#141 Before You Try Another Planner or System… Listen to This First

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: Navigating Adult ADHD

Host: Xena Jones
Episode: #141 – Before You Try Another Planner or System… Listen to This First
Date: November 24, 2025

---

Episode Overview

This episode is a no-nonsense, empowering call for adults with ADHD: before buying yet another planner, productivity app, or system, it’s time to work with the brain you have, not against it. Xena Jones candidly shares the four foundational principles she teaches her program members, revealing her honest, compassionate, and science-backed approach to adult ADHD. Listeners are encouraged to ditch perfectionism, experiment and play, and above all, lower the unrealistic expectations often set by traditional productivity advice.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Moment: Embracing Brain Breaks

• [00:03–00:56]
  • Xena shares her own “fuck around break”—a 10-minute mental reset where she mindlessly shopped online and did deep breathing to regulate her system before recording.
  • Quote: “I decided, you know what, I'm going to set a timer for 10 minutes and I'm just going to fuck around… And now I feel great. I highly recommend it.”
  • Tone: Relatable, irreverent, practical self-care.

---

Why Planners & Productivity Apps Aren’t the Solution

• [00:56–02:10]
  • Xena humorously admits to “collecting a shitload of planners” and apps that were supposed to “magically make you productive,” echoing common listener frustration.
  • The real solution: Understanding your ADHD brain and using strategies that actually fit it, not “try harder” mantras or neurotypical routines.

---

The Four Foundational Principles for ADHD Success

(Clip from her Adulting with ADHD program “Start Here” series, adapted for all listeners)

1. Imperfect is Better Than Perfect

• [04:32–09:03]
  • Perfectionism (“Perfectionist Pete”) is the enemy. Consistently inconsistent is the reality for ADHDers.
  • Success doesn’t require perfect consistency—in fact, “Imperfect is what creates incredible things in the world.”
  • Quote: “Perfection is a fucking problem. Rah. It is.” – [05:28]
  • Xena’s “messy house” analogy: True connection comes in imperfect, lived-in spaces, not sterile, model homes.
  • Anecdote at [08:06]:
    • Client felt he “failed” for only working out 3/5 days; reframed as a 300% increase compared to the previous month.
    • Quote: “Notice your brain discounting the success… Celebrate the progress that you have had.”
  • Key Takeaway: Lower the bar for entry, measure progress by how far you’ve come—not how far left to go.

2. Sprinkle—Don’t Stack

• [09:03–10:59]
  • “Sprinkling” means weaving small, manageable bits of strategies and self-care into life, rather than massive, all-or-nothing efforts.
  • Xena’s walking example: She stopped aiming for big walks and started to add movement in smaller doses throughout her day.
  • Emotional regulation techniques (like breathing, EFT tapping) can be sprinkled in-between tasks—every bit adds up.

3. Everything Is an Experiment

• [11:00–13:16]
  • “You are your greatest experiment.”
  • Xena’s own ADHD medication story: Finding what worked took willingness to try, fail, and gather data—not self-judgment.
  • Experimenting is good news—each step offers data, never failure.
  • Quote: “No, you just got data. You got some gold. You're running experiments. Fantastic, right?”

4. Practice and Play

• [13:16–16:30]
  • Skills (like emotional regulation, self-talk) only become automatic through regular practice—think learning to drive.
  • “Practice the things before they flick over to autopilot.”
  • Playfulness is critical—fun and joy trigger dopamine and serotonin, which ADHD brains need.
  • Client story [15:40]:
    • A member nicknamed her critical inner voice “Doris” and found, through practice, she could now silence it automatically.
    • Quote: “Every time Doris shows up, I just knock her down. I was like, fantastic. It's because you've kept practicing it.”
  • Replacing “I can’t” with “What can I do?” (e.g., “I’ve got five minutes, so I’ll watch a short video”) shifts focus to small wins.
    • Analogy: A plane changing course by just one degree ends up somewhere completely different—small shifts add up.

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “The most consistent thing about adults with ADHD is we are consistently inconsistent.” – Xena, [05:27]
• “Imperfect is what creates incredible things... It's how every invention has ever come about.” – Xena [06:27]
• “Perfection is a fucking problem. Rah. It is.” – Xena [05:28]
• “Sprinkle imperfectly. Just sprinkle.” – Xena [09:39]
• “Everything is an experiment. Everything. And you are your greatest experiment, my friend.” – Xena [11:00]
• “No, you just got data. You got some gold. You're running experiments. Fantastic, right?” – Xena [12:45]
• “You can't fuck it up, I promise.” – Xena [16:00]
• “When you change the question, you change the answer. You change the entire outcome.” – Xena [16:11]

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:03: Opening, ADHD brain and the value of breaks
• 00:56: Why planners and apps don’t solve ADHD struggles
• 04:32: Four things to get results with ADHD
• 05:28: Perfectionism and “Perfectionist Pete”
• 08:06: Reframing failure and measuring progress
• 09:39: Sprinkling strategies into daily life
• 11:00: ADHD as an experiment
• 13:16: Practice, play, and skill-building stories
• 16:11: “What can I do?” and the 1% shift

---

Final Takeaways

• The four principles—imperfection, sprinkling, experimentation, and playful practice—are transformative for adult ADHD.
• Small actions, taken imperfectly and playfully, will always add up to more progress than chasing unattainable perfection.
• Real transformation comes with self-compassion, experimentation, and tiny shifts, not rigid systems or shame-based motivation.

---

Tone

Xena’s delivery is direct, warm, humorous, and candid. She uses explicit language for emphasis, keeps it real, and shares stories that are both relatable and practical.

---

Transcript

[A]

You are listening to the Navigating Adult ADHD podcast with your ADHD coach and expert, Xena. Hello, hello, hello, my friend. Welcome back to the podcast. I gotta tell you, I just did a 10 minute timer and I had a fuck around break. That's what I'm calling it. I had this podcast down to record and my brain was just really wrestling with it. So I decided, you know what, I'm going to set a timer for 10 minutes and I'm just going to fuck around and let my brain fuck around because it wants to. And I actually ended up shopping on Kmart. And by shopping, I mean adding things to cart and just leaving them there. I've ghosted them now, but I went and played on Kmart and I just really focused on doing some breathing and just kind of regulating my internal system.

[B]

So that I could show up and record this podcast.

[A]

And now I feel great.

[B]

My little around break, it was so fun.

[A]

I highly recommend it. So, my friend, today I am going to share with you four very powerful things. So you don't need to buy another color coded calendar, some app that says it's going to fix everything and magically make you productive. You don't need to just try harder or become somebody else. Let's be honest, I don't know about you, but I have collected a shitload of planners. I've paid for different apps, different subscriptions, tried all sorts of things and got all of the notebooks as well, thinking.

[B]

That they were magically going to be.

[A]

The one, the one that changed everything. What we actually need is just to understand how to work with the brain that we have, right? How to work with our ADHD brain, our neurodivergent brain. So today I'm actually going to pull back the curtain and I'm going to share with you something that I would normally only give to the people who are inside my program adulting with adhd. Now, I recorded this specific training. I'm gonna share this clip with you. I recorded it to help my members get results quickly without the pressure, without the shame and the perfectionism, having to do it a certain way.

[B]

And when I listened back, I thought, you know what?

[A]

Everybody with ADHD needs to hear this. Because these four things, they are the foundation of everything, right? If you embrace just one of the things I'm gonna share with you, just one, your life will get easier, your life will improve. So before I play this clip, I want you to know something, okay? These four things I'm about to share, they are the entire reason that some ADHD is transform and some stay stuck. These four things are the difference between spiraling versus regulating, right? Calming yourself down, like, you know, regulating your emotions versus spiraling and freaking the fuck out. They are the difference between, you know, shame and beating yourself up versus having your own back. They're the difference between, like, chaos running around like a headless chicken versus having the clarity and knowing exactly what to do next and doing it, right? The difference between surviving versus actually living life and enjoying life. Now, they're not complicated. They're actually very, very simple, right? This is no, you know, 52 step routines because fuck that. Who's got time for that? Not us.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

These are simple, easy things that I really want to invite you to embrace because when you do, I promise it will change your life in the best possible ways. So as I mentioned, this same clip is given to people inside my Adulting with ADHD program and it's part of the Start Here series. So when they come in, I encourage them to get to the Start Here section to learn, like how, how to find everything, where to find everything, because there's so much inside, right? Like loads of courses and workshops and all sorts of things, right? Workbooks, all sorts of cool stuff. And I invite them to, like, look at this and watch this video or, or just listen to the clip as you're going to do, because it really does set the foundation for everything that comes next and helps them get quick results. Quick wins, right? So I want you to listen to this with your whole heart because if you take just one thing from these four principles, your life could start to improve today. Right? You ready? Let's go.

[B]

Hello, my friend. In this video, I am going to be sharing with you the four things that it takes to get results right here inside Adulting with adhd, okay? And these are simple, easy, fun things, things that are actually going to change a lot of different areas of your life if you embrace them. When you embrace them. All right? So the first thing I want to introduce you to is the idea that you do not want to be Pete Perfectionist Pete Perfectionist Pete says that he has to show up in here and watch every single video and do every single activity and every single thing that you see here in order perfectly that it has to be consistent. No, my friend, no, no, no, no, no. The most consistent thing about adults with ADHD is we are consistently inconsistent.

[A]

And guess what?

[B]

You can be inconsistent and hugely successful, have an amazing life, right? There are so many adults with ADHD out there who have and are doing just that. But they don't do it by being perfectionist Pete. Right? Perfection is a fucking problem. Rah. It is. So that's not how we're going to approach things in here. Perfectionist Pete is also very all or nothing. Okay? He's going to do all of the things in here or he's going to.

[A]

Do nothing and just ghost it.

[B]

He's like, what's the point? I haven't logged in for a week or I haven't done that thing. I haven't yet gone back and answered that question from that last video I watched. Or I haven't done that thing that she said to do in that. No, fuck that. No, instead, I want you to embrace this. Imperfect is better than perfect. 100%. I want to do a TED Talk.

[A]

On that one day.

[B]

Imperfect is what creates incredible things in the world, Right? It's how every invention has ever come about by going through these imperfect variations of it. Right. It's what creates connection in humans. When I share my imperfections with you, when I share things that I've struggled with or challenges I have, you're like, me too. You lean in. Oh, my gosh, I thought it was just me. There's such beautiful connection that is created right when I'm perfect. You know what? Houses are such a great example of this. Have you ever been over to somebody's house and I house sat once for somebody who had cleaned her house, so much so that it looked like a fire show home. And she had a kid, right? It was her, her husband and a kid and they went overseas for three months and I'm house sitting and it looked like a show home. The fridge looked brand new.

[A]

It wasn't.

[B]

There wasn't a hair out of place. That feels awkward and uncomfortable. That level of perfection, right? You know what I love is when I go into somebody else's home and they've got some washing lying around, some cups on the counter, you know, some crafts in the corner.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I can relax, right?

[A]

I feel at home.

[B]

I feel more comfortable. So I want to invite you to lower the bar for entry in here in this membership, right? If you watch 3.5 videos, fantastic. And if you come back and start somewhere else, somewhere different, the next time, watch something different. Fantastic. Imperfect is what gains momentum. Let me share a story with you about this. I worked with a guy a while back now where he came to me and in the first session he said, my goal for this next week is I want to get up early in the morning, 7am every morning, and I want to Go work out before work. I want to do this five days, get up early, work out. He comes to the session the following week, and I said to him, how did that go? And he says, I failed. I said, what does that mean? He said, well, I only did it three times, so I failed. I went, okay, that's interesting. And I drew out five circles representing every day of that week, and I ticked three of them, and then I drew out five circles above that, five more above that, and five more above that, therefore, representing sort of a month. And I said, in the last month, how many times have you got up early and gone to the gym? And he said, apart from last week, none. I said, okay, so all of those circles, they stay empty.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

So what you're saying is that last week you had a 300% improvement on the past month? And he was like, oh, shit. Yeah. I was like, but notice your brain discounting the success, discounting the fact that you didn't get up just once, not twice. You did it three times and you went to the gym. That's fucking amazing. Especially when we look at how little it was happening. It wasn't even happening. Right? Lower the bar for entry. Celebrate the progress that you have had. I always say, when we're measuring success, we want to look at this ladder. And you measure based on. This is where you're starting. You haven't gone to the gym, you haven't got up early for a month. Months. But you want to be doing it five days a week. Getting up at 7am that's the goal. That's where you want to get to the top of this ladder. We measure progress not by looking at how far we have to go. Oh, my God, there's still so far to go. Instead, we look back. Oh, wow, I've come a long way. I am three quarters of the way up this ladder. Wow, that's fantastic. Okay. Measure always. Looking back, how far have you come? The second thing I want to introduce you to is sprinkling. All right. Sprinkling. Sprinkle this membership. Sprinkle. Using the Facebook group, Sprinkle the tools that you learn into your days, weeks, months. Sprinkle imperfectly. Just sprinkle a story to represent. This is. I love to walk. I have discovered that through walking, it helps me to reduce my stress, regulate my emotions, just kind of chill out, get out of my head, all of these sorts of things, and there's a lot of benefits. But behind walking, I think it's fucking awesome, especially for a busy ADHD brain. Trust me, So I, like I did for a while, I had this goal of getting 10,000 steps a day, right? And so I would sprinkle that into my day, in between calls, I would go for a walk around the block or I would just do a few sort of jumping up and down, walk around the house, up and down the stairs, just sprinkle it lightly anywhere throughout my day. Because that all added up. It's the same with emotional regulation. I sprinkle that into my day. I'll use some EFT tapping, I'll do some breathing in between calls, videos, whatever. I'll just lightly sprinkle it in and that all adds up. So I want you to approach this in the same way. Sprinkle it in throughout your day, your week, your month. And number three, everything is an experiment. Everything. And you are your greatest experiment, my friend. You, you truly are. So to demonstrate this, when I first started taking ADHD medication, I thought, great, okay, I've been given this prescription. It's gonna be great. It wasn't the very first stimulant that I took. Over time, I was becoming more and more sort of restless and more and more all over the place. And my anxiety level went up and my mood went down. And that happened gradually over time. And so what I had to do is I had to really lean into experimen. I tried a different medication. Do I take it now? Do I take it later in the day? Then I went to a long release instead of just a short release and I had to experiment also. Do I take it with protein? How is my sleep? Do I take. Am I getting enough hydration? I had to experiment with all of these different things to make it most effective and make it work for me. It is the same with emotional regulation. For example, I have to experiment with, well, using that tool here, does that help me or does that not okay? It didn't help me, actually. It made me feel worse doing that or it didn't do anything at all. That's great data to have. Whoa. Now that I've got that data, next time I'm going to run a different experiment, I'm going to do something different. Data is incredible. We love data, right? It's not a reason to beat ourself up. Well, that didn't work. I'm so shit. No, you just got data. You got some gold. You're running experiments. Fantastic, right? Everything is an experiment and this is good news. And it's fun.

[A]

It's so fun when everything's an experiment.

[B]

Okay, number four, practice and play. This gets to be fun practice. When we are learning something new. Like take riding a bike, for example. If you don't get on the bike and cycle, you're not going to learn how to cycle, right? In order to work with your brain, you've got to practice the things that you are learning. You've got to practice the tools that you. You get in here, okay? And that doesn't have to be in a perfectionist Pete kind of a way, right? We're just going to sprinkle it in throughout our day. But in order for things to become automatic, in order to automatically be able to regulate your emotions, to be able to handle situations in, you know, more positive ways, in order for you to not get, you know, feel attacked and criticized and like the RSD has grabbed you when you get some feedback. We have to practice these things manually before they flick over to autopilot. Okay? It's just like, you know, when you get in a car now, you just know how to drive. But once upon a time, it was like, oh, this is clunky and weird. And you really had to think about it, right? We had to practice it before it became something that we just automatically did. It is the same in here, right? All of that practicing adds up. And then one day we just flick things onto autopilot. I had a client recently say to me, yeah, I haven't had Doris. Doris is the name of her brain. The mean part of her brain said to me, I haven't had Doris show up for a while. In fact, actually, things have been going really, really well. And I said, oh, do you think it's because you've now kind of on autopilot, are talking to yourself in a better way? And she's like, yeah, I think so. Every time Doris shows up, I just knock her down. I was like, fantastic. It's because you've kept practicing it. All of a sudden, one day you're like, oh, wow. I just do that automatically, right? I'm at the top of my ladder. Wow. Okay. And play. This gets to be fun. We get to do this in a fun way. Play is so good for us because it produces dopamine and serotonin, all of these good brain chemicals that you're going to learn about right here inside the membership. So be playful with it. Have fun with it. If you're listening to this when you're out walking in the car, fantastic, right? Play with the tools. Play with the things that you are learning. You can't fuck it up, I promise. Can't do it. Wrong. Okay? But perfectionist Pete thinks you can. We're not Pete. We're not going to be Pete. Now, anytime your brain says to you, I can't do that, or I don't have time for that, I want you to ask yourself this question. What can I do? Okay, I've got five minutes. What can I do? I'll go watch this video, right? I've got five minutes. I can't watch the whole emotional regulation course, but I can watch that one video on eft. Tapping and tap along with Xena. Fantastic. Boom. You are winning. What can I do? When you change the question, you change the answer. You change the entire outcome. Such a good question. Because our brain's like, well, I can't do that and I don't have time. Great. What can I do? What do I have time for? Change the question. Okay? Focus on the small wins. And if an airplane was to change course by one degree, it would end up in a completely different place. When you're doing just 1% doing something different, 1%, 1% a day, that adds up over time, you end up in a completely different destination. Okay? Remember that. The 1%. 1%, 1%. That shit adds up. All right? That is it, my friend. These four things. Imperfect is better than perfect. Sprinkle this throughout your day. Everything's an experiment. That's so fun, right? You are your greatest experiment. You're always learning, gathering data. It's so good. Number four. We got to practice the things before they flick over to autopilot and play. Have fun with it, okay? And remember to ask your brain this question. What can I do, my friend?

[A]

These four things that I just shared with you, they are just the beginning, okay? When you combine them with emotional regulation skills, which I teach you inside Adulting with adhd. Okay? When you combine it with the tools that actually work for adhd, brains and the like, shitloads of courses and workshops that you get inside. For example, we've got like, Managing rsd, How to Beat Procrastination. What the is adhd and how do I work with my brain? We've got Managing and Increasing Dopamine, how to heal from and prevent ADHD burnout. Right? That's just a snippet of the courses in the workshops that you get inside. That is what we do together. Inside adulting with adhd. It's not perfection. There's no pressure. There's none of that try harder crap. No unrealistic routines or neurotypical bullshit, Right? We do imperfect action sprinkling tools throughout your real life, Experimentation, practice, play. Real emotional regulation. Real ADHD friendly tools and systems. Real transformation. So if those four principles landed for you, if something inside you went shit, you know what, that makes a lot of sense. Then you will thrive inside the membership. So the doors are open right now, but not for long. Click the link in this episode or head to navigatingadultadhd.com awa that stands for adulting with ADHD and I would love to support you on the inside. Huge, huge love my friend. Have a beautiful week. Hey friend, if you want some more help navigating and thriving with ADHD and some help applying everything that you're learning here on the podcast, then head over to our website, navigating adultadhd.com.