#143 How to survive the holiday season with ADHD

Summary

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Navigating Adult ADHD Podcast

Episode #143: How to Survive the Holiday Season with ADHD

Host: Xena Jones
Date: December 8, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this candid and supportive episode, Xena Jones tackles the unique challenges adults with ADHD often face during the holiday season. Drawing from science-backed research and real-life experiences, she explores how ADHD symptoms can be magnified by the extra demands, sensory overload, and emotional intensity of this time of year. Her focus: providing practical tools and mindsets to help listeners not just survive, but actually enjoy the holidays, while emphasizing the importance of self-compassion, boundaries, and intentionality.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Holiday Season & ADHD: Why It’s Extra Hard

• ADHD symptoms can intensify: Increased social obligations, shopping, wrapping up work, sensory overload, and financial pressures all strain executive functioning (00:33).
• Time blindness, last-minute scrambling, and dopamine spending—impulse purchases are common (01:52).
• Emotional extremes are prevalent: shame, guilt, overwhelm, as well as joy and excitement (03:13).

Notable Quote:

“Whatever you are feeling right now, whatever you are feeling throughout the holiday season, please know that your feelings are always valid. What you feel is valid, my friend.”
—Xena Jones (03:27)

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The Emotional Landscape: Allow, Don’t React

• Xena emphasizes the importance of “not making decisions from a dysregulated emotional state”—whether it’s excitement, guilt, shame, or overwhelm (04:50–05:52).
• Example: Buying out of excitement only to regret it later, or overspending due to guilt.

Notable Quote:

“Be mindful of what you’re feeling, and if it is these extreme emotions... don’t make decisions from that place.”
—Xena Jones (05:03)

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Five ADHD-Friendly Strategies for the Holidays

1. Get Clear on the Outcome You Want (06:28)

• Set an intention: What do you want your holiday season to look and feel like?
• Xena encourages “creating a vision board” for your ideal (but realistic) holiday, focusing on what is possible this year rather than perfection (07:22).
• Example: She creates a plan for her birthday each year so she can shape her experience, applying the same to Christmas.

Notable Quote:

“If we don’t [decide], it is decided for us... But we get to decide this.”
—Xena Jones (07:22)

2. Decide What You Want to Spend—Intentionally (10:18)

• Assess your budget in advance to avoid regretful overspending.
• Consider low-cost, creative alternatives (e.g., handmade gifts, cards, baked treats).
• Advocate for setting new expectations with loved ones if funds are tight.

Notable Quote:

“Instead of just racking things up and looking at it later going ‘holy shit, I spent way too much on Christmas again.’ Okay, decide.”
—Xena Jones (12:20)

3. Listen to and Honor Your Capacity (13:43)

• Be realistic about your mental, emotional, and physical energy.
• Resist people-pleasing: Don’t say yes when you want to say no.
• Notice the cost of overcommitting—ending up “depleted” is a common pattern (14:44).

Notable Quote:

“My name is Xena. I am a recovering people pleaser right here.”
—Xena Jones (15:00)

4. Prioritize Relationships & Practice Boundaries (16:47)

• Spend your time with people who “fuel you and give life to you,” not just those you’re obligated to.
• Set boundaries with those who deplete you (e.g., take a break from challenging relatives or leave early).
• Practice and prepare scripts for boundary-setting (“Thanks for the invite, I’m keeping things simple this year,” or “I’ll come for a couple of hours, but head off early.”)

Notable Quote:

“No is a very powerful and empowering word. No, I’m not going to stand here while you say this. No, I’m not going to be in the same room as you when you disrespect me.”
—Xena Jones (19:29)

5. Take Care of Yourself First (21:34)

• Sleep, rest, hydration, gentle movement, and listening to your needs are all vital—don’t let these slide (22:09).
• Allow yourself to do things “your way”: buy fewer gifts, say no to events, wear comfy clothes, skip draining traditions.
• Sensory self-care: Bring earplugs, wear hats or sunglasses, take strategic breaks (e.g., solo time in the bathroom).

Notable Quote:

“You have permission to wear comfy clothes. You have permission to leave early. You have full permission to skip traditions that drain you... to do Christmas your way.”
—Xena Jones (22:55)

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Memorable Moments & Examples

• Black Friday Overwhelm: Xena humorously describes being plastered by sales ads and succumbing to dopamine spending on a planner (01:40–02:05).
• The Birthday Analogy: Planning her ideal birthday as a template for designing a better Christmas (08:34–10:18).
• People-Pleasing Reflections: Xena openly shares her journey as a “recovering people pleaser” and the cost of saying “yes” at her own expense (15:00).
• Boundary Scripts: Providing listeners with concrete language to assert their limits during family gatherings and gift exchanges (18:43–20:50).
• Sensory Strategies: Creative tips for managing overstimulation, like using Christmas hats to block bright lights and planning quick escapes (23:45–25:08).

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• On Validating Emotions:

  "Whatever you are feeling right now... please know that your feelings are always valid. What you feel is valid, my friend." (03:27)

• On Impulse Holiday Spending:

  "So often what we do is we spend a lot of money because we're really excited about the holidays, my friend. That has so been me." (05:06)

• On People-Pleasing Costs:

  "Hi, my name is Xena. I am a recovering people pleaser right here. It doesn't work. Doesn't work out well for you. Ask me how I know..." (15:00)

• On Adult Boundaries:

  "As an adult, you get to decide, my friend. You get to say no. That is a very powerful and empowering word." (19:29)

• On Permission to Do Holidays Differently:

  "You have full permission to skip traditions that drain you. And you have permission, my friend, to do Christmas your way. Okay? I cosign your permission slip. Go right ahead." (22:55)

• Vision for Listeners:

  “I want you to imagine stepping into January, not being burned out... but instead feeling peaceful, feeling proud, feeling recharged... because you chose you during the holiday season.” (25:08)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• ADHD Holiday Challenges — 00:33–02:17
• Emotional Intensity & Validation — 02:35–05:52
• Five Steps for Surviving & Thriving — 06:28–22:09
  • Get Clear on the Outcome — 06:28
  • Decide What You Want to Spend — 10:18
  • Honor Your Capacity — 13:43
  • Relationships & Boundaries — 16:47
  • Self-Care Comes First — 21:34
• Practical Examples (Sensory/self-care/permission) — 23:45–25:24
• Conclusion & Reassurance — 25:24–end

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Tone & Takeaway

Xena’s tone is warm, conversational, non-judgmental, and empowering: she repeatedly invites listeners to honor their unique needs, validate their feelings, and proactively shape their holiday experience. The episode is packed with compassion and permission for ADHD adults to put themselves first and make intentional (not impulsive) choices.

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Essential message:
You can do the holidays your way, honor your needs, set boundaries, and move into the new year recharged, not depleted.

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Transcript

[A]

You are listening to the Navigating Adult ADHD Podcast with your ADHD coach and expert, Xena. Hello, my beautiful friend. Welcome back. We're here for the Navigating Adult ADHD Podcast and specifically we're talking about how to navigate and survive the holiday season. It is December. Where has this year gone? Omg.

I say that as I stand here with my sparkly Christmas earrings and my bright red Christmas dress on, knowing full well we are in December. But what I wanted to talk about today is some of the challenges that we experience this time of year. Because we know ADHD life can be hard enough without the added pressure of the holidays. There are all of the extra social commitments, spending, deciding who to buy for what to buy, shopping, busy malls, crowded streets, lots of cars on the road. There's tying up loose ends and wrapping things up at work. You might have found that in previous years, around Christmas, New Year, etc. You might have noticed that your ADHD symptoms have ramped up. So maybe the time blindness has increased. You miss deadlines at work, leave things to the last minute, miss the sale on the thing you were going to buy someone for Christmas. There's a lot more. Overwhelm, freezing, shutting down, doing nothing, paralysis, dopamine spending. I don't know about you, but those Black Friday sales last week, oh, they were everywhere. Like, seriously, I've never had so many ads in my face before. When I was on social media, it didn't matter what platform, it was just Black Friday sales coming at me from all directions. Damn.

I gotta admit, I did cave and buy a planner. How ADHD now? I don't think it's gonna change my life, but if it does, I'll let you know. Okay.

But dopamine spending. Impulse purchases that feel really good now and sometimes we will get them later, right? Masking around our family, emotional exhaustion, sensory overload. Right? Crowded stores, all the noise, the lights, all the things.

And let's be honest, the holiday season can also bring up a lot of emotions. I literally just got off a coaching call with a client who said that she does not like this time of year. And that is something I hear from so many. ADHD is.

So. In terms of the emotions, often we have a lot of shame. There can be shame because we can't afford to buy gifts, guilt for going into debt when we do buy the things, pressure of attending things and keeping up with traditions, buying things for people.

But there can also be a lot of joy and excitement this time of year. So often it's quite extreme emotions Right. The shame and the guilt and the pressure and the overwhelm. And then at the other end of the scale, a lot of joy and excitement.

So whatever you are feeling right now, whatever you are feeling throughout the holiday season, please know that your feelings are always valid. What you feel is valid, my friend. It's okay to feel this. It doesn't mean we like it necessarily, but it's okay to feel it. What I am feeling is valid. It makes sense.

Now. I was literally, before I hit record on this podcast, feeling quite a lot of anxiety. I did not sleep great last night. I was up at 4:30. I just got up. I was like, I'm gonna get up. I'm gonna download everything in my head. And now that I'm up, I feel quite alert and I'm gonna start my day. But now I'm just. I've got all of this anxiety about how little sleep I had. Okay. And what I have been practicing is just allowing the anxiety, making space for the emotion and choosing not to make decisions from that place. Because my brain was like, oh, we could just not record this podcast. We could just go lie down. I was like, you know what? No, that doesn't feel good. I don't want to make the decision from the anxiety. I want to make space from it. I want to allow myself to feel it. I want to spend some time getting into a regulated place, then make the decision about what to do. And hi, here we are. We're recording, my friend.

So I want to say be mindful of what you're feeling. And if it is these extreme emotions like shame or guilt or overwhelm or even the excitement, the joy.

Really getting into the holiday season, be mindful of what you're feeling and don't make decisions from that place. Wait until you get into a regulated place, then make the decisions. Sometimes what we do is we spend a lot of money because we're really excited about the holidays, my friend. That has so been me. I really get into the Christmas spirit sometimes. I get into it like at the beginning of November, and then I'm like buying all of these new decorations for the house. I need to go, wow, we didn't really need that. I didn't really need to spend money on that. Right? So again, like buying the things from excitement, I need to regret it later. Or spending money out of guilt, feeling like you have to do this only again to regret it later to feel bad about it.

So be mindful of where you're making these decisions from. And as I said, remember all Our feelings are valid. It's okay to feel them, make space for them, breathe into them. If you need help with this, I do invite you to check out. We've got a few emotion, a few episodes, rather, on emotional regulation. We can hook you up, but today I want to talk more about what you can do, right? Five specific steps, five things that you can do to survive, maybe even thrive in this holiday season. All right? Number one.

Get clear on the outcome you want. What do you want the holiday season to look like? What do you want your Christmas Day to look like? Now, this can be hard for those of us with ADHD to do. Right? Our executive functions can make it difficult to imagine or to picture the outcomes that we want. But stick with with me and give this a go, because it's not that we can't do it, it's just that it can be harder for us and it's so worth it. Okay? Now, I am not talking about, like the perfectionist mirage, some unrealistic dream of what you want your holiday season to look like. Okay? We're not talking about flying five star to, you know, flying business class to Canada for a white Christmas in a fancy hotel. What voice was that? That was my fancy voice.

Right. Although flying to Canada for a white Christmas does sound pretty. I'm talking what is within the realm of possibility this year, right? We get to decide this on purpose. And if we don't, it is decided for us, which is often what happens, especially if we're feeling overwhelmed, if we don't like making decisions, if making decisions is hard for us, often we just leave it to whatever happens happens. But we get to decide this. Who are the people you want to spend time with? What are the events that you want to go to? What do you want Christmas Day to look like? What do you want it to include?

What do you want to spend? Who do you want to buy for? Think of this like creating a vision board for the holidays. What do you want on that vision board?

Doing this puts us back in the driver's seat, back in control.

I do this every single year for my birthday, okay? So my birthday is in May. And this year for my birthday, funnily enough, it, like, poured with rain from the moment we woke up. Like pissing down rain. And I'd already decided that my partner and I were going to walk to my favorite cafe, get a takeaway coffee and walk home. We did it in the rain anyway, and it was actually quite cool that it was just pouring with rain and we got soaked. We were like in our wet weather gear, but didn't matter. But I had decided ahead of time that was what I wanted to do. I wanted to walk to my favorite cafe. Then we were going to take a day trip like an hour away from us. And I wanted to go to something called the secret spa, hot tubs or something like this. And it was just in the forest. A hot tub in the forest and it was raining, which didn't matter at all. But I wanted to do something different, have a different experience. I wanted to have lunch out. I chose the restaurant I wanted to go to, right? Chose what we were going to have for dinner. I make sure we had my favorite bubbles in the fridge and that was cold. I created all of that and I enjoyed the day. If I want cake, I order cake or I make a cake, right? I do that for my birthday every single year. I used to wait for people to like buy me flowers. I always used to love getting flowers. I used to wait for somebody hopefully to buy me flowers only to be disappointed. Or hopefully to make me a gluten free, sugar free, dairy free chocolate cake. I know it sounds like it takes the joy out of it, but trust me, I found some good shit. I used to wait for this only to end up often disappointed. So instead I took control. What's the outcome I want? How do I want the day to be? And then I put that into action to make it happen. And we get to do this at Christmas.

So my friend, number one, get clear on the outcome you want. Create that vision board for the holidays. Number two, decide what you want to spend intentionally. I don't know about you, but there have been some years in the past where I have spent a shit ton. And when I've gone to mentally add it up later, I've stopped calculating.

So if you do not have money to spend this holiday season.

Still make decisions about what you want to do, how could you change things up and spend less and maybe even not buy gifts? What might that look like? Right? When we look at low cost alternatives, it might be hand making things. I remember in previous years I handmade vases. I saw this really cool, I don't know, creative thing on Pinterest maybe number of years ago where you could get specific paint and you would get like a vase and you would paint it and like I put some glitter around the room and stuff and then you'd fill it up with like chocolates and put a bow on it and it was like a cute little Christmas gift. So I've done things like that. In previous years, I've made cards like Christmas cards. I love creative stuff, right? And if you love creative stuff, this is fantastic. There are so many cool ideas out there now, especially with, you know, TikTok and Instagram and all of these videos that we can watch showing us really creative ideas that can keep the budget down. But again, decide intentionally how much you want to spend and who you want to spend it on. Do you want to buy gifts? If so, how much are you going to spend? Who are you going to buy them for? And if you still choose to buy gifts even though you don't have money for this, how are you going to pay for it? Are you going to use a credit card? If so, which credit card are you going to use? What's the plan to pay that back?

Even consider communicating to those that you would normally buy for? That money is tight this year and I've decided to do low cost gifts or make things. I have definitely done that in past years and it's actually been really, really fun. People have often appreciated having something that you took the time to make, right? Even if it's cookies, it doesn't have to take too long. All right, so number two, decide with intention. Be deliberate about this. What do you want to spend instead of just, you know, racking things up and then looking at it later going, holy shit, I spent way too much on Christmas again. Okay, decide number three, listen to and honor your capacity. I am talking about your mental, emotional and physical capacity. How much energy you have in the tank, mentally, emotionally, physically, right? This time of year comes with some extra demands, extra obligations, extra pressure. There's the holiday parties, right? The family expectations, the traditions, all the things. And what happens is we often say yes to things when we do want to say no, but we're not comfortable to say no. So we say yes.

We, when we do this, right, when we say yes to, you know, going to this event, when we say yes to making. They've got a disco on, actually at my stepson school this week, they've got a disco and they're looking for volunteers, right? So when we say yes to being a volunteer at the disco, do we really want to say yes to that? Because I'm a no. I'll tell you now, I am a no. Because if I say yes to that, mentally, emotionally, physically, that is going to drain me. That is going to take from my tank. And so often what happens is we keep saying yes to all of these things that we really wish we'd said no to and we end up like hungover at the end, you know, the holidays are over, we're going back to work and we're depleted because we've done all of these things, said yes to all of these things. To help other people, to please other people, not pleasing ourselves, right? We end up going back to work, exhausted. I don't want that for you, my friend. I've been there.

There is often this real pull this time of year to make other people happy at your own expense. Now, I have been working on this one for years. Hi, my name is Xena. I am a recovering people pleaser right here.

It doesn't work. Doesn't work out well for you. Ask me how I know, right? Trying to make other people happy at our own expense. Oh, my gosh, it is exhausting. And it costs us so much mentally, emotionally and physically. So we're actually going to talk a little bit about boundaries in number four, okay? But this was three. Number three, listen to and honor your capacity mentally, emotionally, physically. Do I realistically have time for this? Is this something I want to give my time to? If I give my time to this, where might it be taking time from? So if we go back to the example of showing up to this disco and being a parent, a helper at this disco, right? If I do that, it's going to cost me an hour and a half, maybe two hours of my time. Do I want to do that? If I choose to do that, what's it taking from? It's taking from maybe my mental, emotional and physical resources. Trust me, like, this is just a hell no for me. Because I would find it really draining that time of day to socialize with people I don't know. To watch all of these kids, like, the overstimulation, that time of day, I just know for. For me, that's like a huge drain. But so often again, we would just say yes because we feel obliged, we feel like we should, and we don't feel comfortable saying no. You're with me. All right, that was number three. Number four, think about the relationships in your life and who you want to spend your time with throughout this holiday season and practice boundaries, the B word.

So.

Over this period, right, like, we are often spending a lot of money. We could be, you know, connecting with a lot of different people. Where can you prioritize the connection? Where can you prioritize the relationships that you enjoy? The relationships that fill you up. The relationships where there is safety. That doesn't necessarily mean that these people are blood related. There's often a lot of Pressure this time of year to spend time with blood related family. But where are the people that fuel you, that give life to you, that you feel really safe to be yourself with? Those are the people that we want to spend our time with deliberately over this period of time. Now, that doesn't mean that there won't be interactions with people that we would probably choose not to hang out with given a choice. Okay? We all have some family members who can be a challenge, let's be honest. And this time of year, yeah, it can be a lot. So this is where those boundaries come in. Set boundaries with those people who deplete you, with those people who you prefer not to be around, my friend. It is okay to spend less time with them. It is okay to say no. It is okay to take care of yourself. It is okay to prioritize the people who are safe and set boundaries with those who are not.

So I'll give you an example of this in terms of like a boundary. If, say you're spending Christmas Day with Uncle Tom and you and Uncle Tom butt heads and you find him very difficult to deal with, he's one of those people who doesn't believe in ADHD and invalidates it and all of this.

You might decide if he starts talking about ADHD and it's really derogatory or he starts talking about something that's very upsetting to you, he just starts pushing your buttons. Okay, you might say, hey, I'm just going to take a timeout and I'll be back in a little bit and take yourself into another room. Say, hey, I'm at my quota for today, I'm going to leave. Leave. Right. A boundary is what we do to take care of ourself, mentally, physically, emotionally. And that often involves taking a time out and leaving that situation. So often we try to change that person. Tell them that they're wrong, tell them to stop doing what they're doing. And don't get me wrong, yes, we can definitely communicate that. But it's what we do to take care of ourself. And often that looks like removing ourself from the situation. Okay. Sometimes it's like taking a very long bathroom break. Full permission to do that, my friend. Okay. Again, this time of year there can be a lot of pressure, obligations, right, to be around, you know, other people. But as an adult, you get to decide, my friend. You get to say no. That is a very powerful and empowering word. No, I'm not going to stand here while you say this. No, I'm not going to be in the same room as you when you are rude to me, when you disrespect me. No. So here I wanted to give you a couple of different ways that you could do this because I often find that if we have a script, if we practice or have something to say in certain situations, this can be incredibly helpful, right? We're prepared ahead of time for what to say. We say it, we leave. For example, you might say to somebody who's invited you to a holiday party, hey, thanks so much for the invite. I'm keeping things really simple this year, so I won't be able to make it, right? Change that up however you like. Another one say it's in regards to gifts, right? Gifts with your family. Maybe you would normally buy gifts for all of your nieces and nephews and just communicating, hey, I'm doing low cost gifts this year, just so you know. My budget is a little bit tight and I'm honoring that.

Another one. If you have decided that you're going to go and attend your friend's holiday party, but you know that you're likely going to be quite depleted if you stay, et cetera, you might say, I'll come for a couple of hours, but I just want you to know that I'm going to head off early. Okay? Again, having those scripts can really help to create confidence when it comes to communicating our boundaries, communicating what we need. So my friend number four is to think about the relationships that you want to spend time with during the holiday season. Those the ones that really fill you up, the safe ones. And also to practice boundaries.

Number five, make sure you are taking care of you. I think this is the most important one and it's the first one to fall off the list. It really is. Don't forget about the things like sleep, my friend. Rest. You deserve rest. Moving your body in a way that feels good for you. Drinking the water, listening to your body, your brain. What do you need? What can you do to take care of yourself? Mentally, emotionally, physically?

If you are getting coaching, if you're getting therapy, if you're getting counseling, lean into that. Maybe even have some extra sessions if that something that you can afford right now. If it's not, download more podcast episodes. If you love this podcast, download the ones on like emotional regulation on rest on other things that you see would be beneficial this time of year. Look at audiobooks as well that could support you and lean into that support.

Remember that no matter what, right? You matter, your basic needs matter, you don't have to sacrifice yourself to please others. Please, please, please, my friend, take care of you.

Give yourself the permission you need. Okay? And I'm going to co sign your permission slip. You have permission to buy fewer gifts. You have permission to say no to events. You have permission to order food instead of cooking, right? We now just do a Christmas barbecue. And I just tell people what to bring. Everybody brings like a salad and a plate if. If we're having some sort of a Christmasy thing in our house, right? Like we make it so easy. You have permission to wear comfy clothes. You have permission to leave early. You have full permission to skip traditions that drain you. And you have permission, my friend, to do Christmas your way. Okay? I cosign your permission slip. Go right ahead.

So number five, make sure you are taking care of you. You are the foundation of everything in your life. If you burn out, if you are depleted, it affects everything. Everything comes to a stop. Okay? Take care of you. Please, please. And the last thing I wanted to say on this is holiday seasons can be sensory or overwhelm, okay? So if you need to wear more comfortable clothing, please do that. If you need to bring earplugs, bring earplugs. Stick them in your bag, in your backpack, stick them in all the places. Now, if you need to leave the room because you are overstimulated, go for it. Toilets are a great place to take a break. I do it all the time. My timeout in the toilet. Sit at the edge of social settings so that you can get away quickly or so that it's not as loud if need be. Use sunglasses or hats if the lighting is too bright. The beautiful thing this time of year is there are a lot of, like Christmas hats that you can wear. That kind of disguise that you're actually trying to minimize the lighting, great. Do that, right? These are the things that empower and support your nervous system and help you to, you know, what's the word I want? Dial back the sensory overwhelm.

So I want you to, my friend, I want you to imagine stepping into January, not being burned out, not feeling ashamed, not in this recovery mode, but instead feeling peaceful, feeling proud, feeling recharged, relaxed, maybe even excited for the year ahead.

Because you chose you during the holiday season. Okay?

That is my wish for you. I really do hope that this episode has been helpful. Huge, huge, huge love as you navigate the holiday season. All right, Take care, my beautiful friend. I'll speak to you soon. Hey, friend, if you want some more help navigating and thriving with ADHD and some help applying everything that you're learning here on the podcast, then head over to our website, navigating adultadhd. Com.