Podcast Summary: Navigating Adult ADHD | Ep. 146

Title: The 6 Questions I Ask My ADHD Brain Every Year
Host: Xena Jones
Date: December 29, 2025

Episode Overview

In this reflective episode, Xena Jones, ADHD coach and advocate, shares six annual questions designed to build self-awareness, self-trust, and more balanced self-evaluation for adults with ADHD. Xena discusses how these questions help counteract ADHD-related challenges such as poor working memory, negativity bias, and “living in the gap”—the tendency to focus on what’s missing or unfinished rather than on progress and achievements.

Jones integrates personal anecdotes, client stories, and practical tips for making this reflective exercise ADHD-friendly and deeply effective. The tone is empowering, candid, and supportive, with a focus on practical self-compassion and the tangible benefits of structured reflection.

Key Themes and Takeaways

1. The ADHD Brain and Reflective Practice (00:42–09:00)

• Negativity Bias in ADHD:
  Xena highlights the strong tendency of ADHD brains to focus on what’s wrong or unfinished, a cognitive pattern exacerbated by rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD).

  “Our ADHD brains, the way in which we are wired … we focus on what’s wrong. Our brains have this negativity bias, which is very, very strong. All human brains have it, yes. But for ADHD brains, very, very strong, okay?” (02:34)

• The Gap vs. The Gain:
  Drawing from Dan Sullivan’s book, The Gap and The Gain, Xena introduces the central metaphor:

  • The Gap: The space between where you are and where you think you should be (“I’m so behind. I haven’t done enough. I should be doing more.”).
  • The Gain: The space between where you started and where you are now; recognizing progress already made.
  • Example: Instead of judging yourself for not reaching your goal, celebrate how far you’ve climbed the ladder.

  “Most ADHDers live in the gap … I want to help you shift from the gap into what's called the gain.” (03:08)

• Working Memory Challenges:
  ADHD often involves “out of sight, out of mind”—making it easy to forget positive experiences and successes.

• The Role of Self-Awareness:
  Building self-awareness is an executive function that ADHD brains often struggle with. Jones frames the six questions as a way to deliberately practice and improve this skill.

2. The Six Reflection Questions and How to Use Them (09:00–50:30)

Xena walks through each question, adding frameworks, tips, and real-life examples.

Question 1: What Were Your Highlights This Past Year? (18:20)

• Purpose: To deliberately document what went well, what you achieved, and what you’re proud of—moving your focus from “the gap” to “the gain.”
• Tip: Check your camera roll or journal to jog your memory.
• Life Categories:
  • Health & Wellbeing
  • Career & Work
  • Relationships
  • Joy & Happiness
  • Finance
  • Personal Growth & Learning
• Memorable Example:
  Xena describes going from deadlifting 40kg to 70kg and her journey advocating for herself on hormone health.

“If your brain doesn't intentionally look at this, your ADHD brain is going to default to the bloopers reel. And the trouble when we look at our own bloopers real is we are not laughing, we are judging it.” (21:55)

Question 2: What Were the Lowlights? (27:55)

• Purpose: To gather non-judgmental data on what didn’t work out or went sideways.
• Mindset: Play the role of a scientist: curious and non-judgmental.
• Approach: Use the same six life categories as above.
• Examples:
  • Ongoing neck and shoulder pain (health)
  • Dropping the ball on social media posting (work)
  • Not prioritizing friendships (relationships)
  • Consuming “too much” educational content, leading to anxiety (personal growth)

“These low lights are not an assessment of your character … It's about getting data, learning about your capacity, the systems that you might need to pop in place, and the support you may be missing. That's it.” (29:55)

Question 3: What Are Your Lessons from This Year? (34:07)

• Purpose: To extract non-shameful, constructive takeaways from your experiences.
• Perspective: Ask “What did this year teach me? What did I learn about myself, and about what works and what doesn’t?”
• Examples:
  • Recognizing perfectionism disguised as “finding the right way to post on social media.”
  • Relationships “don’t happen by accident, they require intention” (adding calendar reminders for connection).
  • A client’s realization: “...seeing a lot of the hurdles I’ve gone through this year, it really helped me see how I’m such a good problem solver … I will always find a way.” (38:05)

Question 4: What Do I Want Out of Life, and Who Do I Want to Be? (40:10)

• Purpose: Take a “snapshot” of your values and desired identity—it becomes your compass for decisions.
• Personal List (Xena): Authentic, courageous, free, colorful, standing out, making a positive difference.
• ADHD Connection: When goals align with your values, it’s easier and more motivating for ADHD brains to move towards them.

Question 5: What Do I Want to Stop Doing That Would Improve the Quality of My Life? (43:14)

• Purpose: Identify actions/habits that conflict with your values and desired life.
• Example:
  • A client: “I want to stop arriving at my 9 to 5 job so early … because it's not aligning with the life I want.”
    (44:30)

Question 6: What Do I Want to Start Doing to Move Me Toward My Desired Life? (45:25)

• Purpose: Gently plan for positive change, focusing on supports and scaffolding rather than a hustle mindset.

• Xena’s examples:

  • Prioritizing friendships via scheduled reminders.
  • Setting protected writing times during the week.

• Supporting Quote:

  “We don’t rise to our intentions, we fall to the level of our systems.” (47:40)

Practical Tips for This Reflection Practice

• Use External Cues: Camera roll, journals, or friends to combat “out of sight, out of mind.”
• Do It With a Safe Person: If self-reflection tends to trigger harsh self-judgment, do the exercise with a supportive friend or fellow ADHDer.
• Repeat Annually/When Needed: This is a process to revisit—Xena does it every year.

Notable Quotes & Highlights

• “You can’t build a life that works for your ADHD brain if you keep deleting the evidence of the things that are working, of the areas where you actually have made some positive improvements.” (10:55)
• “If you’re listening to this right now and you’re like, ‘Yeah, but I haven’t, nothing’s working.’ I’m sorry. I love you. And I’m calling bullshit.” (12:20)
• “Emotional memory can often outweigh factual memory. If we’ve had a negative emotional experience, we will hold onto that much longer and stronger than we would a positive one.” (15:10)
• “This practice isn’t about simply reflecting, okay? It’s about helping our ADHD brain develop that skill of self-awareness. It’s helping to build that muscle.” (16:28)
• “The questions are really simple, but they help us to build our self-awareness muscle, which is so important for those of us with ADHD.” (49:45)

Episode Timestamps

• 00:42 – 09:00: ADHD brains, negativity bias, “the gap” vs. “the gain”
• 09:00 – 18:20: Importance of reflection, overcoming working memory issues, role of self-awareness
• 18:20 – 27:55: Question 1 (Highlights) – categories, personal and client examples
• 27:55 – 34:07: Question 2 (Lowlights) – scientific approach, self-compassion, examples
• 34:07 – 40:10: Question 3 (Lessons) – curiosity, pattern recognition, client stories
• 40:10 – 43:14: Question 4 (Snapshot: Values & Identity)
• 43:14 – 45:25: Question 5 (What to Stop Doing)
• 45:25 – 49:45: Question 6 (What to Start Doing) and practical system-building
• 49:45 – End: Recap, encouragement to use supportive tools/people, closing motivational message

Closing Thoughts

This episode provides a rich, structured self-reflection process tailored to the unique rhythms, challenges, and strengths of ADHD brains. Xena’s approach is concrete, compassionate, and highly actionable, making this an ideal yearly or anytime practice for anyone seeking growth and self-understanding with ADHD.

“Huge love, my friend. Happy New Year. 2026 is going to be amazing. Let’s fucking go.” (49:55)