← Networth and Chill with Your Rich BFF
Networth and Chill with Your Rich BFF
Am I The Financial A**hole? Cheating Fiancé Demands Half My House Profit
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We were at the bar together and I decided to be nice by putting his drinks on my tab. He accused me of emasculating him and making him look poor. People were giving him their drink requests thinking he was paying. The guy told the bartender to put it all on my tab and then left and assumed I was rich enough to handle it. Oh my God. Ruh Ro. What's up rich friends? And welcome back to another episode of Net Worth and Chill with me, your host Vivian Tu, AKA Yourich BFF and your favorite Wall street girly. I'm back with round two of Am I the A Hole Finance Edition. If you missed the first episode, here's the deal. I flipped the script on those classic Am I the A Hole Dilemma posts, but we're talking cold hard cash instead of just life drama. You absolutely crushed it with your submissions last time. Seriously, some of you are living in financial soap operas. So I put out another bat signal for your wildest money stories, sticky financial situations, and those cringe worthy conundrums that keep you up at night wondering if you're the villain in your own story. And let me tell you, the BFFs did not disappoint. I have so much juicy content that I could probably do 10 episodes just from this batch alone. Today, I'm diving into this fresh collection of financial chaos to answer the ultimate Are you actually being a financial a hole or are you totally in the clear? Some of these stories had me genuinely shook and I have a feeling you're going to have some strong opinions too. So let's get into it. Support for this show comes from Lufthansa. When you want to get away in style, Lufthansa Allegris offers a range of new features and amenities across all travel classes. The Lufthansa Allegris Business class allows you to choose from five different seat options, including the extra space seat or the extra long bed in the first class suite. Almost floor to ceiling partitions and closable doors provide maximum privacy and make your trip above clouds feel just like home. But no matter where you sit, your travel experience is tailored to your needs and you'll wish it could last a lifetime. Say yes to Lufthansa allegris and visit lufthansa.com first story Alrighty. I bought a house with my boyfriend. Eventually fiance. He had almost no money at the time. I put down the entire down payment and kept the house only in my name. After five years together, I found out he cheated on me with two different women, which started within the first few months of us dating, when I found out, I ended the engagement, put the house on the market, and moved back to my hometown. I paid him back all of the money for home improvements. We split things like central AC, the fence, etc. But I kept the six figure profit from the sale of the house, even though he expected me to share it. Signed, sleeping peacefully on my bed of money. Oh my God. You are not the financial a hole. First and foremost, like if you are putting the entire down payment down, you are the person wearing all of the risk. You know, in your submission, you don't share whether or not your fiance was paying you rent every single month, but frankly, he would have to pay rent somewhere if he didn't live with you. And so ultimately you putting your money into that home, was you taking on the risk of owning that property? Say a tornado comes through, was he going to help you rebuild the home if there was a major leak and there was a monster hole in your roof and it caved in? If you guys broke up, would he be responsible for that? No. So when you left, when this whole relationship fell apart, you should be able to keep the six figure profit from having taken an investment that carries both risk and potential reward. And certainly not to mention the fact that this person also, you know, completely lied to you, really, really broke your trust, really did a horrible, terrible thing. Let's not even mention that. But just from the facts and figures, you are not the a hole. This is your property. Just because he was choosing to split some home improvement costs does not mean he's entitled to any of the property. Question number two. I went back to school, got a new job, and I was able to pay off my mom's $20,000 in credit card debt. She is disabled and cannot work. I then paid off all my debts and I'm currently debt free. I'm trying to build up my emergency fund so I can start investing, but I keep slipping back into debt to help her with things around her home that would take her ages to pay off on her own or, or require her to go back into credit card debt? I want to build up my wealth, but I feel absolutely terrible about not helping her more and setting boundaries. Am I the a hole for not fixing things, slash paying off her mortgage, et cetera? Signed a guilty daughter. I have a couple opinions here. First and foremost, if you are the person who is financially supporting your mom, you should also have the right to to dictate in part how some of the decisions in her life get made, right? So just the same way that like my mom used to say this, like, as long as you live under my roof, and you know, I'm like funding your lifestyle, you're going to be home before this curfew, you're going to make sure your grades stay this high. You had rules when you were a young child, teenager, whatever, living in your parents home. Great. That was because in part they were funding everything that you were doing. If you are now the reverse, you are funding the things for your mom. It's not that you are an a hole for not wanting to do that, but I do think that you need to feel comfortable setting boundaries and saying, hey, mom, if you are in a home that you cannot afford anymore, if you can't work, if you are disabled, perhaps this is an opportunity for us to discuss what it would look like for you to move into maybe a more accessible condo or a smaller home that maybe doesn't have stairs. Something that's going to make those financial obligations more manageable so that you do not feel like you are giving up your own financial security for hers. I don't think either of you are the a hole in this story unless your mom's like really putting a ton of pressure on you. I am also getting the sense that this is very much like eldest daughter coded. So I would say you may be rushing to her rescue before she even asks for that help. Because you see a problem and you want to fix it even before it really like presents itself. So I would say have a candid conversation about, like, what currently makes sense for your mom's financial situation. Two, discussing how much you are or are not willing to contribute to her financial picture and then figuring out if there's a way to be able to do that to an extent, while still really managing your own finances. It is not your obligation to financially provide for her. It was her obligation to financially provide for you up to the age of 18, in many cases up to, you know, 21, what have you. But like, yes, I also believe in filial piety. I believe that you should help your family when you can. But it sounds like your mom is in a situation where she will not be able to go back to work ever. So if she's in a home that currently she cannot sustain based off of disability payments or Social Security payments, whatever that she's getting, like, there needs to be a real conversation of like, what is actually a legitimate way for us to move forward. Cause it can't just be, oh, my daughter takes care of everything. Next story on my dad's 59th birthday, he told us that he'd like to take an international trip for his 60th, so. So one year in advance. All right, that's pretty good timing. I, being the oldest and firstborn daughter, 33 years old, took it as I need to make this happen, and I will plan, girl. I'm just saying I'm. I'm the same way. But being the eldest daughter, especially the eldest daughter in an immigrant family, like, it is thankless work. My sister, 31 years old, apparently didn't take it very seriously because we never, and I quote, sat down and planned on paper, even though we've talked about where dad wanted to go, and I was actively looking at flights since the beginning of the year. Here we are, four months before my dad's birthday, she flips out that we were buying flight tickets, saying she didn't take us seriously and bashing us for buying flights because she didn't have that in the budget, practically blaming us for her not being prepared or quote, unquote, rich enough to buy flight tickets financially. Am I the asshole for not planning on paper and causing her to be unprepared financially? Seriously? How is it everyone else's fault that she didn't take it seriously and didn't budget? She even told me and my parents, I'm not rich like y'. All. And when no one responded to her, she ultimately bought the flight tickets. If this is how she's acting before we even leave for the trip, I fear it'll only get worse as we look for hotels and buy tickets to visit landmarks. To where I lose my shit. She is married and her husband isn't going. Signed, the tired backbone. Oof. Eldest daughter is always the backbone in the family. Thankless work. Okay, so let's address a couple things. Just because you never sat down and planned on paper doesn't mean you probably didn't have a number of very qualified conversations of, hey, dad said this. We're planning this. I just refuse to believe that you popped up one day and said, all right, time to buy the tickets. Like, there had to have been conversations. Perhaps. Maybe she was not as involved in those conversations. Maybe they happened in the group chat. She didn't check it. I get it. But she has a decent amount of time before the actual event. Um, it's four months before your dad's birthday. She said she didn't take you seriously and that she isn't rich enough to afford the tickets. But the fact that you guys ignored her and then she ended up buying them anyway. Goes to show to me that like maybe she's just frustrated and doesn't want to spend her money on your dad's birthday. And I think that's a little frustrating, especially if that's a decision you've made together as a family. I don't think you're an a hole for not planning on paper. And it's certainly not your responsibility to ensure that she's financially prepared. That said, going forward, having check ins, so maybe it's, you know, it's a year out from your dad's birthday. Maybe when it's eight months out, be like, hey, this is something we are going to do. What is your budget? What are you comfortable with? I think that's the only faux pas that wasn't addressed ahead of time was no one in this planning process asked your sister, hey, what is your budget ultimately? Now that it seems like she did buy the flight, you guys are all gonna go. The conversation to have with her is what is in your budget for actually spending once we get there. This could mean, hey, like you're gonna maybe have to split a bedroom with me when we get hotels. Maybe it's. There is going to be a day that mom and dad and I are going to go on an excursion and if you don't want to go or if you can't afford to go, that's totally fine. Just know that like your decision to buy those flight tickets tells me that you are coming. So please do not ruin dad's birthday by, you know, being a Debbie Downer. Like, let's have a good time. So tell me your budget. We'll plan around it. You won't have to spend on anything that you're not comfortable with. But do recognize that there will be a budget necessary for once we get there. Because it's not just the flight. It's going to be the hotel costs, it's going to be the food, it's going to be the excursions, it's going to be transportation, you know, even just like a taxi from the airport to your hotel. Even if it's just a tour guide or you know, a couple bucks to get on the local public transportation. Like there is going to be costs incurred on the ground and she does need to be prepared for that. So I would have that conversation now, four months before it happens and tell her to start budgeting now. Otherwise this is exactly what you think is going to happen. You, she's going to continue to complain and you're probably going to blow up and it's going to ruin your dad's birthday. And I know no matter who you are, who your sister is, you don't want to ruin your dad's birthday. Like, it seems like you guys have a great family. This is just a misunderstanding. I don't think you're the a hole. I think there should have been maybe a little bit more pre conversation around how much this was all going to cost. But I also think there is a bit of lack of responsibility on her end to have budgeted for this in the beginning knowing full well that this was something that you were planning on doing together as a family. Next story I got my ex boyfriend to lower his credit card debt from $7,000 to zero in six months by nagging him to use cash and debit. He yelled at me one day for nagging and I shut up for five years only to find out he racked up 37,000 during that time and then had to file for bankruptcy. Am I the financial a hole for nagging? No. Let me take a step back. That was my initial gut reaction because I think I am also someone who believes in the results. If you nagging him for six months got him to go from $7,000 in credit card debt to zero, it clearly worked. And then if you didn't nag for five years and he racked up $37,000, clearly he needed somebody, or at least personally to take accountability for his spending habits. What I encourage you to think about is why you felt the need to nag him in the first place and why you chose to stay with him versus considering that maybe he was not the right partner because your financial goals didn't line. I see that, you know, you did say that it was your ex boyfriend, so I'm glad that you're out of that relationship. But I think one of the most important things for all of us to remember is that the most important financial decision you will ever make is the partner you pick. This is the person who is going to help you navigate the death of your parents and the birth of your children if you choose to have them. This is the person that will see you through all of the highs in your life, whether that be personal wins, career wins, you know, whatever, but also the lowest of lows. It bewilders me that someone would let things get so out of hand, especially knowing that he had you. Someone who was open and willing to help him with it. I'm sure it felt very different and by the time he started to rack that debt up, he probably felt a deep level of shame and fear that if he told you, you were going to like flip out about it. Which fair. But I do think that at a certain point their level there is a need of personal accountability that needs to be taken. You can't nag him for the rest of your life. At a certain point, your partner has to want to be better for themself, for you. They should want to be the best version of themself because that is the person you deserve. And I give you a really, really silly example. My husband is someone who refuses to moisturize his feet. He's gonna kill me for saying this story, but he has crusty, scraggly feet. And we have sheets that sometimes his crusty, scraggly feet catch on. And I would nag him and nag him and he, you know, whatever. Like I would nag him about moisturizing his feet. And the other day I heard him from the shower putting on like an aquaphor spray. Cause I know what that can sounds like on his feet. And I was like, are you spraying your feet? And he was like, yeah. And I can't tell you what the moment was or why it happened necessarily, but at a certain point of me hassling him, asking him to moisturize, he made the decision to do it. Maybe it's because he noticed his side of the duvet was getting a little bit uncomfortable and it was pilling by his toes. Maybe he noticed that every time we were flipping the duvet, one more spot would get scratchy. But I think your, your person can tolerate a certain level of nagging from you, but you don't need to keep nagging. It has to be something that they want to fix themselves. Support for this show comes from Lufthansa. A flight is more than just a flight. It's a journey and a promise of a destination. But how you travel matters just as much as where you travel. And with Lufthansa Allegris you can find a high quality travel experience to relish every step of the way. The Lufthansa Allegris first class suites provide almost floor to ceiling partitions and closable doors, creating maximum, maximum privacy for travelers. They also come equipped with a spacious dining table, individually adjustable and temperature controlled seats with a do not disturb feature. Plus the wide seat in your suite can easily be converted into a bed that is over six feet long, ensuring a restful night's sleep on board. And if you fly Lufthansa Allegris business class, you'll have five different seat options to choose from such as extra long bed the privacy seat or the extra space seat. Enjoy your travel experience tailored to your needs. No matter where you sit, you'll want to stay on your Lufthansa flight for as long as possible. Say yes to Lufthansa allegris and visit lufthansa.com Next story I was in a relationship with a man for over a year and a half and we lived together during that time. I helped him grow his business while I was between jobs. I work as an executive leader. When I moved in, I started paying rent that went towards his mortgage. I also planned and paid for our holiday trip. When we broke up, we estimated he owed me around 8 to $10,000 based on agreed upon hours I spent building his business, travel costs and more. He said he wanted to pay in installments but claimed he only owed $6,000. He offered to pay through his business to my LLC. He paid one $2,000 invoice, then sent a message saying he didn't feel like he could pay the rest. Plus a bunch of other bs. Recently I told his best friend's wife about what happened. Am I the asshole? Signed, dumped and dusted? No, I don't think you're the financial a hole. I do think even when you are in a relationship with someone time you very much love, once you start to mix business and personal, I encourage you to be mindful and just get a contract in and say, hey, this is my agreed upon hourly rate. I'm going to send you a ledger of what you know, what's important to me. I think it's one thing if you're just like, oh, like I have a fun little idea to share with you at the dinner table, but it sounds like you were actually working working at his business. You should have been compensated for that. I'm sure that there is probably an attorney out there that would be willing to take on your case to, you know, speak to him about what he may potentially still owe you. But I don't think the legal fees would even make that lawsuit worth it. I think this is just a lesson for the future. Going into business with anybody you want to get paperwork in place. It's very much a lesson that I have personally also had to learn the hard way. Sometimes you can't mix business and pleasure and the fact about, you know, you, you telling his best friend's wife like people gossip, people talk, perhaps a little bit of peer pressure might actually shame him into paying you. I really do believe that because I think one of the things that men oftentimes least like to feel is emasculated and broke. Certainly not nice for him. But at the end of the day, like, I feel like you were kind of the one who was left high and dry. So I don't think you're the a hole. I just encourage you to protect yourself a little bit more going forward. Next story My sis was in a lot of debt and chose to use money from her 401k to pay off credit cards instead of getting a loan. I tried to explain that there were better solutions, but couldn't really find proper ways to say it. How can I speak about finances with family without sounding like a know it all signed trying his best brother. I I love that you sound like an incredible brother. I don't know if you've ever heard this saying, there's nobody more zealous than the converted. I feel like for folks who have started their own financial journey or found financial stability for themselves, it's really hard to encapsulate how good it feels to go to sleep at night knowing that, like your life is in order. And I certainly felt a difference from my early 20s to my late 20s. My early 20s I was spending irresponsibly, did not budget, was barely investing. And by my late 20s, like I could sleep at night knowing that if I got fired the next day, I was going to be able to support myself for the next calendar year. I had money working hard for me. Like, you know, I just felt I had found the like magic fountain, magic fountain of youth and I was really excited to share it with people. But oftentimes to that point it can make us sound like a know it all. What I would encourage you is to do it with grace and love and lightness. You really do sound like an incredible brother. When she was talking to you about choosing to take money out of her 401k to pay off this credit card debt, it's not necessarily you being like, actually that's a terrible idea. You should do this. Instead, I would actually pose it as a question and say, huh? Like really, really proud of you for trying to get your credit card debt completely managed. Have you actually considered, and that's where you would mention things like a balance transfer card or a personal loan or credit counseling and all of these other options that likely are better solutions to paying down that credit card debt than taking money out of your 401k? That conversation comes off as so much less aggressive as a question, like probing versus a, you know, demand or like a directive. And the reason that's powerful is because my Guess is, on that list of a couple things that were her alternatives, there would probably be one or two that she's like, I don't even know what that is. And then she'll be like, what is that? So then you'd have the opportunity to be like, okay, well, you know, credit card interest rates are very high, which is why if you get a balance transfer card, which is another credit card, you can transfer your balance for a small fee. And then for, for the first 12 to 18 months, you can just pay down the actual amount of money you borrowed and there will be no interest growing. Or she'll be like, I don't know what a personal loan is. A personal loan, you go to a bank credit card interest rates are 20 to 30%. At a bank, you can get a loan with an interest rate of 7 to 15% annually. This means that money can then be used to pay off your credit card debt, and then you pay back the loan to the bank at a lower interest rate. This helps you save money. Credit counseling. If you have a lot of debt and it's really overwhelming, there is a nonprofit credit counseling service that can actually hold your hand and negotiate with these credit card companies on your behalf. And there's a lot of different options. So I think when she then probes you for more answers, you want to be prepared to talk about them. It can't just be your idea is bad, but I don't have a solution. If you're going to correct her, it's going to be, hey, are these other things you've thought about? And then you have to be very comfortable with this. If you ask those questions and give her these alternatives, if she still chooses to go with her original decision, you have to be able to live with that. That is the thing that I think people have a hard time with is when they know personally that the decision is wrong, they start a fight. And that is going to actually hurt your relationship with your sister more than it'll benefit it. Be there to provide alternative solutions that may work better, but you have to recognize that also it's her life. You're not a know it all, you're not an a hole, and neither is your sister. I just think we as a society could all use a quick lesson in how to communicate a little bit more empathetically. To actually get what we want is, you know, to really suggest versus demand. Okay, next submission. I organized an Airbnb for a group of 10 people, but about two months out, my husband hurt his back really terribly and can't travel anymore. I've already charged everyone for their share. Would I be an a hole to ask everyone to split the difference of his spot, or do I just eat the cost? Signed Anxious Armadillo. So I do believe that if you asked everyone else to split the difference for your husband's spot, that would be a financial a hole move, and I'll explain why. When you organize the Airbnb, my assumption would be that you and your husband would split a room of the other, you know, eight people. They're probably also other couples or maybe there's a singleton, what have you. But I don't think it's necessarily fair to ask them to split the difference of your husband's spot because it's not like they can necessarily take advantage of any of those benefits. It's not necessarily like, oh, hey, like we have 100 oranges and we had a couple people drop out. Do you want some more oranges? Like, sure, they actually get the benefit of having more oranges, but in this case, you would likely still sleep in that same bedroom, just in the bed alone, and they don't get to actually enjoy the benefit of that. They also likely probably budgeted this trip based on the numbers you gave them at the beginning, and many would not feel comfortable adding to that cost if they've already budgeted for a certain amount. What I would actually recommend is, is if your husband hurt his back really terribly and he can't travel anymore, if you have someone maybe in your family or his family that is able to care for him, would this be a trip that you would be able to take, maybe with a girlfriend who would be interested and has the budget for this? Is this something where you could take maybe one of your kids or, you know, just a friend that would allow you not necessarily to have to eat the cost, but you know, it does. It does bring one more person into the equation. Ultimately, these types of things do happen. I don't think it's necessarily fair for people to have to eat the cost. Taking a quick pause from our show to take a question from my besties in Phone a Friend, presented by Lufthansa, where I'm answering your burning questions. So Michael asks, when should you splurge and when should you save? When it comes to travel, knowing when to splurge and when to save while traveling can make all the difference between an unforgettable experience and a budget nightmare that spirals into credit card debt. Here's how I like to think about it. When I'm traveling first and Foremost experiences over things. I love spending money on unique activities. I'm splurging on these experiences that you can't get anywhere else like a pasta making class in Italy or a sushi tour in Tokyo onto a big part of traveling. Your hotel location matters. If you're going for a more resort style trip like a beach vacation in Hawaii, it might be worth it to pay a little bit more for a luxurious room as you'll be spending a decent chunk of your time at your home base at the actual resort. That said, if you're taking a more city oriented trip, you may want to focus on location over just comfort. Being at the heart of it all and close to attractions can save you time and transportation costs and odds are good you won't spend nearly as much time as you think in the actual hotel room. So. So if you're taking a city vacation, I would say splurge on being close to the stuff, but it's going to be more worthwhile than having a really nice hotel on the outskirts of town. Also, having flexible dates and using flexible date search tools to find the best deals on flights and accommodations can save you a ton of money. And honestly, sometimes shifting your travel dates by just a day or two can save you a ton. Ultimately, it's about finding the right balance that aligns with your travel goals and your budget. So so you can have as much as you want without breaking the bank. Now let's get back to our show next Am I the financial a hole? All right. I'm currently nine months pregnant. I went out to dinner at a sushi restaurant with a group of friends. They all ordered multiple fresh fish sushi dishes with sake and cocktails while I had a shrimp tempura roll with soup with water. Got you. Because pregnant people cannot eat raw fish or drink, when the check came they wanted to split it evenly. I insisted on each paying our individual share. Am I the financial a hole? Signed baby check? I actually don't think you are the financial a hole in the situation because where people get mixed up is the folks who try to split hairs and are like oh well the checks like a $3 difference. We should, we should each individually, you know, itemize and that type of personality I think it's gives the rest of folks who want to get separate checks a really bad rap. I have no reason to assume that if it was just one off handed drink, you would not be willing to just split the check, but a bunch of fresh fish dishes. Knowing how expensive fresh sushi can cost with sake and Cocktails, which are also quite expensive with you having just had a shrimp tempura roll and soup and water, it doesn't feel fair to me. I don't know how many friends were at this dinner, but a cocktail these days at a, a nice restaurant could be upwards of $20. You know, I've seen cocktails in New York as expensive as $30. It's crazy. Even in, you know, a more rural or suburban neighborhood, a drink could be $12. So if each of your friend gets a drink, you're subsidizing that. If they all then get sushi, you're subsidizing that. I'm curious how your friends responded to that. But ultimately if you know, they agreed and then understood what your rationale was. I don't think anybody's the a hole in this situation. I, I just think that like you need to have that conversation and once the conversation's had, so be it. That's good. We should all feel more empowered and emboldened to have financial conversations with our friends. Okay, next submission. My husband and his three siblings give his parents a monthly allowance to help pay their bills. Am I an a hole because I don't agree with this signed annoyed daughter in law rut row. So I think that I understand this situation because in many cultures, especially ones where, you know, first gen immigrant cultures, what happened, what have you there feels like an obligation to take care of your parents as they get older. But this should have been a conversation you had before you became a daughter in law. This should have been a question of, hey, like what is the plan for, for our parents as they get older? Are we planning on financially supporting them, not planning on helping them? Like are they going to be put into a retirement home? Are they going to live with us? Like these are conversations that I really encourage people to have with their significant others before you get married because this is a fundamental difference in your financial beliefs. You're not an a hole for not agreeing to this. But I do think it was foolish for, for you and your husband to not have this conversation earlier on. I guess my follow up question would be, is there a reason you disagree with it? Is it because it irritates you that there are things that your family has to go without so that they can have that stipend? Is it just because you don't think it's fair? Is it because you're not giving a stipend to your parents? I think there's a lot of nuance with this question, but because I don't have Any more details? I would just say have an honest conversation with your partner, especially if you have any intention of staying with this partner. Your husband's not going to magically one day up and not want to take care of his parents. But that care can look very different depending on this important conversation you have together. Next story. Husband learned about investing recently and decided he wants to fast track our savings and investments and set a goal for us to aggressively allocate six months of savings and a hundred thousand dollars into the S and P. I agreed and we're on track, but oh my God, I'm over this and just want to take a break to go back to doing fun house projects. We're 35 and 40 though. He says we have no time to deviate from the plan. Am I the financial a hole or is he signed just a girl trying to have fun? Oof. Okay. I don't know exactly what your financial situation looks like and why he set this goal to aggressively allocate six months of savings and $100,000 into the S and P, but what I don't like about this is that he set the goal. You should have set the goal together because you're married and your finances are intertwined. I don't think it's fair that one person in any relationship gets to dictate what the goal is. That said, at 35 and 40, you are closer to retirement than you were in your 20s. And we already know that the vast majority of people are underfunded for their retirement. So I am certainly someone who wants to err on the side of caution because I'd rather live a little less lavishly now and then have money for when I'm older and can't work, then really feel like I need to go without then. I think your husband is trying to be overly cautious and very prudent, or maybe just the right amount of cautious and you guys are behind. I don't exactly know, but I think his decision to unilaterally come up with a goal and your frustration about like, I just want to take a break and go back to doing fun stuff. Both of you are a little bit the financial a hole in this situation because you didn't talk to each other. But there is a way to fix this. You guys should sit down and truly assess what you need for retirement. Truly assess based on what you want to still do the fun stuff you still want to do. I would encourage you to see if there's a way for you to still do some of those fun things and Hit your goal. Maybe not on as steep of a timeline. This isn't to say that one of you is right or wrong. I certainly can't know that without knowing your entire financial picture. But one person setting goals, one person deviating from them, not being on the same page financially is a recipe for disaster. So the sooner you guys can get aligned on what the goal is, when the goal should be achieved, and what fun things you can still do along the way, the better off you'll be. Next story. I was living in a hostel and flirting with a guy, male, 35, and I was a female, 20 at the time. He was a typical playboy, always hitting on women at bars and buying them drinks. I once heard him complain to friends about how expensive women are and how he's always the one paying. One night, we were at the bar together and I decided to be nice by putting his drinks on my tab. When he found out he was pissed, he accused me of emasculating him and making him look poor. Later that same night, he started ordering rounds of shots for everyone at nearby tables. People were giving him their drink requests, thinking he was paying. At the end of the night, the bartender brought me the bill for drinks ordered by about eight people I didn't know. Apparently, the guy told the bartender to put it all on my tab and then left. The bartender and another guy felt bad and split the bill with me. I confronted him later since we were roommates, and he said he did it to show me how it feels and assumed I was rich enough to handle it. Oh, my God. Am I the financial a hole? Signed masculinity on the rocks. I am honestly quite speechless at this story. Not only are you not the financial a hole, it sounds like this guy was an actual sociopath. Like a terrible, terrible person. First and foremost, nobody that you don't know should be putting anything on your tab. I. I'm, like, at a loss for words. Honestly, this guy sounds like he has terrible, rancid energy. He sounds like he is incredibly insecure, and he feels like the only benefit he can bring to the table in any relationship, any scenario, is financial. He's incredibly disrespectful for putting a financial burden on you and this nice gentleman and the bartender who chose to split the tab with you. And frankly, I don't know why you were speaking to this man in the first place, like he sounds terrible. You are not the financial a hole. If anybody listening to this meets a man who behaves this way, run. I need you to run like Usain Bolt. I need you to run like you are running a marathon. Like, quickly, quickly in the other direction. I am floored by this. If anyone did this to me, my question would not be, am I the financial a hole? My question would be, would you like me to punch you in your throat or in your eye? That's crazy. That's actually insane. Wow. I feel like I'm like shook after that story. Okay, next submission. Is my dad an a hole? It is known that my dad is very good at managing and budgeting his money. So at a family gathering, when he told my siblings and I, all adult children, that he was in dire need of cash, we assumed he must be in a bind. He asked for each of my siblings to gift him $5,000. I was married with a new baby and was only able to comfortably gift him $1,000. I brought this to him and he said nothing. A week later, he gathered my siblings, five of us, and said how disappointed he was that only one of us was able to give only $1,000. He then revealed he did not need this money at all. He just wanted to know who had emergency funds and was disappointed that none of his children learned anything. This is so funny. Am I the financial a hole? Signed dishonor on us all? I know the person who submitted this is Asian. I know. Um, I am. Okay, listen, listen. Your. Your dad is good intentioned, but so misguided in how to execute this. This is an insane way to test if you're, if you're like, children have emergency funds. First and foremost, did he give you the thousand dollars back? But two, I think he has to wreck. He also should realize that, like, just because you have $5,000 in your emergency fund doesn't mean that you would give it to him. This is an insane test. I do not encourage parents to do this to their children. This is like emotional warfare. And it also leads to a severe level of mistrust and distrust between parent and child. So, no, you are not the financial a hole your dad might be. I think it's a special brand of a hole. It's like immigrant Asian father a holeness. I'm not saying it's better than any other type of brand of a hole, but it's one that is executed hoping for your benefit. It just is misguided. I would forgive your dad, but be very clear to him that like, you do manage your own money in a healthy way. You just did not necessarily feel comfortable dealing with your finances with him in such like an emotionally charged and high stakes, like, almost like Hostage situation. Like it. Just like it's not fair. He shouldn't have done that. I bet you my dad would do something like that though. What am I? Who am I to say anything? Last two submissions. First up. Hey, Rich bff. A lot of people live with family to save money, myself included. I'm a 27 year old female who finished grad school a little over a year ago and I'm living with my parents. I pay for all of our groceries and many of the times we go out to eat as my rent. They never asked me to, but I want to. Whoever your parents are, they raised you correctly. Good on you. My uncle has been living with my grandma since he was a child and never pays her rent or even utilities. Ooh. He is in his 40s with a normal job and lives in her home with his significant other who also has a job. My grandma's taking out loans to live at her assisted living facility while he is living in her home completely for free. Am I the financial a hole for wanting to confront him about this signed sad granddaughter? I think this would be a different conversation if your grandmother was financially free, completely stable and, you know, doing really well. And maybe she wants to help out her son, your uncle, but the fact that she's taking out loans to live in an assisted living facility while he's living in her home completely for free is crazy. I'm not saying she has to charge him market rent, but she should be getting some sort of financial input from him because if he lived anywhere else, he would have to pay rent. She's not even in the home. So he's basically staying in her home for free. He's basically renting it for free. And he also has a spouse who has a job. So it certainly doesn't sound like they are in such a dire situation that they wouldn't be able to afford some sort of payment. I know families who do this. Like some that are like, hey, to rent this home on the market would be $4,000 a month because we're family. You can pay me too. Great. They get the whole home to themselves. They have their kids, they have whatever. Like they're able to set it up and it's like a benefit to both the elder person who may need to live in an assisted living facility or and also to the family because let's be honest, homes are getting more and more expensive and this generational helping each other is how we all like, you know, act as a puzzle and a, a puzzle piece in this puzzle. So no, you are not the financial a hole. I think it is problematic that your grandma is having to take out loans to afford her retirement and he is not helping out in any way. This is not to say if, even if he did pay, that she wouldn't still have to take out loans because assisted living is very expensive. But he should certainly be helping with that. That's crazy. I don't think that's right. And even hearing from you saying, I don't pay rent, but I pay for groceries, I pay for things to go out to eat. Like, is your uncle doing, like, care things? Like, is he taking grandma to her doctor's appointments? Is he the one making sure that she gets to and from church on Sundays safely? Is he visiting her all the time? Even more so than maybe one of you are parents? I think there's value in that. But it does sound like he's just kind of, you know, getting away with this scot free and living his own happy life, pretending that his mom is not going into debt to retire. That's crazy. You are not the financial a hole. Okay? And last story of today. My parents took me to Best Buy to help pick out a laptop for my sister who's about to start college. When it came time to pay, I hesitated and eventually refused to pay. My reasoning is that when I started college, I worked hard, saved, and bought my own laptop without having to ask anyone for help. I don't think it's fair for me to pay for hers when she could have done the same. My mom got upset and said the whole point of asking me to come was so I could pay for it. I understand they might be going through financial struggles, but I still feel like it's not my responsibility. In the end, I didn't pay for the laptop. Am I the financial a hole? Signed frugal sibling? No, you are not the financial a hole. It is not your responsibility to take care of your siblings. I cannot emphasize that enough. Do I think you should help your siblings? Yes. I'm not a, you know, weirdo. But it is not your job to financially support your siblings if your parents cannot do so. It is annoying to me that your parents did not sit you down in the first place before being like, come with. Come to us. Come with us to Best Buy. Like, they should have sat you down and been like, hey, mom and dad are going through a tough time. Like, we would really appreciate some help if you could help get your sister a laptop. We will pay you back if that's something that they wanted to pay for. Or maybe Your sister is going to pick up a part time job and she can help pay you back over time, whatever. But in the same way that like you paid for your own laptop, it didn't sound like your parents helped you with yours. I don't know why there's an expectation that you would help your sister pay for hers. Just because now that it sounds like you're out of college and working, I think your parents should have had that conversation with you. I think you should have a conversation with your sister of, you want a laptop? Here's how you're going to get it. You are going to come to my house every single Sunday before school starts and you are going to mow the lawn or you're going to do these chores for me, or you're going like, make it a barter, like make her earn it. It's not going to kill her to, you know, scrub your toilets. It's not going to kill her to help you with some chores or whatever. But then you can still provide some of that benefit if this is something you choose to do. You can also say, I don't want anybody to do any of those things for me and I don't want to pay for this. That is your right. I cannot stress this enough. Especially in immigrant families, there is such a weight and burden placed on older siblings to care for younger siblings. And it's not fair. You should want to help your sister, but in a way that you're comfortable. That doesn't necessarily mean buying a fifteen hundred dollar laptop. So have the conversations, but make it very clear what your financial boundaries are. Maybe it's you can get her a gift of, you know, 200 and that will go towards her laptop fund, but she has to find the rest of that money herself. That's life. Nobody should expect that everything in their life is handed to them. You didn't and it sounds like you were certainly able to find a way to pay for it. And I think that she should learn that as well. Woo. Well, that was a doozy. Now besties, as we wrap this episode up, I need you to hear this. Your financial curiosity does not make you the a hole. Whether you're wondering if your salary stacks up, questioning a friend's spending expectations, or trying to decode your partner's money habits, these aren't shallow concerns. They're the foundation of healthy relationships. Today's stories prove that money silence breeds resentment. That co worker who won't discuss salaries. They might be projecting information that could change your career trajectory. That friend planning the expensive weekend getaway without checking budgets first. They're setting everyone up for awkwardness or exclusion. That partner who gets weird about financial discussions? Red Flag Money conversations aren't just about dollars and cents. They're about values, priorities, and respect. Start small, stay curious, and remember, the people who get uncomfortable when you ask reasonable money questions are usually the ones with something to hide. See you next week, Besties. Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Net Worth and Chill, part of the Vox Media Podcast network. If you like the episode, make sure to leave a rating and review and subscribe so you never miss an episode. Got a burning financial question that you want covered in a future episode? Write to us via podcastorrichbff.com follow Net Worth and Chillpod on Instagram to stay up to date on all podcast related news and you can follow me at yourrichbff for even more financial know how. 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