Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: New Books Network

Episode: William Ury, "Possible: How We Survive (and Thrive) in an Age of Conflict"
Host: Renee Garfinkel
Guest: William Ury
Release Date: November 15, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode features a conversation between host Renee Garfinkel and renowned negotiator William Ury, co-author of the classic "Getting to Yes" and a pioneer in conflict resolution. The discussion revolves around Ury's new book, "Possible: How We Survive and Thrive in an Age of Conflict" (Harper Business, 2024), which explores approaches to transforming personal, organizational, and global conflicts. Ury reflects on optimism versus realism, the importance of self-mastery, creativity in negotiation, and his experiences mediating some of the world's toughest disputes.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Meaning Behind "Possible"

• Possibilism vs. Optimism/Pessimism
  • Ury identifies as a "possibilist," someone who believes in the human capacity to transform deep-seated disputes.
    • Quote:
      "Actually, I'm a possibilist. In other words, I believe in human possibility. I believe in the potential of human beings to transform their conflicts, whether it's at home, at work, or in the wider world." (03:25)
  • Cites the fall of the Berlin Wall and the end of apartheid as examples of seemingly impossible transformations becoming reality.

Hope as a Choice

• Hope Is Active, Not Passive
  • Ury views hope as a decision to act constructively in conflict, not a passive feeling.
    • Quote:
      "Hope is not a feeling, it's a choice." (04:46)
  • He explains conflict is inherent to human nature and increasing due to change and complexity, but encourages us to transform its form—from destructive to constructive—through dialogue and negotiation.

Interdisciplinary Approach to Conflict

• Anthropology, Psychology, Diplomacy
  • Ury's background as an anthropologist shaped his understanding of conflict as human behavior.
  • Collaboration with Roger Fisher at Harvard led him to apply practical, participant-observer methods to negotiation.
    • Notable Moment: Ury describes how a paper he wrote as a graduate student led to Fisher sending his ideas to the Assistant Secretary of State, launching his practical career in negotiation. (06:28)

The "Inner Game" of Negotiation

• Negotiating With Ourselves
  • Ury argues the biggest obstacle in negotiation is often oneself—our reactivity, fear, anger, and emotion.
    • Quote:
      "The single biggest obstacle, us getting what we want in a negotiation, is not who we think it is. We think it's the other side...In fact...the biggest obstacle...is the person I look at in the mirror every morning." (10:08)
  • Advocacy for "going to the balcony"—a metaphor for gaining emotional and cognitive distance during heated moments.
    • Quote:
      "The foundation of successful negotiation is...going to the balcony. ...a mental and emotional balcony, where you can get some perspective, where you can keep your eyes on the prize and ask yourself, what's truly important in that situation?" (11:48)

Understanding Positions vs. Interests

• Digging Deeper in Conflict
  • Cites the classic story of two people arguing over a window, resolved by identifying underlying interests (“fresh air” and “no draft”), not just stated positions (“open window” vs. “closed window”). (13:28)
  • Applies this to high-stakes international negotiations, like the Sinai dispute post-Camp David Accords, emphasizing the need to address core interests (security vs. sovereignty) for sustainable solutions.

Creativity in Conflict Transformation

• Conflict as a Catalyst for Creativity
  • Ury stresses that human creativity, often reserved for the arts or technology, is equally essential for resolving disputes.
    • Quote:
      "We need to take that same creativity and bring it into the negotiating room at the table. ...Creativity is the key to transforming conflicts." (18:42)
  • Advocates "expanding the pie," so all parties can benefit, rather than just dividing limited resources.

Recognizing When Conflict is "Ripe" for Resolution

• Reading the Room
  • Ury describes a "sixth sense" developed from experience: indicators include more open body language, shift to future-oriented dialogue, and willingness to explore creative solutions.
    • Emotional cues and the parties’ evaluation of their alternatives (BATNA: Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) are critical. (19:44)

Preparing for High-Stakes Negotiation

• Emotional and Practical Readiness
  • Ury favors walks in nature to calm and gain perspective before entering negotiation, and even recommends this as a break during tense sessions.
    • Quote:
      "Walking opens up my perspective. ...Nature tends to have that calming kind of co-regulating effect on our nervous systems." (21:46)

Maintaining Belief in Peace Amid Crisis

• Seeing Possibility Even in War Zones
  • Despite witnessing violence and inhumanity worldwide, Ury says, "I'm always touched by humanity, by people's...openings even in the worst of situations." (23:19)
  • He’s never seen a setting devoid of the potential for positive change.

Learning from Failure

• Setbacks as Stepping Stones
  • Ury notes most negotiations experience failure before reaching success—especially in cases like Northern Ireland.
  • Change often starts small, with grassroots efforts (e.g., mothers or religious leaders meeting) before political leaders follow.

Conflicts Ury Still Wants to Help Resolve

• Top of List:
  • Israeli-Palestinian conflict
  • Russian-Ukrainian conflict
    • Ury draws on examples of past “miracles”—Berlin Wall, South Africa, Northern Ireland—as evidence that even the most entrenched disputes can pivot (27:46).
    • Quote:
      "In Israel, to be a realist, you must believe in miracles." —quoting Ben-Gurion (28:12)
    • He suggests “miracles” are the product of concerted psychological, social, and diplomatic shifts.

Advice for Aspiring Peacemakers

• Start Small, Start Now
  • Encourages young people to look for mediation opportunities in daily life (e.g., classroom, family, community).
    • Quote:
      "Just start...there are conflicts everywhere right now. ...Every one of us is a negotiator. ...Just start doing it a little bit like I did when I was a student." (31:16)
  • Highlights his work mediating small claims as a student for practical experience.

Notable Quotes

• On Conflict’s Potential:
  "Every major success that I've ever seen actually comes through a series of so-called failures." (25:04)
• On Human Creativity:
  "There's only so much land, there's only so much money, but there's an infinite amount of creativity." (18:42)
• On Realism and Miracles:
  "In Israel, to be a realist, you must believe in miracles." (28:12, quoting Ben Gurion)
• On Starting Out:
  "Just start. Don’t wait, just start." (31:16)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Why "Possible" as a title – 03:25
• Hope as a choice – 04:46
• Anthropology shapes negotiation approach – 06:28
• The hardest negotiations are with ourselves – 10:08
• "Going to the balcony" explained – 11:48
• Positions vs. interests – the window/library example – 13:28
• Camp David/Sinai creative solution – 16:20
• Creativity in conflict – 18:42
• Recognizing ripe moments for resolution – 19:44
• Emotional preparation for negotiation – 21:46
• Sustaining hope in war zones – 23:19
• Learning from setbacks and “failures” – 25:04
• Conflicts Ury longs to help resolve – 27:46
• "Miracles" and realism in peace-making – 28:12
• Advice for aspiring peacemakers – 31:16

Memorable Moments

• Ury’s reflection on his start in negotiation—a Harvard professor’s call that changed his life (06:28).
• The “balcony” metaphor for self-mastery in tense negotiations (11:48).
• Applying ancient wisdom (“just start”) to the modern reality that everyone is a negotiator, not just diplomats or business leaders (31:16).

Tone & Stylistic Notes

• Ury blends warmth, humility, and hope with practical wisdom.
• His storytelling is accessible, with relatable personal anecdotes and big-picture examples.
• The overall tone is constructive and encouraging—much like his proposed approach to conflict.

For Listeners Who Haven’t Heard the Episode...

This episode distills the wisdom of one of the world’s foremost negotiators. Ury dispels the myth that conflict is hopeless, arguing that creativity and self-mastery are at the core of every breakthrough. Whether mediating global crises or inter-personal disputes, the skills and mindset needed are fundamentally similar. His practical advice and stories—from war rooms to courtrooms to living rooms—offer inspiration and hands-on strategies for anyone interested in peace-building, wherever they are.