BEST of UNC STORIES Part 1: Big Brother Sterling Sharpe spills ALL the childhood TEA + FIRST Girlfriend + Hilarious FIRST HOUSE mistake

Summary

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Nightcap Podcast — BEST of UNC STORIES Part 1: Big Brother Sterling Sharpe Spills ALL the Childhood Tea

Hosts: Shannon Sharpe (“Unc”), Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson (“Ocho”), plus guests Spanky and Joe
Date: July 23, 2026
Episode Theme: Deep-dive into Sharpe family stories, focusing on childhood tales, first love, the legendary Sharpe work ethic, first big-money mistakes, and life lessons from rural Georgia — all told with trademark humor, honesty, and brotherly ribbing.

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Episode Overview

This episode is the first in a series highlighting the best “UNC” (Uncle) stories from Shannon Sharpe and his big brother Sterling (Spanky). The squad reminisces about growing up in the Sharpe household, life lessons from tough-love relatives, hilarious college love stories, and the sometimes-humbling realities of NFL success.

Throughout, listeners are treated to reveals about “first girlfriends,” sibling pranks, old-school discipline, and the classic mistake of buying a house way over budget after making it big. Shannon’s storytelling is candid, raw, and full of gratitude for his roots and the hustle that shaped his NFL journey.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Realities of NFL Ticket Life

• Player Ticket Prices Then vs. Now: Shannon explains how, when he first came into the NFL, player tickets were about $75, whereas now they can go for $200–$250, with only two comped per game ([03:07]).
  • “All depends who you playing… they up the price. Sometimes you gotta go get somebody else’s tickets.” — Shannon ([03:25])
• Managing Family and Girlfriends at Games: Unc keeps it real about not letting random girlfriends sit with his family, underscoring privacy and the “privilege” of access ([03:55]).
  • “You not sitting with her, hell no. Everybody can’t get that privilege.” — Shannon ([04:10])

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2. First Love: Cookie

• How Shannon Courted Cookie: Hilarious, sweet, and detailed account of Shannon’s college crush—how he “watched” her for weeks in the cafeteria, finally introduced himself, and started dating her ([06:21]–[09:29]).
  • “I was a junior, she was a freshman… I watched her for two weeks.... I was like, what's your name?” — Shannon ([07:36])
• Winning Cookie’s Heart: Shannon puts on bravado, tells her she’ll spot him easily on the field, and gets his roommate involved in the plot ([08:26], [09:28]).
  • “You need to come watch me play. What's your number? I said, you'll know who I am. First 2–3 minutes, no doubt which one I am.” ([09:13]–[09:43])
• Cookie as a True Partner: Classic “college grind” — she helps with laundry and drives his 300 VX T-tops while letting the campus know she’s “his” ([10:00]–[11:10]).
  • Ocho: “She letting the boy know she marked it. Boom!”
  • Shannon: “She come by practice, windows down, top out, blowing the horn.”
• The End of the Story: Despite all the qualities, Shannon admits he was immature; his friends’ jealousy and interference cost him the relationship ([15:23], [15:27]).
  • “I was too young, too immature… all her girlfriends telling her, ‘you don’t need to be with him’… I was so focused, but I’d drive down to see her.” — Shannon ([15:27])
  • Ocho keeps pushing for a Cookie reunion, but Shannon is resolute: “It’s too late, Ocho. That’s 30-plus years!” ([16:40])

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3. Hilarious First House Buying Mistake

• Buying Over-Budget: Shannon recounts stepping into a $625,000 house after being pre-approved for $425,000—he’s blown away by features like a big walk-in shower and finished basement ([17:57]–[19:40]).
  • “First house the lady showed me was 625. I said ‘why you show me this, I can’t afford this?!’ But since we here, let me look around....” ([17:57])
• Justifying the Splurge: Proximity to Buckhead, Lennox Mall, and the allure of luxury overruled the budget ([20:17]).
  • “I think I’m about to be over budget.” — Shannon ([20:59])
• The Consequence: He’s left with a huge house, barely any furniture, and eats cheap food to make the mortgage, yet he takes pride in his king-size bed and custom leather comforter ([23:10], [25:13]).
  • “Man, I ain’t never ate so much tuna, oatmeal and eggs in my life... but that bed was nice.” ([23:10]–[26:03])
• A Life Lesson: The sacrifices made to maintain appearances and the reality of post-draft life for young athletes.

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4. Family Discipline & Childhood Stories with Spanky

• Sibling Dynamics: Spanky and Shannon swap stories about covering for each other and getting caught—especially the classic “who set the field on fire” or “washing the car wrong” stories ([53:19]–[56:46]).
  • “If Shannon know it, you don’t have to bribe him, he gonna tell it for free.” — Spanky ([54:16])
• Strict Upbringing: Tales of their grandfather Barney Porter — tough, pragmatic, and generous with discipline but stingy with praise ([66:15]).
  • “Words you never heard your parent say: ‘Good job.’ Never heard him say that. Whatever you did was wrong until he stopped doing it.” — Spanky ([69:15])
• Country Life: Authentic recall of living with no running water, using wells (with catfish to eat the bugs!), and hand-me-down ‘summer clothes’ ([62:06], [28:56]).
  • “Man, I wore summer clothes. Some of my brothers, some of my uncles… they just passed that thing on down.” — Shannon ([28:56])
• Papa’s Quirks: Papa sleeping on his knees because a “root” had been put on his bed, and superstitions about graves and spirits ([70:00]–[71:39]).
  • “He couldn’t sleep in the bed because he thought somebody put a root on it... If the whole frog would’ve dried up, nothing nobody could have done for him.” — Spanky ([70:16])

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5. Relationship Chaos & Growth

• Dating Stories, Drama, and Regret: Shannon recounts a wild relationship where a woman once put a pistol to his head during an argument, and how his immaturity cost him meaningful relationships ([38:10]–[46:18]).
  • “She went under, got that .45, put it to my head—‘Get your stuff and get out my house. Don’t ever call me again.’ Hunh, that was it.” — Shannon ([39:04])
  • “In my lifetime, there’ve probably been five [women] that were the total package. But I wouldn’t do right. I was flawed.” ([45:06])
• On Being Questioned & Being Grown: He admits he can’t stand being questioned or feeling obligated, reflecting on adolescent dreams of freedom—with unexpected burdens ([46:49]–[47:13]).
  • “When I was a kid… I can’t wait to get grown, I ain’t gonna have to answer to nobody. Didn’t realize all the responsibilities…” — Shannon ([47:04])

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Hometown Humility:

  “I’m just an old country boy from South Georgia, man. Ain’t been a whole lot of places growing up.” — Shannon ([48:06])

• On the Sacrifice for Success:

  “I was eating ketchup with a knit needle. I ain’t never ate so much tuna, oatmeal, and eggs in my life.” — Shannon ([23:09]) “People only see the finished product… the walk you took, the path— they’ll never get it.” — Ocho ([28:27])

• On Family Lessons:

  “You were gonna respect his time because you respected him. If you didn’t, there was consequences and repercussions.” — Spanky on their grandfather ([61:04])

• On Regret and Growth:

  “In my lifetime… five that were the total package. But I wouldn’t do right. I was flawed.” — Shannon ([45:06]) “There’s three for sure, I know I messed up. I was quick: any questions, I’m out.” — Shannon ([45:38])

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Notable Storytime Timestamps

• NFL Ticket Pricing & Family Seating: 03:07–04:26
• Shannon & Cookie — College Crush/First Girlfriend: 06:41–15:27
• First House Buying Fiasco: 17:57–26:03
• Stretching Pennies—Post-NFL Draft Realities: 23:10–28:56
• Discipline & Grandfather Stories: 53:19–61:52
• Hand-me-down Clothes & Wells “Summer Clothes”: 28:56, 62:06
• Catfish in the Well, Country Superstitions: 62:06–71:39
• Relationship Regrets, Woman Pulls a Gun: 38:10–46:29

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Tone & Style

• The episode is an effortless blend of southern storytelling, candid confession, sports talk barbershop wisdom, and outright comedy.
• Conversations are fast, full of laughter, wisecracks, and self-deprecating honesty.
• Family values, hustle, regret, and pride in humble beginnings define the mood.

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Final Takeaway

This “Best of UNC Stories” episode is a masterclass in old-school storytelling, full of laughter, honesty, and cultural history. Listeners will laugh, reflect, and maybe shed a tear at how family, adversity, and a little chaos creates legends on and off the field. Shannon’s openness about his faults and gratitude makes this a can’t-miss listen for fans of football and real-life wisdom.

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Transcript

[Lele Pons]

Hey, it's your ceiling vent. So I'm dripping. Could be the rain. Could be the upstairs bathroom.

[Shannon Sharp]

Yikes.

[Lele Pons]

You could hire the guy your neighbor recommended, but I'm pretty sure that's just his cousin. Do we know if he's licensed or does he just own a ladder?

[Shannon Sharp]

Listen to your home go with thumbtack. Upload a photo or voice note, and we'll diagnose your project and match you with the right pro for the job. Thumbtack. We know homes hire the right pro today.

[Chelsea Handler]

This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Every week the news gets worse, the world gets crazier, and Yamaneka is here to tell whoever's responsible, you're the problem.

[Yamaneika Saunders]

Do you know I just found out who Sydney Sweeney was. If he got a bunch of women, then I should have a bunch of men do better or do less so I don't have to do so much. I'm Yamanika, and I'm out. Listen to youo're the Problem With Yamanika on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Lele Pons]

My first guest is Paris Hilton. Shakira, Luke and Yerim have surprises, many surprises. Welcome to the Sweet 305 podcast where the group chat comes to life. What up? You're the only person I know that loves a yellow starburst.

It's lemonade.

This is Sweet305. Here, oversharing is encouraged. Listen to Sweet305 with Lele Pons on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcast, wherever you get your podcasts.

[Carrie Brownstein]

Hey, Portlandia fans, Kerry Brownstein and Fred Armisen here.

[Fred Armisen]

The dream of the 90s is alive in podcast forum.

[Carrie Brownstein]

We're launching Podlandia AO Rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together, breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made.

[Fred Armisen]

And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Krisel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more.

[Carrie Brownstein]

Kyle is going for it. Here you fully improvised, not just words, but a song about.

[Shannon Sharp]

Well, I thought you were all going

[Chelsea Handler]

to write a song.

[Carrie Brownstein]

I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia AO rewatch on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Ari Chambers]

What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist Ari Chambers.

[Sam J]

Hey, what's up, y'?

[Joe]

All?

[Sam J]

It's your girl, Sam J.

[Ari Chambers]

And we're the host of Everyone Watches Women's Sports, a new podcast from Together in iheart Women's Sports.

[Sam J]

We're breaking down the biggest headlines.

[Ari Chambers]

Naomi Osaka showing out shout outs to you, Naomi. The viral moments.

[Sam J]

I've been obsessed with Chrisean Rock's boxing journey. She looks good, her combos are swift.

[Ari Chambers]

And the stories everyone's talking about across women's sports.

[Sam J]

Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to everyone watches women's Sports on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcast.

[Shannon Sharp]

Hello, it's your favorite sports thunk here. Don't forget to hit that subscribe button to join the fastest growing community on YouTube. Remember, Nightcap doesn't happen without you, so please subscribe or you're gonna make OO cry. Cuz I think, yeah, I think, I think my first year, I think the tickets were like n. It was like 75.

[Ocho]

What you think tickets cost now? What's. What's the difference?

[Shannon Sharp]

The ticket prices now probably 200, 250 for players tickets. Cuz you still get 2 comp. And then you can buy. And then you can buy.

[Ocho]

Yeah, as you can buy. As you can buy as many as you want. Because it's coming out that goddamn check. And hey.

[Shannon Sharp]

Yeah, It all depends on who you playing. Because there are a lot of times like you playing Kansas City and the Raiders. Nah. Or you playing the Cowboys.

[Ocho]

They up the price.

[Shannon Sharp]

You have to buy, you have to get somebody. Hey, let me get somebody else tickets. Because you know, my tickets were always in the same area. So you know, my mom come and, and you know my girl. So I got, you know, I'mma get like

[Spanky]

right there.

[Shannon Sharp]

You know, when I went out, you know, I ain't had nobody. I ain't want them to sit where my family was sit. So I put them, you know, I put them over there, other side, you over here.

[Ocho]

Okay. You ain't want nobody.

[Lele Pons]

You ain't want.

[Ocho]

You a want nobody see your. Okay, okay, okay.

[Shannon Sharp]

Well, your mama said don't worry about that. Don't worry, don't worry about that. Don't worry about that. Yeah, you not sitting with her, so that's. Hell no. Okay, now everybody can't get that privilege.

[Ocho]

No, you're not the type when you dating somebody. Everybody meet your mama.

[Shannon Sharp]

Hell no.

[Ocho]

Okay, well, you know, that's. That's very important because you know, your mama tell you about your girl, you know, before anybody else. She knows, she can, she can read her.

[Shannon Sharp]

I'm trying to think. Once I met Cookie in college, she met yeah, but it takes a nah there. You ain't just finna meet off the real.

[Ocho]

Meet off the real. Cause your mama gonna tell you the truth, baby. This ain't the one that didn't happen. Yeah, okay. I got you. I got you. Well, you know, hey, because that might.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hey.

[Shannon Sharp]

Oh, Joey. It just might be a. Might be just a convenience store. We just stopping to get some candy.

[Ocho]

Funny thing about it. You heard what you just said. It might just be a convenience store. Your mama lets you know that's the run it's gonna be. She gonna know.

[Shannon Sharp]

I already knew that. I don't need mom to tell me that. I don't. I don't need Bob to tell me that. I knew that.

[Ocho]

My bad. Let me get out. Let me get out your business. My bad.

[Shannon Sharp]

But, you know, hey, but you know, but everybody wanted to go to the game because Broncos been sold out. Broncos got the second longest sellout behind the. The Washington team. So tickets ain't easy to get. Everybody can't get tickets going to the Broncos game. And so, you know, is it still

[Ocho]

like that right now, even?

[Shannon Sharp]

Yeah,

[Ocho]

I know it's like. I know the tickets price is crazy,

[Shannon Sharp]

but the Bronco's been sold out. I mean, the Broncos been sold out since, I don't know, 70, 75, 77, something like that. Been sold out for damn near 50 years.

[Ocho]

God damn. Y' all fans, loyal.

[Shannon Sharp]

Oh, Cookie. Look, everybody, look. I'm sure she told. I'm sure she's told people. Nah, but she would really like the first girlfriend. You know, my mom. My mom met in the game. She get there like, oh, hold on. I said, mama. I said, mama, you gonna be sitting next to my girlfriend.

[Ocho]

Okay, tell us more about Cookie, huh? Story time.

[Joe]

We got plenty time.

[Ocho]

We got two hours to go.

[Shannon Sharp]

Nah, we ain't got no time to tell.

[Ocho]

I know. Hey, yeah, I could tell you like her because every time I say Cookie, he start blushing. I see you. I see you.

[Shannon Sharp]

Okay, I already told. I already told you about cooking. I told you. I watched her for about. I watched it for, like, two weeks. Come in the cafeteria by herself. I mean, she had some girlfriends because I knew a girl. One of her girlfriends was a cheerleader. So I knew her girlfriend for a couple of years. So when she got there, I was a sophomore. I was a junior when she was a freshman. And I watched it go. I watched it come. Go to the cafeteria ourselves. She'd leave, walk back to a dorm. The. The girls dorm, the freshman dorm was Lockett Hall. I watched it because I said, I watched the Ocho. I'd be in the bathroom, I go to the short, short haul, and I'd be looking at the bathroom.

[Ocho]

Okay. Can I tell you something real quick before you finish this sounds like some love and basketball shit.

[Spanky]

Yeah, I like that.

[Shannon Sharp]

I don't know about no love in basketball, but Ocho, I sit, watch it just like this here. Damn. I'm just waiting. I said, I know she got somebody.

[Ocho]

Right, right, right, right, right, right.

[Shannon Sharp]

So you know what? I never forget that day. I was like this Ocho. I said, sh. I'm finna go. I hit that door. Oh, open that red out there. I said, hey, hey, hey. I said, what's your name?

[Ocho]

Okay.

[Shannon Sharp]

She said, my name is. I was gonna call it Cookie, but she said. I said, hey, you got a boyfriend? She said, okay. I say, where you from? She told me she's from Brunswick and,

[Ocho]

you know, she's from Jersey.

[Shannon Sharp]

Okay, Brunswick.

[Ocho]

My bad, my bad, my bad.

[Shannon Sharp]

Okay, Yeah. I said, okay. So we talk. I said, I'll see. I'll see you around. She said, okay. Oh, what? She's like, what's your name? I said, shannon. She said, shannon Sharp. I said, yeah. She like, okay, okay.

[Spanky]

Oh, hey.

[Ocho]

Hey, uncle, you in there?

[Shannon Sharp]

He was in there.

[Ocho]

Cause she already knew who you was. Hey, when she, when you said Shannon, she's like, oh, Shannon Sharp. You already know game.

[Shannon Sharp]

But everybody, hey, everybody. Everybody knows. So you know, I watched it. So next day I see it. I see it at the class, walking in the hallway. I said, hey, how you doing? She said, hey. She smiled, said, okay. But I had told my roommate at the time, I had already told my roommate. I said, that's gonna be my girlfriend. He say, the light skinned chick with the. The short hair.

[Ocho]

I said, yeah, light skin with short hair.

[Shannon Sharp]

Hold on.

[Ocho]

Like the little pixie cut, like with the little curls. Oh, like in the 90s. Oh, tell me some more. Hey, but it's this. Get good.

[Shannon Sharp]

And so I said, you like football? She said, it's okay. I said, you need to come watch me play. She said, okay. She said, what's your number? I said, I ain't telling my number. I said, you. It'll be. I'll be real easy to spot.

[Ocho]

Let's go.

[Shannon Sharp]

Why you talking? Spicy hug. That's what I'm talking about. I said, I'll be really. I said, I'll be real easy to spot. You'll know who I am. Hey. I say, probably the first two to three minutes of the game, there'll be no doubt. Which one I. Which one am I?

[Ocho]

Hey, boy, talk your so bad.

[Shannon Sharp]

And that's how I started, you know, hey. But I. Hey. And everybody knew I was for real about her. Cause at that point in time, Ocho. Hey.

[Joe]

I said,

[Shannon Sharp]

I need you to do me a favor. She said, what you doing? I said, man, they be tripping with them. Them. The washer, the washing machine, the dryer. I said, people stealing your clothes to be taking stuff out. I said, can you watch. Can you take my clothes to the laundromat? She said, okay, sure. She said, but I don't have no car. I said, you. I said,

[Ocho]

hey, right? Hey, that's how you go fishing right there, huh? You hear me?

[Fred Armisen]

Huh?

[Ocho]

Hey, wash my clothes for me. People be stealing it. You threw. You threw the bait out there and she. And she bit quick. You read that thing right on there.

[Chelsea Handler]

What?

[Ocho]

I know that game. I used to use that line too.

[Shannon Sharp]

Yeah, man.

[Yamaneika Saunders]

So.

[Spanky]

So.

[Shannon Sharp]

So I gave the keys to my. I gave her the keys to the car and. Ain't a man. Oo, how we scratching? And all of a sudden, my car now I got a 200, I got a. A 300 VX T tops. How about, how she gonna come where by football practice with the windows down, the top out and blow the horn?

[Ocho]

Hey, let me tell you what that's called. Let me tell you what that's called. You know, when you walk the dog, right? You know, you walk the dog. What's the first thing the dog do? They. They go, they find their territory. Territory. She letting the boy know she barged it. Boom. Y' all stop trying to holler at me. You see why I'm matting the T top with a piece of.

[Jake Brennan]

I know.

[Ocho]

She probably had on some shades too, you know. Okay.

[Shannon Sharp]

Okay.

[Ocho]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

And a girlfriend.

[Ocho]

What you think about rekindling that flame, though?

[Shannon Sharp]

Nah, bro.

[Ocho]

You don't think so?

[Shannon Sharp]

Nah.

[Ocho]

But listen, the story is so good, but I.

[Shannon Sharp]

Hey, oh, I was. Look here. But after the game, Ocho, we go out to eat, we go to Ryan's, we go to movies, you know, my bro, hey, I was, hey, my brother give me, like, if you. Hey, you score a touchdown, I give you 200. You get a hundred yards a game, I give you 200, blah, blah, blah. So I. Hey, I have 200 yards, three touchdowns, four touchdowns, man, I be straight. So, you know, hey, I'm going off campus. You know, we go to. We go out to eat, we go, hey, I'm. I'm at Applebee's. I bet. I bet Chili's I bet. Hey, I'm Ryan. I'm everywhere. Can't hear you. Gotta go to the hotel, you know, got hotel. I'm saying, you know, you was at the hotel too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ocho]

Hey, well, I like this story. What?

[Shannon Sharp]

Yeah, you know. Yeah, my mom. My mom. You look my sister. But the thing was, don't. Yo. I didn't really. It didn't really dawn on me. It didn't dawn on me. My nephew had got sick. So he was in August at the hospital in Augusta. And my sister's like, I gotta go to the hospital. I gotta take Dietrich to the hospital. That's my nephew name. So this was like, probably was like, probably like March or April, because at this time Libby had met her. No, Libby had. I don't think living met her. But anyway, so I go, I drive, I say, well, look, I gotta go to my. I gotta go to my. Go to the hospital. My nephew's in the hospital. She's like, I'll go with you. I'm like, you sure? So my brother, My brother was gonna meet. He gonna meet me up there. So I met, we went, I met in Augusta. And I remember going. I asked the lady at the desk, I say, sharp, what room is Sharp in? So they tell me, you know, I had stopped and got some flowers and stuff like that. And so I walk in the room, you know, hey, little bro. I said, hey, big sis. Hey, how you doing? She's like, I'm. I'm. I'm Libby. I'm Shannon's big sister. She said, hey, how you doing? She introduced herself and we went to get something and she said, she said, well, y' all can go. And I'll. I'll stay, I'll stay right here. I'll stay in the room with your, with your nephew. Shannon. I was like, okay, so we go, we walking out the hallway, you in Libby and Libby, Libby.

[Ocho]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

Libby, yeah. Spanky. I live in, I live in the middle. I'm on one side, Spanky and the other. And Libby elbowed me. Shannon. I said, what? You know what I see? What? She look at Spanky. Spanky, she. She stop at the hallway, four.

[Fred Armisen]

Uh huh. Uh huh.

[Shannon Sharp]

She say, spanky, who that girl look like?

[Ocho]

Who she look like?

[Shannon Sharp]

My brother's girlfriend.

[Ocho]

Oh, they look alike.

[Shannon Sharp]

They could be sisters. I'm talking about everything. The way they were shaped, the way they would. The way that. The haircut, the complexion, her teeth.

[Ocho]

Everything.

[Shannon Sharp]

Everything. The way she walked. Everything was a spin.

[Ocho]

Now don't Tell me. They were twins.

[Shannon Sharp]

Now, they. They could have been doppelgangers if. If I didn't tell you. If they stood side by side, you couldn't tell they weren't sisters.

[Ocho]

I like this. This is a good story. Listen, ain't nothing like a supportive woman, especially when you meet him that early. She didn't.

[Lele Pons]

Yeah.

[Ocho]

Hey, hold on. She didn't want to wash her clothes. She didn't. Went with you to the hospital, huh? She done checked two boxes already. Now, this.

[Sam J]

Me.

[Ocho]

This is sounding like someone that I was.

[Shannon Sharp]

I was young, Ocho.

[Ocho]

This sound like somebody you can spend a lifetime with and it's never too late.

[Shannon Sharp]

You can find her, Ocho. I. I was. I was. I was. I was too young. I was too immature. And a lot of you. Look, a lot of times, like in that situation, you have to understand. And what she didn't understand is that all her girlfriends telling her, you don't need to be with him. And I told her, I said, all your girlfriends. That's telling you you don't need to be with me. I guarantee you they would switch places with you. Hey, boy, I say, now you gonna let your girlfriends talk you out of the relationship?

[Ocho]

Stop playing that. You know, misery loves company. Misery love company.

[Shannon Sharp]

But, yeah, I was. I was. I was just like, at that point in time, I was still so focused and. But I still. You know, I would. You know, I would drive down. I would drive to see her. I would drive in the middle of the night, come back because I didn't believe. I didn't. I didn't believe in that. I didn't believe in that. Mary Porter wasn't gonna let me. You know, they's like, you could. You could spend the night here. I was like, oh, no. Oh, absolutely. Oh. Oh, man. Gonna play that. Because I was. She gonna say, well, baby, where you stay at last night? Oh, I stayed. No, no, no, no, no.

[Ocho]

Hey, you cooking right now. Listen, it's never too late. So back then, you was in.

[Shannon Sharp]

It is too late. It'd be too late. Ocho, that's 30 plus years.

[Ocho]

Hey, it ain't never too late. We got to find Cookie. What?

[Shannon Sharp]

We got to find no Cookie.

[Spanky]

Fine.

[Ocho]

Cookie. I know you gonna see this, honey.

[Shannon Sharp]

Let's rekindle that flame, man. Look, you.

[Lele Pons]

Do.

[Spanky]

You.

[Shannon Sharp]

Do you know how many people. How many people gonna call her? Oh, yeah, I guarantee you she'll call my homeboy tomorrow.

[Ocho]

Cookie. Come on, come on, come on, now. Let's get his name back, right? Because we got. We gotta. We got a A double decker wedding coming up in 2020.

[Shannon Sharp]

No, we ain't got no double decker wedding. We already got.

[Spanky]

Hey.

[Shannon Sharp]

Oh, Shay. Shay already got. Shay already got something.

[Ocho]

Oh, you got something that works cooking?

[Shannon Sharp]

Yeah.

[Ocho]

I mean, are they. Do they. Do you like Cookie? Because I like the story with Cookie. Are they supportive like Cookie?

[Spanky]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

Yeah. Hey, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Ocho]

Wash your clothes, though.

[Shannon Sharp]

I got. I got people to come over and wash my clothes and see what happen.

[Ocho]

When you get money. See y', all, you know, you don't

[Shannon Sharp]

change or the dry cleaners.

[Ocho]

Oh, you got money? Money. You take yourself to the dry cleaners.

[Shannon Sharp]

Oh, hell no.

[Ocho]

Wait, you got. Absolutely not.

[Shannon Sharp]

I bought a house. To me, it was over budget, Joe, you know what I'm saying? My people told me, say, shannon, you can spend 425,000. I said, I got you 425. I give him a big old high for 425. First house the lady showed me was 625. I said, why you show me this house? You know, I can't afford this. Let's go somewhere else. But I said, before we go somewhere else, let me look around. You know what I said? I said, joe, Ocho. I said, before we go. Since we here now, I might as well look around. I put my hands in my pocket. I walk in there.

[Ocho]

Yeah. Hey, that's the game they play.

[Joe]

Oh, man.

[Shannon Sharp]

Big old shower. I ain't never seen no walk in shower.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

I mean, our towers were the same place my jeans were. You know, I could go get a pair of jeans and get a towel. So you know what I'm saying? I ain't never seen no linen closet. Linen.

[Jake Brennan]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

So I was like, yeah. I walk down, she opened the door, I go down, I said, there's a basement. I said. I said, what is that? At the time, I ain't know what it was. I said, what is this called? She say, it's a basement and it's finished.

[Fred Armisen]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

I'm walking down there carpeted,

[Spanky]

3,000 square foot.

[Shannon Sharp]

Oh. I said, damn. I could just imagine what I could be doing in here. You hear me?

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

A lot of trampoline action. You know what I'm saying, Ocho? Trampoline. Your boy, Your boy was young. I was 24, 25. Now I think it trampoline. Okay. I said, okay, this is a little bit out of my budget. Let me see the other houses. You know what I said, Joe. Oh, Joe. I said, let me see the.

[Joe]

Hey, that 425 ain't gonna hit Nothing like that.

[Shannon Sharp]

Okay. She said, well, okay, Mr. Sharp. This is like, this is like 4:35 to 4:50. She saw, she. I saw those houses. I walked, they had my handle pocket just like this right here. But I don't want this. I go to the other with Joe Ocho, same thing, hands in my pocket. I look around, I said, let's go back and look at the other house one more time. Let's look at the other house. The first house you showed me. That first one you showed me. She said, are you sure, Mr. Sharp? Cause they told me the budget.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

I go back there, I started, started thinking. I said, I'm right here in the heart of Buckhead, man.

[Joe]

I'm right there.

[Shannon Sharp]

I could walk to Phil's Plaza. I could walk to Lennox Mall.

[Ocho]

Yes sir.

[Shannon Sharp]

Yeah, I could walk to the movie theaters. That's in Phil's Plaza. Cause back then, Joe, I don't know if you remember or when you got there, they used to have a movie theater in Lennox Mall. Yeah, till old boy got shot. A dude got shot there. But it was. You didn't want to go there. I'll tell you about that later, Joe. But anyway, yeah, I say, I was thinking about it. I remember she dropped me back out, cuz at the time she dropped me back at the hotel.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

She said, what you think, Mr. Shark? I said, I think I'm about to be over budget. I said, I think I'm about to be over budget.

[Joe]

Hey, that's how they got me. Well, that's how they get.

[Shannon Sharp]

You know who I bought the high from? Sugar Ray Leonard's ex wife, Juanita.

[Joe]

Well, they got you. Hey, they got you just how they got me.

[Ocho]

How they got you, Joe.

[Joe]

Oh, Joe. I'm out here, supposed to be looking for me a nice little townhouse. I just come from Phoenix.

[Ocho]

Yes, sir.

[Joe]

I head to Atlanta. Okay, man, you know Sharif Abdul Rahim, he just built this house out here in Sandy Springs.

[Ocho]

Yes sir.

[Joe]

He ain't been living in, in six months. I said, oh well, we can go by there and check it out. We come by here. Oo, I'm still in the house of this thing. We come. Oh, we come by here. They got the chef in there. He got everything whipped up right, man, I'm supposed to be looking at a townhouse, this 14,000 square feet.

[Shannon Sharp]

I'm like, oh look, you ain't going

[Joe]

to take me go look at no

[Shannon Sharp]

townhouse after I saw this. I don't know why you, why not start with the 425s first, right? Why you start with this and think I'm about to go to that?

[Ocho]

Hold on, time out, time out, time out, time out. Let's slow down a little bit, cuz Joe just threw that out there like I, like we me in the chat a hear him just say 14,000.

[Shannon Sharp]

I'm just keeping it 114,000 square feet.

[Ocho]

Boy, boy, you in Buckingham Palace. What?

[Shannon Sharp]

Ojo.

[Joe]

Oo, oo, listen, look, boy, I had to have a long talk with my mama about this.

[Chelsea Handler]

I.

[Joe]

A townhouse. I ain't gonna go to no townhouse after, see.

[Ocho]

Hey, Joe, Hey Joe, I got to, I got to come out there and holl at you, boy.

[Joe]

Now you got come see me, come see me.

[Ocho]

Hey, you, like you say, your property. That's a property. That ain't no house.

[Spanky]

Here you go.

[Shannon Sharp]

Hey, Ojo, it ain't just a house. I, I got three kids, all of them under the age of three.

[Joe]

Ooh.

[Shannon Sharp]

I was like, man, how I'm gonna make this work? I was like, ooh. I said, man, boy, oh, I. I swear for God and two white men. I was eating ketchup with a knit needle. Man, look here, I ain't never, man, I ain't never ate so much tuna, oatmeal and eggs in my life, man. I went to Sam's, I was buying like seven, eight dozen, like 20 dozen eggs at a time. I was getting cake, I was getting pallets of tuna. That's all I could eat. I could pay for that. I got to pay for the house. I gotta pay child support. That's all I had.

[Ocho]

Hey, hey, listen, you gotta make, you gotta sacrifice, huh? You wanted that house. Listen, I understand your pain. I've been there before. Maybe not, maybe not to that extent, but listen, we've all had the sacrifice. Something.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Ocho]

Or something else that we like and we love or we, we appreciate at that, at that time, knowing it's out of our budget.

[Shannon Sharp]

Hey, knowing good.

[Ocho]

Well, because we know it's coming.

[Shannon Sharp]

I ain't had no tape, nothing to eat up. I didn't. I had a couch and I had a bed. That's all I had for.

[Joe]

Hey, hey, hey, look, hey, hey. That had you working hard.

[Shannon Sharp]

As long as I had a king size bed, I had a king size bed. What's that? You remember the furniture store, Huffs Joe? Right there on Ladies Road by that church. It used to be a glass, it was a big glass building right there. But the furniture, that's where all, all the high end black entertainer celebs they used to go get their furniture from there.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You probably spent.

[Shannon Sharp]

Why I do that? But, you know, I had to get like. Oh, oh, Joe. Oh, Joe. I had a bed. But, you know, my bed was black lacquer. Black lacquer. And it light up like. Like a infinity. Like infinity. And hold on.

[Ocho]

You had LED lights.

[Shannon Sharp]

Yeah, before it was cool. Before it was. Before it was in style. Right, right. And let me tell you what I did. Let me tell you what I had. Ocho. I splurged a little bit. I went all in, out. Woo. Like I said, I was eating ketchup with a knit needle.

[Ocho]

Come on, take your time.

[Shannon Sharp]

And I had me a leather comforter custom made for the bed.

[Joe]

Oh, boy.

[Shannon Sharp]

You cut up leather. Leather comforter, custom for the bed?

[Ocho]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Oh, yeah, you could.

[Shannon Sharp]

Then I did a car signing. You know, I did a car if, you know, back then you saw a kind of signed cars, they gave your boy a little money. I signed like 2000. Car got me about 12, 5.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Shannon Sharp]

Bought me some satin sheets.

[Joe]

Sateen.

[Shannon Sharp]

Hey, how about this here, man? You know, I see them in the movies how they run jump in the bed. How I go jump in the bed always. Cause the floor to the other side, on the floor I went. I said, oh, man, this stuff look good. This ain't functional.

[Joe]

Hey, hey, hold up. But why you talking, though, Uncle Ocho? Y' all still don't do car signings?

[Shannon Sharp]

Oh, yeah, I do, I do. I do every. Every Blue Moon, Joe. Cause back then, you know, my brother would take me like they want my brother. He had just. But in the beginning, they wanted my brother because he had, you know, won the Triple crown. He was a all pro first, you know, hunter catch season, back to back, hunter catch season. So they wanted him. And the only way he would go do the signing, they had to take me. So they throw you for 2500. 5000.

[Ocho]

Right, right.

[Shannon Sharp]

I mean, one time I signed 10,000 cards. Damn. In one sin, they gave you three months.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Ocho]

Oh. To get through it. Okay, okay.

[Shannon Sharp]

But I was. I had a couch. I had a couch. I had no tv, but I had a bed. The bed was nice. I'm just saying the bed was nice. The bed was nice.

[Joe]

Yeah. Hey, I'm still doing car signings to this day.

[Shannon Sharp]

Boy, the way they.

[Ocho]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I still. I still sign a lot.

[American Express Announcer]

Boy.

[Shannon Sharp]

Boy, hey, I look back, I look back, I think about sometime now, I just be laying. I was like, damn, this thing could have went sideways in a hurry.

[Ocho]

Oh, yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

I ain't have no choice.

[Carrie Brownstein]

You.

[Shannon Sharp]

Oh, you were shooting up. Yeah, I was shooting up. I got three kids, they in daycare, and I got. I still got to take care of granny. I still got to take care of living mom every once in a while, plus the kid. That's my number one responsibility. So if I gotta do without, I'm cool. People say, man, I could train myself. I'll go a couple of days without eating. Head be killing.

[Joe]

Killing you.

[Shannon Sharp]

You so hungry. But I said, nah, I got. I gotta put myself in a situation because if I ever have to not be able to eat, I'm gonna be good with.

[Ocho]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

Hey, hey.

[Joe]

It's a lot of people, ain't they? They ain't gonna be to understand what you're saying, bro.

[Ocho]

No, no, no, no, Joe.

[Joe]

It's a lot of us. It's a lot of us who'd have

[Shannon Sharp]

been there and done that.

[Ocho]

Hey, hey, Joe. The funny thing about it is, is the people. The people aren't gonna understand because they vote. They've only seen the finished product. They've only seen the fittest part. They only seen you on Sundays. They don't understand the walk you took and the path you took to get

[American Express Announcer]

to where you are.

[Ocho]

They don't understand the sacrifices that came along that goddamn journey before you got to.

[Shannon Sharp]

Yes.

[Ocho]

What you see on Sundays, they'll never get it. They'll never get it.

[Shannon Sharp]

When I called the phrase to me, I wore summer clothes. I told him. And when I went to college, I said, man, I wore summer clothes. Man looked at me and said, what you mean, summer clothes? Some of my brothers, some of my uncles, some of my cousins, hey, they just passed that thing on down.

[Ocho]

Oh, yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

Hey, I'm like, they so smacking wear this. Last year, I got the.

[Joe]

Man, listen.

[Shannon Sharp]

And when you. When it got too small for me, that's the jeans they cut up. And you know, back then, you know, you on your. You're on your knees. You put holes in your knees, in your jeans. My grandma was. That had gotten too small for me, man, all that stitching. Come on, Granny.

[Joe]

This one. You was in college?

[Shannon Sharp]

I was in. Coming up in school. I was coming up.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

But no, when I was in college, you know, look, I went to college. I had matching luggage. I had two Piggly Wiggly bags with everything I own inside of them. Imagine, luggage. Ocho Piggly Wiggly. No, it might have been Win Decks at the time. They changed the name, but I had two brown bags. You don't believe it, ask Pastor. I went to College. Class of 86. That's what we call ourselves. 86. Ask them how I showed up. 2 Winn Dixie Brown brown grocery bags. I had everything I owned in those bags.

[Lele Pons]

If the world were like a sleep number mattress, everything would adapt for your comfort. Your coffee would never get cold, your flight would always be on time, and your mattress would always respond to you and your unique sleep needs. Sleep number mattresses are designed to respond to your body and shift with your changing life, helping you fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer. To experience a whole new world of comfort, visit a sleep number store or go to sleepnumber.com sleep number to a good life Sleep.

[Ari Chambers]

What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist Ari Chambers.

[Sam J]

Hey, what's up, y'?

[Chelsea Handler]

All?

[Sam J]

It's your girl, Sam J.

[Ari Chambers]

And we're the hosts of Everyone Watches Women's Sports, a new podcast from Together. And I heart women's sports because, let's

[Sam J]

be real, women's sports is giving us way too much to talk about these days.

[Ari Chambers]

So Kelsey Finler, she became the first female solo rower to go from California to Hawaii.

[Sam J]

My first thought is, like, what's up with the snacks? Like, what are we eating?

[Ari Chambers]

The highlights, the rivalries, the breakout stars, the moments that take over your entire

[Sam J]

timeline, and the conversations that start during the game and. And somehow keep going all week. Every week, we're breaking down the biggest stories across women's sports.

[Ari Chambers]

Naomi Osaka showing out. She beat Sabalenka.

[Sam J]

Shout outs to you, Naomi, you get the palm.

[Ari Chambers]

Naomi, you get the palm for that.

[Sam J]

Because we're not just interested in what happened. We're interested in why everyone's talking about it. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to everyone watches women's Sports on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Fred Armisen]

Hey, Portlandia fans.

[Carrie Brownstein]

Kerry Brownstein and Fred Armisen here, you

[Fred Armisen]

know us, or rather, you know them. Tony and Candace, Nina and Lance. Spike and yes, the chicken.

[Carrie Brownstein]

We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia. AO rewatch our brand new podcast.

[Fred Armisen]

Each week, we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning, breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters, revisiting the Portland locations you know and love and. And opening up about our creative process.

[Carrie Brownstein]

How did any of this get made? Why do we think that was a good idea? We're ready to talk about it.

[Fred Armisen]

And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Krisel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more.

[Carrie Brownstein]

Kyle is going for it. Here you fully improvised, not just words, but a song about.

[Shannon Sharp]

Well, I thought he was gonna write.

[Spanky]

I thought you were all gonna write a song.

[Carrie Brownstein]

I remember you thinking that.

[Fred Armisen]

Listen to Podlandia Ayo rewatch on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Lele Pons]

My first guest is Paris Hilton, Shakira, Luke and Yerin Samira e. Gracie. I'm so excited.

[Shannon Sharp]

On a bouncy bed, you have surprises, many surprises.

[Lele Pons]

Welcome to suite 305, where the group chat comes to life.

What up?

You're the only person I know that loves a yellow starburst.

It's lemonade.

This is suite 305. Listen to suite 305 with Lele Pons as part of my cultura podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Jake Brennan]

I'm Jake Brennan, and on my podcast Disgraceland, I tell the stories behind music's biggest names. The moments that shaped them, haunted them, and changed music history forever. Like how the story of the Foo Fighters and Dave Grohl isn't just about music. Imagine that you're in the biggest band on the planet, as Dave Grohl was in 1994 in Nirvana, and the phone rings and you learn that your singer, your friend, the reluctant voice of a generation, Kurt Cobain is dead. This is a story of fame, pressure, friendship, and the weight of fulfilling your destiny. Learn more about the moment everything changed. Disgraceland is part of the Exactly Right network. Listen to new episodes every Tuesday, bonus episodes Thursday, and rewinds on Sunday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Joe]

Right. Right. Hey. Hey, tell me something. Did you raise your kids like that?

[Shannon Sharp]

You know what I mean?

[Joe]

You had times. You may yell at them, but I'm like, I'm gonna be honest with you. I. I ain't, you know, ain't none of my kids had their ass.

[Shannon Sharp]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Joe]

But.

[Shannon Sharp]

But just.

[Joe]

But just by me raising my voice, that'd be enough for some tears to come down.

[Shannon Sharp]

Yes.

[Joe]

You feel what I'm saying? Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

Went to the movies. Me and my girl, we going to see one movie. They going to see another movie. What you want? You know how kids are. Everybody. Big slushy on popcorn on can.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

I said, okay. The movie, they're gonna be close in time. I said, don't get y'.

[Jake Brennan]

All.

[Shannon Sharp]

Don't y' all leave this movie. Y' all let me come back in here and get you.

[Joe]

Okay, Daddy.

[Shannon Sharp]

Okay. Our movies in. I think I was ending. Mike might have been like, probably like two or three minutes after theirs. I'm go. I'm gonna go get them because I was down the hallway at fifth. Joe the move. We down the hall on the left. They like, in the front. I see him looking. I. I hear him. I see him. I see him, and I hear him talking. I think they went to see this movie right here. I said, where y' all going? I didn't want it. Was he.

[Ocho]

He.

[Shannon Sharp]

I didn't want to leave the book. Don't worry about it. I got something for you when you get home. So we got home, everybody tried to put it on everybody. I said, why you just didn't stay? Well, I didn't want to. I said, I appreciate that. I appreciate y' all sticking together, but you should have stuck your ass together in the movie where I told you to be. Yeah, I told the ass up. Now. I said, now, listen, I'm going to work out. Don't y' all leave. Don't y' all lead these rooms. I say, if the house on fire and the fireman come get you, say, hell no. Get out. Shove their ass out the house. Say, my daddy said, don't leave this room. Hey, that's a good one.

[Lele Pons]

Bad.

[Shannon Sharp]

Please. Cause you don't. You don't know. You don't. I look, listen, with the kids. Look, I'm very particular. And I don't want nobody because I don't want to have to hurt somebody, but behind my kids, because I will. Yeah, but from. And this was really the first time they've ever done this. I used to take the kids to the mall, and white people would ask me, how do you get them to do that? I'm like, I thought they was doing tricks or turning backflips or something. I said, do what, ma'? Am? She was like, they're so well mannered. They're not running off in front of you. They're not yelling and screaming. Oh, you must have got me confused with you. I don't play that. You should tell him the story about that time that woman held that pistol to your head. Hell, when I was.

[Joe]

Well, she had a pistol. Who head?

[Fred Armisen]

Huh?

[Shannon Sharp]

There you go, Ocho. Man, why you telling our business?

[Ocho]

Oh, Joe, my bad, my bad.

[Shannon Sharp]

He could wait to tell uncle

[American Express Announcer]

she

[Shannon Sharp]

was having a bad day. She didn't mean that.

[Ocho]

Ain't no, there's some.

[Joe]

There's somebody you knew, though. Yeah.

[Ocho]

Yeah. Ain't no day bad enough for that there.

[Shannon Sharp]

Yeah, man, she was having a bad day, Joe.

[Joe]

A girl? Somebody you were dating?

[Shannon Sharp]

Yeah, I was. You know, we was. You know, we were kicking it.

[Joe]

You said she was having a bad day?

[Shannon Sharp]

Yeah, she had a bad day, man. And.

[Ocho]

Yeah, I don't know what kind of baby. I don't know what kind of day it is.

[Shannon Sharp]

And I still. I still. Even when she called me a decade later and I picked up the phone and she, like. She said, I'm sorry. It was my bad. And I was like, who is this? She said, you know who it is. And I was like.

[Joe]

I said, I don't.

[Shannon Sharp]

I said, to this day, I still don't know what I did. She said, you didn't do anything.

[Joe]

Wow.

[Shannon Sharp]

I was having a bad day, and you weren't serious. You were just playing, so.

[Joe]

Oh, you had.

[Shannon Sharp]

You want to thank Joe. She went up under there, got that. Got that.45. Put that thing to my head to say, hey, say n word. I will let you get your stuff and you get to. You get to h up out of my house. And don't you ever call me again.

[Joe]

You were. You were laying the best pipe down in the rear house again.

[Shannon Sharp]

Hey, Joe. Joe. Now you talk about. Oh, my goodness. You talking about bad. Oh, boy, she was stacked like dirty laundry in the dorm room.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

Yes, Lord. Finding them frog hair.

[Ocho]

Why. Why you wouldn't do right?

[Shannon Sharp]

Hey, she was about five foot nine and a half. She weighed about 165. I'm talking about solid. I'm talking about ain't no. No fat, no imperfections.

[Ocho]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

Not a dimple, not a crease, not a roll, not nothing.

[Ocho]

Yes, sir.

[Shannon Sharp]

I'm talking about. I'm talking about flawless.

[Ocho]

Why you think of.

[Shannon Sharp]

Hey, think of it.

[Joe]

A liquor store pickle.

[Yamaneika Saunders]

What?

[Shannon Sharp]

Joe already know it, boy. What.

[Ocho]

What you did wrong, huh?

[Shannon Sharp]

Hotter than four foxes in the forest fire. You know what I did wrong and what I didn't do right. Man, she. Man, look, and we had so much fun. We cracked jokes. I mean, she was amaz.

[Joe]

Thing.

[Shannon Sharp]

I just wouldn't do right. Man, I ain't gonna lie to you. I wouldn't do right.

[Ocho]

Sound like. Sound like she was the one, huh?

[Shannon Sharp]

I ain't gonna do. I wouldn't do right. I ain't gonna do. I. I ain't been the whole. Y'. All. It was me. I would not do right back then. I would not.

[Ocho]

You, young man, you Young.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

It wasn't time sticking and moving. But I. But I knew. But I. But I knew. I. It was on me. I. Cuz, I. Man, I. I was. I was. I was flawed. I was. I was incredibly flawed.

[Ocho]

Yeah, we all are.

[Shannon Sharp]

Cause, you know, I. I try to pull something sneaky. I was really sneaky.

[Ocho]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

So I was at. I was at my home. I was at. So I was holed up in somebody else. Creole.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh,

[Shannon Sharp]

man, I ain't never told this story.

[Joe]

And she found.

[Ocho]

Wait, wait, wait. Let me get comfortable. Now. Take your time. Take your time.

[Shannon Sharp]

I got to go and get me another drink.

[Joe]

Oh, man.

[Ocho]

Go ahead. Take your time. I'm ready. Right. This sounds like a good one, too, boy. Hey, get comfortable, Joe.

[Shannon Sharp]

Oh, I got you. So I was on one of my. I was on one of my bull jack tips.

[Ocho]

Yes, sir.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes, sir.

[Shannon Sharp]

So I say, hey, hey, hey, check this out. My partner, she was. She was in the Air Force. She was in the Air Force for, like, probably like. I think she retired, like, 35 years. But I was in there. But I was. I was like, look, I got somebody coming in town I need to hold up. At your place?

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

She said, cool. She said, that's perfect because I'm gonna

[Joe]

be out of town.

[Shannon Sharp]

I wasn't even thinking. What do you think? I said, ain't nobody know, but I had done one time before, took this other person over there. Ah, it ain't even dawned on me. This was. This was six months, seven months prior.

[Joe]

Okay?

[Shannon Sharp]

I ain't thinking nothing. I ain't thinking. So I'm down there, laid down like this here, you know, I'm on the couch. I hear the door open. I'm thinking, it's a brother. I ain't think nothing about it. I'm down in the basement.

[Joe]

Yeah. Eyes got biggers. I don't know what.

[Chelsea Handler]

What.

[Ocho]

Hold on. Why she even came over there anyway?

[Shannon Sharp]

Because she was calling me, and I didn't answer.

[Spanky]

Oh,

[Shannon Sharp]

she figured. She. Oh, she deduced I could only be a few.

[Ocho]

A few different places.

[Shannon Sharp]

That's it, man. She came down them steps.

[Ocho]

You had the girl over there with you?

[Joe]

Yes.

[Yamaneika Saunders]

Oh,

[Joe]

Hey, what happened? What'd she say? What'd she do when she see y' all out of.

[Shannon Sharp]

She say, let me get a swig of this, Joe.

[Joe]

All right.

[Yamaneika Saunders]

Damn.

[Ari Chambers]

Huh?

[Ocho]

Did you cry?

[Yamaneika Saunders]

Nah.

[Ocho]

You gotta learn how to cry on cue.

[Ari Chambers]

Huh?

[Ocho]

You gotta learn how to cry on cue. I'm teach you that. That's a little. Little trick I got in my bag.

[Shannon Sharp]

She just say, come get your ish. Don't talk to me no more.

[Ocho]

That's it.

[Shannon Sharp]

That's it.

[Ocho]

Did you go get it?

[Shannon Sharp]

I did. What you want me to do? Ocho, you got a bag? Get my ish.

[Ocho]

You got a bag, huh?

[Shannon Sharp]

Nah, man. Nah.

[Ocho]

You gotta beg.

[Shannon Sharp]

I think that was. That was the start. That was the start of it. That was kind of the start. Cause she's like the star.

[Ocho]

That's the end.

[Shannon Sharp]

Boy, if you got somebody else with a girl. Cause this was the one that pulled to pull the pistol on me.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

So she's like, oh, you ain't. You ain't being up and up. You ain't. You ain't being real, right? Cause I was. You know, she hadn't been to Denver like, two or three times, okay? But I was. I wasn't. I wasn't committed to old girl. I was just like, hey, you know, we see that, we kick it. Boom, boom, boom, whatever, whatever.

[Ocho]

Right, right, right.

[Shannon Sharp]

So, you know. But this one. Yes, sir. I think in my lifetime, I think from the time I started dating until I was about 16, until I think they've been about 5. 5 that were like the total package. I'm talking about the total power. I'm talking about had it all.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

Okay. They gotta look. They. They got a presence because they walk into a room. Oh, you looking?

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Ocho]

Oh, yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

Oh, yeah, You.

[Fred Armisen]

You.

[Shannon Sharp]

Hey, you. They walk into a room.

[Ocho]

Yeah. Every head looking, every head turn, huh?

[Shannon Sharp]

Everybody. I don't give a damn if they married. I don't give a damn if they gay.

[Spanky]

They.

[Shannon Sharp]

That's a bad mo fo.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Spanky]

And they.

[Shannon Sharp]

They step like paladins. Hey, you know the horse I be, man. I messed it up. Oo.

[Ocho]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

I messed it up. I ain't gonna lie there. There's three. There's three for sure. I know I. I messed up. I f. I effed up. I supposed to been married probably about 25, 30 years ago for. For real. For 1,000. That was supposed to be.

[Ocho]

Yeah, but listen.

[Shannon Sharp]

But I wouldn't do right. Oo. I wouldn't, because I. I was quick. Any questions? I'm out.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Carrie Brownstein]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

Where you being? I'm done.

[American Express Announcer]

Yeah.

[Fred Armisen]

Hey, you.

[Jake Brennan]

You.

[Ocho]

You don't like that, huh?

[American Express Announcer]

No.

[Ocho]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

One person could ask me what I've been doing, where I've been, and they got a response immediately. That was Mary Porter. She was the only one you. I'm out. I'm done.

[Ocho]

You ain't got time for that.

[Shannon Sharp]

That's. That started it. And I made Peace with her. Once she called me back after the decade. She apologized. We good.

[Joe]

It's hard. Hey, it's hard to deal with them obligations, ain't it?

[Shannon Sharp]

Yeah.

[Joe]

You can do, like. You can do something for a long time, but once you feel like you obligated to do it, it make you really don't want to do it no more.

[Ocho]

Ain't nothing worse than being questioned, Joe.

[Joe]

Man, what are you telling?

[Ocho]

Ain't nothing worse than being questioned.

[Shannon Sharp]

I hate it. I hate it.

[Joe]

Especially if you ain't been doing it.

[Shannon Sharp]

We were a kid. Where y' all going? How long y' all gonna be gone? I remember my grandmother, that was like, man, right. I used to be saying as a kid, man, I can't wait to get grown. I ain't gonna have to answer nobody.

[Ocho]

Nobody.

[Shannon Sharp]

That was my thing on you. I want to get grown. I ain't realized all the responsibilities that come along with me.

[Carrie Brownstein]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

I just think I ain't gonna have to answer to nobody.

[Fred Armisen]

Right.

[Ari Chambers]

Hey.

[Ocho]

Oh, you know what? You should have played. For what? You got yourself in trouble.

[Shannon Sharp]

Yeah, you should.

[Ocho]

You should have played that King George.

[Shannon Sharp]

What King George?

[Ocho]

King George, the song Too Long, you know. You know about that? I saw. Joe. You know about that joke?

[Joe]

No. Maybe if I hear it. I don't know. I don't know right off that.

[Ocho]

Hey, Joe. Joe, you get yourself in trouble, man. You want to.

[Carrie Brownstein]

You.

[Ocho]

You need a little wiggle room to get out of.

[Joe]

I ain't getting no trouble. O. Joe.

[Ocho]

I feel you, Joe. I feel you, Joe. Hey, listen to that King George. The song is called Too Long.

[Joe]

I'm gonna check it out, though. I'm gonna check it out.

[Ocho]

Hey, you gonna like. Hey, Chad. Y' all listen to that thing now.

[Shannon Sharp]

Sometimes Ocho and Joe, you know, you get blinded by beauty.

[Ocho]

Come on now.

[Joe]

I already know it, boy.

[Shannon Sharp]

Yeah, yeah. I'm just old country boy from South Georgia, man.

[Ocho]

That's it.

[Shannon Sharp]

Ain't been a whole lot of places growing up.

[Ocho]

Come on, now. Mmm.

[American Express Announcer]

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[Ari Chambers]

What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist Ari Chambers.

[Sam J]

Hey, what's up, y'?

[Carrie Brownstein]

All?

[Sam J]

It's your girl, Sam J.

[Ari Chambers]

And we're the host of Everyone Watches Women's Sports, a new podcast from Together. And I heart women's sports because, let's

[Sam J]

be real, women's sports is giving us way too much to talk about these days.

[Ari Chambers]

So Kelsey Findler, she became the first female solo rower to go from California to Hawaii.

[Sam J]

My first thought is, like, what's up with the snacks? Like, what are we eating?

[Ari Chambers]

The highlights, the rivalries, the breakout stars, the moments that take over your entire

[Sam J]

timeline and the conversations that start during the game and somehow keep going all week. Every week, we're breaking down the biggest stories across women's sports.

[Ari Chambers]

Naomi Osaka showing out. She beat Sabalenka.

[Sam J]

Shout out to you, Naomi, you get the palm.

[Ari Chambers]

Naomi, you get the palm for that.

[Sam J]

Because we're not just interested in what happened. We're interested in why everyone's talking about it. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to Everyone watches women's Sports on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Fred Armisen]

Hey, Portlandia fans.

[Carrie Brownstein]

Kerry Brownstein and Fred Armisen here, you

[Fred Armisen]

know us, or rather, you know them. Tony and Candace, Nina and Lance, Spike and yes, the chicken.

[Carrie Brownstein]

We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia. Ao rewatch our brand new podcast.

[Fred Armisen]

Each week, we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning, breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters, revisiting the Portland locations you know and love, and opening up about our creative process.

[Carrie Brownstein]

How did any of this get made? Why did he think that was a good idea? We're ready to talk about it.

[Fred Armisen]

And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Krisel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more.

[Carrie Brownstein]

Kyle is going for it. Here you fully improvised, not just words, but a song.

[Shannon Sharp]

Well, I thought he was gonna write.

[Spanky]

I thought you were all gonna write a song.

[Carrie Brownstein]

I remember you thinking that.

[Fred Armisen]

Listen to Podlandia. Ayo rewatch on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Lele Pons]

My first guest is Paris Hilton. Shakira, Luke and Yerin Samira e Gracie. I'm so excited.

[Shannon Sharp]

On a bouncy bed, you have surprises, many surprises.

[Lele Pons]

Welcome to suite 305, where the group chat comes to life. What?

[Chelsea Handler]

What up?

[Lele Pons]

You're the only person I know that loves a yellow Starburst.

It's lemonade.

This is suite 305. Listen to suite 305 with Lele Pons as part of my Cultura Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Chelsea Handler]

This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Every week the news gets worse, the world gets crazier, and Yamanika is here to tell whoever's responsible, you're the problem.

[Yamaneika Saunders]

If you come over here to play games, I' ma check you, okay? If you do some in the news that don't sound good, I'm a play.

[Chelsea Handler]

You join Yamanika Saunders as she breaks down the week's most problematic stories on her new podcast. You're the Problem with Yamaneika.

[Yamaneika Saunders]

Do you know I just found out who Sydney Sweeney was?

[Chelsea Handler]

New episodes weekly every Wednesday as part of my new network, the Dear Chelsea Network.

[Yamaneika Saunders]

If he got a bunch of women, then I should have a bunch of men do better or do less so I don't have to do so much.

[Chelsea Handler]

So join Yamaneika each episode as she answers one question. Who's the problem?

[Yamaneika Saunders]

I'm Yamanika, and I'm out. Listen to youo're the Problem with yamaneika on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Shannon Sharp]

People are. You always call me say, Man. People always ask you when they see you say, man, I heard your brother say this I on Nightcap, man. Is that. Is that true? Is that true? You say? That's the number one question that you get when people see you and they like, man, your brother said this about your grandfather, and is that true, man? Did your grandfather really say this? Your grandfather really do, yes.

[Spanky]

When I don't. When I see the clips myself, I usually comment like, yeah, he.

[Jake Brennan]

He.

[Spanky]

He did see, he did do that. You know, he did say that. Like, you told the story about Granny hooking me in the eyelid, sitting behind her as she's fishing, throwing the pole. I'm like, that. That happened. I'm like, he kind of glossed over the story where you set the field on fire and then went back and told Papa that somebody did it. He said, it was you boys. I got the punishment for that, you know, so it's interesting because you're three years younger than me. It's just interesting of the stories you remember and how you remember with the accuracy of, you know, you couldn't tell about the beating that I got for you setting the field on fire. Because you didn't experience that.

[Shannon Sharp]

Hey, hey, hey. But he used to.

[Joe]

He used to tell it, though, didn't.

[Spanky]

Hey, Joe. Joe, let me tell you. If. If you want to know where the Lindbergh baby is, don't tell him. If you want to know where Amelia Earhart is, don't tell Shannon. Because if Shannon know it, you don't have to bribe him. He gonna tell it for free. He gave you up. He's giving you up for free.

[Shannon Sharp]

Hey, I told the story. I was telling Joe with Ocho. The story.

[Spanky]

Yeah, about.

[Shannon Sharp]

We watched it. We was watching. Popeye gave us $2 to wash the truck. You washed the body? I washed the tires. You take it from there.

[Spanky]

All right, first of all, Joe, we watched the car totally wrong. You supposed to watch the car from the top down. We started from the bottom up, so he. He owned. So by the time. That dishwash detergent that we were using to watch the car, by the time we got to the. By the time I got to the top, you know, the brake dust and everything had already just eaten that. That detergent up. He came out there and looked at in that mess, and he was like, boy, y'. All, first of all, he threatened us because he's like, boy, y'.

[Joe]

All.

[Spanky]

Y' all know y' all need your ass well for doing this. That's the first thing you see. And then he was just, you know, because it was one of the few times that he allowed us to do something without instructing us. So it didn't go well. I. I don't even think we got the $2, because let me tell you something else. I don't know if Shannon. I don't know if Shannon told you guys this, but what he would do was, is he would pay us $2 to wash the car and then charge us a dollar to take us to the store. And there was no, you know, old joke. You know, you'd be like, hey, man, give me some of them Skittles and get me a Reese cup. No, sir. There was no buying for somebody if you didn't play the dollar.

[Shannon Sharp]

Everybody.

[Spanky]

Everybody, everybody had to pay that toll. So he. He was a true.

[Shannon Sharp]

See what I tell people that they, like, man, it wasn't like that. He told me, cuz. He came out there, cuz, spanking, say, hey, go tell Papa we done finish with the car, Joe. I go in the house just like he instructed me to. Just like a good little brother supposed to do what his big brother tell me to do something. So I go Get Papa. I said, papa, you done. He come out there, he put his overalls on, he got one strap hanging. He come out there, he look at

[Spanky]

I should be sh. I should whip y' all ass is what I should do. That what he said.

[Shannon Sharp]

He said. He said anything. He said anything but you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Spanky]

He was like, man, Joe, he was. Hold on. You didn't tell him the one about. About how he used to. Sometimes he would make you feel so stupid. Now, for lack of a better word, joe, we washed the car. Now it's time to wax it. So instead of saying, hey, go over and grab the wax, he says, hey, Spanky, go get that Jay Wax. Like, whoa, what's the J Wax? So I'm looking. Joe, I'm like this. So I'm looking at the Jay Wax, and. And I'm like, I'm looking at the wax, but I'm looking for the J Wax. Hey, hey, boy. Boy, get that J1. Eat him up, Jay Wax. Eat him up. Because it was. It was so close to me. If it was a snake, it would have been, but he did things like that. But it's amazing, though, that Shannon has the memory being three years, because when Papa died, you would have been what, Nine? Eight.

[Yamaneika Saunders]

Nine.

[Shannon Sharp]

Eight. I would have been nine. My birthday.

[Spanky]

And so for him to remember, and he was not in the fire as much as I was. I mean, if I were to start a podcast and start telling these stories, these folks would arrest Barney Porter. They would dig him up and arrest his ass for the thing. Joe, Joe, this is Shannon. You start back talking, because I don't want to talk too much. But Joe, I used to sleep with him. Shannon slept with my grandma. I slept with him. He would wake me up at 2 in the morning, make me ride with him to the truck stop. He got eggs, grits, toast. He got the pancakes with the syrup. He got coffee. And he would look at me and say, yeah, you don't want to eat this because you going to eat cereal in the morning.

[Shannon Sharp]

He takes Spanky to watch him eat Joe.

[Spanky]

Guys, guys. The reason he nicknamed me Spank is he couldn't say Sterling. So he was like that boy. Their name Spanky. I ain't calling him whatever that you named him. I don't know where you get that fancy name from. His name Spank. And to this day, there's two people that still called me Spanky. My brother and my. My homeboy Calvin McNeil are the only two people that called me that.

[Shannon Sharp]

Hey, what about we got in trouble

[Spanky]

for cutting the ground Wait, which plates? Because. Because. Which is crazy now, how we got in trouble. If he showed you a way to do something, you had to do it that way so you couldn't come. I'm like, it's cutting grass. So. So he.

[Ocho]

You can't get that. You can't get that wrong, though.

[Spanky]

Yes, you can. Yeah. Because if he was going from the house to the well, and you went from the road to the chicken coop or to the horse pen, he lose his mind. You know it is now. It wasn't in it wasn't it?

[Shannon Sharp]

Because he gonna come out. The first thing he gonna ask you. Who told you to do this?

[Joe]

So.

[Shannon Sharp]

So you know. Joe. Hey, Joe, we gotta push you. But we couldn't. We thought we.

[Spanky]

Fellas. He asked more rhetorical questions than anybody on the planet. Hey, hey.

[Joe]

Absolutely.

[Spanky]

Who told y' all to do this? Because I know if you answer this question, whatever answer you give is gonna be wrong. And there was consequences and repercussions. Any answer you gotta for the answer you gave. Let me tell you. Yeah, yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

Hey, let me ask you a question. How was he about me and.

[Spanky]

No, no, no.

[Shannon Sharp]

Could you be late?

[Spanky]

You know, you. You said Harold Green is. Is my best friend, bro. The only falling out me and Harold have ever had was he was late coming to my house, bro. We leaving, driving to Atlanta. He's supposed to be at my house at 7. He gets there by 7:35, bro. I'm steaming. The one thing Barney Porter was not going. You wasn't go.

[Shannon Sharp]

Is late.

[Spanky]

That's not gonna happen to him. He is not gonna. He is not gonna have you attempt to be late. Because if you don't respect Barney Porter's time, there was consequences and there was repercussions. It always that way. You were gonna respect. You're gonna respect his time because you respected him. He was that way. He was definitely that way. But, yeah, Shannon, boy, let me tell you. But his podcast thing. I know you guys, man. Y' all doing a heck of a job, and I enjoy it. But Shannon, man, you talking too much. You putting all our business in the street. That's why. That's why our sister don't want him to write a book. Because, boy, it's like, look, Shannon. My sister got so fed up with Shannon talking about us growing up in a house without running water that she almost disowned.

[Fred Armisen]

Yeah,

[Shannon Sharp]

but people. But see fake when we. We tell them, because, you know, Grandma Lou had the old, old Little House on the prairie, the prime pump that you pull the water In.

[Spanky]

That's right. That's right. Yeah. We had to lower the bucket.

[Shannon Sharp]

And when I tell people that to my man, that was for. That's from the 50s and 60s. I said, how you gonna tell me something I experienced?

[Spanky]

How about this?

[Shannon Sharp]

I ain't telling you about the experience that I read about. I'm telling you about a list.

[Spanky]

Tell the boys about what we put in the well to get to keep the bugs out. So we didn't bring up a well bugs. When we brought up the bucket. What we put in there?

[Shannon Sharp]

Catfish.

[Spanky]

Put a catfish in the whale.

[Joe]

Wait, catfish in the whale?

[Ocho]

What that do?

[Shannon Sharp]

Catfish would eat the bugs, see? The catfish would come up and eat the bug.

[Spanky]

So when you lower the bucket, you ain't gonna get a bucket full of bugs. You getting. You getting pure water, right? I can't tell you if it works. I'm just telling you what we did. Hey.

[Shannon Sharp]

Rest his soul. Eugene, our first cousin Eugene, brother, sister, kids. We was up, walking. Up walking towards Sammy Kirkland house. Big old red walls beside the barn.

[Spanky]

Everybody.

[Shannon Sharp]

You know what? I don't know what made him Joe, man. Let's see who hit that wall's nest. I'm the youngest. Arnell is the oldest by 7. Eugene is the next oldest by 6. Spank is the next oldest by 3. Lan is 2 years old to me. I'm the youngest.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

This had to be. I couldn't have been no more than six at least.

[Spanky]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

So. So we taking turns. We tried to take Joe. We.

[Spanky]

We were firing at that thing, bro.

[Shannon Sharp]

And just right on cue, Eugene hit it. They take off, they gone. Why take off? But it's a little bit too late, man. They told me up.

[Ocho]

How they get you.

[Spanky]

He can't run fast enough.

[Shannon Sharp]

I couldn't run fast enough. Ocho. You gotta realize I'm six years old. Ug 12, spanky nine.

[Spanky]

Fellas. He likes to talk about what kind of athlete he was. He ain't never had wheels, though. He was always. He was always a dump truck on the highway. He was always in the.

[Shannon Sharp]

Hey, hey. So I get.

[Lele Pons]

Hey.

[Shannon Sharp]

I take off running. I.

[Spanky]

Hey.

[Shannon Sharp]

They start running. They laughing. I run straight to the house. Cause I'm gonna get them in trouble. I walk it. Hey. So by the time they get there, they coming. They coming in there. I'm out of breath. I breathe hard. Papa, Papa. They throw in the walls.

[Spanky]

You should have run. But, Papa, I did run. Well, you should have run fast.

[Shannon Sharp]

That joke, hey, he was very matter of fact. He had. He did not have an empathy Or a sympathy bone in your. In his body. If he told you, if he promised you something, set your clock back, it was gonna happen. Everything I'm gonna tell. If he said, I'm gonna tell your ass. Well, he didn't tell you that. He just.

[Spanky]

Or if he looked. Or if he gave you that Jewish. Your rest of your day was ruined because you knew it was gonna. It was like. I don't know exactly when, but it's gonna happen. You know, like on the fourth Sunday, man, was the time that we got a chance to work on our athletic moves because all our cousins would come over, our aunts and my grandma would cook. So we eating. We getting cake. Oh, yeah, we doing it up big dog. We doing it big.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Fred Armisen]

Yeah.

[Spanky]

So you done forgotten about the look you got when. When the pastor was praying or. No, when. When one of the deacons, either Deacon Joe Sharp or. Or Deacon Naked Nathan Maynard were playing Nathaniels to miss?

[Shannon Sharp]

Yeah, he took over.

[Spanky]

So when you kind of was nodding off that dozing because you should have gone to bed early. And when you. You know, when you wake up, you look. The first thing you do is look over in that deacon corner. Y' all left to see if he look. And he looking at. He look at you and just, you know. Amen. Amen. Amen. You don't forgot all about it when you get the brakes beat off you at about 9:30 that night. Get the brakes beat off. Yeah.

[Joe]

Damn.

[Yamaneika Saunders]

He.

[Shannon Sharp]

He was. He was a dip. He was different. And I think I thought Spank. Spank had the most of his ways. I think once we grew up and the way we was growing up. But now that I sit back and think about it, it. I think I'm more like him than you. More public time around it.

[Spanky]

You more public. And see. See. Barney Porter would have never done a podcast. Don't know. He'd never done a podcast. Barney Porter would have never done a podcast with you two guys either, so. So there's two things that Barney Porter would have never done. And. And bond. He. He always kept stuff close to the vest. Like he would say things to us that he wouldn't say to other. Our other cousins or to his sons. Because I spent more time with my Uncle Thurman, who was a farmer with him and him. So I learned how to be a man from them too. But his. You can say you are more like him, but Libby would say that.

[Shannon Sharp]

I think my mannerisms. I think the lateness.

[Joe]

I think

[Spanky]

you public. You public, though. So you. You have a Persona where you ain't like, you know, you ain't jovial all the time. You ain't. You ain't on Nightcap, you ain't on. You ain't on Nightcap, you ain't on Club Shea all the time. So you kind of have to be. Bonnie Porter would have never done a podcast. Bonnie Porter ain't never coming out letting you know what he think. He ain't never doing that. He. He. He. And. And if he don't like something, he's gonna say he don't like it. And he really don't care what your act or reaction is. This is what he believes. So if you don't like it, you don't like it over there, which is fine. You. You know, there's a scene which is really crazy about this movie, Lean on Me. There's a scene where the assistant principal said, you can't throw the fire chief out. And Joe Clark says, yeah, he's saying that too. But you know where he's saying it? He's saying that in the parking lot. That's how Barney was. He was. He gave you his mind, and there was no retort or, you know, let me come back to you on that. That was. This is my way, and there's the road over there.

[Joe]

Hey, hey, that's.

[Spanky]

Yes, indeed. Yes, indeed.

[Joe]

Y' all know how it is. Hey, hey. They remind me, I'm telling you. Remind me so much. When I hear uncle talk about his grandpa, it remind me of Nolan Richardson, bro, when I played at the University of Arkansas. Hey, man, it wasn't a lot of, you know, Kiki Ki.

[Ocho]

Ha, ha ha.

[Joe]

Patch on your back, you know, Good job. It wasn't. Hey, man, it was not a lot of that, bro. I'm talking about when he came in. When he came in my mother's living room. So you gonna send him to me as a boy? I'm gonna send him back.

[Spanky]

That's what happened.

[Shannon Sharp]

Yes, sir.

[Spanky]

Barney, we. We do this a couple of times at our golf course. We'd be sitting around, and they'd be like, talk about words you never heard your parent or guardian say. So I'm like my grandfather. Good job. Never heard him say that. That. Yeah, that's right. Never heard him say that. Not to us. No, I'm saying to us. Never heard him say good job. Never heard that was right. Never heard that. Keep doing what you do. No. Whatever you did was wrong until he stopped doing it. Whatever you did was wrong until he stopped doing.

[Shannon Sharp]

So I told Joe the story. The last. Probably the Last two years of his life. How did papa sleep?

[Spanky]

On his knees. He couldn't sleep in the bed, so he. He, He. He knelt down either on the. By the sofa or in the bed. Well, on the side of the bed. He couldn't sleep in the bed. He slept on his knees.

[Joe]

Hold on. But why, but why he couldn't sleep in the bed.

[Spanky]

Honestly. And I usually don't say that, because usually when people say honestly, they get ready to lie. But he couldn't sleep in the bed because he thought somebody put a root on. Yeah, my grandpa. Yes, indeed, my boy. Yes, sir. And I ain't gonna. And I'm not even gonna tell you that somebody came over to did some things outside his bedroom window. And a half and a jar of frogs and lizards and snakes. I ain't gonna even tell you all that popped up. And I ain't gonna even tell you that the person that did this opened this jar and said, barney, if you see how this frog is dried up, if that whole frog would have dried up, there ain't nothing nobody could have done fun. I ain't even gonna tell you that because I know you not gonna believe it. Because us standing there, we don't to this day, we still don't believe it, do we, Shane? And that's what happened. That is a true story.

[Joe]

Damn.

[Ocho]

You think stuff like that is real, though, Roots And.

[Spanky]

Okay, now, the Bible I read says no. So I'm gonna say no. I'm gonna say that ain't real. I'm gonna say that ain't true. But in 1975, it was. It was in 1975. Yeah.

[Ocho]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

Because if you. If the. What he said he believed.

[Spanky]

That's right.

[Ocho]

Right.

[Spanky]

Yeah, he believed it.

[Shannon Sharp]

So people like, man, I ain't scared of the dead, because the dead can't do anything. They can't hurt you. They can make you hurt your dad.

[Spanky]

I tell you what, you don't ever see. You don't ever see anybody walking through a cemetery at night. They always in a hurry, you know, walking in cemetery. Everybody always in her. Always.

[Joe]

Oh, yeah, that's.

[Shannon Sharp]

And I told a story about when he got into it. And that was you. That had to be. That might have been 74, 75. When he was in the he. Because the front porch was like, right here, his bedroom, his bed was as

[Spanky]

you walked to the doors on the right. Yes.

[Shannon Sharp]

Yeah. And his brother kept thumping me, thumping me on my head.

[Spanky]

Yeah.

[Shannon Sharp]

And he had a saying. Joe Ocho, he said, don't he. Don't he. He Determines tested it. He despised it. He said, if you thump a kid on his head, you'll make a kid. And he would have learned.

[Spanky]

Now, I ain't saying that ain't true either, based on your grades in high school, so I ain't saying that ain't true. But no, he, he, he was, he was as adamant about that as being late. He, he did not play. You hit the kid anywhere else, do not thump the kid on there. Don't do it. Which, which is really weird. But, yeah, he would. That was him. That, that was definitely.

[Shannon Sharp]

He kept bumping me and I kept. I'm like, oh, stop, stop. And you could hear him, Joe. He always. He get up, put them coveralls on. You can hear the change in his pocket. He got that. What. Hey, he got that one strap.

[Spanky]

He come out there, he said, now he talking to his. He talked to his brother. He talked to his brother. You hit that boy one more time. And you know when he said that, like, everybody was like, bristled because he wasn't threatening. My grandfather was never really threatening like that. And hey, hey, you hit that boy one day, hit that boy one more time, and everybody, like, froze. And I drew a blank because I had never seen that shot. Actually, that might be the only side. The only time that that came out because I don't think he ever. He and his best friend, Virgil Wiggins, I don't think they ever had any. No, I think. I think that might have been the only time I've ever seen my grandfather mad. And I'm talking about old school southern mad. And, and what, What y' all won't remember is back in the day when, when old folks got mad, they handled it with a straight razor blue. A pistol. There was no going outside throwing fish. They were getting ready to. Somebody was either going to the hospital or to the morgue. They were getting it in. And I think that's the only time I saw Papa. That was. Yeah, he was. He was done because what, what, what, what was the baby. So he was a little bit. He was a lot of. Bit different than how if he had been thumping me on the head, my grandfather would have said a word. But Shannon was a little bit different too. He made sure, like if Shannon would have had to go to the truck stop, Shannon would have got to eat what he ate.

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[Chelsea Handler]

This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Every week the news gets worse, the world gets crazier, and Yamanika is here to tell whoever's responsible for you're the problem.

[Yamaneika Saunders]

Do you know I just found out who Sydney Sweeney was. If he got a bunch of women, then I should have a bunch of men do better or do less so I don't have to do so much. I'm Yamanika and I'm out. Listen to youo're the Problem with yamaneika on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Lele Pons]

My first guest is Paris Hilton. Shakira, Luke and Yerim have surprises in many spots.

[Sam J]

Surprises.

[Lele Pons]

Welcome to the Sweet 305 podcast where the group chat comes to life. What up? You're the only person I know that loves a yellow starburst.

It's lemonade.

This is suite 305. Here, oversharing is encouraged. Listen to suite 305 with Lele Pons on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Carrie Brownstein]

Hey, Portlandia fans, Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here the dream of the 90s

[Fred Armisen]

is alive in podcast form.

[Carrie Brownstein]

We're launching Podlandia AO Rewatch our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together, breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made.

[Fred Armisen]

And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators and friends, including director Jonathan Krisel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more.

[Carrie Brownstein]

Kyle is going for it. Here you fully improvised not just words, but a song about.

[Shannon Sharp]

Well, I thought you were all going

[Chelsea Handler]

to write a song.

[Carrie Brownstein]

I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia Aao rewatch on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Ari Chambers]

What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist Ari Chambers.

[Sam J]

Hey, what's up, y'?

[Carrie Brownstein]

All?

[Sam J]

It's your girl, Sam J.

[Ari Chambers]

And we're the host of Everyone Watches Women's Sports, a new podcast from Together and I heart women's sports.

[Sam J]

We're breaking down the biggest headlines.

[Ari Chambers]

Naomi Osaka showing out.

[Sam J]

Shout out to you, Naomi.

[Ari Chambers]

The viral moments.

[Sam J]

I've been obsessed with Chrisean Rock's boxing journey. She looks good, her combos are swift.

[Ari Chambers]

And the stories everyone's talking about across

[Sam J]

women's sports because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to everyone watches women's Sports on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.