Scrolling with Hayley – Episode 260: “White House Etiquette for Everyday Life”

Host: Hayley Caronia
Guest: Allison Shephardak
Date: March 20, 2026

Episode Overview

In this engaging episode, Hayley Caronia welcomes Allison Shephardak—former White House Staff Secretary, lawyer, TV anchor, and etiquette expert—to explore how the rules of protocol from the highest office in the land can apply to everyday life. They discuss Allison’s multifaceted career journey, her time in the Trump White House, the intersection of politics and etiquette, practical advice for better conversations and first impressions, and how her new book, "Was It Something I Said?" offers relevant wisdom for modern relationships, work, and social situations. The conversation is practical, candid, and full of real-world examples and memorable moments.

Guest Background: Allison Shephardak’s Unusual Path

[03:00]

Studied journalism and political science at Villanova. Interned at major networks (ABC, FOX, NBC), worked as TV anchor, then went to George Washington University Law School.
Began in a large corporate law firm.
By chance at a holiday party, landed a job at the U.S. Treasury, then became Assistant Staff Secretary in the Trump White House.
Managed the President’s documents, briefing materials, schedules, and traveled on Air Force One.
After the White House, served as Executive Director of March for Life and began posting about etiquette online, turning a personal fascination (sparked when planning her wedding at 22) into a public career.

Quote:
"If you want good sources, you need to be a good human... and someone that makes people feel comfortable." [07:32], Allison

Inside White House Culture & President Trump

Memorable Trump Moments

[09:17]

Allison recalls a speech error where she didn’t provide a phonetic guide for a tricky word; the President mispronounced it, which became a minor story but was shrugged off—illustrating Trump’s resilience and work ethic.
Another "plazma" vs. "plasma" incident showed that some mistakes were less consequential than expected.

Quote:
"He's just like a New Yorker. There was no story about it... I had a phenomenal experience. I found him to be indefatigable. No one works harder than him." [10:39], Allison

Trump’s Manners and Protocol

[11:29]

Not a protocol perfectionist, but a good listener who respects his advisors, especially Ambassador Monica Crowley.
She emphasizes: “It’s the way you make people feel. It’s not how you impress people with all of the manners that you know.” [12:17]

From Personal Curiosity to Etiquette Authority

[12:52]

Allison pursued certification in both British and North American etiquette; inspired by personal interest, not initially planning to teach.
Saw an opportunity to fill a niche—few were sharing relatable, conservative-rooted etiquette content online.

Quote:
"I saw that as a gap in the market that I could fill. I started posting and things took off pretty quickly..." [14:20], Allison

Teaching at the White House: Intern Orientation

[14:56]

She’s been teaching etiquette to White House interns and at major institutions since the start of the second Trump term.
Takes pride in contributing to a program where many interns become staffers.

Advice from D.C. to Daily Life: Essential Etiquette Insights

Treating Everyone Respectfully

[16:58]

Biggest mistake in the White House and beyond: Only being polite to those in power.
“Whether it’s the receptionist or the managing partner... everyone is deserving of respect.” [17:02]

Doing Your Assigned Work Well

Don’t chase only “cool” opportunities before mastering your basic role.
“Do whatever work you are assigned really, really well before you ask to do something cool.” [18:00]

Offices with Exceptional Manners

First Lady’s office, Office of Legislative Affairs, and Offices dealing with external relations require—and display—high emotional intelligence and people skills.

Navigating Political Discussions & Small Talk

Is It Rude to Discuss Politics?

[19:32]

It’s more common now, but Allison suggests not leading with politics (or money, sex, religion, health) when meeting someone new—unless it’s expected at an event.
Approach with curiosity, not confrontation:
"It's more kind to approach conversations with curiosity than seeking to convert someone's opinions." [21:32]

Small Talk—How to Start and Pivot

[23:13]

Ask about shared experiences ("How do you know the couple?"), be ready with generic topics (books, shows, hobbies).
Research shows even preparing topics boosts confidence.
If you want to avoid a question: “I'm not really ready to share about that, but I'd love to hear about…” [26:09]
Pivot matters more than rejecting the question directly.

Managing Awkward or Rude Questions

[29:23]

You don’t have to answer questions about relationships, children, income, or other personal matters.
Empower listeners to politely deflect or pivot away.

Supporting Others – Grief, Milestones, and Friendship

[30:10]

Don’t minimize others’ loss (“at least…” statements) or pry for details.
Offer open support: “I love you, I don’t know what to say, but I want to support you.”
When offering help, be specific (“Can I bring groceries Tuesday?” rather than “Let me know if you need anything.”).

Dating & Gender Roles in Modern Culture

[34:14]

Hayley laments the decline of men approaching women; Allison notes a cultural shift and encourages women to be specific about what they want, communicate their standards, and give men the chance to step up.

Quote:
"If you’re more dialed in on what are your standards... give people the chance to step up, and then if they don’t, they don’t." [37:09], Allison

Chivalry, Handshakes, and Communication (for Men)

Most etiquette questions from men are about physical greetings (handshakes/hugs) and compliments.
Opening doors is always respectful—few women truly object.

Mistakes Men & Women Make

[41:02]

Not communicating expectations or desires clearly.
Clarity (about plans, intentions, feelings) is an underappreciated kindness in all relationships.

Generational Shifts: Gen Z & Alpha Etiquette Challenges

[42:09]

Younger generations are more likely to resolve issues via reporting rather than direct conversation; prefer texting to phone calls; often lack exposure to professional office dynamics due to remote work and COVID.
Allison encourages using email for professional contacts and acknowledges that comfort with real-life etiquette grows with practice.

Quote:
"With practice, you get better and the confidence comes." [45:49], Allison

Etiquette for Marriage & Long-term Relationships

[46:08]

Don’t let closest relationships get “what’s left, not the best.”
Time difficult conversations thoughtfully, be honest, and follow through.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep (“Don’t tell everybody you’d love to get coffee if you can’t.”) [47:57]

Allison Shephardak’s Book & Where to Find Her

[48:09]

Book: Was It Something I Said? Everyday Etiquette to Avoid Awkward Moments in Relationships, Work, and Life
Released March 17, 2026—available everywhere, including audiobook (read by Allison).
Social: @ElevateEtiquette on most platforms; more info at elevateetiquette.com and elevateedit.com

Notable Quotes

On working with Trump: "What you see is what you get. And I think there's a lot to respect about that." [10:59], Allison
On first impressions: "A first impression is very important. And it's hard to come back from a poor one." [16:21], Hayley
On personal questions: "A lot of times, questions where the answer is a number are kind of rude... Like, you don't need to ask someone how tall they are." [29:23], Allison
On supporting grieving friends: "I really love you. I don't know what to say, but I want you to know my love for you and that I really want to support you." [32:51], Allison
On generational etiquette: "They are more likely to report it to a supervisor rather than going to that person that they are uncomfortable with to actually talk about it, to resolve." [43:10], Allison

Timestamps for Key Segments

[03:00] Allison’s career journey from TV to White House
[09:17] Behind-the-scenes Trump stories and addressing mistakes
[11:29] Presidential manners and the meaning of protocol
[14:56] Teaching etiquette to White House interns
[16:58] Mistakes in hierarchical etiquette and best advice for advancement
[19:32] Is it rude to discuss politics?
[23:13] How to master small talk and avoid conversational pitfalls
[29:23] Handling awkward/personal questions
[30:10] Navigating grief and milestone support
[34:14] Modern dating, chivalry, and gender roles
[42:09] Gen Z/Alpha communication challenges in the workplace
[46:08] Etiquette for married couples and close relationships
[48:09] Info about Allison’s book and where to follow her

Summary prepared for the listeners and non-listeners alike—highlighting the candor, warmth, and practicality that set Scrolling with Hayley apart.

Scrolling with Hayley – Episode 260: “White House Etiquette for Everyday Life”

Host: Hayley Caronia
Guest: Allison Shephardak
Date: March 20, 2026

Episode Overview

Guest Background: Allison Shephardak’s Unusual Path

[03:00]

Studied journalism and political science at Villanova. Interned at major networks (ABC, FOX, NBC), worked as TV anchor, then went to George Washington University Law School.
Began in a large corporate law firm.
By chance at a holiday party, landed a job at the U.S. Treasury, then became Assistant Staff Secretary in the Trump White House.
Managed the President’s documents, briefing materials, schedules, and traveled on Air Force One.
After the White House, served as Executive Director of March for Life and began posting about etiquette online, turning a personal fascination (sparked when planning her wedding at 22) into a public career.

Quote:
"If you want good sources, you need to be a good human... and someone that makes people feel comfortable." [07:32], Allison

Inside White House Culture & President Trump

Memorable Trump Moments

[09:17]

Allison recalls a speech error where she didn’t provide a phonetic guide for a tricky word; the President mispronounced it, which became a minor story but was shrugged off—illustrating Trump’s resilience and work ethic.
Another "plazma" vs. "plasma" incident showed that some mistakes were less consequential than expected.

Quote:
"He's just like a New Yorker. There was no story about it... I had a phenomenal experience. I found him to be indefatigable. No one works harder than him." [10:39], Allison

Trump’s Manners and Protocol

[11:29]

Not a protocol perfectionist, but a good listener who respects his advisors, especially Ambassador Monica Crowley.
She emphasizes: “It’s the way you make people feel. It’s not how you impress people with all of the manners that you know.” [12:17]

From Personal Curiosity to Etiquette Authority

[12:52]

Allison pursued certification in both British and North American etiquette; inspired by personal interest, not initially planning to teach.
Saw an opportunity to fill a niche—few were sharing relatable, conservative-rooted etiquette content online.

Quote:
"I saw that as a gap in the market that I could fill. I started posting and things took off pretty quickly..." [14:20], Allison

Teaching at the White House: Intern Orientation

[14:56]

She’s been teaching etiquette to White House interns and at major institutions since the start of the second Trump term.
Takes pride in contributing to a program where many interns become staffers.

Advice from D.C. to Daily Life: Essential Etiquette Insights

Treating Everyone Respectfully

[16:58]

Biggest mistake in the White House and beyond: Only being polite to those in power.
“Whether it’s the receptionist or the managing partner... everyone is deserving of respect.” [17:02]

Doing Your Assigned Work Well

Don’t chase only “cool” opportunities before mastering your basic role.
“Do whatever work you are assigned really, really well before you ask to do something cool.” [18:00]

Offices with Exceptional Manners

First Lady’s office, Office of Legislative Affairs, and Offices dealing with external relations require—and display—high emotional intelligence and people skills.

Navigating Political Discussions & Small Talk

Is It Rude to Discuss Politics?

[19:32]

It’s more common now, but Allison suggests not leading with politics (or money, sex, religion, health) when meeting someone new—unless it’s expected at an event.
Approach with curiosity, not confrontation:
"It's more kind to approach conversations with curiosity than seeking to convert someone's opinions." [21:32]

Small Talk—How to Start and Pivot

[23:13]

Ask about shared experiences ("How do you know the couple?"), be ready with generic topics (books, shows, hobbies).
Research shows even preparing topics boosts confidence.
If you want to avoid a question: “I'm not really ready to share about that, but I'd love to hear about…” [26:09]
Pivot matters more than rejecting the question directly.

Managing Awkward or Rude Questions

[29:23]

You don’t have to answer questions about relationships, children, income, or other personal matters.
Empower listeners to politely deflect or pivot away.

Supporting Others – Grief, Milestones, and Friendship

[30:10]

Don’t minimize others’ loss (“at least…” statements) or pry for details.
Offer open support: “I love you, I don’t know what to say, but I want to support you.”
When offering help, be specific (“Can I bring groceries Tuesday?” rather than “Let me know if you need anything.”).

Dating & Gender Roles in Modern Culture

[34:14]

Hayley laments the decline of men approaching women; Allison notes a cultural shift and encourages women to be specific about what they want, communicate their standards, and give men the chance to step up.

Quote:
"If you’re more dialed in on what are your standards... give people the chance to step up, and then if they don’t, they don’t." [37:09], Allison

Chivalry, Handshakes, and Communication (for Men)

Most etiquette questions from men are about physical greetings (handshakes/hugs) and compliments.
Opening doors is always respectful—few women truly object.

Mistakes Men & Women Make

[41:02]

Not communicating expectations or desires clearly.
Clarity (about plans, intentions, feelings) is an underappreciated kindness in all relationships.

Generational Shifts: Gen Z & Alpha Etiquette Challenges

[42:09]

Younger generations are more likely to resolve issues via reporting rather than direct conversation; prefer texting to phone calls; often lack exposure to professional office dynamics due to remote work and COVID.
Allison encourages using email for professional contacts and acknowledges that comfort with real-life etiquette grows with practice.

Quote:
"With practice, you get better and the confidence comes." [45:49], Allison

Etiquette for Marriage & Long-term Relationships

[46:08]

Don’t let closest relationships get “what’s left, not the best.”
Time difficult conversations thoughtfully, be honest, and follow through.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep (“Don’t tell everybody you’d love to get coffee if you can’t.”) [47:57]

Allison Shephardak’s Book & Where to Find Her

[48:09]

Book: Was It Something I Said? Everyday Etiquette to Avoid Awkward Moments in Relationships, Work, and Life
Released March 17, 2026—available everywhere, including audiobook (read by Allison).
Social: @ElevateEtiquette on most platforms; more info at elevateetiquette.com and elevateedit.com

Notable Quotes

On working with Trump: "What you see is what you get. And I think there's a lot to respect about that." [10:59], Allison
On first impressions: "A first impression is very important. And it's hard to come back from a poor one." [16:21], Hayley
On personal questions: "A lot of times, questions where the answer is a number are kind of rude... Like, you don't need to ask someone how tall they are." [29:23], Allison
On supporting grieving friends: "I really love you. I don't know what to say, but I want you to know my love for you and that I really want to support you." [32:51], Allison
On generational etiquette: "They are more likely to report it to a supervisor rather than going to that person that they are uncomfortable with to actually talk about it, to resolve." [43:10], Allison

Timestamps for Key Segments

[03:00] Allison’s career journey from TV to White House
[09:17] Behind-the-scenes Trump stories and addressing mistakes
[11:29] Presidential manners and the meaning of protocol
[14:56] Teaching etiquette to White House interns
[16:58] Mistakes in hierarchical etiquette and best advice for advancement
[19:32] Is it rude to discuss politics?
[23:13] How to master small talk and avoid conversational pitfalls
[29:23] Handling awkward/personal questions
[30:10] Navigating grief and milestone support
[34:14] Modern dating, chivalry, and gender roles
[42:09] Gen Z/Alpha communication challenges in the workplace
[46:08] Etiquette for married couples and close relationships
[48:09] Info about Allison’s book and where to follow her

Summary prepared for the listeners and non-listeners alike—highlighting the candor, warmth, and practicality that set Scrolling with Hayley apart.

White House Etiquette for Everyday Life - Scrolling w/ Hayley (Ep. 260)

Summary

Scrolling with Hayley – Episode 260: “White House Etiquette for Everyday Life”

Episode Overview

Guest Background: Allison Shephardak’s Unusual Path

Inside White House Culture & President Trump

Memorable Trump Moments

Trump’s Manners and Protocol

From Personal Curiosity to Etiquette Authority

Teaching at the White House: Intern Orientation

Advice from D.C. to Daily Life: Essential Etiquette Insights

Treating Everyone Respectfully

Doing Your Assigned Work Well

Offices with Exceptional Manners

Navigating Political Discussions & Small Talk

Is It Rude to Discuss Politics?

Small Talk—How to Start and Pivot

Managing Awkward or Rude Questions

Supporting Others – Grief, Milestones, and Friendship

Dating & Gender Roles in Modern Culture

Chivalry, Handshakes, and Communication (for Men)

Mistakes Men & Women Make

Generational Shifts: Gen Z & Alpha Etiquette Challenges

Etiquette for Marriage & Long-term Relationships

Allison Shephardak’s Book & Where to Find Her

Notable Quotes

Timestamps for Key Segments

Summary

Scrolling with Hayley – Episode 260: “White House Etiquette for Everyday Life”

Episode Overview

Guest Background: Allison Shephardak’s Unusual Path

Inside White House Culture & President Trump

Memorable Trump Moments

Trump’s Manners and Protocol

From Personal Curiosity to Etiquette Authority

Teaching at the White House: Intern Orientation

Advice from D.C. to Daily Life: Essential Etiquette Insights

Treating Everyone Respectfully

Doing Your Assigned Work Well

Offices with Exceptional Manners

Navigating Political Discussions & Small Talk

Is It Rude to Discuss Politics?

Small Talk—How to Start and Pivot

Managing Awkward or Rude Questions

Supporting Others – Grief, Milestones, and Friendship

Dating & Gender Roles in Modern Culture

Chivalry, Handshakes, and Communication (for Men)

Mistakes Men & Women Make

Generational Shifts: Gen Z & Alpha Etiquette Challenges

Etiquette for Marriage & Long-term Relationships

Allison Shephardak’s Book & Where to Find Her

Notable Quotes

Timestamps for Key Segments