Trigger warning: This episode discusses perinatal loss, pregnancy after loss, premature birth.

Some stories hold grief and joy in the same hands. Gemma's is one of them.

Gemma is the youngest of three sisters, from one of those enormous, chaotic, deeply close families — her mum one of eleven, Gemma one of twenty-something first cousins, Christmases that required crowd control. Motherhood was never a question. The path to it just looked nothing like she expected.

She started IVF at 40 through City Fertility with Dr David Wilkinson, following a PCOS diagnosis that had been quietly there for years, masked by the pill she'd been on since her teens for her skin. Her first cycle gave her three embryos. Her second transfer was successful. She was pregnant, and everything seemed fine — until the 20-week scan.

Her first little boy, Thomas, had severe intrauterine growth restriction. He was measuring below the first percentile. She knew in her gut from that day that it wasn't going to end the way she hoped. A month of additional scans confirmed it — he was no longer going to survive. That weekend, while Gemma was at the beach with her mum and sister, Thomas quietly let go. She was induced at the Monash that Monday, and he was born on the 10th of March 2023. She named him Thomas — her papa's name.

She talks about all of it. The grief. The immediate instinct to do another egg collection while her eggs were still viable. A third cycle that produced over thirty eggs and no embryos. A fourth cycle that produced one. And then, in March 2024, the transfer of the very last embryo from that very first cycle — the one that had been frozen alongside Thomas — that became Henry.

Henry was born via emergency caesarean at 34 weeks, weighing 1.512 kilograms. He spent 37 days in special care. He came home for Christmas. He is now 15 months old, has just started walking, and recently fell off the climbing equipment at daycare head first.

Gemma says she wouldn't change any of it.

In this episode:

Growing up in a huge close-knit family, always knowing motherhood was part of the plan
A PCOS diagnosis at 38 — and how she'd been masking the symptoms with the pill for years
Negotiating paid parental leave with her employer — and why it's worth having the conversation
IVF at 40 with Dr David Wilkinson: one cycle, three embryos, pregnant on the second transfer
The 20-week scan that changed everything — and trusting her gut when her body told her something was wrong
Losing Thomas to severe IUGR, the weekend at the beach, and delivering him on the 10th of March
Going straight back to Dr Wilkinson — and the third cycle that produced thirty-plus eggs and zero embryos
A fourth cycle, one embryo, and then the transfer that became Henry
The full-circle moment: Henry and Thomas were from the same egg collection, frozen on the same day
The donor who agreed to do a blood test for genetic testing during Thomas's pregnancy — and what that meant to Gemma
Pregnancy after loss: weekly scans, a private obstetrician, a perinatal psychiatrist, and monitoring her blood pressure daily
The emergency caesarean at 34 weeks — and why the decision took about five seconds
37 days in special care, expressing, the decision to move to formula, and six months living with Mum in the country
Henry at 15 months: walking, co-sleeping, an early riser, and absolutely besotted with by everyone who meets him

Key Takeaways:

PCOS is often masked by the pill — if you have symptoms and are thinking about your fertility, ask your GP for an AMH test
It's worth having an honest conversation with your employer about paid parental leave — don't assume what isn't available
Trust your gut during pregnancy. Gemma knew before the scans confirmed it. That instinct matters
Pregnancy after loss requires its own support team — a private OB, a perinatal psychologist or psychiatrist, and regular monitoring are not luxuries
Formula is not failure. It can be the decision that saves your mental health
Moving home temporarily is a practical and wise choice — not a step backwards
Genetic testing after loss can give you important information — and clarity — for future transfers

This episode is brought to you by City Fertility

Did you know City Fertility has their own sperm bank — ADDAM — with no waiting times and a wide selection of donors? Download the Adam app or visit atomdonorbank.com.au to begin your search. And as a No Need for Prince Charming listener, you're eligible for an exclusive 20% discount on fertility services at any City Fertility clinic. Claim your discount here.

TTC or pregnant and looking for your village?

The Bump Membership is a private WhatsApp community and fortnightly Zoom connection calls for solo mums-to-be across Australia and New Zealand. Join here.