Noble Blood — Very Special Episodes: The Cabbage Patch Crisis

Original Air Date: December 27, 2025
Host: Dana Schwartz (with Jason English, Zarin Burnett)
Podcast: iHeartPodcasts & Grim & Mild

Overview

This episode of "Very Special Episodes" (a spin-off of Noble Blood) delves into the wild, surprising, and sometimes dark history behind the Cabbage Patch Kids craze of the early 1980s. Host Dana Schwartz and guests chronicle how these dolls went from quirky handmade art to nationwide obsession—culminating in riots, legal battles, organized crime involvement, media hysteria, and a lasting cultural legacy. The episode explores the marketing brilliance, consumer psychology, and the emotional afterlives of the dolls through personal stories and expert insights.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

I. Setting the Scene: Crime, Contraband, and Cabbage Patch Dolls

(02:03–03:41)

• Introduction with former Colombo crime family associate Larry Matzah describing his mob’s involvement, selling truckloads of Cabbage Patch Kids during the 1983 holiday season.
  • “It could be anything…[but] we had somebody bring us a large truckload…of Cabbage Patch dolls. And we probably sold them in less than a week, thousands of them, because people were just going crazy for them.” — Larry Matzah [03:20]
• Organized crime, typically associated with stolen electronics or liquor, finds a hot new commodity: dolls.

II. The Arrival of a Toy Craze

(06:35–11:39)

• Schwartz contextualizes how red-hot toys are part of the holiday tradition, from Shirley Temple dolls (1930s) to Baby Alive (1970s).
• The Cabbage Patch Kids' uniqueness: handmade "soft sculpture" dolls by Xavier Roberts, inspired by Martha Nelson Thomas’s earlier work.
• Roger Schlaifer realized the commercial potential in mass-marketing the “one-of-a-kind” appeal:
  • “So every doll would be different…that was like one of the biggest things in the history of the toy business.” — Roger Schlaifer [10:59]

III. Inventing Cabbage Patch Mania

(11:54–16:42)

• Licensing issues forced a name-change from “Little People” to “Cabbage Patch Kids,” rooted in Roberts' folk tale franchise.
• Coleco takes the mass manufacturing challenge, debuting the dolls at the 1983 Toy Fair using immersive adoption-center marketing.
• Smart advertising and store placement ignites demand long before the holiday season.

IV. The 1983 Holiday Riots

(16:42–21:37)

• Demand outpaces supply, leading to chaotic scenes: parents fighting in stores, injuries, police involvement, even department store lotteries and lockboxes for dolls.
  • “Grown adults rip dolls out of shopping carts and out of children’s arms…Some desperate customers start fighting [the police] too.” — Dana Schwartz [17:02]
• Media frenzy creates a feedback loop: riots generate news, which stokes even more desperation and violence.
• Cabbage Patch Kids become a status symbol—so coveted even organized crime and off-duty police get involved.

V. The Legal Battle of the Knockoffs

(23:57–30:25)

• Flood of counterfeits like "Flower Kids" appear.
• Paul Friedland, junior lawyer for the Flower Kids, recalls the surreal court fight over doll “butt cracks”—the signature Cabbage Patch feature:
  • “They don’t have a cute touch [butt crack].” — Paul Friedland [27:15]
• Judge’s reasoning: Kids would spot fakes instantly—if the doll didn’t provide the same magic, disappointment would be obvious.
• Decision: Flower Kids can be sold; demand reduces risk of confusion more than it causes it.

VI. The Emotional Toll on Parents and Children

(30:25–34:55)

• Personal stories illustrate the lengths parents went to—even flying across the Atlantic for dolls (the Pennington family).
  • “He came back with five Cabbage Patch dolls…I was completely ecstatic and shocked. It was an amazing feeling.” — Lena Pennington [32:25]
• Criticism arises about the adoption gimmick, potentially trivializing real adoption or sending strange messages to adoptees.
• Roger Schlaifer downplays the adoption angle as secondary to the excitement of owning such a coveted doll.

VII. The Aftermath: Rise, Bust, and Enduring Legacy

(35:38–37:49)

• Coleco sells millions of dolls, then overproduces and collapses financially as the fad wanes.
• Unlike most fads, Cabbage Patch Kids achieve a strangely lasting presence—set for a “second act”.

VIII. The Emotional Revival: Adult Collectors and Therapeutic Restoration

(39:29–45:53)

• Adults, especially Gen Xers, find comfort and nostalgia in restoring "cabbies" via social media groups.
• Emotional significance: restoration becomes a way to process trauma, loneliness, or childhood upheaval.
  • “They were something I could go to my room and just play with…They were a safe haven for me.” — Abra Zion [45:05]
• Community develops rituals for cleaning and repairing the dolls, becoming acts of self-care.

IX. Psychological Perspectives

(45:56–49:13)

• David Bosch, NYU psychology professor, explains why Cabbage Patch Kids appealed so deeply:
  • “So I could project my own uncertainties…nurture myself through nurturing the Cabbage Patch Kid.” — David Bosch [45:56]
• The dolls transcended “commodity” status; for many, they symbolized care, safety, and relational needs during times of instability (1980s latchkey kid era, nuclear fears).
  • “This doll is not something you own…It’s about a relationship.” — David Bosch [47:47]

X. Today: A Different Kind of Fandom

(49:28–52:53)

• Now, restoring cabbies means no longer chasing hype—but tending memories and the need to nurture.
  • “In a way…I think they gave me love. Their love wasn’t going to be taken away.” — Abra Zion [50:11]
• Occasional meetups of Cabbage Patch enthusiasts, all “decked out in cabbage patch attire and with our dolls.” [52:18]
• For original participants and new collectors alike, the legacy isn’t about fighting in the aisles anymore but finding solace and community.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On the mania:

  • “Parents kicking, punching, and clawing their way through store aisles, reduced to their most primitive impulses…” — Dana Schwartz [03:41]

• On consumer emotional attachment:

  • “I felt like these, to me somehow, were like real babies…They were a safe haven for me.” — Abra Zion [45:05]

• On the psychology of toy crazes:

  • “It was not about acquisition. It’s about a relationship.” — David Bosch [47:47]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Mafia & Cabbage Patch dolls: 02:03–03:41
• Toy history and childhood desires: 06:35–11:39
• Mass manufacturing and marketing genius: 11:54–16:42
• Cabbage Patch riots and media cycle: 16:42–21:37
• Legal fight over knockoffs: 23:57–30:25
• Pennington family’s cross-Atlantic quest: 30:25–34:55
• Sales crash and pop-cultural fading: 35:38–37:49
• Adult restoration and healing: 39:29–45:53
• Psychology of nurturing objects: 45:56–49:13
• Modern legacy and online camaraderie: 49:28–52:53

Conclusion

This episode uses the Cabbage Patch Kids craze as a window into the intersection of marketing innovation, social hysteria, consumer longing, and the quiet ways material goods can become sources of comfort and connection. It’s a blend of wild, sometimes hilarious cultural history—with empathetic attention to how we carry childhood objects (and needs) into adult life.

“…not every craze leaves its mark the way that Cabbage Patch Kids did…they were a way for latchkey kids, divorced kids, the ones who watched The Day After and went to bed scared to practice being caregivers. And in a world that often felt unstable, that still feels unstable…” — Dana Schwartz [50:33]

For anyone who missed the episode, this summary offers the full arc: from mafia stashes, holiday riots, and lawsuits—right through to the ongoing emotional afterlife of one of the 1980s’ oddest and most enduring obsessions.