Podcast Summary: "You Might Also Like: How God Works: The Science Behind Spirituality"
Release Date: January 16, 2025
Hosts: Dave Disteno and Lori Santos
Podcast: How God Works
Introduction to Holiday Challenges
In this episode, host Dave Disteno engages with happiness expert Lori Santos to delve into the psychological challenges many face during the holiday season. They explore how societal expectations of holidays being the "most wonderful time of the year" can paradoxically lead to increased stress, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy.
Notable Quote:
"The expectation that it's supposed to be the most wonderful can lead us astray."
— Lori Santos [02:50]
Understanding the Arrival Fallacy
Santos introduces the concept of the arrival fallacy, where individuals believe that reaching a future event (like Christmas Day) will bring lasting happiness. This mindset causes people to overlook and undervalue the joy present in the journey, leading to missed opportunities for genuine happiness.
Notable Quote:
"We're not enjoying the journey as we go through... we're missing these moments of joy along the way."
— Lori Santos [05:05]
Enhancing Holiday Happiness Through Rituals and Savoring
The conversation shifts to practical strategies for cultivating happiness during the holidays. Santos emphasizes the importance of extending holiday traditions over multiple days and creating new, personalized rituals that foster savoring and gratitude.
Key Points:
- Extended Traditions: Drawing from Christian Advent and Hanukkah traditions, extending celebrations can provide more opportunities to experience joy.
- Pro-Social Emotions: Encouraging acts of kindness and giving can enhance personal happiness and strengthen social bonds.
Notable Quote:
"One of my favorite suggestions... is to give your savoring as a gift to someone."
— Lori Santos [09:25]
The Power of Giving: Beyond Material Gifts
Santos and Disteno discuss the profound impact of giving on personal happiness. They highlight that pro-social behaviors, such as donating time or money, often bring more lasting joy compared to acquiring material possessions.
Key Points:
- Experiential Gifts: Focusing on experiences rather than physical items can lead to greater and longer-lasting happiness.
- Prosociality Paradox: People typically underestimate the positive emotional effects of giving to others.
Notable Quote:
"Doing nice stuff for others is going to be good, but we completely underestimate how good it's going to feel."
— Lori Santos [14:35]
Cultivating Gratitude During the Holidays
The episode delves into the role of gratitude in enhancing holiday happiness. Santos outlines effective gratitude practices, such as maintaining a gratitude journal or engaging in delight practices with others, to counteract negativity biases and foster a positive mindset.
Key Points:
- Specific Gratitude: Expressing detailed thanks for gifts or actions strengthens relational bonds and personal well-being.
- Gratitude and Health: Regular gratitude practice is linked to better sleep, reduced inflammation, and overall improved health.
Notable Quote:
"Gratitude can get rid of what's called hedonic adaptation... making the good stuff in your life feel more exciting."
— Lori Santos [23:21]
Creating Personalized Rituals and Traditions
Santos encourages listeners to develop their own unique holiday rituals that resonate personally, whether they are religious or secular. These personalized traditions can provide meaningful connections and joy without the pressure of adhering to established norms.
Key Points:
- Unique Traditions: Examples include releasing live lobsters to honor loved ones or celebrating around the solstice with family.
- Imperfectionism: Embracing imperfect celebrations can reduce stress and enhance enjoyment.
Notable Quote:
"They don't have to cost any money. They don't have to make sense. They can be kind of dumb, even sometimes absurd."
— Lori Santos [32:30]
The Role of Awe and Collective Experiences
The episode explores how experiences of awe, often evoked by holiday music, art, and collective activities, contribute to a sense of social connectedness and heightened happiness. Santos references Dacher Keltner's work on awe to illustrate its benefits.
Key Points:
- Social Connection: Awe-inspiring moments foster a feeling of belonging and community.
- Collective Effervescence: Shared experiences, like singing together, amplify positive emotions even among non-religious individuals.
Notable Quote:
"Experiencing awe winds up having these very important positive consequences, like making us feel more socially connected."
— Lori Santos [27:37]
Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques
To combat the high-stress levels of the holiday season, Santos discusses mindfulness practices such as focusing on candle flames or listening to soothing holiday music. These techniques activate the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation and reducing anxiety.
Key Points:
- Breath Regulation: Watching a flame can help synchronize breathing, fostering a meditative state.
- Light Exposure: Incorporating light-focused mindfulness can counteract the seasonal drop in serotonin levels.
Notable Quote:
"Your breath kind of entrains to it. And working on the breath is a really powerful way to hack the relaxation system."
— Lori Santos [31:54]
Conclusion: Embracing Social Connections and Gratitude
The episode wraps up by reinforcing the importance of social connections and gratitude in enhancing holiday happiness. Santos and Disteno encourage listeners to actively engage in giving, creating meaningful traditions, and practicing gratitude to cultivate a fulfilling holiday experience.
Notable Quote:
"The doing is the point... I can attest to this because my holiday season is already feeling better because I have social connection with my good friend Lori."
— Dave Disteno [34:33]
Final Thoughts
Dave Disteno and Lori Santos provide a comprehensive exploration of how traditional and personalized holiday practices can significantly impact individual happiness and social well-being. By addressing common psychological pitfalls and offering actionable strategies, the episode serves as a valuable guide for navigating the complexities of the holiday season with greater joy and fulfillment.
Produced by:
- Hosts: Dave Disteno and Lori Santos
- Writers: Josie Holtzman and Dave Disteno
- Producers: Sophie Eisenberg and Emmanuel Desarm
- Executive Producers: Genevieve Sponsler and Jocelyn Gonzalez
- Mix Engineer & Composer: Merritt Jacob
- Theme Arrangement: Chloe Di Steno
Support: John Templeton Foundation
Further Information:
Visit howgodworksall1word.org for more episodes and transcripts. Follow the podcast on Instagram @howgodworkspod or on social media platforms X and Bluesky via @DavidDisteno.