Ying Gonzalez (3:04)

The other o I've been so much.

Alan Nice (3:07)

All over tik tok that I was like, you know, I really. After she does it now she gets.

Ying Gonzalez (3:12)

Clipped all the time.

Alan Nice (3:15)

Not too long ago and I started seeing you so much come up on my tik tok that I was like, oh my God, I need to interview her. Meai muy bien. I just feel like nothing, espoca. I feel like you say what you want to say and what you feel. I've been seeing a lot of streams with Amanda, by the way. You guys shout out to Amanda, but I'm so excited. Tell us a little bit more about who you are and what you do. For those of you that might not.

Ying Gonzalez (3:46)

Know you, my name is Ying Gonzalez. I'm from Arizona. I'm 19 years old, and I do tik tok. I stream. Recently, I've been getting into a lot of streaming. I do get ready with me. I do day in my life. I do just basically everything.

Alan Nice (4:08)

She like, I love. When I was literally putting all the questions together, I was like, oh, my God, I'm so excited because you really do truly have a big story. And I feel like it's really important to, like, understand your upbringing. And that's what we're gonna do today, you guys. We're gonna get to the cheeseman already.

Ying Gonzalez (4:46)

Oh, my God.

Alan Nice (4:49)

Growing up, how would you describe your childhood? How would you describe growing up in Arizona?

Ying Gonzalez (4:55)

Well, my childhood was pretty good. My dad and my mom were always, like, they were each other's first love, so they were like, always really, like, lovey dovey. Lovey dovey. Like, really good. But it did get, like, to a point, like later on when I was like, I would say, like 12. Things did start getting really rocky for us because, like, my dad, he would treat us very good. Like all of us because it was just me. And then, well, my brother, because he's transgender now my mom and it was just three girls. And then my dad and he would always treat us really, really good. We were like the princesses. But it's like a switch happened because it was like, so weird. Like, my dad had ended up cheating on my mom, and my childhood was pretty good until then.

Alan Nice (5:37)

What is your favorite, like, childhood memory that you think about? Like, oh, my God. You know what? Even though I did have a hard upbring, that brings me a lot of joy.

Ying Gonzalez (5:46)

Okay. So I remember this one time that I had got in really big trouble. I think, like, I had, like, took some money from my mom's purse or something. It was for the elotero and cuz I used to live in these apartments on 35th and Bethany Home. If you're from Arizona, then, you know, and it's like a pretty ghetto area. And usually, like my mom, she would not let me go to the elotero or the ice cream lady because she was like, really, like, paranoid. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, literally. So. So, like, I never did. But that one day that I did, like, I had to take the money. My mom obviously noticed, like, I got in trouble. And then the next day, I was grounded. A week into when I got my first phone. I think I had lost it the day before. Like, that same day that I stole the money from my mom, my dad had came home from work because I was a daddy's girl. So my dad had came home from work and my dad had got me a brand new phone because I had lost it. And I just. I just remember, like, I was like, damn. Like, I love my dad. Like, he would always do little stuff like that, but that. I don't know why. Like, every single time I think of, like, a. A really good moment of my dad, like, I always think of that because my mom was so pissed. She's like, she's not gonna learn her lesson like this.

Alan Nice (6:52)

And that was all saving.

Ying Gonzalez (6:54)

And my dad was all saving me. He was like, I was daddy's girl.

Alan Nice (6:58)

I feel like that's how dads are, Especially consos ninas.

Ying Gonzalez (7:01)

Yeah, right.

Alan Nice (7:01)

Like, I feel like the moms do all of the discipline to fix everything.

Ying Gonzalez (7:11)

Like, honestly, she. She was so pissed off. But after my dad had given me my phone, my mom was like, ah, pero. And my dad was like. Like, what the. Like this and that. Like this and that. And I don't know, like, that is just a really big core memory in my brain of my dad.

Alan Nice (7:31)

Because you thought you probably were gonna get in trouble.

Ying Gonzalez (7:33)

Yeah. But, like, my dad, like, defended me. And, like, that day, like, he even let me go to the park with my friends and everything. And it's like a little, like, thing, but, like, it's just something that I remember of my childhood that made me really happy.

Alan Nice (7:44)

What's the most you've ever stole?

Ying Gonzalez (7:46)

Actually, I think 100 was the most that I.

Alan Nice (7:48)

Okay.

Ying Gonzalez (7:49)

If I st, it was because they told me no, because I usually would just ask and they would give it to me. Like, my dad. I just had to ask my dad for money. Like, even one time when I was, like, 10, it was like, when my parents were barely letting me go out, like, with my friends, by myself, no parents or anything. Like, he gave me, like, 200 and he was like, for me and my friends, for me to pay for all of my friends and for me to go, like, what do you do for work? Business of granite countertops.

Alan Nice (8:20)

Oh, okay. Okay. So. Porreso la concente. Yes, I remember. You know what's so crazy? I'M not very proud of this, but it is what it is. I'm like, that's what I did when I started getting into makeup. I think I was like, in high school. Obia Menta. I wasn't even out of the closet yet. My parents didn't even know I would wear makeup behind their back. So what I used to do you remember the Anastasia lipsticks when they were so popular back in the day?

Ying Gonzalez (8:47)

I think I do.

Alan Nice (8:48)

If, you know, you know the freaking matte lipsticks that would leave your fucking lips looking like butthole because would be so mattifying. They would look so wrinkly. My mom was really bad with, like, her bank statements that she would never check them. Like, she would get the bank statements to the house, never would check them. I'm like, okay, my mom's not really checking her bank statement, so homegirl doesn't even know what's getting, like, spent or not. You're like, so every time I knew she would get paid. Like, every time I knew she would deposit a check. Well, not every time, but when I, like, maybe once a month. Lipstick. And I had my whole little collection of lipsticks.

Ying Gonzalez (9:27)

Every month you would get, like, a new lipstick.

Alan Nice (9:29)

I'm like, well, I swear, it got to a point where my mom thought I was, like, doing some crazy. Like, How was it like, growing up with your siblings, those cuentas that you grew up with? How many siblings? Three.

Ying Gonzalez (9:45)

Yeah, I grew up. Well, it's me and then my little brother and my older brother. My little brother, he's eight years old. When I was going into my teen years, this is when my little brother was born. But with my older brother, since I was talking to you, like, he's. He's trans. I feel like when he was a girl, before he transitioned, we would be fit. Like, we would not get along at all. Like, we would fight every single day. It was so crazy. Just little shit. Like, little stuff. Like, if my mom would buy us a blue and a pink dress, we would both want the pink dress. Or like, if this little stuff. And honestly, like, to this day, I feel really bad. I feel really bad because it's like, I was always like, my older brother when he was a girl. He was very, like, polite. Very quiet. Yeah. Literally, Like, I was, like, crazy. Like, I did not care about anything. Like, my. I was daddy's girl. My dad would fix everything for me, so I was just. Just. I didn't care about anything. Honestly. I grew up getting along, but we would. Obviously, we would fight a lot more than usual. I don't know why. Now we're, like, super chill. Like, yeah, we're, like, older. We don't care. But, like, before, it was super crazy. Like, dude, we would fight every single day. We would, like, come home from school because we would walk from our house to. To school because it was just literally, like, a two minute walk. And, like, if we would be beefing it, like, or something, like, like, we wouldn't get home. Yeah. We would, like, walk on the opposite sides of the road, walk home, and then we would, like, get to the house. We would, like, leave our backpacks, and we would just boom. And start getting into fist fights. And, like, it would be crazy. And then we would be with our friends, so our friends would, like, be like, oh, like, what the. Like, it would be like, everybody hyping each other up, and, like, they would hype me up. Like, it was crazy.

Alan Nice (11:39)

So growing up. Okay, so she transitioned from female to male, right?

Ying Gonzalez (11:42)

Yeah.

Alan Nice (11:42)

Okay, how was that? You know, via mente. You grew up having your sister, and then later on, she comes out as transgender. How did that change the relationship? Do you feel like that kind of, like, made sense for you, or did it make the relationship a little bit rocky?

Ying Gonzalez (11:54)

Honestly, like, I feel like it did make it a little bit rocky at first because I couldn't really understand him. When my mom and my dad separated, like, I feel like I was like, the rock. I kept everybody together, I feel like. And, like, when everything happened, I feel like it really hit my. My brother a lot more. Like, he got affected a lot more by it because I don't feel like he was mentally prepared for everything that had just fucking happened to.

Alan Nice (12:18)

Yeah.

Ying Gonzalez (12:18)

And him, like, he was feeling it. And me, I was more, like, just, like, I didn't care. Like, I would just push my feelings all the way down, and I didn't at the time, Like, I wouldn't really want to acknowledge what was really happening to my family, if that makes sense. Like, so I didn't really care. Like, I wasn't really. Like, I was like, okay, whatever.

Alan Nice (12:34)

Not really ignoring. But it's a thing that we do when we're going through traumatic shit on airplane mode.

Ying Gonzalez (12:39)

Yeah.

Alan Nice (12:40)

We're kind of like, okay, I know shit's going down, but, like, let me try to not think about it, really, like, talk about it as much to. To almost make your mind think you're not going there.

Ying Gonzalez (12:48)

Right. Literally, like, to manipulate yourself to think that, like, you're not hurt, if that makes sense or you're not or that you don't care. Because that's what your brother kind of.

Alan Nice (12:57)

Got harder because, like, he was maybe going through like your parents situation, everything.

Ying Gonzalez (13:01)

Yeah, I lost everything.

Alan Nice (13:02)

With himself.

Ying Gonzalez (13:04)

Yeah. I feel like it was way harder for him. And like, honestly, sometimes I feel guilty because it's like I feel like instead of being like arguing with him and all the time, I could have just like sat there and been like, okay, so, like, we could have just talked about it. But even like when we were little, like, we didn't have that type of relationship, so it was really, like, awkward enough way to like, be like, hey, like, let's talk about our feelings. Like, and yes, I was. When you're with your siblings, you're like, what the? Like, why are you telling me how you feel? Like, or like, you know, stop being a pussy. Literally, Like. But that's how me and my brother got along. So, like, I don't know, it was just kind of weird. And yeah, I feel like that comes.

Alan Nice (13:41)

Along with, like, the way we're raised. You know what I mean? I feel like growing up, like, we're always told by our parents, like, hi estas, like, you're going through, like, shut the up. You really aren't. So I feel like as kids we're like, okay, we can't even really truly feel or like, express how we feel. Like, how am I gonna go ahead and sit down with my brother and have a whole full blown conversation if we've never been taught that way?

Ying Gonzalez (14:03)

Yeah, exactly. And that's what my grandma always says, like, how we grew up. Like, it's like our parents were very, like, together, like lovey daddy to each other, but like, to us, like, they were just more like, Figure it out, Figure it out. Yeah, like, that's how it was. Because my mom was very much more like trying to be always behind my dad instead of really, like, she would take care of us. Don't get me wrong, like, she was a good mom at times, but like, she was really more like, what is your dad like, not really paying much.

Alan Nice (14:42)

Attention to us, that your life changed when you were about 12 years old. You know, your dad cheated on your momento. How things were happening. Was it something you actually saw and lived.

Ying Gonzalez (14:59)

So crazy, like this part of everything. Oh, my God. Okay, So I first found out, because a granite countertop business, that work is very messy. Like, you have to have a whole tayer to like, do the rocks. Like, do everything. Like, obviously, whatever. This is like the peak of my mom and my dad, like, they were like, doing really good. We had A bunch of money. Like we had everything. We had everything you could think of. Like Miyapai. Next day I said I wanted something, I next day he would get it for me. Like, he was really good to us. And it, like I said it was just like a quick ass change. And. And when I found out that my dad was cheating on my mom, it was because. So in the area that my dad had got the granite countertop business or whatever, it was like kind of in the ghetto. It was like on Bethany home and that's like ghetto in Arizona. Like, and there was always like a bunch of crackheads and stuff like that would walk the. The streets or whatever. And basically like there was in my dad's tayer como caviar, a little like share inside the tayer, like homeless and or like, like a girl and a guy. And I don't know if they were together or what, but when my dad bought the tayer, he seen that. And he told it was a girl and a guy, like I was telling you. So he told the girl because he seen that the girl had like social media or whatever. And he told her, like, see my goddess clients, like, I'll. I'll give you a money. And he told the guy, like, the guy, he taught the guy like everything how to do, how to do the rocks, how to cut, how to do everything. And basically he gave them a job. I just remember this one time, like, the girl, like, she was getting really close to my dad. Like, she, like, she would. She would have never ever, ever, ever thought that my dad would be cheating on her ever. When this one specific day that the girl, she had gifted me a dog.

Alan Nice (16:51)

Like you would kind of like frequent.

Ying Gonzalez (16:53)

Thing is that, that when that whole thing that my dad figured out that they were living there, like, I don't really know how they, like when they really first hooked up or anything, but I do know that like my dad had convinced my mom to let the side chick live with us at that time. Yeah, she was already like. And so I just remember, like, it was like so crazy because it was like, like my dad, like, I think at this time they were also. I think my dad started doing drugs the moment that he met or he bought that place because, like, ain't no way that in your head, like, you think that this is right.

Alan Nice (17:30)

Yeah.

Ying Gonzalez (17:31)

You know what I mean? But yeah, basically, like he had moved the side chick in with us and like, we thought that it was just like porque mipasi. Like, because my dad, he never like, he came from nothing like, my dad, straight Mexican, freaking came from nothing and then made himself like, you know what I mean? So the girl had lived with us and when she was living with us, like, my dad kicked me out of my room and made me sleep in the living room because he gave my room to the girl.

Alan Nice (17:59)

How did you take that?

Ying Gonzalez (18:01)

I was little, so I didn't really care. I was like what, 12, 13 maybe? Yeah, or maybe 11, I don't remember. But I was young and I didn't really like, care. But now that I look back at it, I'm like, what the, like gear tripping.

Alan Nice (18:13)

You're like, who the is this?

Ying Gonzalez (18:15)

Yeah. And like my mom, she says always, she always says that, like she didn't agree with that, but it's like, I don't know, like, how are you gonna put my little brother, my older brother and all of us around this random ass who like, you know, could put us in danger, do something to us you don't ever know? Like. But yeah, basically like that had happened and she had gave me a dog and the dog got really sick. It got like parvo or something. And so one night, like my dad is coming home from work and like my dad would give her a ride. Like dad and her would leave in the morning to work and then they would come back. See. But like my mom, like she didn't think much of it because like I said she was so like she would, she did not think that my dad would do that to her. Yeah, she would like never think that. One day when they got home from work, I told my dad, like, my dog needs to go to the vet. Like, so it was me, the side girl and my dad, we all went to the vet. It was like 10 at night and they had got home. And I remember like my big ass lifted ass truck. Like nice ass truck. We go. And I remember like we went and we went, we stopped by to the vet first and then after we went to the vet we got like the stuff for the, for the dog or whatever the medicine. And they went back to the tayer that my dad had and we went back there and by the time we had left the vet it was like what? Like we left like at 10, it was like 12 because it was a 24 hour veterinarian. And I remember we got to the tayer, we got there and remember how I told you there was a shed, huh, bro? My dad left me there for like three hours and they were like, oh, like cuz in the. So you had to go to the qt and my dad left me in the thing and locked the door and left me there for like three hours. Where do you go to go.

Alan Nice (19:59)

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Ying Gonzalez (23:09)

The girl in the car probably or something. Because I remember, yeah, he left me there. And dude, like, I just remember, like, I was like, what the? Like, I was not like, what the. And so I remember like, they came back and then the girl, like, she just looks at me and like she see, like I already knew. Like, I kind of already knew. I didn't have a phone at the time or I think my phone was dead or something. And I asked to use my dad's phone and I know the girl, the side chick, did this on purpose. I asked to see my dad's phone and I'm like looking at my phone and I go like to the. To open his phone. And then it opens, yeah, the plan B. Like to buy a plan B. And I'm like, what the. And I look at my dad and I'm like. And then. And then he's like, like, no quesiso. And then, yeah, like I knew what it was like. Yeah, I was aware as like, you're not. So I remember, like I looked at it and I didn't say nothing at first, but then I like, process that. My dad just left me there for three hours. The car smelled like straight and. And it was just nasty and like, it. I just connected everything. You know what I mean? And like, my heart dropped because it was like, am I gonna betrayed my, like, my mom and not tell her? Because my. When I remember I confronted my dad and he was like the same, like, right, like that moment. And he was like, no, like, So they were already like going through It. And, and I remember like my dad, he was just like, no, no problemas, and this and that.

Alan Nice (24:42)

And I was like making you feel guilty.

Ying Gonzalez (24:43)

Yeah. And making me feel like, okay, like, like maybe I shouldn't because maybe I am tripping and what if I'm tripping and I make my parents break up and. And it wasn't even. And. Or what if my dad hates me or like, what if like something, you know, like what if my dad blames me or something.

Alan Nice (24:56)

Felt like their whole relationship was in your palms.

Ying Gonzalez (24:58)

Yeah.

Alan Nice (24:58)

And you're like, I'm a 12 year old kid, like, what the am I supposed to do?

Ying Gonzalez (25:01)

I was like, what the. And I just remember, like, I didn't say anything that day, but I remember the next morning I did tell my mom and my mom starts tripping out on him after my mom and him were fighting, because I remember them fighting in the morning. Morning. I think like my dad had came to my room and he had just looked at me and he was like super mad. And I was just like. And I just remember like when I came home from school that day, like, like money because I had my bed, you know, and he just like left me and my siblings money there. And I was just like, why would he do that?

Alan Nice (25:36)

Like, like trying to buy you guys maybe.

Ying Gonzalez (25:38)

Yeah, maybe like just trying to buy us. But he, my dad was always like that, that like at his problems and like. So, yeah, that's really how I found out that my dad was cheating on my mom.

Alan Nice (25:49)

That's crazy. The fact that you like were there and you like found out yourself, you know, is crazy. Did your mom leave him afterwards?

Ying Gonzalez (25:57)

No, she stayed with him. But it took my mom a lot to be able to leave him. Like, my mom didn't leave him till like three years later. And so much stuff happened in those.

Alan Nice (26:06)

Two, like before she actually built the.

Ying Gonzalez (26:07)

Courage to leave him, you know, at.

Alan Nice (26:09)

The time means with drugs, you know, poito maze. So do you remember the moment that you were like, oh, like, my dad is a whole completely different person because of the drugs. Did you ever get to see him under the influence?

Ying Gonzalez (26:21)

Yeah, I seen him under the influence like a couple of times. But one of the times that really like made me like think like, damn, this is not my dad anymore was when like he had got deported and he was staying in this little pito in Mexico, like with where his family is from. And I went to go visit him because my mom was living with him at the time. They. When my dad got deported, my mom left with him. And me and my siblings lived with my tia in the Arizona.

Alan Nice (26:48)

Yeah.

Ying Gonzalez (26:48)

And so basically like, I remember going to visit him and I don't know what they were on. And there was like a fence. And I remember just like my dad being like all up, just saying to himself, like, just saying stuff because I was. Yeah. And I just remember like I went inside and then I. I went back outside and then like. And like he. His face was like purple and blue.

Alan Nice (27:33)

Like he was like he was trying.

Ying Gonzalez (27:35)

To kill himself because my mom had left him. Him like that, that day. Like my mom, they had. Were arguing and my mom had left him. She. This is one of the times she attempted to leave him, like, for sure, for good. Because they were like on drugs and stuff. So like my mom had left to Arizona. I had stayed there. And when I seen my dad like that, I just remember like screaming and then. Like dead ass. Like that moment, seeing my dad like that, like, I don't know, like, it. It really like made me think like, damn, like, what the. Like, drugs really do so much to you? And it traumatized my dad. Yeah, it traumatized me a lot. But I'm so grateful that like, I'm not a weak minded person because if I was, I feel like, yo up. Yeah. Like, I would have wanted probably to hurt myself. Seeing my dad and my mom, my whole world crumble, like at once. Like so much that happened. And like, like I said, I'm just so grateful that like I'm. I'm who I am because.

Alan Nice (28:41)

Did your mom follow him with like the drugs?

Ying Gonzalez (28:44)

Yeah, like my mom did. My mom did. Because going back to the girl that my dad cheated on her with, Like.

Alan Nice (28:55)

Yeah.

Ying Gonzalez (28:55)

Yeah. And my mom, like, she was like a. She was not, Not a big girl, but she was like a thicker girl. She had. She had a nice body, you know? And Shera, because she kind of made me felt insecure a little bit.

Alan Nice (29:14)

Yeah.

Ying Gonzalez (29:15)

Because my dad had never ever looked another woman's way in the way the time that she did, like, it was like. Or that he did, it was like my mom felt like, damn, I need to change myself. Or she felt insecure like, like, because that was her first boyfriend. Like her first boyfriend, her first love, her first everything. Like her first kiss. Like, literally, like, she probably felt like.

Alan Nice (29:35)

At the time, you know, I don't know, but this is just me maybe thinking, you know, maybe she felt like as women, you know, you know, try to complacera sus hombres. Right? And like, maybe she's like, oh, maybe if I start doing drugs or, like, start doing what he's doing, maybe we're gonna have maybe another connection. Like, we're gonna bond over this. Maybe.

Ying Gonzalez (29:54)

Yeah. But I feel like that really just fucked up her relationship with me more up. Because, like, there was, like, so many times that, like, she was just, like, up, and I was just like. I would just look at my mom because my mom is a really sweet girl. Like, she's really nice. She's like, you know, like, she's not like that. So, like, for me to remember, like, how she used to be off of that is just like, what the.

Alan Nice (30:18)

Like, you don't know that. Growing up, you were a very, you know, consiente nina, right? Like, you knew that things were happening. You were very aware of your surroundings. And I feel like that comes with, you know, living in chaos. I feel like living in chaos has to, like, makes you grow up quicker. Like, oh, Miami, amor. No.

Ying Gonzalez (30:39)

Like, I was like. Like, I would interrupt the conversations of the adults. I'll be like, put my two cents in. And, like, they'll be like, I used.

Alan Nice (30:54)

To get mad when my freaking mom or my grandma would be like, the cheeseburg, you know? So, you know, you were very young, but still very aware. How did that affect you? You know, seeing your dad go through, you know, what he was going through, seeing your mom go through what she was going through.

Ying Gonzalez (31:16)

Well, honestly, I don't feel like it affected me till I was older because, like, I said, I would block everything out, and not till I was like, I'm 19 now. But I don't think it hit me till I was, like, 15 or 16 years old. Because that's when, like, more stuff in my life was happening, like, to me. And, like, remembering everything that I went through, and plus everything that I was going through, it was just like, I was feeling everything at once.

Alan Nice (31:39)

Like, you felt like, damn, what am I doing to deserve this shitty life?

Ying Gonzalez (31:43)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Literally, like, that's how I felt. And like, just like, of a bunch. Bunch. Like I said, a bunch of other stuff I was going through. And I felt like. I don't know, like, I felt like I didn't have a family in a way, because growing up, like, our parents, they didn't really have family in Arizona, so I didn't really talk to any family besides when we would go to Mexico or like, when they would visit. But all I had was my parents. And when I didn't have my parents, like, I felt like I didn't have nobody. My little brother, he was a baby. And like, I had to literally raise my brother. So like, it was like I was by myself. It was just me and my little brother, like all the time. Yeah. Like when everything happened, my dad got deported. My older brother, he got sent to a mental hospital and he lived there for like two years. So it was just like everything that happened to us. That's why I say, like, it hit him way harder because of. I don't know, like, I just think it hit him way harder because it him up mentally like a lot.

Alan Nice (32:33)

And he was also older than you.

Ying Gonzalez (32:35)

Yeah.

Alan Nice (32:35)

So I'm sure he like saw more things and understood things when they were actually happening.

Ying Gonzalez (32:40)

No, I don't think. I don't think it was that because. Because now, like my brother, I really do think that everything that we went through him up more. Not even to sound like that. But like before, he. He was way different. Like now, like, I don't know what it's called, I'm not sure, but he got diagnosed with. I don't know if it's a disability or what it is, but he. And. And so mente k. He's younger and he acts younger, but he's older.

Alan Nice (33:06)

Like autism?

Ying Gonzalez (33:07)

Yeah. Yeah, I think he has autism, but I think everything that, that we went through, like, like caused.

Alan Nice (33:13)

Yeah, that.

Ying Gonzalez (33:14)

I don't know if that is possible or something, but when we were younger and no, he was like, like, just like me. But he like changed so much when we went through all of that. So that's why I say, like, sometimes I feel guilty because I feel like if maybe like if I had a closer relationship with him or like if I was to talk to him more about like how we felt or our parents, like, maybe he wouldn't have. Have held everything in like he did and like the outcome would have been different.

Alan Nice (33:43)

Maybe like you felt you could have been there for him and things would have been different, right?

Ying Gonzalez (33:47)

Yeah, definitely. That's. Yeah, that's how I felt.

Alan Nice (33:50)

How was it like, you know, Right. What was that like, you know, going from being daddy's girl, from being everything handed to you to now being like o.

Ying Gonzalez (34:12)

Well, honestly, like a big shout out to Mya because like she did her. Like she like, she like. Cuz also, like when we were going through all of that, like I was not going to school, like, I didn't. I would like skip school. I would go with my friends and stuff. Like so when I lived with my aunt and I was doing online school, so it was like I was home 24 7. Do your homework, clean the House. And, like, me, like, I was not used to none of that. Like, I was like. Like my mom. No, not even to sound like that. And, like, out of nowhere, like, I was doing all these things that I usually wouldn't be doing. But, yeah, like, I'm really glad that my childhood. I guess when my dia was raising me, it was really good because she. She doesn't have any kids. She doesn't have any kids. It's by herself. She lives by herself at the house. Like, we. We live together. But, like, she knows what she's doing. Like, she. She really, like, made me who I molded me, I guess you could say.

Alan Nice (35:16)

Did you ever rebel out to her?

Ying Gonzalez (35:17)

Like, yeah.

Alan Nice (35:20)

I said, how was that for you? Yeah, because I feel like that's normal.

Ying Gonzalez (35:22)

As kids, you know, I did rebel out. I even ran. Like, I didn't run away, but, like, we would just have so many problems. Like, she would kick me out or I would leave, or it was just, like, so much stuff. Like. And it got to a point where, like, one time I left. Left in for, like, two, two, three.

Alan Nice (35:36)

Years, which we'll get on to that because there is a whole, you know, story to that. I want to go a little bit to, you know, your mom coming back. Pasas por munchas. You know, you almost have to grow up by yourself and almost have to, like, defender Portuma, find a way out in life, you know, to mama sober, you know, como la noticia. What was it like? Metabes. After not being with her for so many years, what was that relationship like at the beginning?

Ying Gonzalez (36:09)

At first, I was really excited because it's my mom. Like, I'm finally gonna be with her, live with her. She's gonna get clean, like, you know, like, all of this stuff.

Alan Nice (36:18)

So she didn't come clean? She was.

Ying Gonzalez (36:19)

No, she came trying to get clean, but when she had ended up coming back, she went to a rehab and she stayed there. She lived there for, like, I don't know how long the treatment is, but she lived there for a while. And, like, when she got out, like, I don't know, Like, I feel like when she got out, I would, like, really, like, be, like, really mean to her because.

Alan Nice (36:39)

Resentment.

Ying Gonzalez (36:39)

Yeah. And, like, I would be super up. Like, it makes me sad sometimes because. But, like, I understand why. Because I was super mad. I was super mad that I felt like I got left with everything. Like. Like my older brother and soon own his own show. Like, he didn't really know my little brother. He's a baby. I'm raising him he doesn't know, and I'm not about to let him know what we're going through. Like, for him, he was raised super good. Like, I made sure and my TM made sure that he had a good life, that he had a childhood, because I wanted to make sure that he didn't go or see any of the up that I seen.

Alan Nice (37:16)

Yeah.

Ying Gonzalez (37:17)

Because it makes you, like, when you're older, it makes you, like, you think about and you're like, do you feel.

Alan Nice (37:23)

Like as an adult. Because, you know, obviously, I can't relate in that aspect, but, you know, as humans, we all go through trauma, and I'm very much like, you were like, you know, I went through so much traumatic as a child, and I feel like, as. As an adult, you know, I kind of, like, push it away, push it away, push it away. But momento where you're like, you can't push that away. Like, you have to face your traumas. Do you feel like you've had moments like that?

Ying Gonzalez (37:45)

Yeah, definitely. But now that I'm more older and more mature, I feel like I know how to deal with it and cope with it.

Alan Nice (37:52)

Guesses.

Ying Gonzalez (37:53)

It really depends the situation. But, like, if I'm stressed out or anything, like, lately, honestly, I've been getting really close to God. Like. Like, I just pray, like, whenever I'm stressed out or something. Like, I even sometimes cry when I pray because I feel like, so, like, how do you say? Like, connected.

Alan Nice (38:09)

Yeah.

Ying Gonzalez (38:10)

And honestly, like, a lot of people, like, hate on me and stuff because I have a Santa Muerte tattoo on my back. But a lot of people hate on me and stuff because of that. But it's like, you can't judge nobody for what they have or anything because God forgives everybody. Like, God, like, you know what I mean? Like, exactly. Yeah. That's why I say, like, honest, I don't care what anybody says about me because I know my heart and I know that I'm getting closer to God and God knows and only me. And God knows what I've been through and what my intentions are.

Alan Nice (38:46)

And only God can judge me.

Ying Gonzalez (38:47)

Yeah. Literally, only God can judge me. So I don't really. I don't really.

Alan Nice (38:51)

Like, how's your relationship with your mom now? Do you feel like you guys have, you know, gotten better? And if so, what was that journey like? Like, what did you have to, you know, heal? What did you have to forget to be able to let her back into your life?

Ying Gonzalez (39:05)

Honestly, with my mom, like, sometimes I feel really bad for how I used to Treat her. But now we're really good. Like, we're healthy. We have a healthy relationship. We. I feel like now it's. We can get along because we don't live together, and we have our house and she has her house, and we have time to miss each other, and we're not. I'm not with her, like, 24. Seven on the andamos.

Alan Nice (39:32)

Con gusto.

Ying Gonzalez (39:33)

Yeah. Like. Like, oh, like, how are you doing? Like, I missed you. Like, the kids, like, because the kids live with her now.

Alan Nice (39:38)

Okay.

Ying Gonzalez (39:38)

So at my house, it's just me and my tia. Like, nobody lives with us. It's just us or me, my cousin, and my. Yeah.

Alan Nice (39:45)

Did you feel like you ever had to, like, sit her down and be like, look, Mom, I've built up all this resentment, all these emotions over the years. Did you ever have, like, a conversation with her?

Ying Gonzalez (40:00)

Not in, like, in person, but, like, through text. Yeah. Like, when I didn't live with her, I would go off on her because it would. I would be like. Like, damn, like, you did all this to me, and, like, now I'm up because of this, and, like, I can't forget that you did this and this and this. Like, just so much, but now. And she would tell me. She would be like, like, I'm sorry. Like, this and that. Like, I understand. Like, you're my daughter. Like, I love you and this and that, but I didn't really, like, care because my heart was hurt so bad that it was like, if. If I don't care. If you don't care, then I don't give a. Like, yeah, if you don't care, then I don't give a. Like, that's over something that I can't control. Like, it was always, like, my mom was gonna come back. My mom was gonna come back. Like, she's gonna get clean and this and that. For my dad, I had lost hope already. Like. Like, my dad. Like, it sounds bad, but, like, my dad, like, when they moved to Mexico, like, my mom and my dad's relationship got super bad, too, and he would, like, hit her and stuff. Like, all this stuff, and, like, I would get mad at my mom because I would be like, why do you stay with him?

Sponsor/Ad Voice (40:59)

Him.

Ying Gonzalez (41:00)

Why do you stay with him? Like, you have your kids over here. Like, why do you do that? Like, if you come, like, he's gonna probably, like, get. Want to get better. Like, just a bunch of stuff that I thought in my head that would make the situation better, but it was just, like, I couldn't control it. So yeah, I couldn't do anything about it.

Alan Nice (41:17)

How's your relationship with your dad now? Do you feel like you guys have got into a better situation or is it rocky still?

Ying Gonzalez (41:23)

Well, when my dad. I don't really talk to him like that, honestly. When my mom had left him, he had faked his death for years. So I thought he was dead and I was grieving him for a long time because it's more like stuff that was put into it, but I don't really want to talk about it. But he had faked his death and like for the longest he, he. I thought he was dead. There was like signs of everything that he was dead. Like literally faked his death to the perfect. And like then out of nowhere, like, like out of nowhere, he was like. I was like, what the. Oh. Like, I thought it was like fake. I thought it was like somebody that doesn't like him. No, I thought it was somebody that didn't like him. Like people that didn't like him that would do weird like that. I don't know. Like, I was just like, what the. And I remember I caught him and I. He was like, I. I heard his voice. Voice and I knew it was him. I was like, what the? Like, like, like what the.

Alan Nice (42:26)

Was that like a hard like phone call for you? Because like all these years he was dead and then you're like, what the hell? You're alive.

Ying Gonzalez (42:31)

Well, I remember that that morning because that morning I remember like I had woke up and. And I was like freaking out. Like I was freaking the out because I was like, what the. I had woke up first cuz I was with my ex at the time and I was living with him and we had woke up or I had woke up first and then I'm like on freaking out and then he's like, what? Like what what? What? And I'm like, it's my dad. Like it's my dad. Like, and I just remember like, like, I don't know, like I was crying, I was freaking out and like really the only thing that was like calming me down was like just like being in the environment where I felt safe in.

Alan Nice (43:07)

Yeah.

Ying Gonzalez (43:07)

And when he had called me, he was just like. I said like, like, okay. And I was like, what?

Alan Nice (43:17)

I have not heard of you yet.

Ying Gonzalez (43:18)

Like, what do you mean? Like, like the. Are you talking about? Like, I don't know. I was just like, what the is going on?

Alan Nice (43:26)

Do you feel like after that call your guys's relationship started battering? Like, do you guys talk to this day like Frequently? Or is it kind of like.

Ying Gonzalez (43:33)

No, I feel like it to this day. Like, he calls once in a while. He. Them. He. The drugs him up so bad.

Sponsor/Ad Voice (43:45)

Them?

Ying Gonzalez (43:45)

Yeah, like, he's not the same person he used to be. Because, like, you know how drugs you up and like, in your mind, like, they up your mind. Like, that's what they did to my dad. Like, They get like.

Alan Nice (44:02)

I feel like drugs also turn people schizophrenic too, where they start imagining stuff.

Ying Gonzalez (44:11)

Guess. Like, and that's not. He always says that. And it's like, dude, like, I don't like talking to my dad when he's like that because it makes me, like, get PTSD of everything. It makes me, like, remember, like, when he was on that fence. It makes me remember, like, a bunch of, like, one time, like, he was even tripping out when. Like, when we all live together at the house. Like, one time he was tripping off. Tripping out off drugs. And we had a big ass palm tree in our front. You know how he had, like, his granite countertop. He had got one of his, like, chainsaw thingies. And, like, he tried to, like, put it in his trunk and he tried to. Like, I don't know what he tried to do, but, like, he thought like, something was under the tree, like, Gabby or like he was tripping. Like he was getting spied on. Yeah, like, he was like, like in his head. Like, he. And then I remember, like, he was like, tripping on my mom. Like, he was, like, being super aggressive. Like, like trying to. Like, I remember, like, that same night, like, he was, like, trying to move us out the way. Like, he was, like, pushing all of us and stuff. Like, it was so crazy. Like, like, that also was one of the times where I was like, what the fuck? Like, this is not my dad. Like, yeah, he's crazy.

Alan Nice (45:16)

Do you feel like now would you want, like, a relationship with your dad or do you feel like at this point in your life you're, like, very at peace with that relationship?

Ying Gonzalez (45:24)

Me and my dad would never be able to get to the relationship that we used to be or that we used to have because he has put all of me and my family through a. A bunch of stuff that is just, like, so unforgivable. Like, how are you gonna have another woman in our house and, like, disrespect my mom like that? Like, or, like, how are you gonna kick me out of my room to have another woman sleep in there? Or how are you so comfortable with doing these drugs and you knowing that you have kids. And, like, also, like, it make. It kind of used to make me feel like, do you not love us enough? Yeah, you know what I mean?

Alan Nice (45:55)

Did you ever felt like you were the problem? Not like that, but, like, I feel like, like, as kids, you know, we always. No school. Palm was like, oh, why doesn't my parent love me? He's acting like this because. Did you ever have that?

Ying Gonzalez (46:06)

I would sometimes. But like I said, I was, like, smart, so I was like, I knew that. But sometimes I would feel guilty because it's like, damn. Like, oh, when I was a kid and I was in elementary school, like, and my friends would be like, oh, yeah, like, I'm gonna go to my mom's house. I'm gonna go to my dad's house. House. Like, I would have never, ever thought that my parents would be, like, separated. Like, because I would be like, damn, my parents are going to be together forever.

Alan Nice (46:32)

Yeah.

Ying Gonzalez (46:32)

Like, my parents, they're not gonna separate. Like, you know, until, like, that really happened to me. And it was like, damn. Like, my dad really up. Like, he up. But I'm so glad that everything played out the way it did because, like, I'm like. Like, I take care of my family. Like, I take, like, I take care of the people that I love. So I'm happy. I take care of myself. Like, my circle is very small. So, like.

Alan Nice (46:57)

And I love that because I feel like, you know, it's very easy for you to see that and then also fall in those steps. And the fact that you're like, no, you know what? This is not okay. I don't want this for my future. Quiero mas. And you're like, you know what? I'm gonna grind my ass off to live a better life than what my parents were able to provide me. Says a lot about you. Did that affect your school life? Going through all that at home? Do you feel like it almost made you, like, disenfocusate yourself from school?

Ying Gonzalez (47:24)

Yeah.

Alan Nice (47:25)

Is that a word? Disfocusate?

Ying Gonzalez (47:26)

No, I think.

Alan Nice (47:30)

Because you're so going through so much at home.

Ying Gonzalez (47:32)

No, see, like, I felt really behind in school. Like, I think from, like, I finished, like, eighth grade and then going into high school, from freshman year to senior year here. Like, I felt behind us so bad, dude. Like, it was so bad I fell behind. I think I, like, even felt like freaking sophomore year because I would not go, like, at all. Like, I didn't do. But I had ended up when I was, like, when I had moved out of the place that I was living at and moved and moved back into my parents or to my Thea's house. I got my together. I finished school on Primavera. Like I. I'm really proud of myself because I did die. Not a lot of people can do that at such a young age. And like going through everything that I've been through, like, I really like did that. Like, I don't know.

Alan Nice (48:16)

And I think you should give yourself a pat in the back.

Ying Gonzalez (48:20)

No.

Alan Nice (48:20)

Because I feel like it is very easy. I feel like as kids when we're going through so much, this is not real life. Like I have real problems at home, like girl school. Like I don't even go. You know what I mean?

Ying Gonzalez (48:32)

That's how I literally felt. Because it was like, like why I don't get like the teacher like complaining about this homework. My parents are like out here like doing this crazy ass. Like I don't give what nothing you're talking about. Like I'm going to go home and like chill.

Alan Nice (48:45)

Like I'm going go home and this is not going to matter because my parents are doing drugs at home.

Ying Gonzalez (48:49)

Yeah.

Alan Nice (48:49)

Like as bad as it sounds.

Ying Gonzalez (48:50)

So I don't care. Like I did as like it's so up to, to say and think. But like when my parents started doing drugs, I kind of felt like. Like I lost my parents because it was like, you're not even you anymore. And when they would be like those pendejitos off the drugs and like, like, honestly, like they would be acting so weird or like they would try to. They would act so weird that they would try to act so sober. But they would just end up like. I don't know how to explain, like the biggest thing, They were watching us or something. You know, like he was so paranoid about that. And. And one time, like even like one time I remember like. But so going back to the question you asking me, like if I would forgive my dad and have a relationship with him. Yeah. I talk to him once in a while because I don't want. I know what it felt like to. To feel like I like my dad died. So I don't want to end up on bad terms with him him if anything ever does happen. That's why I am cordial with him. But like as far as like having a relationship with him. No, because I remember one time like even off, like when he was off of that. I didn't go to school for like a week because like it was so bad. And I. And I remember like when my dad's high went Down. He was like. He came into my room and he started crying and he was. And he just gave me money and he was like, I'm so sorry. Like, like, it's gonna. And he would. He was like, like, if it was a you. Yeah, like, if it was my fault. And. And like, now that I look back at it, it's like, dude, like, you're a grown ass man. Like, you're grown ass man. And see, like, you can like, like chunkless at your are your kids. But, like, the way he beat her up, it was only me too. It wasn't my siblings and it wasn't my older brother. Like, it was me, like, always. I would always take the, like, the beatings for my siblings. If my dad was like, trying to fuck with my older brother or sister at the time because she was so quiet and I would. And like, yeah, like, me and my brother did not get along. But even at school, like, I defended him. Like, I would not let. No only I could fuck with him type of shit. Nobody else could fuck with him at the time. But you're like no one else. Alpha crush. But you can't fuck him up like that. It's my sibling, you know? So, like, yeah, I would always just do a bunch of shit. And like, my dad doing that shit to me, it was just like, I don't know, like, I'll never forget that kind of stuff that he did to me like that. Yeah, I met much, but it made me who I am. But I feel like it gave me a lot of character development too. Like. Like, I don't know.

Alan Nice (51:38)

But I feel like that's the thing with us that we go through trauma. It's like, it's a good. When you grow because when you're going through it, you feel like your life is fucking.

Ying Gonzalez (51:46)

Yeah.

Alan Nice (51:46)

Crumbling down. You feel like, oh, life's never gonna get better. But I feel like once you grow up and you feel like, you know what, Whatever I do in this life is gonna be now what's gonna be my life, you know, over your life. Because as kids, you're like, well, whatever your parents say goes.

Ying Gonzalez (52:04)

Yeah.

Alan Nice (52:04)

You know, when you're able to really shape your life, how you want to shape it, how you want to live it, that's when you really start being like, you know what? Whatever I went through really did. Just built me up to be this badass that I am now.

Ying Gonzalez (52:15)

That's why I go back to what I said. Like, I'm so grateful that I went through everything I did because, you know, like, what would I be doing? Who would I be? How would I be acting? Like, I don't know, like, because before I was so, like, I don't know, childish. I was immature, but I was a kid. But now I feel very different. I feel like a grown ass woman. Like, period.

Alan Nice (52:37)

I love it. What piece of advice can you give anyone watching at home that is maybe going through something similar than you or has gone through something similar and hasn't healed? What piece of advice can you give them now knowing that things do get better?

Ying Gonzalez (52:49)

Piece of advice I could give you guys is honestly, like, I know this is going to sound, this is not what you guys want to hear, but literally I wish somebody would have told me this and got me closer to God before, but just pray on it because literally all you could do is pray. Pray on anything that's going on in your life. Like ever since I started praying, like my life has been amazing. Like if you are going through something that you think that you're not gonna get through, trust me, you are like it, it's probably gonna be super hard, but like, probably like from a year from now, like grind your ass off, chase your dreams and chase what you want to do because the hard work will pay off. And, and no matter what anybody fucking tells you, fuck them. Like, fuck the haters. Like, fuck what anybody has to say about you. Like, you're that bitch. Like, like, who cares?

Alan Nice (53:39)

Like, my piece of advice, you guys is if you are still young and you live in that environment, just know that that doesn't need to be your life forever.

Ying Gonzalez (53:48)

Exactly.

Alan Nice (53:48)

You know what I mean? I feel like sometimes when we're young, you know, for X, Y and Z reasons, for X, Y and Z years, you know, even if when you're 18, as long as longest in el mismo chaos that you're living in and you have it presented. No way. Miro este chaos. I'm aware of the life I live, but this is not the life I want for me forever.

Ying Gonzalez (54:11)

Yeah, you wear it perfectly. Like that's literally how I felt. Like I knew, like when I was going through all of that. There's a chiquita style. Like even when I did have my. Both of my parents said, like who I am now, I knew what I was gonna do, I knew how I was going to be. Like I knew everything about myself before I was even it. Like I kind of manifested it for myself. See, like. If that makes sense, because it does. I just feel like I genuinely like lost myself for a moment when I was going through all of that stuff. But when I finally, like, realized, like, I'm not going to be my parents, I'm not going to get into drugs. Like, I've seen what you drugs do, and I have friends that like that, like, you know, they smoke, they drink, or, like, even, like, other stuff. But, like, I don't be around that anymore. Like, I just be chilling. Like, I. I don't really care. Like, it's. It is what it is. I live my life. Like, I'm.

Alan Nice (55:11)

I love that. I feel like we have the power to live the life we want to live, and it's just up to us, because like, you said, you could literally, you could have been a bagabunda. You could have ended up in the same steps as your parents, and then later on, you could have had the excuse of, like, oh, this is all I know, but you're like, no, this is what I know, but I. I'm taking that, and I'm gonna be like, that's not what I'm gonna be.

Ying Gonzalez (55:32)

Exactly. And, yeah, like.

Alan Nice (55:37)

And I'm that big.

Ying Gonzalez (55:37)

And I'm that big. What do they be saying? Like. Like, what do they say? They'd be like, what do they say in Spanish? What's that word?

Alan Nice (55:55)

I feel like one thing I've learned as I've gotten older, because I feel like when I was younger, I used to be like, oh, well, I went through this. So, like, I can be this way. And it's like, if you don't be like, you know what? I lived through that. I went through that. But that's not who I am. That's not who I want to be. Be. You'll never be the best version of yourself, because then you'll be stuck telling yourself, like, oh, it's okay to act the way you act out because you went through this. You're the driver of your life.

Ying Gonzalez (56:24)

You choose where your destination is.

Alan Nice (56:26)

Exactly. You're your. You're your GPS babes. Aristotle crazy. We're spitting bars right now, girl.

Ying Gonzalez (56:37)

We are. We're saying some real ass.

Alan Nice (56:39)

Like, it's real, though. And I feel like this is why I love the podcast, because, like, like you said, maybe people talk on you, but don't know everything that you've gone through to get to where you are right now, To be able to be here, even just sitting down with us today. And I feel like that's why I love the podcast, because it really does give the audience, like, a different light of my guest. Because you're the pull of it. Online drama can be like, oh, I think I know know you. But then I sit down and I'm like, wait.

Ying Gonzalez (57:11)

All people know about me is what they see on social media. But they don't really know me. They don't know what I've been through. They don't know the. That I know. They don't know anything really about me, only what I let them see. And I don't. Like, I don't care about what people say about me. So it's like, how are they gonna really know what I am? Who I am, what I do, what I've been through? Like, exactly.

Alan Nice (57:31)

Jack Daniels is proudly served in fine establishments. Question, questionable joints and everywhere in between. So no matter where you go in every bar, you'll always know someone by name. Jack.

Ying Gonzalez (57:45)

Jack and Coke. Shot of Jack. Jack Daniels, please.

Alan Nice (57:49)

Right away.

Ying Gonzalez (57:49)

That's what makes Jack.

Alan Nice (57:51)

Jack.

Ying Gonzalez (57:52)

Please drink responsibly. Responsibility.org Jack Daniels and old number seven are registered trademarks. Tennessee whiskey, 40% alcohol by volume. Jack Daniel Distillery, Lynchburg, Tennessee. We find Vecna. We end this once and for all, together. On December 25th. We have a plan. It's a bit insane. Everyone in. He knows where we are. Watch out.

Alan Nice (58:13)

Get ready for one last adventure. We stay true to ourselves, stay true to our friends. No matter the cost. Found you.

Ying Gonzalez (58:25)

Stranger Things Season 5, Volume 2 begins.

Alan Nice (58:28)

December 25th only on Netflix. Coca Cola for the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers for the optimists, Pessimists for long distance love for introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers for old friends and new Coca Cola for everyone.

Ying Gonzalez (58:58)

Pick up some Coca Cola at a store near you.

Alan Nice (59:02)

During those teen years, you also got in a relationship that later turned toxic. But before we get to that Persona, who made the first move? And what was the beginning of the relationship like? Was it toxic off the bat? Was it healthy? And then it got toxic.

Ying Gonzalez (59:24)

We met at a party at an Addie. And then, I don't know, like, we. I think we had already had each other on social media, but we had seen each other at a party. I was so up that day, dude. I remember I was so. So that was the first. The first ever night I went to a party is the first night that I met him. So it was just like, what the? And I remember, like, I remember I was seeing him and I was so faded. And I was just like, what the? But, like, I didn't really pay much attention to it. And I just remember, like, him, like, he texted me and he had texted me, like, or no. Out of nowhere, he was. He called me, like, out of nowhere on Instagram. He was like, where you at? What are you doing? I was like, what the. I never even talked to you. Like, what the. You mean where I'm at? Where I'm doing? I'm like, I'm at my house. Why?

Alan Nice (60:12)

You're like, literally?

Ying Gonzalez (60:14)

No. Yeah, but then, yeah, we just were friends and stuff. I. I think the first ever night that he had texted me, he had came to my house or he, like, pulled up on me, like, and then we were just chilling outside, smoking. He was my plug at first that.

Alan Nice (60:27)

During that time, you know, when you lived with. It got to a point that you left her house and you lived with someone else for three years. This person that you lived with, you know, loconosis through that Persona that you ended up living with. With three years. What was the relationship like? And do you feel like when you and your, you know, boyfriend at the time were having a rocky situation, do you feel like things got rocky with that person, too?

Ying Gonzalez (60:55)

I met her because of him. There was this one time, like, this situation that I had got roofied and he went to go pick me up, and it was. I don't know. I don't really remember much because I was, like, roofied, obviously. Like, I was up, like, props to him because, like, I don't know what I would have done if he didn't go pick me up and go get me. But I met her because that night that that happened to me, I was obviously, like, I was not living with my aunt. I was staying with my friend. But I was so up and, like, he didn't know where I was take me where to take me. So he had ended up taking me to his cousin's house, but later on I found out that they were not cousins, but I had ended up, like, living with her. Like I said, like, he dropped me off there. I stayed there forever.

Alan Nice (61:46)

She's probably like, baby was just one night.

Ying Gonzalez (61:50)

No. But, yeah, that had happened. I ended up living with her for, like, a long time. Me and her. Her got super, super close.

Alan Nice (61:56)

Like sisters.

Ying Gonzalez (61:56)

She was my sister. Like, honestly, like, later on, like, Like, I'll explain more, but, like, it hurt. A lot of the hurt that I went through was because I feel like of her, because she was like, the only person that I really had. Like, her and her mom. Like, honestly, I'm really grateful for them because they gave me a family, they gave me a roof, they fed me. Like, they did a lot of stuff for Me. But she also did a lot of to me me. Like. And I feel like it was so up what she did towards the end because there was like a time where like I said like this girl and my ex, they were like, they were friends, they were really close. Like they would call each other cousins. Like and I, for the longest time I thought they were cousins. When I found out that they were not cousins, it was because he had like led a high speed chase to our house. House. I remember like that night his mom had came to the house because obviously he let the high speed chase to the house. Like I remember like that day I had asked because I had kind of had suspicions because I would ask the girl's mom like, oh, like cuz my ex, he would kind of like when we would be fighting, like he would sometimes like throw it in my face. Like, oh, like I gave you a place to stay. Like I gave you, I gave you a roof over your head. Like what? Like throwing in my face. And I would like sometimes Melolia, I would sit there and talk about it with her. Mom, Mom. And she would be like, they're not cousins. They're not cousins. What is he talking about? And I'll be like, what the. And I'll be like, what do you mean? And then like I would ask the girl and then she'll be like, no, like yeah, we're cousins.

Alan Nice (63:28)

Like my mom's tripping.

Ying Gonzalez (63:29)

Yeah, like my mom's tripping. Like oh, like from my dad's side. I like trusted her so much that I would just make manipulate myself into thinking that like oh, I'm tripping. Like I'm tripping. Like what? And like in all reality I felt like also like what could I have even done because I was living with her. Like I, I didn't have nobody. Like even if she was lying to me, what am I gonna do? Like where am I gonna go be mad at her for five minutes and.

Alan Nice (63:55)

Like, like I'm back.

Ying Gonzalez (63:56)

I'm back. Yeah, literally like. And so that happened and I don't know, like our relate minds in that girl's relationship really like started being rocky towards the end when me and my eggs started being rocky. Because there was, there was like two times where I don't know what was wrong with her or what, why she did this to me, but she had like, but she knew everything that he would put me through and do to me and she like would still take his side kind of in a way. And like to me it was like, okay, like that was your Friend at first. But, like, if I'm living with you and you're saying I'm your sister and, like, her and him would beef it. Like, they would be beefing it. Like, there was even a point where he wasn't even allowed to come to our house because it was like, he would be crazy. Like, just do crazy, you know, it got to a point where, like, she did, like, some worship to me. Like, she told him my business. Like, she told him, like, about these guys that I was with when me and him were not together.

Alan Nice (64:48)

Yeah.

Ying Gonzalez (64:49)

And, like, obviously find it in her. Like, yeah, and obviously, like, he would tripping out. Like, I didn't. I lied to him about it. I shouldn't have lied about it. But you're my friend. Like, you're. What's wrong with you? Why are you doing that? And I remember that, like, asking her, like, like, oh, like this and that. And she was still, like, there for me. Like, she would, like, she was like, acting like she didn't know. Like, you know, like, as if she didn't tell him. Yeah. But, like, and then that was just the first time. And then the second time when she did that to me, like, everything changed for me again because it was like, when she did that, she had, like, when she had told him, like, oh, like, this and that. Like, next day, he, like, texted me and he was just like, bro, I.

Alan Nice (65:30)

Can remember the message.

Ying Gonzalez (65:33)

He was so mad, but it was so up because it was like, girl, you know, he did way was he. I feel like he did a lot weight worse to me.

Alan Nice (65:41)

Yeah.

Ying Gonzalez (65:41)

Because he, like, my life, not my life up. He did a lot of good things for me, too. But, like, mentally, like, he me up. It was so toxic. And her, like, her doing that is what. That. That really hurt me more than the whole breakup and everything because she was like my sister. And in a way, like, when everything happened, I felt like everybody left me. Me. Like, everybody left me and they expected me not to be without them.

Alan Nice (66:04)

And look at you now. You're thriving, though.

Ying Gonzalez (66:07)

And. Yeah, I'm thriving. But sometimes it does make me sad because it was. It's like, damn. Like, why couldn't you guys be kind of, like, real in a way? I don't know. Sometimes, like, honestly, I still wish that, like, I was, like, friends with the people that I used to be friends with, but it's like, they don't even deserve to be around me or know me or know the person that I am now. So that. But, like, like, it's like, damn, like, but you could have been, like, with me right now. And like, I don't know. Like, it's just like, when you guys.

Alan Nice (66:33)

Broke up, did you. Did you stop living with her?

Ying Gonzalez (66:35)

No, we were still, like, kind of like me and him were still trying to get back together. But when she had to kick me out, it was like some dumbass reason, like, some dumb ass. And it was like, because when me and my ex were broken up, she had put me on with some guy, her and her homeboy. And like, she. Me and her used to both talk to this guy when we were younger, but on the el Castle, like, he was in jail. Like, yeah, I didn't give a about him. Like, not like I was gonna see or anything. Like, you know what I mean? But yeah, like, she had got mad that I was talking to him, and I was just like, girl, you put me on with him. Like, why are you mad? Like, and it's like, he's in jail. Get what I said? And I don't know. Like, she got mad and she used. I feel like she just wanted an excuse or something. Maybe she was getting tired of me. I don't know. Like. But honestly, like, I understand. Like, I wasn't doing back then. Like, you know, but it's still, like, you could have went about it away. I feel like we were super close to the point where I felt. Felt like she could have went about it like, a completely different way. Like, she could have let me know. Like, because how I was with her. I was so straight up with her. Like, I felt this. Like, if I felt something or like, if I thought something, like, I would just tell her because I felt like we were so close to the point where, like, okay, we could talk about and we don't have to argue. Like, that's how I'm with all my friends.

Alan Nice (67:45)

Do you feel like towards the end, you almost felt like arimada towards the end, like, kind of like, oh, my God, I'm here, but I feel like they don't want me here.

Ying Gonzalez (67:55)

Yeah, like, that's how I felt.

Alan Nice (67:56)

But.

Ying Gonzalez (67:56)

But like I said, like, I felt like they could have just told me. Like, I. Yeah, communication goes a long way, and they could have just told me. And like, when all of that happened to me, like, it. It really it me mucho. Like, I had even went to a me. I remember a little, like, sidetracked. But I had went to the mental hospital because I really, like, when my. When my ex wanted to leave me, like, I did. I was like. Was going crazy. Like, I was like, no, like like no, no, no, no. And if you're going to leave me, like I'm gonna die like dead ass. Like I was like tripping. I remember I had went to the mental hospital and I had called him when I was in there and like even like after all the up that he had did to me, like, I don't even have to say because like toxic both ways. Yeah. But definitely like I was toxic towards him too. Like I would. I did. I'm not like, you know what I mean? But the that he did to me was od. Like I remember when I was in there and he like, like I called him and he just like I was like, oh, like I'm in here. Like I thought that he was going to be there for me in a way because after all the that, all the up ass that he did to me and I was there for him and I took him back and I did this and that and he just. When I called him and I was in there, like he kind of like just like not like threw it in my face in a way, I guess. And like just like said like, like leave me alone. Like you like just like the best. Like he like told me up that like. And it was just like damn. Like. And I like in my mind that day, like even like two months, three months probably after that, like I was, I was like thinking about him like every day and like I would just like damn. Like how could you say some like that to me after we like live together? After we did all of this together? Like three.

Alan Nice (69:48)

Oh yeah. So it's like you even were like, like you were supposed to be the love of my life.

Ying Gonzalez (69:52)

Yeah. But honestly, like I'm so glad that like now like I respect him and stuff. But like I would not get back with him ever again because it's just like, dude, like you have had all these times to like apologize. I guess. And I guess like I used to wait for an apology. I used to wait and I used to be like, oh, like maybe he's gonna apologize and this and that.

Alan Nice (70:14)

Maybe he'll feel bad.

Ying Gonzalez (70:15)

Yeah. But no, and honestly, like I don't even care anymore because it's like, Like I have somebody else. So like I feel like now like I'm just like I don't really care about him like that anymore, if that makes sense. But like he still has a place in my heart. Like, like obviously he was a. He took care of me, he fed me, he put food in my mouth. Like I will forever respect him. But in a different Way for anyone watching at home.

Alan Nice (70:42)

What piece of advice would you give anyone who is currently going through a breakup, who is currently feeling like, oh my God, I have this person that makes me feel saf safe. I have this person that I feel like is gonna be the love of my life, but then they break up and they feel like maybe won't get better. What piece of advice can you give them?

Ying Gonzalez (70:59)

I would just say, like, if you're going through a breakup right now and you need to like, the some advice and probably just focus on yourself. Like, focus on you. Focus on what you want to be. And like, what I did, at least I've just pretended like I didn't need him. Like, I. I try to cut that whole part of my life out and just focus on my work myself. Like, my looks like gym, eat, sleep, gym, work. Like that's all I do now. Like, I don't. I and like, see my. My man once in a while, but, like, you know, that's it.

Alan Nice (71:34)

And I feel like that is that I feel like for. Especially because you guys probably met so young, I feel. And you're like, no memor out there for you. It's okay. You live this. And you were taking it more like a life lesson. Like, you know what? I don't hate him, don't care for him, respect him, but it's like, let him do his life. I'm doing mine, you know? You know, we have mentorida te vemos all over social media. You know, I see you getting clipped all the time, but it wasn't always that way. Sociales. What made you be like, you know what? Me gusta al pedo hued rami camarita mela gravar y chingue somare quesado.

Sponsor/Ad Voice (72:11)

Qu?

Alan Nice (72:11)

10 how did that start for you?

Ying Gonzalez (72:13)

I think that, like, even. Even like when I was a teen, I. I had like, tick tock famous friends.

Alan Nice (72:18)

Okay.

Ying Gonzalez (72:19)

So, like, I had that but like, like when I was with my ex talker, so like, I would always see him and like, I guess, like, you could say, like, he kind of influenced me in a way, but not fully, you know, like he. He put me on with everything. But like.

Alan Nice (72:39)

And I feel like that's one of those things, you know, because I feel like people will always say, oh, this person made this person person. M. Maybe they introduced them to online. But it's like no one can make someone if they're not willing to put in the work.

Ying Gonzalez (72:50)

Yeah, that's what I say too. Like.

Alan Nice (72:53)

You could have gone incognito. You could have gone mia but you're like.

Ying Gonzalez (73:04)

Yeah. And that's what I always say. Like I don't feel like nobody made me. I feel like I made myself because nobody, nobody sat up here and went through the that I went through. Nobody did the that I did. Nobody. Like yeah, outside, like I did everything on my own and me and my manager shout out to my manager. But yeah, like we did everything. Like nobody put their hand out for me. Nobody like did that. Like even when I did me and my ex broke up. Like my parents like or my, my aunt. Like I was doing everything by myself. Like my mom didn't help me, my dad didn't help me. Like it was all me and myself and I like dead ass.

Alan Nice (73:39)

You're so exposed to so much online. Do you feel like the hate comments or just the comments, the assumptions in general have ever got into you or how do you deal with that? When you see maybe a clip and everyone in the comments may be eating you up or maybe saying some out of pocket. How do you deal with that?

Ying Gonzalez (73:54)

I don't care.

Alan Nice (73:55)

Period.

Ying Gonzalez (74:03)

No, literally, like, like before. Yeah, it would get to me. Like, I'm not gonna lie because like be. I don't know when this is probably like, like sounds stupid but I used to give a. About a lot. I used to give a lot of. About what people used to say about me when I was in love. I don't know why, it's so weird. But now that I don't really love anybody, it's like I don't give a what anybody says about me. Like I don't know. It's so weird. But like I don't know. Like I just.

Alan Nice (74:31)

So you feel like no comments ever get to you?

Ying Gonzalez (74:33)

I feel like before I had my braces, like when people would make fun of my teeth, that's that. That would kind of it to me.

Alan Nice (74:40)

That maybe you were insecure about.

Ying Gonzalez (74:41)

Yeah, like that was the only thing that I was insecure about ever in my teeth. Like cuz they weren't up but like the front ones.

Alan Nice (74:50)

Okay, okay.

Ying Gonzalez (74:51)

And like that I would feel insecure sometimes about it. But like I knew I was a bad, but I was a bad. I was a bad. Literally I would be like literally.

Alan Nice (75:04)

Hey, those were the bad though. I. Yeah. Yes. You're not seeing my teeth, babe.

Ying Gonzalez (75:10)

But I feel like you.

Alan Nice (75:11)

You got embraces yesterday. Cuz I'm like. I don't see them like that. Up and close and personal, you guys. They look so good. I feel like that's what it is. I feel like online, me, I was mentioning earlier I got weight loss surgery, but my whole life I've been overweight.

Sponsor/Ad Voice (75:26)

I think the.

Alan Nice (75:26)

The most I ever weighed was 321 pounds. Right before I got weight loss surgery. People would wear pinch all. Though I used to do a lot of mukbangs too, so people say. But there would be times, you know, obviously there was times where I'd be like, damn, I really am fat. When you're shopping and nothing fits you, I would hate shopping. So when I would get in my momentos where I'm like, oh, my God, like, I am huge. I would go to my comments or I would see my comments, and whenever I would see and I'm like, damn, I am big, because these are calling me fat ass.

Ying Gonzalez (76:02)

They're like, you're all reading all the comments. I feel like it gets you sometimes. It really does get to you. Because, like, me, like Damian, like, when I was. When I was in a relationship, I was super skinny. Dude, I look anorexic. Like, I look so skinny. Like I said, like, all you seen is, like, my skeletons. I was so skinny. I was actually coming on that. Yeah, they were coming on that. And. And now, like, I see myself as, like, you know, like, I love my body, but I was so skinny. And also, like, that was one thing I was insecure about because I was so skinny. And it was like, I look sick. Like, I look weird. Like my flaka. You can see all of my, like, like my jaw, my bones. I feel like you can see me. And it was just so weird.

Alan Nice (76:44)

But I feel like where even if you, like, finally feel good about yourself, people seem. Because even though you can feel like a bad. Like you said you were very skinny. There might be people that be like, she gained weight. Like, to me too.

Ying Gonzalez (76:58)

Like.

Alan Nice (77:07)

Literally, I feel like you can never make people happy. And I feel like one thing we've learned.

Ying Gonzalez (77:11)

But as long as you're happy with yourself.

Alan Nice (77:12)

Exactly. And it's like, as long as you realize in your head or even if you aren't happy with yourself, because there's things about me that maybe people comment on, and I'm like, damn, I. I really want to work on that. I'm very much like, you know what? At the end of the day, these people are seeing a fragment of my life. They don't really know who I am as a person. To the heart.

Ying Gonzalez (77:31)

Exactly. Exactly.

Alan Nice (77:32)

Like, wait, From here, literally, I'm like, and we're not even the same place, baby. I swear to God. But thank you so much for making the time to sit down down with us and getting to talk to us. Where does ya see herself in the next five years? You know, family wise, career wise.

Ying Gonzalez (77:56)

Maybe not next 10 years. I want like the boys to be with like. Yeah, because I was like I never got along with my sister when we were growing up. So like I was always the only girl and like it was like my dad spoiling me. Daddy's girls, how the world works. We're gonna see from 10 years from now. We're gonna let me know, maybe say.

Alan Nice (78:31)

You want just girls so the universe can give you what you don't want. So which is what you want, boys.

Ying Gonzalez (78:37)

Yeah, I see myself stuff like with the family, some kids and just throwing my business. I want to open a business too. So y' all will see it.

Alan Nice (78:47)

Y' all will see you guys and I will see too. And I'm so excited.

Ying Gonzalez (78:49)

Thank you so much for having me.

Alan Nice (78:51)

And inviting and just to say, I want to say one thing before we get off. Like, not that I, I didn't know you much other than what I would see online. And one thing, I've said it so many times. I get to sit down with my guests and I really get to, to like online. You're like, it's what is in here in this moment. And I really do want to say that you have gone through so much ita plo the person you are today. Because the whole interview you could have gone south, but you went right or northwest.

Ying Gonzalez (79:24)

You said it right.

Alan Nice (79:26)

But with that being said, thank you so much once again for being here with us today. Today, I will leave all her links down below as well as on the screen right now, right here. Make sure you guys do so you guys won't miss any future episodes. And with that being said, thank you so much and thank you guys so much for watching and we'll see you guys in the next one. Bye, guys.

Ying Gonzalez (79:56)

Foreign.

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