← Nonprofit Nation with Julia Campbell
Nonprofit Nation with Julia Campbell
How to Take Care of Yourself While Changing the World with Meico Marquette Whitlock
00:52:28
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- [00:02]
Julia Campbell
All right, we're live. Thank you so much for joining us today. This is. I'm Julia Campbell, your host. If you're listening to the recording on Nonprofit Nation, welcome to my podcast listeners. Welcome to everyone that's joined us on LinkedIn Live today. So today's a really timely episode. I'm actually really excited to dive into some of the concepts that we're going to talk about how to take care of yourself while changing the world. So in a world where burnout is the norm and rest is often seen as a luxury, and with these headlines whiplashing us every single day, how can we as change makers sustain our well being while still making an impact? So I'm joined by my friend, Miko Marquette Whitlock, a workplace well being strategist, mindfulness teacher, and recovering workaholic who joins us to explore how we as mission driven professionals can prioritize self care and just, you know, taking care of our emotions without guilt, and how we can create this culture in our organizations. So some of the things we're going to talk about today, you know, reconnecting to your why, especially right now when the work and maybe the news feels overwhelming. How to create a sustainable culture of well being at work, navigating social impact, grief, processing the emotional weight of change, making that we all feel. And then we're going to talk also maybe about digital well being in a hyper connected world. So, Mikko, thank you so much for being here.
- [01:39]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Thank you for having me. And I suspect this is going to be a juicy conversation. So if we need to go long, I'm happy to do that. So you let me know what the audience wants and we can just stay as long as we need to.
- [01:52]
Julia Campbell
Yes. And everyone please do add your comments, add your feedback. We'd love to hear from you. Maybe as Mika goes through the strategies, like how are you navigating this moment? How are you, you know, investing in, in self care, or, you know, self care is such a broad term, like what does it mean to you? So I wanted to establish, you know, sort of the reason that I wanted to do this LinkedIn live and release this podcast immediately. There's so much going on specifically in the nonprofit sector right now. So just a little context of things I've been thinking about and really kind of stressing over. So we know that in January, the Office of Management and Budget issued a memorandum directing a temporary pause on all federal financial assistance, including grants to NGOs. And this affected approximately 10,000 organizations and really disrupted funding for various programs. But the recent suspension of federal grants by this administration. It extends beyond just the USAID funded programs and it really affects a wide array of. Wide array of nonprofits across various sectors. It really affects, like, domestic programs, housing, domestic violence prevention, critical services, and the sector, you know, we've experienced. We're coming off Covid still. And this has led for a lot of us, like, real uncertainty around programs around employment. Employment, job losses, operations. And there's another prong to all of this stress. Should we take. Well, I know my answer to this. Should we take wording that the administration might find questionable, like around diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging? Should we take it off our website? What should we do about serving our clients, especially if they're impacted by some of the executive orders? There's so much swirling around. And what I love, Miko, about your work is that you put things into frameworks and terms that we can easily digest and understand. And so I want to start off, you know, so many of us are experiencing what you call social impact grief, which is the emotional toll, as I understand it, of fighting for change in a world that often resists it. And that really struck with me. I feel like I've been fighting that since the 90s. So how can we process and navigate that grief in a productive, like a healthy way?
- [04:28]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Yeah. So just taking a step back and unpacking this idea of social impact grief. So there is what many of us are familiar with, which is, I guess, individual grief, or maybe the individual experience of grief where maybe we're grieving the loss of a loved one, we're grieving the loss of a pet, for example. It's something that's very tangible and we have a normalized way of thinking about it. Right. So if you say, oh my. Exactly. And you say, like, if my dog. My dog died or my mom transitioned, people understand. And we have sort of, in our culture, we have a way of sort of socializing people around that social impact grief falls into the bucket of what experts call collective grief. And so I call it social impact grief in the sub bucket of collective grief, where we are collectively having this experience of grief together. In part because the nature of the work that we do as mission driven folks is a bit different in terms of how we approach work.
- [05:30]
C
Right.
- [05:30]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
We lead with our hearts. We give everything that we have to the missions for many of us is deeply personal, why we do the work that we do. And so when we see what's happening in the world right now, and to your point, doing this work in the world that sometimes seems to. To Resist it. There is what experts call sort of a form of ambiguous loss, right? Where it's intangible, right? You're feeling things, you're thinking things are sort of showing up in your, in your body in terms of how the grief shows up and how we process it, but we don't have necessarily language or framing around it, right? And so sometimes it can feel like we're being gaslit, right? Maybe we're not sure that what we're experiencing is valid. So the first place I want to start is by simply acknowledging that what you are experiencing is normal, right? It's a natural response to loss of any kind, whether that is the loss of a loved one, something that's more tangible, or whether it's a non death loss or an ambiguous loss, like what we're talking about with social impact grief, where we're grieving the loss of progress that we have been fighting generations to make, right? And it feels like it's being undone before our eyes. We're grieving the loss of a future that we may never have, that we thought we were going to have or that our children may never have, that we always dreamed for for them, right? And there might not be closure to this type of loss, right? And so that's another aspect of it that makes it particularly challenging. And so the first place that I start with this is again, normalizing and simply acknowledging however you're feeling, however you're expressing right now in this moment is perfectly okay. And we also get to acknowledge the hard truth that the Lion King reminds us is part of the circle of life, right? Loss, disappointment, death, all of these things are a natural part of life. And part of the hope that we have is that because of that, we're actually built to be resilient. We're actually built to be able to navigate these kinds of losses, right? That doesn't mean it's going to be easy. That doesn't mean that we're going to wave a magic wand and have everything be okay right now. But we have history, right? We have ancestors that have come before us that have fought long and hard, that have navigated, that have cultivated resilience. We have models in that. And we have again, going back to the circle of life, this is a natural part of it. And we have the ability within us to be able to navigate this. So I can walk people through a framework for this, but I just want to pause and see if you have anything that you want to share in response to what I've already put out there.
- [08:19]
Julia Campbell
Well, you can see it's really resonating with people. So Tracy says, love the framing of social impact grief. Carol says, thank you for naming what I've been feeling for years. And that's how, actually how I felt when I read it. And Naughtry says, I love that connection, circle of life. So I think it's so interesting because we, like you said, just to reiterate what you said, we feel like we understand grief. Obviously, I don't understand someone else's grief personality personally, but I understand there are the seven stages. Or I understand, like, it's normal to feel this way when you grieve a loss of a person, you grieve a loss of a job, you grieve a loss of a pet, you grieve a loss of something tangible. But the social impact grief is, is lingering. And like you said, there's not necessarily going to be closure. It could just like a thousand death by a thousand cuts almost sometimes. So, yeah, so. So now you can. Yeah. Go into the framework. Like, how do we navigate that?
- [09:16]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Yes. So as we get into this framework, I want to also share because you mentioned the stages of grief. So many of us are familiar with, like the typical stages of grief, like anger, denial and so on.
- [09:25]
C
Right.
- [09:26]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Acceptance, bargaining. Those stages of grief are, I think many of us have taken them to be sort of the only forms of grief or the only sort of phases of grief, if you will. And we've taken them to mean that it's a linear process and that's not actually the case. So the person who defined these stages, the intention wasn't to say these are the only ways that grief shows up or that these, these are sort of the steps you follow through. Follow is sort of a. It's an attempt to really describe sort of commonalities in our grief experience.
- [10:01]
C
Right.
- [10:01]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
And so this is important because there isn't a prescribed timeline for how you grieve. There isn't a right or wrong way for how you express.
- [10:10]
C
Right.
- [10:12]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
There isn't a prescribed linear process where you have to go from bargaining to acceptance. Like, that's not how grief works for many of us. It's very messy and it's less of sort of a linear line from one step to the next, to one day you're feeling okay to the next moment, something triggers you and you're in tears.
- [10:30]
C
Right.
- [10:30]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Or you're going into a funk.
- [10:32]
C
Right.
- [10:34]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
So it looks differently for each of us. And I think what we get to do is we get to acknowledge that and to honor that. Which actually brings me to the first part of this framework. So the framework is called ace. Ace. And ACE stands for Acknowledge, confront, and execute.
- [10:52]
C
Right?
- [10:52]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
So the a acknowledgment is simply about acknowledging the truth about where you are in the grieving process. Again, there's no right or wrong way. There's no timeline, there's no prescribed order of steps, and simply just acknowledging where you are. And there's some practical ways that you can do this. For some people, maybe it's through journaling, maybe it's through talking out loud with a friend, therapy, support groups. Maybe they're mindfulness practices. Again, this is another place where there isn't a right or wrong way to do this. But it's simply without judging yourself or someone else, without even trying to change anything or take action, you're simply acknowledging where you are in your grief journey.
- [11:33]
C
Right?
- [11:34]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
And so, Julia, you've already done that. Right? And I think there was a Tracy in the chat that talked about feeling this way for. For many, many years.
- [11:41]
C
Right?
- [11:42]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
That is simply stating that, right? Simply writing that is doing this first part of this process, which is acknowledgement.
- [11:51]
C
Right?
- [11:52]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
The second step, the C, is about confrontation or confronting, and it's about really saying, okay, well, yes, I'm grieving. Here's the step I'm at. Here's the stage I'm at right now in this moment, in the screening process. And what do I need right now, right? What resources or people do I have to support me right now? What's in my control to do, despite how I'm feeling right now in this moment? So one of the important things about this is that our thoughts and our feelings, the sensations that we have in our body, which is how grief sort of manifests and shows up, right? For. For us, they. Those. Those things don't necessarily go away on their own before you can begin to take action, right? You can begin to take action. You can begin to move onward with life even as you are holding space for the feelings and the thoughts and the very real raw emotions that you're holding onto. So this final step, the e. The execution, this is about taking constructive action, right? And so in the workplace context, when we talk about collective grief, this might mean acknowledging where you are, acknowledging that you have resources and support, and then going that step further to actually reach out to HR and say, hey, what's the latest on our mental health benefits?
- [13:19]
C
Right?
- [13:19]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Do we have grief counseling available through our EAP program? Is there a support group through our ERG or an employee resource group that we have? Do I have Access to a spiritual community, for example. Do I have access to be a part of a community like what we're creating right now sort of in the moment to be able to simply share. Hey, I have this same experience. Right. I am not alone in this. Part of our experience sometimes is exacerbated because we feel like we are alone. And that's not the truth. Right. The truth is that we are resource that we are in community, that we are doing this together and we get to acknowledge the sort of the beautiful struggle of being in pain, but also working together to figure out how do we transmute or transform that pain into something beautiful.
- [14:07]
Julia Campbell
I love that. And I actually read about this framework you posted and I posted it into the chat a blog on year end anxiety. I felt that so deeply in my bones. I think the framework is applicable to anytime you're feeling anxiety or stress.
- [14:26]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Yes.
- [14:26]
Julia Campbell
But that year and anxiety that I think, you know, you and I as entrepreneurs and being self employed feel like we're not doing enough. We didn't close out the year strong enough. But nonprofits have so much pressure at year end especially that I think having a framework like this to really, you know, process and work through what you're going through. I just think right now there's so much. I mean there's always so much uncertainty. But right now I think especially if people are working on issues that are in the news. Right. So many of us feel overwhelmed by the urgency of the work.
- [15:07]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Yes.
- [15:08]
Julia Campbell
And I feel like we're getting very burned out. And how can we reconnect to our why.
- [15:15]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Yeah. In.
- [15:17]
Julia Campbell
In ways that don't burn us out.
- [15:20]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
So the first thing I will say is that just wrapping up this point about.
- [15:24]
Julia Campbell
Yes.
- [15:25]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
The ACE framework as we transition into talking about your why it's an ongoing process.
- [15:30]
C
Right.
- [15:31]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
The circle of life is not really a circle, it's a spiral.
- [15:34]
Julia Campbell
And it's not like a check off like, Exactly.
- [15:38]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
So you don't get like, okay, well, yes. You, you know, was it a monopoly? You know, collected 200 doll Pasco. It's not exactly like that. Right. It's a bit more complicated and messy in that way. So building upon this, one of the strategies that I talk about is really reconnecting to a re engaging with why you actually do the work that you do. Why you do the work that you do is a source of clarity for many people. It's a source of direction. Many people actually refer to it as the North Star for that reason. Right. It's something that re energizes Re inspires and motivates you is something that helps you to find meaning and grounding in the chaos. It's something that helps you to combat something that I call IDD or intention deficit disorder. Right. Where we're moving through life, right. We're reacting.
- [16:34]
Julia Campbell
Attention deficit disorder.
- [16:36]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Yeah. So intention deficit is or so we're, we're reacting to the water holes of things. We're reacting to the news cycle, we're reacting to social media, we're reacting to the things that are happening in our inbox. And we are not moving through our days in an intentional way. Right. Because we're just, we're in real reaction mode.
- [16:56]
C
Right.
- [16:57]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
We're, we're, we're responding to sort of the fires.
- [17:01]
C
Right.
- [17:01]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
But we aren't necessarily always acting from a place of what's the most meaningful thing that I can be doing, the most impactful thing that I can be doing. So we might be busy, right. But we're not actually sometimes making impact on the things that, that really matter. And for some of us in seasons like this, I use the wizard of Oz as the example. So in the wizard of Oz, we know that Dorothy gets swept up in a tornado. She gets moved from one place to the other, right. And so for many of us, we feel like we're being swept up in a tornado, right. And we're trying to get our feet on the ground and we have the uncertainty, we have intention deficit disorder. We have this grief of loved ones and also sort of the non death losses as well.
- [17:48]
C
Right.
- [17:49]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
We're overwhelmed by the information and connection to technology and all those things. And that contributes to this idea that we're sort of swept up in this tornado. And so reconnecting to your why can be one of the things that helps to sort of anchor you, right. To sort of bring you back to say, hey, okay, I can see this tornado of things that are swirling around me, but I still remember my North Star. I can still look up in the sky and I can see what direction I need to be moving in and I can, I can direct the energy that I do have toward that. So I have more that I can say. But I'll pause and see what thoughts you have about that.
- [18:31]
Julia Campbell
No, I completely agree with that. I love the idea and I connect with this very well, the intention deficit disorder. So I am creating a series of content and maybe a book all around minimalist marketing. And it's exactly that. We have this shiny object syndrome. We have so much on our plate. We feel like we're constantly reacting like you said, rather than being proactive and stepping back and thinking, what is our North Star? What are the actions that we're going to take that are going to move the needle the most or that are going to just make us feel good at the end of the day? I mean, if you're on X all day and it's making you feel horrible, is that the best place for you? Like how to evaluate? Not just based on ROI or KPIs or things like that. It's really about what is our mission and what are our values and how are we aligning everything. And that has just been such a struggle for so many of my clients right now, when it does feel like everywhere we are online, every tool we use, everywhere we shop is just diametrically opposed to what we believe in and what we stand for and what we're fighting for. And I feel that same way, and it's just incredibly exhausting.
- [19:54]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
So I will share with you. So I'll share with you two power questions. Because I think for some people this might be a bit abstract and they may be wondering, well, what if I never had clarity about my why? Or what if I'm just. I just, I'm so clouded by all the stuff that's happening that I can't really think clearly. So can you give me something more concrete? All right, so I have two questions. The first question is, what gifts, talents, or resources do I have to contribute right now?
- [20:22]
C
Right.
- [20:22]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
So what do you have right now in terms of gifts, talents, and resources that you can contribute to whatever your work is? Or maybe there's an issue in your community that you want to be able to. That your heart is sort of tugging you to do something about? What do you actually have access to to contribute to that? And then the second is, what or how can I help in a way that energizes me? What or how can I help in a way that energizes me? Not that drains me, not that depletes me, not that makes me feel guilty, but how can I help in a way that actually energizes and fuels me? And I'll give you an example. So during COVID a lot of groups had to quickly shift from in person to virtual.
- [21:10]
C
Right.
- [21:11]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
One of the low lift things that I was able to do was to actually just lend people access to my Zoom account. I lent access to a, a book club that I was part of to use my. And they actually, up until maybe last year, they were still using it.
- [21:27]
C
Right.
- [21:28]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
There's a mindfulness group for Black men that was meeting in person and had to shift and the organizer just needed support.
- [21:36]
C
Right.
- [21:36]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
And so, well, here, use my account. Here's the information. Use it for however long you all need. Need to be able to access it.
- [21:42]
C
Right.
- [21:43]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
For me, that was a very low lift way to contribute that meant so much to those two groups.
- [21:51]
C
Right.
- [21:52]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
And it cost me what, like 15 bucks a month for the Zoom account. I'm not using it 247 anyway, so why not?
- [22:00]
C
Right.
- [22:01]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
And so you can think about right now starting with sort of those small ways, the small gifts, talents or resources that you already have that you can in ways in which you can support someone. I'm sure that we can all think of things that are low cost or don't cost anything and don't cost a lot in terms of effort that would be very meaningful for someone that's actually in need right now.
- [22:26]
Julia Campbell
I was thinking about this the other day and I was thinking that some days all the energy that I have is just to share in my. On my social media, elevate someone else's content. So someone else that is saying like Voule or National Council of Non Profits or even a non profit that's doing fantastic work like Rescue.org the human rights Coalition. I frequently share their stories and I share their content on social media because sometimes that is just all that I have energy for.
- [23:00]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Yeah.
- [23:01]
Julia Campbell
And I like to do it. I like to elevate their content. So even just something like that, elevating and amplifying a voice that you find powerful. What I feel is that my audience, primarily marketers and fundraisers, they feel like they have to constantly reinvent the wheel, share original content, make original videos, do all the things. And sometimes it's just sharing out what someone else says and maybe adding some context to it.
- [23:29]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Absolutely.
- [23:29]
Julia Campbell
Sometimes. Some of my favorite newsletters are just a list of links, like helpful links, like, hey, I read this this week and it's really cool and you know, take a look if you are interested in xyz. So I just wish that more nonprofits would look at the content out there sort of in their industry and cause area. A question that just came to my mind. I don't think I put it on the list, but I know you're going to have a great into it as marketers and fundraisers right now in this moment, how can we effectively mentally and emotionally manage the pushback? So the horrific comments on anything that we post, I mean I've seen like I belong to so context. I belong to a bunch of social Media manager groups, one for museum social media managers, one for social justice social media managers. And it doesn't seem to matter what your mission is right now. If you're posting and you're putting yourself out there, you're getting negative and probably maybe hateful comments, you're getting emails responding, you're getting bad email responses or really hateful email responses. How do you suggest that we navigate that? Because we want to be responsive. I tell my clients, if you send out an email to your 10,000 person email list and you get two negative responses back, you got to do the math there. First of all, someone's reading it, that's good. But secondly, you know, let's do the math here. But you know, you know, we always take, we always focus on the negative. So how can we sort of, how can we get through this time period that's hopefully going to be short lived?
- [25:20]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
So this is a, a powerful question. I think it goes beyond this moment, right? This is in, this is just in general. So no matter what you do in life and in work, a hundred percent of people are not going to be behind you, right?
- [25:38]
Julia Campbell
Even probably 50, right.
- [25:41]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
There are going to be people that don't like the color of your shirt, that don't like the sound of your voice, that don't like the air that you're breathing wherever you are and don't.
- [25:50]
Julia Campbell
Like the signs behind you. And you're.
- [25:51]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Exactly. And so there's nothing that you can do about that. And so what I offer to folks is number one, remember why you're doing the work. Right? Number one. Number two, always remember and center the people who are giving you the love.
- [26:10]
C
Right?
- [26:12]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
And so for the marketers out there, I know that some of you may be looking at, for example, unsubscribes, right? For example, you could have 10,000 people on your list, but if two people unsubscribe from a newsletter that you just sent, like you're, you're fixated on like why those people unsubscribed, right? But what about like the 9,998 folks that stayed on the list? What about those folks? What about those folks that have opted in and said, you know what? I like what you have to offer. I'm going to open this, I'm going to read this, I'm going to share this. What about those folks, right? So don't fall for the okie doke, don't fall for the distraction, right? Know that, that is, I'm going to go back to this, the circle of life Analogy. Because I think what, what some people refer to as your haters, that's also a part of the circle of life.
- [27:07]
Julia Campbell
Yes.
- [27:07]
C
Right.
- [27:09]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
You're. You're not going to always, in all seasons, for all people, be, Be all things. That's perfectly okay. The sooner you can accept that, the sooner you can reclaim your energy and repurpose that for your purpose.
- [27:26]
C
Right.
- [27:28]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
The more you're distracted, the more you're giving energy to people that don't appreciate your energy, don't want your energy.
- [27:37]
C
Right.
- [27:37]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Are there to cause distortion, distraction, whatever it is. That means that there is time and effort and energy that you're not focusing on what you're, what you've been called to do in this season, how you have been called to serve and support and make a difference in this season.
- [27:55]
C
Right.
- [27:56]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
So remember your, Remember your North Star. Remember your. Why focus on the people that are giving you the love and just know that the hate is. That's just part of it.
- [28:07]
C
Right?
- [28:07]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
That's. And that's going to be there. That's not going to go away.
- [28:12]
Julia Campbell
Especially if you have something important to say or if you have anything to say, if you put yourself out there. And I have to remind myself about this all the time. But I, you know, I feel like I've been pretty polarizing, like I said, since the 90s. Like, I've been an outspoken feminist. I've been really clear on what I stand for and my politics and my political views. So if you are watching this right now and you're like, whoa, Julia's like a liberal. And you're surprised, I don't know what to tell you. The signs. The signs are there. But still, sometimes I do get those emails back. I get social media comments, and it's kind of surprising to me, but it does mean to me, I take it, and I say people, that means people are reading or watching or listening. And like you said, that means that all those thousands of people that it resonates with maybe are not saying something. And they do say things often. But to get focused on unsubscribes, it's like that it just means it's not for them and it just is not for them. Right now. I unsubscribe from lists and then resubscribe sometimes. So it's.
- [29:20]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
And it's not always. It's not always personal. Sometimes it's like I like the person.
- [29:24]
Julia Campbell
But I switched the job.
- [29:25]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Exactly. Or it's just no longer relevant. I appreciate what you're doing, but it's no longer relevant for Me. And I'll share one final example that I often share with folks. You could cure cancer, and there will be people upset that you didn't cure something else.
- [29:41]
Julia Campbell
Oh, a thousand percent.
- [29:44]
C
Right.
- [29:44]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
So keep that in mind as you are thinking about this. This is the pushback, the hate, the resistance perhaps is more pronounced now in certain ways, but it's not new, and it's part of the work. You can't be a seasoned marketer and communicator and messenger in this work and. And not have that as part of a skill set that you have.
- [30:11]
C
Right.
- [30:12]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Having a thick skin and being able to differentiate. Because it's also not personal, because they don't know you, so it can't be personal.
- [30:19]
Julia Campbell
Right.
- [30:20]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
You have to remind yourself of that. Like, they don't really know you, so it can't be personal. So why are you taking it personally?
- [30:29]
Julia Campbell
And I believe that it is the responsibility of nonprofits to talk to their donors and their stakeholders like adults. Like, what's going on right now that I need to know about? Do you know what. What's happening in the industry and the cause that I care about? It might be hard to hear. It might not be what I want to hear, but what's going on? How can I help? How can I be a part of it? And I think the problem is that, you know, before COVID a lot of organizations, if they were not in social justice space, they shied away from talking about current events at all. They would put out their newsletter, it would be five events and three ways to donate, and their volunteer appreciation photos and things like that. But then when Covid hit, they really had to start talking about current events, even if they were polarizing. And I think that holds us back a lot because we don't know how to navigate, like, the backlash, but bringing. Kind of bringing it back to, like, self. Self care, which is a term that I know is. I'm not sure how I feel about it or I'm not sure if I really know what it is. I didn't know it looks different for everybody. But I think you talk about one of the biggest barriers to self care is guilt. So how can we shift our mindset? Well, I guess maybe first of all, how do you define self care? And how can we start seeing self care as essential rather than selfish?
- [32:00]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Yeah. So, I mean, I guess in the broadest sense, self care is really about how we nourish and resource ourselves.
- [32:06]
C
Right.
- [32:07]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
So that we can do. So that we. So that we can live our best life.
- [32:10]
C
Right.
- [32:11]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
And one of the ways I think about this in the context of mission driven work is we have our outer work, which is sort of the day to day of your work, right? So it's the meetings, it's the emails, it's the deliverables that you're producing, it's the work that you're doing out in the community, right? That is the outer work. Many of us are very skilled and very adept at doing that particular form of the work. The inner work is about how we actually resource ourselves. Are you getting enough rest, Right. Are you dealing with sort of the mental and emotional state that, that you're in from moment to moment?
- [32:44]
C
Right.
- [32:44]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Are you, are you aware of that and are you dealing with any challenges that might be arising for you? How connected are you or not to personal and professional mission and vision?
- [32:55]
C
Right.
- [32:56]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
When we're doing both the inner work and the outer work together, we are engaging in what I would describe as mindful change making. Or another way to think about it is we are managing our well being while also managing our well doing, right? We're doing those things simultaneously, right? And so the guilt, the burnout, the overwhelm sometimes is a manifestation of an imbalance between this inner work and the outer work. So for most folks, it's because we're putting so much emphasis on the outer work bucket, not recognizing that we have to be. In order to sustain the outer work bucket, we have to be continuously filling the inner work bucket. One way that I think about this is, you know, when we, when we think about. For folks that are flown frequently, there's the instruction from the flight attendant, right? Which says that in the event of an emergency, an oxygen mask might drop down. The instruction or the invitation is always to secure your own oxygen mask first before you're then able to support someone else. In that scenario, it's not selfish for you to secure your own oxygen mask first. If we were to extend that further, Securing your oxygen mass means getting enough rest. It means practicing good digital hygiene, right? When it comes to what you're consuming and what you're taking in, right. It means how you're taking care of your body, right? In terms of food and physical exercise, it means how you're taking care of your spirit, right? How you're renewing your, your spirit, are you regularly connecting with folks? Are you taking time to reflect? Do you have a support community, whether that's a therapist or you're part of a spiritual community, whatever that looks like for you, are those things that you're doing on a consistent basis that Allows you to sort of adjust and readjust and secure that oxygen mask so that when you then do the outer work of helping other folks secure their oxygen mass, you're able to do that without running out of breath.
- [35:21]
C
Right?
- [35:21]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
You're able to do that in, in a sustainable way as opposed to having what some of us may experience so that the. The fall starts or we sprint for a while and then we get tired and we're out of breath, we got to sit down or we got to take a day off and come back. When you're doing it in a balanced way, you are able to sustain that outer bucket in a healthier way. So for folks that are struggling with this idea of guilt around this, I offer that framing. I also offer to you that that's not your fault.
- [36:04]
C
Right.
- [36:05]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
That when we think about self care, our self care is not just our responsibility as an individual, it's also the responsibility of the organizations and the communities that we serve.
- [36:16]
C
Right?
- [36:17]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
So there are institutional and systemic challenges that also contribute to this imbalance between the inner work and the outer work. And so we have to be aware of that. We have to understand what is our sphere of influence as an individual. And we also have to be simultaneous, especially for those of us that are in positions of leadership and influence. We have to be pushing to change the systems and structures inside of our organizations and the sector that contribute to this idea that people feel guilty about taking care of themselves so they can actually do the work for the long term.
- [36:52]
Julia Campbell
It's amazing. It's like this hustle culture, this like, crushing it culture. Like, I can't. I just think, you know, it's like you said, just the intention deficit disorder. It's. We feel like we have to do all the things because we see people do all the things. And once we step back maybe and take a minute to, to do self care, I mean, Adrienne says going for a walk or a hike quiets my mind and re energizes my body. I love that. Going for a walk, walking your dog, even going for a drive. I remember in Covid that I would, I would take a walk, but then sometimes I would just take a drive. I just wanted to drive because everyone's in my house, in my face. I don't have a minute to like, listen to my podcast or, you know, do whatever I need to be doing. So sometimes, just like taking a drive and listening to an audiobook, I did that quite frequently in Covid and I think that I still sometimes do that now, like if I need to Go pick up my kid. I leave early and take an extra 10 minutes because it's, I don't know, it's just something that I like to do. Katie says pedicures. Yes, we go get pedicures a lot or we used to go get pedicures, but pedicures, manicures. Katie, I think you and I would both agree going to home goods, even if we just smell the candles, like that's our part of care. But just whatever makes you happy and re energizes you. I love that. So for those of us whose jobs, I mean we're doing this on LinkedIn, we are going to repurpose over the podcast. But for those whose jobs require them to be online and like plugged in all the time, you talk about digital hygiene. What are some practical ways to sort of set boundaries with technology while still really being informed and engaged with the work?
- [38:45]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Yeah, so I think this is a very important question. I think especially in this time with the saturation or the over saturation of information. One of the, I think the first places to start is really to identify what I would describe as your trusted messengers. Right. Because we don't need to necessarily from my perspective be following the play by play unless you are a first responder. Like you don't need to be involved with like sort of the, the breaking news. There are lots of trusted messengers that we have. Many of us are part of associations, for example. Many of us are members of advocacy organizations whose job their job is to follow. Their job is to create a signal from the noise. Their, their job.
- [39:32]
Julia Campbell
Summarize some of your trusted messengers. That's their job as well.
- [39:35]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Yeah, yeah. So identify your trusted messengers and let those lead for the work related things. Let that lead sort of your, how you are engaging digitally.
- [39:49]
C
Right.
- [39:50]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
In terms of, in practical terms, there's, I mentioned the associations and the advocacy groups that they are summarizing what's happening. They are identifying practical action items, they're, they're doing some of that coalition building. There's also practical things like instead of following the play by play of the or the drip by drip of sort of the news and things that are coming out. One of the things that I'm a big fan of is listen to the, to the news summary, read the newsletter roundup.
- [40:20]
C
Right.
- [40:20]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
And with the new summaries there are podcasts that will do like a 10, 15 minute recap.
- [40:27]
C
Right.
- [40:28]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Same thing with the weekly news recap, sort of the highlights of the week. What do you need to know? And that can be a Way to sort of balance things.
- [40:38]
C
Right.
- [40:39]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Taking that even further, you want to be able to identify some basic boundaries around when and how you're connected to your technology and how you're consuming information.
- [40:52]
C
Right.
- [40:52]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
What does this mean? Well, it means not grabbing your phone first thing in the morning.
- [40:57]
C
Right.
- [40:58]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Do you have a start routine that involves screen free time that allows you to pour into yourself, put on your oxygen mask first before you then engage in the day? Same thing before you go to bed, Right. So having a cutoff time before you go to bed so you can renew yourself.
- [41:16]
C
Right.
- [41:16]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Re secure. Readjust that oxygen mask before you turn in, before you turn in for the night. Turning off notifications, especially for things that aren't mission critical. You don't need to know about every single update like comment, share on Instagram or TikTok. Like that's not supporting you personally or professionally in moving your mission forward. And so if that's the case and you can turn those things off, maybe there are some instances where maybe you do need to have those alerts turned on, right. Maybe you have the app where you're tracking where your kid is after school and you need to know where they are. Okay, well great, you can leave that on. But asking yourself the question, does this particular action, does this particular activity, does this particular way in which I'm using my technology or consuming information, is this adding value to my life and work or it's just taking away value for my life and work?
- [42:13]
C
Right?
- [42:13]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Is this energizing me? Is this pouring into me? Is this, is this I'm refueling me or is it depleting me? Is it draining me? Is it exhausting me?
- [42:21]
C
Right?
- [42:21]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
So tapping into that, raising that level of awareness and making those adjustments according, like those are very simple things that we can begin to do to make those shifts.
- [42:33]
Julia Campbell
So you gave us some fantastic tips. Are there any personal rituals or practices that you use to stay grounded and sort of emotionally balanced in this work?
- [42:47]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Yeah, so I think for me there are specific practices, but beyond the practices, it's consistency.
- [42:59]
C
Right?
- [43:00]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Consistency is perhaps the most powerful thing that, that, that you can, you can do. Right. So if you going back to the, the oxygen mass example, if you don't have a process or ritual for consistently sort of readjusting that oxygen mask, right. You're going to have more moments where you're out of breath, right. You're going to have more moments where you're sort of oxygen depleted, if you will. And so for me, consistency is the key. And the key things for me on a daily Basis are, you know, physical activity, prayer and meditation, journaling, you know, just sitting in the silence, especially before I go to bed at night, just sort of sitting in the silence and really just taking a moment to just check in with my body, right? What am I releasing from today? What am I allowing in to my life as I move into the next day? And giving myself permission to also what I call right size, meaning there are days when I can do a 25 minute meditation and that works for me, that works on my schedule, that works on my level of energy and what I have to give in terms of being present. There are some days where all I can do is a minute, right? And so giving myself permission to check in and say, hey, what do I have the capacity to do based on my energy level, based on my schedule for today and whether I do a one minute reflection or a 25 minute meditation, to give myself credit to say, you know what, you did a great job today. Thank you for showing up for you. I love you.
- [44:47]
C
Right.
- [44:49]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
If we can all sort of make space for whatever that looks like for us, that 30 seconds, that five minutes, that 25 minutes, and you can think about this as sort of a menu of options, right, that you can proactively identify ahead of time so that you don't have to think about it, right? You already know what the one minute version is. For me. Like with workouts, for example, I do a lot of YouTube follow along videos and I have these curated lists of different workout lengths, intensities. And if I only got five minutes or 10 minutes, okay, and my intensity level is blah, okay, we're going to do something low intensity. I got seven minutes. Let me see what we got that fits into that. I do that and I move on without my move on with my day.
- [45:37]
Julia Campbell
I absolutely love that. I think that's so important because you can say, I'm going to go to a 45 minute spin class today, but then wake up and you haven't slept and you're tired and your energy level's low. So they're like, what are the other options? Like maybe like you said, a yoga class on YouTube or just maybe some light stretching or you know, whatever it is that you feel like you can do today and then just say, okay, this is fine, this is where I am right now. And you know, just as long as you're, you're doing something to kind of move you along to your goals, but being really, you know, being cognizant that like you're not going to wake up every day on your A game. Like I, it's really a struggle for me to not wake up, not wake up every day on my A plus game. So yeah, I think having to realize your energy levels, what you have the capacity for, it's hard when you go into an office. Of course. Like, yeah, I can pretty much make my own schedule and prioritize my day, but I know it's hard when you have to go physically into an office and someone else is dictating your day. So actually maybe what are your like last question as we kind of wrap up, what are your tips for people that they do they have to go to now? We're all, you know, there's a big push to go back to work, there's a big push to be in person. There's a big push almost back to those antiquated notions of like the nine to you know, 7pm and with no breaks. And how do we, how do we maintain our sanity and like our self care in those confines that are maybe designed to design for burnout.
- [47:25]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
So I would say just to pick it up on what we just talked about, right? Sizing, right? I talked about like picking the length, intensity, like it's more important, especially when you're going to the office and you have less control over your day to identify what you do have control over. And so for many folks in that, in that scenario, the beginning of your day and end of your day, you have the most control over. So even if it's five minutes on the, on both ends, you know, how are you going to use those, those, those bookends? And it's a scientific term that folks refer to as satisficing, right? Or what's good enough for now, right? So sometimes a B is good enough, right? It doesn't have to be A plus every day across the board. Like B is passing, right? So think about what does it look like for you in that context and in the work and like during the actual work day, identifying what you actually have the power to control, right? So we, you get. Most people get a lunch break and breaks thereafter honoring that, right? Putting it on your calendar, right? Move it around if you need to, but carve it out on your calendar so you have it and you're not trying to fight to reclaim that time after the fact. Thinking about if you have the power to do this, small shifts in terms of shortening the default length of meetings. So for example, a 30 minute meeting becomes 20 or 25 minutes. With Google Calendar or with Outlook, there's now settings that you can turn on. That will automatically shift how meetings are scheduled from the half hour to hour long blocks to actually shave off 5 to 10 minutes. So cumulatively you have built in more time for transitioning between meetings. And over the course of a day or a week, you've actually reclaimed some of that time that you have for yourself.
- [49:28]
C
Right.
- [49:29]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
To take a break, to transition or to maybe do some meaningful work, whatever that is.
- [49:34]
C
Right.
- [49:35]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
So those are small things that folks can identify that they can focus on. And really the key question to start with, I think is to really be constantly asking yourself, okay, what do I have the power to control in this situation?
- [49:50]
C
Right.
- [49:51]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
And that's sort of the empowering place to start. We can all think about all the things that we don't have in our control. We can all think about all the things that we don't have that we wish we had. But if you ask yourself, okay, I can't control this, I can't control that, but what can I control and what choice can I make to make things better based on what I can do? And start there.
- [50:16]
Julia Campbell
Oh, gosh. And Natri just wrote, I just had a call with my co founder who is also my manager. We talked about the Good enough bar and how we align on what that is so we aren't holding ourselves to a reasonably high bar. Yes. Oh, that's great. Because that's exactly. Sometimes, you know, what we need to do. I love that. All right, well, Mika, we're wrapping up. This has been fantastic. So where can people find you, connect with you? I have your website on the screen and where else can people and tell me, you know, we talked about before we hit record, how you decided to just focus on LinkedIn as opposed to the other social media channels you're streamlining. You're right.
- [51:02]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Right, exactly right. So mindful techie.comm I n D F U L T E c h I e.com go to the website, join the email list. That is the best way to stay connected and up to date. You can also connect with me on LinkedIn. So just searching my name or search for Mindful Techie and you can find me. And to your point about social media, Absolutely. Asking myself, you know, with the time and resources and effort that I have, where my audience is, where I'm getting the most bang for the buck, if I could only do one thing, if I could only be on one platform, what would it be? And for that reason, I've made LinkedIn my home for this season. I've had an out of office reply set up on X and Facebook for many years now. I haven't actually engaged with either of those platform in a couple years. And with Instagram, I pop in occasionally for just getting personal updates, but it's, you know, LinkedIn is where it's at for me right now.
- [52:07]
Julia Campbell
I love it. Okay, well everyone, I really encourage you to connect with Miko on LinkedIn. Go to the website. Thank you so much for being here today. I know that I needed this conversation and it looks like in the comments a lot of people did as well. So thank you so much.
- [52:23]
Miko Marquette Whitlock
Thank you.
- [52:26]
Julia Campbell
Okay, that was.