GETTING REAL ABOUT SOBRIETY & POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION

Summary

Not Loveline – Episode Summary

Podcast: Not Loveline
Hosts: Tana Mongeau & Trisha Paytas
Episode Title: Getting Real About Sobriety & Postpartum Depression
Date: October 6, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into mental health and personal growth through candid conversations about sobriety, postpartum depression, self-worth, and evolving past trauma. Tana and Trisha take listener calls, offering their unique, unfiltered perspectives. Whether discussing the journey to sobriety, the tough realities of being a new mom, navigating career crossroads, or confronting relationship anxieties, the hosts blend personal anecdotes with genuine advice—always with their signature humor.

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Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. Opening Vibes & Behind the Scenes (00:00–04:00)

• The duo banters about being together for five hours, podcast routines, and recording in Trisha’s basement.
  • Quote: “We’re having the best day ever, you guys. Trisha and I have been yapping now for almost five hours...” (00:49, Tana)
• Lighthearted chats about alone time and their unconventional work environment.

2. Learning to Drive, Vintage Cars, and Responsibility (04:00–06:28)

• Tana discusses her plans to learn to drive, her anxiety, and the mildly ridiculous dream of buying a vintage car.
  • Quote: “You cannot be someone who does not drive but will not get in an Uber alone. You have to pick one.” (03:59, Tana)
• Both weigh in on the fantasy versus practicality of old cars, and Trisha shares her own experiences.

3. CALL #1: Jealousy at the Gym – Relationship Boundaries (06:38–10:26)

• Caller describes a scenario where another woman appears to flirt with her boyfriend at the gym.
• Tana and Trisha validate the caller’s feelings, emphasizing the boyfriend’s positive behavior.
  • Quote: “You’re valid. Like, okay, I’m trying to say this in the nicest possible way and it’s not coming to me…” (07:56, Tana)
• Key message: It’s about your partner’s reaction, not the external “petulant” person.
  • Quote: “The only way that this call would genuinely infuriate me... is dependent on your boyfriend’s reaction to this girl.” (09:04, Tana)

4. Makeup Artists, Personal Growth & Social Anxiety (11:08–13:43)

• The hosts discuss the importance of a good glam squad, the intimacy of working with long-time makeup artists, and how sobriety (and mental health) intersect with this lifestyle.
• Both reflect on social anxieties, evolving self-perception, and learning to forgive past “problematic” selves.

5. Career Pressures & Job Market Realities (26:32–34:17)

CALL #2: Leaving Bartending for Marketing

• Caller struggles with leaving better-tipping bartending work for an uncertain marketing career.
• Both hosts empathize, discussing the grind of bartending and the burdens of student debt.
  • Quote: “Like, dealing with drunk idiots… I’m so surprised that we don’t hear of bartender assault more.” (27:36, Tana)
  • Quote: “Why is education so expensive?” (29:16, Tana)
• They encourage shooting your shot, using social media skills, and note how persistence pays off.
  • Quote: “Life. What is life without shooting your shot? The worst thing someone can ever say to you is no.” (32:22, Tana)

6. Media, Social Presence, and Shifting Landscapes (34:31–35:59)

• Tangent about TV, content creators, and how even traditional media is now desperate for viral moments.
  • Quote: “We’ve spent so much of our life being like, I’m worth nothing unless I’m in traditional media. And now traditional media is worth nothing if it’s not...” (35:53, Tana)

7. CALL #3: Anxieties about Boyfriend’s Driving (36:03–43:45)

• Caller loves her boyfriend but feels unsafe with his slow reaction time while driving.
• Tana and Trisha discuss anxiety, control, and communication in relationships. Trisha relates to wanting to be behind the wheel.
  • Quote: “Every time you’re in the car with the person you love the most… you’re having a panic attack.” (41:12, Tana)
  • Suggestions: Prefer driving, communicate, practice prayer or mindfulness.

8. CALL #4: Postpartum Depression Support (44:50–51:20)

• Young mom caller feels overwhelmed by postpartum depression.
• Trisha shares raw experiences, including struggles with bonding, depression, and the power of asking for help.
  • Quote: “With Malibu, it was like crippling… I can’t be a mom, I regret this… Why doesn’t anyone tell you that it’s so hard?” (45:37, Trisha)
• Emphasize therapy, small self-care steps, grace, and gradual healing.
  • Quote: “So much of that is giving yourself grace… You being alive and loving your baby and wanting to, like, get better—that’s all you can do.” (48:12, Tana)

9. CALL #5: Sobriety Journey – Day One (52:31–63:14)

• Emotional caller credits the hosts for inspiring her to start her “no alcohol journey.”
  • Quote: “Every time I tried to go sober… day one is not gorgeous and glamorous…” (53:51, Tana)
• Tana recounts her own recovery, what each sober day means, and the power of “counting up” instead of down.
  • Quote: “Your life will really change when you start counting up. And I’ll never forget it because it’s, like, so true.” (56:09, Tana)
• Both discuss relapse, acceptance, and the shift in social circles sobriety brings.
  • Quote: “If all I did today was be sober, that is a productive good day.” (60:22, Tana)
  • Quote: “You are, like, sober girl now, which is, like, crazy.” (62:17, Trisha)
• Touched by the normalization of sobriety in the younger generation.

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Notable Quotes

• Tana: “You cannot be someone who does not drive but will not get in an Uber alone. You have to pick one.” (03:59)
• Trisha: “With Malibu, it was like crippling. Like, I didn’t even want to hold my baby… I regret this. Why doesn’t anyone tell you that it’s so hard?” (45:37)
• Tana: “Just take it day by day. There’d be so many days where I would feel like such a failure, but then I would go to bed that night, and I would be like, but I didn’t drink today.” (55:09)
• Trisha: “If all I did today was be sober, that is a productive good day.” (60:22)
• Tana: “Life. What is life without shooting your shot? The worst thing someone can ever say to you is no.” (32:22)

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Memorable Moments

• Trisha’s emotional honesty about postpartum regrets and healing.
• Tana’s encouragement and raw vulnerability talking about sobriety and relapse.
• The hosts’ jokes about old YouTube trends (“Let Me Borrow That Top”, “Shoes”) and how their humor balances tougher topics.
• Layered advice: sometimes serious, sometimes riotously off-the-cuff (“Spray bottle and spray him like a cat, like train.” – 43:36, Tana).

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Important Advice Sections & Timestamps

• Dealing with Jealousy/Boundaries in Relationships: 06:38–10:26
• Career Anxiety/Bartending vs. Degrees: 26:32–34:17
• Navigating Social Anxiety and Self-Worth: 20:32–22:11
• Postpartum Depression—Seeking Help & Self-Care: 44:50–51:20
• Sobriety—Starting, Relapsing, Finding Community: 52:31–63:14

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Tone & Style

True to both hosts, the tone swings from irreverent to deeply sincere. Their openness about past mistakes, mental health, and identity is always laced with warmth and a little self-deprecation—making the advice as relatable as it is real.

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For Listeners New or Old

This episode is essential if you:

• Struggle with feelings of isolation (new mom, newly sober, career confusion)
• Value honesty about mental health and recovery
• Want to laugh and cry with two wildly real internet icons

Final Takeaway:
No matter your journey—be it sobriety, motherhood, love, or self-acceptance—you’re not alone. “Give yourself grace”—and it’s okay to ask for help, celebrate even the small wins, and let yourself start over as many times as you need.

Transcript

[A]

I'm trying to say this in, like, the nicest possible way, and it's not coming to me.

[B]

It's fine. Just say it as you feel hate like that.

[A]

He's the one who blackmailed me and extorted me. He was, like, my worst boyfriend ever. The way these bitches can make me cry at the drop of a hat.

[B]

You just had a baby, and it's postpartum, like, everything, but, like, nothing people say will, like, help you. Like, you still start crying out of.

[A]

Nowhere, but just take it day by day. There'd be so many days where I would feel like such a failure, but then I would go to bed that night, and I would be like, but I didn't drink today.

[B]

Hello, welcome to Not Loveline, where we answer your calls, and that's all we do. We don't even talk.

[A]

Yeah, we literally. All we do is answer calls. We're so, so Callie.

[B]

I love Callie. I love Kali and love answering calls. And I love you. I love today's vibes.

[A]

We're having the best day ever, you guys. And we. Trisha and I have been yapping now for almost five hours. Five hours of just talking to each other, and we're finally ready to take some co. Ready.

[B]

Call us today at this number right here. Join us on Patreon patreon.com not loveline, where it's really an extended podcast. Sometimes it gets a little actual over there, but this last one, we kind of just did a little more therapy session, more deep dive into trauma that we've had together and separate and. But then we did talk about queefing, too, so there's something for everyone over there.

[A]

The duality of woman. You know what I mean? Queefing and trauma. Like, you can't ask for much more.

[B]

And it's all there on patreon.com not loveline. It really is love taking calls over there. We did take one call over there, as opposed to the last episode where we took no calls. So we are.

[A]

And sometimes we take them 43 calls, you know what I mean?

[B]

And see if Tana gets stuck in the plant over there.

[A]

Always the second episode of the day, too, because then I start, like, getting locks in the chair. Because the first episode, I'm never fighting with the plant.

[B]

Well, I also think you keep pushing it back. Like, when you're, like, eating and then you, like, come up. I think it pushes back a little bit.

[A]

Yeah. I create a little space down here to nestle. And, like, I have all my snacks and stuff on the table. It's just. I love it here. I've been saying all day, I live here. Like, I. If you're wondering, like, when I'm not online, like, I'm just still in Trisha's basement.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I never leave.

[B]

I know. I was like, I have, like, somewhere to. Well, I was texting. That's what I was doing.

[A]

I was, like, so sorry.

[B]

It's, like, so rude. Like, I hate. I really hate texting because I like to be present because I never see anyone, and so I'm like, oh, I want to be present. And I'm so sorry. I was, like, texting for, like, 10 or 15 minutes and, like, no. Like, you could literally leave and I'd still be here. And I was like, kind of love that. Yeah.

[A]

She's so sweet. She's like, sorry. I was on my phone. I was like, trisha, you could leave and come back, and you'd come back and I'd be like, vibing with Aquaman down here. Feet up.

[B]

Like, that'd be so cute one day. Yeah, you should, like, babysit them. That'd I would love. We were here, like, alone. Like, Devin and Megan left the room, and I was like, I don't know if we've ever been, like, alone. And I asked, and I was like, when's the last time you've been, like, alone by yourself without anyone around?

[A]

I'm, like, never, ever alone by myself. That you, like. I do really like it, being around people and whenever. But whenever I'm alone, I, like, have different thoughts and I, like, clear my head and I'm, like, more productive, and, like, I'm like, I should do this more. And then I don't because you don't.

[B]

Like, you don't drive. So that's, like, always when I'm alone, I, like, think of things and, like, listen. So it's like, I'm like, when do you have, like, your alone time?

[A]

No, like, when I'm. I poop a lot and is that alone?

[B]

Are you on your phone?

[A]

Yeah, I'm probably still on my phone most of the time.

[B]

I said you were doing a tick tock in the bathroom last time.

[A]

So I'm like, why?

[B]

You're never alone. You're never alone.

[A]

I'm learning to drive though. This Maui trip. I'm gonna make mokoa teach me. I got a car mount for camera to try to film it, and I'm really excited to actually lock in and try to learn. So.

[B]

No way are you gonna film it? Yes, everything. Are you gonna film it?

[A]

For sure. I want to like, especially because him actually, I think he'll be like a serious teacher like anyone else who's ever taught me. And I filmed it like their goal was like a good video.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Whereas his goal is for me to learn to drive. So I think, like, do you think it won?

[B]

I think it was. Was it Jake Shane or somebody was like, there's no like, point. Someone asked him if he drove and he said it didn't. I don't know if it was him. Right. It was him. And then someone else was saying, like, there's really like no point to drive anymore because there are like Ubers and just everything like at your.

[A]

Yeah, it's I. And I like in the years where I would have been learning Uber had came about and like, I just have always, like, didn't need it. But now I have u driver anxiety and it's like, you cannot be someone who does not drive but will not get in an Uber alone. You have to pick one.

[B]

Right, right, right.

[A]

And yeah, I'm just. I really want a vintage car these days. Like, imagine like a fun convertible like down Sunset, like so it's motivating me.

[B]

Love it. But I do think of like there was an episode of the Crashians like last season that Travis Barker, because he loves old cars and he got like a Cadillac Deville 1960 and it like broke down on the freeway on the 405 because they're like, not reliable cars.

[A]

Yeah, that's so true. But then it's like, I. I don't know. I don't. I also don. Want my first car to be some crate. Like if it. If. Because I've been looking on like Facebook Marketplace and there are like cute vintage cars for like $8,000 or something, which.

[B]

Is so I would trust. It's a lot. But I don't know if I would trust $8,000 vintage car.

[A]

It's true. But like, even if I then like had to get it fixed and then got a nice car, like, at least I'm like using something that's like more because like, I don't know, like. What do you mean? I know how to drive for a month and I go buy a Urus.

[B]

Like, well, not bad, but you could do like a Ford.

[A]

That's true. Yeah.

[B]

I love a vintage car too. I just. I had one. I had. What did I have? A 1970 Charger. And it was a sad boy one. And I was like, yeah, it was. But couldn't drive it because also the smog checks are hard to Pass. When they're like older than 1970, the upkeep is crazy. I couldn't even. I don't even think it was like, legal to drive it on the road. Like, it's so hard to get them legally safe to drive. It's like a whole thing.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

I mean, I'm not here trying to like, dm.

[A]

No, you probably should, but you can.

[B]

Get like a nice Jeep or something for $20,000.

[A]

I guess that's really true. Okay. I'm so irresponsible and, like, that's such a testament to who I am. Like the yin or the yang. It's like, I want an eight thousand dollar vintage convertible that barely drives. Or like a Urus and like, no in between. And it's like, how about Ikea imbecile? It's like, I don't know how people listen to me talk or how this is my job. Disregard everything I just said.

[B]

No, but that's like, so real. Like, you don't know. Like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, how would. How would I want to know either? I don't know half these things and you just, like, learn it along the way.

[A]

But I don't know, maybe I'll get something that Makoa would want so he can drive it most of the time and then, like, I'll just drive it now and again because the only reason I would see myself driving alone is to, like, blast music and be a sad girl and, like, do that.

[B]

I think you, like, love driving along. Like, even for me to get my, like, nails done or something. Like, I love driving alone because it is just like, alone time for, like, I don't know. But you don't, like, love being alone.

[A]

So I love music, though. Like, the idea, like, I love getting in a car and playing music. So the idea of, like, being alone and, like, belting Adele and no one's there to, like, look at me does really entice me.

[B]

I think you'll like driving even a little bit. I don't drive a lot either, but the little bit that I do, I enjoy it. So.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. Should we take a call? Because, you know, we could keep yapping.

[A]

So much about anything and everything. Yeah, let's take a call. We're here to help on our advice show where we take calls.

[C]

Hi, Trish and Tana. I love you guys so much. And I love the Not Loveline podcast. I'm just leaving this voicemail today because I just had a quick question. So there's this gym that me and My boyfriend go to and there's this girl that always likes to talk to my boyfriend. They used to chat a little bit before we started dating. One time they were talking and I walked up and she kind of ignored my existence. But my boyfriend obviously introduced me to her. And then after that situation, I saw her at the gym one time and I tried to say hi and she acted like she didn't know me. But she still proceeds to only go up to my boyfriend when I'm not around to ask him weird questions like what kind of running shoes she should get and dumb like that. I don't know if I'm just being crazy and jealous or if it's valid of me to think that this is a trifling.

[A]

I love her.

[C]

What is your opinion on it?

[A]

Oh my God, I love her. First of all, like, thank you for the call. I think you're so emotionally intelligent, genuinely. And like, I think, you know, you're valid. But if you need reassurance, you are valid. Like, okay, I'm trying to say this in like the nicest possible way and it's not coming to me.

[B]

It's fine. Just say it as you feel.

[A]

I hate like that so much. Like, how do you sleep at night? Like, I just, I don't get it. It's like I just. Even at like my worst, like I just would never. If I saw a man with his girlfriend, I never would want to partake in a conversation with the man that would make the girlfriend feel like she's on the outs and maybe she's going through something where she's insecure and she needs this validation and that wants to feel like, oh, like I can take your man, you know, if I want to and like, whatever. But like.

[B]

Sorry, no, that person is definitely insecure, hates themselves. Because I definitely have been like that person. Not to the extent I don't have the confidence to do that, but I probably would like know someone was with someone and like just have the lowest self esteem and like if this is all I can get as a side piece, I'll be the side piece. You know what I mean? So that girl probably does to go up is bold. Like talk to him. Like if you're not around or whatever.

[A]

Pretending not to know her, like you're, you're certifiably insane.

[B]

Yeah, no, that person is. Yeah. Has a little more mental problems probably. But you know. Yeah, you're super valid and.

[A]

But you're also in a good place. You know what I mean? Because the only way that this call would Genuinely infuriate me. Or like, I would say that there are red flags is dependent on your boyfriend's reaction to this girl. And it seems like he's introducing you, he's leading with you, he's going with you. And, like, I can imagine that happening to me. And this girl's coming up to Mokoa and she's like, what running shoes do I get? And he's like, I don't know. You know, like, he wouldn't know what. Like, he's not doing anything wrong in the scenario. You know what I mean? Like, there's just this petulant.

[B]

Yeah. If someone's doing it to him and he's not, like, giving the, you know.

[A]

The same in return, and hopefully she'll just stop. I think you just, like, laugh at it. Like, next time she does it, like, you should just sit there staring dead at her. Like, laugh chuckling a little, you know, it's like, that's funny.

[B]

Yeah, I agree. There was a. There was a podcast clip. I don't know whose podcast it was, but there was these ladies talking about how it's like. It's like Megan Fox, right? Like, when her partners cheat. Like, the girls do it because they want to say they, like, slept with Megan Fox's boyfriend. It's not even about the guy. They're just, like, trying. They're this weird, like, thing in their head. Like, I got Megan Fox's boyfriend to, like, cheat on her. You know what I mean? And it's like, really has nothing to do with, like, the girl. It's just the guy also being. Yes.

[A]

And like, that. Your man sounds like he is being very noble. I think you wear your hottest workout set, you laugh, and honestly, right in the middle of the gym. You know what I mean? Just have sex right on that treadmill in front of her and don't do that.

[B]

But, you know, it's not at the Aloe Gym. Could you imagine? Yes, I got an invite to an Aloe Gym. Yeah. But as a plus one. I don't know if it's like, it's not from Alo. I was like, do I. Are you sure? Alice said it was okay?

[A]

We're so. We're in such a new era. Like, we have to go. We. I didn't do anything.

[B]

Doing Pilates at all.

[A]

We're gonna be so.

[B]

That would be everything. Because I was like, do they have to give approval? Because he's like, yeah, you can just come and out with me. And I was like, I don't know if that's how it works. But you know. Yeah. You have to go. Yeah, go.

[A]

I'm sitting here talking about the Aloe gym and running to the bathroom for my animal fries. I look like I just got electrocuted. Like what? I don't know how to style my bob yet. I don't know how to Pamela bond with my Bob.

[B]

So feel like you were giving Pamela. Cuz it's all about the two front.

[A]

Pieces now I'm giving Pamela who stuck a fork in an outlet. Like it's actually scary.

[B]

Your hair is very smooth. Mine's very frizzy. Yours is very smooth.

[A]

I love you so much.

[B]

I love you so much. You have so many more rings.

[A]

I. I do have more. Maureen got me one. Maureen got me a cardier pinky ring and she engraved girl boss on the inside of it, which is so cute.

[B]

I'm just like love her.

[A]

I love her so much.

[B]

Are you going to do another collab? You think I in the works?

[A]

I mean I would like work with tarte for the rest of my life because they're just so. I don't know. I'm obsessed with them. Like all of the vegan, cruelty free. They're obsessed with giving back. That's like all they do. It's all women.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All the best things that I think a company.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like it's like they are my goals. Like if I could be anything like her, I. I love it.

[B]

She has everything. And I just thought they just collabed with love Shack. Fancy.

[A]

Yeah. For fashion week and how crazy. Like just already like three more tarte collabs have like they're just pumping them.

[B]

Out so on and I'm like, no, what about me? I know, it's insane. Well, I'm sure they'll definitely want to collab with you more.

[A]

I want to bring it back for the holidays just because it's sold out.

[B]

But that's exciting.

[A]

Let me stop talking about wanting to drop beauty products while I look like I stuck a fork in an outlet.

[B]

And you look so good. You look so. I know it was crazy to see you at the tart party and you're just like so like you always look beautiful. I love you natural. But then seeing you like full on Pamela Anderson just like. And I was like, wow, it's that Alexis Oakley beat. She's great Kim hair really well, I mean she's, she's talented. But you know how certain people just know your face.

[A]

Yes. And it's so crazy because I. Even if I have other People that are, like, just as talented, like, in, like, good makeup artists. I don't like the makeup as much. Like, me too.

[B]

There's some, like, amazing people. I've. I mean, I won't even say, but the people, like, working with Kardashians, something that have done my makeup too, and it's like, it doesn't hit the way it hits a Kardashian's face.

[A]

Yeah. It's like their Kardashian face beat. Like, yeah. Alexis and I have, like, literally morphed into one. Like, I feel like when she does my makeup, it's like a Tana Mongeau beat.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like, but done by Alexis. So, like, you know what I mean? She knows my face, so.

[B]

And, like, the style that seems to. Yeah. That's why I, like, work with Aria, too, because she's like. I've just known her for, like, 12 years, so she just, like, knows and.

[A]

Time, like, you know what I mean? Because, like, it's so crazy. Like, you're standing over, like, physically. Imagine standing over someone and doing their makeup. I think it's so hard.

[B]

So hard.

[A]

So it's like. It's so crazy. I love Alexis.

[B]

Oklahoma. I love it too. She's so busy. She literally is like, we need to clap. I'm like, girl, you are flying to VMAs, to Michaela, then you're at tarte with Tana, and then you're an influencer getting your boobs done. And, like, I was like, you're so busy. Like, so literally.

[A]

I told her the other day for the party, I wasn't. I asked her to glam me that day, and I was like, I wasn't gonna ask you because I think you're so busy. And she was like, no, you can always ask me. Like, I want to do this. Like, whatever. And I was like, period.

[B]

I love her. She's so real, too, because she talks about her GLP1 use on her tik tok, and she talks about plast surgery, and she's kind of, like, just a real girl. I love her.

[A]

And just like, yeah. Like, her grind is insane. Like, I always even just think about with me the times where, like, I was so drunk and late, like, the amount of times where I would buy an Alexis Oakley beat from her, I would pay her to come do my makeup, and then I would be too hungover, and then I would just have someone else get it, like, because she was already there. And it's like. But then it's like, consider it. Like, Paige would be full beat. On a day where we're just now sitting at the house because I'm hungover. Like, it's her patience with me through all of my eras is like. And my adhd. We were talking about this earlier. Like, a lot of people don't want to glam someone who's talking like, right. Don't want to glam someone with posture.

[B]

Don't want to people. The glams that have been doing it for so long are just so used to it. Like, Ari will be like, I've literally glam people passed out. Like, they'll be like, sleeping or in the van or like, whatever. You just. You just make it work. I'm like, what do you mean they were passed out?

[A]

Like, Alexis has done that too. Yeah, I'm asleep. And she was doing my makeup. Like, what are you?

[B]

Amazing. We love. We love a glam squad. They're amazing.

[A]

It's so talented. It's just like, the talent is crazy.

[B]

And she is like her own influencer. She's, like, going on tour and stuff, too. So I'm like, you're busy. Like, you're taking clients. And.

[A]

And just like, anything she's ever want, she made happen for herself, which I love to see in a woman, you know?

[B]

Of course, the manifestation is real.

[A]

So real.

[B]

Should we take and. Well, I said, take another call. As Devin was standing up, I was like, let's take another call.

[A]

Let's take another call. I love that. Does it ever feel so good for you to just be like, let's take another call?

[B]

That should be our song. Let's take another call.

[A]

Let's take another call.

[B]

It's giving. What is that?

[A]

Get some shoes. Yes.

[B]

How. You must have been eight when that came out, because I was, like, 18. Oh, my gosh. How do you remember that?

[A]

I don't know. I just do. Kelly.

[B]

Was that her name? And she would do let's Get Some Shoes, and it was like, I just.

[A]

Used that as a song on one of my Instagram posts. Like, that was a pivotal time for me. I don't know why.

[B]

Crazy. You remember that? And he did another one. What was the other one? It was shoes. And I don't know.

[A]

I don't know any other one. I just know shoes. And then what was. That was the same time as the Gummy Bear song. Do you remember that?

[B]

Like, Gummy Bear What? No. I already hate it.

[A]

You would hate it.

[B]

Muffins. Was there another one? Type in, like, Kelly, borrow that top. Let me borrow that top. That was the other one. Let me Borrow that top.

[A]

Let me borrow that top. And, like, that's a thing to say.

[B]

Bring Kelly back. And Kelly on the podcast. What's name? Liam. Liam Sutherland or something. Liam Kyle.

[A]

I love Sutherland. That'd be so iconic if we did, like, a shoes remix.

[B]

Please call Kelly.

[A]

Kelly. That's like. No, that's. You're. That's like, a thought right there. In my opinion, we need to shoot.

[B]

Collab so we can promote it.

[A]

Yes. Shoe dazzle.

[B]

Right away.

[A]

We're, like, in sync today.

[B]

Shoe mint.

[A]

Like, every. You keep saying things where I was like, I'm gonna say that.

[B]

That is really weird. I know. I do feel like a weird. I don't know what it is. Today is, like, a good vibe day, and I'm not really sure why, but.

[A]

We'Re like, on the same frequency. That's how I feel today. Yeah. Other than my bowel movements.

[B]

Honestly, I was worried, though. Before he came, I. My hairdresser brought me La La Land, and she was like, oh, the person there was, like, a fan. They want to bring you all these treats. So I had, like, La Land has, like, cookie cris. Like a cookie croissant. And then they also got me a latte, which I don't usually drink coffee and coffee usually. So I was, like, worried too.

[A]

That could be why too. Like, the coffee could just have you on, like, a bubbly vibe.

[B]

That. That could be. I worry about a crash out because I don't really have, like, caffeine so hard.

[A]

And I keep drinking it, and I keep trying to quit, keep going. Are you a coffee drink?

[B]

You haven't drinking one since you've been.

[A]

Here, but I drink a double espresso, like, upon waking up. And then, like, I probably crashed like, an hour ago. And now I'm, like, short of breath and, like, need a benzodiazepine or just another coffee. Yeah, that's true.

[B]

Have you been doing the green tea? Do you like that?

[A]

I do like that. But people who are like, it's the same energy as coffee. I'm just talking about Ashley. She's always saying that, and I'm like, no, it's not.

[B]

Oh, my God, I need ash. I want to make banana bread with her. I've been on a banana bread kick, and I'm literally. Else can get me. I've had, like, 10 people bring me banana bread, and I can't have enough.

[A]

I'm like, so many more because Ashley loves you so much. Like, Ashley when we first met.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

The first thing we ever bonded over was Shane Dawson. And you. Wait, really? Like 10 years ago, we bonded over this. She was like, I love this girl, Trisha Paytas. And I was like, I know.

[B]

That is.

[A]

I love her too.

[B]

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Music sounds awful.

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[A]

Thank you, Ro, for sponsoring today's episode of Not Love Life. And she's always like, we'll be like, come with us. And she's like, but I just don't like that. Like, you know what I mean? Like, almost like your idols are not wanting to, like, have to. She's like, I don't want to have to, like, respond to her when she talks to me.

[B]

Like, that's crazy. I'd be so intimidated because she's, like, the kind of girl intimidates me, for sure. Sure. Like, just a blonde that looks perfect and, like, skinny. And she is so perfect.

[A]

It's crazy. But she's like, she loves you so much.

[B]

Maybe I'll come over me, inviting myself be like, I want to make banana bread bake.

[A]

She would die. Like, it'd be so I. And you both are, like, you'd get along so well.

[B]

I comment on, like, all her things. I'm always like, love you. And that's.

[A]

She's like, she, like, loves it, and she loves you so much. She's been with you through every journey. And I'm like, oh, my God.

[B]

I love. I love. Okay, that makes me happy.

[A]

She's like, but I don't know. I wouldn't know how to respond to her. She's so anxious.

[B]

That is me, too, though. I am.

[A]

Yeah. You guys are very similar, honestly.

[B]

Oh, we were, like, talking. Yeah, we're talking like a babysitter. The other day, we were, like, trying to find a babysitter just to have, like, sometimes when we need, you know, like, going out tonight or something like that. And if my mom's here, but just in case. And I. We're talking, and I got so anxious, like, meeting someone new. I was just like, I don't know if I could do this. Like, I physically, like, hid. Like, afterwards, after, like, an hour, I was like, I need to go hide because I don't know how to, like, saying bye. Like, I'm so.

[A]

That's so weird. I'm the same. I'm literally the same same.

[B]

I get. I get weirdly anxious. I just, like. I don't know. It's a very. Me too.

[A]

It's like. It's almost like a thought of. For me at least being perceived. I'll be like, why did I say that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I'm imagining the other person perceiving me.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel the same way. Which is, like, not a good way to be because.

[A]

Yes, I have to, like, get out of that. And like, same exposure therapy for everything. Like, everything that I hate doing or makes me anxious. I keep just trying to do it anyway.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel the same. Like, after going to your party, I was like, oh, I should do this more. Like, it's like one of those things. You know what I mean? Like, it does feel good to, like. Like, people know you and you. You're nice and people like you. And it's like, oh, okay. Like, maybe I just need, like, get out more. Well.

[A]

And like, I don't know. At least I do, like, hold a lot. Like, sometimes I hold the idea of myself to, like, who I once was versus who I am now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, when I was, like, super problematic. Like, I'll enter a party and I'll be like, oh, my God, like, I've probably talked about half these people, and I was so problematic. And no one wants to, like, be in a photo with me or be seen with me, and I'm not good enough to be here. And then I'm like, wait, I'm a completely different person.

[B]

Yeah, I. But that's, like, so real because it comes from, like, past trauma of people not wanting to be photographed with you. And, like, that's like, a real thing. And I. I feel the same way because it's like, I totally get it. You know what I mean? But the rejection is still awful, even if you, like, totally get it sometimes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it is there. And if you're a different person, you're a different person. And if people don't like it, it's okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And yeah, I agree. I. And okay, side note, but have you. Do you go with, like, a photographer with you to places?

[A]

I have.

[B]

I love this trend. At your party specifically, there were so many people that had, like, either was their friend or, like, a photographer friend, but they all had, like, professional cameras with them.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And they're like, oh, I'm his photographer through the night. And I was like, is this a thing? Because first of all, love it. And I have photographers I use, but I'm like, people do that.

[A]

Like, I. I only did that because it's my party. Like, I probably wouldn't bring. I used to though, like, me, like, in my Jake Paul era, we brought a photographer everywhere we went. Like, Everything.

[B]

Like, both of you. I love it. I love it. I'm so not game, but I'm like, when is it appropriate? When is it not? Can I always bring a photographer with me? Because I would bring.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

With me to in and out. To be like, two.

[A]

Every. Every celebrity brings a content person with them everywhere.

[B]

That is so true. We're talking about that. Yeah. How they just have tick tocks. Right. Which I love too.

[A]

But if you think about it, it's so, like, dystopian. I've never thought about this. Like, it is crazy. Like, now all the time. Like, someone's social media person is there and that's their full job.

[B]

It's crazy. Yeah. I'll be like, they're like, a couple times. It's happened to me the past couple months, I have, like. Like, lists of tick tocks to do, and I'm like, this is so genius. Because it's me fumbling. Like, even when we film, I'm always like, we should do tick tocks.

[A]

I'm like, I just saved one in the potty for us.

[B]

Did you say one? Well, you're good at it. Yeah. I'm really bad with sound, so usually it's just me. Like, when we're eating, I'm like, let's just film. Or like, you were doing Malibu's hair just, like, naturally. I was like, like, let's just film. It's just so funny. And Malibu, it's authentic, though. Talk about dystopian. Like, kids growing up. And it's not obviously. I mean, I'm an influencer, of course. So she just sees me, like, talking to the camera. So she kind of sees it, but just in general, people have cell phones now, and, like, we didn't as kids. And so it is a weird world.

[A]

Like, where she knows how to, like, start and stop the recording.

[B]

Yes. And also, like, she played with slime. She's like, hi, guys. This is slime. When I left the room, she just started being like, this is slime. And she's, like, playing with it. And I was like, it is actually so weird. And granted, she sees me do it, but, like, people who don't, they still know how to do that stuff.

[A]

And isn't it so, so funny that, like, I don't know. I don't know how you felt when you sat down and you filmed your first few YouTube videos, but, like, I remember how much people talk to me in real life. Like, until I was successful, like, I had so many, like, hometown haters, and now they're like, Sucking the fart out of my. But like, you know what I mean? Like, it wasn't like, because you were.

[B]

Still in school when you were making videos?

[A]

No, I had already dropped out, but.

[B]

From your first video.

[A]

But yeah, but I think. Think I'm pretty sure.

[B]

Oh, wow. I saw one of you and your ex boyfriend, and that was so crazy. Like, your boyfriend from high school or something like that. And I was like, he's the one.

[A]

Who blackmailed me and extorted me. He was like, my worst boyfriend ever. Isn't that crazy because you guys were.

[B]

Together for a while, right? Like a couple years. You look so cute. I mean, you guys were like. You were so, like, young and whatever, you guys. And he had a YouTube channel. You guys were so cute because you're like, we're gonna go film one for his channel next. I was like, I love it. Well, I guess I didn't know. I loved it in the time capsule.

[A]

And me, I think at that time, too, I wanted to be like, look, I'm gonna. Because, like, couple goals was such a thing. Like, I wanted that. And camera. We were whatever the. The opposite of couple goals was, but, like, sad. I know, but, like, you know, for the aesthetic. Yeah. And like, I wanted. Hid, like, our relationship to be something that it just wasn't and, like, wanted him to be someone he wasn't. You know what I mean?

[B]

You're young, but I mean, I was like 26. Faking relationship. I'm like, I need a relationship too, because, you know, it's just like. Yeah. At least you had one. I guess.

[A]

I guess that's true.

[B]

Better a fake relationship or a toxic relationship.

[A]

Oh, my God, a fake one.

[B]

Yeah, I guess you're right.

[A]

No question. No question. Better.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

[A]

Toxic is the worst.

[B]

Yeah, I know. I guess. Know you're in one till you're out of one.

[A]

Because it's so true. For so long. I was thinking about the other day. I was thinking about how many times I've actually been in love versus, like, being trauma bonded to someone or like, maybe we were just friends, but, like. And, like, trying to date, but, like, the love wasn't really there. Like, oh. And it's not that many times, like, you know what I mean?

[B]

Like, in love. Like, I don't think I probably been in love with the idea of people, but I don't think I've ever been in love. Mutually.

[A]

Yeah. Like somebody crazy. Yeah. Mutually is a whole other roller coaster. Yeah.

[B]

Are we in love with each other? Yeah. No.

[A]

Like, oh, my God.

[B]

No, it's not. Actually. When I think about all the times, like, I don't think anyone. No, I know. I don't even think people. I was gonna say no one loved me for sure. I don't know if anyone even liked me. Maybe in the fake relationship, he might have liked me as a friend, but, like, I don't think anyone loves.

[A]

But how nuts, too. Like, people's intentions and like, oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah. No, I've had people hate me, actually, in relationships, I've had people who've hated me, and I was like, that's crazy.

[A]

No. And then looking back and being like, oh, my God. Like, I wanted this to work so much, and you literally hated my guts.

[B]

Yes. I feel like you have a talk right now. I love it. Oh, you have to go potty. I thought you were talking to me. I was like, I love this dance. We're back for a call.

[A]

We're back for a call. Just ate a bunch of Tums.

[C]

Hey, Trish. Hey, Santa. I have a question about my future career. I'm graduating in January from college, and I'm currently a bartender in Jersey. My problem is that I make a lot of money bartending, but it drains me so much mentally to deal with drunk people when I'm not drinking and I'm taking care of their bills and cards and things of that nature. And I don't know how I'm gonna match the money I make with a degree because the job market is so horrible. I've had two internships for New York Fashion Week that they've been unpaid, and I'm just really stuck because I'm gonna graduate and have so much debt, and I don't really know how I'm gonna make as much as I make bartending with the degree I have, the degrees in marketing. Leave your advice. Thank you.

[B]

Bye, guys. Love you.

[A]

Oh, my God. Our queen. I can't actually. I just want to, like, hats off. We probably have a lot who listen to all bartenders out there because, like. Like, dealing with I drunk idiots. I say that as my experience of being the drunk idiot. Like, I'm so surprised that we don't hear of bartender assault. More like of bartenders just slapping people in the face, like, yeah.

[B]

As they should. My mom was a. Has been. Was a bartender for 40 years. A career bartender. She retired at 63. Bartending at the airport. And it's like, yeah, bartending is no joke. She would have the worst stories.

[A]

And as a woman, like, think about all the times that, like, you've been at a bar and you're watching a man harass the female, female bartender and like, he should have been cut off three old fashions ago. And like, I completely understand wanting to get out of that. Marketing is so cool too. And like, I just want to give you your flowers for like, taking those internships because it's hard to find the time. No one wants to do anything for free. Like, you're putting your passion first and like, still trying to do those things. And you seem like you're hungry, you know what I mean? Like, you're well aware that this job that you're working is good, but it's not good for your mental health, but you still want to work. Like, whatever is meant for you is going to come for you, you know? And I just. Oh, I feel, I feel sad.

[B]

Oh, yeah, it's. It's the student debt of it all too, is so awful. Like, I really feel like. I don't know if, like, other countries are like this, but I feel like we should do something because we pay so much in taxes. Like, how come there's like, not tax breaks on these kind of things, you know what I mean? Like, if you're going to school, they should like, pay people to go to school because that means they're like, educating people to work for the country and their government and stuff. So it's like, why are we not paying people to go to school rather than having people like, go into debt?

[A]

Why is an education so expensive?

[B]

That was never an option for me. Like, college was never an option. Even community college was like, too expensive. Like, that was never an option because I was like, there's no way I can afford 30,000, 60,000. I mean, I think up to 150 they go so expensive.

[A]

So it was like one of the main reasons I dropped out. I was like, even if I graduate, I'm never going to afford to be able to go to college.

[B]

Oh, I see. High school.

[A]

Yeah. But I remember, like, even at my young age, knowing, like, this is not even in my. My cards. Like, you know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah, it's. And yeah, like, what do you do you feel so stuck.

[A]

I. Oh my God.

[B]

I mean, if it's really bad for your mental health, obviously prioritize that first. I know and I know how hard it is. My mom ancestor are both career. They were career bartenders. And the stories are actually sad and disgusting.

[A]

And honestly, I will say that there's a part of me that's like, if you're passionate about marketing, there's so many social media side hustles that like, encapsulate marketing. I feel like every time I see a tik tok that's over a minute, so the person's definitely making money where they're. Where someone's talking about the marketing behind a campaign or a celebrity something or like a celebrity's in a scandal and a marketing major comes online and talks about why they're in the scandal. Like, I stop and I watch that video in full, therefore, putting money in that creator's pocket. Like, yeah, I wouldn't write on. And you're calling into this show so you're already kind of interested in, like, social media stuff. You're studying marketing. I would not put off how clearly intelligent you are and maybe what you have to offer the world, world, it's giving.

[B]

Be better. Do you know be better.

[A]

I love be better.

[B]

He's up and down all the time. People love him, People hate him. But he is. I think he's like a PhD in marketing.

[A]

I don't know what he's done that's wrong. Don't come for me. I just.

[B]

If I see you bad, I don't.

[A]

Think if I see a Be better. Like, breakdown on like, like the Sydney Sweeney one. Like, I watched three times. Like, I. He messaged me and he was like, if you want any help with like, your book and the marketing around your book. And I responded and I was like, I'm calling you as soon as it's done.

[B]

This girl, she'll. Yeah, no, it's so true. Shoot your shot. Like we talked about earlier, it's like girl boss town.

[A]

She made a whole career on yes, marketer marketing. And like, it's so interesting now, especially because everything is marketing.

[B]

That is actually so true. That's. Yeah, I like what you said. Like, make a tick tock about it. Reach out to people. It could benefit them. I love when people email me. Obviously I knew Devin, but like, when you would email me a bunch and I was like, oh, this guy's like, persistent. And then like after, you know, then you, like, see the resume, you see the. And then we met each other, obviously, and.

[A]

But everyone needs marketing help. Like, whatever. If you're passionate, if you have a favorite clothing brand that you wear, like, don't think that you're too small at where you're at to reach out and be like, oh, my God, like, do you guys need any marketing help? Like, people.

[B]

I look at my emails all the time. I met another guy named Ben Verde who kept emailing me. I was like, I can get you guys food for the podcast. And then one day he's like, I can get you all the wicked buckets from all the AMCs. And I was like, all right, come bring up. And he literally came on the podcast, brought me. He's like, so good, so smart, so talented. And it's like, you really do meet people through emails. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, especially persistence, like, when you keep seeing the same name over and over the way they're written. And you obviously sound very smart, but, like, if it's written like, well, you're in. They sound like these impressive resumes. Ben had one, too, and I was just like, I like this person. I am. Yeah, like, shooting a shot.

[A]

Life. What is life without shooting your shot? The worst thing someone can ever say to you is no. And, like, we were talking about this in a previous episode, but rejection is a form of protection. What's not meant for you won't happen. Eventually someone. Someone will say yes, and it will change your life.

[B]

Change your life. And we talked about manifesting, too, in an earlier episode. And it's also like, manifesting is real for sure, but you also have to be, like, active about what you want. So it's like, obviously I can't know you and, you know, hire you for marketing. If you don't ask, if you don't come out and be like, here, I can help you with this.

[A]

So true. Even, like, you calling in today and, like, us choosing your call and, like, telling you this, like, universally, like, something is going to come from all of this, and I think you're already putting yourself into new positions. Maybe, like. And I just. Yeah, email us.

[B]

Email us how to benefit. Yeah, benefit from marketing, because I don't even really know what it means, but maybe I could use it.

[A]

It's one of the most interesting career paths and things to study. I've always said, like, if I was just, like, free, had all the free time in the world and, like, could go to school for free for something or whatever. Marketing. So especially in today's society, like, so many degrees, unfortunately, are becoming more and more useless and antiquated because of. Of, like, technology and, like, jobs and all the things. Like, people will always need marketing, you.

[B]

Know, so that's cool because I love our long answers. We gave her 5,000 answers to that question. Maybe good, maybe not, but hopefully.

[A]

I mean, listen, I just wish you the best. Regardless. I'm passionate because that sucks.

[B]

Oh, and bartending. Yeah, Like. Well, I will say, like I said My two of my favorite women and two of the strongest women, my mom and my sister, are bartenders. And you're very strong for making it through. And you just get that coin. Get that bag.

[A]

And I'm just apologizing to you for all of the awful drunk people in the world.

[C]

World.

[B]

There is nothing worse than being around drunks when you're like, not. I. Yeah.

[A]

I can't believe I was, like, the opposite side of that problem for so long. Like, truly, like, I will be trying to make reparations for that until I'm on my deathbed. Okay. Not all heroes wear cape, Steva.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we love you.

[B]

We love. You should take another call. That's a great one.

[A]

Yeah, I'm really. I call us back if anything changes, too. Like, I just. If she ends up getting a cool.

[B]

Job or something, or if we become like, watch what happens live. And we need a bartender in the background. Maybe she can bartend. Here, here.

[A]

I love that about watch what happens live. I've never thought about that. Are people, like, drunk when they go on that?

[B]

They asked me to be the bartender when I did my Broadway show, but I couldn't even speak during my Broadway show, so we had to cancel it. But I was like, that day I landed, I was supposed to watch what happens live as the bartender. I was so excited. And then, like, I couldn't even talk, and I was like, I can't do it. Yeah. I feel like it's easy, though. They, like, it's very easy to get on if you want to do it again.

[A]

Oh, my God. That's cool.

[B]

But, yeah, I don't think they. Do they even bartend? I don't know. They just kind of stand back there, right? They're just in the background. It's like, you're not. And I was asked to be the bartender, so it's like. It's like you're not cool enough to be a guest, so I carry you be a bartender. I was like, okay, because you're not really in the conversation. Sometimes they ask you to say something, and not really, but I was like, well, I don't.

[A]

Like, I only ever see clips of that show.

[B]

Like, I've never known. I don't even know where you watch it. It seems like a fake show.

[A]

Bravo, probably bravo.

[D]

YouTube basically reposts the best moments from everyone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think TV shows. It's so funny. I'm like, my whole goal is have a TV show, but I think people do TV shows now just to get clips for, like, tick tock for sure. They don't even care about the tv. Yeah.

[A]

Like, it's so rare that, like a show is insane and like really like streamed like crazy.

[B]

And it's crazy how much TV, like mainstream, like even SNL, like, they want you to do like so many TikToks for them. It's like, okay, we're gonna do this one. Have you seen the stage for. I'm like, that's so funny. We're trying to like. Or me personally, I'd be like trying to get off Tick tock or off YouTube and like, they are trying to get on that and like get the most views.

[A]

As funny as that.

[B]

I know. It's a good lesson to learn. Like, we are where it's happening. Yeah.

[A]

Like, we've spent so much of our life being like, I'm worth nothing unless I'm in traditional media. And now traditional media is worth nothing if it's not.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. It's so. It's so weird. But anyways, love it.

[C]

Hi, Trish and Tana. So my question is, I have a boyfriend of two years and I love him so, so much. He's so sweet and attentive and thoughtful and amazing. But sometimes in the car when he drives, I don't fully feel safe. And it's not because he's speeding or being reckless. It's genuinely just because of like slow reaction time and stuff like that. So I don't know, like, I really want to look past it, but I don't exactly feel safe. Also, by the way, Trisha, I used to cry on the floor with you when you would cry and I feel like you raised me, but love you guys. Thanks.

[A]

That was so sweet. I never thought about that all of the other girlies who were probably crying on the kitchen floor with you.

[B]

I know. And honestly, like, like that means a lot, you know, because you do feel like, so alone and it's just like so nice to know that other people were there with you and. And even on TikTok, I see edits of it and people like, this is me right now. Like, me crying on the floors. And they're like, this is how I feel right now. But it's gonna get better.

[A]

So have you ever made a video, like, upstairs right now of you, like, happy on the kitchen floor?

[B]

No. Maybe I should.

[A]

I guess you should like, sit down with your kids and like Moses and like sit on the kitchen floor and like, just like eat a snack or like, I'm not off the floor obviously, but. But like, just like talk about good Things that are happening. I think that that would be so.

[B]

Healing for some people. I agree.

[A]

And poetic.

[B]

It's bad lighting. It's horrible lighting because the way our fridge is, it's kind of like in the dark part of our kitchen.

[A]

The fridge light. The fridge is just open.

[B]

That's true. And then you see it's just like the trash behind us or something. It's cute in theory. Yeah. I like to always say like, yeah, I cried on the kitchen floor. But now it's like I love seeing like Elvis. Like she crawls around, now she walks around. But when she was little, she would like crawl around the kitchen floor and just like, it's making me so happy. And if I still lived in that apartment, it would be like, that'd be so crazy to see like little babies like crawling on that floor. So now I love the kitchen floor for a different reason. But I love the idea. Yeah, I mean, it's so dark. We'll have to get ring lights for sure. It's kind of small too. Sometimes I try to film. I posted a. A picture of my fridge. It was like me like holding Dr. Peppers or something like that. And the fridge was in the background. And there was so many tiktoks about how like unorganized my fridge was. Which is crazy cuz we have someone that actually helped us come and organize the fridge. So I was like, okay, that's crazy. But I was like, it's so unorganized.

[A]

People love to just like, oh, what is that phrase? Never mind. Let me not even say it. But like people love to hate. Yeah, yeah, like what? Like show me your color coded alphabetized fridge then.

[B]

Oh. I was like, what the heck, Stephanie? Pretty organized. So I was like, that's kind of a crazy thing. But yeah.

[A]

Anyways, that is crazy. What was the. When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans, send event invites and pin messages so no.

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[B]

Question, Boyfriend.

[A]

He's driving.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

His reaction time is too slow. Like, he's almost too safe. And he's not.

[A]

Or do you think, like, he's not reacting to what's happening? That's what I got.

[B]

He wasn't pushing the brakes fast enough. Like, yeah, that's what I was thinking.

[D]

To me, it thinks like, he's like, you okay? There's no cars coming. Take your right turn. But a car's.

[A]

You know what they see?

[D]

A car is like, so far. And it's like, okay, go.

[B]

But they don't go, oh, Moses is the opposite, where he does always break on time, but I break really early. So when I see people breaking and he's not breaking, I'm like, break. Like, I literally do that. So I thought that's what it was because I feel like he wasn't reacting quick enough. He's like, we still have so much time to break, but I love to break way ahead. So I was thinking, like, crash into them. And I was like, brace myself.

[A]

I. This is like, I can't express to you. It's like watching two people speak, like, Mandarin. Like, I have no idea what you guys are talking about.

[B]

Drive. No, he drives.

[A]

Yeah, but I'm like, I'm so. Like, head out the window like a golden retriever. Like, I'm so.

[B]

You're, like, not even paying attention.

[A]

Yes. And, like, I, like, I have a weird thing where I don't. Like, if someone's. Everyone's like, this person's a horrible driver. Like, I don't care. Care as much as I, like, should. Like, I'm like, whatever.

[B]

We have nothing to, like, compare it to. I think, like, maybe this diva is a driver, too. Like, I drive, so I drive so differently. So when you're just like, what do you mean? You're not breaking right away? So, yeah, maybe.

[A]

And that's so hard that every time you're in the car with the person you love the most, and probably spend the most time with you're like having a panic attack. Like.

[B]

Yeah, I'm the same way. Even like Moses is safe and he's like never been in an accident. But I. I'm like weird the same way too. And it's like it's not really. It's like, like I don't know how anxious she is. I. I feel the same way as her. I'm always like. I always tell him. I'm like. Like I'm always looking back for him too. Like he looked what I look too. Just to make sure. Especially now with the kids in the backseat. I'm very like, you know, whatever. But I don't know if you ever. I don't know what you can do to get over it.

[A]

Cuz I don't know whether you drive or like normalize yelling at your man. Like just yell at him.

[B]

I agree with what you first said. That's a good one. Is I. I actually do prefer driving, but yet he. He prefers driving too. So we're always to going kind of like stuck. But I love driving. Like if we have to go to the grocery store and he takes too long, I'm getting my allowed to get something in grocery store. I always pull up to get him. I'm like, oh, sorry. Driving. Like I'm going home in this. Like, you know, I love. Because it's like a control thing. It might be a control thing that she doesn't have control either.

[A]

Yeah, that's true.

[B]

Like, I mean, and if he's not doing anything wrong, if he's like not getting into accents or like Devin said, he's just like going, if he's too cautious, which I think is like fine, that's a good thing. If it's the opposite where he's like not like reacting quick enough and you think you're about to get an accident. Accident. It's hard to like break that too. If they're not getting to accidents. It's like, I don't know, you just.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I think either you yell at him, you drive, or you pray. Pray. That pray was really good advice. We don't tell people over here a lot of times enough. Like maybe just pray.

[B]

It works. Are you a prayer girl?

[A]

I am a prayer girl.

[B]

Do you pray?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I love it. I do think prayer is powerful and not in like a religious way or like God way. Either one is like great too. But I do think, like praying to something, I like to pray to God. I also manifest the universe. I think they're kind of the same thing, in my opinion. But I think prayer helps so much.

[A]

It really does.

[B]

Say a quick prayer before you get in the car is like, there's a St. Christopher medal on ours. And obviously we're not like Catholic or anything like that, but it's the patron saint of traveling and there's like a little thing to keep us safe, you know, it can't hurt.

[A]

Yes. 100. Sometimes it's a proven fact that if you are having anxiety about something, if you say it out loud and acknowledge it, then it helps your mind. Like if you're like, I'm having a panic attack.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

It actually, like helps you to acknowledge it and like, because like so much of anxiety is like shoving it down and trying not to freak out and like, fighting against it is almost worse. So if you just out loud are like, I'm freaking out right now. Like, sometimes that, like, really does help you.

[B]

Yeah, maybe she has to say that and then he kind of knows too. And maybe he'll be whatever the problem is, like, adjust a little bit because.

[A]

Yeah, you could get a little spray bottle and spray him like a cat, like train.

[B]

That's really, like, it's in his eyes and he can't see. That might be a crazy one.

[A]

Just pray I have no advice for you and I love you. Passenger Princess.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Hi, Trisha. Hi, Tana. My name is Emma. I did call in a few months ago when I was pregnant. I just turned 20 and I have a four month old baby girl. And this question is mainly for Trisha. Like, I'm just dealing with postpartum depression pretty bad. And it just goes from like, I feel like I'm on top of the world to the whole world is ending and like, just like my moods and everything is just all out of control. And I know that that comes with having a baby in the postpartum, but I just want to know, like, what you did to help you. Like, I've been trying to get out, be friends, you know, do my nails, do my eyelashes, things like that. But not a lot has been seeming to help. And like, Pana, you can also chime in. Like, is there anything that helps you when you're just like feeling really down to just snap you out of it. But I love you both so much. I watch your podcast all the time and I really, really, really hope that you guys take this call. But yes, I love you all so much. Bye.

[B]

She sounds so good. And I love that you called back. Congratulations.

[A]

I know. And congratulations on the baby girl. And I Just feel for her. That's like, even, like watching you go through postpartum depression. Even just like glimpses I saw, it's like, oh, it's so hard. Heartbreaking.

[B]

It's so hard because there's like nothing you can control. And so your hormones over whack and everyone can tell you you just had a baby and it's postpartum. Like, everything, but, like, nothing people say will, like, help you. Like, you still just start crying out of nowhere. And it's hard. And it's such a different levels for everyone. With Malibu, it was like crippling. Like, I didn't even want to hold my baby. Like, it was so bad. I, like, regret. I was like, I can't be a mom. I regret this. Why doesn't anyone tell you that? It's so hard. Like, I was like, regretting it for.

[A]

So sad.

[B]

Yeah, like six and sad for you. It's sad for your baby. It's sad for your husband or partner. Like, like, it's just. It's awful. And like, there was nothing that could have helped me. Maybe talking to someone actually could help me my first pregnancy. But I. There was nothing. There's nothing that helped me. This one was like, second one, I had none. And then this last one, it was weird. It was like I was sad all the time, but nothing I was. I was seeing. I was talking to a therapist. Like, and it went from once to like three times a week. A special postpartum therapist. So talking to someone maybe is the only thing that helped me. You're doing good though. Like, if you getting nails and helped me. I had to explain that to Moses. And with the second one, it helped so much. Like, I. I also asking for help is a big one because with the first one, I'm like, no, we're gonna do this all by ourselves, which is so dumb. And then with our second baby, I was. It was like we actually had help, you know, so it wasn't just all on us. So asking for help, talking to someone and like, doing stuff for yourself, I think is the best. It can be really hard if you find yourself, like, going on the verge of, like, psychosis. Definitely ask for help. I think it can help. You can be prescribed something. They can recommend a place for you to go stay if you don't feel like you. You're safe or your kids are safe or something like that. So all of it's, like, valid. I do. I always repost stuff on my Instagram story. It takes up to like 2 years for someone to Recover from birth and pregnancy and postpartum. And to get your pink back, as I say, so it takes time. So, you know, patience and pink back. Yeah, I love that too. I don't really know what that means, but I like when people say, like, I get the gist of it. I don't understand where it came from necessarily, but I like it. Yeah.

[A]

Two years. Years is crazy. That's almost like a reassuring thing though, knowing, like, literally, like anatomically, chemically.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It takes two years to fully come back.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, it's great. I follow so many. Lisa Schwartz I followed. You remember her at least?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She posts. She has like a two year old, maybe two and a half year old now. It's like, oh, it's like. It did take me like two years to like feel like myself again or like a person again.

[A]

So that makes me so sad. I just like, I know I can. I feel like you really hit the nail on the head with everything you just said. First of all, you know what I mean? Just like that. Go through it and like, if it gets too bad, like, seek help, like. Cause that is sometimes we're our own worst enemies in the regard that, like, it's like, no, I can do this all by myself and I'm gonna get through this. But like, sometimes asking for help is the strongest thing you could do.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Yeah. Which is so important.

[B]

And. Yeah, that's. Yeah. And like, also thinking, like, it's not that bad, you know, whatever. It's like, even if it's a little. Even if it's a little bit and you're feeling a little sad, it's always good to like, nip that in the bud.

[A]

Yeah. And like, I will say, even just hearing you on the phone, be like, I'm trying to see friends and I'm getting my nails done. That means that you want to see that light at the end of this.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That means that you are actively trying to get out of this. And so much of that is giving yourself grace. Because I imagine a lot of the thoughts, I don't know. Obviously I've never gone through this. I have so much depression advice, but not postpartum advice. But I can imagine that a lot of the thoughts are about maybe not feeling enough. You know, when it's like. And like you said, everyone can just say to you, well, you just had a baby, like, you are. Just try to give yourself as much grace as you can. Like you being alive and loving your baby and wanting to, like, get better. And that's all you can do right? You know what I mean? Like give yourself grace. And I always say try to make whenever you're in a bad place as camp as you can in your head. Like I'm gonna feel sad today, I'm gonna own in, I'm gonna eat my favorite thing, I'm gonna watch my favorite movie, I'm gonna call my favorite person, I'm gonna to like do one self care thing. Even if it's as simple as making like a good ice water. Sometimes I feel like and I drink the most bomb ice water ever and I'm like I'm so healthy, it's in my favorite cup. And I'm like, you know, just like.

[B]

Put a little lemon or cucumber in there.

[A]

Yes. Like do the little, do those little baby things. Cuz it's like take the, take a shower like, you know what I mean? Just like such a big deal.

[B]

I asking for help too. Like even if you have someone come over for like a couple hours or something, it's like babysitter, parent, whatever. It's just like oh my God. When you get that four hours to yourself to do like whatever. Whether you bedrock, pay bills, take a shower, like sleep, watch tv, whatever. It like makes such a difference. And that I feel has helped me so much this past partum is having like help and like getting like sometimes I get like a three hour time block to myself and I'm like we're going to pilates, we're going on a walk and I'm getting my nails done and it's like I feel so accomplished and then I come back and I'm like so excited to see my kids and like okay, let's spend the whole day together because like I got my stuff done.

[A]

Yeah, because you like took the time to and I hope you that you have anyone that is there to help you and stuff. And no matter what, like truly there is a light at the end of this and I think that it sounds like you're aware of that. So you got this and just like take care of yourself the way you would take care of someone else that you love. Going through this, you know, like just think about if it was your friend or your partner. You're not gonna be like well why are you in bed all day? Why haven't you showered? Why? You know you're gonna be like it's okay, you know, like just try to treat yourself like someone know you love and we love you, we do love you and congratulations on the baby and you guys are having so much fun like don't think it's gonna be this forever.

[B]

Yeah, I. I wish I could, like, thank God I had three because by the third you're like, let me enjoy this baby stage. Because everyone says that, but like, did.

[D]

You know you lose 91 days a year to scrolling? That's your entire summer gone. So this summer, log off and show up with friends and some ice cold Heinekens. Then instead of commenting on your crew story, he'll be making memories with them. Sorry, social media. The scrolling ends and the fun begins with cold Heinekens and good friends. Heineken social networking since 1873. Available at your local Heineken retailer or for [e-mail]. must be 21 + to purchase. Enjoy Heineken responsibly.

[B]

Goes so fast. Like, oh my God, like I look at Elvis, I'm like, when did she start walking and eating and talking and having personality. It's like so crazy. So with this baby, I'm really enjoying it. Even though I did go through some postpartum, I'm like, let me still just like enjoy and like, like hold this baby as much as possible.

[A]

So congrats.

[D]

Also, I just thought of a genius idea that I want to try for one episode in October.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

We should do an episode where I'll play a call and then you have three minutes. Like I'll start the timer the second the call finishes. You have three minutes to answer naturally.

[A]

How you would like that.

[D]

You shouldn't feel rushed or anything.

[A]

Fast advice.

[D]

It's time to go on to the next.

[A]

Yeah, we're like a minute each or something and we like speedrun.

[D]

That's too short. I think at least 2, 2, 3 minutes. Because yalls answers can be.

[A]

Yeah, 5 to 10 minutes speed round would be so funny. They'll like answer this call in five words.

[D]

It's also just like to happen where like we answer. Like I should not 14, 15 calls. Like with how many you guys get?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that'd be so fun.

[B]

I'd love to try it round.

[A]

And we could wear like workout clothes because it's like speed.

[B]

Like that's our workout for the day.

[A]

Yeah, that's it. Mental gymnastics.

[B]

Get on.

[A]

No, you've been on your workout grind though.

[B]

Give yourself so much workout out so much. And I haven't been losing weight. But you know, we're trying.

[A]

But also like, think about like your heart like in your lungs.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I like, you're literally like, like your heart me with my gran Adam.

[B]

Like, you're helping Your heart.

[A]

You're helping your.

[B]

No, it's so true. Like, you think about. Yeah, no, no. That's why I'm doing it.

[A]

Like, so I don't know if I think. I don't. Whatever. Okay. You're killing it.

[B]

Here we go.

[C]

Hi, Trish. Hi, Tana. I'm just calling to say that I have been considering my sobriety journey, and hearing you guys talk so much about it on the show has. Sorry, I'm getting emotional. Really made it easier for me to really consider that and start moving forward. And I think today is going to be, like, the first real day of my no alcohol journey. And so I just wanted to thank you ladies for being such an active voice in your community and online about. It gets better in these regards. So love you. Thank you. Sorry for crying the way these bitches.

[A]

Can make me cry at the drop of a hat. Maybe I'm pregnant. But seriously.

[B]

Oh, my God. Get a test. I know I need to, but also. Yes.

[A]

Oh, my God. I was so proud of her. I was, like, jumping the gun because I'm so excited to say all these words to our cool queen, but just.

[C]

Wanted to say it matters, and you guys are doing stuff that really is important, and I appreciate you, so thank you. Love you guys.

[D]

She mentioned in there too, really, like, the basing. The reason why I picked it was that, like, she was saying how today is like, the start for no drinking journey.

[A]

Yes. Oh, my God. I just want to say that the person. Every time I tried to go sober, okay, it was a lot of times, but I can vividly remember the person I was on day one every single time. And this last time was more successful than the other times. And usually I'm gonna speak from my experience, right, that day one is not gorgeous and glamorous because you're usually. Maybe especially if you're more emotional and stuff. Like, I know I was. I remember crying to Trevi and crying to the people that I leaned on and stuff, you know, And I was so emotional because I had been. I felt like I'd been up my life, and I felt like I was like at the bottom of this giant mountain that I, like, had to climb, and I hadn't done anything. You feel so lost. You know what I mean? And it's like, I. Every single time, like, I wish I could go back and tell that me, like, you're gonna get this on lock, you know? And the physical symptoms. You're withdrawing now from this thing, which directly equates to chemically produced anxiety. So even if you're like, I'm going sober, and this is going to be great. Your body's, like, shaking, and you feel like. And you're, like, doubting yourself. And, like, I. My biggest thing to you, first of all, is congratulations. Because awareness and choosing it and saying it out loud, I think is so important. Saying it out loud, like, I'm gonna be sober is so hard. Like, calling into the show and calling us to say, today's my day is, like, so important, but just take it day by day. There'd be so many days where I would feel like such a failure, but then I would go to bed that night, and I would be like, but I didn't drink today. I don't want to, like, cry. But, like, you know, like, that was, like, huge, you know, just like, no matter what I did, even if I did nothing else, even if I was like. And felt I didn't drink today, and, like, even if you fall down a million times, because then I would do that too if I, like, relapsed, I'd be like, oh, my God, you people pieces. You have to start over. Like, just get back up. Just keep you. You've got this, you know? And then two weeks will go by and you'll be like, wait, the anxiety kind of subsided a little. Like, maybe I don't need the alcohol or the substance today. And like, you just, like, you got this. You really do.

[B]

How many days of sober are you?

[A]

I'm almost one year sober.

[B]

What's the birthday?

[A]

September 21st. Oh, my God.

[B]

It's coming up.

[A]

I know, I know. And I'm so it excited. I will never forget. Trevi one time said something to me, too. In a lot of my sobriety journeys, I would set, like, a 30 day. I'd be like, I'm gonna be sober for 30 days. And I was always counting down, like, okay, 10 more days, and I can drink and I can whatever. And she was like, your life will really change when you start counting up. And I'll never forget it because it's, like, so true. Like, now it's like, I'm only counting up. I'm never counting down again. And it doesn't control me. I control it. And, like.

[B]

Like a full year is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Impressive. I also think, too is, like, obviously I, like, haven't, like, struggled with this, but, like, hearing people talk about their sobriety journey is, like, it's so cool to, like, hear, like, you're inspiring other people to do it too. And, like, when I hear people's journey or people, when they relapse. I think it's also so powerful to, like, continue to start over. Like, I know, like, we had AJ from the Backstreet Boys on, and he talked about it on my podcast, where he was just, like, he was sober for a couple years, then he relapsed, and he's like, but I'm sober again now. And I think that's, like, so powerful to keep trying to be sober even when you've, like, reaction relapsed and stuff, because I'm sure that's.

[A]

It's hard and, like, it's this, like. And I've made such friends with this demon, right? But it is, like, this demon that you carry on your back. And, like, it's also genetic for a lot of people. Like, my father was an alcoholic, like, all of his life before, and then he was sober for the most part, to my knowledge of having me. You know what I mean? And, like, I had to come to terms with that. Like, you know, like, I am an addict, and, like, I don't want to be. I. Like, hell, wish I could go have a margarita right now and just have one and, like, you know, and, like. But you'll. You'll learn to make peace with that and find so many new ideas of fun and joy. I used to be like, oh, my God, how am I going to cope with life things without alcohol? Like, my body hurts. How am I going to whatever? And, like, now, looking back all those times, too, it's like the alcohol was only making it harder, and you just didn't want to admit that, you know, like.

[B]

Like, it's. It enabled it more. Yes. Like, what about, like, when you have, like, your party, like, your tart party, what do you do?

[A]

It's just different. Like, now I'm so excited instead of. For getting, like, as drunk and numb as I can and keeping the night going and not facing my problems. And, like, all of those things, I'm feeling like the next day. Like, all of those things now I'm, like, really excited for, like, the outfit I'm gonna wear and the conversations I'm gonna have. And, like, it makes you so much more intentional, too. It's like, when you're drunk, you're, like, talking to people that you don't. You don't even want to talk to, and you're, like, doing things that you don't even want to do. And, like, now I'm, like, doing exactly what I want to do with my life and what I find fun. And, like, I left the party and I went Home and I like smoked point, which I know is still but I don't have a problem with it. I don't know. California sober. I'm sorry but like sat and hung out with my friends and like played uno and now that's my idea of fun, you know?

[B]

Like, that's amazing.

[A]

I'm a grandma. I love Scrabble. I love like all the yes gay night. But like it's so true, you know.

[B]

No, I love that and I love that for you. And we talked about I think so on Patreon too is like the friendship finding each other at the right time. Like it is because as someone who like doesn't drink it, sometimes it's hard to find people who like don't drink at all, you know, because a lot of people just do it in moderation or whatever like that and they'll be have like one wine. I'm like, no, but I get sick if I have one wine. And like they don't really like understand it. It's not even because I have a problem. It's like I physically don't want to drink it. Weird sometimes to find or people find it weird when you don't drink it. Also it's like nice to have also friends that also do that. You just want to have like a.

[A]

Game night and eat and you'll find that too. I think I really struggled too with, with like, I don't know, just like look at like I ended up cutting off a lot of people as I got sober because I was like, we have nothing in common other than the fact that we like to get drunk as together. And I don't maybe like really like you all that much for like who I am, like my morals and values and who I am. Like, you know, you will find like a new life and it will come. And it's like I also want to say that sobriety, TikTok and alcoholism, TikTok and like Reddit and stuff for those reasons. Seasons really did help me. I remember like at one of my lower points, like I would just stay up for hours at night watching, like I would just Google like sober or tick tock, search sober from alcohol and watch people sit there and speak their testimonies. And I got so like, that was one of the things I learned like what I was just talking about, like, if all I did today was be sober, that is a productive good day. I never thought that way until I saw that tick tock. Until I saw some girl saying like, that's your only goal today is to be Sober today.

[B]

You should totally do that for your YouTube channel, your testimony. Because I love watching those, too. Like, obviously not with, like, alcoholism, but, like, the stories like mine and stuff. And I'm just, like, watching people speak. And so I love those two, like, so much. Like, you should treat like a TED Talk, because I feel obviously you inspired this caller. I feel you inspire, like, so many people, especially young people. I think sobriety is the thing people find, like, in their older, like, in their 40s, and they have a family they need sober for them. But it's like, a lot of young people probably struggle.

[A]

This is the first generation, like, generationally alcohol consumption is the lowest, lowest it's ever been. Like, it's ever, like, actually, statistically because of this next generation. This is the first generation where sobriety is normalized and talked about.

[B]

And that's so cool.

[A]

I'm gonna make a video on my, like, one year with everything I've learned.

[B]

Yeah. And I'm so good.

[A]

So excited to, like. And I used to even think that was, like, corny. Like, being the sober person was corny. And now I'm like, no, being the blackout, like, yapping, like, loser and, like, person who was making all these decisions that, like, I didn't want to make, you know? You know, that's what was corny. Like, you know, and it's like.

[B]

And one person will hear your story and they'll be, like, inspired by it, which is, like, all same thing earlier with the postpartum thing. I would do the same thing as, like, how to survive postpartum. And, like, yeah, just, like, hearing other people's stories and, like, so many other people going through the same thing. You're like, thank God.

[A]

And that saved me that seeing other people's testimonies and stories, like, really, like, really changed my life. And, like, it's so true. And, like, I just. I want to be there for all the party girls who think that that's the most interesting thing about you and you can never change this lifestyle and you're going to lo lose all your friends and that it's the only way to meet someone and date them. And, like, all these things. Like, I centered my whole idea of self around, like, party girl. And then you, like, normalize being drunk because you're like, no, it's just. And you see that on TikTok, too. Like, all the girls who are, like, hungover every day and, like, normalizing it, and I'm not shading them at all. But I would fall victim to that, you know, thinking that It. That was my personality and all those things, and it just, like, wasn't and isn't. And I, like, don't ever really want to drink again.

[B]

Yeah. It's like, you are, like, sober girl now, which is, like, crazy.

[A]

And of course, again, I wish I could be moderate. There are days where I'm like, God, I wish I could have one glass of wine. But, like, I have full acceptance that I can't. And, like, I'm just proud of you. And if you fall, give yourself as much grace and excitement as this day one. When you have another day one, like, don't. I think that for me, relapsing and standing back up again a million times was a part of my story. Like, I don't wish I just did it the first time and never, like, I had to learn all those lessons, you know?

[B]

Good luck.

[A]

Yeah. You got this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm so proud of you and all the other people out there. Like, and you also don't give yourself enough credit because you do talk openly about, like, how substances were a big part of your life. So many different substances.

[B]

And like, yeah, talking about it, like you said, if it reaches one person, like, that's like us. We're talking about how we Google things. It's like sometimes I just, like, watch, like, random people talk about stuff, and I'm like, honestly, I feel it. You know what I mean? I feel seen, and I feel like I can do it too. So you can inspire one person, then it's worth it.

[A]

And now you're like a sober mommy who, like, kills it. You know what I mean? And, like, if you told Trisha and other eras that that was gonna happen, like, she probably wouldn't believe you.

[B]

No, it is. It is a wild. The difference it can make. But sometimes people have to be ready to hear it too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the great thing about the Internet is it can be out there forever. And so someone 20 years from now can watch your video and be like, you know what? This is when I need to hear it.

[A]

So that's when we love digital footprint. And the Internet can be beautiful.

[B]

It can be a beautiful thing, which is why we're on it. And we still love it and we love you guys so much. Thank you for calling in to this episode of Not Limelight. We're gonna go over to the Patreon.

[A]

And talk about something so the opposite of what we just did. So unwholesome. I have to. I'm broken.

[B]

A part of me to know about it. I need to know all the details and you can find out the details, too, @patreon.com we'll see you guys there. We love you. Bye.