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[00:01]
Lisa Lacey
Hey.
[00:02]
Hey, my friends. Welcome to another episode of Notes from the Edge. I'm your host, Lisa Lacey, and this is where we have the conversations we should have been having all along. In here, we talk about the things you ain't talking about. You won't talk about it, but we will. And today's guest is a very special friend of mine, Sailor Cooper Saylor. Cooper is an author, entrepreneur, radio host, speaker, and founder of Real Variety Radio, an Internet radio station created to unite listeners and artists through diverse music programming and storytelling. He is also the creator of a previous podcast, Hope Without Sight, where he shared thought provoking conversations with people who have overcome adversity and transformed their experience into resilience, hope and possibility. Blind and living with disabilities, Saylor has built his work around helping others recognize that circumstances do not determine the limits of our lives. And he has a very expansive professional background and he continues to explore emotional intelligence, empathy, personal growth, and the power of meaningful human connection, which is our whole purpose on this show.
[01:19]
Saylor, welcome to Notes from the Edge.
[01:21]
How are you today, my friend?
[01:23]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, you sound very energetic and alive. It's, it's the most energetic I've seen you in. Thank you for, for that introduction. Yes, I, I've hosted the whole outside podcast, but my latest podcast is the Blissful Connections radio show, live every Monday nights at 7pm on River Roddy Radio and then distributed the next day as a podcast. I know you were on that when we were working together. Yeah, Lisa and I go back almost a year because no worries, we're going to dive into detail and I might, I'm going to be raw here on the show and please bear with me if I get a little emotional and break down, but Lisa and I met whenever. Just my, my life was just in shambles and my life was completely upside down for a couple years and just fast forward, here we are now and I'm just glad to be here on the show. And we've all had whirlwinds.
[02:31]
Lisa Lacey
I know we've all had whirlwinds. That's right, my friend. And what I loved the most about you is I think you were actually one of my most favorite clients because you were so committed to the work. But you yourself have spent years interviewing people who have overcome their own adversities. So, Saylor, what have talking to all those people taught you about the difference between surviving and allowing something to transform you?
[03:05]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, I guess surviving. I guess I just never knew I really was surviving. I knew that survival just meant to, I guess, try and Mask and be someone who you're not. And what allowed me to stop surviving and to thrive is to become my true self, who I've always meant to be. And that's where your program that you used to host was, which was very transformational for me. It really helped me understand who I truly am. Basically with all the work that we did, such as the personality test, Clifton strengths, human design, astrology, all that stuff, and the emotional work, it was life changing. I wrote in my journal, as I said you, what you've given me was unmatched compared to any other therapists they could not have given me. I'm glad I want to tie this. Also, you said in your previous episodes, I don't like how you don't like how the mental health system treats people. We're treated as an afterthought whenever we have a diagnosis. We're treated as a case somewhere on paper and it's not the way it should be. It's not the way it should be.
[04:41]
Lisa Lacey
Well, that's why we're having these conversations, right my friend? So we can reform it. Right, so. And I think, I think there are well intentioned people in the clinical therapeutic arena. They're really just trying to help. But I think it's very important to listen to us, those of us experiencing it on the other side and maybe
[05:02]
get, get some feedback from us on
[05:04]
what the experience is like to be talked about and talked around and not given a choice in our own care or treatment. Don't you think personal choice is very important when it comes to mental health recovery?
[05:21]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
It is, yes. Personal space is very important. I don't like. What I'm trying to get is I don't like when people pathologized people and it's not good.
[05:32]
Lisa Lacey
Yeah, yeah. No, it's no fun.
[05:35]
It's definitely no fun.
[05:37]
And I think it limits our ability, it limits our ability to heal. So, sailor, let me ask you a very personal question. You said you'd will willing to get vulnerable here. So what, what do you feel like sighted people misunderstand about blindness the most? Where, where do you feel the most misunderstood or where are we cited people getting it wrong for you?
[06:03]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
We, oh, we get, we get this a lot. Whether if we're out and about or just interacting on a daily basis, people who don't know us, they think that we're, they think that we're incapable. There's a misconception that we're incapable of living life like everybody else. Yes. There's certain things that we can't do such as drive yet. But I mean, we could. We may have. Have addict adaptations and do things differently, but we could still. We could still do it, you know?
[06:36]
Lisa Lacey
Yeah. Yeah. Yes, absolutely. I think that is a misconception. And I think, sailor, that's why you enjoyed our work together so much. Because I just saw you as a human being willing to show up and do the work for yourself, and you hit on something in your first answer that I want to circle back to, and that is bec who you really are, no matter what, Setting loving but direct boundaries with people. So walk me through some of that process. How did you go from oh my gosh, my life is such a chaotic mess to man, I really like who I am as a human because I think a lot of people listening out there could learn from you right now.
[07:17]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
I guess validation helped basically. The work that we. But the work that we did together, like, like I said, all the. All the activities we did from nervous system regulation, understand how my nervous system works, and just all the discoveries that we did, it brought like an aha moment and helped me understand just who I truly am and why, the way I've been. Because before, before, I'm not gonna lie, whenever I had difficulties with certain people, I didn't understand what was going on. I didn't. I didn't even understand. I. I just didn't even understand, like, what was going on with myself.
[08:17]
Lisa Lacey
Yes. And I think an important piece of the work is creating that self awareness and self forgiveness. Right. We have to forgive ourselves for showing up and doing the best that we could with the tools we had at the time. So I think those two together, some self awareness and some self forgiveness can go a long way to guiding you in a space where you truly love your life again. Or the first time ever.
[08:48]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Exactly. Because one of the questions you included in here was, before we talk about today, take us back to the version who you truly were when you first came to work with me. What were you struggling to understand about yourself? Your emotions and what you experienced? The world. And yeah, I think I answered that very well. Like, and I know there are some other questions later, but I know, like, I've always been different, uniquely myself. I just never understood, like, how and why. And that's why not everybody is meant to work with everybody.
[09:25]
Lisa Lacey
And oh, no, it's got to be the right fit. Right? The right thing matters when you're working with transformational coaches, for sure.
[09:31]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
And it goes the same for my programs I've been trying to launch. I know not my My target audience is not just anybody. And that's why I, I, I host a podcast, and I book. I book discovery calls and make sure that we're the right fit, you know?
[09:48]
Lisa Lacey
I love it. I love it. Yes. That's. That's a very. Guys. And, and just, we hit on this a lot in this space because I had done all of the therapeutic stuff. You name an acronym, I did it. Dbt. Cbt. Neurofeedback, Brain Mapping, emdr. Eft. There's a letter to it. I did it. And I was still waking up going, man, I don't know if I want to be doing this. So I still wasn't feeling any better. It was a transformational coach that finally helped me move forward, and that's why I have so much respect for them and why I so highly recommend getting a transformational coach that is the right fit for you to supplement what you're doing in the clinical therapeutic arena. So. So, Sailor, you. Oh, go ahead.
[10:39]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah, and read to Echo on that. You rippled that down to me. You had a transformational coach. I got, I got. Then I got one. You were mine, and I'm becoming.
[10:48]
Lisa Lacey
And now you are one. Yes. That's how this works.
[10:52]
It is the ripple effect. I love it. I love it. Well, go ahead, Sailor. When did you realize that empathy was both a gift and something that could completely overwhelm you?
[11:07]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, man. Like I said, I've always known. I've been this way all my life. And maybe. And I know I knew that I was different. I knew that I was sensitive. We can trace it all the way back to since I was. Since I was a baby. You know, of course, loud noises would scare me, and I would get overstimulated. It would cause me to have seizures. And even one of my fascinations, I'll say on the show now, is engines. Small engines, leaf blowers, lawnmowers, weed eaters, and even, like, diesel engines, they were out. And you know what? I love them now. I'm the engine whisperer.
[11:53]
Lisa Lacey
Oh, my gosh. We've got a wood chipper right outside my door right now, my friend. You would love being over here. Started it at, like, 8 this morning. I was like, oh, no, I hope they can't hear it on the show. But Sailor loves them, so that's great.
[12:07]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
That's what ties to my sensitivity. Like, I've always been sensitive. I just never understood why until recently. And, like, that's why, like. And I like what you said on one of your raw episodes that you talked about your Grandmother who was brutally murdered by domestic violence. And you said how even a sound from a harsh tone of voice, especially like another man's harsh tone of voice, could really cause fear. And no wonder why I was reacting the way I did, like with certain, like, new family and stuff. And I think what has really helped me to finally be okay is the principle being the container, not the sponge and the breath work and the somatic work, and it's. Thank you.
[13:05]
Lisa Lacey
Yeah, you're welcome, my friend. Well, let's talk about that. Talk about being the container, not the sponge. So what was happening before and how is it different for you now in terms of experiencing other people's pain or grief or anger or emotion?
[13:23]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, how is it I just learned to not absorb everybody's energy? I guess just listen with. Listen to what the wants and these are. And, and it's not my responsibility to carry, like, everybody else's baggage. Like when other people have anxiety around me, I guess I just contain it and just focus on my true self, like when to intervene and when to step back. And I love that.
[13:58]
Lisa Lacey
Yeah, you're making conscious choices, right? You have to make conscious choices with what to do with their energy instead of subconsciously absorbing all of their stuff. Because we highly sensitive people do have attendance, caretakers, nurturers, highly sensitive people, HSPs, have a tendency to absorb a lot of stuff, and it can cause us a lot of problems if we get overstimulated. Like, we might not, you might not like it.
[14:28]
So it's good to be the container
[14:31]
and hold space, skillfully recognize what's ours, what's theirs, where we begin, where they end, all the good stuff.
[14:41]
So
[14:44]
your identity has become larger than anything that's ever held you back. Right now I think you're in a very pivotal place in your life. And it's. It's so amazing to see and to watch and I'm so excited for what's coming next for you, my friend. How have other people's expectations affected your life before? And then when did you stop believing or needing that and start really tuning into your own wants, needs, values for yourself first?
[15:20]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, this is a good one. Other people, like, have expected to be, like, sometimes someone who I'm. I'm not. And, and maybe even though intentions will would be good, like, they mean well, they want to, like, help me and correct me. It's just sometimes it's just the style way it comes across, that's what really has affected me in the past. And I'm going to, I want to, I want to say this without fail right now, out of all the sessions that we did in your former program, session six was by far my favorite. By far, because we talked about the emotional intelligence skill of the week. We had session six, I think over a year ago. A week, A year and a week ago, we had session six. And by the way, I saved all the recordings before you and I discover that you have a podcast. I listened to all those sessions, every single bit of it, just to reinforce that we learn. And what, what I Learned in session 6 was my favorite because we all have our circles and it's just about having realistic expectations versus unrealistic, even though other people mean well. Not everybody is meant to be a mentor. Not everybody is meant to be my coach. And you said that there are going to be just the right people who fall into my lap. And what, and what I've learned, especially in Toastmasters, is there's a difference between constructive feedback and criticism. It's just how it's delivered, the style is delivered, whether it's a positive or negative way. And that, that's just really helped me just be my true self. I don't care like whatever people, you know, think of me. I, Everybody's on their own journey. You know, I, I, I may not like how other people do. Others do certain things, but everybody's, everybody's their own, you know.
[17:33]
Lisa Lacey
That's right. And we meet people where they are, but that doesn't mean we have to spend all day with them either.
[17:39]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah.
[17:39]
Lisa Lacey
So I love that.
[17:40]
Well, let's talk about Toastmasters because you
[17:44]
recently gave master's speech.
[17:46]
Congratulations. It was on the gift of empathy. Your journey of emotional intelligence and feeling deeply. So what has an and man, you know, studies in science, Sailor. And you know this from our experience together. Teach us that EQ or ei emotional intelligence is actually more important than IQ and having healthy relationships. So talk to me about how increasing your emotional intelligence has improved your relationships and brought some good people into your circle, like we had talked about over a year ago.
[18:21]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, it isn't. Well, first the foundation of fundamentals. It is first. I'm glad we went to understanding myself, how I operate and then understanding others. You know, as the old saying goes, you help yourself first and then help others. Yes, I've, I'm glad I was able to understand myself and it has helped me to understand realistic expectations versus unrealistic expectations. My favorite worksheet cannot that you gave me is the ramped R A A
[19:01]
Lisa Lacey
M. Will we get ramped up? Yeah, I still have to use that, my friend, trust me, I have menopause, and I'm having to pull out my own workshop sheets. Recount.
[19:13]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Articulate. No, was it recount? Yeah, articulate. Advocate, manage, provide, and testify. Like another. And another characteristic I discovered that I have as part of being emotionally sensitive is that there's this. There's this term called rsd. Rejection sensit. Sensitive dysphoria. I'm sure you've heard of it. It's where you feel rejected. Very easy. Like when. And I'm glad you and I talked about this. Like when people. When I try to call someone, you know, whether it's a close friend or close relative, a sibling, aunt, uncle, I've been there before. And when they don't answer the calls, I just get very overwhelmed. I feel like they forgotten about me. But at the same time, I know how to advocate. For example, I understand everybody has a life. Everybody's busy. For example, if we can set a. A weekly schedule where. Where we can talk, you. You and I can have a phone call. I ask, like, what day works best for you. That's. That's. Coordinate a time window, say between like 5 and 7, and let's have our call then. And if, for whatever reason I know things come up, life happens, life changes. Just please don't leave me high and dry. Don't leave. Don't leave me in the dark. Let me know. Let's reschedule and we're good. As long as I love it.
[20:51]
Lisa Lacey
Yes, sailor. So you're coping ahead. You're. You're scheduling it. And my daughter and her grandmother, her memo have a weekly Sunday call. They do the same thing once a week, so I love that. And then you're letting people know, hey, by the way, I feel this way when you do this. Please don't ghost me, because that's gonna suck for me.
[21:12]
Yes.
[21:12]
Yes. Yes.
[21:14]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah.
[21:14]
Lisa Lacey
So you are now calmer, more grounded, and more connected to who you are at your core. And Sailor, I think there's something so cool that happens for us when we dig ourselves as human beings. We've forgiven ourselves for past behavior when we didn't have the tools. We articulate how we take and click to people. And so how has that growth affected your personal life? How has the past year been for you?
[21:44]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
It's been much calmer overall. I mean, and our best as well, want to be vulnerable. And maybe you could tell me that I'm not alone. You've been there. You. You could. I mean, everybody's journey is different. I know what you should. I shouldn't compare everybody's journey side by side, but we've all been there. I'm sure you've been there where you. You acted in ways that you didn't mean. You said hard stop. Actually ran fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. During my intense moments, I still feel like. I still feel shame. How I was. Like I fought two years ago. Just adjusting to a new family dynamic. I won't get into the specifics because this is a podcast, but adjusting to a new family dynamic, new family members coming into my life, whenever they and I clashed really hard. I mean, other people thought I was crazy, reacting the way I did. As I said, I'm glad you call yourself a certified mad woman. I'm not gonna lie. I was a certified madman.
[23:03]
Lisa Lacey
Are you a madman, sailor?
[23:05]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
No, I was. I was. I was a couple years. And what scared so many people is that they never seen me this way before. And I. I guess they just didn't. They didn't understand the context. Neither did I. And I'm glad, like you emphasize that whatever people has, whatever people have, whether it's bipolar disorder, BPD or trauma, I've had some trauma, and everybody has. Thankfully not severe. I'm glad to know how to manage it better. Like, trauma lives in the body. It's not logic. And I think it's very important that everybody needs to understand. People may have wisdom, but they don't understand everybody's experience. Everybody's experience is unique. And I will say this. Emotional pain can be just as painful as physical pain or even more.
[24:05]
Lisa Lacey
Yes. And emotional pain can eventually cause physical pain. As to. Let's not overlook that. And what I love about what you just highlighted, my friend, is change can be hard for of us. Like, transitions are hard for some of us. And you're absolutely right in. In my active addiction, I was not. We'll just say the kindest person. And you bring up another good point, sailor. You know, ditching the shame and guilt for previous behaviors where we probably didn't perform or react in a way that we can look back and go, wow, that was a great reaction. Is daily practice. And we're still at it, right? We're still working on it. We're work in progress always. Don't you think?
[24:49]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, yes. Well, we're always working. As long as we know that we're doing the best we can. And I still have my maintenance. I listen to the Somatic Healing Meditations podcast. I can send it to you. It's a. It's. It's. It's another podcast that a lady named Corinna, she's in Colorado, she does it. She does Somatic Breath work and release. And I'm also part of her premium community. As one of my birthday gifts I requested for my mom is to get a full membership to the Somatic Healing Hub, where we have group classes every week in Kajabi and we even, we have meditations, we have what's called nada yoga where an instructor comes on and he's from India, he has us do breath work and do. Sounds like yum.
[25:53]
Lisa Lacey
All that energy out.
[25:55]
Well, sailor, what is coming up next for you and where can people find you right now and your work?
[26:05]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
What's. Oh, I, I guess I'm just plugging along mainly. I have blissful connections. I still doing a podcast and I got people listening in the background. My grandmother's here in the background. Even though whether I'm getting paid for it or not, people tell me, people tell me to just keep doing it regardless because it's going to pay off. Even though I'm not sure how many listeners are listening, it's making a big impact. I'm proud of Notes from the Edge. That is number one. I want blissful connections to get there and I'm still doing that. Let's see, what else am I doing? I'm glad that I'm not chasing hype anymore because honestly, before we met, one of the most painful parts of this experience is during this period from 2023 until last year was I was also working very hard to become very successful in business, which meant like spending thousands and thousands of dollars on high ticket coaching programs that did not yield results and also chasing hype. I'm very thankful that I had investors, family and friends who helped me do it. I'm so, and I'm so glad even though it did not pay off, I don't have to pay them back. I already did in a way. I showed. I learned from it. I worked as hard as I could. And of course I'm just so glad that you and I met and that I went through. I'm so glad that you and I met and I went through your program. I'm glad we met at that summit that Jenny and Joe put on. It was meant to happen. It was, it was the divine God's, the universe's plan and, and we're all not perfect. And I'm just, I'm really. The work that, the work that you helped me do is it you. You really help. You really help me. I would, I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for you. Work.
[28:19]
Lisa Lacey
Well, thank you, my friend. And you know what? I don't know that I'd be where I am if it wasn't for you showing up and doing the work for yourself. Because you inspire me.
[28:28]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yes.
[28:28]
Lisa Lacey
Hi. Hello.
[28:30]
Sailor's Grandmother
I'm his grandmother. Team.
[28:32]
Lisa Lacey
Hey.
[28:34]
Sailor's Grandmother
I just wanted to see you. See what you look like, for one thing. But the main thing is I want to personally thank you for the entire family for what you have done for Sailor and helped him through his tough times in his journey. And we're. I personally, am so proud of him.
[28:54]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Thank you.
[28:54]
Lisa Lacey
Yes.
[28:55]
Doing.
[28:55]
Sailor's Grandmother
And he. He knows that. So just. I just felt like. And he wanted me to listen. He so was so happy about having this podcast with you.
[29:05]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah.
[29:05]
Sailor's Grandmother
So he asked me would I come over. And so I've been sitting over there having my coffee and enjoying every moment of it, wishing that I had recorded it on my phone, because I want the whole family and all of his friends to understand him as well as I think I understand him.
[29:22]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah.
[29:22]
Lisa Lacey
And.
[29:23]
Sailor's Grandmother
And you do. And he's understanding himself.
[29:27]
Lisa Lacey
There are.
[29:27]
Sailor's Grandmother
We do have family members that don't understand his hyperness.
[29:31]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
His.
[29:32]
Sailor's Grandmother
His, you know, silly, crazy ways. And I'm sure you know about the.
[29:38]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[29:41]
Sailor's Grandmother
But there's so many of us that are just amazed and odd at his growing up and becoming on Fabulous. On his journey.
[29:52]
Lisa Lacey
So, yeah, he is fabulous, and I've got chills.
[29:55]
Thank you so much. But you know what?
[29:57]
I'll tell you why.
[29:57]
He was my favorite client. He showed up and he did the work for himself.
[30:01]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yes.
[30:01]
Lisa Lacey
And he was excited to do it, and it wasn't.
[30:04]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah.
[30:04]
Lisa Lacey
You know. Yes, we all do. We all do, my friend.
[30:12]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah.
[30:12]
Lisa Lacey
I'm not.
[30:13]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
I'm not.
[30:13]
Lisa Lacey
I'm not so much.
[30:15]
It's so lovely to see you.
[30:17]
Sailor's Grandmother
Say hello.
[30:18]
Lisa Lacey
Yeah. Hey.
[30:19]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
And I know I'm not a. I'm not a certified madman anymore.
[30:24]
Sailor's Grandmother
Literally.
[30:25]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Even though people thought I was, I thought I was. They thought that period would define me forever. I'm. I'm. To anybody who's listening to the show, if I scared y' all in active, unusual ways, I'm sorry.
[30:43]
Lisa Lacey
Oh, Sailor. You know what, my friend? I'm so impressed with the way that you showed up to make changes in your life, and you just taught us all something very important. We are not defined by one single moment in our lives, are we?
[30:57]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
No. When we all. I know we've all had bad moments. We've all had some very bad moments. We all do we can't avoid it. And I guess this period, I guess, happened to be like one of them. And if you don't mind me ask, if you don't mind me mentioning, I was amazed what you've been going through because I know, like, while we were working together, you still had complications with your health. And in fact, we actually went on a hiatus for a month and I was very worried that we were not going to be able to continue. And I'm just so glad that we've made it as far as we did because I was like, oh my God, as soon as I saw one of your posts, I felt so like, wow, it's incredible. It's just my friend, I'm like a cockroach.
[31:48]
Lisa Lacey
I'm not going anywhere.
[31:49]
I'm not going anywhere.
[31:51]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
You almost died five months ago and I'm so glad you're still here.
[31:54]
Lisa Lacey
Well, thank you, my friend. Thank you. That was very scary. But you know what? When I got discharged from the hospital, I turned 50 right after and I took a solo sojourn with my 21 year old Italian greyhound, Mr. Villain, who I've had since he was three months old. It was just me and him and it changed the trajectory of my life. Sailor. So our adversities, and you've taught us this today, our adversities can help lead us in a direction that then makes us want to turn around and inspire others. And that's exactly what you do every day. So, yes, your family is right. Keep showing up and doing the work that you do. I'm going to keep showing up and do the work that I do. And you know what? I had a personal coach once tell me this, and I think it's so important. It's enough for us just to inspire one person.
[32:50]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
That's it.
[32:51]
Lisa Lacey
And if we're doing that, we're in the good human realm, right? We're good humans. So we'll be working on our shame
[32:58]
and guilt for probably the rest of our lives. If you've been a certified mad woman or madman.
[33:03]
But if we keep showing up for ourselves and then are in loving service to those that we love, care about, support and serve, the world is a better place. And the world is a better place with you in it, my friend. Thank you so much. All right, tell us where. Okay, we're going to put all the links for blissful connections for your coaching program. Everything's going to be here, guys. You don't have to write this down, but Saylor, tell us where people can find you. Where do they Go.
[33:30]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
If you go to real varietyradio.com, just simply go there. You'll find my stuff there. Or if you go to realvrityradio.com blissfulconnections. That's right. I have individual pages there. And if you, if you go there, you'll find all my information about me. I even have a speaking portfolio. Yes. One of the pillars I've been trying to work on is get five thousand dollar bookable, billable keynotes.
[34:03]
Sailor's Grandmother
Yes.
[34:03]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Before we begin working together. I mean, I'll still do it if I can get a gig, but I, I just, I, I don't want to overdo myself.
[34:13]
Lisa Lacey
Yes, we have to be mindful of our energy. Well, sailor, we're gonna put all your links for people to find you and including your speaking portfolio. And we always close out asking our guests two questions. Are you ready for them? All right, the first question is, in your own life, what did you perform in order to survive and what did dropping that role, mask or performance do to improve your life?
[34:42]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, I guess I just, I thought I had to live up to everybody else's expectations, whether it was people not understanding, like blindness, my primary disability, or just living to somebody else's expectations. How I should do something different when I know I'm on the right track. And yes, dropping that, dropping that mask has allowed me to just be my true authentic self. In other words, if I don't make, if, if I, if I don't make as much money as others, it's okay if I, I, I, I, I just get to be my true self and that's all what counts. And I know, like, like, like we said in session six, there are other people who are going to see me for who I truly am. And they will be in my circle.
[35:46]
Lisa Lacey
Yes, exactly, my friend. All right, last question. You ready?
[35:50]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah. All right.
[35:51]
Lisa Lacey
What do you wish we were talking more about? What do we need to be having more conversations about, in your opinion?
[35:58]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, definitely mental health. Yes, there's a, there's a difference between mental illness and mental health. We gotta lower the stigma and just talking about the seasons of life to be your true self. And that's what Blissful Connections is about. It's evolved. Not just having good relationships. It's about navigating life's journeys and life's relationships, whether it's neurodivergence, spirituality, family dynamics. One of my favorite episodes on there was a rerun I did last night. A guest I had on in February from Toronto, Canada, who was in a car accident was ejected from a vehicle and nearly died. Well, actually, she actually died. She went. She went to heaven. She saw spirits, and then her higher power told her that. And all her family members who've gone before her told her that she wasn't ready yet and she was brought back to life. And.
[37:04]
Lisa Lacey
Wow.
[37:05]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah, it's a great episode. And so we just need to have more conversations on mental health, authenticity, and just how to be your true self. Not everybody will get you, and that's okay. It doesn't define you.
[37:18]
Lisa Lacey
It doesn't define you, my friend. All right, guys, if you want to be a guest on Sailor's show, we're going to put a link where you can reach out. If you want them to come speak and inspire your audience, we're going to put a link for that, too. Sailor, my friend, so much love for you, and I'm so impressed with your journey. And thank you so much for being such a huge part of mine. You are valued and appreciated over here, my friend.
[37:43]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, you are, too. And maybe figuratively keep being a certified mad woman.
[37:49]
Lisa Lacey
I don't know if that's a good idea, my friend. No, we can't go that far. And I can't wait to talk about it.
[37:57]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
I can't wait to read your book.
[37:59]
Lisa Lacey
I'm excited, too. We're still on schedule. We're on schedule for October, so.
[38:03]
All right, friends out there, thank you
[38:04]
so much for joining Sailor and I
[38:06]
for this inspiring conversation. And remember, ask yourself the question, what are you performing in order to survive? And what might dropping that role, mask and performance do for your own life? I'm your host, Lisa Lacey, and when you find that answer, I'll see you at the edge. Thank you, Saylor.
[38:25]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Thank you. See you at the edge.

Summary6 min read

Podcast Summary: Notes from the Edge

Episode: Hope Without Sight: Learning to Feel Deeply Without Losing Yourself with Saylor Cooper
Host: Lisa Lacey
Guest: Saylor Cooper Saylor
Air Date: July 29, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of Notes from the Edge features an intimate conversation between host Lisa Lacey and Saylor Cooper Saylor—author, entrepreneur, radio host, and founder of Real Variety Radio and the podcast Blissful Connections. The discussion centers on Saylor’s journey overcoming adversity as a blind person living with disabilities, navigating emotional intensity, and forging self-acceptance amid societal misunderstanding. Together, Lisa and Saylor explore themes of survival versus thriving, emotional intelligence, the stigma in mental health, and the power of dropping the "performance" roles we often adopt to survive.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. From Survival to Transformation

Survival vs. Transformation:
Saylor reflects that for years he was simply surviving—masking, adapting, and trying to be someone else. The pivotal change came from accepting his true self and leaving behind the roles he performed just to fit in.

"Survival just meant to, I guess, try and mask and be someone who you're not. And what allowed me to stop surviving and to thrive is to become my true self, who I've always meant to be." (Saylor, 03:04)
Role of Transformational Coaching:
Saylor credits Lisa’s coaching, which combined personality assessments, emotional work, and self-discovery exercises, with helping him find unmatched growth compared to traditional therapy.

"What you've given me was unmatched compared to any other therapists... We're treated as an afterthought whenever we have a diagnosis. We're treated as a case somewhere on paper and it's not the way it should be." (Saylor, 03:46)

2. Mental Health Systems & Advocacy

Listening to Lived Experience:
Lisa highlights how the clinical world often overlooks the voices of those they're serving, failing to offer choice or agency.

"It's very important to listen to us, those of us experiencing it on the other side... not given a choice in our own care or treatment." (Lisa, 05:04)
Personal Choice and Non-Pathologizing:
Saylor emphasizes the importance of autonomy in recovery and the harm of being pathologized.

"I don't like when people pathologize people and it's not good." (Saylor, 05:20)

3. Living with Blindness—Misconceptions & Truths

Common Misunderstandings:
Saylor discusses how people often assume blindness equates to incapability, when in fact, blind individuals adapt and thrive in unique ways.

"People... think that we're incapable... But we could still do it, you know?" (Saylor, 06:02)

4. The Journey to Self-Understanding

Emotional Awareness and Forgiveness:
Through coaching and introspection, Saylor learned to understand his own emotions and why he reacts certain ways, which allowed for greater self-forgiveness and healing.

"Self-awareness and self-forgiveness can go a long way to guiding you in a space where you truly love your life again. Or the first time ever." (Lisa, 08:17)
Not Every Coach is the Right Fit:
Saylor and Lisa both stress the importance of finding the right individual to work with for personal transformation—not every therapeutic relationship will fit.

"Not everybody is meant to work with everybody." (Saylor, 09:24)

5. Empathy as a Gift and a Burden

The Double-Edged Sword:
Saylor describes lifelong hypersensitivity, from being overwhelmed by loud noises as a child to being deeply affected by others’ emotions as an adult.

"I've always been sensitive. I just never understood why until recently..." (Saylor, 12:06)
Learning to Be the Container, Not the Sponge:
Lisa and Saylor discuss setting energetic and emotional boundaries—holding space for others without absorbing their pain.

"It's not my responsibility to carry, like, everybody else's baggage." (Saylor, 13:22)

6. Emotional Intelligence & Relationships

Impact of Emotional Literacy:
Saylor’s focus on emotional intelligence (EI) has improved his relationships and helped set realistic expectations for himself and others.

"Understanding myself, how I operate and then understanding others... you help yourself first and then help others." (Saylor, 18:21)
Tools and Coping Skills:
Saylor shares strategies like scheduling regular calls with loved ones to reduce rejection sensitivity and advocating for his needs directly.

"If we can set a weekly schedule... and if, for whatever reason... just let me know. Let's reschedule and we're good." (Saylor, 19:13)

7. Overcoming Shame—Growth and Self-Acceptance

Letting Go of Old Behaviors:
Saylor openly discusses shame around past behaviors during times of stress and family transitions, emphasizing that trauma lives in the body and recovery is ongoing.

"Emotional pain can be just as painful as physical pain or even more." (Saylor, 23:32)
Maintenance and Continuing Growth:
Ongoing self-care practices—like somatic healing meditations—support Saylor’s continued regulation and growth.

"I listen to the Somatic Healing Meditations podcast... and I'm also part of her premium community..." (Saylor, 24:49)

8. Authenticity & Dropping the Mask

Living for Yourself, Not Others:
Saylor notes the liberation of letting go of others’ expectations and learning to be truly himself, both in personal life and entrepreneurial pursuits.

"Dropping that mask has allowed me to just be my true authentic self." (Saylor, 34:41)
The Ripple of Inspiration:
Lisa reflects that inspiring even one person is enough—and that both host and guest continue in service for this reason.

"It's enough for us just to inspire one person." (Lisa, 32:49)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Mental Health Reform:
"I don't like how the mental health system treats people. We're treated as an afterthought..."
—Saylor (03:46)
On Empathy & Boundaries:
"I've learned to not absorb everybody's energy... It's not my responsibility to carry everybody else's baggage."
—Saylor (13:22)
On Vulnerability and Growth:
"If I don't make as much money as others, it's okay... I just get to be my true self and that's all what counts."
—Saylor (34:41)
From Saylor’s Grandmother:
"I'm sure you know about the... silly, crazy ways... But there's so many of us that are just amazed and awed at his growing up and becoming on fabulous. On his journey."
—Sailor's Grandmother (29:41)

Timestamps for Key Topics

Saylor’s Introduction & Podcast Work – 01:22
Surviving vs. Thriving Discussion – 03:04
Critique of Mental Health System – 03:46
Misconceptions About Blindness – 06:02
Journey to Emotional Self-Awareness – 07:17
Empathy as Gift/Burden, Childhood Sensitivity – 11:06
Setting Boundaries: Being the Container – 13:22
Letting Go of Others’ Expectations, Toastmasters Story – 15:19
The Power of Emotional Intelligence – 18:21
Coping Skills for Rejection Sensitivity – 19:13
Shame, Trauma, and Self-Compassion – 21:43
Family Perspective: Saylor’s Grandmother – 28:30
Defining Moments Don’t Define Us – 30:43
Growth and the Ripple Effect – 32:49
Dropping the Performance, Living Authentically – 34:41
What We Should Talk More About: Mental Health and Authenticity – 35:58

Resource Links

Saylor's Work & Contact:
realvarietyradio.com
realvarietyradio.com/blissfulconnections

Closing Thoughts

Lisa and Saylor close with mutual appreciation for one another’s courage and honesty, reminding listeners that surviving adversity and embracing authenticity is ongoing, daily work. The episode stands out as an honest, emotionally resonant exploration of living deeply without losing yourself and the freedom that comes from dropping the acts we often play to belong.

To connect with Saylor, participate in Blissful Connections, or book him to speak, find links in the show notes.

Loading summary

Transcript127 lines

[00:01]
Lisa Lacey
Hey.
[00:02]
Hey, my friends. Welcome to another episode of Notes from the Edge. I'm your host, Lisa Lacey, and this is where we have the conversations we should have been having all along. In here, we talk about the things you ain't talking about. You won't talk about it, but we will. And today's guest is a very special friend of mine, Sailor Cooper Saylor. Cooper is an author, entrepreneur, radio host, speaker, and founder of Real Variety Radio, an Internet radio station created to unite listeners and artists through diverse music programming and storytelling. He is also the creator of a previous podcast, Hope Without Sight, where he shared thought provoking conversations with people who have overcome adversity and transformed their experience into resilience, hope and possibility. Blind and living with disabilities, Saylor has built his work around helping others recognize that circumstances do not determine the limits of our lives. And he has a very expansive professional background and he continues to explore emotional intelligence, empathy, personal growth, and the power of meaningful human connection, which is our whole purpose on this show.
[01:19]
Saylor, welcome to Notes from the Edge.
[01:21]
How are you today, my friend?
[01:23]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, you sound very energetic and alive. It's, it's the most energetic I've seen you in. Thank you for, for that introduction. Yes, I, I've hosted the whole outside podcast, but my latest podcast is the Blissful Connections radio show, live every Monday nights at 7pm on River Roddy Radio and then distributed the next day as a podcast. I know you were on that when we were working together. Yeah, Lisa and I go back almost a year because no worries, we're going to dive into detail and I might, I'm going to be raw here on the show and please bear with me if I get a little emotional and break down, but Lisa and I met whenever. Just my, my life was just in shambles and my life was completely upside down for a couple years and just fast forward, here we are now and I'm just glad to be here on the show. And we've all had whirlwinds.
[02:31]
Lisa Lacey
I know we've all had whirlwinds. That's right, my friend. And what I loved the most about you is I think you were actually one of my most favorite clients because you were so committed to the work. But you yourself have spent years interviewing people who have overcome their own adversities. So, Saylor, what have talking to all those people taught you about the difference between surviving and allowing something to transform you?
[03:05]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, I guess surviving. I guess I just never knew I really was surviving. I knew that survival just meant to, I guess, try and Mask and be someone who you're not. And what allowed me to stop surviving and to thrive is to become my true self, who I've always meant to be. And that's where your program that you used to host was, which was very transformational for me. It really helped me understand who I truly am. Basically with all the work that we did, such as the personality test, Clifton strengths, human design, astrology, all that stuff, and the emotional work, it was life changing. I wrote in my journal, as I said you, what you've given me was unmatched compared to any other therapists they could not have given me. I'm glad I want to tie this. Also, you said in your previous episodes, I don't like how you don't like how the mental health system treats people. We're treated as an afterthought whenever we have a diagnosis. We're treated as a case somewhere on paper and it's not the way it should be. It's not the way it should be.
[04:41]
Lisa Lacey
Well, that's why we're having these conversations, right my friend? So we can reform it. Right, so. And I think, I think there are well intentioned people in the clinical therapeutic arena. They're really just trying to help. But I think it's very important to listen to us, those of us experiencing it on the other side and maybe
[05:02]
get, get some feedback from us on
[05:04]
what the experience is like to be talked about and talked around and not given a choice in our own care or treatment. Don't you think personal choice is very important when it comes to mental health recovery?
[05:21]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
It is, yes. Personal space is very important. I don't like. What I'm trying to get is I don't like when people pathologized people and it's not good.
[05:32]
Lisa Lacey
Yeah, yeah. No, it's no fun.
[05:35]
It's definitely no fun.
[05:37]
And I think it limits our ability, it limits our ability to heal. So, sailor, let me ask you a very personal question. You said you'd will willing to get vulnerable here. So what, what do you feel like sighted people misunderstand about blindness the most? Where, where do you feel the most misunderstood or where are we cited people getting it wrong for you?
[06:03]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
We, oh, we get, we get this a lot. Whether if we're out and about or just interacting on a daily basis, people who don't know us, they think that we're, they think that we're incapable. There's a misconception that we're incapable of living life like everybody else. Yes. There's certain things that we can't do such as drive yet. But I mean, we could. We may have. Have addict adaptations and do things differently, but we could still. We could still do it, you know?
[06:36]
Lisa Lacey
Yeah. Yeah. Yes, absolutely. I think that is a misconception. And I think, sailor, that's why you enjoyed our work together so much. Because I just saw you as a human being willing to show up and do the work for yourself, and you hit on something in your first answer that I want to circle back to, and that is bec who you really are, no matter what, Setting loving but direct boundaries with people. So walk me through some of that process. How did you go from oh my gosh, my life is such a chaotic mess to man, I really like who I am as a human because I think a lot of people listening out there could learn from you right now.
[07:17]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
I guess validation helped basically. The work that we. But the work that we did together, like, like I said, all the. All the activities we did from nervous system regulation, understand how my nervous system works, and just all the discoveries that we did, it brought like an aha moment and helped me understand just who I truly am and why, the way I've been. Because before, before, I'm not gonna lie, whenever I had difficulties with certain people, I didn't understand what was going on. I didn't. I didn't even understand. I. I just didn't even understand, like, what was going on with myself.
[08:17]
Lisa Lacey
Yes. And I think an important piece of the work is creating that self awareness and self forgiveness. Right. We have to forgive ourselves for showing up and doing the best that we could with the tools we had at the time. So I think those two together, some self awareness and some self forgiveness can go a long way to guiding you in a space where you truly love your life again. Or the first time ever.
[08:48]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Exactly. Because one of the questions you included in here was, before we talk about today, take us back to the version who you truly were when you first came to work with me. What were you struggling to understand about yourself? Your emotions and what you experienced? The world. And yeah, I think I answered that very well. Like, and I know there are some other questions later, but I know, like, I've always been different, uniquely myself. I just never understood, like, how and why. And that's why not everybody is meant to work with everybody.
[09:25]
Lisa Lacey
And oh, no, it's got to be the right fit. Right? The right thing matters when you're working with transformational coaches, for sure.
[09:31]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
And it goes the same for my programs I've been trying to launch. I know not my My target audience is not just anybody. And that's why I, I, I host a podcast, and I book. I book discovery calls and make sure that we're the right fit, you know?
[09:48]
Lisa Lacey
I love it. I love it. Yes. That's. That's a very. Guys. And, and just, we hit on this a lot in this space because I had done all of the therapeutic stuff. You name an acronym, I did it. Dbt. Cbt. Neurofeedback, Brain Mapping, emdr. Eft. There's a letter to it. I did it. And I was still waking up going, man, I don't know if I want to be doing this. So I still wasn't feeling any better. It was a transformational coach that finally helped me move forward, and that's why I have so much respect for them and why I so highly recommend getting a transformational coach that is the right fit for you to supplement what you're doing in the clinical therapeutic arena. So. So, Sailor, you. Oh, go ahead.
[10:39]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah, and read to Echo on that. You rippled that down to me. You had a transformational coach. I got, I got. Then I got one. You were mine, and I'm becoming.
[10:48]
Lisa Lacey
And now you are one. Yes. That's how this works.
[10:52]
It is the ripple effect. I love it. I love it. Well, go ahead, Sailor. When did you realize that empathy was both a gift and something that could completely overwhelm you?
[11:07]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, man. Like I said, I've always known. I've been this way all my life. And maybe. And I know I knew that I was different. I knew that I was sensitive. We can trace it all the way back to since I was. Since I was a baby. You know, of course, loud noises would scare me, and I would get overstimulated. It would cause me to have seizures. And even one of my fascinations, I'll say on the show now, is engines. Small engines, leaf blowers, lawnmowers, weed eaters, and even, like, diesel engines, they were out. And you know what? I love them now. I'm the engine whisperer.
[11:53]
Lisa Lacey
Oh, my gosh. We've got a wood chipper right outside my door right now, my friend. You would love being over here. Started it at, like, 8 this morning. I was like, oh, no, I hope they can't hear it on the show. But Sailor loves them, so that's great.
[12:07]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
That's what ties to my sensitivity. Like, I've always been sensitive. I just never understood why until recently. And, like, that's why, like. And I like what you said on one of your raw episodes that you talked about your Grandmother who was brutally murdered by domestic violence. And you said how even a sound from a harsh tone of voice, especially like another man's harsh tone of voice, could really cause fear. And no wonder why I was reacting the way I did, like with certain, like, new family and stuff. And I think what has really helped me to finally be okay is the principle being the container, not the sponge and the breath work and the somatic work, and it's. Thank you.
[13:05]
Lisa Lacey
Yeah, you're welcome, my friend. Well, let's talk about that. Talk about being the container, not the sponge. So what was happening before and how is it different for you now in terms of experiencing other people's pain or grief or anger or emotion?
[13:23]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, how is it I just learned to not absorb everybody's energy? I guess just listen with. Listen to what the wants and these are. And, and it's not my responsibility to carry, like, everybody else's baggage. Like when other people have anxiety around me, I guess I just contain it and just focus on my true self, like when to intervene and when to step back. And I love that.
[13:58]
Lisa Lacey
Yeah, you're making conscious choices, right? You have to make conscious choices with what to do with their energy instead of subconsciously absorbing all of their stuff. Because we highly sensitive people do have attendance, caretakers, nurturers, highly sensitive people, HSPs, have a tendency to absorb a lot of stuff, and it can cause us a lot of problems if we get overstimulated. Like, we might not, you might not like it.
[14:28]
So it's good to be the container
[14:31]
and hold space, skillfully recognize what's ours, what's theirs, where we begin, where they end, all the good stuff.
[14:41]
So
[14:44]
your identity has become larger than anything that's ever held you back. Right now I think you're in a very pivotal place in your life. And it's. It's so amazing to see and to watch and I'm so excited for what's coming next for you, my friend. How have other people's expectations affected your life before? And then when did you stop believing or needing that and start really tuning into your own wants, needs, values for yourself first?
[15:20]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, this is a good one. Other people, like, have expected to be, like, sometimes someone who I'm. I'm not. And, and maybe even though intentions will would be good, like, they mean well, they want to, like, help me and correct me. It's just sometimes it's just the style way it comes across, that's what really has affected me in the past. And I'm going to, I want to, I want to say this without fail right now, out of all the sessions that we did in your former program, session six was by far my favorite. By far, because we talked about the emotional intelligence skill of the week. We had session six, I think over a year ago. A week, A year and a week ago, we had session six. And by the way, I saved all the recordings before you and I discover that you have a podcast. I listened to all those sessions, every single bit of it, just to reinforce that we learn. And what, what I Learned in session 6 was my favorite because we all have our circles and it's just about having realistic expectations versus unrealistic, even though other people mean well. Not everybody is meant to be a mentor. Not everybody is meant to be my coach. And you said that there are going to be just the right people who fall into my lap. And what, and what I've learned, especially in Toastmasters, is there's a difference between constructive feedback and criticism. It's just how it's delivered, the style is delivered, whether it's a positive or negative way. And that, that's just really helped me just be my true self. I don't care like whatever people, you know, think of me. I, Everybody's on their own journey. You know, I, I, I may not like how other people do. Others do certain things, but everybody's, everybody's their own, you know.
[17:33]
Lisa Lacey
That's right. And we meet people where they are, but that doesn't mean we have to spend all day with them either.
[17:39]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah.
[17:39]
Lisa Lacey
So I love that.
[17:40]
Well, let's talk about Toastmasters because you
[17:44]
recently gave master's speech.
[17:46]
Congratulations. It was on the gift of empathy. Your journey of emotional intelligence and feeling deeply. So what has an and man, you know, studies in science, Sailor. And you know this from our experience together. Teach us that EQ or ei emotional intelligence is actually more important than IQ and having healthy relationships. So talk to me about how increasing your emotional intelligence has improved your relationships and brought some good people into your circle, like we had talked about over a year ago.
[18:21]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, it isn't. Well, first the foundation of fundamentals. It is first. I'm glad we went to understanding myself, how I operate and then understanding others. You know, as the old saying goes, you help yourself first and then help others. Yes, I've, I'm glad I was able to understand myself and it has helped me to understand realistic expectations versus unrealistic expectations. My favorite worksheet cannot that you gave me is the ramped R A A
[19:01]
Lisa Lacey
M. Will we get ramped up? Yeah, I still have to use that, my friend, trust me, I have menopause, and I'm having to pull out my own workshop sheets. Recount.
[19:13]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Articulate. No, was it recount? Yeah, articulate. Advocate, manage, provide, and testify. Like another. And another characteristic I discovered that I have as part of being emotionally sensitive is that there's this. There's this term called rsd. Rejection sensit. Sensitive dysphoria. I'm sure you've heard of it. It's where you feel rejected. Very easy. Like when. And I'm glad you and I talked about this. Like when people. When I try to call someone, you know, whether it's a close friend or close relative, a sibling, aunt, uncle, I've been there before. And when they don't answer the calls, I just get very overwhelmed. I feel like they forgotten about me. But at the same time, I know how to advocate. For example, I understand everybody has a life. Everybody's busy. For example, if we can set a. A weekly schedule where. Where we can talk, you. You and I can have a phone call. I ask, like, what day works best for you. That's. That's. Coordinate a time window, say between like 5 and 7, and let's have our call then. And if, for whatever reason I know things come up, life happens, life changes. Just please don't leave me high and dry. Don't leave. Don't leave me in the dark. Let me know. Let's reschedule and we're good. As long as I love it.
[20:51]
Lisa Lacey
Yes, sailor. So you're coping ahead. You're. You're scheduling it. And my daughter and her grandmother, her memo have a weekly Sunday call. They do the same thing once a week, so I love that. And then you're letting people know, hey, by the way, I feel this way when you do this. Please don't ghost me, because that's gonna suck for me.
[21:12]
Yes.
[21:12]
Yes. Yes.
[21:14]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah.
[21:14]
Lisa Lacey
So you are now calmer, more grounded, and more connected to who you are at your core. And Sailor, I think there's something so cool that happens for us when we dig ourselves as human beings. We've forgiven ourselves for past behavior when we didn't have the tools. We articulate how we take and click to people. And so how has that growth affected your personal life? How has the past year been for you?
[21:44]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
It's been much calmer overall. I mean, and our best as well, want to be vulnerable. And maybe you could tell me that I'm not alone. You've been there. You. You could. I mean, everybody's journey is different. I know what you should. I shouldn't compare everybody's journey side by side, but we've all been there. I'm sure you've been there where you. You acted in ways that you didn't mean. You said hard stop. Actually ran fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. During my intense moments, I still feel like. I still feel shame. How I was. Like I fought two years ago. Just adjusting to a new family dynamic. I won't get into the specifics because this is a podcast, but adjusting to a new family dynamic, new family members coming into my life, whenever they and I clashed really hard. I mean, other people thought I was crazy, reacting the way I did. As I said, I'm glad you call yourself a certified mad woman. I'm not gonna lie. I was a certified madman.
[23:03]
Lisa Lacey
Are you a madman, sailor?
[23:05]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
No, I was. I was. I was a couple years. And what scared so many people is that they never seen me this way before. And I. I guess they just didn't. They didn't understand the context. Neither did I. And I'm glad, like you emphasize that whatever people has, whatever people have, whether it's bipolar disorder, BPD or trauma, I've had some trauma, and everybody has. Thankfully not severe. I'm glad to know how to manage it better. Like, trauma lives in the body. It's not logic. And I think it's very important that everybody needs to understand. People may have wisdom, but they don't understand everybody's experience. Everybody's experience is unique. And I will say this. Emotional pain can be just as painful as physical pain or even more.
[24:05]
Lisa Lacey
Yes. And emotional pain can eventually cause physical pain. As to. Let's not overlook that. And what I love about what you just highlighted, my friend, is change can be hard for of us. Like, transitions are hard for some of us. And you're absolutely right in. In my active addiction, I was not. We'll just say the kindest person. And you bring up another good point, sailor. You know, ditching the shame and guilt for previous behaviors where we probably didn't perform or react in a way that we can look back and go, wow, that was a great reaction. Is daily practice. And we're still at it, right? We're still working on it. We're work in progress always. Don't you think?
[24:49]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, yes. Well, we're always working. As long as we know that we're doing the best we can. And I still have my maintenance. I listen to the Somatic Healing Meditations podcast. I can send it to you. It's a. It's. It's. It's another podcast that a lady named Corinna, she's in Colorado, she does it. She does Somatic Breath work and release. And I'm also part of her premium community. As one of my birthday gifts I requested for my mom is to get a full membership to the Somatic Healing Hub, where we have group classes every week in Kajabi and we even, we have meditations, we have what's called nada yoga where an instructor comes on and he's from India, he has us do breath work and do. Sounds like yum.
[25:53]
Lisa Lacey
All that energy out.
[25:55]
Well, sailor, what is coming up next for you and where can people find you right now and your work?
[26:05]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
What's. Oh, I, I guess I'm just plugging along mainly. I have blissful connections. I still doing a podcast and I got people listening in the background. My grandmother's here in the background. Even though whether I'm getting paid for it or not, people tell me, people tell me to just keep doing it regardless because it's going to pay off. Even though I'm not sure how many listeners are listening, it's making a big impact. I'm proud of Notes from the Edge. That is number one. I want blissful connections to get there and I'm still doing that. Let's see, what else am I doing? I'm glad that I'm not chasing hype anymore because honestly, before we met, one of the most painful parts of this experience is during this period from 2023 until last year was I was also working very hard to become very successful in business, which meant like spending thousands and thousands of dollars on high ticket coaching programs that did not yield results and also chasing hype. I'm very thankful that I had investors, family and friends who helped me do it. I'm so, and I'm so glad even though it did not pay off, I don't have to pay them back. I already did in a way. I showed. I learned from it. I worked as hard as I could. And of course I'm just so glad that you and I met and that I went through. I'm so glad that you and I met and I went through your program. I'm glad we met at that summit that Jenny and Joe put on. It was meant to happen. It was, it was the divine God's, the universe's plan and, and we're all not perfect. And I'm just, I'm really. The work that, the work that you helped me do is it you. You really help. You really help me. I would, I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for you. Work.
[28:19]
Lisa Lacey
Well, thank you, my friend. And you know what? I don't know that I'd be where I am if it wasn't for you showing up and doing the work for yourself. Because you inspire me.
[28:28]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yes.
[28:28]
Lisa Lacey
Hi. Hello.
[28:30]
Sailor's Grandmother
I'm his grandmother. Team.
[28:32]
Lisa Lacey
Hey.
[28:34]
Sailor's Grandmother
I just wanted to see you. See what you look like, for one thing. But the main thing is I want to personally thank you for the entire family for what you have done for Sailor and helped him through his tough times in his journey. And we're. I personally, am so proud of him.
[28:54]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Thank you.
[28:54]
Lisa Lacey
Yes.
[28:55]
Doing.
[28:55]
Sailor's Grandmother
And he. He knows that. So just. I just felt like. And he wanted me to listen. He so was so happy about having this podcast with you.
[29:05]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah.
[29:05]
Sailor's Grandmother
So he asked me would I come over. And so I've been sitting over there having my coffee and enjoying every moment of it, wishing that I had recorded it on my phone, because I want the whole family and all of his friends to understand him as well as I think I understand him.
[29:22]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah.
[29:22]
Lisa Lacey
And.
[29:23]
Sailor's Grandmother
And you do. And he's understanding himself.
[29:27]
Lisa Lacey
There are.
[29:27]
Sailor's Grandmother
We do have family members that don't understand his hyperness.
[29:31]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
His.
[29:32]
Sailor's Grandmother
His, you know, silly, crazy ways. And I'm sure you know about the.
[29:38]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[29:41]
Sailor's Grandmother
But there's so many of us that are just amazed and odd at his growing up and becoming on Fabulous. On his journey.
[29:52]
Lisa Lacey
So, yeah, he is fabulous, and I've got chills.
[29:55]
Thank you so much. But you know what?
[29:57]
I'll tell you why.
[29:57]
He was my favorite client. He showed up and he did the work for himself.
[30:01]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yes.
[30:01]
Lisa Lacey
And he was excited to do it, and it wasn't.
[30:04]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah.
[30:04]
Lisa Lacey
You know. Yes, we all do. We all do, my friend.
[30:12]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah.
[30:12]
Lisa Lacey
I'm not.
[30:13]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
I'm not.
[30:13]
Lisa Lacey
I'm not so much.
[30:15]
It's so lovely to see you.
[30:17]
Sailor's Grandmother
Say hello.
[30:18]
Lisa Lacey
Yeah. Hey.
[30:19]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
And I know I'm not a. I'm not a certified madman anymore.
[30:24]
Sailor's Grandmother
Literally.
[30:25]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Even though people thought I was, I thought I was. They thought that period would define me forever. I'm. I'm. To anybody who's listening to the show, if I scared y' all in active, unusual ways, I'm sorry.
[30:43]
Lisa Lacey
Oh, Sailor. You know what, my friend? I'm so impressed with the way that you showed up to make changes in your life, and you just taught us all something very important. We are not defined by one single moment in our lives, are we?
[30:57]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
No. When we all. I know we've all had bad moments. We've all had some very bad moments. We all do we can't avoid it. And I guess this period, I guess, happened to be like one of them. And if you don't mind me ask, if you don't mind me mentioning, I was amazed what you've been going through because I know, like, while we were working together, you still had complications with your health. And in fact, we actually went on a hiatus for a month and I was very worried that we were not going to be able to continue. And I'm just so glad that we've made it as far as we did because I was like, oh my God, as soon as I saw one of your posts, I felt so like, wow, it's incredible. It's just my friend, I'm like a cockroach.
[31:48]
Lisa Lacey
I'm not going anywhere.
[31:49]
I'm not going anywhere.
[31:51]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
You almost died five months ago and I'm so glad you're still here.
[31:54]
Lisa Lacey
Well, thank you, my friend. Thank you. That was very scary. But you know what? When I got discharged from the hospital, I turned 50 right after and I took a solo sojourn with my 21 year old Italian greyhound, Mr. Villain, who I've had since he was three months old. It was just me and him and it changed the trajectory of my life. Sailor. So our adversities, and you've taught us this today, our adversities can help lead us in a direction that then makes us want to turn around and inspire others. And that's exactly what you do every day. So, yes, your family is right. Keep showing up and doing the work that you do. I'm going to keep showing up and do the work that I do. And you know what? I had a personal coach once tell me this, and I think it's so important. It's enough for us just to inspire one person.
[32:50]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
That's it.
[32:51]
Lisa Lacey
And if we're doing that, we're in the good human realm, right? We're good humans. So we'll be working on our shame
[32:58]
and guilt for probably the rest of our lives. If you've been a certified mad woman or madman.
[33:03]
But if we keep showing up for ourselves and then are in loving service to those that we love, care about, support and serve, the world is a better place. And the world is a better place with you in it, my friend. Thank you so much. All right, tell us where. Okay, we're going to put all the links for blissful connections for your coaching program. Everything's going to be here, guys. You don't have to write this down, but Saylor, tell us where people can find you. Where do they Go.
[33:30]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
If you go to real varietyradio.com, just simply go there. You'll find my stuff there. Or if you go to realvrityradio.com blissfulconnections. That's right. I have individual pages there. And if you, if you go there, you'll find all my information about me. I even have a speaking portfolio. Yes. One of the pillars I've been trying to work on is get five thousand dollar bookable, billable keynotes.
[34:03]
Sailor's Grandmother
Yes.
[34:03]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Before we begin working together. I mean, I'll still do it if I can get a gig, but I, I just, I, I don't want to overdo myself.
[34:13]
Lisa Lacey
Yes, we have to be mindful of our energy. Well, sailor, we're gonna put all your links for people to find you and including your speaking portfolio. And we always close out asking our guests two questions. Are you ready for them? All right, the first question is, in your own life, what did you perform in order to survive and what did dropping that role, mask or performance do to improve your life?
[34:42]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, I guess I just, I thought I had to live up to everybody else's expectations, whether it was people not understanding, like blindness, my primary disability, or just living to somebody else's expectations. How I should do something different when I know I'm on the right track. And yes, dropping that, dropping that mask has allowed me to just be my true authentic self. In other words, if I don't make, if, if I, if I don't make as much money as others, it's okay if I, I, I, I, I just get to be my true self and that's all what counts. And I know, like, like, like we said in session six, there are other people who are going to see me for who I truly am. And they will be in my circle.
[35:46]
Lisa Lacey
Yes, exactly, my friend. All right, last question. You ready?
[35:50]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah. All right.
[35:51]
Lisa Lacey
What do you wish we were talking more about? What do we need to be having more conversations about, in your opinion?
[35:58]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, definitely mental health. Yes, there's a, there's a difference between mental illness and mental health. We gotta lower the stigma and just talking about the seasons of life to be your true self. And that's what Blissful Connections is about. It's evolved. Not just having good relationships. It's about navigating life's journeys and life's relationships, whether it's neurodivergence, spirituality, family dynamics. One of my favorite episodes on there was a rerun I did last night. A guest I had on in February from Toronto, Canada, who was in a car accident was ejected from a vehicle and nearly died. Well, actually, she actually died. She went. She went to heaven. She saw spirits, and then her higher power told her that. And all her family members who've gone before her told her that she wasn't ready yet and she was brought back to life. And.
[37:04]
Lisa Lacey
Wow.
[37:05]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Yeah, it's a great episode. And so we just need to have more conversations on mental health, authenticity, and just how to be your true self. Not everybody will get you, and that's okay. It doesn't define you.
[37:18]
Lisa Lacey
It doesn't define you, my friend. All right, guys, if you want to be a guest on Sailor's show, we're going to put a link where you can reach out. If you want them to come speak and inspire your audience, we're going to put a link for that, too. Sailor, my friend, so much love for you, and I'm so impressed with your journey. And thank you so much for being such a huge part of mine. You are valued and appreciated over here, my friend.
[37:43]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Oh, you are, too. And maybe figuratively keep being a certified mad woman.
[37:49]
Lisa Lacey
I don't know if that's a good idea, my friend. No, we can't go that far. And I can't wait to talk about it.
[37:57]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
I can't wait to read your book.
[37:59]
Lisa Lacey
I'm excited, too. We're still on schedule. We're on schedule for October, so.
[38:03]
All right, friends out there, thank you
[38:04]
so much for joining Sailor and I
[38:06]
for this inspiring conversation. And remember, ask yourself the question, what are you performing in order to survive? And what might dropping that role, mask and performance do for your own life? I'm your host, Lisa Lacey, and when you find that answer, I'll see you at the edge. Thank you, Saylor.
[38:25]
Sailor Cooper Saylor
Thank you. See you at the edge.