NPR’s Book of the Day
Episode: ‘Fire in Every Direction’ is a personal work by Palestinian scholar Tareq Baconi
Date: November 20, 2025
Host: Layla Fadel
Guest: Tareq Baconi
Overview
This episode dives into Fire in Every Direction, a deeply personal memoir by Palestinian scholar Tareq Baconi. Known for his academic work on Hamas and Palestinian politics, Baconi shifts focus to his own coming-of-age story: growing up as a queer boy in Jordan, living within generational trauma and displacement, and struggling with silence, shame, and identity. Through candid conversation with Layla Fadel, Baconi reflects on queerness, family, the enduring concept of "home," and the liberation found in telling one’s own story.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Family & Generational Displacement
- Baconi’s family history is marked by cycles of exile and departure: a grandmother fleeing Palestine by boat, a mother uprooted from Lebanon after a refugee massacre, the family resettling in Jordan ([01:07]).
- The memoir is about “three generations of displacement” and the interwoven silences and stories that come with it.
Letters, Friendship, and First Love
- The book opens with Baconi revisiting a yellow box filled with letters from Ramsey, his childhood friend, neighbor, and first love ([01:32]–[02:26]).
“He was my neighbor. He was the first boy that I fell in love with... We were neighbors but also pen pals.” (Tareq Baconi, [01:42])
- The letters symbolize the nostalgia and preciousness of that period, as well as the pain of unresolved endings and misunderstanding.
The Mask & Coming Out
- Baconi describes his adolescence as one spent “wearing a mask,” hiding his sexuality—a protective mechanism but ultimately unsustainable ([03:13]–[03:37]).
- The necessity and consequences of removing the mask are central to his journey to authenticity.
Parallels Between Generations: Silence and Shrinking
- Baconi relates his mother’s suppression of her activism and political self—trading a life of protest for domesticity in Jordan—to his lived experience of self-silencing ([03:59]).
“The same way that silences shaped my life and made me smaller... those silences also impacted her.” (Tareq Baconi, [04:26])
The Weight of "Ayb" (Shame)
- The Arabic concept of ayb (shame) shapes both Baconi’s and his mother’s narratives, acting as a powerful social force in Arab communities globally ([05:01]–[05:24]).
“The notion of a' eb of shame, I think, is very oppressive and it's very resilient wherever you are... It's completely shaped my life.” (Tareq Baconi, [05:24])
Love, Anger, and Cultural Complexity
- Baconi maintains a nuanced view of his heritage—combining love for his culture with critique of its constraints. He explores the tension between belonging and rejection, especially after his unrequited love and departure from Jordan ([06:04]–[07:09]).
“The love is there. I don't know if I agree that there's no anger.” (Tareq Baconi, [06:34])
Coming Out to Family
-
Baconi recounts the tentative, staged process of coming out first to his mother, who then prompts him to tell his father—leading to an emotionally fraught but ultimately transformative family journey ([07:56]–[08:22]).
-
Notably, his mother gives his father sedatives before the conversation—a moment met with dark humor and understanding ([09:17]):
“Actually my mom did as well because she put sedatives in his coffee to make sure.” (Tareq Baconi, [08:22]) “Just drug him a little. Which, you know, in hindsight, Arab mama in an Arab home, she knows what she's doing.” (Tareq Baconi, [09:19])
-
Initial rejection from his father (“you cannot live in Jordan anymore”) gives way to an eventual embrace—described by Baconi as more loving and honest than before ([09:28], [10:54]).
“I just couldn’t believe where he got to and how he embraced me. And it really affirmed my impulse that...my relationship with my father is much...more loving and more honest than it ever was when I was hiding parts of myself from him.” ([10:54])
Searching for—and Redefining—Home
- Baconi explores his sense of home, which evolves from a geographic longing to the chosen community he builds across places ([10:01]):
“Home has come to mean something else to me. It's come to me and the people in my life that I love and that love me...” ([10:01]))
- His failure to ring the doorbell at his grandmother’s former house in Haifa is framed as symbolic of the complex search for belonging ([09:28]–[10:01]).
Writing and the Power of Memoir
- Baconi admits that writing this memoir was long-delayed (nearly 20 years) and emotionally daunting—contrasted with his prior academic work, which served as its own form of hiding ([11:30]–[13:05]).
“Writing analytically or writing academically is important, but it’s also a way of hiding. At least it was for me.” ([13:05])
- The memoir was “painful...but also cathartic,” freeing him to confront his own story in full ([13:05]).
- Release of the book amid ongoing geopolitical violence (referred to as “a moment of genocide”) gives the work unexpected urgency ([11:45]).
Liberation and Uncertainty
- Baconi closes the conversation reflecting on the risk and courage of publishing such a personal book:
“This is either the bravest or the stupidest thing I’ve done. And we’ll, we’ll find out soon enough.” ([14:05])
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On Friendship and First Love:
“Remsey was...my closest friend growing up...We were each other's...pen pals because we used to write each other letters the whole time.”
(Tareq Baconi, [01:42]) -
On Parental Silence:
“Silences shaped my life and made me smaller...those silences also impacted her.”
(Tareq Baconi, [04:26]) -
On Shame:
“The notion of a' eb of shame, I think, is very oppressive and it's very resilient wherever you are... It's completely shaped my life.”
(Tareq Baconi, [05:24]) -
On Coming Out:
“Actually, my mom did as well because she put sedatives in his coffee to make sure.”
(Tareq Baconi, [09:19]) -
On Finding Home:
“Home has come to mean something else to me...it's the people in my life that I love and that love me.”
(Tareq Baconi, [10:01]) -
On the End of Hiding:
“Writing analytically or writing academically is important, but it’s also a way of hiding. At least it was for me.”
(Tareq Baconi, [13:05]) -
On Vulnerability:
“This is either the bravest or the stupidest thing I’ve done. And we’ll, we’ll find out soon enough.”
(Tareq Baconi, [14:05])
Segment Timestamps
- [01:07] – Baconi’s family history of displacement
- [01:32] – The letters from Ramsey: origins and meaning
- [03:13] – Hiding sexuality, the mask, first confessions
- [04:26] – Parallels with mother's story: silencing and anger
- [05:24] – Discussion of ayb (shame) in Arab culture
- [06:04] – Loving but critiquing his cultural roots
- [07:56] – Coming out to family and family’s reaction
- [09:28] – Search for home, visiting Haifa
- [10:01] – Redefining home as chosen community
- [10:54] – Evolving relationship with father
- [11:45] – Why the memoir was written now
- [13:05] – Memoir vs academic writing: vulnerability and meaning
- [14:05] – Reflections on risk, release, and the unknown outcome
This episode offers an intimate and thought-provoking look at Baconi’s journey through family, loss, self-acceptance, and the act of claiming one’s story—set against the backdrop of displacement and political upheaval. For listeners, it’s an invitation to rethink shame, belonging, and honesty in the context of heritage and personal liberation.