Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Christmas Special — Guest: Chris McCausland
Date: December 10, 2025
Podcast: Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster
Host: Plosive

Episode Overview

In this festive Christmas special, Ed Gamble and James Acaster welcome comedian and recent Strictly Come Dancing champion Chris McCausland to the Off Menu dream restaurant. Brimming with sharp wit and holiday cheer, the trio riff on Christmas traditions, discuss Chris’s new autobiography Keep Laughing, and build his ultimate imaginary meal—from drinks to dessert, with plenty of classic Off Menu chaos in between. Along the way, Chris reflects on Strictly, culinary revelations, and the peculiarity of British and Brazilian food.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Introductions and Christmas Banter

• Ed and James celebrate their first Strictly champion guest and joke about the elusive Bill Bailey (04:26).
• Discussion of Chris's new book Keep Laughing, available in print and as a Chris-narrated audiobook (05:18–05:45).
• The “secret ingredient” that would see Chris ejected from the dream restaurant: Christingle—a clove-studded orange (06:16–07:04).

2. Initial Food Chat and Offbeat Observations

• The episode opens with playful teasing about James's breakfast mishap—spilling a wrap on his trousers, leading to extended discussion about food disasters (07:20–08:56).
  • “It's not often I’m the only one without food down my trousers.” —Chris (08:00)
  • Chris pitches a reality show, “Jizz or Not,” poking fun at modern TV’s absurdity (09:06–09:23).

3. Writing the Autobiography

• Chris describes “the rocket up your arse” of writing after the publisher put his book up for sale before he’d started (10:12–10:37).
  • “Nothing puts a rocket on your ass like a book being on sale that doesn’t exist.” —Chris (10:27)
• Strictly changed Chris’s approach, making him more open in sharing personal stories over just jokes (11:39–13:22).

4. Drinks: Still vs. Sparkling Water

• Chris rejects sparkling water with passionate analogy—likening it to “someone sucked all the fun out of lemonade” and “the beverage equivalent of an escalator that’s not moving” (14:12–15:39).
  • “I don't really trust people who drink sparkling water. Doesn't sit right with me.” —Chris (14:12)
• They joke about water in cans, sustainability, and trust in beverage vessels, with trademark off-menu absurdity (15:39–17:06).

5. Bread or Poppadoms?

• James attempts to surprise Chris with the show’s classic “poppadoms or bread” shout, but Chris’s reaction is nonplussed—“Where am I? Who offers poppadoms or bread?” (19:45–20:07).
• Chris shares his struggles with poppadoms and shared sauces, especially when visual cues are lacking (21:13–22:36).
• Instead, Chris proposes a practical solution: “Spoon of mango chutney, poppadom in your mouth; it’s all the same in the end” (23:16–24:02).
• Unique approach to toothpaste—he now squirts it directly in his mouth, a result of vision loss making toothbrush-balancing tricky (24:09–24:26).

6. Dream Starter: Antipasti for Four

• Chris selects antipasti for four as his dream starter, praising the joy of “separate things in your mouth in different combinations,” and the fun of mixing meats, breadsticks, mozzarella, and sun-dried tomatoes (26:00–29:47).
  • “Pick a card, pick a meat, any meat—don’t show me, just put it in your mouth.” —Chris (27:04)
• Conversation veers into choosing dinner companions—opting for the cast of Frasier rather than real-life celebrities, just to be among “farce and pretense” (32:08–34:11).

7. Dream Main Course: Brazilian Steak (Picanha)

• Chris, whose wife is Brazilian, describes his ideal main of Brazilian picanha: flame-cooked salted steak, served in bite-size pieces, with black beans, garlicky farofa (“like someone emptied their flip-flop on your plate”) and chips (38:14–40:58).
  • “Everything on that plate can be eaten with a fork. You can just kind of stab and shovel and get involved.” —Chris (40:31)
• Amusing stories about Brazilian barbecue, frustration with the ignored “traffic light” system, and tales from his travels—including the merits of ‘feet towels’ for hot sand (41:02–46:12).

8. Dream Christmas Dinner: All About the Ham

• Chris recounts a memorable Christmas dinner almost derailed by a spliff, rescued by an Italian chef friend (46:30–48:49).
  • “In the space of two minutes, I forgot everything that was on the oven.” —Chris (47:27)
• For Christmas, Chris far prefers ham over turkey. “Ham’s great cold, ham’s great hot… It’s like a meaty poppadom, innit?” (50:08–50:39)
• Disdain for cranberry sauce as an odd aristocratic tradition. “Like, just some absolute loon… put jam on a dinner.” (49:23)

9. Further Side Dishes

• Recollection of his university years: the “pot noodle sandwich”—beef and tomato pot noodle in white bread, folded over, “pot noodle fold-over.” (56:09–56:34)
• First taste of pizza at university: “It was the greatest culinary revelation of my life” (57:31).
  • The hosts decide Chris deserves both his first pizza slice and his nostalgic pot noodle sandwich as his side dish (58:40–58:51).

10. Dream Drink: Fiery Ginger Beer

• Chris wants a non-existent, ultra-intense, “extreme” ginger beer far spicier than anything commercially available (62:35–63:56).
  • “I want a ginger ginger beer that kicks my ass.” —Chris (63:56)
• Fentimans is his preferred real-world brand for its dryness and larger bottle size, but his dream is “ginger beer cheer, ginger ale fail.”

11. Dream Dessert: School Puddings with Excess Custard

• Chris craves nostalgic school desserts—treacle sponge, spotted dick, jam roly-poly—drenched in so much custard that the sponge is hidden beneath. Ideally with “the palette of a child,” so the sweetness level is just right (66:59–68:33).
  • “I want a bowl of custard… where I have to excavate the sponge like an archaeologist.” —Chris (68:21)

12. Strictly Come Dancing Reflections

• Chris relives the terror and pride of his Strictly journey. A highlight: “Every week, the person that went out had less points than us… we always held our own up until the final.” (70:05–73:01)
• Reveals most musical suggestions, especially Pearl Jam and Brazilian thrash, were vetoed as unsuitable for ballroom (73:09–75:11).

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On sparkling water:
  "It's the beverage equivalent of when you stand on an escalator that's not moving… your brain's expecting one thing and you get an entirely different thing." —Chris (14:37)

• On poppadoms and sauces (and practicality):
  “Why do people spend so much effort balancing toothpaste on a toothbrush… just squirt it in your mouth!” —Chris (23:51–24:02)

• On first pizza:
  “It was the greatest culinary revelation of my life… glad I started with a 99 pence pizza, because had I gone straight in Domino’s, I probably wouldn’t be here to tell the tale.” —Chris (57:31–58:05)

• On Brazilian barbecue:
  "Everything on that plate can be eaten with a fork. You can just kind of stab and shovel and get involved, and there's loads of garlic in the black beans.” —Chris (40:31)

• On Christmas ham:
  “Ham’s great cold, ham’s great hot, ham’s great sliced thin, fat chunks in a sandwich, on its own, used as a vehicle for something else. Almost like a meaty poppadom, innit?” —Chris (50:08)

• On dessert standards:
  “I want a bowl… that facilitates the custard being higher than the sponge. I want to be surprised when I see sponge in there.” —Chris (68:21)

Structured Menu (as Ordered by Chris)

Water: Still
Bread or Poppadoms: Poppadoms and dips (with strong emphasis on mango chutney and personal serving logistics)
Starter: Antipasti for four (assorted meats, mozzarella, sun-dried tomatoes, green olives, soft breadsticks), standing up in the kitchen
Main Course: Brazilian picanha steak with black beans, garlicky farofa, and chips
Christmas Dinner: Ham, stuffing, roast potatoes, parsnips (chopped short for safety); traditional British trimmings, no cranberry or apple sauce
Side Dish:

• Pot noodle fold-over (beef and tomato pot noodle on white bread, unbuttered, folded)
• Slice of first-ever (university-era) pizza
  Drink: “The most gingery ginger beer” imaginable—ultra-fiery, dry, preferably Fentimans but stronger
  Dessert: Nostalgic school dinner sponge-based puddings (e.g. treacle sponge, jam roly-poly) with copious (possibly pink) custard, served in a bowl “with the palate of a child”

Memorable Moments

• Chris’s practical food and toothpaste hacks are delivered with deadpan wit and vivid metaphors, prompting laughter and genuine reflection from the hosts.
• Sincere, moving discussion about learning to open up emotionally after Strictly (13:22).
• Riotous invention pitches: “feet towels” for hot sand and the “pot noodle fold-over.”
• The dream restaurant’s location morphs: at times, it’s inside a giant Pot Noodle in the middle of a Frasier episode.
• Chris’s gentle but pointed mockery of food traditions (parsnips as weapons, the lunacy of cranberry sauce, the cult of bread with oil and vinegar).
• Heartfelt insight into the pressure and pride of Strictly’s live shows and the way personal growth and public vulnerability have shaped his comedy and writing.

Useful Timestamps for Key Segments

• Secret Ingredient and Introductions: 06:09–07:18
• Popadoms/Bread Routine & Poppadom Logistics: 19:45–25:32
• Starter (Antipasti) & Frasier Fantasy: 25:37–34:18
• Main Course (Brazilian Steak): 38:12–42:08
• Christmas Dinner, Ham Discourse, Side Dishes: 46:30–58:33
• Dream Drink (Ginger Beer): 62:35–64:43
• Dessert (School Puddings with Custard): 66:58–68:35
• Strictly Come Dancing Stories: 69:00–75:01

Tone and Style

Chris’s signature blend of self-deprecating humor, sharp observational comedy, and culinary curiosity perfectly matches the show’s irreverent, good-natured banter. Ed and James riff along with glee, still delighting in radio theatre absurdity and rabbit-hole musings on the intricacies of eating, drinking, and living joyfully.

Conclusion

A festive, laughter-filled episode, combining British and Brazilian Christmas sensibilities, nostalgic food reveries, and the warmth of shared stories. Chris McCausland proves an ideal Off Menu guest: candid, quick-witted, and endlessly relatable. Fans of comedy, food, and Strictly will find plenty to savor.

Notable Quote to End:
"Ham’s great cold, ham’s great hot, ham’s great sliced thin... It’s like a meaty poppadom, innit?" —Chris McCausland (50:08)