Ep 264: Rukmini Iyer

Summary

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster – Episode 264: Rukmini Iyer

Released on September 25, 2024

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Introduction

In Episode 264 of Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster, hosts Ed Gamble and James Acaster welcome the talented Rukmini Iyer, a renowned food stylist and author. The episode delves into Rukmini's culinary journey, her bestselling cookbook series, and her insights into creating delicious, effortless meals for busy lives.

Guest Introduction: Rukmini Iyer

Rukmini Iyer, the mastermind behind the popular Roasting Tin series, is celebrated for her accessible and flavorful recipes. She recently released her latest book, The Green Cookbook: Easy Vegan and Vegetarian Dinners, which aims to simplify plant-based cooking without compromising on taste.

Rukmini's Culinary Journey

Before immersing herself in the culinary world, Rukmini pursued a career in law. However, her passion for food led her to shift gears, becoming a successful food stylist. Her background provides a unique perspective, blending precision and creativity in the kitchen.

• “When I was a lawyer, I hated my life. I decided to be experimental with food and tried cooking lamb sweetbread, but it just wasn't for me.” [38:17]

The Green Cookbook: Features and Highlights

Rukmini discusses her latest cookbook, emphasizing its focus on quick, one-pot meals that minimize cleanup—an essential for the "dad/ bloke market." The recipes are designed to be both time-efficient and delicious, perfect for weeknight dinners.

• “One of my favorite chapters is quick cook, quick carb. Your carb takes as long to cook as your sauce.” [11:08]

Signature Recipes Explored

1. Miso Butter Noodles with Tomatoes and Spring Onions

   • A simple yet flavorful dish that combines miso paste with fresh ingredients for a quick meal.
   • “It literally just takes minutes to put together. You’ve got miso paste, splash of rice wine vinegar, and ready to cook udon noodles.” [11:40]

2. Broccoli Pesto

   • An innovative way to utilize broccoli, Rukmini shares her technique for making a fresh and tasty pesto without overpowering the vegetable’s natural flavor.
   • “It doesn’t actually taste very broccoli. It just tastes delicious and green and really fresh.” [17:34]

3. Pistachio and Spring Onion Pesto with Butter Beans

   • A vibrant, shareable platter that combines marinated butter beans with a zesty pistachio pesto.
   • “Warm up some jarred butter beans with lemon zest and coriander seeds, then blitz up the spring onions and pistachios.” [17:46]

Parenting and Cooking: Navigating Kids’ Palates

Rukmini shares anecdotes about cooking for her children, highlighting the challenges and joys of catering to their evolving tastes.

• “My daughter loves buttered pasta but sticks to plain mushrooms when offered more complex dishes.” [07:35]

Creating the Dream Menu

In a fun and engaging segment, Rukmini collaborates with Ed and James to design her dream menu, encompassing her favorite starter, main course, side dish, dessert, and drink. This interactive portion showcases her creativity and passion for diverse flavors.

• Starter: Deep-Fried Platter featuring pakoras, zucchini fries, and tempura prawns with homemade coriander chutney.

  • “Deep-fried food is delicious, and I want a round-the-world platter of pakoras.” [27:21]

• Main Course: Salmon with Hollandaise and Asparagus.

  • “I want it to taste like the first time I had it when I was a teenager.” [33:52]

• Side Dish: Kale and Buttered Cabbage with Crushed Sichuan Peppercorns.

  • “Avoid putting too many Sichuan peppercorns; a couple is enough to add a nice kick.” [44:57]

• Dessert: Cake Mousse—a layered dessert combining chocolate cake with raspberry and passion fruit mousse, finished with shaved chocolate.

  • “It’s a dream dessert that doesn’t exist yet, but I’d love to create it.” [54:47]

• Drink: A refreshing combination of red wine and sparkling water.

  • “Sparkling water and red wine are a really nice combo.” [46:01]

Behind the Scenes: Food Styling in Film

Rukmini recounts her experience working as a food stylist on a film set in Morocco, where she collaborated with stars like Matt Smith and Jessica Chastain. Her role involved preparing visually appealing dishes that looked perfect on camera, requiring both artistic and culinary skills.

• “I found myself handing over plates to Matt Smith in the desert and ensuring every dish was picture-perfect.” [48:27]

Humorous Banter and Creative Ideas

Throughout the episode, Ed and James engage in playful banter with Rukmini, brainstorming whimsical concepts like a cookbook for men who love washing up and ideating fictional TV shows featuring baby lawyers. These light-hearted moments add humor and showcase the hosts' chemistry with their guest.

• “If a chef promotes a green cookbook and chooses beef jerky, we have to kick her out. It’s beef jerky’s only role is to mosh.)” [03:15]

Conclusion: Celebrating Rukmini’s Contributions

As the episode wraps up, Ed and James express their enthusiasm for Rukmini's cookbook, eager to try out the recipes and share their experiences with listeners. They commend her for providing practical and tasty solutions for home cooking, especially for those with busy lifestyles.

• “Rukmini also did not say beef jerky, so she was allowed to complete her menu. And that has also allowed us to plug her book again.” [60:11]

Notable Quotes

• “We own a dream restaurant. Every single week we invite in a guest.” – James Acaster [01:43]

• “Miso butter noodles with tomatoes and spring onions. It literally just takes minutes to put together.” – Rukmini Iyer [11:08]

• “Deep-fried food is delicious, and I want a round-the-world platter of pakoras.” – Rukmini Iyer [27:21]

• “I want it to taste like the first time I had it when I was a teenager.” – Rukmini Iyer [33:52]

• “It’s a dream dessert that doesn’t exist yet, but I’d love to create it.” – Rukmini Iyer [54:47]

Final Thoughts

This episode of Off Menu offers listeners an enriching blend of culinary expertise, personal anecdotes, and humorous interactions. Rukmini Iyer's pragmatic approach to cooking, combined with her creative flair, provides valuable insights for both novice and seasoned home cooks. Whether you're looking to streamline your meal prep or explore new flavor combinations, this episode is a treasure trove of inspiration.

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About the Hosts

Off Menu is hosted by comedians Ed Gamble and James Acaster, who bring humor and creativity to the culinary conversations. Each episode invites special guests to design their dream meal, offering listeners a glimpse into their favorite dishes and cooking philosophies.

About Rukmini Iyer

Rukmini Iyer is a celebrated food stylist and author known for her Roasting Tin cookbook series. Her latest work, The Green Cookbook, focuses on easy vegan and vegetarian dinners, making plant-based cooking accessible and enjoyable for all.

Transcript

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[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Taking the crisp bacon of conversation, putting it on the buttered bread of the Internet, adding the tomato ketchup of great times and. And then why not a fried egg of humor?

[James Acaster]

James, that is Ed Gamble. My name is Ben.

[Ed Gamble]

Ben's gonna cut my cough, so you're gonna sound incredibly weird.

[James Acaster]

No, he won't cut your cough.

[Ed Gamble]

He will. It's disgusting.

[James Acaster]

I didn't know he cut coughs on this podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, so my cough's been cut out. Yeah, but yours will still be in.

[James Acaster]

Mine was fake for the listeners.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, you sound crazy.

[James Acaster]

That is Ed Gamble. My name is James. A cassette. I'm crazy. And this is the Off Menu podcast. We own a dream restaurant. Every single week we invite in a guest. We ask them their favorite ever start a Menkel dessert side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week our guest is Rukmini.

[Ed Gamble]

The author of the Roasting Tin series of cookbooks which are hugely popular, very popular. Some fantastic recipes. Anne Gamble, my mum. Big fan.

[James Acaster]

And Ben is a big fan.

[Ed Gamble]

I think you said the Great Bonito.

[James Acaster]

Sorry? For the listener. The Great Bonito, yes. But a new book is out, the green Cookbook. Easy Vegan and Vegetarian Dinners.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm already excited. We've been sent a copy of it. I've been having a look through it. I can't wait, James.

[James Acaster]

It's out now, so definitely get on that. And get the Roastington book if you haven't had them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, do. And it's always fun having a chef on as well, James.

[James Acaster]

It is. It's nice to Have a chef on different perspective on food, which you'd think that we'd have mainly chefs on, but like idiots. We have mainly comedians and idiots. And idiots.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And it's nice to get someone who really knows their onions.

[Ed Gamble]

Absolutely.

[James Acaster]

Literally.

[Ed Gamble]

But if Rukmini says a secret ingredient which we have pre agreed upon, we will unfortunately have to ask her to leave the restaurant, which would be embarrassing because I'm sure she's got plenty of interesting stuff to say.

[James Acaster]

Yes. If we kick a chef out, it's egg on our face.

[Ed Gamble]

It's egg on, literally. And the secret ingredient this week is beef jerky. I don't know if it's going to come up. You know we're going to be chatting about Rukmini's vegan and vegetarian cookbook.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It would seem weird if beef jerky came up, but beef jerky's an acquired taste, James.

[James Acaster]

It's an acquired taste. I think we both like it. Yeah, I like it.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't really like the. Some of the stuff you buy in the supermarket can be a bit gelatinous for me.

[James Acaster]

Oh, it has to be a good beef jerky. Yes. I can't just grab anything off the shelf. Yeah. Like, it has to be something people say, have you tried this? It's great. Yeah, it comes recommended. I'll have the beef jerky, but I'm not just grabbing it willy nilly.

[Ed Gamble]

No, you're not grabbing beef willy nilly, are you?

[James Acaster]

I'm not grabbing beef willy nilly, but I think that we can only really chuck a chef out with a clear conscience. If they're promoting a green cookbook and they chose beef jerky, then we at least feel like we've got some solid ground to stand on.

[Ed Gamble]

Beef jerky's not appeared on any menus so far, as far as I'm aware.

[James Acaster]

No, it hasn't. I think maybe we've had biltong once maybe.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, biltong's come up.

[James Acaster]

Similar thing.

[Ed Gamble]

Similar sort of thing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Dried beef.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But, yeah, look, I'm not sure she's gonna pick it, but if she does, we are correct to kick her out.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I think we'll feel alright about that.

[Ed Gamble]

So let's find out. This is the off menu menu of R. Welcome Rukmini to the dream restaurant.

[Rukmini]

Thank you very much for having me.

[James Acaster]

Welcome Rukmini to the dream restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.

[Ed Gamble]

Big one today.

[James Acaster]

Really Happy response.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Happy reaction to it.

[Rukmini]

Yeah. No, no. Happy to be out of the house. I don't get out much. So this week.

[James Acaster]

That's fair enough.

[Ed Gamble]

That's it. We rarely get that response to a genie which is happy to be out the house. Like, that's, you know, not the magic of the genie, not the excitement to see a genie. Just happy to be anywhere.

[Rukmini]

Anywhere, anywhere. It's not the four walls of my house.

[James Acaster]

Happy to be out of the lab.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Good. You're the same.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I just got out. Yeah, it's been a while since the last episode.

[Rukmini]

Stuck in here, a small room.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. If I knew what the last episode was, because we record these randomly. But if I knew what the last episode that went out was, I could say, like, I haven't seen anyone since that person.

[Rukmini]

Insert here.

[James Acaster]

But, you know, I don't know.

[Ed Gamble]

Ben, will you edit? No. Okay.

[James Acaster]

You won't put it in?

[Ed Gamble]

No, he won't edit in the name.

[James Acaster]

That's what my life must be like, actually.

[Ed Gamble]

What do you mean?

[James Acaster]

I just like come out the lamp and I see a celeb and then I go back in the lamp and then I'm out again. And it's just like a mad existence.

[Ed Gamble]

Sort of what your life is in real life.

[James Acaster]

That's true.

[Ed Gamble]

You're just in your house and then you come here, you meet, I guess, and then you go home again.

[James Acaster]

That is true. I don't really do much besides that. And you say you don't get out the house much. Why? What's going on?

[Rukmini]

Well, I feel like I do. It's just. I go to nursery and back. That's it. That's a highlight of the day. Walk the dog to the nursery, drop the child, come back.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yes. You go to the nursery to take a child there.

[Rukmini]

Oh, yeah. I don't just go randomly.

[Ed Gamble]

When you said it initially, you're like as if you attend nurses.

[James Acaster]

That's how it's.

[Rukmini]

I mean, it's tempting. There's a hand painting, there's snacks every two hours, one on one attention with like a nice person. So, I mean, not quite one on one, apparently. One to four, one to five. But yeah, it seems like a great environment. I would stay, actually.

[Ed Gamble]

What snacks are they having every two hours?

[Rukmini]

They get nice stuff like watermelon breadsticks. Yeah, like good stuff for snacks.

[Ed Gamble]

I feel like breadsticks really drop off after the age of six. Like you get way more breadsticks and rusks, crisp things.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, I guess they're low salt, but I have a soft spot. You know, you're on holiday in Europe and you sit at a table and you have Some, like, bone dry breadsticks in the middle of the table. It's like. Yeah, I'll have them.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you want to season one.

[Rukmini]

Paper casing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, a little paper casing.

[Rukmini]

Paper casing.

[James Acaster]

I want something on them, though. I want there to be some, like, seasoning on there. No, not even a. Yeah, a dip maybe. But like, I want there to be like some salt or some like little.

[Rukmini]

Like seeds or something.

[James Acaster]

Or something on there. Yeah, yeah. Don't just give me the bone dry.

[Ed Gamble]

No, but they're doing that.

[Rukmini]

I'll take it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

They're doing that to make you drink more, right?

[Rukmini]

Oh, yeah, yeah, that must be it. But then they need more salt, don't you? Yeah, the more you drink.

[James Acaster]

Oldest trick in the book.

[Ed Gamble]

I fall for it every time.

[Rukmini]

Yes, me too.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Eat all the breadsticks. More beer, please.

[Rukmini]

Have a free olive.

[Ed Gamble]

That's it.

[James Acaster]

Olives.

[Ed Gamble]

It's all a trick, isn't it?

[Rukmini]

It's a massive trick.

[James Acaster]

What if they had those for snacks at the nursery?

[Rukmini]

A lot of the kids do seem to eat olives. Yeah. My daughter and her little friends. I was like, you're literally two and a half. Why are you nailing all the olives?

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, I know. It's sophisticated taste because olives used to.

[Ed Gamble]

Be like the mark of growing up, right?

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Enjoy the first time you enjoy an olive, but now no more. These kids.

[James Acaster]

Evolution, man.

[Rukmini]

I know, I know. She still enjoys buttered pasta, though. So I'm not completely.

[James Acaster]

Do you think it's the next step in evolution is that children with olives?

[Rukmini]

Yeah, they'll be like, can I have some anchovies with that? Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Odd, man. Are there any, like, foods that your kids have that or that your kids won't eat?

[Rukmini]

It really varies from day to day. My eldest is having, like. She's been on mushrooms. Not, you know, the.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Rukmini]

Exciting kind. Just like the regular chestnut button button mushrooms. Chestnut mushrooms. And like, she just wants those. And you try and give them like a nice mushroom linguine or something. She's like, just the mushrooms. And then she sort of just stabs and eats the mushrooms. So at least it's vitamin D, right?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

Although, do you have to leave them out in the sun to make them vitamin D mushrooms? Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm not sure.

[Rukmini]

I don't know.

[James Acaster]

Hold on a sec. What?

[Rukmini]

I feel like I've absolutely absorb the sun. Yes. But only if you, like, left them on a sunny windowsill for like a little while.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Rukmini]

But I don't know how true that is. I shouldn't be offering medical advice on a podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

That feels like a risk as well. Leaving. Just leaving mushrooms out.

[Rukmini]

Yeah. Because when they go off, they're really, really bad. So I don't know. This should come with a disclaimer. I don't know.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, well, sometimes Benito Google's facts and this will be the earliest he's had to Google anything. It's true. He's already done it.

[Rukmini]

Wow.

[James Acaster]

Amazing. He's already done it.

[Rukmini]

Thank you very much.

[James Acaster]

It says exposing mushrooms to UV lights, whether by design or unintentionally, causes measurable increases in the vitamin D2 content. Now, I don't know if they needed to specify whether by design or unintentionally.

[Rukmini]

Because obviously, well, I guess mushrooms like dark places, but if you were worried about that, you could put a UV sad lamp in your fridge.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's good. And then during winter, every time you open the fridge. Cheer you up a bit.

[Rukmini]

Exactly.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

And then some tasty vitamin D mushrooms on top of it.

[Ed Gamble]

Why not?

[Rukmini]

I think we should market this.

[Ed Gamble]

Does it work if you leave a mushroom pizza out, do you reckon? Just leave that out in the sun.

[Rukmini]

That's disgusting.

[James Acaster]

Yes, yes. He's asking because he's left a mushroom pizza. He's just remembered a tasty snack for.

[Rukmini]

When you get home.

[Ed Gamble]

I've left it on the window, so I hope a cheeky little fat boy from the Beamer doesn't grab it.

[Rukmini]

It's probably a fox.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Let's talk about the Green Cookbook, your new vegan and vegetarian dinners cookbooks. Very exciting. Thank you. When you start working on this, because these kind of things take ages, Right?

[Rukmini]

Well, actually, my publisher has a big stick and they've kind of like, been like, you will publish a book a year for the last sort of six or seven years.

[James Acaster]

Want us to step in?

[Rukmini]

Yeah, that'll be great.

[James Acaster]

Sounds bad.

[Rukmini]

Do you have another stick? Like, you just, like, stick fight in the middle of the office? Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah. Teetered with loads of. Loads of salt.

[Ed Gamble]

You can't bring a breadstick to a stick fight.

[James Acaster]

You're in big trouble. Unless they've just had a beer. Yeah, that looks good.

[Rukmini]

Maybe like a bamboo cane from the garden. Just a. Oh, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Oh, fucking. You'd tear someone up with that. Absolutely.

[Rukmini]

Well, your tomatoes might suffer if you.

[James Acaster]

Still got the tomatoes wrapped around it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rukmini]

Tasty snack again.

[James Acaster]

But then they would be confused in the fight. They'd be like, I'm bleeding.

[Ed Gamble]

Splatter everywhere.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you splattered everywhere.

[Rukmini]

Took a dark Turn, didn't it?

[James Acaster]

No, no, no. We can get darker.

[Ed Gamble]

I think we're just getting started.

[James Acaster]

We're going to talk about a cookbook. We talked about a stick fight. Pretty early doors there.

[Rukmini]

Cookbook. Yes. Well, it's not in a roasting tin. So all of my previous books were pretty much more or less roasting tin books. And that's really great because it's so hands free. You know, you want something really nice to eat and you do not want to be standing and cooking in front of a hot stove. I mean, I love cooking, you guys love cooking. But it's 7:00 and you came home and you've had a long day and you just want something really tasty without all of the standing. So the tin books were to fill that space, like, what can I chop it, chuck it in, have something delicious? And this, it feels like a progression because I've still got lots of one pots and one tins, which means less washing up, which is actually goes down really well with the dad slash bloke market because they're like, yes, no washing up at the end. But you can be even quicker and more efficient if you're using the hob sometimes. So, like one of my favorite chapters is quick cook, quick carb. So your carb takes as long to cook as your sauce.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, that's good.

[Rukmini]

And the best one, I think, should I give a best? People always ask me the cookbook, like, what's your favorite? And it's like, well, they just have that, never mind the recipe. But the rest of the book is also good. It's the miso butter noodles with tomatoes and spring onions. And it literally just takes minutes to put together. You got any old miso base will do, like white, red, whatever. You've got spring onions, garlic, ginger, tomatoes, five minutes in a pan, miso paste, splash of rice wine vinegar. And then you just stir through those, ready to cook udon noodles. And it's amazing. Actually, my daughter does eat that.

[James Acaster]

Great.

[Rukmini]

What would you like for dinner? Miso noodles.

[Ed Gamble]

That sounds so good.

[Rukmini]

It's really good.

[Ed Gamble]

The problem is I would do that for the first time and go, this is absolutely delicious. Then I have a jar of miso sat there and then I'm doing that every night for a week.

[Rukmini]

Oh yeah, we get through the miso every single night. At least every week we have that. It's really nice. And then obviously if you want to protein it up, you could like add a bit of tofu and stuff. But it's just a really nice. I want dinner in 10 minutes. I have no patience. It's 7:30.

[James Acaster]

For a book like this, how many of the recipes are stuff that you've already been making with your family? And how many are ones that you go, okay, I've got to do a cookbook. So now I've got to think of some more recipes.

[Rukmini]

This one's been a nice one because it's been more organic. This has been things that I've just cooked at home more. It's worked. And then if I remember to write it down, or at least write down the headline of what it is, my recipe titles are always quite long. Miso Butter Noodles with Spring Onions and Tomatoes. Because I want you to know what it is that is the recipe. But I like that you need a pan, you know? You know, like if you were at a restaurant and they were just like, noodles. Well, I don't know. I don't know. And the fancy of the restaurant, they're like egg, ham, green. I was like, well, I still don't really know what I'm getting there.

[Ed Gamble]

The fancy, more hipster restaurants are just.

[Rukmini]

Fewer words.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, Fewer words. No, no, capitals at the beginning of the word.

[Rukmini]

Oh, yes, that's very Fancy.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Noodles. 12. The price will just.

[Rukmini]

12. 12. What?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Oh, my God.

[Rukmini]

12 tears.

[Ed Gamble]

12 noodles.

[Rukmini]

What is it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, those guys.

[Rukmini]

So I like. I like it to be very obvious.

[James Acaster]

I love the food when it comes. I don't like looking at the menu.

[Rukmini]

You're looking at the bill at the end.

[James Acaster]

I should say, hey, I'm rich. This podcast has made looking at the bill very easy. I'm not going to deny it.

[Ed Gamble]

All the chefs go, you don't have to pay for that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Mention us on the podcast.

[James Acaster]

Okay. Suckers. See you later. See you later. You're absolute suckers. That's what I say.

[Rukmini]

Nice.

[James Acaster]

I'll say it to their face.

[Ed Gamble]

I like washing up. I think next you should do a book for men who like washing up.

[Rukmini]

Yeah. The really complicated book of stuff that's going to take you all night to make and give you a ton of washing up.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

Well, it's basically any chef book, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

That's a bit mean, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, no, it is. I always have a go at Tom Kerridge.

[Rukmini]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Read one of his books. You need a blast chiller to do half the recipes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

Tom Kerridge.

[James Acaster]

His books are rubbish. He's rubbish cook.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

If you are going to do a cookbook for men who like washing up, Ed could Be in all the photos. And you would shift a lot of copies.

[Rukmini]

Man washing up. Yes, you are.

[James Acaster]

A lot of ladies would love.

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Would they?

[James Acaster]

A series of pictures of Ed washing.

[Ed Gamble]

Up covered in suds.

[James Acaster]

Elbow deep in suds. Nice little penny on that.

[Rukmini]

Sounds like a camera.

[James Acaster]

Smiling at the camera.

[Rukmini]

Sounds like you're getting a lot of thought to this.

[James Acaster]

That'd be flying off the shelves.

[Rukmini]

Is that selling on your website?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, well, it would do. Ben's writing it down as an idea.

[Ed Gamble]

When are we calendar, actually.

[James Acaster]

Huh.

[Rukmini]

You should do.

[Ed Gamble]

When are we going to do a calendar.

[Rukmini]

You could do it with the dogs that come in. So either you go down the suds route or you go down the dogs that guess the bro.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, we were listing some of the. Some of the dogs beforehand that have come in here. There's quite a few people who brought their pets in.

[Rukmini]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And we can. And toast, of course. It's like toast the COVID Well, we always start with still or sparkling water.

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Do you have a preference?

[Rukmini]

I do. It is sparkling. I mean, I definitely thought that sparkling was totally grim for about 35 years of my life. And then I went on this spa day with my younger sister, who's much more sensible than me and sitting down, having a nice spa day, and I was like, all right. And she, in the nicest possible way was like, well, you know, if you order sparkling water, you don't have to have wine every lunchtime. I was like, okay, yeah, yeah, let's try it. And actually, she's right, because it does fill a spot when you're like, oh, I kind of want something to taste of something. But maybe I don't actually want wine every lunchtime.

[Ed Gamble]

And I absolutely love how sibling that is as well. Just the most passive aggressive way of saying something.

[Rukmini]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Because we've been talking on the WhatsApp group, actually, the one that you're not in, and you do have wine every lunch.

[Rukmini]

Yes, yes. She is a lush. No. So, yeah, since then, I think sparkling water hits that. Hits that spot. And in lockdown, I had a real San Pelorino habit. Bottle a day. Yeah, it was a lot. Didn't have to do a dentist, obviously, which is great as well. But, yes, I did.

[Ed Gamble]

I think of all the. Of all the habits you could have picked up in lockdown, having a bottle of San Pellegrino a day is fine.

[James Acaster]

I know quite a few people who. That was not their habit in lockdown.

[Rukmini]

Got to find something to fill your day.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I mean, do you find, though, there are certain things that, like, now they just remind me of lockdown. And even though I actually had quite a nice little lockdown, but I still don't like being reminded of it. Like, I still feel weird when I walk down certain streets and go, oh, this is why I used to walk every single day. And I don't like it. It reminds me of lockdown. It feels weird. I think Aperol Spice probably do Aperol spritz.

[Rukmini]

Yeah. My friend and I, we get a big, like a nice cool box. Jam jars, like Bon Mama jam jars. Because you don't want to drink out of a plastic cup. But I can't be arsed breaking glassware. Bon Mama hits the spot and we just sit in the park and like, make up Aperol spritzes with ice and everything. And it was great.

[Ed Gamble]

It's nice.

[Rukmini]

But not really done it since, like, maybe over apparel spritz. Like, you have too much Marlboro Sauvignon Blanc in your 20s and you're like.

[James Acaster]

No, I too much treats. The broccoli pasta.

[Rukmini]

Oh, yeah, I heard about that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Now I can't. I can't eat it.

[Rukmini]

But what do you do with the head of the broccoli now? Found more things.

[James Acaster]

That's what we've got to figure out.

[Rukmini]

There's some recipes here that you could.

[James Acaster]

Use in the Green Cookbook. Might help me out.

[Rukmini]

There's a really good broccoli pesto you can do. Oh, lovely to go through. So you just, like, stick it in your Maggie, a bit of garlic, like, bit of salt, and you use that instead of your basil. And it's cheaper, kind of than using that much. Who has a broccoli amount, size of basil? No one.

[James Acaster]

Great. So I can make my own pesto with the heads.

[Rukmini]

Well, it's just really quick and you can cook it while your pasta cooks. And it's super tasty.

[James Acaster]

This is a huge moment on the podcast. For ages we've been asking, what do we do with the heads? And I'm going to make the broccoli pesto.

[Rukmini]

Make broccoli pesto.

[James Acaster]

It's the Green Cookbook. Yes.

[Rukmini]

And it doesn't actually taste very broccoli.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Rukmini]

Like, it just tastes delicious and green and, like, really fresh. And you're not cooking it, but because you blend it, it goes really bright green. Yeah, it's really tasty. Pop some nuts on. As long as no one's got nut allergy.

[James Acaster]

Pine nuts.

[Rukmini]

Probably pine nuts. But, you know, anything will do. I know a lot of recipes for pesto are like, it's Going to be pine nuts, like, mate, once it's blended, you literally cannot tell. You could fancy.

[Ed Gamble]

Walnuts are really. I like walnuts in.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, I think that one, actually, it might be a broccoli walnut, but, you know, my book might. Yeah, there you go. It might be. And if you're feeling particularly like flexing, you could always use pistachios.

[James Acaster]

I've got a bunch of pistachios in the cupboard. Pistachio flexing, doing absolutely nothing.

[Ed Gamble]

Can a recipe be too green?

[Rukmini]

Well, no, it can't. No, it can't. I mean, they're good for you.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

Greens are great for you and tasty. Actually, if you wanted to use up your pistachios, I could recommend a pistachio and spring onion pesto that's in the book as well, which you do with marinated butter beans. And it's in the cooking for your friends section. Like, easy sharing platters, but it takes 10 minutes to put together. So you just warm up some jarred butter beans, ideally jarred because they're so tasty, with a bit of lemon zest, bit of coriander seeds, warm them through with some nice cherry tomatoes. And while that's warming in a pan for like, five, six minutes, you just blitz up the spring onions, pistachios, like, bit of oil, bit of lemon, a few more coriander seeds and blob it on top and it looks so pretty and it tastes like you spent ages cooking and you're like, it literally took me 10 minutes.

[James Acaster]

I should do it.

[Rukmini]

It's really good.

[James Acaster]

For two years, I've had a bag of pistachios in the cupboard.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, well, maybe get some new pistachios.

[James Acaster]

My dad gave it to us as a housewarming present.

[Rukmini]

That's a really good housewarming present.

[Ed Gamble]

It's odd, though, isn't it?

[Rukmini]

It's odd, but nice. It's odd, but nice.

[James Acaster]

He just came to visit on his. It's what happens when he visits without Mum.

[Rukmini]

I brought you some pistachios.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. When he comes on his own. She was away. I can't remember why. We just moved into the house. Yeah. He comes over. Lovely man. Very. He knew. He knew I should bring them something as a housewarming.

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Must bring bag of pistachios.

[Rukmini]

He went, wait, are they still in their shells?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

Oh, no, that's a hassle.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I was like, that's a hassle. And, yeah, my partner's allergic to nuts, but thanks.

[Rukmini]

Is he telling you something?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I don't know. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and you should move in here.

[Rukmini]

Back to the pack.

[Ed Gamble]

A couple of boys are bags of nuts.

[James Acaster]

Crack open these. Yeah, but they do remind me of my dad. Anyway, pistachios. Because he used to eat them in front of the football or whatever.

[Rukmini]

Or the cricket leaving a trail of shells.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Barefoot. I remember that as well. He'd be barefoot while he was eating them.

[Ed Gamble]

Was he using his feet to crack the nuts open? Yeah, you'd have a big monkey.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, he's a big monkey. Pops or bread. Pops or bread.

[Rukmini]

It's definitely bread. I hate popdoms. They're grim.

[James Acaster]

I hate them.

[Ed Gamble]

Rare to get hatred for one of them.

[James Acaster]

No, I've never said someone hates.

[Rukmini]

I really hate them. They're so nothing. It's like biting into just. It doesn't taste of anything. It was your. You wanted a flavored breadstick. I don't want a flavored. I just don't want a poppadom. They're just. I just know very, very shots fired. They can go in the bin.

[Ed Gamble]

So what are you. What are you doing then? Because obviously you're saying you love. You love a breadstick at the beginning of the meal. It's nice to, you know, get going with if it's there. But when the poppadoms are there and there's no other food knocking around, are you. Are you dipping into the pop?

[Rukmini]

I'm gonna say I'm gonna avoid the curry house as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Are you just completely.

[Rukmini]

I'm good, yes. If the poppadom's there, it's like, God, I know I'm in here now. And now I'm gonna have to eat a restaurant curry. And you probably get this with any, like, Indian heritage chef who comes on. But, you know, restaurant curry is just like, not what you eat at home. It's always, like, one sauce. It's very gloopy. Like, my entire life, when friends, oh, I should go and get a curry. And it's like, absolutely fucking not.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

Or if we have to, then I just, you know, sadly disappointed the entire meal. Yeah. And I don't drink beer either. And I think that goes well with a curry. I can see that they go together.

[Ed Gamble]

It's the whole ritual of it. Yeah.

[Rukmini]

Yeah. So, yeah, Poppy Dom's, like, they will herald, like, a poor evening's dining for me. So that's probably why. Whereas bread, on the other hand, is great. And then you get to have all the butter. And again, I kind of keep on thinking about European holidays, probably because I'm so desperate to get out of the house and maybe the country on holiday. But you go on holiday with your mates when you're a teenager and you sit down and they bring bread and then everyone's like, oh, there's a really nice extra virgin olive oil. I'm just like, no butter. British or butter. Yeah. I don't want my bread to kind of taste of, you know, like kind of olive oil. Grassy notes, you know, I want my bread to taste like grass. I just want it to taste like butter, please. Ideally salted.

[LinkedIn Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm all. I'm always butter over olive oil. But if. If there is nice olive oil, I still think, you know, is it the. And the really green olive oil as well. Against.

[Rukmini]

I'm not against. I don't have a specific. Yeah, I know. Just grass onto all the other things. I don't. Not grass. I like a cat. I don't. I don't think I'd want to add it on. I get. I get putting in a salad dressing, but my palate is not sophisticated enough, let's put it.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think that's. I don't think that's the reason at all.

[James Acaster]

Being very modest.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

I like being sort of like smacked around the face with that flavor, but not kind of. It's not grass.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any particular type of bread you'd like with the salted butter?

[Rukmini]

Yes, I'd like two different kinds of bread, please. So one of them, like something like a really nice pain de p. Like a kind of really crusty French, you know, that baguette, Like French baguette, but it's like it done like an ear of wheat. So it's super, like, fluffy on the inside, like really nice and crisp on the outside. And I think I made it maybe at cookery school and I was just like, this is great. I haven't made it since. But you can. You can kind of get it out, especially in a bread basket in a magic restaurant.

[Ed Gamble]

That's the thing with bread, isn't it?

[Rukmini]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Is you can make it, but you can get. You can get it.

[Rukmini]

Yeah. I'm not. I'm not a bread maker, so I would always rather someone else.

[Ed Gamble]

You can get it from a shop.

[Rukmini]

Yeah. Revolutionary. Yeah. So, no, not sourdough, more that fluffy bread. And then moving around the world, you know, Singapore chilli crab, when you order it, you get these little fluffy cube buns with it and they're like really soft on the inside, like a bit like a brioche. And they maybe have Been deep fried, but they're not crisp on the outside. They're still really soft and a little bit sweet.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, no, Singapore chili crab is like really saucy, right?

[Podcast Advertiser]

It's.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, it's like red sauce and bits of crab and you, you know, they put a bib on you and a bib on the table because it's so. It's just so extra and messy and you get these little buns to mop up the sauce. But I could leave the crab for you guys and I could just have a bucket of that. Of that, you know, have the crab.

[James Acaster]

We just got some crab.

[Rukmini]

I'll take the crab. I brought crab to a restaurant.

[James Acaster]

I told you this podcast would come in handy one day. Yeah, we just got free crab and bibs and some bibs and bibs.

[Rukmini]

Well, crab's just a bit. It's a bit of effort, you know, when you have to. With the, with the cracking and the claws, I'd rather just sit maybe and eat the bread and that. The crab can just.

[Ed Gamble]

Again, I don't mind the effort. I think it goes back to the washing up thing.

[Rukmini]

You really are the max effort.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but like with me, me and my wife love, like shellfish where you're like cracking into all of the stuff. Like it was her birthday yesterday, so all she wanted to do was go and eat a pint of prawns and.

[Rukmini]

Pull them out of there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rukmini]

Their eyes and stuff as well.

[Ed Gamble]

No, see, I'm sucking the heads. Yeah, but no, she's. But she's. I've seen her with lobster before where she's just extracting. It's almost like surgery. Like she's. Yeah, every bit of meat is coming out of that. She's digging into the claws. She just loves that effort that goes into.

[Rukmini]

Does she like doing like a bit of butchery as well?

[Ed Gamble]

No, she's never done that.

[Rukmini]

But it's kind of interesting if you're into that. I see this as like someone with a vegetarian book. Largely a pescatarian chef, but at cookery school, I really enjoyed that precision. When you're like, here is a rabbit. Would you like to like very carefully dissect? And I was like, oh, this is kind of interesting. Like, I couldn't do it for a job. Like, I'd be dreadful as a medic or a vet. But I was like, this is. I can see like the technical precision here.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I guess it is the opposite of being a butcher is the opposite of being a vet. Right?

[Rukmini]

Well, you gotta think so. And it's like a Sweeney Todd style operation.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. One's upstairs, one's downstairs, and they send the rabbits down the chute.

[Ed Gamble]

I will only eat meat that thinks it was having a haircut.

[Rukmini]

Very, very niche.

[James Acaster]

There's very few animals who have. I guess you've mainly been eating poodles and like animals who are used to having a haircut. Yeah. A sheep. A sheep. A sheep. That's easy. Yeah, absolutely easy.

[Rukmini]

Also a long tradition of eating sheep, so.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. So that's fine.

[Ed Gamble]

That's fine.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Rukmini]

I'm selling my veggie book really well, aren't I?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. No, this is going good, I think.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

What I mean, but we're teeing up the man washing up book. And you could also have some pictures of Ed eating shellfish without a bib on.

[Rukmini]

Selfish.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, you're really thirsty with sheep, huh? You're very thirsty.

[James Acaster]

Touch me early in the morning.

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[James Acaster]

Your dream starter.

[Rukmini]

Well, because my whole thing, like as a person who writes recipes for people which are easy, I like restaurant food to be something I wouldn't make at home or wouldn't expect to make to make for me. So I would like all of my starter to be a deep fried platter, please.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Rukmini]

Because that's. It's a hassle to do at home and deep fried food is delicious. And I want a sort of round the world platter of pakoras hornside, like really nice ones like cauliflower aubergine potato for double carbs, not onion bhees because they're grim.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Rukmini]

You know, they're all flowery and, like, they can go with the popdom in a bit.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

This. This is going back to your sort of dislike of going to a curry house, right?

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Anglicized.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, I know, I know. But pakoras my mum makes every year for my birthday. So, like, I know they're great and I'll still have them, like, as many times as possible. Then zucchini fries. I don't know why people call them zucchini instead of courgette. Is that what you call them?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, courgette fries. I think I've seen those on menus.

[Ed Gamble]

Not really zucchini is in America, but it just sounds fancier, I think, because courgette fries versus zucchini friti.

[Rukmini]

Yes, Zucchini fritti. That's what I want.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm over here.

[James Acaster]

People don't like courgette here, really, do they? Most people don't like courgette. And then if you cover it up.

[Rukmini]

By saying it's a zucchini.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Zucchini friti.

[Rukmini]

Yes. Delicious. But really, like the shoestring ones.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

Not the. Like, sometimes you order them and they've given you, like fat chips which are courgette. I don't want a fat courgette. No, no, just like a really skinny one. And then if I'm in the mood, like, I am quite actually quite hungry. So I am in the mood. Some nice tempura prawns. So I've got like around the world fried platter. And then you could compare, like the different crunch levels with the different batters. I think that would be really interesting.

[James Acaster]

You like to compare crunch levels.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, you could be like, oh, look, we've got like this gram flour batter on the pakoras and that's like, got a certain kind of crisp. And they got the tempura batter with your sparkling. Probably San Pel. You know, be. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And would you.

[Ed Gamble]

Getting San Pellegrino in every single corner of this meal?

[Rukmini]

Hashtag not sponsored. Would like to be sponsored.

[James Acaster]

And would you score them? Score the crunch levels?

[Rukmini]

You could. You could just shove them in your face.

[James Acaster]

You could stuff them on your face.

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

With the zucchini.

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Often not a crunch on those.

[Rukmini]

I think you'd have to have them like straight out the fire because, you know, you're right. Steam. Well, a bit like cauliflower, like steam inside a pakora. So I think you need to kind of just maybe you could fry them at table. Like a crepe suzette.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Be my pleasure.

[Rukmini]

Because it's really safe to do deep frying.

[James Acaster]

There should be more deep frying at the table.

[Rukmini]

That'd be fun.

[Ed Gamble]

That's an event, isn't it? If you went to a restaurant. Restaurant and they were like, here's your.

[Rukmini]

Thing in the middle. You're lazy Susan with a deep fat fryer.

[James Acaster]

And everyone has to wear goggles as well.

[Rukmini]

Rubber, like gloves and things.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, everything. Yeah, yeah, that'd go.

[Rukmini]

Well, I'd do it.

[James Acaster]

Rise up from the. Beneath the table. So it goes down. Yeah, it goes back down again after the course is finished.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then it can come back up later on. It might be full of ice cream.

[Rukmini]

Or fried ice cream.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. That's a thing, right?

[Rukmini]

Fried ice cream.

[James Acaster]

I think people can do that.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, you can.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Me and James watch a lot of shows normally on Netflix about sort of American fairground food.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And fried ice cream is a thing.

[James Acaster]

Deep fried masters.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

Interesting.

[James Acaster]

Deep fried masters you might like because you're starter.

[Rukmini]

Yes, it's.

[James Acaster]

But they don't really do. When you said a deep fried platter, because we watched deep fried Masters so much, I thought, wow, that's a trashy starter. And then you explain what it was. And I was like, oh, yeah, you don't get those on deep fried Masters.

[Rukmini]

Actually, I didn't feel like it's a slightly trashy starter.

[James Acaster]

No, I don't think so. Well, I immediately thought of. When I used to work in kitchens, we did the combo for two as the starter, which was all deep fried. And that was like, you know, mushrooms.

[Rukmini]

Breaded mushrooms.

[James Acaster]

Deep fried bread and mushrooms.

[Rukmini]

I do really.

[James Acaster]

I guess the rest of them. This is quite exciting, actually. You got one already. What other ones do you think are on there? The combo for two.

[Rukmini]

Combo mushrooms, chicken tenders.

[James Acaster]

No, should have been.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, that wasn't on there.

[James Acaster]

Didn't even have chicken tenders on there.

[Ed Gamble]

No onion rings.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Rukmini]

What about an onion flour?

[James Acaster]

Huh?

[Rukmini]

They're the blooming.

[James Acaster]

Oh, no, no, this is not. This is like a. A chain place that has like a ball pool for kids and stuff. They're not doing onion flowers.

[Rukmini]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

No, One of the balls got in there as well. So deep fried.

[James Acaster]

Deep fried plastic ball. Deep fried plastic ball. Looks like an onion flower.

[Ed Gamble]

I do want to. Can we talk about the onion flower briefly? Because I'm absolutely obsessed with.

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Blooming onions.

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

And you don't see them here.

[James Acaster]

You can swear it on this podcast I Googled.

[Ed Gamble]

That is good stuff.

[James Acaster]

I'll give you a little bit of.

[Ed Gamble]

That as well, the other day, Genuinely the other. I googled blooming onion uk because you don't find them.

[Rukmini]

Maybe that's part of your calendar as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Me making a blooming onion.

[Rukmini]

You could pose with that as variation.

[James Acaster]

You're a last of the summer wine character. Bloomin onions.

[Ed Gamble]

Bloomin onions aren't growing this year. Are you having any dips or anything with these deep fried things?

[Rukmini]

Surprised me with the dips. I mean, I quite like a really good homemade coriander chutney. That'll probably be good with the pakoras. Well, it's a bit like.

[James Acaster]

If you like that, then I don't think you should let us surprise you with the dips.

[Ed Gamble]

That's not what I was gonna say.

[Rukmini]

There could be. I don't know. I don't think tempura prawns really needed it. Definitely not sweet chilli. Just.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, sweet chili. We've said that on this podcast before. We got a lot of grief for it. It's nice to have a professional chef back us on this. Sweet chili's bullshit.

[Rukmini]

Yeah. You might as well dip it in jam.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

Why not just dip your strawberry jam.

[Ed Gamble]

Which you would do, James.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, but that's.

[Rukmini]

That's prawns in strawberry jam.

[James Acaster]

I'd love to dip stuff in strawberry jam, but, like, sweet. Sweet chili is the opposite. It's not good.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, it's ripple. So. Yeah, not that. And then I don't think zucchini fritti need anything other than to be eaten immediately.

[Ed Gamble]

They often come with, like, a mayoey type dip.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, maybe. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. It doesn't mean.

[Rukmini]

Save it for the breadsticks.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. That sounds like a delicious starter.

[Ed Gamble]

Really good.

[James Acaster]

Are you sharing this with people or is it just you?

[Rukmini]

Oh, I could. You can. You can share too.

[James Acaster]

I have to.

[Rukmini]

As long as I've got enough.

[James Acaster]

Of course.

[Rukmini]

Yeah. And I think maybe as a magic restaurant, I wouldn't be too full. I could maybe polish off the whole platter and I'd still have room. Or extra stomachs. Like a cow.

[James Acaster]

Dream main course.

[Rukmini]

Dream main course. I. So it's going to sound a bit basic salmon with hollandaise and asparagus, which is like. Yeah, whatever. Any chef can knock out. Hollandaise. Yeah. Boring. Boring. Asparagus. Seasonal. Boring. I mean, not boring tasty. But what I would like, because it's a magic restaurant, is for this to taste like the first time I had it when I was a teenager. And this isn't one of those. Oh. I didn't grow up having, like. Because My mom, like, she knocks out a good bechamel. Like, she knocks out, like, decent homemade mayo. And we probably did have asparagus at some point, but we went on holiday, and there was this salmon pasta thing on the menu, and I just remember taking one forkful and just going, what is this? Like, I'd never had hollandaise before, and I was just like, this is what? And it was just like, this sort of, like, you know, amazing moment. Like, I asked, like, called the waiter.

[James Acaster]

What'S in this sauce?

[Rukmini]

This sauce is amazing. And I actually asked the chef for the recipe.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, amazing.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Rukmini]

Yeah. Here's your salmon, asparagus, homemade pasta. And, like, they typed out and, like, sent me home with it, which is really nice. It was so sweet. And I've, you know, I've had hollandaise since, like, I think even at university, I was like, my first dinner party. I shall recreate this from this chef menu, and it's never been quite the same because you didn't have that moment of, like, I've never had anything delicious before, so I would love that moment again.

[James Acaster]

I think hollandaise is a great example of that.

[Rukmini]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Like, definitely the first time you have hollandaise is the best time you'll ever have it. And then you definitely go through a phase of every time you see on a menu, you order it every time, and then you. You make yourself sick of it, and then you don't really like it anymore.

[Rukmini]

Yeah. And then if you make it yourself, you're just like, I've used an entire pack of le packages, so.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

When you see what goes into it.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, yeah. You don't want to see what goes into it.

[James Acaster]

Is it just loads of butter?

[Rukmini]

Yeah. So, you know, you put your egg yolk. Nigel's got a cheap version, but you basically, like, warm your egg yolks in a bain Marie and add, like, cube after with a little bit of vinegar, like, cube after cube of butter, and whisk continuously until it emulsifies. And if you mess it up, you can actually start it again with a fresh egg yolk and then, like, drip your messed up mixture on top of the fresh egg. And it can take a lot of eggs, apparently, which is weird. Like, you can almost do it infinitely with, like, the number of egg yolks that that same mess can contain. But if you add, you need to keep it cold, so you can chuck in, like, a cube of ice if you need to. But it will be beautiful and delicious, but you just don't want to see.

[Ed Gamble]

It Happen because so much butter.

[Rukmini]

So much butter. And there's no point doing a light version with less butter. Just don't.

[Ed Gamble]

It's one of the only things. And I love the idea of it, but you know when you're like at brunch or something and there's like eggs.

[Rukmini]

Benedict and all of that eggs roll.

[Ed Gamble]

I love the idea of it, but every time I have it makes me feel ill.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

I think it's eggs with that. Eggs with eggs.

[Rukmini]

Eggs on eggs with butter.

[Ed Gamble]

And it just always makes me feel sick.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's stupid.

[Rukmini]

It's a lot for breakfast.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

I think that's why it's nice with asparagus, because that's quite a light dippy, dippy bit to have.

[James Acaster]

Love asparagus. Asparagus and salmon with some hollandaise. Sounds delicious.

[Rukmini]

Oh, thank you.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So you say you want to it to taste like the first time you had it.

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

There's a couple of ways we can do that.

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

We can either just create that taste.

[Rukmini]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Or we can erase the memory of the first time you had it so you think you're having it for the first time again.

[James Acaster]

And then in black.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll take that. Or those movies where someone's got memento, maybe.

[James Acaster]

Memento. Yeah, yeah. For that we have to kill your wife. Oh, yeah.

[Rukmini]

Oh, no, no, don't. Don't do that. I'm really fond of her.

[Ed Gamble]

Hang on. So you want to. You want the memory erased, but you want the tattoo to remind you that you have had it before.

[Rukmini]

How many times? I've had my salmon and asparagus.

[Ed Gamble]

You've got a salmon, you've got hollandaise. Tally chart going all the way down your lineup.

[James Acaster]

Just put an egg yolk in a bamboo, add a cube of butter.

[Ed Gamble]

It could take a lot of eggs.

[James Acaster]

You could always. If you mess it up, you can reuse it and put it in.

[Rukmini]

But I wouldn't have full sentences. I'd just have eggs on the inside of my elbow.

[James Acaster]

Eggs. What about.

[Rukmini]

What about egg yolks?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Nigella.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Rukmini]

Must find Nigella and ask her of.

[James Acaster]

A Polaroid of Nigella with her name written on it. If we were to do the Men in Black pen at you in the red light.

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

What other things would you like us to erase from your memory?

[Rukmini]

Oh, wow, that's great.

[James Acaster]

We can chuck other things in there.

[Rukmini]

Chucking other things in there.

[Ed Gamble]

It could be meals, like meals you've had that you want to raise from your mother.

[Rukmini]

Oh, I could raise papadoms but then I might accidentally have them again.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You don't want to do that.

[Rukmini]

You need that experience in your life. What about her? That I've tasted many things I really have disliked. Like, I generally like most food. I'm not like my daughter who will take a home cooked meal and then like, spit it out, being like, great, thanks.

[James Acaster]

I mean, we could erase Aperol spritz that. You can do that again with your friend.

[Rukmini]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe actually Marlborough sauvignon blanc. You could erase that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

Then I might enjoy it again rather than be like, had too much. That would be a nice one. But otherwise, no. Food memories are pretty good. I always quite liked stuff I've eaten. I think I just wouldn't eat it if I didn't want to. You know, if like, awful people. Do you want to try some tripe? I was like, I do not want to try tripe.

[James Acaster]

I'm not interested.

[Ed Gamble]

Really love it.

[Rukmini]

You really are the high effort guy.

[Ed Gamble]

Tripe's delicious.

[Rukmini]

Oh, man.

[Ed Gamble]

I love the texture. I love that. Other people think it's disgusting. So I can be the tripe guy who loves it.

[Rukmini]

There's a kudos there.

[Ed Gamble]

I like that slight taste of farmyard.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, that's what truffle's for. Truffle will do that for me.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but everyone likes truffle, so how am I going to seem like a big tough guy?

[Rukmini]

Yeah, that's true. That's true. Even pigs like truffle man.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, exactly.

[James Acaster]

You can tell them why you don't like tripe. Don't just take that from him. His little monologue.

[Rukmini]

I just think the concept. Concept of trip. Yeah. Off. Just awful. Generally I'm not. Although I was quite experimental when I was. When I got into kind of food and I was, you know, so I didn't used to always do food. I used to be a lawyer and I was like. Hated my life. And I was like, let's be experimental. Let's try and cook some lamb, sweet bread, you know? So I did. I did try and I was just like, you know, it's just not as nice as the effort it was to make this nice.

[James Acaster]

We had someone else on the podcast who's become a chef after, but Nisha.

[Rukmini]

Lawyers.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Embarrassed.

[James Acaster]

Sorry. Yeah, right. I knew it was someone, but I would never would have guessed it was her. She's mad.

[Rukmini]

I think I'm definitely seeing a meme about pastry chefs being like, half of them are ex lawyers who just decided to be pastry chefs.

[James Acaster]

Interesting.

[Rukmini]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Why do you think that is because.

[Rukmini]

They hate their lives so much they.

[James Acaster]

Have to go into pastry?

[Rukmini]

Yeah, yeah, pretty much. There's a soothing piles of whipped cream. It's just, you know.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Rukmini]

Very nice for the brain.

[James Acaster]

What was the biggest case you did as a lawyer?

[Rukmini]

Oh, God, I was only a baby lawyer. I finished like a training contract and then like literally instead of qualifying, I went to cookery school.

[James Acaster]

Oh, okay.

[Rukmini]

Like straight off the bat, I was.

[James Acaster]

Hoping you'd be like on a huge one, like OJ or something.

[Rukmini]

No, no, nothing. Nothing that exciting, I'm afraid.

[Ed Gamble]

When you said baby lawyer, it gave me a great idea for a new cartoon.

[Rukmini]

Baby Lawyer.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Similar to Boss Baby.

[Rukmini]

Yes, basically that. But the spin off version.

[Ed Gamble]

Boss Baby's Law.

[James Acaster]

That's good. Yeah. It's not a very courtroom drama cartoon of a baby.

[Rukmini]

Most toddlers are like expert negotiators. That's true. If we're trying to bribe her to do something which my husband doesn't like me doing. It's like if you get in the buggy, you can have a chocolate button. She's like two chocolate buttons.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, so maybe like Judge Judy, but Judge Baby.

[James Acaster]

Judge Baby.

[Rukmini]

Judge Baby, Judge Baby.

[Ed Gamble]

But like kids. The cases are all kids.

[James Acaster]

Gotta be kids.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, they stole my sweets or whatever. And then the judge is a baby too.

[Rukmini]

But you know, the sentencing could be pretty harsh as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. It death. Every time you are sentenced to death.

[James Acaster]

Every time it's one of them has to die.

[Rukmini]

It could be worse. They could make you go to a soft play center.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, that'd be pretty. With a deep fried ball.

[Ed Gamble]

By the way, the gavel is a squeaky hammer as well.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yes. Gotta be a squeaky gavel. Yes. Every time it makes a little squeaky noise. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It softens it, isn't it? If they're sentenced to death. Your dream side dish.

[Rukmini]

Can I have two? Yeah. Oh, thank you very much. That's very good. So Dauphinoise, because I like to double carb. Because dauphinoise is really great, actually. I used to make that if I'd had like a day in the office, which I hated because I did hate my office and life there. I'd come home, buy a load of potatoes and cream on the way home, and make myself a double carb dinner of a tray of roast potatoes and a tray of dauphinoise.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you love double carbs. You shouted it out a few times.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, it's a very Indian thing, actually. Double carbs. You know, having like a potato curry and rice or having a Like potato pakoras, even bread pakoras. My mom has been known to talk about, don't see anything wrong in double cupping. But now with my sophisticated palette, I would quite like some greens on the side as well. I've gone full circle from, like, never having anything green. I think at university, friends would sort of put, you know, put broccoli in a pigment. You don't have to eat your broccoli if you don't want to. 22 years old, but now I love it. I can't get enough, like, tender stem. Love it. Kale. Kale's a funny one. So I've got like a. I've got a weekly Guardian feast column. And whenever I do a recipe with kale, which is quite often because I love it, like, I tend not to look at the comment section, but if I do, about half of it's like, kale again. Hate kale. Can't stand it. It's like, guys, grow up.

[Ed Gamble]

It had a moment, like, five years ago, kale was everywhere. Right. And everyone's getting annoyed with kale.

[Rukmini]

Maybe they need the memory erase again.

[Ed Gamble]

I think people overdid it or they don't do it properly. And it's like almost like you thick stems in it as well.

[Rukmini]

People don't trim the stems.

[Ed Gamble]

People don't trim it properly. And then it became connected, I think, with health stuff, vloggers and things like that.

[Rukmini]

So it became like, you don't want it in a smoothie. That would be.

[Ed Gamble]

No. And that's what people were doing. So I think they connected kale with Californian health insurances. And obviously people hate those people. So.

[Rukmini]

Yes, it's true.

[Ed Gamble]

I got really into kale. Big time.

[Rukmini]

Delicious.

[Ed Gamble]

But, like, covering it in oil, putting it in the oven, and basically making kale crisps.

[Rukmini]

Okay, that sounds a little bit healthy.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I mean, crisp is a crisp.

[Rukmini]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But you put loads of seasoning on it and stuff. Delicious with crisps. I'd eat them with crisps.

[Rukmini]

I was going to say double cream.

[Ed Gamble]

Nice.

[Rukmini]

So, you know, like, if you soften it with the garlic and chili and a bit of lemon zest with your olive oil and then. Or butter, actually, and then just like a little bit of cream through it before you serve.

[Ed Gamble]

That does sound good.

[Rukmini]

Really, really nice.

[James Acaster]

Both of those sound nice. I like both of those.

[Rukmini]

My daughter's got the creamiest. And I can pretend it's like a vegetable that she's eating, not just a piece of char.

[James Acaster]

Guardian comment section is absolute fucking bin fire. Absolute bunch of idiots. All of Them?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, comment section in general.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

I don't know, I just, I never comment on anything. Like, if I'm online and I read an article about something, it's very rare that I would write a comment. I mean, no, I think I've ever written a comment.

[Ed Gamble]

You might comment, but you'll do it like a normal person in your own head. A bitch.

[Rukmini]

My husband.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. Or talk to somebody next to you.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Just writing the thing.

[Rukmini]

Just doing. I don't know, I suppose it's always nice when people are like, oh, no, I really like this. Like, you want enough people to, who like things to comment. It's just your negative.

[James Acaster]

Nancy's crazy if they complain like, well, kale again. And it's like, no one's making you cook this every week.

[Rukmini]

Don't make it.

[James Acaster]

You absolute. Like you're on the Internet. There's infinite recipes on the Internet. So why don't you just find something else that isn't kale? Why are you. You have to. Oh, I have to eat whatever's in the Guardian column every single week.

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

All those right wing people who hate the Guardian should just look in the comments and then they'll go, oh, it's okay. People who read the Guardian are just like me.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, they hate the Guardian too.

[Ed Gamble]

So you've got the dauphinoise and then how.

[Rukmini]

What Dauphinoise? The kale and then maybe just some like nice buttered cabbage. Like, you know, it's like not overcooked, just like your bog standard cabbage, but like it's still got a little bit of bite butter and maybe some like crushed Sichuan peppercorns.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, nice.

[Rukmini]

Makes it really nice. But not too many, you know, Sichuan peppercorns. It's the kind of thing where like, oh, I love them. So is more more more is not more?

[Ed Gamble]

No, it's like two. You can put two peppercorns in there and that'll do it.

[Rukmini]

There's too many. Your mouth just sort of goes numb for like several hours.

[James Acaster]

Goes bon.

[Rukmini]

So just a tiny bit.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you want the creamy kale?

[Rukmini]

Oh, oh, no, you're right. Maybe we'll cut the cream since we've got the dauphinoise. Let's be sensible.

[Ed Gamble]

You can, you know, and they're next to each other. You can always introduce a bit of the dauphinoise cream to the kale.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ed Gamble]

You can cook it on the table.

[Rukmini]

On the table?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Nobody's gonna stop there.

[Rukmini]

Mix it all together, be delicious. Thank you.

[James Acaster]

It does sound good. And I think that goes with the salmon as well.

[Rukmini]

Yeah. It doesn't. I suppose the dauphinoir is maybe a bit heavy to go with my handmade pasta and all the rest of it with the salmon, but. But you know, I've got infinite stomachs apparently.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

Your restaurant.

[James Acaster]

Congratulations.

[Rukmini]

Thank you.

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[James Acaster]

Your dream drink.

[Rukmini]

It's a nice glass of white wine probably. Maybe sparkling maybe.

[James Acaster]

I love how you pretended like you hadn't really thought about that and you landed on it. Just in case your sister's listening to this episode.

[Ed Gamble]

More sparkling water, I suppose.

[Rukmini]

Actually, sparkling water and red wine are a really nice combo. I had that a lot. Can I flex about my job? Before I was like, yeah. So I went into food. Like I was. Did, did the law. And then I was a food stylist or like a home EC for like quite a lot of years. And that's how I got into kind of cooking and had the idea for these Timber.

[James Acaster]

What's the food stylist?

[Rukmini]

Food stylist. So you know whenever you see food on a billboard, in a cookbook, on telly or someone has cooked it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

And it's usually not Nigella or Jamie or anyone. Like you've got someone in who's cooked all the food, thinks about how it's going to look on the plate, like maybe got a pair of tweezers if necessary to like make it nice. But actually it's generally just, you've just made a really nice plate of food, put it in front of the camera and it's been shot really quickly. So it's really different from like back in the eight. You know, if you think about like the Panasonic microwave cookery book from 1975, it's got this bronzed chicken that looks like it's been sitting for three days under a load of varnish. Like Ron Seal it had because you've got all the lights and it's really hot under the cameras and it's got to sit there. But nowadays everything's digital, so you just shoot it. And like David Loftus, who does all the photos for my books, like, everything looks so beautiful and fresh. Like you could put your Hand in and pick it up. Because you could. When he took the photo and the fresher, it looks like it's. Because it was. There's not a lot of magic unless you're in commercials, which is different. But I got a really random job. The designer on my books, Penny, like, she's amazing. She sent me a message. Millie, I've got offer for a job. It's in Morocco doing films. Do you want to come? And I was like, well, that sounds quite exciting. Like, doing so not. Not the food, like, not catering, but, like, the food they would eat in a dinner party scene in the film. And I was like, oh, mate. Like, do you know what? There's only one actor who would take me out to Morocco if there's like, if Rafe finds it, I'll do it. And he's like, he actually is. I was like, you're fucking joking. Matt Smith's in it. Jessica Chastain was in it. And I found myself, like, in Morocco, like, in the desert, like, handing over a plate of food to, like, Matt Smith handing over a plate food to Rave Ryan. And it's nuts because. Because it's film, you have to have as much food as you think. You know, the director is not going to tell you how many takes. He doesn't know how many takes he's going to do. And you have to magically, you want your genie lamp. Really have as much as they're going to need for every single take.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

Otherwise you're just. And I think I handed over the food on my first time. I was like. My hands were actually shaking just being like, don't mess it up, don't mess it up. And then Rafe finds it straight in the eye, Lord Voldemort. And he's like, you did really well there.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you so much.

[Rukmini]

Which helps because Jessica Chastain wouldn't eat any of my food. She was just like, is this vegan? And I was like, oh, yes. You know, and she didn't trust me. She got them to bring her some, like, steamed broccoli from her trailer. But Matt Smith really liked the food. He was like, why aren't we getting food like this in our hotel?

[Ed Gamble]

And I was like, yes, he's asking for another take.

[Rukmini]

No.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, sorry, guys.

[Rukmini]

I messed my lines up. So in our downtime, my red wine and sparkling water thing was we had a lot of free time when you're not on set. And Penny and I would just, like, sit in this amazing Riad courtyard. Bottle of red, a bottle of sparkling water. I'd just be like, is this real?

[Ed Gamble]

So do you want this? This is your dream drink, then, the red wine and sparkling water.

[Rukmini]

I think it will remind me of that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, maybe.

[Rukmini]

Maybe I'll take that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

You'd have it together, being there with the courtyard sunshine.

[James Acaster]

Do you want Fiennes and Smith to join you? Not Chastain. You want to eat the food?

[Rukmini]

I'm not sure. I think I'd probably be too nervous to talk to them. Just, you know, like that thing. I think I read it. In romantic comedy, Curtis Sittenfield's newish book, she writes that, like, with famous people, people don't actually want to talk to them. They want to tell their friends that they've talked to them. So if you have an encounter with a famous person, you're quite likely to be like, oh, wow, selfie. And then run away. Because then you can tell your mates. Because if you had to actually have a conversation, you'd probably say something really stupid.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

So they can't. They can't come. I just get to, like, sort of like, maybe spy on them for another table. Look, there's celebs at that table.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. So, yeah. Finds nearby.

[Rukmini]

Nearby. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. What's your favorite film with him in?

[Rukmini]

Oh, well, the menu was really good. It was really scary. But I'm gonna go classic old school. English Patient.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Rukmini]

Oh, I changed my. I changed my mind. Grand Budapest Hotel. Because it's really funny.

[James Acaster]

Great, great film.

[Rukmini]

It's much more funny. English Patient doesn't have a lot of laughs in it.

[James Acaster]

No. To be fair, it's not very funny.

[Rukmini]

Not very funny. It's quite intense.

[James Acaster]

What about this? Would it be better if the main character was a baby? Just like the baby lawyer, but like the English baby?

[Rukmini]

The English baby crashing a plane in the desert.

[James Acaster]

Yes. Yeah, Maybe not Would crash it, to be fair. Believable.

[Rukmini]

Maybe he'd be a better pilot.

[James Acaster]

That baby. Be a bad pilot. What about crashing the desert?

[Ed Gamble]

And how about this? The Grandbaby. Best hotel.

[Rukmini]

I see a franchise opportunity.

[James Acaster]

This is brilliant.

[Rukmini]

Where you just replace films about actors with babies.

[James Acaster]

I think that worked. Or just fines every time.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

As a baby for no reason. Ralph Fiennes gets replaced by a baby every single time.

[Rukmini]

Yeah. Lord Voldemort baby.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Voldemaby. I mean, that would be. You know that. Then that would be like when people say, if you go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby, would you do it? It was Voldemort. So that is the answer to that question. You find Harry Potter in that situation going, well, you try to kill me as a baby. Actually, that's true.

[Rukmini]

But then there's no more books. That's it. It's finished.

[James Acaster]

Voldemort tried to kill the Harry Potter.

[Rukmini]

Baby comes around.

[Ed Gamble]

Why don't you go back and kill Lord Voldemort?

[Rukmini]

Wait, no. But that's the cursed child, isn't it? But it all messes up. I don't know.

[Ed Gamble]

I've not seen it.

[Rukmini]

Oh, I've got another red wine combo for you. So when I went to see the cursed child with my mate, she brought his birthday present for me. We had Haribo. Fantastic. And, you know, rubbish theater. Red wine. And they go together so well.

[Ed Gamble]

That's cool.

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

There's a. There's someone on Instagram who does. Oh, no, I've got mixed up. It's not wine, it's cheese. Combinations with weird things.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Rukmini]

Because I would say cheese and wine isn't weird.

[Ed Gamble]

I think they did like Haribo and cheese.

[James Acaster]

And can you remember what it was?

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

Ed, this is the worst thing you've ever bought.

[Rukmini]

No, because, you know, if you think about, like, Membrio with a Mantego.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rukmini]

I'm thinking you've got your cheese.

[James Acaster]

That sounds great. Because the Ed is thought of something that was a wrong. It wasn't even related to what you were saying. And then he forgot what it was as well. He was like, oh, no, it's not wine, it's cheese. Can you remember what it was?

[Ed Gamble]

No, sorry.

[James Acaster]

Not his finest sour. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I feel like an old man today.

[James Acaster]

He's a little old man, Ed. Opposite of a baby. Yeah. You would be the baby's nemesis.

[Ed Gamble]

We should remake this episode with me as a baby.

[Rukmini]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So we're having the San Pellegrino and the red wine together.

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Do you also want Tangfastics there?

[Rukmini]

Yeah, why not?

[James Acaster]

Yes. We'll have a little side of Tangfastics. I haven't had Tangfastics since I was in a train derailing.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you not?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Rukmini]

That is quite a memory.

[James Acaster]

Train. Train came off the tracks and. Jesus, it's pretty full on. And we're there for, like, five hours. And all that the train staff did was sent one of their employees down all the aisles with a packet of Tank Fastics, asking people if they wanted a Tank Fastic. By the time it got to me and Josh Whittaker back in the carriage, they only had, like, the rubbish ones left. And we were absolutely ghastly.

[Rukmini]

Wow.

[Ed Gamble]

So have you avoided Tangfastics because it's it reminds you of the traumatic.

[James Acaster]

I just think that. What's the point? Yeah, let's get the bad ones.

[Ed Gamble]

So.

[Rukmini]

Yeah. No.

[Ed Gamble]

Should we delete your memory of the train crash?

[Rukmini]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And then you can have tankfastics. Again.

[James Acaster]

Quite a good memory, because it makes me glad to be alive. But maybe remove the tankfastics part because I would like.

[Rukmini]

You can still enjoy them.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And marble cake. I haven't had that since that. Because they said the buffet cabbage is free, but they didn't man it. There's no one there.

[Rukmini]

So we're just free for all with marble cake.

[James Acaster]

So you just. Well, by the time. Again, by the time we got there, it was only marble cake left.

[Rukmini]

Wow.

[James Acaster]

You know, it wasn't. We still ate it. But Benito's looking at me like you've told this story before and we edited out. So move on. Your dream dessert. We arrive at your dream dessert, which is exciting for me.

[Rukmini]

Well, it's a bit basic to always kind of go for the chocolate option. You know, I love chocolate, but, I mean, I do quite like it, and I will generally go for it. And I don't always have room. I'm more of a starter person. So there's often not room for a chocolate dessert.

[Ed Gamble]

The correct way to be.

[James Acaster]

Well, not.

[Rukmini]

Yes, the correct way to be, but since I've got my infinite stomachs, I want some kind of chocolate dessert. Maybe you can help me create it. It's got some kind of, like, chocolate cake and then some kind of chocolate mousse. And then I really love raspberry and passion fruit with chocolate. I think it's the nicest combination. And you don't see it enough on menus in cookbooks. I can remedy that. But I really like it. And I want some kind of maybe like chocolate mousse cake that's a bit like a Sara Lee, but. But nice and raspberry layer, passion fruit layer, Maybe some, like, shaved chocolate on top. Something like that.

[James Acaster]

Well, let's come up with something and then you can put it in your next cookbook.

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

What sort of cake? A light cake? A brownie layer?

[Rukmini]

No, I'm not so like a sponge. A sponge, but more like a restaurant sponge. You know, when it's like a little bit of a. Like a dense sponge. Not like a nice homemade Victoria sponge, like more of a kind of a denser kind of sponge that would stand up to being layered with your, like, moussey layers.

[Ed Gamble]

And do you want super light mousse or like a thick mousse?

[Rukmini]

Medium, medium, medium.

[James Acaster]

Dark chocolate, Milk chocolate.

[Rukmini]

Well, I guess they'd be the raspberry and the passion fruit ones.

[James Acaster]

Or the mousse or the mousse.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like raspberry and passion fruit mousse.

[James Acaster]

And you go in cake mousse. Cake mousse?

[Rukmini]

Yeah, Something like cake mousse. Cake mousse.

[James Acaster]

How many times?

[Rukmini]

Ew. Because this is a dream.

[James Acaster]

My favorite model is Cake Mousse.

[Ed Gamble]

Cake mousse.

[James Acaster]

Cake Moose. Great model. Yeah, she used to go out of Pete Donutsy.

[Rukmini]

Oh, no, that's dreadful. Well, her brother does run a Banh Mi stand in goes around the markets in London.

[Ed Gamble]

Cake Moose's brother.

[Rukmini]

Yeah. Sells banh Mi.

[Ed Gamble]

I didn't know that.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, yeah. He's got like a van with Banh mi in it and sells it, obviously mine.

[Ed Gamble]

Have a look at this.

[James Acaster]

Wow. Good on him.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, yeah. Just quite random. He looks quite a lot like her as well.

[James Acaster]

Does he?

[Rukmini]

If you want Doing a celeb thing. Oh, look, that guy looks a bit like Case Moss. And he's selling me. Let's not talk to Cake Mousse. Cake Moose.

[James Acaster]

Sorry, Cake Mousse is their name.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. How many times? Because this is a dream restaurant. So we could do like 60.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you could do it as many times as you wanted, but I just.

[Rukmini]

Think, like a reasonable amount so you can get a bit of each on your fork. Because I don't have an infinite fork or an infinite mouth, so just like, just the right size for.

[James Acaster]

Could give you infinite fork.

[Ed Gamble]

Infinite fork would be a pain in the ass, man.

[Rukmini]

Infinite fork would be. Yeah, like a tiramisu spoon, but, you know, wrong.

[Ed Gamble]

How are you getting anything on the end of the fork if it's infinitely long?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. That's hard. Well, no, everything would just have to be infinite and then we end up. I don't know if this world even makes sense.

[Rukmini]

No, no, it doesn't.

[James Acaster]

So you what, four or five, I'm guessing five layers.

[Rukmini]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then how thick are the layers?

[Rukmini]

A couple centimeters. No, like, I think the cake's got to be one centimeter, and you've got two for the mousse and then one for the cake, and then two for the moon.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Two for the moose, one for the.

[Rukmini]

Cake, and then maybe the lowest layer could be some kind of chocolate mousse as well. So maybe there's three kinds of mousse, one kind of cake, chocolate shavings on top.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Okay, so it sounds like you have three Layers of the mousse.

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

So da bam.

[Rukmini]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then that means you got three layers of the cake.

[Rukmini]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Because the mousse is on the top. Is it? I guess the top layers.

[Rukmini]

Yeah, Top layers could be some kind of mousse. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then you covering all that in.

[Rukmini]

Chocolate as well, like, really nicely, like, shaved. So it's, like, quite shardy. Again with the crispy. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm going for.

[James Acaster]

Sounds nice. What are we calling it? Cake mousse.

[Rukmini]

Cake mousse. Yeah, cake mousse.

[Ed Gamble]

And just that you don't want. There's. Is there any, like, cream or any sort of, like, drizzle going over it or anything like that?

[Rukmini]

No, no, you don't need it.

[Ed Gamble]

You got all the moisture in the cake mousse.

[Rukmini]

Yes, it's. Yes.

[James Acaster]

So it's the cake mousse dessert, which is your dessert. And if anyone tries to steal it and put it in their cookbook, we can all sue them. We've got. We bring the baby lawyer to.

[Rukmini]

The baby lawyer's coming.

[James Acaster]

It's my cake to the court case. Yeah. Take it while going.

[Ed Gamble]

And it's a baby judge as well.

[James Acaster]

So the baby judge is there. Baby judge.

[Ed Gamble]

Whoever steals the recip is being sentenced to death.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, they're all getting sentenced to death if they steal cake mousse.

[Rukmini]

Well, I will try and recreate it and then we can have a picture as well.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Me and you could do the picture of you making it and then the washing up. Ed is washing up all the stuff you used to make it.

[Rukmini]

This does sound like quite high effort. You've got a lot of bowls for these mooses and there will be a lot of washing up.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

I've already established this guy loves effort.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I love it. I love the washing up.

[James Acaster]

I invade your menu. Back to you now, see how you feel about it.

[Rukmini]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

You want San Pellegrino sparked in water.

[Rukmini]

Yep.

[James Acaster]

You would like pan depy.

[Rukmini]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

A fluffy cube.

[Rukmini]

A fluffy cube.

[Ed Gamble]

Just like an Englishman in a boundary trying to read the renu behind the person working there.

[James Acaster]

Panda P. It's called a blue langerie. You would like a deep fried platter. You got pakora, zucchini fry, zucchini, fritty tempura, prawns, homemade coriander chutney, man. Or salmon with hollandaise and asparagus. Like the first time you ever had it. Side dish, dope noise. Kale and buttered cabbage with crust. Szechuan peppercorns. Not Too many. Drink red wine and sparkling water like you had when you were doing the forgiven and with a side of hammerbow Tang. Fasting.

[Rukmini]

Yes, yes.

[James Acaster]

Dessert. Don't forget those cake mousse.

[Rukmini]

Cake mousse.

[Ed Gamble]

Amazing.

[Rukmini]

Sounds great. Starving.

[James Acaster]

That's good. I mean, it does sound nice. You before, when you came in today, before we went in, you said, oh, I think my menu won't be very coherent. But I think it is.

[Ed Gamble]

I think it's very coherent.

[Rukmini]

Oh, thank you very much.

[Ed Gamble]

We have a lot worse.

[Rukmini]

Ah, yes, I know.

[James Acaster]

We have comedians on.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, exactly. That sounds absolutely delicious.

[James Acaster]

What's Cake Moose's nickname? What? Who was called the Body?

[Rukmini]

That was Giselle. I think.

[James Acaster]

Bonito Google. Who was called the body? I know we're about to wrap it up. But it wasn't Cake Moose.

[Ed Gamble]

It might have been Giselle.

[Rukmini]

Damn it.

[Ed Gamble]

Has that ruined a joke that you were going to do?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant.

[Rukmini]

Thank you.

[James Acaster]

Thank you.

[Ed Gamble]

There we are. Wonderful menu from Rook Mini there.

[James Acaster]

Very nice menu. Lovely stories. I love to learn about food stylists and about the film that she worked on with all the celebs.

[Ed Gamble]

And a lot of silly business as well in that episode. James.

[James Acaster]

No, no, it's all very serious. Oh, yes, Very serious ideas for TV shows.

[Ed Gamble]

Rukmini also did not say beef jerky, so she was allowed to complete her menu. And that has also allowed us to plug her book again. The Green Cookbook is out now and you got a little insight into the sorts of recipes that are in there during the chat. It's just made me even more excited to cook from.

[James Acaster]

I'm quite excited about the crispy roast tofu and aubergine with chili peanut sauce as well. Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Your broccoli pesto you're going to make.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. We found what we're going to do with the heads.

[Ed Gamble]

Finally, we did it. Now, I'd say we're back next week, but we're actually going to replace ourselves with babies for next week.

[James Acaster]

Yes. It's the off menu baby edition next week where they don't get kicked out the dream restaurant. They get sentenced to death.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Thank you very much for listening. We've been Ed Gamble and James Acaster on the Off Menu podcast.

[James Acaster]

Shout out to Cake Moss. Cake Mousse.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, you messed it up.

[James Acaster]

I messed it up.

[Ed Gamble]

Bye.

[James Acaster]

Bye. Acast powers the world's best podcast podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

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