Ep 267: Danny Dyer

Summary

Podcast Summary: “Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster” – Episode 267: Danny Dyer

Release Date: October 16, 2024
Host: Plosive
Guests: Comedians Ed Gamble, James Acaster, and special guest Danny Dyer

---

1. Introduction

In Episode 267 of "Off Menu," hosts Ed Gamble and James Acaster welcome Danny Dyer to their whimsical Dream Restaurant. The premise of the show involves guests selecting their ideal meals, encompassing a starter, main course, side dish, dessert, and drink, thereby crafting their dream dining experience.

James Acaster (03:15):
"Together, we own a dream restaurant. Every single week, we invite in a guest. So we ask them to choose their favorite starter, main course, dessert, side dish, and drink."

---

2. Danny Dyer’s Background and Career

Danny Dyer, a beloved figure in British entertainment, shares insights into his illustrious career. Renowned for roles in "EastEnders" and "Football Factory," Dyer discusses his latest project, "Rivals," a Disney Plus show based on a Jilly Cooper novel.

Danny Dyer (07:46):
"I’ll play a character called Freddie Jones, who is the richest one in it. It’s all about regional television and the rivalry within that."

Dyer highlights his admiration for co-stars like David Tennant and Alex Hassell, emphasizing the ensemble’s talent and the show's exciting narrative.

James Acaster (04:22):
"Rivals is the new Disney Plus show based on a Jilly Cooper book. Danny is in Rivals."

---

3. Exploring Danny’s Dream Menu

a. Starter: Prawn Cocktail with a Twist

Danny opts for the classic prawn cocktail, enhanced with a sprinkle of paprika to add a posh flair. He enjoys dipping crab sticks into the Mary Rose sauce, adding a personal touch to this traditional starter.

Danny Dyer (27:10):
"I do like a prawn cocktail. I love that Mary Rose sauce, a bit of paprika involved in that as well."

b. Main Course: Whole Leg of Roast Lamb

For the main course, Danny chooses a substantial leg of roast lamb, a dish that holds nostalgic value for him. He describes his method of roasting the lamb simply with lemon, pepper, and salt, allowing the natural flavors to shine.

Danny Dyer (33:02):
"I love a leg of lamb... I always find that the lamb one sort of sticks to the taters more because obviously put a lamb in first."

c. Side Dish: Chip Shop Chips with Curry Sauce

Danny's side dish selection includes traditional chip shop chips paired with rich curry sauce. He emphasizes the importance of using quality chip shop-style chips to complement the curry's flavors.

Danny Dyer (48:25):
"There's something about it. It's got to be the right chips and all. It needs to be a chip shop chip."

d. Dessert: Knickerbocker Glory

For dessert, Danny reminisces about childhood favorites and selects the Knickerbocker Glory, a nostalgic and indulgent treat that symbolizes his fond memories of simpler times.

Danny Dyer (64:51):
"I've gone for something again. Going back to my youth. Cuz I think food's a lot to do with nostalgia. And it would have to be a Wimpiece. Knickerbocker Glory."

e. Drink: Ice-Cold Lager

To wash down his meal, Danny chooses an ice-cold lager, specifically preferring brands like Stella and Carlsberg. He shares anecdotes about achieving the perfect beer temperature and his love for the refreshing taste.

Danny Dyer (55:06):
"Well, it's got to be lager because I just love it. I love it so much."

---

4. Personal Anecdotes and Humorous Stories

Throughout the episode, Danny shares numerous personal stories, blending humor with relatable experiences:

• Career Challenges: Danny recounts the frustrations of winning a BAFTA without receiving physical recognition, highlighting the complexities of fame.

  Danny Dyer (44:30):
  "I thought, there's a few on the table. So... I didn't get one."

• Parenting and Cooking: He humorously discusses his efforts to cater to his children's picky eating habits, using gadgets like air fryers to prepare separate meals.

  Danny Dyer (35:30):
  "So I don't want to cook them the same thing, which is the beauty of an air fryer."

• EastEnders Memories: Reflecting on his time in "EastEnders," Danny talks about repetitive scenes and the challenges of portraying the same character emotions repeatedly.

  Danny Dyer (52:30):
  "And I remember I got... I think I got banged up in prison."

• Food Dislikes: Despite his varied menu choices, Danny expresses a strong aversion to pesto-flavored couscous, emphasizing his selective taste preferences.

  Danny Dyer (61:56):
  "My worst nightmare is pesto flavored couscous."

---

5. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, Ed Gamble and James Acaster reflect on Danny's detailed and humorous contributions to his dream menu. They express appreciation for his candidness and the entertaining stories he shared.

James Acaster (74:32):
"And I think we got a lot more than we bargained for. So many details about Danny's life."

Ed Gamble (75:00):
"Fantastic episode. Don't forget to watch Rivals on Disney. That is out now. Go watch it. Sounds brilliant."

Danny humorously notes that his "trotters" (pig's feet) were mentioned but not included in the final menu, closing the episode on a light-hearted note.

Danny Dyer (75:13):
"So, I love it very much. But if you haven't got kids, there's no rush."

---

Notable Quotes

• Danny Dyer (02:44):
  "Dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for Career Day and said he was a big ROAS man. My friends still laugh at me to this day."

• James Acaster (05:02):
  "Speaking of doing it to the top level, Rivals."

• Danny Dyer (10:38):
  "So I love it, man. It's a great thing."

• James Acaster (23:01):
  "It's awful." (Referring to the Hot Chip Challenge)

• Danny Dyer (27:58):
  "So, for the purpose of this gaffe that we're in, you know, the dream scenario, it would probably be like a lobster one."

---

Final Remarks

Episode 267 offers listeners an engaging blend of culinary preferences, personal anecdotes, and humorous banter with Danny Dyer. His vivid descriptions and relatable stories make the episode enjoyable for both fans of the podcast and those unfamiliar with his work. The episode beautifully encapsulates the essence of "Off Menu," where dream meals serve as a gateway to deeper conversations and laughter.

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Disclaimer: All quotes are attributed based on the provided transcript and may be paraphrased for clarity and conciseness.

Transcript

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[Danny Dyer]

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[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast. Taking the bacon of conversation, the sausages of friendship, the fried egg of great comedy, and the black pudding of love. It's the podcast.

[James Acaster]

Full English Ed's been at a music festival all weekend singing very loud to heavy metal songs that he loves.

[Ed Gamble]

Sorry.

[James Acaster]

So just so you know, please adjust your phones.

[Ed Gamble]

Please don't adjust your phone or headphones or Headphones, anything.

[James Acaster]

This is a podcast on. That is Ed's voice for this episode.

[Ed Gamble]

Sorry, I. I'm. You know, it's unprofessional for me to turn up to a professional audio engagement with a voice like this, but I think this might be my new voice now, so.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. So get used to it. This is their gamble.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I mean, hopefully I don't have to do much talking on this episode.

[James Acaster]

Hopefully. Who knows? Cause, listen, that's a gamble. Minds James Lancaster. Together, we own a dream restaurant. Every single week, we invite in a guest. So we ask him if they've ever start a main course, dessert side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week, our guest is. Danny Dyer.

[Danny Dyer]

Danny Dyer.

[Ed Gamble]

The guy can talk. I'm not gonna need to say anything, am I?

[James Acaster]

And what a lovely voice as well. He's much loved by the entire nation and beyond.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

So people going to love listening to Danny D and his food choices. Sure.

[Ed Gamble]

Fantastic actor. A national treasure.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely. I think he's national treasure. Treasure now. Yeah. He's done so many things that people have loved over. Doesn't mean a lot to a lot of people. He's in. In our hearts. He's always on our minds.

[Ed Gamble]

EastEnders, Football Factory.

[James Acaster]

We both love. Ed and I were talking before this about how much we love the film Severance. Love Severance that he's in. Not to be confused with the tv.

[Ed Gamble]

There's also Harold Pinter's final museum. Yes.

[James Acaster]

Pinter loved him. So, like, you know, he. He kind of ticks all the boxes.

[Ed Gamble]

He does.

[James Acaster]

No matter what your taste in acting, film, TV plays.

[Ed Gamble]

Ds done it.

[James Acaster]

Ds done it to the top level.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Speaking of doing it to the top level, Rivals.

[Ed Gamble]

Rivals, the new Disney plus show based on a Gilly Cooper book. Danny is in Rivals.

[James Acaster]

That is out right now on Disney plus. Very exciting. We'll talk to him about that as well. But here's the thing. We all love Danny Dyer. He is a national treasure. But if he says the secret ingredient, an ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable, we will have to kick him out of the dream restaurant. And this week, the secret ingredient is.

[Ed Gamble]

Pig's feet. Pigs feet. Here's how we got to this. I like pigs feet. By the way, I've eaten pigs feet.

[James Acaster]

Won't surprise any regular listeners that Ed likes pigs feet.

[Ed Gamble]

Trotters. Yes, they are trotters.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. He's in Nice.

[Ed Gamble]

He's in Nice with his trotters up.

[James Acaster]

With his trotters up.

[Ed Gamble]

Something that Danny said about David Cameron.

[James Acaster]

Yes. After the Brexit referendum result. And listen, regardless of how you've. Please put to one side how you voted. Okay. Regardless of how you voted, you have to admit the fact that David Cameron called it on and then off and just wash his hands of it was out of order.

[Ed Gamble]

And when Danny Dyer said he's a niece with his trotters up, he spoke to the nation.

[James Acaster]

Everyone agreed with Danny Dyer on that one. I don't think you can back anyone. You can't back Cameron.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

Whether you're a Brexiteer or a Remainer or you abstained and didn't even vote, you gotta think that Cameron was a knobhead for that.

[Ed Gamble]

And also, saying trotters is funny.

[James Acaster]

And look, saying trotters is funny, but.

[Ed Gamble]

Will they be on Danny's menu? I hope not, because I definitely want to talk to the guy for a long time.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, well, let's find out.

[Ed Gamble]

This is the off menu menu of Danny Dyer. Welcome, Danny, to the Dream Restaurant.

[Danny Dyer]

Well, thanks for having me. I mean, this is. Oops.

[James Acaster]

Welcome, Danny Dyer, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.

[Danny Dyer]

Thank you. You used to the big cheese, you know, because I'm working for Disney now. I'm a Disney star, so you know, the elite. And so they. They demanded that if I could get on this, this was the one, you know, the off menu is the gaffe to be. I suppose.

[Ed Gamble]

So you've been strong armed into this by the Disney corporate.

[Danny Dyer]

Yes. Bully. Bullied into it in a way. But, you know, if Disney are go tell you what to do. You do? No, no, no. I'm honored to be here, mate. This is a. This is an interesting little podcast, this one. There's so many about. I heard that use it at first.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You up there.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, you started the podcast, used your brain.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Ed is Edwards proper. You were like around ground zero podcast. You were doing something very, very early.

[Ed Gamble]

2006, maybe.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah. How did you know about this? This is mental to me.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, well, you know, you just got to. You've got to notice these trends and get in there early.

[Danny Dyer]

Better version of radio, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Better version of radio. Exactly. And say what we like.

[James Acaster]

It's crazy to think that we relied on radio for so long for audio entertainment, when you think about it.

[Danny Dyer]

And now everyone swerves radio, you know, it gets blanked.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

People just got a podcast, so.

[James Acaster]

Well, it's good to know we're on Disney's radar. Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Oh, yeah, they love you.

[James Acaster]

That's great. And so are you, of course, because you're. You're part of it now. As you say, you're in the elite. Rivals is coming out.

[Danny Dyer]

Rivals is coming out, which is a job we did last year in Bristol. Set in 1986. It's Jilly Cooper novel, arguably one of her best. And yeah, I'm part of a real ensemble cast. Like I said, elite people. David Tenant, you know what a lovely geezer is.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, you want him to be horrible. You know, you want to, you know, because he's just perfect, this geezer. So he's like Rolls Royce of acting.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Aiden Turner and another, you know, wonderful, brilliant actor, Alex Hassell, who slipped under my radar for many years. Didn't have a clue. He was. But I learned a lot from him.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Emily Atax in it. Catherine Parkinson, you know, so, you know, great little Lisa McGrillis. So I'm part of this, like, this elite little firm. And it was a really beautiful job. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So what can you tell people about your character?

[Danny Dyer]

I'll play a character called Freddie Jones, who is. He's the richest one in it. It's all about regional television and the rivalry within that. And they were trying to get my money to invest. But I'm very. I'm still very much a working class geezer. Has done well for himself. I'm sort of based a little bit around Alan Sugar. So thing in a sense of. I've brought technology to the country in the 80s. I've got this great scene where I pull out. I'm in a nightclub and I pull out this karaoke machine and everyone's like, what? What the is this? And I go, ladies and gentlemen, this is karaoke. And then after bang out a meatloaf number.

[James Acaster]

Oh, Ed's karaoke.

[Ed Gamble]

That's my karaoke.

[Danny Dyer]

Okay, I did.

[Ed Gamble]

But out of Hell.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah, but hell is a strong one.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, Full every time. The last time we went to karaoke, which was pretty recently actually, for Ed's wife's birthday, someone put in Bat out of Hell way too early in the evening.

[Danny Dyer]

Right.

[Ed Gamble]

And afternoon as well, about 5:30pm and I did the full eight minute.

[Danny Dyer]

It's a long track and. Yeah, it's a good track. You got to commit.

[Ed Gamble]

I always commit, but there's always that feeling about halfway through where people think, it's over now. Yeah, but he's not even fallen off the bike.

[Danny Dyer]

No, this is true. Yeah. I had the red handkerchief, you know, that you said dabbies. So we've done a Bit of that. And the thing about when you're shooting these things is that I've got playback in my ear, so I was actually singing it with no music. People got to pretend that they're dancing. So I think it was quite traumatic for a lot of people. But I. I got through it and.

[James Acaster]

I think Disney will release that.

[Danny Dyer]

Well, it's in the show, but. No, but I start off with my. With me singing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And then it does sort of fade into meat love. He sort of takes over, but. But. But. Yeah. So he's a really interesting character. He's struggling with the classism sort of thing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

His wife, Valerie, loves it, you know, so she's all. She likes hanging out with aristocrats and all that sort of stuff. And it's difficult because most of the characters in it are very unlikable. Bit like succession.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

But you can't stop watching them, so. But with Freddie, he's lovely. He's a teddy bear with a bite. You know what I mean? And also, you know, I speak a bit of Japanese in it. Which is. Which is. Which is. It's just. It's worth tuning in just for that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And it took a long time to learn this little bit I've got, you know, because I went to have a geezer on WhatsApp. Because it's all phonetics in it. You can't write it down.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So I have to keep listening to it. And I'm on the blow. I got the amp. And also I'm speaking Japanese with the ump.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And that's an energy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So. But I love it, man. It's a great thing. I had a moustache for six months.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Which I broke it to me kids and they cried. Obviously, the school runs and stuff. And then. And interestingly. And then, interestingly, they grew to love it. And then when I got rid of it, they were really upset, so. So I pulled it out of the bag and I had a bit of oil. Bit of oil, you know, sort of brushing it and stuff. Little. Little tash brush.

[James Acaster]

Oh, that's nice.

[Danny Dyer]

And it's always nice to know you can grow one.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I think that's why I've done it.

[Danny Dyer]

Well, I was gonna say you've gone for this sort of a little soul.

[Ed Gamble]

Patch thing as well.

[Danny Dyer]

The musketeer violence.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. That's my wife's least favorite bit.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah. It rounds it off nicely.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you very much. Yeah, it balances it.

[Danny Dyer]

It does balance.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

It's not just attach.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So you Go, he's got a massage. But it ain't just the test. He's got more about it.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a look.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

It's a strong look. And when you've got attached is what I've noticed, you notice other people with tashes and you do the tash nod.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

It's odd, but I think nowadays, I think the tash is quite cool. If you grow a nice one, you can bowl around with it, you know, you look a bit edgy, you know what I mean? And also for me now, because I had a wig on and I had a moustache, it means I'm a versatile actor, even though I'm still a cockney.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And I don't care what they say, you know, you look at me and go, okay, that's a different character.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So you can do cockney with a tash without a tash, you know, and it was all my own because other people, unfortunately couldn't grow them. I won't. I won't name them. And so they had to have the stick on ones, which is a nightmare, you know, every time you smile, you know, one sticks up at the end, you got to make up. Just constantly dabbing it down with glue was. I was just bowling around with a nice shiny sort of oily tash, you know.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you think the people with fake tashes do a fake tash nod?

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah, I think they probably do because they're in pain. Yeah. It's quite a painful process. I mean, once I got my wig on, I did look a little bit like Bob Carroll. Jesus. I mean, that's a throwback. Spit the dog, you know, not ideal, really. Bob Carroll. Jesus. Although I'm sure he was a lovely geezer.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, you know, he's a, you know, he had a nutty puppet. I mean. I mean, he did gob at people and stuff, but good. Back in the day, you know, in the 80s, they loved all that, didn't they?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Are you much of a foodie, Danny?

[Danny Dyer]

I eat a lot of shit.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So I don't know much about food, but I realize, you know, like, I do eat a lot of shites and I always have. Dunno why. I don't know why that is or just, you know, that quick fix of just flavor.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, that's the game I'm in, really. I can. I can quite easily just. Just fly through a pack of, you know, them sort of the processed cheese.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

But. But the dairy ones, you know, so, you know, it's better than a triangle because it's all getting out of the triangle.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

But, you know, I can sit on my own just. Just opening them, just smashing them down. No bread, no crackers.

[Ed Gamble]

Like the slices that.

[Danny Dyer]

The slices, yeah, yeah. They release slices.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, I mean. I mean, the thing is, if you sort of on your. On your set and you just smothered with all the little wrappers around you, which is no good and interesting. It was hot last night and I was. I had a fan on, so every time I sort of took the cheese out of its thing, the wrappers were flying all over the gaff and like, crystal maze. Fucking mess. Like crystal.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So. So, yeah, I do eat a lot of processed stuff, hence why I've got a pair of tits. I think that's it, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Versatile actor.

[Danny Dyer]

But I think that's the reason for tits in men. I think it's processed food, you know, processed cheese.

[James Acaster]

Straight.

[Danny Dyer]

But you think if it's dairy Lee.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, you stand half a chance. I mean, it's better than the other. Sort of just a Morrison's one. You know what I mean? Just the sort of really yellowy one. You know what I mean? At least it's dairy Lee. So. So. So in answer to your question, no, I'm not a foodie. I wish I was. I think as you get older in life, maybe. Maybe you learn more about grub and it's all about the gut health in it. Now. I know about that probiotic.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Danny Dyer]

But.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah, it can't be at the moment. You know, I think that's science, isn't it? Is it? Yeah, it's a science, but sort of.

[Ed Gamble]

Takes the joy out of food, though, if you're thinking about science.

[Danny Dyer]

I think. I think eventually I would like to maybe learn about the gut health more. I don't know when.

[James Acaster]

Maybe like in between cheese slices, you can Google it and look up.

[Danny Dyer]

You couldn't. You couldn't have a cheese slice. See, you know, because it all starts with a gut. So I can't imagine what my guts are going through. And I do apologize.

[James Acaster]

So we always start with still or sparkling water. Danny, do you have a preference?

[Danny Dyer]

Well, I'm gonna go sparkling because I think you judge people, their wealth by, you know, water. How do you drink water in life?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, there's people on this planet, which is bollocks. They have to walk two miles to a well.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

The stinks of. And have to drink that water. And there's other people Just, you know, glugging, you know, sort of walk out of a bottle and pinging it over their shoulder. Plastic, you know, so sparkling water for me. When I was a kid, the idea of Perrier water was so my reach.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

In the 80s and that was a fucking. If people can drink Perrier water then they're caico Baco.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Which means rich.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So I always get quite excited about it now because I can afford it and I can have it, you know, so, so, yeah, and I quite like it. I quite like the taste of it. You know, it's. Especially if it's chilled, you know, it's almost like I'm sitting there, you know, I have a little glass. I feel I'm an important meeting somewhere, some sort of boardroom.

[James Acaster]

Do you remember when you realized like you were Keiko Baco?

[Danny Dyer]

Quite recently really, I think. You know, I think when I bought a Bentley.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's a big.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a big.

[Danny Dyer]

Well, the thing about Bentley's is you can't get them on finance. So they flew into me, obviously knew I had a few quid about me and they, they said, oh, why don't you come to Bentley? And I went down to Bentley, Tunbridge Wells. That's a, that's a sign. And I went in there and I said, listen, we're gonna, we're gonna borrow this mo. A Bentley Bentayga for a week. I couldn't believe it. And they know what they're doing. I've drove about in this motor unbelievers massaging me and yeah, the little holes in the seat, you know, you can press a button, it blows out all col. Yeah. And I knew I wasn't gonna be able to give it back and so I had to pay for it cash.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So I forgot.

[Ed Gamble]

They knew. Exactly.

[Danny Dyer]

Well, I had to explain it to me. Mrs. Because obviously, you know, no one needs to spend that much on a car. And so. So I made sure they put some tellies in the back with Netflix just so I go, it's for the kids. Yeah, on long journeys, you know, we can. And now I've got them, the kids just on their phones. Don't even watch it. Yeah, just bollocks. Some sad privileged kids. I brought up very privileged kids. You know, they don't realize they're bone mar kids.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Walk everywhere. I'll get a bus.

[James Acaster]

Y. Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, you know, so yeah, door to door. Bentley, my kids. So that's sparkling water. Yeah. I would like to get one of them chaps, me Mrs. Won't have it again. I don't know why you get their magic taps where boiling water, cold water, fizzy water.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You think how the does it work? Yeah, I mean it's impossible.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So I might invest in one. I might send one in the Bentley. You get one in the back. I could have one in a Bentley, couldn't I? I mean that's caked. Yeah, that's another level of cake there, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

That's pretty great. But you want to make sure the taps in a convenient place. You don't want that coming at the bottom of the seat, coming out of.

[Danny Dyer]

The roof just to sort of open you. You can just open your gully. Oh yeah, yeah, you gotta cop for that, you know, just. Just crack on with your day.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely lovely. Do you want ice or lemon in the sparkling water?

[Danny Dyer]

No, I think have it straight as I think straight as it comes. I've never been a fan of lemon in me wall. I've never understood it. Yeah, I do like a bit of lemon but you know, slopping people have lemon in their Coke. Yeah, it was awful. And I mean why, why about the piff starts coming out about of it. So. So no, not for me. Straight. Nice. Nice cold sparkling water. I mean it's a good way to start the day if.

[James Acaster]

If a pip comes loose in the slice of lemon.

[Danny Dyer]

This winds me up. Yeah, it really is. It's just like, I don't know what.

[Ed Gamble]

In the straw I want to started.

[Danny Dyer]

It, you know, putting lemon in it. They do that on a plane, you know, you're on a plane, you ask for a coke, they just chuck lemon. You are hell. And now you got to drink it, you know, you don't want to make a scene.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

People start recognizing me on there and I'll go, I won't have it with lemon in it. You know, makes me look a idio. So I'll just bang it down quick before this, you know, any of the pips can.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, make a break for it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, problems.

[James Acaster]

Or bread. Pop dubs or bread. Daddy Dyer. Pop dubs or bread?

[Danny Dyer]

Well, it's an odd one that because. Because you never go in a restaurant. You don't get offered that because obviously with some nutty gaffe. Yeah, because I'm getting the option. I'm gonna go Papa Dom's. Yeah, you never go to an Indian restaurant. They go, do you want bread instead? It ain't gonna happen. And the same in a normal restaurant where you go, oh, do you know what you got Any Papa Doms?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, because.

[Danny Dyer]

LAUGHTER yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do like the, you know, I like the idea of papa dums, especially the posh ones. You spin it all, the little thing around in little silver bowls and.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, so I quite like the Papa Dumb. You know, they're a nutty. I mean, what is it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, what is it?

[Danny Dyer]

What the fuck is it? It's interesting. I play a lot of football and if someone's in goal, you call them Papa Dom hands because they can't catch the ball or save. It just goes through their hands.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Because they do the disintegrate.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So I. I think I'll get involved with a Papadom just because I can.

[James Acaster]

You know, I think that's a film you could pitch to. Tim Burton is a Edward Papadom hands.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah. I think you go for it. It'd make it sexy somehow.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, it sort of work. But, yeah, I do like it. I like the. You put on them.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

That hot one is a right OTT one and all that is a normal pickle.

[Ed Gamble]

Like the lime. Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, the rest of them's quite sweet. Little lime thing and bit of mango, which is always nice. Nice bit of onion. You know, some people put a bit of lettuce on it, which, you know, it was weird, you know, putting lettuce on a pot with them. I mean. I mean, there's nothing worse I don't think I've seen.

[Ed Gamble]

That's weird.

[Danny Dyer]

You get different kind of salads, didn't you?

[Ed Gamble]

Right, yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

She get just straight onion and then they'll do one with a bit of tomato and sort of lettuce.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, you don't with that. There should be nowhere near a popper, Dom, in my eyes.

[James Acaster]

Agreed.

[Danny Dyer]

Agreed to lettuce?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Put lettuce on a popper, Dom.

[James Acaster]

I. I ordered some dirty fries recently.

[Danny Dyer]

Right, go on.

[James Acaster]

And they dumped lettuce on it, on.

[Danny Dyer]

The dirty fries, on the fries.

[Ed Gamble]

Not to make it feel.

[James Acaster]

So there was like some cold bacon lardons, nice loads of mayonnaise and then loads of lettuce. I was not happy.

[Danny Dyer]

Oh, it wasn't your choice.

[James Acaster]

No, I wanted the dirty fries in my head. It's going to have like cheese and, you know, hot bacon, maybe cold bacon lardons, Too much mayonnaise, like globbed on and loads of lettuce.

[Danny Dyer]

A little quilt on it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I didn't know what. What was going on. They'd like, you know, stirred it all in there.

[Danny Dyer]

But I think you Feel less about eating the dirty fries because you had.

[Ed Gamble]

To eat the lettuce.

[Danny Dyer]

So you go through the lettuce. Through the lettuce bit.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And then you get into the filth.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

But if you're ordering something called dirty fries, you're not there. I'm not there to be clean.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

Are you a fan of spice? When you say about the spicy dip, do you like hot food?

[Danny Dyer]

I do love hot food. Yeah. I think I was brought up. My mother used to always get Indian and she'd get him a dress and she'd always saved me a little bit on the plate when I was young, you know, I mean, so I got used to having a lot of food as a youngster, so. Oh. Now I, I, you know, I've. I've moved up now and I'm sort of vindaloo man. Oh. And I do love a vindaloo.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

It's just something about it. And I mean, obviously, you know, the, you know, having a pony after because there's a myth that gives you the runs. It doesn't give you the runs. Indian food, it just makes your asshole sting.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So the way it goes in is the same way it comes out.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So that's, that's, that's weird. So sometimes I have been known to because there's a. I get naughty vindaloo near me. Yeah. Because they're all different sort of, you know, some of them really spicy. Summer, not so bad. So sometimes you can put the cards you roll in the fridge and just have it ready just to. Just to get that first pony out the way. You know it's coming. You've got to get out of the way and just dab that bottle. Bottle and glasses ass.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Tentatively. Just get through it. You know, it's worth it because I like to have it on a Saturday because it feels like a Saturday for me and especially after a few beers.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you always have the toilet roll in the fridge just in case you order a curry or.

[Danny Dyer]

There's been times I think sometimes I'll just risk it and think it, you know? You know, when it's a naughty one, I know it's coming. So I will just. And I've got a lot of fridges in me gaffin because I'm caked.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

I've got a few wine coolers and so I can stash me cars you roll somewhere without anyone seeing it when I open the fridge.

[James Acaster]

Because obviously you've got a fridge just for.

[Danny Dyer]

Well, yeah, you want to Leave your toilet roll next to the potato salad in the fridge. It's not very appetizing, is it? So, you know, just plot it downstairs in my little wine cooler and dab away. But I love it. I do. I've always loved spicy food. My daughter's doing tick tock at the moment. I've got a middle child, son. He wants me to do this hot chip challenge.

[James Acaster]

Oh, don't do it.

[Danny Dyer]

I said, wasn't it for me? Yeah, yeah. So she gets all followers and likes. Yeah. And I'll just fucking bang in trouble.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. We did it.

[Danny Dyer]

And it's bad, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

It's awful.

[Danny Dyer]

It's only shaped like a Dorito, isn't it? Fucking hell. Surely I'll be sweet.

[Ed Gamble]

It comes in a coffin shaped box. Yeah, it's dreadful.

[Danny Dyer]

It's not so much the mouth, it's the. It's the stomach, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Again, it's the most painful thing I've ever done. Don't do it. I'm not the people who. The people who. And I'm worried I even mentioned it because we mentioned it on the podcast once and then they contacted our agents, the people who made us do it, tricked us into doing it, saying, can we release the footage now? And I'm like, no, we still. So if you're listening, I'm still angry with you and think you're a bunch of pricks for tricking us into doing that.

[Danny Dyer]

Okay, so. So talking about, obviously the, you know, the. The stingy ass. I can't imagine.

[Ed Gamble]

It was instant.

[James Acaster]

It was like my tongue was being chopped up with scissors. It was horrible.

[Ed Gamble]

You walked. You tried to walk home, didn't you?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I tried to walk home.

[Ed Gamble]

Ended up in the McDonald's toilet.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I did.

[Danny Dyer]

In McDonald's actually walking. And oh, my God, as I was.

[James Acaster]

Walking home, I was like, I'm not gonna make it.

[Ed Gamble]

I was in a cab holding onto the handle in the back of the cab to stop my body moving too much because every time we went over a speed bump, I thought I was just gonna empty.

[Danny Dyer]

Well, thank you, boys. I needed to hear this.

[James Acaster]

Don't do it.

[Danny Dyer]

Well, I was. Nearly got your lover, you know. You know, you love your kids, you do stuff for them. Yeah, yeah, you know you do. You know, like you jump in front of a bullet and all that bullet. So I thought, I'll do it for. You know, because, listen, I'm not gonna now.

[James Acaster]

You won't.

[Danny Dyer]

No, because you won't love her after you've eaten it.

[James Acaster]

I know, I know she's your daughter, but after you've eaten it, you won't love her. Yeah, don't do it.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah. Okay, well. Okay, well, that level of. That level of heat's not for me.

[James Acaster]

No, no.

[Ed Gamble]

You like to get a little sweat on, a little buzz.

[Danny Dyer]

Sweat on. I just. Yeah, like the idea of that bit of sting in the mouth, you know?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So like I said, if you, you know, if you've had a few lagers up to this point, it goes. It's like kebab in it. It's not. When you get a large donner, you know, you can't eat them sober. They always worry about people eating Donna's sober. You know, it's certain amount of them, mentally, you know, you got to be a bit pissed. It's wrong with the garlic, you know, sauce on it and the chili sauce and, you know, a bit red cabbage and all, you know, just, you know, and just mansion. It's the best thing in the world.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And then, you know, as soon as you read it, you know, you just. Instant regret, isn't it? And just that, that, that. That taste of whatever the fuck it is. Donkey. Is it? I don't know what it is. It's hard to. You never know. Yeah. I mean, you look at. You could. The shape of it, you'd never know what it is. It could be just be anything.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

They're slicing it off in front, you know. Oh, look at that. That looks beautiful. And then, of course, after you've. You think, what have I become? Who am I?

[Ed Gamble]

You know, I was at a music festival this weekend, and at this music festival, I always get the bunny chow, which is a South African thing, which is a hollowed out loaf of bread. And then they put chili con carne in the middle of it.

[Danny Dyer]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

But they get hot. There's hot. 50, 50 or mild, and always get the hot. You've got to go hot.

[Danny Dyer]

You've got a festival, though.

[James Acaster]

So is it a festival?

[Danny Dyer]

I mean, it's hot. It's vindaloo. Is it?

[Ed Gamble]

It's. Yeah, it proper, like sweat on, sweat under the eyes, little buzz.

[James Acaster]

No access to a proper toilet.

[Ed Gamble]

No access to a proper toilet. But I've got like maybe eight hours until things really kick off.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah. Usually you'd hope.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, because it takes. It takes a while, doesn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So we luckily staying in a hotel for this music festival. So the next morning I woke up in agony.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But the beauty of it is instant relief. Straight to the toilet. Feel Amazing.

[Danny Dyer]

Nice little ankle clutcher.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Tatarovich. I think the chili should be hot. And I'll. Yeah, there's nothing worse than. It's just a chili.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

What's that mean?

[Danny Dyer]

It's like, you know, it's like when you're filming and catering and they're frightened to put spice in anything and they can see, you know. But like, you know, chili, it's just pointless. It needs some bollocks. A chili.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. 100.

[Danny Dyer]

But that sounds lovely. I know. I'd have a go on that, I think. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And they put, like, bit of sour cream on the top. And then some of the bread that they've taken out of the loaf, they put garlic butter on it and toast it and stick it on top.

[Danny Dyer]

Posh festival, this. Jesus Christ. Is that Heavy metal festival is heavy. Oh, okay. Right, okay. I mean, you know, most festivals, people don't eat because.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Drugs.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Let's get into your menu proper, Danny. Your dream starter.

[Danny Dyer]

I've never been a starter, man, you know what I mean? But I. I think the only time you have starters indoors is Christmas, you know? You know, a lot of people go, oh, man, we're gonna have a star. And you go, what? Prawn cocktail, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And everyone does it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

It's mad that there's only one day of the year that you'd make the effort to make a start for everyone.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So I think I do like a prawn cocktail. I do love it. I love that, you know, that Mary rose sauce, bit of lettuce involved in that as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

I've recently discovered paprika, so, yeah, I'm in charge of the. Of the star, so I like to put a little. Little bit of paprika and it makes you look a bit posh. You know what I mean?

[Ed Gamble]

How did you discover paprika?

[Danny Dyer]

I can't remember now. So I just. I think I bought it by accident. Yeah. I went to the. What were you doing? You know, you're going to soup. There's loads, hundreds of them, mate. What would you. If you had them indoors, what would you do with all these spices?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And I think I wanted to pick up chili flakes. And I picked up the paprika.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So anyway, I went with it and it's. And I got the hot smoky one. So if you just put a little bit on top of your prawn cocktail, it just looks the bollocks.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So for the purpose of this gaffe that we're in, you Know the dream scenario, it would probably be like a lobstery one.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, nice.

[Danny Dyer]

Lobster.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Maybe some little cherry tomatoes in the mix as well, you know. Yeah, in a bit, you know, and sort of like a cocktail glass, you know, like that. That's. That's the one for me, I think.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

I just. I just. And I love. I love all that bollocks. I just. I think it's the sauce that I love.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, I'm quite partial to dipping a crab stick in that sauce as well.

[James Acaster]

Lovely.

[Ed Gamble]

Nice.

[James Acaster]

We can put some crab sticks. Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Issues with the wrappers, because if it comes on the back of eating some Dairy Lee squares.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, and then. And then crab sticks. I mean. Yeah. And the fan.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. The fans.

[Danny Dyer]

I mean, how'd you explain it to the missus, the kids and stuff? You know, just sort of looking you up and down. You're disgusted with you. But yeah, you know, dipping a crab stick in some of that Mary Rose Salt is a pleasant experience for me.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I just imagine you're Bentley now. The passenger footwell just full of wrappers.

[Danny Dyer]

It's me bent. I could. I could. Do I want it now? Yeah, I suppose. The crab stick, it's like, do you just dip it in or just strip it?

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Danny Dyer]

Because what the is it as well?

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Danny Dyer]

Again, it's not crab. What is it?

[James Acaster]

It's suspicious, isn't it?

[Danny Dyer]

It's what it is because it was called crab sticks and now they're not. They're called fish sticks.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Because there's no crab in it. But is there fish?

[James Acaster]

But I was googling it now, I think.

[Ed Gamble]

I guess there has to be some fish in it for them to call.

[Danny Dyer]

It fish something, you know, it can't be just sticks.

[Ed Gamble]

But it strips, isn't it? It's very strips. It strips and they roll it, then they roll it.

[Danny Dyer]

But then. But then one side of it is pink. Right. And which is how I go when I'm an ology. I gotta turn into a crab stick. I'm not good at the turning over. And so you sort of lay there like that, you know, try and get your feet in the right place.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Because the trot is always the last thing to burn.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Danny Dyer]

So, you know, you try and get all your fingers splayed, you know, try. Try and get brown. But then you forget to turn, didn't you? So many times I've turned into a crab stick on holiday. It's horrible. It's like two men, you know, you look at me from the pink and if I was to turn around white as a sheet.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So you'd never recognize me from behind. Gotta learn to turn on that bed, you know what I mean?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

But I've always loved them crab sticks. And I love all that sort of food that, you know, that welks. I love a whelk. Yeah. Again, it's. I can understand why people look at me go, what the hell is that, man?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, big old bogeys and they just sit in a bowl. You lace them with chili vinegar and white pepper.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And you. You chew them, pray you don't get any grit, because it does sort of put you off the grit. So for cockle.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, if you crunch down a bit of grit in a cockle, it winds me up.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

But you can't get it all out. You can't get all the grit out. So I love all that. I love seafood, I love a jelly deal. And I understand, again with the idea of, you know, eating a jelly deal where you've got to suck around the spine and gob the spine out.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, like that's the process, really. So you have a separate pot for the spines. And, you know, it's the old boys, you know, a good pie math shop.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Is someone, an old boy in the corner with old duffel coat on, you know, cap on, obviously a widower. He's in the same spot and you can see him sitting there, you know, he's got no check. That's the thing. You need no teeth to eat them, really.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[Danny Dyer]

And that's probably the one advantage of having no teeth will be you can suck wearing an eel and then gob it into a pot and crack on with your day. You know, it's, it's, it's incredible to me, but I, I think when you have them as a youngster, it works for me. I don't know why.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, those, those, those places still exist. The pie mash.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah. No, yeah, absolutely. I bought house on the strength of there was a pie mash in walking distance, which was a step up for me because I was living in a place called Custom House near Canning Town. And then I earned a few quid. Wasn't quite quaked.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And I moved out of the area in Essex. And basically when I drove to the view and I saw the pie mash, I'm buying it. I'm not even saying the gas yet, but the fact there's a pie mash shop right there. And I remember moving in, there was all people outside sort of milling about going, how are you doing moving around here? Sort of questioning me, thinking I was a multi millionaire at that point. I wasn't. So it was a big step up for us. It was a big four bedroom house. We needed to get out of the manor. And then I'd wake up some days and there'd be. With eggs. Eggs thrown at me, as was weird.

[James Acaster]

Oh.

[Danny Dyer]

So people resenting me for moving around there. But if you're gonna chuck eggs at someone's house, surely you'd wait for their reaction to just. So basically they throw eggs and off home. So I'd get up, look at me side of me gaff. It was shell everywhere and it was the point of that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And then. And then it started to get a little bit more knowing of chucking vodka bottles and. And I don't know what the I've done, by the way.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Maybe it was me character and EastEnders I didn't like.

[James Acaster]

Is that what it is?

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah, it must have been. So. So, yeah. So we had. We had a little stretch around there for a little while and then. And then I got a bit more caked and then. And then we managed to go to a lovely place where we live now, which is. Which is lovely.

[James Acaster]

They're throwing caviar at your house.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's that sort of vibe, you know.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Your dream main course, Danny.

[Danny Dyer]

Well, I do laugh. A leg of lamb.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And lambs are cute. Like if you think about it. You'd never eat one if you saw one. You. What a lovely little thing that is.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Innocence Easter. I don't know what was the lamb's got to do.

[James Acaster]

It's all about new life.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Spring.

[Ed Gamble]

It's in spring as well, I guess.

[Danny Dyer]

That's the best lamb.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. It's all the. Yeah, it's all the Christian stuff of new life.

[Danny Dyer]

I love a bit of lamb, honestly. I know. I. I want a whole leg. I want that to myself.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Like.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

My nan used to do a leg of lamb and then she'd sort of chop it all off and then she'd. She'd throw me and my brother the bone.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

At the end. And then we'd have to fight over this bone. You know, if a cop for it first. Got the best bit and all that. There's something about gnawing around a bone I love.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So I. And also the result in my gaffe is that no one else eats lamb. It's a weird one because a lot of people don't like it. They're offended by lamb.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

I. I just love it. And I. If I do a roast, I'll do a Legoland for me and a bit of chicken for everyone else. Which means on my plate, I've just got a great big leg of lamb.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

With sort of trimmings around it. So that would be the game I'm in. It would be a leg of lamb. A roast dinner. Because I love a roast. It's the only time we sit around the table as a family because again, I've gone back to having very privileged children.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, they're fussy as.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know what I mean? Like when I was a kid. Yeah. You got, you know, I. Hot dogs with super noodles put down in front of me not to eat it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

My worst one was chicken Kiev. I couldn't stand the chicken Kiev. So I try and get as much in my mouth as possible. Go. Go to the Kazi, pretend I'm having a piss and gob it out.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

But I had to eat it because I won't get another dinner. That sounds cruel now, but back in the day, it's like, no, there's your dinner. That's what you're going to eat. If you don't want it, fuck you.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And so you weren't eating it. Well, I. Some of it in front of him. Didn't.

[Ed Gamble]

I see a bit of it and then swallowing it.

[Danny Dyer]

Like, we're weird. I love a chicken Kiev now.

[Ed Gamble]

Chicken Kiev's great.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

But back in the day, I think the ones that my mother used to get was the ready meal type one. I mean, it was, you know, it wasn't a very pleasant. You know, it was. There's nothing coming out of it, you know, like the ones you see on an advert. They cut it open. It was just this lovely sort of garlic, you sort of butter coming out. There was no dry as. So. So not so. So I. I love a roast because we all. We all sit around the table and blank each other.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

But at least we've made the effort to sit around the table.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So I never. When I cook for the kids, they always have different things, so I can never really cook them the same thing, which is the beauty of an air fryer. You know, So I ain't got a. About putting two things in an oven.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, like. Like my boy who loves them little frozen pizzas. If I was to make him one not fresh, he won't. You're going, I. I don't want it. I got My. I bought a pizza oven outside. It's cost me five grand. Right. When you're not gonna eat it. No, I want the little frozen ones. You go, hell, what have I brought up here? What I dragged up?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

The tip to the little frozen ones is you get your air fryer sort of squirt. You just squirt it on the top.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Just to give it a nice little bit of.

[Ed Gamble]

What are you squirting in there with the oil? Right, okay.

[Danny Dyer]

A bit of oil on the top.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Just so it goes a little bit browner.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, so. Because they're horrible, them frozen pieces.

[Ed Gamble]

They're the little like the Chicago town.

[Danny Dyer]

You never get them right. Yeah, yeah, Chicago town. And then just these bland. Especially the four cheese one that he likes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

It's one cheese. There's no way in the world there's four cheeses on it. So now and again there's a Katsu curry one, which. Fucking hell.

[Ed Gamble]

God.

[Danny Dyer]

But so, so it will have a pepperoni. Sometimes you'll have a cheese and a pepperoni.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, just to mix it up. And I'll just do some fries in here. Fries him done. Chop up a bit of cucumber to make myself feel better. You know, see him sort of gnaw around that. Because he won't really eat veggies and stuff.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

My daughter, she's 17, she's a little bit more open with food. It has to be certain things, certain pastas, you know, like pasta is the same thing in it. Not the nude pasta. I'm talking about dried pasta.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

No matter what shape it is, it tastes the same, doesn't it? But it has to be. If I do this, I do a vodka pasta. It has to be the little far felly, the dicky bows.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And I'm sorry to say this, whether it's that they're a cunt to get hold of.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, like penne, sweet rigatoni. You can get hold of the far felly.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

It's got to be a certain gaffe. You've got to get it. There's another one, the shells. It begins with a C.

[James Acaster]

You do.

[Danny Dyer]

Them with a bolognese. You know, it's. It's a beautiful thing.

[Ed Gamble]

But they're great because they catch loads of sauce.

[Danny Dyer]

Right? Yeah, Little, little pockets. It just, you know, it's beautiful. But yeah, it's got to be far felly. So. So I've done that for yesterday anyway, so if it rest of the way, I've got To try and come up with. I bought a magnet for the fridge. Right. Menu magnet it. But what we're going to do is we're going to write down what you want to eat all week so I. I can, you know, get it in all in order. No one's gone near it at all. They're not interested in it. So every morning I go, well, would you want me dinner tonight? Just so I'll get it in order. So I don't know. Okay. But I need. I don't need a rough idea just because later when you're angry and I've got. Because I've. I've legally got features. There's a few things I've got to do till you're 18, which is, you know, feed you, get you about. Basically, you basically just become a cabbie and a chef.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's.

[Danny Dyer]

That's the two main things. The other thing is every time they turn you up, water tap on, there's got to be hot water.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

When it gets cold, the radiators have to work. That's the other thing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And you've got to clothe them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

But when they're 18, that's it. They can off.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So up to that point, I need to know what the. Do you want to eat?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So, you know, so it's always. It's like four different things. That's what it is. So. But so luckily by Friday, it's a takeaway.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Just get away of it. So I don't know what's happening tonight. There's not been no discussions when I left, so that's gonna. So I know it's on me when I get home. What the. They're gonna do.

[Ed Gamble]

It's gonna be frozen.

[Danny Dyer]

Oh, that's not in the fridge. Why didn't you get that? And because you didn't tell me this morning. But I do love them. Yeah, yeah, I love them very, very much.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

But if you haven't got kids, there's no rush.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

How are you roasting the lamb? Are you doing. Are you doing it like slow roast or just like.

[Danny Dyer]

No, I'll whack it in there. About hour and 20.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

A bit of lemon on it, bit of pepper, bit of salt. That's the game I'm in.

[James Acaster]

Lovely.

[Danny Dyer]

Very, very simple. Also, it's good the lamb juice with your taters because obviously you do different meats and. But I always find that the lamb one sort of sticks to the tater more because obviously put a lamb in first and Then a bit of goose fat in a separate little sort of baking tray thing. Put your taters in that and then you whack that all in with a lamb and just get all that filth all over it. All that lamb blood.

[James Acaster]

Amazing.

[Danny Dyer]

And I want to pick it up with my hand and I don't about the night before. I want to smash into that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, sort of dripping down my chin full.

[Ed Gamble]

Henry viii, sort of.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Well, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Hey, don't do Henry the eighth references.

[Danny Dyer]

He did iron out my 15 times great grandfather.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Mad, that ain't it.

[James Acaster]

It is mad.

[Danny Dyer]

It's mental, that one. I mean, I couldn't give a. About King Edward iii, to be honest. It was because Cromwell would have done me.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Because I'd never seen Wolf Hall. And there's another one coming out which I'm very excited this year, the second half of it, obviously leading up to him getting his nut chopped off. So. Yeah. And also Mark Rylance, who played him. Someone I worked with many moons ago, someone I very much look up to. But I think Destiny, I must play Thomas Cromwell at some point.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

I mean, I'll be devastated if I don't get to play him, but, you know, just a kid out of Putney, you know, who went through Rose, through the ranks, you know, he off to Florence as you do, you know, and they sort of 16th century, learned loads of languages, became a lawyer, came back, became his best mate. Yes. There were some issues around the church and that sort of stuff, but I got some really. Some really horrible messages, actually. Some people digging me out for what Cromwell done, you know, because. But, but, but he. But his last thing that he did, and I've said this before, that's why I love him, is that I wouldn't be here if. Before he had his nut off.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

He made sure his son Gregory, my 14 times great, great grandfather, married Elizabeth Seymour, Marne.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Sister of Jane. Because Henry loved Jane. I mean, that was his ultimate treacle. Right. So he didn't kill Gregory.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Because obviously it would have upset Jane and that. Because Elizabeth might have, you know, the amp. Because obviously, you know, it was a fella.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So he. He made sure that his son survived by marrying him off to Elizabeth. And then they had a child. And then they had a child and then me 15 generations later.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So it's clever, wasn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

It's mad.

[James Acaster]

Very clever.

[Danny Dyer]

But more emotional when I watch it, you know, because me, that was me granddad.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

If any of you still done it yet, no.

[James Acaster]

Oh, no, I found Josh Whitaker did it and found out he was related to Henry viii.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Oh, well, actually, yeah, yeah, it was done made.

[James Acaster]

Well, you two can go. I mean, I, I don't think as many people went crazy up after the episode. People were still pretty well. Can't believe Josh wedding comes related to Henry viii. But I think there was.

[Danny Dyer]

Maybe he's quite fair like him, I suppose. Yeah, I suppose if he, if he, if he tried to grow some stub, it would be ginger.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But Henry, Henry the X was a busy boy, right. So he must.

[Danny Dyer]

Well, you know, the fact that, you know these professors after. Because I was the first one to be sort of related to King Edward iii and then these, these professors all came out and started going, well, actually everyone's related to King Edward iii, so I don't know what you're getting excited about. Fucking hell. Cheers. Shitting on me parade. I thought, well, hold on a minute. If I'm in series 18.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Where the fuck. There's no one else but at the. Oh, well, it's just because it's. You know, the one thing that's slightly impressive is that you've got a direct line, you know, there's no. They haven't got to fill in any gaps. I thought, fucking cheers.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know me one great achievement.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Was they go nowhere. Everyone's every. So. So we're all, basically. We're all fucking each other's cousins. We're all cousins. We're related. Yeah. I just thought I'd break it to you all, you know, because. Because if that's what they're saying.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't they check though? Don't. Who do you think you are? Check that you've got an exciting family.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

They like, you know, whether you've got profile, whatever, and they go, oh, we've got to do one on you. They go, have you got the information? And you go to your mum and they go, she brings out a couple of old photos from the 60s, okay. Then you go back to them, go, well, you know, I think we relate to a family called the Bativants or the Bootivants who were French, that's all you know. And then they off. You don't need nothing for six months. And then they come back and go. And I know a couple of people who. They come back went, I'm sorry, listen, yeah, they're not going to do it. And you go, hell no. No compensation go, no, no, we're just not going to. We're not going to do one on you.

[Ed Gamble]

That's my fear.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah. No, it's all lovely to meet you. Or like, in. In my case, they come back shaking. There's an energy and they're not what's going on here. Like, they go, yeah, we're gonna start filming about three weeks. And what we're gonna do is we'll pick you up on Tuesday, 8:00 in the morning. You go, this is fucking mad. Because the thing about that job is you don't know what you're doing. You know, like, you do a job and you go, I'm getting picked up. You learn your lines, you know where you're going.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

In that job, you don't even know where you're going in the morning.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So you know where you're going, where the cab's taking you, who you're meeting. It's really hard to sort of like, get in, get up for it. At the time, I wasn't a lot of diocese, Pam. I was going through a mad stage, so I was a bit numbed, but I, you know, I. I was thrilled. And the other thing that fucked me off was that, you know, we won a bafta. Was the first one to win a bafta. Flying. And, you know, got up there and they'd done the speech was a bit weird. My family.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And then. And then. And then you go behind the stage, you know, you say, I'm gonna get me bafta. And they all got one, but me. And I stood there like a fucking plum. I thought, there's a few on the table. So. And then. So they go four out. One to the producer, one to the director, one to someone else who I'd never even met. I thought, where's my.

[James Acaster]

The runner got one. Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

But I didn't want to. I didn't want to again. I didn't want to kick off, you know, like a prick. Because.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, because I would have looked like, well, it's my bafta, you know, storming around.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Ed Gamble]

So throwing your lemon everywhere.

[Danny Dyer]

Well, there's bollocks, like.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So, you know, I thought even should just get one for that. You know what I mean? That's nice to have him.

[James Acaster]

It's crazy.

[Danny Dyer]

It's not like for a job, like an acting job or anything, you know, that's the dream. But just to have one, it would be. Would have been nice. So, yeah, unfortunately, I didn't get one.

[James Acaster]

They might have been worried you'd cut the head off the bafta.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah. Well, yeah. You know, just fascinating that my bloodline.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Got them that my great granddad spunk and I don't get no bafta. What a difference a day makes.

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[Danny Dyer]

He came by my school for career day and said he was a big roas man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laugh at me to this day.

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[Danny Dyer]

Details.

[James Acaster]

Your dream side dish, Danny Dyer.

[Danny Dyer]

Oh, so side dish is a weird one. Because what is a side dish? It's what you're having on your plate. Is it? But it's not. You know, it comes in a little like a half moon plate than it maybe, I'm thinking. But I like curry sauce and chips.

[James Acaster]

Lovely.

[Danny Dyer]

There's something about it. I don't know what.

[James Acaster]

I mean.

[Danny Dyer]

It's got to be the right chips and all. It needs to be a chip shop chip. Like you can't have curry sauce on fries.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Danny Dyer]

It just doesn't work. I don't know why. So it's got to be them nice chip shop chips. And I would leave it down to you to how much curry sauce you're going to put on it.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you want the curry sauce over the top ladle?

[Danny Dyer]

Yes. And ideally of a plastic folk, you know, not. Not. Not the little wooden ones. Them bollocky little ones, you know, they're not quite a folk know what the. They are. You know, they've got that weird little. I don't know what they are.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, Chip folks.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah, chip folk.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So I want a plastic fork. If not plastic is obviously the planet in it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You'll be doing paper folks. So new watch. That won't last the same as the straws. It's all bollocks.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Don't give us paper straws when you're still selling bottles of water and plastic fat. I don't get it. Vapes now.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So, okay, what we do is we'll give you. We'll give you a paper straw that's going to last a bit. You got to drink that drink lively because that's going to disintegrate. But yet you can go buy fucking fruity vapes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And then you go. So it's just not. It's a. It's just the math, ain't it? Don't add up. Yeah, but. So, okay, let's go for a paper. Fucking folk. And I want to be fair, I would like the chips to be drowning in the. In the curry sauce.

[James Acaster]

You got it?

[Danny Dyer]

It goes back to when I was young and you know, having a Chinese as a youngster when I'd be out be mates and I'd have a bit of money in my pocket and I'd go to the takeaway and you know, we're fucking about. We know what we're doing, you know, robbing parcel. False fans and. No, I'm joking.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

But you know, you have a break from it all and then you go to the Chinese, you get the little tin, you get a bit of special fried rice in there, chips, vinegar all over it, and then curry sauce on it. And you just bowl around on accounts of the state eating that. That's the one that is.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

I mean, there's something about it. And that curry sauce has never changed the taste of it. So I love it. I love it. And I think as a side dish, after munching on a leg of lamb, I mean, I won't be able to.

[James Acaster]

Move after they go really nicely together. I love the idea of a leg of lamb. And I'd be chip shop chips with.

[Ed Gamble]

Curry dipping a bit of the lamb in the curry sauce as well.

[Danny Dyer]

Oh, there you go.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

That means I'd have to maybe take a chunk off of my fingers of the lamb.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Instead of eating it, like, not immediate.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Liberty Tiger.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Oh, my. Maybe I could make. I just sort of roll it in it, you know.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And then smash it down, pour a little bit. That's a good idea. But I might have a go on this.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

When I'm indoors on my own.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. You can write it on the menu, on the. On the fridge menu for yourself.

[Danny Dyer]

Ah, could do it for myself.

[James Acaster]

Couldn't write it there and go. There you go, kids.

[Danny Dyer]

When we have to start busying herself and judging me on it and I don't, you know, there's something you gotta eat on your own, just sitting in your pants, you know what I mean? With a fan on.

[James Acaster]

Was there a fish and chip shop or a chip shop growing up, that was like the best one that you always went to, that you did the best chips.

[Danny Dyer]

Was one near me now, Wilson's, which is a good one.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

But back in the day, yeah, you had Jade Ass, which was the one that was, you know, down the main road, you know, where everyone would sort of hang out, you know, go up Jade House. And interestingly, that Chinese used to come in little bags. That's how long ago it was. White bags. And you can pick the up because it's so hot. You know what I mean? So JDAs was the one. And then there was also another one called EastEnders Kebabs, which was.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Which is weird. You know, I used to go in there a lot and I'd be in it extenders later on.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

I'm glad I ended up in the soap and not the shop. Some people go and have a work experience, but I believe Jade House has gone now. But I do believe that EastEnders Kebab Shop is still there.

[Ed Gamble]

Is the font on the sign the same as the EastEnders?

[Danny Dyer]

I think they've tried that. I mean, that was allowed copyright. So with a little Thames thing.

[James Acaster]

Are there certain lines that you delivered in EastEnders and then you. You hear the. The drum doof, doof in your head afterwards. I would find it impossible.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah, that was always a weird thing, that. Because it's a myth, I think that as an actor, you get the scripts and you flick to the back because you want the duff. Duff.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And there's a record of saying someone's done the most of them, but you don't want it because it's. It's horrible. It's awkward. You have to hold a gaze for about eight seconds and it's the same gaze. You know, you slightly constipated or. Yeah, because when it's a cliffhanger. So it's the faces. What the fuck's gonna happen?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And I remember I got. I had a whole week. I got banged up in prison and that's going holiday, see. So. So I have to sort of work it into the thing. But basically I got set up. So someone shot themselves and blamed it on me.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And then put my fingers on the gun.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And so in prison, I was having a bad time. It was a daddy on the wing and all that. Although my character, you know, he want to prick. He could have it off.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Obviously didn't want to get in our head because he wanted to get out. So at the end of every EP and I'd fall on the spin, was. Was me getting either bullied or something had happened and it was the same face again. So you get exposed.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You can't mix it up. Yeah, it's got to be. And they're adamant about this. What the Is going to happen.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Tomorrow. And so, you know, it is a face of like. I can't quite do it now, but it's a flare of the nostril because you sort of.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You sort of thinking. You're trying to. But you hold it for too long because the camera, next time you watch it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

It attracts into you.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

That's when you know it's a duffer. I always know when I watching it that, oh, this is a duff. Duff. Let me see the camera on the move.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And it never cuts to the other character who's talking to him and just broke the bad news.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So it's on your boat. It's on your boat. It's on your boat. You got to hold it. Gotta hold it. And then the duff duffs kick in. So I would always dread them. I got a few in me time, interestingly, I got one laughing one. One. And I never done it again. It didn't work. Yeah, it was. I laughed on the Duffield because it was Shirley breaking it to Phil that I was her brother and so. And weirdly, I laugh when she introduces me as her brother. I don't know why.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

She goes, phil, this is my brother Mick. And I go. And then you got to carry the laugh on. They never did it again. We did one Jolly Christmas once as well.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And they never did that again because no one wants it.

[Ed Gamble]

No one wants it.

[Danny Dyer]

Not at Christmas extenders.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And we did a jolly up once. Kathy was around the piano singing. What was it? It was the Morgan Wire song. What is it? The famous song.

[Ed Gamble]

Bring Me Sunshine.

[Danny Dyer]

Bring me sunshine.

[James Acaster]

Oh, lovely.

[Danny Dyer]

And they ended this show like that.

[Ed Gamble]

No one wants to watch EastEnders and they're having a better time than they are at Christmas.

[Danny Dyer]

You're right. So it didn't work. We was all singing around the old Joanna.

[James Acaster]

People must have thought it was the final episode of Easter.

[Danny Dyer]

Felt like it was.

[James Acaster]

Well, no, Duff. Duff. They can bring me sunshine and pat it away. Hold on a second. If it's over, it would have been.

[Danny Dyer]

A good to end it.

[James Acaster]

Are your dream drink, Danny?

[Danny Dyer]

Well, it's got to be lager because I. I just love it. I love lager. I love it so much. I got to get at the right temperature as well. There's a. There's a little garage around the corner for me. A petrol garages. I mean, it's a shit oldest garage. But the fridge he's got.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

It's the perfect temperature for beer. I can't.

[Ed Gamble]

The amount of fridge you've got and your. And your perfect temperature is in the garage.

[Danny Dyer]

I can't get my fridges to this. Yeah, it needs to be broke. So this fridge, I mean, it's like. No. Or one.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

I can only get mine to go down to free, which is bollocks. It's always cold.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So what I have to do is I have to quickly get it out, zap it in the freezer to beer in the gaffe. Because I had one the other day and. And I. And I. And I was sitting in my garden on me jack. I've just had a big renovation job and I've not had a garden in nearly two years. It's been horrendous.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Anyway, I've got a garden. I was plotted out and I got me beer perfect. I poured it in a lovely glass. You know, you just sort of hold it up and I got a good head on it. And the thing about it was it was out a cat, it was a Stella, it was Uri Geller, so I like to call them. So anyway I was holding it up, just looking it and just think this is just. And the head, you know, because I poured it out of a can. The head doesn't last long. Yeah, you got to get that first few gulps, you know. And it was just perfect. Very refreshing. So I do love an ice cold lager.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know the thing about getting on the piss with them is there's only like the first two or three that taste nice. After that it gets a bit filling you up. It's just. Yeah. You don't. You could see your tits growing in your belly and you know. Oh, air. Well, I've committed, you know, the thing is by point 8. I don't know about you used to.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You're fucking all over the gaffer.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. It's not good.

[Danny Dyer]

It's not good. But once I start, what's the rule? Is it you can't have wine before beer or beer before wine? So it's a mix to mix. If you commit to beer, you got to stay on the beer, aren't you? Yeah. But preferably in a beer garden as well, you know, is what you'd want.

[Ed Gamble]

There is a lager is the only beer that fills that need. There's no other beer where it's like a hot day and you want, you want something perfect. It just looks perfect.

[Danny Dyer]

Perfect. And I just think to wash down grub as well, I, I. And I don't mind whining that now and again, you know, I must say again, it's about how cold that white wine is.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

It's something about, you know, you pour it at Glove when you go to the white posh restaurant, you know. You know you're a posh gaffer by the. The sort of condensation on the glass.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, you can sort of wipe it and it's like, oh, now that's what I take notes of with wine and all. I don't understand all that. Okay. A bit. Okay. They say some of them good nose, that's the other way people sticking out right in it and oh, you like hell. Who are these people?

[Ed Gamble]

I do that.

[Danny Dyer]

Do you? Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I'd love.

[Danny Dyer]

Do you understand it?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think I Fully understand it, but I'm interested in it. So I do the. I swirl the glass and give it a sniff, and then you.

[Danny Dyer]

And then you pull the glass back and then you can tell how much alcohol's in it by.

[Ed Gamble]

By the legs.

[Danny Dyer]

By the. There you go. There, the legs. He knows the name. The legs on it. There's something about it. Wine as well. I do like it. I do like red and all. Would you have cold red wine or. No, it's good.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Some. Some. Some red wines are really nice cold.

[Danny Dyer]

Get the ump over that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but there's some that.

[Danny Dyer]

Wine boats would be like, how dare you.

[Ed Gamble]

Things like, you know, like Spanish red wines and things like that are perfect.

[James Acaster]

I was behind you in a queue at a bar once.

[Danny Dyer]

I wish you.

[James Acaster]

Not directly behind you.

[Danny Dyer]

Right.

[James Acaster]

But I had to give up and come back because you had ordered everyone who was standing at the bar shots.

[Danny Dyer]

Okay. Classic.

[James Acaster]

It was. It was the interval. Went to the O2 to watch someone. They comped kind of everyone down the front. So the. Pretty much the front section was all comps and yes. People that I recognized from different things to you. Whatever. And then there was this little bar for all those people. So in the interval, went there. And I think you were like, right, come on. Shots for all these people. Let's do it. And I. I had to come back. It was taking quite a while for all the shots to get served to all the people at the front of the bar.

[Danny Dyer]

But a free bar.

[James Acaster]

I respected it. I think it was free.

[Danny Dyer]

So I'm giving it a bigger.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, you were giving it the bigger. Yeah, it was your idea.

[Ed Gamble]

What sort. So what sort of lager do you want? What. What particular lager?

[Danny Dyer]

Well, like I said, I do like Estella. I like a strong lager. You know, I feel like. I feel like, you know, that. That the first two gets you on a nice sort of vibe. It's a tipsy, jolly. You know, when you get beyond that gets messy and. But I like Stella. I. It's interesting. Every birthday I get bought beer for me sort of beers from the world. But it'll only still be Stella and Carlsberg. Things like, you know, they're not. They're not really beers in the world, are they? They're just out of any fridge that you go to in any offie.

[Ed Gamble]

But they're all made in the uk.

[James Acaster]

They're all made in the uk, but shout out Northampton.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah, yeah, But I will try any. Any, any. I do like. I got someone bought me a banana stout once. Oh, yeah, it was horrific. But. But it was 16%. Wow. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Banana.

[Danny Dyer]

And I don't know what was. I just. I just couldn't work out that it was like only a hint of Nana in it, really. It wasn't. And it was thick black.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, but I doubt I got rid of it. I thought, I've committed now.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

But, yeah, I was off me nuts afterwards. I mean, I got rid of it quick and it really. I thought, it can't be 17. That's more than a bottle of wine. It was only a can.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So never again. I mean, I wouldn't, you know, we'll try things.

[Ed Gamble]

I've tried those things. Every time we get like a box of stuff where it's like different beers and there's one like, that's 15 or whatever. I'm like, that's interesting. I'll have a go on that. And then two sips and you're like, straight down the sink.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah. See, I can't. I can't bring myself to do that.

[Ed Gamble]

It's like pouring Marmite down the sink though, isn't it? It's just like so thick.

[Danny Dyer]

It's thick. Yeah. If it was 2%. Yeah. You want a ding it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Because it's a naughty thing that's never really been made before. You go, well, I've got to drink this. But why Nana, you know, why. Why would you get involved with the Nana side of it? That was wrong. That was, you know, So I like trying, like anywhere I go, really. I will try any sort of beer or. I don't mind craft owls and all. I'll try a bit of that. You know, the warmer ones, the ones that, no fizzing them, confuse me and all. Yeah. They go down easier, though.

[Ed Gamble]

But it is always confusing when. If you're used to drinking lager and stuff like that. When you have a sip of that and your mouth's ready for the fizz, you know, it's just weird when it's bit warm, flat.

[Danny Dyer]

There's no head on it either. And you'll be like, but I will try it. I will try. Listen, I will eat anything and I will drink anything other than pesto and couscous. So my worst nightmare is pesto flavored couscous.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, obviously. Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It would be awful.

[Ed Gamble]

What do you not like?

[Danny Dyer]

I think I like all the things that make pesto. Which is some sort of nut, is it? What is it?

[Ed Gamble]

Pine nuts.

[Danny Dyer]

Pine nuts. Parsley. Basil. Basil, Basil.

[James Acaster]

Garlic in there.

[Danny Dyer]

Bit of garlic, bit of oil and cheese.

[Ed Gamble]

Parmesan cheese, which is which.

[Danny Dyer]

I love all them things, but I don't like it together.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Danny Dyer]

I think I had a risotto once and I'll tell you where it was. It was the Almeida Theater. And. Yeah. And I'm never. This is. This is awful. And so I've never been able to go. I'll probably be all right of it now, actually.

[James Acaster]

And.

[Danny Dyer]

Couscous. Mouthful of air. He's got no substance, texture. I just don't like it. I don't know the look of it. It's just not about it. It's just the. Is it. It's not rice, Is it. It's not. No, not pasta.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Danny Dyer]

It's not taters.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Danny Dyer]

It's just little bowls of. Just nothingness.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And I just think. I just think. No, not. Not for me. Not for me.

[Ed Gamble]

Goes really well with lamb, I find.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Actually, to be fair, it does go really with delicious.

[Danny Dyer]

Well, if someone done it, I mean, I'd have a mouthful, you know, out of respect for you, but there's no way in the world I'd go out my way for goods.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Danny Dyer]

So other than that, I would eat anything. And I've tried everything. You know, tuna, Spanish. That was a revelation to me in Sicily. It's a. It's a, you know, like. What's the word? Like a delicacy. But it is just tuna spunk. And it looks like brain as well, so it's not very. So I had a bang on that and. All right. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Better than pesto.

[Danny Dyer]

It was all. Yeah, better than pesto. Yeah.

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[James Acaster]

We arrive at your dream dessert, Danny. Well, tuna spunk.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah, maybe. Bit of sugar on it. Well, I've gone for something again. Going back to me youth. Cuz I think food's a lot to do with nostalgia. And it would have to be a Wimpiece. Knickerbocker Glory.

[James Acaster]

Lovely.

[Danny Dyer]

Something that I could never ever attain as a child.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And you know, the rare occasions of my mother, you know, single parent. I get it. It was allowed in Wimpy. We felt posh because you had a. It went like McDonald's. You got a plate and a knife and fork in there. We only have a burger and chips if we were lucky or just a burger.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

But I would look at people in there that got the Knickerbocker glory and thought hell, what a life you lead.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

I mean I can't imagine, you know, I bet you. I bet they were being driven in Bentley's.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So it was aspirational again.

[Ed Gamble]

Like the sparkling water in a way. Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So. And a big fuck off thing, you know, just so many ingredients. It just looks so appealing and just, just so lovely. And so I. I think the idea of being allowed of as many as I want. Now I've been in Wimpy and ages. There's one near me in Loudon.

[Ed Gamble]

It's just.

[Danny Dyer]

I didn't, I didn't know the, the eye and the M doesn't work on the light which is always a worrying it. They've not, they've not replaced the bulbs in there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So you can tell it's hanging on for dear life. It's wimpy, but it's. It's still a out. But there's a bus stop just outside it as well. So that means when I go in there's gonna be people that are going to recognize me. And I was that Sag watching me through the window, eating me Nickelback of Glory on my Own.

[Ed Gamble]

So did you go in there?

[Danny Dyer]

No, I've had to deliver road from there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

But I feel like I should go in there just because they still look the same, didn't they? Still got the bollocky little sort of bonket bits and. Yeah, it's something about a wimpy. I think I do a good chip. Better than McDonald's chips. Now McDonald's. You have to buy salt now, didn't you with your McDonald's chips? Because you're going. Oh no, no. We look after you. We know. So we won't put any salt but you can have six sachets if you want.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And just stand on the, on the, on the McDonald's vibe that, that Mega Mac.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean hell, talk us through the Mega Mac.

[Danny Dyer]

It's free Big Macs at once. Now usually when I get a McDonald's I like to get a burger starter.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Then a Big Mac meal.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You're just a regular one. I won't go crackers.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And maybe six nuggets.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And if I fancy it a nice, nice apple pie. Because then you need to let the apple pie sit then you for a bit because it's a, you know, it's, it's a toll.

[James Acaster]

It's hot.

[Danny Dyer]

So I will start with my burger.

[Ed Gamble]

Like a cheat. Like a cheese jack. Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, just pick it up and smell. The bun still smells the same from the 80s. So I have had. Just because I just. I've got to the. The Mega Man Mac.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Danny Dyer]

But I want it because it also comes with a slice of bacon if you want it.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Danny Dyer]

So I refuse the bacon because, you know, gotta look after your art. So what I'm saying is if I get the Mega Mac meal, I won't start with a burger.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Danny Dyer]

Because then I'm eating sort of seven burgers, which is good. Which if you. Is frightening if you think.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So I'll just go straight Mega Mac large meal.

[Ed Gamble]

Just a simple Mega Mac.

[Danny Dyer]

And it does work.

[James Acaster]

It's.

[Danny Dyer]

It's if you're into that sauce. Because that, you know that Big Mac sauce is a thing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And during lockdown I try to make one. Because we all had a birthday in lockdown, didn't we? We're depressing sort of birthday where you cry and my child had a 13th bless us a biggin. And all we was allowed to do is walk through the woods today. So I tried to make her a Big Mac and I it up because I just couldn't get the buns. You can't get the buns anywhere.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

So I was chopping up buns. I couldn't, you know, because there's buns within the buns and all that sort of stuff. But the salt, which I googled, I made it and then I. But I didn't, I didn't. I didn't read it to the end. You gotta leave it in the fridge for two hours, right? And then it tastes like the sauce. What the. So whatever, whatever you're doing, it needs to sort of stew a bit. And so I learned. So anyway, I asked. Bollocks, it's fine. Anyway. But then I did it again, just because I needed to see. And then after I'd left it in the fridge two hours, it was Big Mac sauce.

[Ed Gamble]

Amazing.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Danny Dyer]

Anyway, she was so depressed that day, that poor kid. I saw her trying to get through this old thing that I'd made her. And so that's why I was a bit down and all, because, you know, I hadn't pulled it out of the bag. And then we got an old Colin, the caterpillar, because all you could get.

[James Acaster]

Made that yourself.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Candles on it? No, no, you know, it's just one of those. We all had it, we all experienced it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, for sure.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, just that, you know, and so. So I did try, I try to be a good dad that day. She still reminds me of it and stuff, but. So, yeah, I think, I think for.

[Ed Gamble]

Me, McDonald's was open though, right?

[Danny Dyer]

No, no, there was a thing where. When it went. When it, when it was allowed to be opened again. Yeah, it was all over. Everyone with crackers. But then you go, oh, what a touch. And then you go to the drive through and it'd be three miles long.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, sure.

[Danny Dyer]

And you go, should we sit in it? Yeah, no, actually, it's worth it. We will sit in this car for three hours.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You know what I mean?

[Danny Dyer]

And then you go and spend. Because I'm caked. Yeah, 80 quid on McDonald's, just get every burger. Just get, you know, 18 fries.

[Ed Gamble]

You're ordering it for the whole.

[Danny Dyer]

We sat there for three hours. So. But I remember it was a thing, it come out and, oh, God, McDonald's is going to be open. You know, that doesn't matter. The world's dying. McDonald's is finally open. So, you know, Wimpy. Wimpy really is a classier affair. But that knickerbocker glory in there and, and, you know, talking like this quite openly and frankly about it makes me want to slip in there to see if they still have it. They also used to do a banana split that came in a dish that was shaped like a nanas.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

And that was fascinating to me. I was never gonna be. That must have been the most expensive thing on the.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, sure.

[Danny Dyer]

And I cut it in half. And then I'd see that they put ice cream on it and then cream.

[Ed Gamble]

And then the cream on the top again.

[Danny Dyer]

Me just looking at the other kids, you know, like Oliver Twist. Yeah. Let me try. A good childhood, by the way. Not digging my mother out, but we were skin. And, you know, it's a bad mad munch that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Split.

[James Acaster]

The first time I've had a banana split. I can't remember, I say with my cousins. I remember that and didn't know banana split was a thing. We all ordered them and they were humongous.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah. Huge.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I've never had one like it since. All the ones like. But like, this one had, like multiple bananas either side. It was like they were. They were like. You know, when the adults. When you're a kid and the adults go, you're not going to finish that.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then you do, and you're polishing.

[Danny Dyer]

Off other people on the top.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it was so good.

[Danny Dyer]

Wow.

[Ed Gamble]

That memory of that chocolate sauce, that sort of like.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I loved it.

[Danny Dyer]

Filth in it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

But there's. There's some sort of nourishment in there. A bit of potassium in there.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's potassium. And they can't get you on that.

[Danny Dyer]

That's what I'm saying.

[Ed Gamble]

That's right.

[James Acaster]

Five a day.

[Danny Dyer]

So I'm assuming there's something good in that nickel, but glory somewhere. So. So, yeah, I think I'll just finish off my meal with a knickerbock with glory.

[Ed Gamble]

Do they bring it with a long spoon?

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I love the long spoon.

[Danny Dyer]

Big, big, naughty.

[James Acaster]

Gotta get to the bottom.

[Ed Gamble]

It's the only thing that. That long spoon's used for.

[Danny Dyer]

It must be. Yeah, it must be. You know what I mean? It's very. It's rare to get through it. I mean, you. There's a lot of. You want to. Because you look at the bottom of it and the bottom is probably the best.

[Ed Gamble]

So there's like fudge in the bottom.

[Danny Dyer]

And as you. As you. But you're mixing it all together, but you just. You're so fucked. By the time you get there, you just. You know, you need to give it to someone else. Unfortunately.

[James Acaster]

I'd read your menu back to you now, Danny. See how you feel about it going in? You would like chilled sparkling water. You would like poppadoms with all the dips. No, no. Salad start a prawn cocktail with some crab sticks to dip in the marrows.

[Ed Gamble]

And lobster in the prawn.

[James Acaster]

And some lobster in the prawn cocktail. Classy main course, a whole leg of roast lamb with all the trimmings. Side dishes, chip shop chips with curry sauce and a paper fork drink. You would like an ice cold lager from the garage around the corner. Dessert, you would like a wimpy knickerbocker glory. I mean, you're smiling.

[Danny Dyer]

It's giving me a lazy lover. Just you reading that back to me.

[Ed Gamble]

That's all we want for our guests.

[Danny Dyer]

So.

[James Acaster]

So you do seem genuinely happy here in that back, which is lovely.

[Danny Dyer]

Good. That's a good day. Yeah. You know what I mean? So I'm happy with that. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you want to enjoy that meal with your family around the table, everyone ignoring each other?

[Danny Dyer]

No, no. So. So my ideal environment.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

In this restaurant would be. And I know this is odd, sitting in front of a telly. And I'll tell you. And I'll tell you what I like to watch. I like to watch. I have a Nigel Slater.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Tom carriage. He's got. I like watching people like James Martin about in France. Right. You know, like, you know, like the preparing of food.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

You know, like something in that for me.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

Like, I like watching. Watching these shows. I think Jamie Oliver did one with about air fryers, you know, eating grub while watching him about. With an air fryer.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

It really appetizing to me. But then, but weirdly, when I've ate it, I turn it off quick. It's like. It's like when you're watching porn and as soon as you've shot your boat, you think, oh, that's disgusting. You sort of disgusted within yourself. You got. Never watched that again, ever. There's that moment after the last mouth was gone. I. I'll get this off, you know, so. So that would. What. I ideally would like to go to this restaurant on my own in front of a nice little telly.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

A bit of. What's his name? A bit of Keith Floyd on.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, he's the old. He's the old.

[Danny Dyer]

He was good when he hit me, you know. Hell, you know, he was pissed up while he was doing it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Danny Dyer]

A bottle of wine. Yeah, about, you know. So, yeah, that's. That's my way, you know, I do like doing that lovely I don't want to watch. I don't want to watch, like, Killing Eve. I want to watch people preparing food.

[Ed Gamble]

And as soon we can do it for you in the Dream Restaurant, where as soon as you swallow the last mouthful, the telly just goes off.

[Danny Dyer]

It just goes off.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. And goes off.

[Danny Dyer]

Puts on a bit of porn.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, sure. Then you can feel disgusted with yourself in another way. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Danny.

[Danny Dyer]

God bless you both.

[James Acaster]

Thank you, Danny.

[Ed Gamble]

Fantastic.

[James Acaster]

Fantastic menu. Menu genuinely one of the happiest I've seen someone look when we've read their menu back to them.

[Ed Gamble]

Delighted.

[James Acaster]

And I think we got a lot more than we bargained for. So many details about Danny's life.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, absolutely. Love that episode. Crucially, with my ropey voice. Didn't have to say a lot.

[James Acaster]

Didn't have to say much. I mean, you know, if people are wondering if Ed was edited out because he kept chiming in with controversial opinions. That did not happen.

[Ed Gamble]

No, didn't happen. Didn't. Didn't need to say anything. You basically just said, what do you want next?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I said dream dessert, Dream starter. Not in that order, but, like, that's all I had to do. Thank you so much, Danny, for making our job easy.

[Ed Gamble]

Fantastic episode. Don't forget to watch Rivals on Disney. That is out now. Go watch it. Sounds brilliant.

[James Acaster]

And he didn't say pig's feet.

[Ed Gamble]

He didn't say pig's feet.

[James Acaster]

He did. He did mention trotters. He's used the word trotters on holiday as well.

[Danny Dyer]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And just for the listener, just so you know, we. I think we were both poised to bring up the David Cameron thing after we said that, but by the time there was a gap, he had moved on to a whole other topic entirely. I thought, it's gonna be ridiculous.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

If I say, hey, you know earlier on you said, you're on holiday with your trotters up.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Isn't that a bit like when you said David Cameron went on holiday, you had his trotters up. I was like, it's irrelevant now.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So we left it. But he may have mentioned trotters, but they weren't on his menu.

[Ed Gamble]

So also, I do want to make that clear to people. Someone can mention the secret ingredient.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

As long as it's not on their menu, then we don't kick them out. People are still confused over this.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. So, I mean, you know, Ed is. Ed is on the socials and. Poor guy, I've abandoned him on there I'll leave him on there high and dry on his own. He gets all of the.

[Ed Gamble]

Actually, Bonito gets most of it, I think.

[James Acaster]

And long may that continue. But Ed gets more than he deserves.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't forget to message Benito saying, I would like a signed chopping board. He'll have to send you one.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, say message Benito. And say, dear Great Benito, if a guest says the secret ingredient but doesn't put it on their menu, that means they are still allowed to stay in the restaurant. I have understood the rule. Please may I have a signed chopping board?

[Ed Gamble]

Benito's cutting all this, is he?

[James Acaster]

Why would he do it? It's funny.

[Ed Gamble]

And don't forget, of course I am back out on tour doing Hot diggity dogs.

[Danny Dyer]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Going all over the place from the end of Sept. Right through to the end of November, including a big show at the London Palladium on November 23. So come along to that and if you want to come and see me film a new special, I will be in Salford at the Salford Lowry doing two nights in January. Come along and watch me do that. It's going to be a sort of mix between this show and the last show. A few extra bits thrown in. I'm very excited about it. Come along if you want to be part of comedy history.

[James Acaster]

And listen, that is special stuff because I don't know if people are aware, but very few comics just do. Back to back one year after the other two completely different shows, both amazing shows, both hilarious. This guy is going to take the best of each of those, put them in one special and film it in one of the country's best venues. You got to get to that. I'm excited for you Ed.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you James. Thank you very much for listening to the off mini podcast. We will see you again next week. Bye bye.

[James Acaster]

Goodbye.

[Danny Dyer]

What a difference a day makes.

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