Ep 271: Olga Koch

Summary

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster - Episode 271: Olga Koch

Released on November 13, 2024

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Introduction and Welcome (02:43 - 05:00)

In Episode 271 of "Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster," the hosts warmly welcome Czech comedian and foodie Olga Koch to their dream restaurant. They express excitement about Olga's presence, highlighting her vibrant personality and passion for culinary delights.

Creating Olga Koch's Dream Menu

The core of the episode revolves around Olga crafting her ideal meal, selecting her favorite dishes across various courses. The conversation is lively, filled with humor and insightful discussions about food preferences and experiences.

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1. Starter: Prawn Cocktail (05:00 - 35:00)

Olga begins by selecting a Prawn Cocktail as her favorite starter. She emphasizes her preference for "massive tiger prawns" served with a red horseradish-heavy cocktail sauce, differentiating it from the typical British versions that use creamy mayo-based sauces.

• Olga Koch (10:22): "I want it in the old-fashioned style, with big prawns and horseradish red sauce."

Ed and James humorously debate the practicality and aesthetics of prawn cocktails, discussing aspects like prawn size and the ideal sauce consistency.

• James Acaster (34:09): "I hate it when they say that, but I'm hoping for everything you just said apart from the mistress thing."

Olga also touches upon the cultural significance of prawn cocktails in Britain, portraying them as symbols of affordable luxury.

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2. Main Course: Lamb from Zanid (35:00 - 50:00)

Transitioning to the main course, Olga shares her journey from being a vegetarian for seven years to rediscovering her love for meat. A pivotal moment for her was dining at Zanid, a Somali restaurant in Whitechapel, where she enjoyed a melt-in-your-mouth lamb dish that profoundly impacted her culinary preferences.

• Olga Koch (48:17): "The lamb at Zanid is one of the most delicious things. It melts in your mouth and speaks for itself."

She reminisces about her grandmother's influence, particularly dishes like bishbarmak from Kazakhstan, blending cultural heritage with personal taste.

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3. Side Dish: Shopska Salad (50:00 - 65:00)

For her side dish, Olga opts for the Shopska Salad, expressing a strong preference for the Bulgarian version over the traditional Greek salad. She praises Bulgaria’s approach of grating feta cheese into the salad, enhancing the texture and flavor integration.

• Olga Koch (60:09): "The Bulgarian Shopska salad grates the feta, allowing every bite to have a little feta treat. It's genius."

Ed and James engage in a playful debate about the merits of the Bulgarian vs. Greek versions, appreciating Olga's culinary insights.

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4. Drink: Black Currant Sparkling Water and Kvass (65:00 - 84:00)

Olga selects Black Currant Sparkling Water as her preferred beverage, admiring its sophisticated packaging and balanced flavor. She also introduces Kvass, a traditional Russian bread drink, commending its unique taste that blends slight sweetness with breadiness.

• Olga Koch (43:40): "Kvass tastes like bread soda. It's subtly sweet and pairs perfectly with any meal."

The conversation delves into the nuances of European sodas and the importance of balancing sweetness in drinks, highlighting Olga’s refined palate.

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5. Dessert: Golden Gay Time Ice Cream Cake (84:00 - 95:00)

For dessert, Olga cannot resist the iconic Australian ice cream, Golden Gay Time. She shares her enthusiasm for its texture and flavor, even boasting about her matching Golden Gay Time tattoos with friends.

• Olga Koch (79:10): "Golden Gay Time is the perfect ice cream. It's a magical symphony of flavors and textures."

The hosts discuss various ice cream experiences, including unique flavors from Australia and personal preferences, cementing Olga’s love for rich, indulgent desserts.

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Additional Anecdotes and Stories

Throughout the episode, Olga shares humorous and heartfelt stories from her childhood, particularly revolving around her grandmother's quirky food-related fear tactics.

• Olga Koch (51:03): "My grandma would say eating too many sweets would make your butthole stick together. It was a form of body horror story to make me eat less."

These anecdotes add depth to Olga's character, showcasing how early experiences shape her current culinary preferences and aversions.

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Banter and Humorous Interactions

The episode is peppered with playful banter between the hosts and Olga. Topics range from the absurdity of eating competitions to the intricacies of grating feta cheese without causing a culinary disaster.

• James Acaster (73:30): "Imagine eating a lamb shoulder with a hydraulic press. That's some next-level cuisine."

Such interactions not only entertain listeners but also highlight the camaraderie and dynamic chemistry among the hosts and guest.

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Closing Remarks

As the episode concludes, Ed and James express their gratitude to Olga for sharing her delightful and adventurous menu. They encourage listeners to check out Olga's upcoming shows and social media for more of her comedic and culinary endeavors.

• James Acaster (86:28): "Thank you so much to Olga for coming in. Do check out Olga's social media for details of gigs she's doing."

The hosts wrap up with their signature humor, leaving listeners both entertained and inspired by Olga Koch's unique approach to creating her dream meal.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Olga Koch (10:22): "I want it in the old-fashioned style, with big prawns and horseradish red sauce."

• James Acaster (34:09): "I hate it when they say that, but I'm hoping for everything you just said apart from the mistress thing."

• Olga Koch (48:17): "The lamb at Zanid is one of the most delicious things. It melts in your mouth and speaks for itself."

• Olga Koch (60:09): "The Bulgarian Shopska salad grates the feta, allowing every bite to have a little feta treat. It's genius."

• Olga Koch (79:10): "Golden Gay Time is the perfect ice cream. It's a magical symphony of flavors and textures."

• Olga Koch (51:03): "My grandma would say eating too many sweets would make your butthole stick together. It was a form of body horror story to make me eat less."

---

Conclusion

Episode 271 featuring Olga Koch offers a delightful blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and passionate discussions about food. From her extravagant starter choices to heartfelt stories from her childhood, Olga provides listeners with an engaging and mouth-watering journey through her culinary preferences. Ed and James adeptly guide the conversation, ensuring an entertaining and insightful experience for all who tune in.

Transcript

[Ed Gamble]

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[James Acaster]

Dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for Career.

[Olga Koch]

Day and said he was a big roas man.

[James Acaster]

Then he told everyone how much he.

[Olga Koch]

Loved calculating his return on ad spend.

[James Acaster]

My friends still laugh at me to this day.

[Olga Koch]

Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn.

[Ed Gamble]

You'Ll be able to reach people who do.

[Olga Koch]

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[Ed Gamble]

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[James Acaster]

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[Ed Gamble]

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[James Acaster]

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[Ed Gamble]

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[James Acaster]

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[Ed Gamble]

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[James Acaster]

Just $15 a month. Give it a [e-mail] Switch $45 upfront.

[Olga Koch]

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[James Acaster]

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[Ed Gamble]

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[James Acaster]

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[Ed Gamble]

To Just A Couple Things.

[Olga Koch]

It's your sister, Jessie Wu. You may know me from Wild N Out, Dish Nation, All Blacks, a la Carte, and so many other platforms. Just A Couple Things is a podcast where we're dishing all things pop culture as well as comedic story times. Give my podcast a follow and make sure that you subscribe. Subscribe so you never miss out on an episode.

[James Acaster]

Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast. Taking the crepe batter of conversation, spreading it thinly across the hot plate of the Internet, adding the ham of humor and the cheese of having A great old time rolling it up and you got yourself a podcast, baby.

[James Acaster]

I love it. When they had that little paddle, that little wooden paddle.

[Ed Gamble]

I was going to introduce the paddle, but I already had too many things to say. It was of the thing of something.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But the paddle was great, man. Watching someone who knows how to do that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Is.

[James Acaster]

It's a beautiful thing, watching someone who doesn't know how to do that. You instantly want to walk away from the counter and not pay.

[Ed Gamble]

Someone get so angry with someone's first day where they're getting all holes in it and stuff and they're having to throw the crepe in the bin with holes in it.

[James Acaster]

Some of the batters raw, man, you go, that's not cooked all the way.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Why are you giving me that?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

That is a gamble. My name is James Acaster. Together we own a dream restaurant. And every single week we invite in a guest and we ask them their favorite ever start a main course, side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, dessert. And this week our guest is Olga Koch.

[Ed Gamble]

Olga Koch is an absolutely amazing comedian, James.

[James Acaster]

Yes. So, so funny. And we've. I mean, it's been. I can't believe it takes this long to get Olga on the podcast, which is embarrassing.

[Ed Gamble]

Very excited to have Olga on. She is very well travele. She is a foodie, as far as I'm aware.

[James Acaster]

Yes. She just come back from being away. Yes. If she wants to talk about that, I'll let. I'm not doing any spoilers.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, no spoilers here. And Olga's new show, Olga Kot Comes From Money, is at London Soho Theatre December 3rd to the 21st. And you can book [e-mail] her last show was called A Prawn Cocktail. I wonder if that's going to come up. But of course, if she says a secret ingredient on which we are pre agreed, she will be removed from the restaurant.

[James Acaster]

Yes. And Benito did suggest we say prawn cocktail because of the name of Olga's show. We've chosen not to.

[Ed Gamble]

I feel like that's setting her up.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Because what if the show's about how much she loves prawn cocktails?

[James Acaster]

If it is, then we're meanies to do that.

[Ed Gamble]

We're meanie Beninis.

[James Acaster]

So instead, the secret ingredient is Buckfast.

[Ed Gamble]

Buckfast. Buckfast. I think it was an audience suggestion on the tour. On the tour. Potentially from one of the Glasgow shows, because obviously Buckfast has a strong cultural link with Scotland. Even though I Think it's made by Benedictine monks, but it's just very popular in Scotland. I've never had it.

[James Acaster]

No, I've never had it.

[Ed Gamble]

I had Buckfast ice cream once, which was very nice.

[James Acaster]

It does sound nice.

[Ed Gamble]

I was scared. I'm scared of Buckfast because it has a reputation of sending people doolally, so I don't want to have it just in case I go bananas.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you're quite a doolally guy sometimes.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm not doolally man. And I don't want to be doolally, so I don't want to drink something that sends me haywire.

[James Acaster]

What's the most doolaly you've ever been? Gone doolally? Sometimes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I've gone doolally, but certain drinks don't agree with certain people, you know?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Buckfast might not agree with you.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it's made by monks.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. So what were they thinking?

[Ed Gamble]

What are they thinking? Do lally. So if Olga says Buckfast, she's out.

[James Acaster]

This is the off menu menu of Olga Cocktail.

[Ed Gamble]

Welcome, Olga, to the Dream Restaurant.

[Olga Koch]

Hi.

[James Acaster]

Welcome, Olga Cock to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.

[Olga Koch]

Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

[Ed Gamble]

Look, we're very excited to have you. We have been expecting you for some time because we had to move this, of course, sadly, because Doctor who said he could come and zoom in.

[Olga Koch]

That's fair. That always happens to me.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you not realize that Olga was supposed to do it, but then Doctor who did it?

[James Acaster]

Really?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I'm sorry, Old.

[Olga Koch]

It always happens. The two of us.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. That's a real shame.

[Ed Gamble]

He does that, doesn't he? He waits to see when you're booked for stuff and then he swoops in in the bloody tardis.

[Olga Koch]

House of Games.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Pointless.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Did you replace. Have you done House of Games?

[Olga Koch]

I have, yes.

[James Acaster]

Right, let's do it. Answer Smash. We weren't Answer Smash on House of Games with off menu.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, we were. We're an answer.

[Olga Koch]

Oh, you were an. You were an answer. Oh, that's exciting. That is exciting.

[James Acaster]

I think so.

[Ed Gamble]

We were an answer on Jeopardy as well. UK Jeopardy.

[Olga Koch]

UK Jeopardy. What's next? New York Times crossword.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, my God. Well, I think we could just quit if we're in the New York Times crossword. I don't think we're the level of highbrow that's needed for the New York Times crossword.

[Olga Koch]

No, sometimes. Sometimes they go a little fun pop culture moment.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe what would you like to be an answer on and what would you like the question to be?

[Olga Koch]

Yes, I don't want to answer. I don't want to say the first thing that came into my mind.

[Ed Gamble]

I think we want you to say that.

[Olga Koch]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I want to be. I want to be everyone's hall pass, obviously.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, right.

[Olga Koch]

I want to be.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So you're. When you're. We were thinking more quiz shows, you've got an answer to a hypothetical question and everyone's answer.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

The question would be, who am I allowed to have sex with?

[Olga Koch]

I want a married couple to be. To be having a row over one of them bringing me up and, like, just turning away from each other.

[Ed Gamble]

But if you're the answer to everyone's whole pass question, then the married couple are both bringing you up, so there's going to be no argument.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Olga Koch]

But then they get jealous of each other because then they'll be like, which one of us is going to get with her?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

As long as I'm being discussed before bed.

[James Acaster]

How do you think people so, like, I mean, I'm assuming.

[Ed Gamble]

So less of an answer smash, More of a smash answer.

[James Acaster]

Oh, there he is.

[Olga Koch]

Now we're cooking with gas. There we go.

[James Acaster]

I'm assuming that most people don't meet their hall pass answers, right? So most of the time when people say you're allowed these three people and then they're never going to meet those people.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, that's why it works as a hypothetical question, Right. If you had a chance of meeting them, then that causes all manner of issues.

[Olga Koch]

You can't be like, you're best friend.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're so sad.

[James Acaster]

But if they do meet, say you were someone's hall pass and they got to meet you, how are they going to go about that? Are they going to straight away get too excited and go, you're one of my hall passes. Yeah, so it's allowed. Let's go have sex now. Or do they. They've got to play the long game, but knowing that they might fail, they might fail to seduce, and then they got to go home and go, oh.

[Olga Koch]

Man, is it lying to me without being transparent, saying, I'm actually married, but I am allowed. This is allowed on the hall pass program.

[Ed Gamble]

That sounds. That sounds like a lie, doesn't it? Absolutely sounds like a lie. Also then, if you do meet your hall pass and they do not want to sleep with you, do you then get a chance to change your hall pass or does it have to remain the same?

[Olga Koch]

I wonder if it has to remain the same. And that's why you want to be strategic. That's why you want that mid level celebrity.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

You got mid level celeb. And I guess you want to be transparent and say, I'm in a relationship, but this is allowed. But then you don't want to freak them out by going specifically you are allowed and that's it. But also you can't lie and say you're in an open relationship, which you're not.

[Olga Koch]

No, no, no, no, no, no. You're very. The openness is very specific. The door is open for one person.

[James Acaster]

I don't feel I could do it if someone said that to me. If someone said, you're my hall pass, I'd be like, sorry, man, sorry. That's creepy.

[Ed Gamble]

Unless the person whose hall pass you are, they're also your hall pass. What a coincidence that would be.

[Olga Koch]

That's the dream.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

And that's how JD Pinkett Smith and Will Smith got together.

[James Acaster]

They were walking down the same hall. Yeah. From that, let's segue into. Are you a foodie?

[Olga Koch]

Absolutely. Yes. I Can I just give some context as to how I got on here?

[James Acaster]

Yes. So I. I mean, you're very good comedian.

[Olga Koch]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. There's guys, that's not why I'm here.

[James Acaster]

I don't want any guests to have to say. I want to let people know how. Why I'm on here.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I want a charity raffle.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. This is why I'm here. Gu.

[Olga Koch]

In the year 2019, I was beginning to date my boyfriend at the time. Not a bad thing to say about him. Great guy. And one of the things, and one of the things that we discussed was each other's ideal off menu. Just as in conversation. That was like a fun conversation we had. We had it. I forgot about it. On my birthday, I receive a gorgeous hand drawn illustration of the entire off menu. And then he takes me to three separate restaurants on the date.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[Olga Koch]

That is the entire off menu.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow, that is lovely.

[James Acaster]

So nice.

[Olga Koch]

He still broke up with me, but.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But to be honest, if I did that for someone, I'd be like, I'm not going to be able to top that. I'm going to break up with him.

[James Acaster]

That's the rule. Yeah. As soon as you know you've done the best thing you can do in the relationship, you got to end it.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah. Every time. Every gift afterwards was like, oh, I book I thought you'd like now.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. No way. No way.

[James Acaster]

Just imagine how that guy would have responded to your whole pass. It's a hand drawn picture of Javier Bardem.

[Ed Gamble]

Did he guess right?

[James Acaster]

Was it bad?

[Olga Koch]

He was. The guy was dating.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. The question is, what was your off menu then? Still your off menu now. Has it changed?

[Olga Koch]

No, it's not. It has changed. I'll say that at the time. I still love all the items on it. I think now I've honed in and gotten more specific. So, like there were things on it that were like, I want an Oreo milkshake. Now I know exactly, exactly where I would get Right. Dessert that I want. It wouldn't just be the concept of it.

[Ed Gamble]

Also, you can't have the exact same menu. Right. Because you know, for future partners, they're going to need something.

[Olga Koch]

They can't be looking at every partner.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, exactly. They can't be looking at that going, well, I can't do an illustration of that. It's already there. We're just going to photocopy something she's already got.

[James Acaster]

That's literally get you the food.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Which you know, that's. And then they'd break up with you as soon as they've done that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Because they can't top it.

[Olga Koch]

I told you a really romantic thing happened to me and what you're saying is I'll end up alone.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Ed Gamble]

Sorry, Olga, you've peaked.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Congratulations. We always start with still or sparkling water. Olga, do you have a preference?

[Olga Koch]

I'm a huge sparkling water aficionado. Oh, I love, I love a San Peli a green O. Partially because it has. It's more or less the same price point as the other sparkling waters. But the graphic design is so luxurious and the green of the plastic of the bottle is just so vip. And I really am passionate about affordable luxury.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. What is the actual design on the label? I'm failing to picture it in my head.

[Olga Koch]

It's just a bunch of Italian words.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. It's fancy.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's affordable luxury, like you say. What I really liked about that is you called yourself out as an aficionado. And I was about to be like, that's the first time anyone's done that. And then you absolutely nailed. You reeled off why you're an aficionado. The color of the bottle, the graphic design. Nothing about the water itself yet.

[Olga Koch]

Look, fonts are free. Why aren't we using the best ones available? That's always my question.

[Ed Gamble]

Very true.

[James Acaster]

Often, if I see a sign for if it's a restaurant or an independent place or whatever, and they just use a font that I'm familiar with on my own free version of Word. I will not go in there. Yeah, I don't. I don't respect it at all.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah. Scroll down the dropdown menu. Just a couple.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. If I look at him, I'm like, that's. That's papyrus. And I'm not papyrus. Verdana, Not Vernon. Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Sometimes I am tempted by shit design and shit fonts, though, because I think the food must be so good that they don't even need to try with the sauce.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

There's a restaurant near me that's. That says it has a private dinning room. And I'm pretty sure that place is great.

[Olga Koch]

The dining is incredible.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, the dinning is incredible. They've not checked with anyone with the spelling. They've gone. The food's amazing. Just bung that up there.

[James Acaster]

But you never been there.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, no, no.

[James Acaster]

Well, you know, you have to go there now and report back to the podcast and say how the dinner experience was.

[Olga Koch]

The fin. Dinning.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

The vindinning. Yeah, I should go, actually. Yeah. But that's because it's like restaurants with good views. You can't trust a restaurant with a good taste.

[Olga Koch]

No, no, no, no. Why are you compensating?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Oh, interesting. I didn't know that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, you get the hell.

[Olga Koch]

If a restaurant has a window, I won't be within a mile.

[Ed Gamble]

Olga only eats in prisons, so would.

[James Acaster]

That be your dream restaurant, Olga? Windowless room? Is that where we're going to find this meal?

[Olga Koch]

Isn't there? There's the one. The space restaurant at Epcot in Disney. That one doesn't have any windows. It has, like, fake screens that make you look. Make it look like you're in space.

[James Acaster]

I literally see him nodding in my peripheral vision.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, you also nodded, Jen. Yeah, but what? The experience.

[James Acaster]

He didn't stop nodding. Ben didn't stop.

[Ed Gamble]

The experience I got was both of them nodding in my peripheral.

[James Acaster]

He didn't stop.

[Ed Gamble]

Because you both know what Olga's talking about. I've got no idea.

[James Acaster]

There's. Well, Olga's just explained it perfectly. Also, you're getting, like, a fake lift.

[Olga Koch]

I think, and then you're taking an elevator into space. And then you arrive and there are windows, but the windows are actually screens and you just see space. And so it's like, oh, we're dining in space.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

So you bet your ass. The Food is terrible.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I would assume that that food is terrible.

[Ed Gamble]

That's bad food. Is it like space food or is it normal food?

[Olga Koch]

Oh, I'm sure they have like astronaut ice cream stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Is it dried patches and stuff? Yeah. I mean, yeah. I can't imagine it being. I mean, my experience of the Disney food was that snack your way around the park. How are we back on this? Go to any of the restaurants for contest. Tell you how we back on this.

[Ed Gamble]

This is the first time. This is one of the first episodes we recorded in a long time. And I can't believe it's taken us only this long to get to Disney. James, go snap your way around the park.

[James Acaster]

Snack your way around the park. The restaurants are overrated. All of them. Don't bother. In fact, you're better off going to the space when at least it's a laugh. You get to look at the space.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

If I speak, we can do. We can do hours on Just Disney.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, you may as well.

[Olga Koch]

I can't do this. I have a pre prepared menu. You can't do this to me.

[James Acaster]

That is true. That's a pre prepared menu. So I don't want to get in the way of that with all the Disney tour.

[Olga Koch]

But you know, but I agree also Disneyland Paris food deplorable, offensive.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, awful. Yeah, I've heard this. No.

[Olga Koch]

No wonder the French hate Disneyland.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. That is mad in France that you managed to have deplorable food in Paris.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that they're doing that passive aggressive. That's, that's deliberately that they are just going like you. We never wanted this park here. You know that. We know how to make food. Eat that. Wankers. Did you find out if it's space food?

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, that is funny. A space pad Thai.

[Olga Koch]

Bonita's just told us that.

[Ed Gamble]

Space pad tie.

[James Acaster]

Good pun.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. It's in space. So everything's space, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, but space pad, is that, is that.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, hold on, hold on. What's space pad?

[James Acaster]

I've convinced myself that that's like a.

[Ed Gamble]

A phrase. I don't think space pad's a phrase.

[James Acaster]

It's not a phrase.

[Olga Koch]

Is it space, like a landing pad?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. So maybe I'm thinking landing pad, but as I said space pad, I was like, no, I don't know if that's a thing.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think space pad's a thing.

[James Acaster]

It made me think it was, you know, Love Disney, man. I love Disney. They told me a space pad was a thing. I believe it.

[Olga Koch]

A sanitary napkin. That works in zero gravity.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

A space pad. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Pop it, absorb bread. Pops or bread, Olga. Cock. Pop it, absorb bread.

[Olga Koch]

Popping arms.

[James Acaster]

Lovely stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, very nice.

[James Acaster]

You can eat those in zero gravity. Easier than bread, maybe.

[Ed Gamble]

What was the illustration like? Because going by our set we had on the live tour, it's quite difficult to do an illustration of a papadom.

[Olga Koch]

It was just three courses. I'm really, really sorry.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay. No, no, no, that's fine. That's fine. That's good.

[James Acaster]

That's enough about him.

[Ed Gamble]

It's. It. It's hard to do an illustration of sparkling water in a papadum.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's very hard.

[Ed Gamble]

It's just bubbles all the way.

[James Acaster]

A massive papadom on set. Like Abe was saying, everyone thought it was the moon.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, that's so good.

[James Acaster]

This an epcot, baby. Yeah, that ain't the moon. That's. That's a papadom. But everyone would say to them, get.

[Olga Koch]

That would be incredible. Like an edible space restaurant you walk through.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that would be good.

[Olga Koch]

Like a Wonka Mo.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I think you're talking yourself into this now, Olga. I think it's gotta be an epcot and you've got an edible moon when you walk in.

[James Acaster]

Are you in a relationship now? You don't have to say yes. If your partner hears this and they're like, okay, so the last guy did the drawing, they're gonna know so much about you from this episode, and they're gonna hear it and be like, I could make the space restaurant for Olga. That's all edible. Maybe not.

[Olga Koch]

I think you underestimate both the feelings that my partner has for me and his resources.

[Ed Gamble]

That would be too much.

[Olga Koch]

I'll bring you a moon and it will.

[Ed Gamble]

I think that would be too much.

[Olga Koch]

For me for a big.

[Ed Gamble]

If someone made me a space restaurant and there was a papadom moon, I'd be like, come on.

[Olga Koch]

Desperate. A bit desperate, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a bit desperate.

[Olga Koch]

Keen.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

If you said it yourself on a podcast, that you would love it.

[Ed Gamble]

Nah, man. Too much.

[Olga Koch]

What would you like? What is your dream restaurant? What's. If.

[Ed Gamble]

We're not here to talk about me, are we?

[Olga Koch]

Okay, but where's the. What's the Wonka walkthrough experience where everything is edible for the dream setting?

[James Acaster]

I mean, the trouble for me is that it is the same as the child in the Chocolate Factory film.

[Olga Koch]

Well, you can't improve on perfection, I guess.

[James Acaster]

But when Gene Wilder's in that place and he eats the cup and all that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that cup Looks horrible, man.

[James Acaster]

There's so much, like, fake facts about that film. And one of them is that that cup is plastic and they still made him eat it.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, well, I mean, given the fact that what they did to Judy Garland back in the day, I feel like all of it's believable. You can tell me. It's like. Yeah, they actually put Mark Hamill in space.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are the papadoms from a specific place then? And is it. Sorry, is it San Pellegrino as your sparkling waters? Is that specifically what you want?

[Olga Koch]

I do love a San Pelle. My parents live in Germany, and in Germany, they like to mix things up. Like they have something called a Spitzi, which is. It's half Coke, half Fanta. They have something called Radler, which they have here, which is a Chandy, where it's beer and lemonade. And they have something called a Shorle, which is when you do half sparkling water, half juice. And you could do like black currant, surely apple Charlie, like an appetizer. And I think there's a sophistication to it that's kind of like it's Schler adjacent. But a Surely would like. It would not be a miss in a martini glass, you know what I mean? And there is. I feel like it's both more sophisticated than a juice and a sparkling water.

[Ed Gamble]

Nice.

[Olga Koch]

And I do. I do like it.

[Ed Gamble]

And you buy that in. In bottles, or you mix your own, or you mix your own, and then.

[Olga Koch]

You get the proportion however you like it. You like.

[Ed Gamble]

Good.

[Olga Koch]

Less sweet, more sweet. I really like the concept. I think it's great.

[James Acaster]

You have that. Your spark from water course.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, I think that's what I'm going for.

[James Acaster]

What juice are you going for?

[Olga Koch]

I'm gonna go black currant. I do love a black currant, Charlie.

[Ed Gamble]

Your parents live in Germany?

[Olga Koch]

They do.

[Ed Gamble]

What a global family we are.

[Olga Koch]

Look, when you're on the run from the Russian government, you can go wherever you want.

[James Acaster]

Apart from Russia, bleep.

[Ed Gamble]

Where they live. Bonita.

[James Acaster]

I've had that. Half Coca Cola, half Fanta.

[Olga Koch]

It's wild.

[James Acaster]

Not as nice as I thought it would be. I got very excited about it.

[Olga Koch]

They bottle it. That's crazy. Like, they don't even. It's not just something you make at a bar. Like, it's a drink in and of itself.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Was it called. Is it start with an M or something?

[Olga Koch]

Was it Metomix?

[James Acaster]

Right. Yeah, I was for. I really, like, built myself up for like, three days. I'm gonna get that Next time I'm gonna get it. And now I wouldn't get it. I'd wimp out and get what was familiar to me, which was Diet Cokes.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Do you.

[Olga Koch]

How do you guys feel about European soda? Like a. Like an Orangina?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Love Orangina. I mean, that's just. There's a real nostalgia for Orangina, though. And the bottle's the shape of an orange. You can't fuck with it.

[Olga Koch]

It's good. It's good stuff. Again, sophisticated bottle.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, really sophisticated, affordable, luxury.

[Olga Koch]

We're back at it.

[Ed Gamble]

That, to me, is like holidays when I'm a kid. Like being. Being around a swimming pool or something. Having an Orangina, a cold orange baby.

[James Acaster]

I wouldn't like the bits in it.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Olga Koch]

I think that makes it. That gives the illusion of health, which I enjoy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Oh, that's. That's good. Yeah, I guess you didn't.

[Ed Gamble]

Of course you didn't like bits. When you're. Of course, you're one of those kids. Little pale kid who didn't eat bits.

[James Acaster]

I had to eat bits all the time. Made to eat bits.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Because it would be a healthy boy.

[James Acaster]

My mum got us yogurts with bits in it and, like, fruit juice with bits. I was like, I don't like bits. She's like, well, bad luck.

[Ed Gamble]

Were you a crust soft kid as well?

[James Acaster]

I wish. There's no way I could have got away with that shit. I had to have the crusts.

[Ed Gamble]

Smooth peanut butter.

[James Acaster]

No, crunchy peanut butter every time. Even though I would have preferred smooth.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, of course you would have preferred smooth. Okay.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Olga Koch]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

Yep. It was just like my goddamn life, man. And I hated bits when I was an adult. I was like, I'm never doing bits again. And I haven't.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you not.

[James Acaster]

I will not do fruit juice with bits.

[Olga Koch]

Like a fresh. Like a fresh orange juice.

[James Acaster]

Look, I will grin and bear it, but I don't want it to feel like. It feels like someone's emptied a bag of pencil shavings in my goddamn drink. I hate it.

[Ed Gamble]

This is bizarre, man.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Ed Gamble]

But you gotta go bits, right?

[James Acaster]

There'll be people saluting their texture.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

No, no, no. I don't like that yogurt. I can hack the bits a little bit more, but I don't like it when there's, like, the pulpy strawberry. Horrible. Like.

[Olga Koch]

So you're in German. Just purely flavor. You're not a texture guy.

[James Acaster]

I love texture. In the right. Good texture. Those aren't good textures. Those aren't good Textures.

[Olga Koch]

Bubble tea.

[James Acaster]

I actually haven't done bubble tea, but I. Which I can't believe. I've not done bubble tea yet. I've not drunk bubble tea, but I would like that. The tapioca pearls.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. That's nice.

[Ed Gamble]

That's bits, though, man.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, but they're like, fun bits, and they're not. They're not like. They're not bits that feel like waste product. Yeah, the strawberry pulpy stuff is like. It's like.

[Ed Gamble]

What strawberry pulpy stuff?

[James Acaster]

Are you talking about these.

[Olga Koch]

Okay. Yogurt.

[James Acaster]

Like when you get. When you get yogurt that got bits of strawberry in it. Just dislike.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you mean a compote?

[James Acaster]

No, no, that's different. I love that. But, like, I mean, when it's all mixed together already and you just open it and there's like, pips in there knocking around.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And like. And bits of pulpy strawberry. That's like. It feels like someone's like. Like someone's skin.

[Ed Gamble]

I think this is more revealing than you realize it.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, that's a huge leap.

[James Acaster]

No, no, no.

[Olga Koch]

Speak more on that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Like, bits of people. Maybe that's in my head because I watched the sight of the snow last night and they. Each other in that, right? Yeah, I think so, maybe.

[Olga Koch]

Oh, is that the one with the team that gets strained in the mountains? Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Great film.

[Ed Gamble]

But they don't put each other in yoghurt, do they?

[James Acaster]

Well, kind of. They put each other in ice and eat the ice to help it go down. So I guess if there was yogurt available, they would have. Actually, they probably wouldn't have eaten each.

[Ed Gamble]

Other if there was yogurt available.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

We've got enough yogurt to last us six months. All right, we're gonna have to start eating each other and putting it in the yogurt. Hang on, hang on, Terry.

[James Acaster]

Anyway, this isn't about whether I like bits or not. This is August Dream menu.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

I love the black currant sparkling water. The papadoms. Are they from anywhere particular?

[Olga Koch]

Well, I. Okay. Am I 31 years old? Yes. Am I a white woman? Also? Yes. Will I just be bringing up my recent trip to India?

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Olga Koch]

Also.

[Ed Gamble]

We should get all our guests to list their age, race, and gender before the podcast starts.

[James Acaster]

Yes. We've never done that. But some people don't even know who we. Anything about us, Ed.

[Ed Gamble]

I think they could take a fair shot.

[James Acaster]

No, no, no. Good luck. Tweet your answers to Benito and guess. Guess mine and Ed's race, gender, and age. Just guess. And don't Google us.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't Google us. No way. Don't look at the photo.

[Olga Koch]

Am I correct? And understand that I could do my own bread. That doesn't have to be those two things.

[James Acaster]

What do you mean?

[Ed Gamble]

What do you mean?

[Olga Koch]

I have a very specific dosa in mind that I would like as my bread course.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah, of course. I thought you were in papadom.

[Olga Koch]

Well, of the two, I would choose papadoms. But if I could do my own bread course, it would be a very specific dosa from a very specific restaurant.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, you can do that for sure.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So you say having papadoms.

[Olga Koch]

Ben is writing furiously. He's emailing my agent.

[Ed Gamble]

So you saying poppadoms or bread? Your choice is poppadoms. But then you're inserting an extra bread course.

[James Acaster]

But I think what you're saying is you wouldn't like either of those. You would like.

[Ed Gamble]

If I had the option, you would like dosa?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah, Absolutely.

[Olga Koch]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, 100% absolutely.

[James Acaster]

It should be dosa.

[Olga Koch]

Okay. But it's a very specific dosa.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

So I just went to the city of Bengaluru for the first time in my life and there they have like a tradition of South Indian breakfast, which is a very set thing. I don't assume that you know or don't know what it is and I apologize either way. Am I a white 31 year old woman who's about to explain Indian food?

[Ed Gamble]

Does let them know we're not Indian, but that's fine, you can tick that off the list.

[James Acaster]

Well, we didn't say one. No.

[Olga Koch]

Maybe you're from a different region. Yes, true, actually. So essentially it's always the South Indian filter coffee, which is just like milky and sweet and delicious. And then they have the like fermented rice dough that they make different things out of, so they make doses out of it. They make like little donuts called vada. They make idlis, which are like steamed pancakes. But at this place called CTR in Bengaluru, which is the central tiffin room, they make a butter dosa that is so big but also so shiny because of the ghee that they put on it. You could see your own reflection.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, mirror bread.

[Olga Koch]

It is. The only thing that can make bread better is if I could see my own reflection.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I'd say for me, the first reflection I'd be like, this is brilliant. I can see my own face, my delighted face, if it's massive. About halfway through I'm going, I don't Want to see myself? This is awful.

[James Acaster]

You have to very tactically eat bits.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But you were like, that's. That bit's going to look bad as we go on. So I'll get rid of that bit first.

[Ed Gamble]

That sounds incredible.

[Olga Koch]

It's fucking heavenly.

[Ed Gamble]

Also, I really like any description of food that starts with how big it is. It is big.

[Olga Koch]

It's huge. What does it taste like? It's giant.

[Ed Gamble]

It tastes massive.

[Olga Koch]

And so one side of it is really, really crispy. And because they put so much ghee on it, it is, like reflective. But the. But they don't flip it because in a lot of places they flip it. And the key at CTR is that they don't flip it. So the side is quite chewy. So you got both textures. It's. It's unreal.

[James Acaster]

See, those textures are like. It's chewy and crispy.

[Olga Koch]

And then the. It's. It's fermented, so it's bubbly. So it's a little bit sour. It's. Oh, God, man. Even talking about.

[James Acaster]

Do you have anything on it? You.

[Olga Koch]

There's like, if you do, like the masala one that you. They put potato inside of it, like a little mash. But obviously delicious. Yeah. Not just plain and gray. But honestly, I could just. Because the fact that you can. You could. Oh, God, sorry. You could crack pieces off of it because it's crispy, but then some of it are chewy and there you tear them apart. And the fact that it's all just a symphony of textures in one single dosa and you're looking at yourself the entire time. Don't forget that. It's.

[Ed Gamble]

That's great.

[Olga Koch]

It's. It's just.

[Ed Gamble]

How. How big are we talking?

[Olga Koch]

Do you want to see a picture?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

On this, I mean, on the visual.

[Ed Gamble]

Medium, are you sharing it with someone? Are you both in the mirror?

[Olga Koch]

You're getting your own. Yeah. Yeah, you're getting your own. Because that's. That's your breakfast. You decide. You kind of decide on which format of the dough you want. Do you want the pancake? Do you want the donut? Do you want the dosa?

[James Acaster]

Does it have to be on a table or.

[Olga Koch]

Where are you going with this?

[James Acaster]

I would like an angle that if I'm looking up at it, I look pretty fit and cool. Whereas, like, if, like a rear view mirror below me and I'm looking down, that's my worst angle. I'm not gonna look good. I'm not gonna feel good about myself, but I'd rather Like, if I was, like, laying on, like, a sunbed or something, like a dentist chair, and it's, like, over me, and I can eat it from the ceiling.

[Ed Gamble]

So you saying that you think you look fittest when you're at the dentist?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Who doesn't? You kidding me? I was at the dentist recently.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, here we go.

[James Acaster]

And the window was open, and it was a proper, like, you know, they were having to really get in there. There's, like, you know, a cavity that they were having to basically put a filling in. In the back.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Really hardcore stuff. And while it was happening, a man was mugged outside. And we heard. We heard the whole. We heard the entire thing. What? And the man was so descriptive. It was like it was in a radio play. And they had to convey the mugging. He was like, going, no, wait, stop.

[Ed Gamble]

I've been mugged.

[James Acaster]

He has mugged me. Stop that man. He has my belongings. I've been mugged. And it was, like, really, like, detailed like that.

[Olga Koch]

I thought you stolen. He's wearing a hat.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. It was properly, like.

[Ed Gamble]

I thought you were going to say you were the only one who could see it happening.

[James Acaster]

So you go, Jake, please, Mr. Raycaster, stay still. No, no. We all heard it and had to not acknowledge it because obviously the dentist was like, this is a really tricky. Because it was like the hole in. It's right at the back of my tooth. And he was like, this is going to be really difficult. You're going to have to stay really still. It's going to be really hard, and. Sorry, it's going to be uncomfortable. So while it was happening, then at the end of it all, I said, did a man get mugged during that? And he was like, yes, he did. I heard the man get mugged. And everyone had to admit that we all heard the man get mugged, but had to just carry on, did nothing. Yeah, we had to just carry on and just let it happen.

[Ed Gamble]

Then you go out, the man's in the waiting room with three missing teeth.

[Olga Koch]

How bad would the crime have. Would have to be in order for you guys to stop?

[James Acaster]

To stop it? Yeah. I mean, help.

[Ed Gamble]

I've been murdered.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I need an ambulance right now. I think that was when I'd have to go, okay, guys, come on, let's get out my mouth. Let's. Let's. Let's help this man get out of my mouth. But as it was, we're like, that guy sounds like he can afford it. Whatever they've stolen from him.

[Ed Gamble]

Stop over in Qatar and enjoy pristine beaches and vibrant souks. Relax in a 5 star hotel from just $48 per night. Go to visit qatar.comstopover Terms apply bring the magic to every holiday gathering with.

[James Acaster]

Help from Whole Foods Market.

[Ed Gamble]

Decorate the table with their vibrant winter wonder arrangement which also makes a great.

[James Acaster]

Host gift preparing the big meal.

[Ed Gamble]

Find great sales on no Antibiotics Ever New York strip steak and their new organic spiral cut bone in ham.

[Olga Koch]

Want some help in the kitchen?

[Ed Gamble]

Order [e-mail] Make Whole Foods Market your holiday party headquarters.

[Olga Koch]

Terms apply.

[Ed Gamble]

If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered. Summer runs or playoff season meditations. Whatever your vibe, Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you. We know how life goes. New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need whenever you need it. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton Visit onepeleton.com My dad works in B2B marketing.

[James Acaster]

He came by my school for Career.

[Olga Koch]

Day and said he was a big roas man.

[James Acaster]

Then he told everyone how much he.

[Olga Koch]

Loved calculating his return on ad spend.

[James Acaster]

My friends still laugh at me to this day.

[Olga Koch]

Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn.

[Ed Gamble]

You'Ll be able to reach people who do.

[Olga Koch]

Get a hundred dollar credit on your next ad campaign.

[Ed Gamble]

Go to LinkedIn.com results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn the place to be to be.

[James Acaster]

Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds.

[Ed Gamble]

At Mint Mobile, we like to do the opposite of what big wireless does.

[James Acaster]

They charge you a lot. We charge you a little.

[Ed Gamble]

So naturally, when they announced they'd be raising their prices due to inflation, we.

[James Acaster]

Decided to deflate our prices due to not hating you. That's right.

[Ed Gamble]

We're cutting the price of mint unlimited.

[James Acaster]

From $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.comswitch.

[Olga Koch]

$45 upfront payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only taxes and fees. Extra Speed slower above 40 gigabytes.

[James Acaster]

See details. Your dream starter okay, my dream starter.

[Olga Koch]

And it is not because I'm currently touring a show called Prawn Cocktail, but it is 100% a prawn cocktail.

[Ed Gamble]

Wowzers.

[James Acaster]

Benito was lobbying to make the secret ingredient prawn cocktail for your episode.

[Olga Koch]

Oh yeah.

[James Acaster]

And yeah, we vetoed it because I.

[Ed Gamble]

Suspected it might come up.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, and you were correct.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Well, I didn't know that you liked prawn cocktail, but I knew your show was called Prawn Cocktail. But you've also now talked about loving affordable luxury. And I feel like a prawn cocktail plays into affordable luxury.

[Olga Koch]

Yes, it's very, very fancy. I remember May Martin used to do a bit about how as a kid, you think that the fanciest thing ever is a prawn cocktail. And I do think it's true. There's like a refinement to it. Like an 80s sort of cigar lounge. Yeah, there's something in it. You're cheating on your wife and the mistress orders.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, I'm not.

[Olga Koch]

Cocktail.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Olga Koch]

It's a hall pass.

[James Acaster]

Come on, live a little. So for this course, would you like there to be cigar smoke in the air and you're cheating on your wife?

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, I wanted, like the proper 80s. I don't like the European British cocktail sauce, like the one that's mayo. I like the horseradish red one that they served in America.

[Ed Gamble]

Right, okay.

[Olga Koch]

The very big tiger prawns. I want it in, like the old fashioned, almost like the ice cream. You know what I'm talking about?

[Ed Gamble]

Because I think we've had people say prawn cocktail before, but I think it's British people and it's more of a patriotic thing where they're like, I love the UK prawn cocktail with a tiny.

[Olga Koch]

Little, Tiny little mayonnaise.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, the tiny little ones. Yeah. Horrible little. Horrible little shrimps.

[James Acaster]

I hate it when they say that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

I want it huge. I want them huge. I want the tails to still be on. I want to grab them by the tails. I want to submerge and drench them in the sort of the tomato horseradish sauce. And then I want to feed it to my mistress.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. This is so much better than my. So many times when people pick prawn cocktail, I'm like, let's get into it. And I'm hoping for everything you just said apart from the mistress thing. But, like, I'm like, I want the prawns to be massive. I want it to be that kind of sauce. I want it to be in the, like, sundae glass.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And it never is. They're always like, just a little dish with like, really shit lettuce and really tiny little prawns with that, like, mayo kind of like tomato ketchup mix thing. I don't know. Don't even know what it is. Whatever it is, I don't care. And then all of that, and it's going. This reminds me growing up in the 70s, thinking like, you should not.

[Olga Koch]

The British industrial food complex is just based on nostalgia alone.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Olga Koch]

There's no flavor, there's no creativity. There, I said it. I. It's impossible. And the thing is, I am now a British citizen. I have a British passport. I need to be. I kind of feel like this is my home. But I did not eat potato smiley faces in my school because I grew up in Russia.

[James Acaster]

What were the faces like?

[Ed Gamble]

Faces?

[Olga Koch]

They were.

[James Acaster]

They were smiling, but they weren't really happy. They were told. They were told to smile.

[Ed Gamble]

They were potato, grin and berets.

[Olga Koch]

They were reporting you to the kgb.

[James Acaster]

And it was the kgb, the Alphabet spaghetti.

[Olga Koch]

There's only the three letters.

[James Acaster]

Love it. Love it.

[Ed Gamble]

That's good stuff.

[James Acaster]

Good Russian. Russian food jokes.

[Olga Koch]

I'd also say it's very impressive whenever. You see. I've never been to an event like that, but maybe one day, fingers crossed, maybe at my wedding, you. And it's. I want. I love the idea of, like, the huge. Huge. I wouldn't even. I don't even know how to describe it. It would be like a. Almost like a fountain filled with ice. And you know when people just grab the prawns or the shrimp off the. Off the ice?

[James Acaster]

Oh, God, yeah. That's great.

[Olga Koch]

It's like. It's like a buffet, but it's just ice covered in giant tiger prawns.

[James Acaster]

And would you want, like, a moat around it of the sauce?

[Ed Gamble]

Of the sauce?

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it is. The whole thing is a recreation of the Carcassonne cats.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, probably. If it is your wedding. Probably a bit difficult to feed that to your mistress in plain sight.

[Ed Gamble]

Would you want the sauce coming out like a chocolate fountain?

[Olga Koch]

Can you imagine? And then you could just hold it under. Oh, my God, that sauce.

[Ed Gamble]

Is it like. It's like tomato. It's like cocktail sauce, right? They call it.

[Olga Koch]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

So it's like.

[Olga Koch]

It's very horseradish heavy.

[Ed Gamble]

It's very horseradish heavy because I had it a lot when I was in the States a couple of years ago, and sometimes it's almost too punishing for me. Oh, it gets in your nose.

[Olga Koch]

Yes, yes. That's what horseradish does.

[Ed Gamble]

Truly.

[Olga Koch]

So I grew up. My mom's party trick, when she, like, was at a dinner party, I remember growing up, and, like, things were kind of maybe dying down, she was like, let's do this. To get the party back going, she would propose to have either a mustard or a horseradish eating competition. So she challenged the biggest guy at the dinner party and be like, I bet I could eat more horseradish than you. And the guys would be in tears, and she would never shed a tear. And I would be like, oh, mom, you're the coolest girl ever.

[Ed Gamble]

That's so funny. Every time we arrive, the atmosphere's dropping.

[Olga Koch]

People are leaving.

[Ed Gamble]

All right, what's gonna make people stay?

[James Acaster]

Biggest guy at the party.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

This poor guy doesn't wanna do it. Yay, big fella. Oh, God damn it.

[Ed Gamble]

Even though size has absolutely nothing to do with tolerance for horseradish.

[Olga Koch]

But it was more impressive the bigger the guy.

[Ed Gamble]

It was.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, she would just eat it with a spoon. And so I come from a horseradish.

[James Acaster]

Forward family, do that. Do you think you could.

[Olga Koch]

I don't think I could. I don't think I could beat my mom. But I do think I have a higher tolerance than a lot of people.

[James Acaster]

What condiment do you think you could eat the most of? Just.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, just with a spoon.

[James Acaster]

Just. Just with a spoon. Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

So glad you asked.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Olga Koch]

I want to say garlic mayo from, like, any kebab shop.

[James Acaster]

Oh, that's good.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

Like, I want it in the big thing with the. With a squeezy at the top.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Straight in the mouth or into.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, yeah, straight into. Someone's just stepping on it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's a good answer because it is very.

[Olga Koch]

What's yours?

[James Acaster]

I mean, now it's hard to not just say that because we counting pesto.

[Ed Gamble]

As a condiment yeah, yeah, that's.

[Olga Koch]

That's your nightmare. That's just bits.

[James Acaster]

No, I love that. Yeah, that should be.

[Ed Gamble]

That's 100% bits.

[James Acaster]

Maybe it's just anything I had as a child that had bits in it.

[Ed Gamble]

I can eat pesto from the jar. Like a big yogurt.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

100% pine nut forward with, like, pine nut, pine nuts. Yeah. Big load of cheese in there as well. Just like really oily as well. Oh, no, I got a new one. Oh, Laoga mar chili oil.

[Olga Koch]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

We go through that in our house. I can eat that. I genuinely eat that from the gym.

[Olga Koch]

Wouldn't be too spicy?

[Ed Gamble]

No, it's not too spicy. It's like salty as well. It's sweet. And it's mainly bits. It's the crispy chili bits in chili oil where I've just bought a 700 gram jar of it.

[Olga Koch]

Lots of balance as well, because it's giving you. It's not just One flavor.

[Ed Gamble]

It's every flavor you need. That goes on everything, James.

[James Acaster]

I guess sour cream sauce. Like the dip. Sour cream dip.

[Ed Gamble]

Would you not feel ill immediately after eating a few spoons of sour cream dip?

[Olga Koch]

You could just, I guess, imagine it's yogurt.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah. It's very tasty. I could do that. I mean, and we know that in the past. I've eaten a whole jar with salted caramel sauce before.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's true. But that was. You were angry when you did that.

[James Acaster]

I was very cross. I was sticking it to an axe.

[Olga Koch]

Oh.

[James Acaster]

Making sure she couldn't have any of it. When I was cleaning my stuff out the house, I was like, bad luck. You ain't getting any in that sort of camera that I brought.

[Olga Koch]

Oh, and you leave the empty.

[James Acaster]

Like the day before we split up, then she broke up me. I'm like, oh, God, leave this jar behind. She's gonna reap the rewards of that. Not on my watch.

[Ed Gamble]

Not on your watch, but also not on your watch. Was just taking it with you. You stood in the kitchen.

[James Acaster]

I didn't want it to, like, lose.

[Olga Koch]

Its form, you know, with like, cookie or nothing.

[James Acaster]

Just straight on its own. Just with a spoon. I thought, I'm allowed to do this now. Calories don't count. I'm grieving a relationship.

[Olga Koch]

You really showed her.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I didn't show her.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you think?

[James Acaster]

I don't think she noticed. I mean, I hope that she'll listen to this podcast, but I don't think she's a fan of mine.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a good question. Man. What condiment could you eat the most of just with a spoon?

[Olga Koch]

I also don't know if frosting counts, but I do remember at my peak, sort of 15 year old, because, you know, I don't know what your relationship with food was when you were teenagers, but it was for me. For me, it was like a competitive sport. And so it's like three sleeves of Oreos. Let's go. And I would like my, I guess, party trick maybe now that I'm saying this is it runs in the family. Betty Crocker chocolate icing, but like a.

[Ed Gamble]

Pot, like a pop.

[James Acaster]

Biggest guy in the school.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You, me, a Betty Crocker outside.

[Ed Gamble]

We used to go to a pub that served half pint glasses full of wasabi peas. And my party trick was downing a half pint of wasabi peas.

[Olga Koch]

Oh, my God. But wouldn't it get dry the throw really bad?

[Ed Gamble]

That's like a cinnamon toasty. And it's right in my nose and I'm crying.

[James Acaster]

The man who said that.

[Olga Koch]

Who's challenging. You bet. You bet.

[Ed Gamble]

I would be like, well, nearly last orders. I feel like the atmos is dropping off. I want to go on somewhere else. Half a bun of wasabi peas, please, barkeep. And I was the biggest guy in there, so I had to challenge myself to do it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you bitch. So your mom never lost though?

[Olga Koch]

Never. No, she's amazing. She's. She's amazing. Also, really sad thing happened that, like, also one of her things is that, like, she has a really good sense of smell. I. She's a very eccentric lady. She can like, identify anyone's perfume. Everyone always is, like, because her nose.

[Ed Gamble]

Is so open all of the time with a horse.

[Olga Koch]

And so she. She can, like, she can smell identify absolutely anything. It's amazing. It's incredible. Also was a nightmare because it's like, she obviously could tell if you were like, out drinking when it. As a teenager. And so after Covid, she lost her sense of smell. She still hasn't gotten it back, and now it's like she literally had an identity crisis. Yeah, she was like, I'm not using deodorant anymore. Fuck you guys. Yeah, it was really, really sad. And now she's like, kind of reinventing herself because she can. She. Who is she without her sense of smell?

[Ed Gamble]

But can she take more horseradish now, I wonder. She could take that show on the road. She could be like one of those competitors.

[Olga Koch]

She could be my opening.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Olga Koch]

Cause a prawn cocktail opener. Can you imagine just eating the cocktail sauce? Fuck, that would be so cool.

[Ed Gamble]

Before I do the show, guys, this is my mum. She's gonna eat. She's gonna eat her bucket of cocktail sauce.

[James Acaster]

She doesn't wear deodorant. Fair warning. She fucking stinks. So everyone get ready for this front row, apologize.

[Olga Koch]

Oh, also, can I. Oh, God, I'm already forgetting so many things.

[James Acaster]

Apology. Hey, it's our fault.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, there's just. Just a couple more things. Can I just throw into the bread course? There's also. Are you guys familiar? We're going back. Are you guys familiar with the Russian drink kvas?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Olga Koch]

It is a bread drink and it tastes like bread. And it's like, imagine a non alcoholic beer that's not bitter. It's a bread drink. So it's a. It's a soda.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, but it tastes like bread. Wow, that shit's amazing.

[James Acaster]

I can't imagine it.

[Olga Koch]

Okay, so you ever. Have you ever seen a Sourdough starter.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Olga Koch]

Imagine that as a drink. Imagine diluting it with sparkling water. I'm not selling it.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, is it sweet? Is it sweet?

[Olga Koch]

It's ever so slightly sweet. It's not. It's not. It just tastes like bread. It's delicious.

[James Acaster]

So you would like that with your bread course?

[Olga Koch]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

With your dosa. That's fair enough.

[Olga Koch]

I think that would be quite.

[Ed Gamble]

And it's fizzy.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It sounds made up from a kid.

[Olga Koch]

It's like bread soda. Well, you know when you taste cream soda and you're like, how are they making it taste like dairy when there's no dairy in it? It's a sort of. Your brain does have to adjust to be like, this is liquid bread. I don't quite get it. But then once you're on board, you can't stop drinking.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I'd be totally on board with that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I can tell. He was. As soon as you said it, I was like, I think he's expressed a desire for this to exist in the world in the past. I think I've heard you say, you.

[Olga Koch]

Gotta check it out.

[Ed Gamble]

Fizzy bread drink.

[Olga Koch]

And I'm also really passionate about soft drinks that aren't too sweet or sweet at all. So that's why I do love a diluted juice. More sophisticated for the palate. And I. I do think Kvass is in that sweet spot where it's not there with the Cokes. If anything, it's chilling with the tonics.

[James Acaster]

Chilling with the tonics.

[Ed Gamble]

Would you ever put a mixer in kvass?

[Olga Koch]

You could, yeah. I don't know. What liquor would taste good with bread.

[Ed Gamble]

Some sort of butter.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Some sort of buttered liquor.

[James Acaster]

Butter drink. Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

Ooh, like a Frangelico.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

Or like a Bailey's Frangelico. I bet a Bailey's would taste delicious.

[Ed Gamble]

Bailey's does tend to curdle when bubbles are introduced.

[James Acaster]

This is true.

[Olga Koch]

This is true.

[James Acaster]

With a cream soda. No.

[Olga Koch]

What would you put in a cream soda? You'd put a whiskey in there, surely.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

A whiskey cream soda would be delicious.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, God. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I started making a new whiskey cocktail recently. Drink it all the time. I've had to stop. I would stop. I was having it every time I watched the Traitors, I'd have this whiskey cocktail.

[Olga Koch]

What's. What's in it?

[James Acaster]

Beetroot juice.

[Olga Koch]

For a guy who hates bits.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He loves beets, though.

[James Acaster]

No bits of beetroot in it. Yeah, Beetroot juice.

[Olga Koch]

Beetroot juice.

[James Acaster]

And I didn't have all the Ingredients, so I had to sub some of them. So I got the grenadine syrup instead of beetroot syrup with the beetroot. So beetroot juice, grenadine syrup.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Bitters, whiskey, and rose Ava move. Really? I just. I saw that I had rose Ava move, and then I Googled what cocktails I could make with that.

[Ed Gamble]

But you've added the grenadine, right? The grenadine's new. So this is a new cocktail. You've invented a cocktail.

[James Acaster]

I've invented cocktail. Also, sometimes I add in some ginger. Ginger shot stuff in my fridge.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So I just started bugging that in as well. It was quite nice. So I've added that to it.

[Olga Koch]

So it's, like, healthy also.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's really, really healthy. And because I was drinking it while watching the Traitors, I started calling them, you know, faithfuls.

[Ed Gamble]

That's good.

[Olga Koch]

That's really, really, really good.

[James Acaster]

And got a few of my friends into them. But, yeah, now that the Traitors has finished, I've had to be like that. That's got to be the full stop on that, man. You can't keep drinking those.

[Olga Koch]

But it's your five a day.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. If it feels a bit mad. It feels. It feels be drinking them all the time. I was like, you know, the big Lebowski with White Russians. I felt like, no offense. I felt like that with. With this. I was like, I'm drinking these too much. I've got to. Got to stop having them, you know, three times a week. I'll probably have two during the Traitors.

[Olga Koch]

You know, when you see it, when you think of someone having a drinking problem, you don't picture them drinking beetroot juice at any point.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, but that's the thing, is that lying to yourself with that go. No, it's not. It's not. It's fine. I'm making the whole cocktail. This is. Okay. This isn't a problem. You know, like, you've had six of these this week because of how often.

[Ed Gamble]

Traces are three times a week.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

Do you think that's how Shirley Temple felt when she was drinking all those. All that grenadine?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

Bottle after bottle.

[James Acaster]

That's exactly how she felt. I know exactly how Shirley Temple film. So, yeah, I mean, I'd recommend it to people. It's a delicious cocktail.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

The Faithful.

[Ed Gamble]

The Faithful.

[James Acaster]

Your dream. Main course.

[Olga Koch]

Main course. Okay, so I didn't eat meat for about seven years for no other reason than I just, like, dared myself not to. And so I didn't. And then I think last year I had this moment where I was like, why am I not eating meat? I have no reason not to. So I jumped back in. I'd say one of the most formative experience of jumping back in was I was eating at the Ritz restaurant and they brought out something called a duck press, which was absolutely nuts. Are you familiar with duck press?

[Ed Gamble]

I am. Please describe it.

[Olga Koch]

So it's a very fancy metal contraption. It puts tremendous pressure onto cooked duck bones, then extracts a liquid and then turns that liquid into a sauce.

[James Acaster]

What the.

[Olga Koch]

So I'm trying to say I went from not eating meat at all to saying meat isn't enough, Juice the bones.

[Ed Gamble]

Juice the ducks, juice the bones, wheel out the torture equipment and juice those bones.

[Olga Koch]

But also what was really exciting after not eating meat for seven, eight years was I got to eat all the basic meats as if for the first time. So I'd be eating spag bol and be like, this is incredible, because my mouth forgot it. Like eating fried chicken for the first time in eight years. It just blew my fricking mind.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you now, when you were doing this, when you were going on this meat exploration, the rediscovery of all the basic meats, did you make sure to pick the best, A good version of each one, or were you just like, get it in?

[Olga Koch]

My very first. The one that I broke the lent with was. What's it called? It was the corned beef on rye at Cat's Deli.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, there you go. Okay.

[Olga Koch]

That was like. We filmed it. It was like a whole being reintroduced to me. But I'd say the most. The most delicious. Now that I've been eating meat for like a year now, the most delicious has to be the lamb at Alcaff in Whitechapel, which is a Somali restaurant. And it, like, it's lamb that falls apart. It's one of the most delicious things. It's. There's not much there on the plate other than the meat, because the meat speaks for its. Because, like, it's lamb that's been cooked for ages, and it's. It's melt in your mouth. It's absolutely delicious. But apart from the fact that it is one of the most delicious dishes I've ever had, I realized that, like, it had that ratatouille reminded me of childhood moment. Because my grandmother was raised in Kazakhstan.

[James Acaster]

Oh, my God.

[Olga Koch]

And in Kazakhstan, they make something called bishbarmak.

[Ed Gamble]

Another bloody country thrown in.

[Olga Koch]

Wait.

[Ed Gamble]

Such a global family.

[James Acaster]

Its entire family tree is one street in Wimbledon. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Island, actually.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

[Olga Koch]

So she used to cook a dish called bishbarmak, which is like local to Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan. And it is that like fall apart lamb with some egg noodles in it and some raw onion. It's the most delicious thing you'll ever like. It's just meat at its purest form. We're not, we're not talking seasoning, we're not talking marinade. It's like is the fattiest lamb you've ever eaten in your life.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Olga Koch]

And it's. And it's gonna blow your mind heaven. But also she was. Sorry, I'll stop talk do. You could interrupt me at any point because I, I could talk about lamb.

[James Acaster]

While you're a guest podcast, when you're.

[Ed Gamble]

Talking about food on our food podcast. When you're a guest.

[James Acaster]

Well, this one goes on a bit.

[Ed Gamble]

Quite a lot saying about food actually, weirdly so.

[Olga Koch]

My grandmother who grew up in Kazakhstan, Nina her, all of her grandmothering revolves around fear based things. So like, she's like, don't eat too much sweets because your butthole will still stick together. She would tell me that when I was like when I was growing up and I would be terrified to eat too much, too much sugary sweets because like the syrupness of the sweet.

[Ed Gamble]

Stick your butthole together.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

And you don't want that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Your grandma would say, but it would stick your butthole together.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you'd be like terrified. She's like, oh, I can't eat it when you want any more chocolate.

[Ed Gamble]

Is that like a phrase? Like a phrase?

[Olga Koch]

I've never heard anyone say it other than her.

[Ed Gamble]

Or was she genuinely saying to you, you will, your butthole will literally stick together if you eat too sweet.

[Olga Koch]

And as a kid you'd be horrified. And it was an effective, an effective tactic.

[James Acaster]

Wouldn't have worked on me.

[Ed Gamble]

No way.

[James Acaster]

When.

[Olga Koch]

How is that?

[Ed Gamble]

Win. Win.

[James Acaster]

I don't think I enjoyed going for dumps that much as a kid.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but you must have. It would be really. It would be uncomfortable to have your butthole stuck together.

[James Acaster]

Nah.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, then you just get really full, right?

[Olga Koch]

Yeah. Where's it all going?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Well, that's keeping my body for longer. That's nice. I like sweets.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but you don't like having the sweets in your body.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Ed Gamble]

You'd like the taste of it.

[Olga Koch]

I need to call my grandma. She'd be able to argue with me.

[James Acaster]

Sticking my butthole to what were some.

[Ed Gamble]

Of your other grandma's fear tactics.

[Olga Koch]

So one of Them had to do with the lamb.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

So, okay, so because it's. It's really, really fatty and really, really.

[Ed Gamble]

Hot makes your butthole massive.

[Olga Koch]

If only. And then girl can dream. So it's like, it's salty, it's fatty, it's really, really hot. And because it's so salty, you really want to drink cold water because it's really hot. But then I. I'm assuming it's kind of true. Or she just did it for fun. She's like, you can't drink anything cold because all the fat will just solidify inside you and you'll die. Oh, no.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, my God.

[Olga Koch]

It's very, very body horror.

[James Acaster]

All of.

[Ed Gamble]

All of your grandma's stuff was about being constipated in some way, right?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

So then you'd be terrible. So you'd be so thirsty because it would be so salty, but you wouldn't be able to stop eating it because it would be so delicious. But then you would be so scared to drink anything cold because you didn't want it to solidify inside of you.

[Ed Gamble]

And then you die.

[Olga Koch]

And then you die. So it's like she would give you just, like, the hottest tea with it. Which didn't help the thirst at all. He had to sort of really panic. I have a nostalgia for this panicked figure.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's gotta be some sort of, like, jeopardy involved, I guess, with whatever you're eating.

[Olga Koch]

Yes. You're battling the food in a way. And so when I had that lamb at Alkaff, the Somali restaurant, it brought me back. It brought me back.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you have a cold drink with it?

[Olga Koch]

No, I was too scared. I too was too scared.

[James Acaster]

Still won't do it.

[Olga Koch]

I don't know the science behind it, but I'm scared. What if it turns into aspic inside of me?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Every time you eat sweets, do you think about the butthole sticking together thing? Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

That stays with you.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it was gonna stay with me. She wasn't even my grandma.

[Olga Koch]

Looking at the sugar content of a thing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

How much has my butthole gone now?

[Ed Gamble]

Where's my butthole at at the moment?

[James Acaster]

I have an announcement. I'm going to stop eating fried chicken for seven years. I'm going to do it. What? I actually do it. Olga's thing made me really jealous, so I'm going to do it. I'm stop eating fried chicken for seven years.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay. But that's not. August thing.

[James Acaster]

Huh?

[Ed Gamble]

August thing is she stopped eating meat for seven years.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. No, no. But I'm going To do just fried.

[Olga Koch]

Chicken, Just so you can taste it for the first time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's incredible.

[James Acaster]

It sounds good. Great. Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

Music starts playing it's amazing.

[James Acaster]

I'm gonna do it. Yeah. Seven years today. What's the date today as we recorded 29th of Jan. Seven years today.

[Ed Gamble]

So on the 29th of Jan, 2031.

[James Acaster]

I have fried chicken for the first time in seven years.

[Olga Koch]

Do you know which one you're gonna get?

[James Acaster]

Oh, no. Now I've just figured out I can't have the carolina fried chicken from cricket for seven years.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Because you can't have fried chicken.

[James Acaster]

Forget it. The bet's off. The bet's off. So is it the lamb from whitechapel that you had, like.

[Olga Koch]

Yes, yes, I would.

[James Acaster]

What's the place called, Alf? I'm going to go.

[Ed Gamble]

Sounds amazing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

I also have the name, the name of it. It's called zanid the lamb.

[James Acaster]

Lovely.

[Olga Koch]

It's x A n N I d.

[Ed Gamble]

I think if someone told me for seven years you can only eat one meat.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It would be slow cooked lamb. I think slow cooked lamb with the fibers fall apart. Oh, my God. It's incredible. And it's so easy to do at home as well. It's like the easiest thing just.

[Olga Koch]

Is it really?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, just bung it in the oven for like five hours on low. Get a lamb shoulder, put some spices on it and stuff.

[Olga Koch]

And then the fat will do the work itself.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, my God. It does all the work and it just fills the house. You put it on at like 10 in the morning and it just smells like lamb in your house all the time.

[Olga Koch]

It's good stuff.

[James Acaster]

He's in a very good mood when he's got the lamb in the oven.

[Ed Gamble]

I think that's true, man.

[James Acaster]

You should always have a lamb in the oven.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I'm thinking of getting myself like, if they do a glade plugin of slow cooked lamb.

[James Acaster]

No, that won't work for you. I think you have to know it's there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I have to know it's on its way. Yeah, yeah.

[Olga Koch]

Oh, God.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm really hungry, guys.

[Olga Koch]

And this is a pleasure that my mother cannot experience.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, of course not.

[Olga Koch]

Girls.

[James Acaster]

Incentive. She can't smell any lamb ever again.

[Olga Koch]

Lamb in the house.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but you gotta look on the bright side. She can take down jars after jars of horseradish.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. She's.

[Ed Gamble]

She's taking down big guys all over the shop.

[James Acaster]

It's very rare that someone who's like, you know, number one in the World gets even higher. Yeah, but your mum was the, like, number one. I've eaten horseradish. And now it's, like, even better to see that. To see someone excel when they didn't need to.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, I'm imagining your mom in, like, global competitions of eating horseradish. Have you ever seen. Have you seen clips of the slapping competitions?

[Olga Koch]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

So it's like this new, like, stupid sport that I've seen loads of clips of on the Internet, where it's normally like, two big men stood opposite each other and they just take turns. They, like, chalk up and slap each other really hard.

[Olga Koch]

And how are they measured?

[Ed Gamble]

Like, if the guy is knocked out, Basically.

[Olga Koch]

Oh, shit. Oh, my God.

[James Acaster]

Like, fully losing consciousness.

[Ed Gamble]

Their legs go and they're wobbling about all over the place. It's really good. And sometimes they slow it down, like in a Looney Tunes.

[Olga Koch]

There's, like, a bird starts flying around.

[Ed Gamble]

And then it's over and their face goes all wonky. Oh, it's great stuff. Yeah. But I'm imagining your mum stood opposite, like, a massive dude with, like, a shaved head, and they're just eating. They're going spoonful for spoonful until the guy goes and falls over.

[Olga Koch]

Steam out of his ears, obviously.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's.

[Olga Koch]

It's like a sister competition to the Nathan's Hot Dog. You kind of pan the camera. There's a smaller lower table where people are eating condoms.

[James Acaster]

And you're saying there's nothing with this lamb as well, by the way, from what I remember.

[Olga Koch]

I think it's very, very the.

[James Acaster]

The.

[Olga Koch]

How impressive it is, is the fact that it's just like the lamb is speaking for itself.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

And you don't want anything else?

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

Do they do lamb presses or is it only a duck press?

[Olga Koch]

Look, theoretically, we could put anything we wanted in that press. Yeah, let's just get our hands on one.

[Ed Gamble]

It's like the. Sorry to go some more Internet videos, but the.

[Olga Koch]

I know exactly what you're talking about.

[Ed Gamble]

The hydraulic press videos.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, you know, like a hydraulic press. Like one that has, like, thousands of kilograms of pressure they use to crush things.

[James Acaster]

Compact trash.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's like a trash. Yeah, like a trash compactor. But there's. There's one account that I follow on Instagram which is just loads of different things put in that see how they.

[James Acaster]

See how they crush and then just do that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

To someone who has one of those machines.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, well, at work. Yeah, I guess so. And just films like, you Know, toys in it and play doh and stuff.

[Olga Koch]

We show up with a lamb shoulder.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I think, I guess you could. You could press lamb bones.

[Olga Koch]

I would assume so, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I guess the duck's easier with like a hand cranked one because the bones are smaller and like. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Does this person own, like, are they the boss of this work? Do you think that has the hydraulic press? Do you think they're the boss?

[Ed Gamble]

I'd imagine so because the account's got a lot of followers. So I think their boss would have caught on by now that they're using the hydraulic press to put like.

[Olga Koch]

And it doesn't feel like a domestic appliance. It does feel industrial.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, it's industrial, yeah. That's not. It's not in someone's house. But I think they only use it for that now. I think the account's got so big that they don't need it because otherwise you're not gonna. If you need it for trash compacting, you're gonna spend the whole time like cleaning oranges out of it.

[James Acaster]

So that's become the. The main source of income is putting different stuff in the hydraulic press.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Olga Koch]

That's how I want to go.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Much of that was your job.

[Olga Koch]

Duck press me.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

In your will, it's not cremation or burial. I want to go in a big duck press. Juice my bones.

[James Acaster]

Juice my bones and then they just give you the juice because, like. Yeah, they wouldn't take you home in an urn. It would be like in a juice box. Yeah, yeah, a juice box. Draw in so proper, like factory sealed in the juice box. Box.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, that would be chic. And then just mix me up with some sparkling water. Good to go.

[James Acaster]

Oh, that's that. Yeah, that's.

[Ed Gamble]

If they juiced your bones, James, would you have bits or no bits?

[James Acaster]

Well, obviously no bits. Oh, perish the thought of bits of my bones. I hope they just get a lovely clear juice. Oh, yeah. That would be the. The final insult if the other got bits in my bones.

[Olga Koch]

A James Acaster smoothie.

[James Acaster]

Disgusting. Yeah. It better be smooth. Yeah, it's not called a bitsy, put it that way. Dream side dish.

[Olga Koch]

Dream side dish. I filmed a TV show in Bulgaria this summer.

[James Acaster]

Another country. Deal with that.

[Olga Koch]

So sorry. So sorry. I'm so worldly. So the national salad there one of is called the Shopska salad, which is my understanding is there's like a huge rivalry with Greece as to who owns the cucumber, bell pepper, tomato feta, olive salad mixture.

[Ed Gamble]

Some Very bad news for Bulgaria. Greece is one.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah, that's a Greek salad.

[Olga Koch]

I'm going to throw something out there about why I think the Szapska Bulgarian version is superior. I'm ready to get canceled by the Greeks. What they do in Bulgaria, which I thought was genius, is that they grate the feta so it mixes in in a way that you. You never get with a Greek salad. With a Greek salad, you're either just eating a whole bit of it. It's never in conversation with.

[Ed Gamble]

Sometimes they put the whole block just on top.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah. They don't even chop that thing up.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, that's.

[Olga Koch]

Now that's a smug.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't like it when they do that. But what I'd say to stick up for the Greeks once and for all. I like it when it's cubes because then you get a treat every now and again.

[Olga Koch]

So it's like, it's like a kebab of.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, you get. You get little, like just chunks on top.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

They can be mixed in fine, but on top's fine because I like it. You're sharing a big Greek salad with someone. I like to be like, I'm gonna take a few bits of feta here, and if anyone says anything, I'm kicking off and you're eating like the cucumber, eating the. Whatever else is in it. And then. And then you're like, oh, got a bit of feta. Hello. Treat time.

[Olga Koch]

Like a curly fry in a. In a thing of straight fries.

[Ed Gamble]

Like a curly thing. Like a curly fried straight fry. I'm so hungry.

[James Acaster]

Is that what it feels like?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but it just feels like, you know, that's the fun bit of the salad.

[Olga Koch]

Right, I see. I mean, it's. I guess everything else.

[Ed Gamble]

You're having your five a day and.

[Olga Koch]

It sounds like something you would. You would make up as a narrative to justify the inferiority of the Greek salad. Whereas in Bulgaria, they just saw a problem and they solved it. They brought a cheese grater and they thought, why not mix it in? Why not have every bite, have a little feta treat?

[James Acaster]

I think it sounds better.

[Ed Gamble]

I like the idea of it. I do. I'll stick to my cubes from now on. But here's my question.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

How the fuck are you grating feta?

[Olga Koch]

It's a quite, quite a firm cheese. You go on a large. On the large whole setting.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I think for me, if I'm touching a block of feta to a grater, I might be able to get one grate down, but then it's just collapsing in my face.

[Olga Koch]

Okay, so what you're thinking of is a perpendicular shave. I'm thinking of a parallel shave. So you say skinny side and you just go long.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Olga Koch]

And that's just a couple. Just a couple grates, really.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm getting some hand in there. Definitely.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

Delicious. I eat meat now, so I don't.

[Ed Gamble]

Think I've ever grated anything.

[James Acaster]

You're not great in the little cubes, you know.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I know. You're great in the whole block.

[James Acaster]

They're not great in the cubes.

[Olga Koch]

Going like this with the block, I'm thinking. Going like this.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I don't know the difference between what you just did, so.

[Olga Koch]

Okay, I'm trying to describe it.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a block of feta on the table. I'm thinking you pick it up and you grate like that.

[James Acaster]

That. Like a T shape.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

And then it obviously crumbles.

[Ed Gamble]

Pick it up and go and hold it.

[James Acaster]

Oh, like, just. They're both.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah. And that way it doesn't. It doesn't break off.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I don't know if I'd think both of them would break, really. I think both of those would. Would result in a breakage. I would lay the grater flat down on the table and then just grate over the top of it with the feta. So the feta's in charge. I think then it would stand a better chance.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

But still the angle is. The question of the angle is still there. Are you holding it long side or short side?

[James Acaster]

Doing. I guess I'd like to be laid down in a dentist chair and have the grater in front of me, and I'll just do it like that. Let it fall down straight into my mouth. Because then anything that crumbles, you just get it all.

[Ed Gamble]

You could freeze the feta for half an hour so it maintains its robustness, and then grate it, and then it's defrosting as soon as it hits the salad. If it's small enough, bits.

[Olga Koch]

Like a. Like a snow cone.

[Ed Gamble]

Like a snow cone, exactly.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

Shaved ice.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Where do you stand on whipped feta? I love it.

[Olga Koch]

Is it. Give me a context. What context are you having a whipped feta in?

[James Acaster]

I had some whipped feta, almost like, as a dip with loads of, like, butternut squash that they'd cut up and I could just like.

[Olga Koch]

I like that. I like the idea that you can have that flavor in a dippable form. Yes. I'm on board. I'm sorry.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it was very, very good. But I guess this grated one is not. That's not the same deal.

[Olga Koch]

I mean, theoretically, you could do a dollop of a whipped feta in the salad dressing, shake it up, and then it's even farther than the Shopska salad because it's in the dressing.

[Ed Gamble]

It's double feta.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, I love this. I would eat this salad. It sounds fantastic.

[James Acaster]

It sounds better. Like, I do, like, I like all the different ingredients in a Greek salad, but I don't like the cubes and stuff. It does annoy me that I've got, like, basically just make my own little perfect bite every time. Whereas your window sounds like.

[Olga Koch]

It feels like it's a clever solution.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. How many olives are in there? Are they grating? The olives are great in everything.

[Olga Koch]

No, no, no. Nothing. Nothing else is grated. But then you're welcome to, I guess.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I kind of would like to do that.

[Ed Gamble]

You want to grate the olives to make a slaw.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Like a grate all of this. Grate all of it. Yeah, yeah. Maybe that's. That's the way you've invented bits in a proper. Oh, no. Oh, no.

[Ed Gamble]

You've got a whole bowl of bits.

[James Acaster]

What the hell have I done? I guess. Yeah, that's quite a nice, you know, personal arc for me, because what you.

[Ed Gamble]

Should like is a completely smooth Greek salad.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Just a. Just a milkshake salad wouldn't be against it.

[Olga Koch]

A delicious, savory milkshake.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. But no, I guess I like the sound of this bit. Salad now. Yeah, Just put. Put it all in a blender, and then it all just, like, grate up in there and then just collect it all in a big bowl and then spoon it.

[Olga Koch]

If you heat it up, it would be like a delicious tomato soup, wouldn't it?

[James Acaster]

Would it?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't know. There's. Because there's cucumber in there and stuff, I think even. Even, like, grating a cucumber. Yeah. There's so much water. I bet you'd end up with, like, my least favorite thing. When you're eating something and you pull back one mouthful and there's, like, a little wet bit at the bottom.

[James Acaster]

Hold on a second.

[Ed Gamble]

Like, a little puddle.

[James Acaster]

This is big news. This ed's least favorite thing when eating this has taken them many episodes to find out.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not good, man. If I make a bolognese or something or I don't cook it for long enough. So there's like too much moisture in there. You put it in the bowl and then you eat a bit of it. Then there's like wet stuff at the bottom. I hate that.

[James Acaster]

Not fully. Do you know what he means?

[Ed Gamble]

I think scrambled eggs, it happens all the time.

[Olga Koch]

Okay, yeah, I get it. I get it now.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

That's disgusting.

[Ed Gamble]

Secret puddle eggs. No.

[James Acaster]

So that's your least favorite thing?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't like it. Also, if I've cooked it, it makes me not proud of what I've done because there's a secret puddle and that was my fault.

[James Acaster]

That's a shame. Or do you have a least favorite thing when eating?

[Olga Koch]

Oh, man. That wasn't a fucking bravery. Kidding me? Are you serious?

[James Acaster]

Pretty big question.

[Olga Koch]

This is really.

[Ed Gamble]

It wasn't in the brief. Tell us what your grandma said sweets do to your butthole. But you still brought it up.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, no, I, I, I hate it when my butt chicks. I hate it.

[James Acaster]

We don't usually leave that off the brief.

[Olga Koch]

I'm not a huge fan of mixing chocolate with fruit with a very sour fruit.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, nice.

[Olga Koch]

Like when I see like an apple chocolate thing, that makes me confused.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Those two shouldn't be together, I don't think.

[Olga Koch]

No, no.

[Ed Gamble]

Because you see, like when you see like a toffee apple and chocolate. A toffee apple. And then they'll also sell like a.

[Olga Koch]

Chocolate covered apple again at Disney. There, I fucking said it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Olga Koch]

That's, that's. I don't. Those are not to the families should not. No, no, no, no.

[James Acaster]

Toffee apple is one of the biggest disappointments for me.

[Olga Koch]

I don't mind a toffee apple, but when it comes. When chocolate comes into play, I'm out. Or when they put like Oreo crumbs on it. What are we doing, fellas?

[James Acaster]

But when I first heard about a toffee apple, I was like, that sounds like the best thing ever.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then I had one and was like, it's mainly just like an apple. It doesn't.

[Olga Koch]

And it's a mess to eat because all the stuff. Sticky all over your face.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I think they should do the individual slices. If they did. If they sliced up an apple.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then toffee. Each individual slice, I'd eat that.

[Olga Koch]

That is a party. That would be on a stick.

[James Acaster]

Ooh. Well, a big bag of them. I'd have a big bag of those. Walk around Disney.

[Ed Gamble]

I just think, you don't need to mess with the apple, you know, I.

[Olga Koch]

Like an apple and peanut butter apple and peanut Butter. Best snack of all time.

[Ed Gamble]

That's actually true. Best thing at M and S, the apple and peanut butter.

[Olga Koch]

Very, very nice. Very nice. Again, sliced apples.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's Granny Smith apples.

[Ed Gamble]

It's chunky peanut butter and chunky peanut butter.

[Olga Koch]

What are you talking about? The superior apple.

[James Acaster]

No, hate Granny Smith.

[Ed Gamble]

It's the superior apple when it comes to peanut butter.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah. Every other apple's too mealy. Too slicing.

[James Acaster]

I don't really want an apple with peanut butter, to be honest. But I definitely don't want a goddamn Granny Smith. Disgusting.

[Ed Gamble]

I had a Pink lady tarte tatin the other night and it was absolutely outstanding.

[James Acaster]

And your wife is going to listen to this podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

It was on my whole pass list.

[Olga Koch]

Is Pink lady not too sweet for a tarte tat?

[Ed Gamble]

No. You want sweet on Tut Tut, right?

[Olga Koch]

Do you?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I want sweet. Sweet all the way home.

[Olga Koch]

Okay, fair.

[Ed Gamble]

As the old phrase goes, if you.

[James Acaster]

Don'T just tell him, you can disagree with that. Don't let him convince you.

[Ed Gamble]

I understand your point. You want like maybe a little bit of acidity.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah. Because then you're putting so much sugar in it already. You want the fruit to bring the tart.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Olga Koch]

I'm of the, of the school of desserts. The highest compliment is not too sweet, right?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

This was very sweet, but at the time I enjoyed it.

[Olga Koch]

You don't have to get defensive about it. That's okay.

[Ed Gamble]

I liked it.

[Olga Koch]

What you do with your glued together butthole? What's your business?

[Ed Gamble]

My bottle looked like a toffee apple after I finished that. Picture this, you're halfway through a DIY car fix, tools scattered everywhere and bo boom. You realise you're missing a part. It's ok because you know, whatever it is, it's on ebay. They've got everything. Brakes, headlights, cold air intakes, whatever you need. And it's guaranteed to fit. Which means no more crossing your fingers and hoping you ordered the right thing. All the parts you need at prices you'll love. Guaranteed to fit every time.

[James Acaster]

Ebay.

[Ed Gamble]

Things people love.

[James Acaster]

Ryan Reynolds here for I guess my hundredth mint commercial.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[James Acaster]

Don't. No, no, no. I mean, honestly, when I started this, I thought I only have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited to Premium Wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim blaming. Here, give it a [e-mail] switch whenever.

[Ed Gamble]

You'Re ready $45 upfront payment equivalent to.

[Olga Koch]

Dollar new customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees, extra speeds lower above 40 gigabytes.

[Ed Gamble]

CD tails.

[James Acaster]

Your dream drink.

[Olga Koch]

Okay, so my dream drink, just to clarify, is this a dream drink for the entire meal?

[James Acaster]

Up to you.

[Ed Gamble]

It's up to you. Because if you wanted to throw in a couple of different drinks, I'm just.

[Olga Koch]

Going to go with one.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Olga Koch]

Just because I think it's the superior one. I don't know if it pairs well with this meal, but I don't think it pairs well with anything. And so it pairs with everything.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

And that's the biggest possible cup of iced Dunkin donut cold brew that you could find.

[James Acaster]

This might be the first time cold brew has been a dream drink. Yeah, a dream drink on the podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

And Dunkin Duncan gets a shout out.

[James Acaster]

Shout out to Dunkin.

[Olga Koch]

So if you're doing it in America, I would say that the size, it's like the Texas bedpan.

[Ed Gamble]

That's how big you can get. Like bucket sized things, right?

[Olga Koch]

Yeah. And so you fill it to the brim. Cold brew. And this is a game that. Cause I go on an American road trip every year with my friends and we invented this game. Cause if it's like a six hour drive day, which there will inevitably be.

[Ed Gamble]

One of you are your mother's daughter.

[Olga Koch]

You got a game, you gotta get.

[Ed Gamble]

Out of the game. You find the biggest guy on the side of the road.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Chug that. I'm gonna say this now. Remember how civilized and wonderful this conversation has been up until this point. Cause this is gonna make or break it. Okay, so what happens is you take the biggest, biggest possible. You fill it with coffee. You get it at one gas station, you drink it until the other gas station and then you try to fill it with piss. And then the empty glass and then you compare with the other people who got closest to one to one. I'd say it's the greatest road trip game ever invented.

[Ed Gamble]

So the aim is to get to.

[Olga Koch]

Piss out as much as you.

[Ed Gamble]

Just as much as you just drank.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

This is fantastic.

[Olga Koch]

And then you gotta compare so you win. If. If it's the same amount.

[James Acaster]

You have to come out and compare side to side.

[Olga Koch]

You can take a picture. We used to just take pictures. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You take pictures and at the same angle.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

How you. Before you have the coffee.

[Olga Koch]

I'm so sorry.

[Ed Gamble]

Is there a certain amount of time that you're not allowed to have had a drink? So It's a fair comparison. Okay.

[Olga Koch]

Because look, we can't guarantee that it's all cold brew. No, the technology doesn't.

[Ed Gamble]

But you can, you can if you all have your last drink at 11pm the previous night.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah. Not a drive.

[Ed Gamble]

And then I just think you should be doing these things properly if you're gonna do it.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

And then not a drop until the cold brew and then you know that you're all sluiced out. So then you're all just.

[Olga Koch]

You're all just monitoring each other during the morning shower.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep your mouth shut.

[Olga Koch]

Caught with a camel back.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

In the back seat.

[James Acaster]

And do you win this competition very often?

[Olga Koch]

Can you.

[James Acaster]

Can you win?

[Olga Koch]

Does anyone win?

[James Acaster]

But are you good at this game? Like your mum is good at the horse rider?

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty good.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm pretty good.

[Olga Koch]

To be. To be fair, sometimes I'm the only participant.

[James Acaster]

Guys, let's compare.

[Ed Gamble]

Olga, we were joking.

[James Acaster]

We. We never join in with this game.

[Ed Gamble]

Is the main. Is the main worry, as. How many times have you done this?

[James Acaster]

We've.

[Olga Koch]

We've done two or three.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

Road trips. And we'll do it like a couple of times. A road trip?

[Ed Gamble]

I'd say so.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah. It has to be a perfect storm.

[Ed Gamble]

Is it normally too little or too much? Are you underfilling or overflowing?

[Olga Koch]

Normally it's under.

[Ed Gamble]

Which is the best? If you're not going to hit it bang on. It's best to be under, I'd say.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, I'd say. When you. When you think you're overflowing, you could just swap to the toilet. That's there.

[Ed Gamble]

You could swap.

[James Acaster]

You got. So are you positioning it right in front of the toilet then?

[Olga Koch]

Or you stop in between, like a pregnancy test situation where you're like hovering over and then you sort of swoop in. That's my technique again. Depends on what kind of machinery you're working with.

[Ed Gamble]

Ever pissing in an empty cold brew cup and then just dipping it in.

[Olga Koch]

Swirling around like a. Like a cocktail sticker.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm pregnant with coffee.

[James Acaster]

It's a donut. A little donut.

[Ed Gamble]

A little donut appears.

[James Acaster]

Well, so you want the Dunkin Donuts.

[Olga Koch]

You haven't looked me directly in the eye since.

[Ed Gamble]

Is it.

[James Acaster]

Is it funny?

[Ed Gamble]

Is it just. Is it like just cold black coffee? Is it just the cold.

[Olga Koch]

You're not having any powerful diuretic, so it's really helping the game.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Olga Koch]

You're not waiting around to be. You all need to be at the next gas station.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

I could fill up with shit, probably.

[Olga Koch]

That's level two.

[James Acaster]

Not if you had sweets.

[Ed Gamble]

Right, Everyone have some sweets. Before we do this challenge, you gotta gum up. One entrance. I thought you were gonna say you had it and then. And then you all had to hold in. Doing a shit is what I thought. The competition without having a shit.

[Olga Koch]

That's the saw trap.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I want to play a game.

[James Acaster]

This is the biggest culprit you can get from Dunkin Donuts.

[Ed Gamble]

For too long you have without caring about others.

[James Acaster]

Your grandmother turns out to be the killer. I shouldn't know, but you want that cold brew? Yeah, I sure join.

[Ed Gamble]

Are you going to play the game at the Dream Mill? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Olga Koch]

It's a lot of fun.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Olga Koch]

Especially if I'm eating with somebody.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Olga Koch]

Otherwise it's sad, right?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it would be very sad otherwise. I love that we've got cold brew on the menu finally as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Nice.

[James Acaster]

It is delicious.

[Ed Gamble]

I do love a cold brew. Cause iced coffee for me doesn't give me the same caffeine buzz as a hot coffee.

[Olga Koch]

A super watered down espresso.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. So I need. I need my coffee to be hot when I'm buzzing you. Right.

[James Acaster]

James, fly in front of the mic.

[Olga Koch]

To drop some bars.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, no, here. Your dream meant you fly. Your dream dessert.

[Olga Koch]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

Also, where was that Oreo milkshake that we were promised earlier?

[Olga Koch]

Well, I've changed.

[Ed Gamble]

You've changed, I've changed.

[Olga Koch]

I'm a new woman now.

[James Acaster]

It's a shame.

[Olga Koch]

You like an Oreo milkshake?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I also love coffee.

[Olga Koch]

I mean, an Oreo milkshake is a superior milkshake. Especially when they're thick. When you put. Put a spoon in it and then it doesn't move. And then there's the extra in the middle.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

Don't, don't, don't.

[James Acaster]

I always. I unfairly overlook Oreo flavored things all the time just because they're everywhere. So I always skip over it. I don't get it. But every time I do have something like that, I'm like, why am I not doing this all the time?

[Olga Koch]

Because the biscuit is so salty. And it's the saltiness that makes you want more because it's salty and sweet.

[Ed Gamble]

When is a drink so thick? It's not a drink anymore is my question.

[Olga Koch]

Definitely not when it comes to Dunkin Donuts. Goldberg. When is a drink so thick? I mean, that's bits. When do bits reach Critical mass when.

[James Acaster]

The bits take over and then it's no longer a drink.

[Ed Gamble]

Because a milkshake is not a drink when it's that thick. Right.

[Olga Koch]

But there's nothing more vile to me than a watery milkshake.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Olga Koch]

The one that is like just basically a flavored milk.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

That's bad stuff.

[Olga Koch]

But unbearable.

[Ed Gamble]

A milkshake is a dessert to me that you can have with the main meal.

[Olga Koch]

It's in the ice cream family.

[Ed Gamble]

It's in the ice cream family. And I've seen a lot of things recently about, like, best hot chocolates in London and stuff. You have those hot. No, because they're like. They're so thick. They're like proper Italian hot chocolates where it's just too rich. Melted chocolate, and people are eating it with a spoon. If you're eating it with a spoon, that ain't a hot chocolate.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's bonkers. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a couple.

[Olga Koch]

It's too rich. It's too rich. You're not enjoying it. I would say a third in. You're enjoying. No longer enjoying that.

[Ed Gamble]

No way.

[James Acaster]

I have a shot of that.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But I ain't having that whenever. I had a whole mug of one of those once and by the end, I felt. I felt like that's probably killed me. Probably. And I feel really bad about that.

[Olga Koch]

Let me tell you, that thing, it both solidifies inside of you and.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's everything.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's the ultimate.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's the ultimate move. I did not feel good at the end of it. I felt very regret and then had to, like, make all the people who were with me, like, walk to the next place.

[Olga Koch]

Is it the Noops or. Which one did you go to?

[James Acaster]

It was a Jamie Oliver place. It was only open for a very short amount of time in Notting Hill, so I walked up the hill. That justified it to me.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Got the hot chocolate and then was like, oh, dear, sorry, we've got to walk into central London now. Because I feel that bad about this. And everyone else was like, oh, come on, man, walk into central London. I was like, guys, I'm not getting the tube. I'm good anyway. This is the dream dessert. I don't want to get in the way.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, please.

[Olga Koch]

So speaking of the ice cream family, to me, ice cream is a superior dessert. It is the best. I'd say the best ice cream in the world is probably in Australia. I'll throw that out there.

[Ed Gamble]

I've only only been there once.

[Olga Koch]

Probably just now in Sydney.

[Ed Gamble]

No I was there in May. April.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, I saw you there. I saw your show there.

[Ed Gamble]

That wasn't just now, though.

[Olga Koch]

Oh, I guess it's just not in that. Not. Not just now. It was almost a year ago.

[James Acaster]

Festival season just gone.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Festival season just gone. Yes. Yeah. That was the only time I've been.

[Olga Koch]

Because I feel like every gelato place in Sydney, their claim to fame is that in a blind taste test, they won over an Italian gelato place from Italy.

[Ed Gamble]

Right, okay.

[Olga Koch]

And that's like. That's sort of written above every ice cream place in Sydney. But the gelato is really, really good there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Olga Koch]

I would say all Australian ice cream is superior to the point that I have a tattoo of an Australian ice cream called Golden Gay Time.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Olga Koch]

Which is one of their packaged ice creams, which I think is the perfect.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Olga Koch]

The perfect ice cream. And me and Helen Bauer got matching Golden Gay ice cream tattoos.

[James Acaster]

I didn't know Bauer had that tat.

[Olga Koch]

First tat.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Olga Koch]

My first. A prawn awful circle. But, yeah, I think the. The magical symphony that is the flavor of a Golden Gay Time. And again, coming back, the texture, the fact that it's covered in crumb. A crumb is just such an underrated. We don't talk about crumb enough.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Olga Koch]

But it can really elevate a dish. It could take it from a six to a nine, easy.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, well, you got essentially feta crumb, right? You got feta crumb earlier on.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, I love a crumb. Or like a lamb dish. Goes well with a crumb as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it does.

[Olga Koch]

When you like bread. A rack of lamb.

[James Acaster]

Whoo.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

A breaded rack of lamb. That's a crumb bread.

[James Acaster]

A rack of lamb. It's quite nice to say that. So I'm quite excited now to see what this is going to be also because we know that your ideal compliment for desserts, that it's not too sweet and you've gone for gelato. So is this going to be like.

[Olga Koch]

Well, I just said that. That's the Golden Gate time.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you want the Golden Gate time?

[James Acaster]

Oh, sorry. The answer is the Golden Gay Time is your actual dessert. Oh, okay. I thought you'd go for a gelato.

[Olga Koch]

I want a Golden Gay Time.

[James Acaster]

I mean, you've got.

[Ed Gamble]

You've got a goddamn tattoo of it.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah. I simply cannot.

[James Acaster]

How many do you want?

[Olga Koch]

Golden Gay Times.

[James Acaster]

You just want one. Oof.

[Olga Koch]

I would love to do an eating competition of Golden Gate Times. I reckon I could do four each.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

Just in One sitting or a Golden Gay item. Golden Gay Time ice cream ice cream cake.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Olga Koch]

There's nothing better than ice cream cake. Oh, imagine an ice cream. Your birthday party. Surprise. It's an ice cream cake.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I'd love it. I'd love it.

[Olga Koch]

Oh, man.

[Ed Gamble]

I love that you're like, imagine. And then just told us to imagine something. That's perfectly possible.

[James Acaster]

Imagine eating an ice cream cake.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Imagine it's your birthday and you have a cake for surprise.

[Olga Koch]

No, because I genuinely hate cake because it's always too dry. It's very rare that a cake is moist enough, but you know what is moist enough? Ice cream.

[Ed Gamble]

Ice cream. Yeah. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Oh, God.

[Olga Koch]

Love an ice cream cake.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Ice cream cake's great. Did they do. I'm gonna Google Golden Gay time ice cream cake.

[Ed Gamble]

And I bet someone does it. I had some mad ice cream in Australia, went to a place in Melbourne called Fluffy Torpedo.

[Olga Koch]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

And all the flavors are weird.

[Olga Koch]

That place closed down. Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

All the flavors are deliberately weird. But it was absolutely delicious.

[Olga Koch]

What? What kind of weird?

[Ed Gamble]

Vegemite and white chocolate.

[Olga Koch]

That sounds delicious.

[Ed Gamble]

It was incredible.

[Olga Koch]

That sounds delicious.

[Ed Gamble]

It was so good. And that was not too sweet because you got the Vegemite just cutting through the white chocolate, which is normally too sweet for me. Really, really good.

[Olga Koch]

This is probably a fact that you guys know, so stop me if you do, but you know that I believe it's Ben from Ben and Jerry didn't have a sense of smell marina representation. And so his enjoyment of food very much comes from texture. And the reason why Ben and Jerry's ice creams are always filled with life, crackly, crispy things is because Ben couldn't smell and he enjoyed the fillings.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a beautiful store. I don't know if it's true. It feels too convenient. But I like it.

[Olga Koch]

I'm choosing to believe it. I'm not fact checking it.

[James Acaster]

I love Ben and Jerry's and that loads of bits. So actually, I have grown up a lot.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's true. It's like the. I was told when I was a teenager that the reason they don't play music and Wetherspoons is because JD Weatherspoon was deaf and it's a tribute to him. No, and it simply can't be true because I don't think JD Weatherspoon was a real man.

[James Acaster]

He also hated good beer. So you can't buy a Golden Gaytime ice cream cake, but there are tons of recipes.

[Olga Koch]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

So I bet you just. If you wanted to make one There are a lot of options here of different golden gay time ice cream cakes.

[Olga Koch]

Oh, can you imagine? Because then it has the crumb. So that could be. You're imagining right now because that's the dough bit of the cake.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. There are many different approaches here. There's a layered up one where it's like cake, ice cream. Cake ice cream. Like that. There's one that's like a dome that seems to have like. Yeah. The cake and ice cream all together.

[Olga Koch]

Have a party with that.

[James Acaster]

There's one that. I mean they've made it look like an actual golden gay time, but it's a cake. And you cut open in this ice.

[Olga Koch]

Cream, like is a cake.

[James Acaster]

No, it's ice cream in it. It is an ice cream cake.

[Ed Gamble]

But they made it look like a big golden.

[James Acaster]

And made it look like a massive golden gate.

[Ed Gamble]

I think that's what you're imagining.

[Olga Koch]

That's what I would like. That's what I would like.

[James Acaster]

And there was some where they just seemed to have chopped up a Golden Gate home and put it on top of.

[Olga Koch]

That's cheating.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But you still ate it though, right?

[James Acaster]

There's a lot of good stuff here. So a lot of options. If you wanted to make it yourself.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. But we're making it for you at the dream restaurant. If you, if you. Would you like that?

[Olga Koch]

I would quite like that. I would quite like that.

[James Acaster]

With a golden gay tom on the side.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And maybe like one of those disgusting like Cheesecake Factory martinis that are like. This is our play on a golden gay time martini. Like an appletini or whatever.

[Ed Gamble]

A golden gay time martini.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, like, you know. Cause they make like a strawberry cheesecake martini.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Oh, right.

[Olga Koch]

Cause you imagine an espresso martini. But imagine you could make it with any sweet.

[James Acaster]

Really?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

And so I would have a Golden Gate time martini.

[Ed Gamble]

That sounds amazing.

[James Acaster]

Golden Gatini. Surely we're calling it a Golden Gatini.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, I like that. I like that a lot.

[Ed Gamble]

The drink would be incredible because it have crumb on the top, right?

[Olga Koch]

Yeah, it's a rim. It's a rim. It's a rim. Like margarita style.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yes. It wouldn't be a rim and then a Golden Gate stuck on the side of the glass.

[Olga Koch]

Yes, of course. Like a, like a, like a lemon wedge.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Topples over every time.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Flintstones car. Every single time. I read your menu back to you now, see how you feel.

[Olga Koch]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

Water. You would like black currant now? Surely, surely there's Going to be a few hurdles for you in this populous of bread. You would like the doser from Central Tiffin Room and some kvass.

[Olga Koch]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Starter prawn cocktail with massive prawns and US Style sauce. Main course, the lamb from Zenid. No, the Zenid from Al Kaff.

[Olga Koch]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Side dish, Shopska salad.

[Olga Koch]

This is. I didn't realize how difficult that's gonna be. I'm so sorry.

[James Acaster]

Drink, massive Dunkin Donuts, cold brew, followed by the piss challenge. Dessert, Golden Gay time. Ice cream cake with a Golden Gay Time on the side and a golden Gatini.

[Olga Koch]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Love it.

[Olga Koch]

Oh, God, that's a perfect meal.

[James Acaster]

It's pretty great.

[Olga Koch]

Can I throw in an honorable mention for dessert really quickly?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

There's a. An incredibly fancy restaurant called Datera in Shoreditch. I don't know. Have you been?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Olga Koch]

I'm assuming you've been. It's probably one of the best meals I've ever had in my life. But again, gotta mention ratatouille. We were eating, the three of me and my friends, and they served the sweet corn tartlet for dessert and we all ate it at the same time. And we all nearly burst into tears. I shed a tear because we all immediately thought of the very first time we went to the movies and the smell of popcorn in the carpet in the movie theater.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[Olga Koch]

And that really brought us back. And it's like that scene in Ratatouille where he remembers his childhood. That's how I felt.

[James Acaster]

Me and my friends do a challenge where we all get a tin of sweets. Cor. Oh.

[Olga Koch]

And then you count the kernels in your ship.

[James Acaster]

We see if we can fill the tin back up.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, what a lovely way to end that episode. Thank you so much, Olga.

[Olga Koch]

Thanks so much.

[James Acaster]

Thank you, Olga.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, there we are. What a great menu, James.

[James Acaster]

Really delicious menu. Sounded very, very tasty.

[Ed Gamble]

From all over the world.

[James Acaster]

From all over the world. We heard a lot of stories, a lot of insights into Olga's life.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Couldn't have asked for more.

[Ed Gamble]

Couldn't have asked for more. Thank you so much to Olga for coming in. Do check out Olga's social media for details of gigs she's doing, tools she's up to, podcast. She's done a lot for Radio 4 in the past as well.

[James Acaster]

Olga's new show, Olga Cock Comes for Money is at London Soho Theatre December 3rd to the 21st. Book [e-mail] and Olga Cox News Special.

[Ed Gamble]

Is on YouTube very soon. She's a busy lady and she didn't.

[James Acaster]

Say buck fast and we really appreciate that.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you Olga. Appreciate that. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. We'll probably go now, will we?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I think we'll probably go. You know, before we do, I guess. Big thank you to our families and friends.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, thank you very much. I'm on tour probably. Yes. Go on to edgamble.co.uk I'm sure I'll be doing more dates of my show. Hot diggity dog. Hot diggity dog. Fun to say bye, goodbye.

[Olga Koch]

What a difference a day makes.

[Ed Gamble]

Swap your airport transit. Wait for an exciting stopover in Qatar where idyllic beaches and vibrant souks are all just moments away. Enjoy a 24 hour Qatar stopover with 5 star hotels from only $48 per night. Go to visit qatar.comstopover Terms apply this.

[Olga Koch]

Holiday season when you can't be there.

[Ed Gamble]

Let 1-800flowers.com deliver at 1-800-FLowers Every gift is crafted with care and designed to make spirits bright. From classic holiday bouquets and unique one of a kind designs to gift bundles you can't find anywhere else. 1-800-FLowers makes it easy to stay connected no matter the distance. Just a few clicks and your thoughtful gift is on its way. Visit 1-800-flowers.com acast to deliver joy, beauty and celebration this holiday season.

[James Acaster]

The holidays mean more travel, more shopping, more time online and more personal info and more plan that could expose you more to identity theft.

[Ed Gamble]

But Lifelock monitors millions of data points per second.

[James Acaster]

If your identity is stolen, our US based restoration specialists will fix it, guaranteed or your money back. Don't face drained accounts, fraudulent loans or financial losses alone. Get more holiday fun and less holiday worry with LifeLock. Save up to 40% your first year with promo code NEWS. Visit LifeLock.com Terms apply.