Ep 273: Rose Matafeo (Christmas Special)

Summary

Episode Summary: Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster – Ep 273: Rose Matafeo (Christmas Special)

Release Date: December 11, 2024

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Introduction

In Episode 273 of "Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster," hosts Ed Gamble and James Acaster welcome the versatile New Zealand comedian, writer, director, and actor Rose Matafeo for a festive Christmas special. The episode delves into Rose's culinary preferences, her experiences in the comedy world, and personal anecdotes, all woven into the unique "dream menu" format that the podcast is renowned for.

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Guest Introduction

[06:15] Ed Gamble:
"Welcome, Rose, to the Dream Restaurant. I'm so happy to be here, guys."

Rose brings her vibrant personality to the table, and the hosts express their admiration for her accomplishments, including her award-winning show at the Edinburgh Fringe.

[04:52] James Acaster:
"Rose did a brilliant show called Horn Dog at the Edinburgh Fringe. It won the Edinburgh Comedy Award."

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Dream Menu Discussion

The core of the episode revolves around crafting Rose's dream Christmas meal, encompassing her favorite starter, main course, side dish, dessert, and drink. Each course is explored with humor, personal insights, and cultural references.

1. Starter: Japanese Wax Figurine of Lettuce

[26:00] Rose Matafeo:
"I don't believe in starters. Starters are a stuffy remnant of restaurant culture where it's like, oh, I have my little starter and then I have a full meal."

Contrary to Rose's initial skepticism about traditional starters, Ed proposes a unique and artistic starter: a Japanese wax figurine of lettuce. This choice reflects Rose's appreciation for aesthetic presentation and innovative culinary art.

[27:13] Ed Gamble:
"I'm choosing wax now. I can't answer any more questions."

2. Main Course: Yum Cha Experience

[32:00] Rose Matafeo:
"I think I like eating food having lots of different options. Yum Cha is perfect because it's small bits of every single delicious thing."

Yum Cha, a traditional Chinese brunch involving a variety of small dishes served with tea, is selected as Rose's main course. The discussion highlights the communal and diverse nature of Yum Cha, emphasizing shared experiences and the joy of sampling multiple dishes.

[34:10] Ed Gamble:
"Yum Cha with the full trolley service is something that in New Zealand is still a massive thing."

3. Side Dish: Potato Trolley with Varieties

[53:09] Rose Matafeo:
"If I'm gonna say I don't believe in starters, do I have to say I don't believe in sides?"

Potatoes take center stage as the chosen side dish, with a trolley offering various preparations—from dauphinoise to crispy roast potatoes. The hosts engage in a playful debate over the best potato dishes, showcasing their passion for this versatile ingredient.

[57:03] James Acaster:
"Very thin French fries is four."

4. Dessert: Australian Women's Weekly Cake Book Creations

[69:10] Rose Matafeo:
"I want the train, I want the Dolly Varden, I want the numbers, I want. Definitely want the pool."

Incorporating nostalgia, Rose selects desserts inspired by the iconic Australian Women's Weekly Cake Book, featuring imaginative creations like the Dolly Varden cake and pool cake. These whimsical cakes not only evoke childhood memories but also add a playful twist to the meal.

[70:14] Ed Gamble:
"It's like every mother in the 90s had it. You would get a cake from that book like the pool cake or the train cake."

5. Drink: Spider (Coke with Ice Cream)

[62:52] Rose Matafeo:
"So drink Spider means a Coke with ice cream in it, which we call it a spider in New Zealand because it melts like a spider."

Rose opts for a nostalgic and indulgent drink—a Coke float, affectionately known as a "Spider" in New Zealand. This choice balances sweet flavors with a touch of fondness for childhood treats.

[63:02] James Acaster:
"Coke floats at the City Diner in Edinburgh are the best."

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Personal Stories and Insights

Beyond the culinary exploration, the episode weaves in personal narratives and lighthearted banter among the hosts and Rose.

Silent Acid Reflux Discussion

[23:35] Rose Matafeo:
"I have been recently diagnosed with silent acid reflux at the tender age of 32, which is a form of acid reflux where I don't get heartburn, but it goes all the way up, and it has given me mild laryngitis for years now."

Rose shares her recent health diagnosis, leading to a candid conversation about silent acid reflux, its symptoms, and lifestyle adjustments. The hosts express empathy and offer humorous takes on managing the condition.

[25:51] Rose Matafeo:
"I have to stop eating late and figure out what my triggers are."

Thoughts on Food Reviews

The trio engages in a humorous yet insightful discussion about the dynamics of food reviews, particularly focusing on Google Reviews. They touch upon themes like consistent negative reviews attributing to specific staff members and the impact of smear campaigns.

[08:30] Ed Gamble:
"I read Google reviews for comfort at night and aggregate some sort of scoring or review from all the ones I read."

[10:43] James Acaster:
"It's like the Zodiac Killer giving himself away."

Escape Rooms Adventures

James and Ed recount their adventures conquering escape rooms in various cities, highlighting both successes and humorous setbacks.

[66:11] Ed Gamble:
"We did some in Wellington too. We went to an escape room complex with three different themed rooms."

[67:59] James Acaster:
"We ticked them all off, but James didn't enjoy one because it made him feel stupid."

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Rose’s Comedy and Projects

Rose discusses her latest comedy special, "On and On and On," which is a taped version of her live shows over the past year. She reflects on her creative process, preferring stand-up without excessive visuals to maintain authenticity.

[13:03] Rose Matafeo:
"It's just me talking, and it turns out that might not be that interesting. This is the worst promo."

Additionally, Rose touches upon her role in "Junior Taskmaster," highlighting her versatility and commitment to her craft.

[13:31] Rose Matafeo:
"Junior Taskmaster is on right now."

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Cultural Differences in Christmas Dinners

A significant portion of the episode explores the contrast between New Zealand and British Christmas traditions. Rose describes a New Zealand Christmas meal that's a "mishmash" of warm and cold dishes, reflecting the summer season during Christmas in the Southern Hemisphere.

[48:28] Rose Matafeo:
"At Christmas time in New Zealand, it's summer. We're talking summer salads, glazed ham, lamb, roast potatoes, and jellies."

Ed and James share their preferences, debating the merits of traditional roast dinners versus lighter, more varied meals.

[49:45] Ed Gamble:
"I prefer going all meat all day. Absolute nightmare, gastronomically."

[52:52] Ed Gamble:
"We have ham for breakfast—glazed ham with eggs and toast."

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Concluding Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, the hosts and Rose finalize her dream menu, blending creativity with personal tastes. They reflect on the joy of sharing meals, cultural traditions, and the importance of food in bringing people together.

[81:18] Ed Gamble:
"Thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant and bringing so many trolleys with you."

[82:31] Rose Matafeo:
"You can go and watch my special Horn Dog, though."

The episode ends on a festive note, with the hosts wishing listeners a Merry Christmas and hinting at future specials.

[83:21] Ed Gamble:
"Merry Christmas, everyone. We'll see you next week."

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Notable Quotes

• Rose Matafeo [26:00]:
  "I don't believe in starters. Starters are a stuffy remnant of restaurant culture."

• Ed Gamble [27:13]:
  "I'm choosing wax now. I can't answer any more questions."

• James Acaster [10:43]:
  "It's like the Zodiac Killer giving himself away."

• Rose Matafeo [23:35]:
  "I have been recently diagnosed with silent acid reflux at the tender age of 32."

• Ed Gamble [08:30]:
  "I read Google reviews for comfort at night and aggregate some sort of scoring or review from all the ones I read."

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Final Thoughts

This Christmas special episode of "Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster" offers a delightful blend of humor, heartfelt conversations, and culinary creativity. Rose Matafeo's participation adds a fresh dynamic, making it an engaging listen for both new and existing fans of the podcast. Whether you're a foodie, a comedy enthusiast, or someone looking for festive inspiration, this episode serves up a hearty helping of entertainment.

Transcript

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[A]

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[B]

Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Taking one of the ingredients of eggnog, adding in the humor of the other ingredient of the eggnog and pouring it into whatever Internet that you drink the eggnog I don't know anything about eggnog, but I feel like I should have. I'm doing a Christmasy themed intro, James.

[C]

Yeah, it's pretty, you know, some people would have gone out nutmeg. Nutmeg, Definitely nutmeg.

[B]

Of the Internet that is Edgar.

[C]

My name is James Acaster. Together we own a dream restaurant. Merry Christmas.

[B]

Merry Christmas.

[C]

Every single week, we invite in a guest and we ask them their favorite ever start and main course, dessert side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week our guest is Rose Matafeo.

[B]

Rose Matafeo, a wonderful comedian, writer, director, actor. So many things going on in Rose's life, James.

[C]

Incredible. And it's a Christmas episode as well. So we'll be asking Rose her dream Christmas dinner as well.

[B]

We will.

[C]

The little extra course in there.

[B]

Happy Christmas, by the way.

[C]

Happy Christmas, Ed. Happy Christmas, Benito.

[B]

Happy Christmas, Benito. Benito gave us a thumbs up. Didn't even look us in the eye.

[C]

It's nice of him. Now, even though it's Christmas, there is a secret ingredient that if Rose picks it, we will be forced to kick her out of the dream restaurant.

[B]

On Christmas. On Christmas of all days.

[C]

We won't feel good about it.

[B]

No.

[C]

And this week, the secret ingredient is horn dogs.

[B]

So I don't think. I mean, she's not gonna pick it. Cause I don't know what it is.

[C]

Roasted. A show called horn Dog. I guess we're thinking that it sounds like hot dog.

[B]

Yeah, Hot diggity dog.

[C]

I did a show called hot diggity dog. Of course, maybe that will come up that you've both done dog shows.

[B]

Dog shows. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. But I mean, horn dog essentially is a horny person, I think.

[B]

Yes, I think so.

[C]

But it sounds like a food.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And look, people might get annoyed at this and go, well, she's clearly not going to pick it because it's not a food.

[B]

It's Christmas, guys.

[C]

It's Christmas. Come on, It's Christmas.

[B]

Relax.

[C]

And we're running out of secret ingredients. What do you want from us? Anything that sounds like a food now is making it in.

[B]

Yeah. The secret ingredient for the entire next series is horn dogs.

[C]

Yeah. That's what the secret ingredient section will always be.

[B]

Rose did a brilliant show called Horn Dog at the Edinburgh Fringe. It won the Edinburgh Comedy Award. Yes, of course. And first time nominated for it and it won. Yeah, it was incredible. So it can be done, Jo.

[C]

It can be done. It can be done in one. You just get it over with full respect to people who do that in.

[B]

And Out.

[C]

I mean, look, again, you're just going to reveal the schedule of the Off Menu podcast. We're interviewing two Edinburgh Comedy Award winners today.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Let's see how many of my questions of how did you do it? Will end up in the edits.

[B]

I love it.

[C]

Yeah, of course you do.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm in the best position.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Never in the running.

[C]

Yeah. Don't have to worry about it.

[B]

Very chill about the whole thing.

[C]

He loves it. Well, look, it's Christmas, so maybe. Maybe they will tell me the secrets.

[B]

Yes. They'll wrap them up.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

The secrets of the awards.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm looking forward to hearing what food Rose picks, though, because she's a foodie.

[C]

She's a foodie. She loves food. Christmas dinner as well, we're going to have. Yeah, I like hearing what people have for Christmas dinner. Each time it's always a little bit different.

[B]

Yeah. And it will be different because what. What do you have for Christmas dinner in New Zealand?

[C]

That's. That's the South African. So without further ado, because we don't want him doing that again, what do.

[B]

You want for Christmas dinner in New Zealand?

[C]

This is the off District 9. This is the off menu menu of Rose. Matteo Rose Matte.

[B]

Welcome, Rose, to the Dream Restaurant.

[A]

Thank you for having me.

[C]

Welcome to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.

[A]

I'm so happy to be here, guys.

[B]

We've been to lots of restaurants together before.

[A]

Yeah, we have. Yeah, we've been to lots of restaurants.

[B]

Really annoyed when you said, yeah, we have.

[A]

No, I'm just. I. There was such an explosive entry that I got overwhelmed. Yes, yeah, yeah, I got overwhelmed.

[C]

That's on me.

[B]

People do get overwhelmed by the genie and that's fine.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. But at least we've met before. Imagine when we have guests on who don't know me.

[A]

Who don't know you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

They don't like that bit.

[A]

Yeah, we have been to a lot of restaurants before. Love dining out.

[B]

Yeah. You're a foodie. You know what you're talking about.

[A]

Well, yeah, I guess so. I'm a foodie. Do you think I know what I'm talking about?

[B]

Yeah, I think so. You know what you like.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Who's not a foodie?

[B]

Loads of people.

[A]

You know, once actually, for the very brief, brief spell I was ever on Hinge, one of the, you know, they had to do prompts. You can choose your own prompts.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And one of the prompts was a favorite meal. And then the person Answered, not a foodie. You got to choose that, man.

[B]

Yeah. Also, you can not be a foodie and still have a favorite meal.

[C]

To not even have a favorite meal.

[B]

Yeah, Just pick something boring that you have every day.

[C]

But, yeah, I mean, you're one of the first people who, like, I remember would Google.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Where's the best place to eat? Like, I hadn't met anyone who did that before, really. But it'd be like, right, we're going for tacos. We have to go and get the best tacos. I feel like that's important to you.

[A]

Well, that's. Yeah, I think I'm a big. I think they can quite get quite annoying sometimes, especially on holidays where you've got two people like that. I once went on holiday with a couple of my friends and my friend Eddie was the same. And so we would be both on Google Maps, Google Reviews, kind of warring as to where to go. But I think the technology, not the technology, but the community of Google Reviews has gotten so much better since back in the day where I do that. And yet. And I feel guilt about this. I have never given back to the community. I've never once written a Google review. Have you guys?

[C]

No, no.

[A]

We can't though, right? Because our names would come up and that'd be quite weird.

[B]

Are you reading the names? I'm not reading the names.

[A]

I'm reading the names.

[B]

You're reading the names?

[A]

Oh, my God. I'm taking names. I'm taking names, taking numbers. I read Google reviews for comfort at night. I go. I will. I will go to restaurants that, like, I've never been to, have no intention of going to. And just read every single review.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And just kind of aggregate some sort of scoring or review from all the ones I read. But. But I do feel guilt because I rely on them so much.

[B]

Yeah. And you're never giving back.

[A]

I've never really given back.

[B]

What do you. What's your threshold on Google Reviews for a restaurant? Oh, that's a great star, starwise.

[A]

I looked up a place that I had been recently and it got a 2.4.

[B]

And I said, oh, my God.

[A]

I was surprised.

[C]

But you liked it?

[A]

I didn't mind it, but then the reviews were much more. I think there are different categories of, like, about a 2.4 is that one is like, poor food hygiene.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And there's a second category of like, the person who works there has got, like, has named in all of these.

[B]

It's the best. When it's like the woman who Wore this. And you're like, it's all. You're like, I'm pretty sure that's the same person.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

As was mentioned in the previous one.

[A]

If you're connecting the dots, you're building this picture like it's. It's a Google review section. Tells a whole story for sure. Like there was this particular roast shop where they were like, yeah, the woman is so. They're so rude. And you could tell it was the same woman. And then there's the thing where it's like when they start responding to the bad reviews. That's awesome as well. I had a. I looked up the Google reviews for a Laundromat. No longer functioning. Great Laundromat. But the stone you did. And the photos that were uploaded was just the laundromat where the car had smashed into the window and from multiple angles. And I was like, who's uploading that to the Google review section of it?

[B]

It's just. Yeah, but when it's like a long list of bad reviews, like one stars and that all about a rude member of staff that makes me want to go to that place.

[A]

It's like, totally.

[B]

I hope I go there and I get that person and I get to see the celebrity, the rude lady.

[A]

I also think that some of them are smear campaigns.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you can tell sometimes because then they'll start responding, saying you're trying to like basically shut down businesses. You can just go and, you know, totally mess up someone's review kind of, you know, score. I've seen that happen before with you.

[B]

Can see different account names like, but giving one star. But they'll use like similar turns of phrase in the reviews and like, this is the same guy. Yes, this is the same guy. He used to go out with the rude lady.

[C]

It's like Zodiac Killer giving himself away.

[B]

Oh my God. James is obsessed with Zodiac Killer today for some reason.

[A]

I'm obsessed with Zodiac Killer in general. But why today? Because there's a new Netflix show.

[C]

Yeah, I watched that. I watched that.

[A]

Was it good?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

He knows who did it.

[C]

I definitely know who the Zodiac is. I can't stop thinking about it.

[B]

4.2 and above for me, I think stars wise on Google reviews. Yeah, pretty.

[A]

That's pretty high.

[B]

Yeah. Well, if I'm looking for someone good, I'm not going below 4. Never. If I see 3.99.

[A]

Okay. But then it has. It has to do with how many reviews though as well. Like a 4.2 and a 3 reviews.

[B]

Very true. Yeah. But if it's got like a thousand Reviews and it's 4.2 rock solid.

[A]

If it's got a thousand reviews and it's 3.8, I'm still giving it a shot.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I'm gonna go recent. I'm gonna go. Then I'm gonna sort of filter by most recent because it could be that they've gotten better. I'm going to give it a go.

[B]

I think in this country, you've got to go 4 and above because everyone gives 5 stars as a default for stuff.

[C]

How do you feel about the use of the term in this country? There?

[A]

In this country.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That's interesting.

[C]

Yeah, that was interesting for me.

[B]

Well, if you let me make my second point. We've all been to Japan this year. They're much harsher markers.

[A]

Are they?

[B]

So you can look for a 3.5, and it's going to be an amazing restaurant because. And you read some of the reviews, translate some of the reviews, and they're going, this was excellent. The food was really nice. The service was good. Three.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

They're like, solid.

[A]

Okay, so it is different. Right? Right.

[B]

That's my use of the term, this country.

[C]

But they're reviewing it like food critics properly.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I have a friend who does that with Uber ratings. You know, everyone else just does five and that's it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And unless they're the worst driver in the world, in which case you just don't review them.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

I have a friend who's poppy. Like, that's a freestyle. What are you talking about?

[A]

Comments to him.

[C]

He's like. He'll have reasons. You ask him, why have you given that star rating? He would say the things that were good, things that were bad about it.

[B]

But is he doing that in the app, though? You can't.

[C]

No, he doesn't just. We'll do the star rating that he thinks is appropriate.

[A]

What's his. Do you know what his rating is?

[C]

No, actually, I should ask him what his rating is. I imagine not great.

[A]

Yeah. But then they don't know. He could be a really amazing passenger.

[B]

Yeah. They don't know what. He's really harsh credit.

[C]

He is quite a good person. Yeah. Before we start your meal, you got a comedy special coming out, Rose. It's very exciting. Yes. What can you tell the listeners about it?

[A]

It's. It's a comedy special. It's a. It's a taped version of a live show I've been doing over the past year. I don't know when it's Coming out in this place.

[B]

This country.

[A]

This country.

[C]

This country.

[A]

This country. This country. Our country. Yeah. No, it's. It's. It's a show I've been doing. I did Melbourne and Edinburgh and stuff. And it's honestly just stand up. Last time I did a lot of screens and I was like, I can't be bothered. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's just me talking and it turns out that might not be that interesting. This is the worst promo.

[B]

What's it called, please?

[A]

It's called on and on and on. And I guess that's all I've been doing. Junior taskmaster as well. Wrapping up is on right now.

[B]

It's on right now. As you're listening.

[C]

Punk kids.

[A]

Punk kids.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I'll say that.

[B]

There's a lot of punks in there. There's a lot of very precocious kids.

[A]

But they're all lovely. So that would be.

[B]

And some very sweet kids as well. It's a good mix of kids.

[A]

Very good mix of kids. Very, very much like a Willy Wonka esque mix of kids.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you know what I mean?

[B]

But nice versions.

[C]

So they have it like.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, on like regular taskmaster, they have like always have an elder statesman.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Is there one kid that's like nine or something?

[A]

It kind of is because it's all from 9 to 11, you know, the conspiracy. But I always think that they're like, they all age from 9 to 11. I'm like, why did you use those twins? There was, there was a. That's the funny thing though. When you're a kid and someone's a year older than you, you're like, whoa.

[C]

Tell me about it. Yeah.

[A]

Tell me about the year above.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, yeah, so that's all things I've done.

[B]

Where can people watch the special?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Still or sparkling water?

[A]

Okay. Still or sparkling? Still, thank you. Sorry, I was trying to match your energy there. I would love some still.

[B]

Yes. Not a sparkling fan.

[A]

No.

[B]

Or a big fan of still?

[A]

I'm a big fan of still.

[C]

No.

[A]

Sparkling makes me burpee. Does remind me of Willy Wonka when he has the fizzy lifting drink. That's how I feel when I have sparkling. Also, I once.

[C]

How do you feel about that scene in Willy Wonka? In Willy Wonka. Is it a sad scene for you?

[A]

It's a sad scene because Grandpa Joe absolutely does him the dirty. I really do find that actually quite in a really emotional. Emotional scene because Charlie is he. He didn't do anything wrong. And he gets told off so bad at the end of that. And it's fucking Grandpa Joe who's like, let's just do it. And then. Yeah, and then the roof has to be washed and sterilized. And it's a. It's. Yeah, it's a. It's a sad that. So. That probably from a very young age, taught me not to drink.

[B]

So sparkling water reminds you of fizzy lifting drink, but the telling off that Charlie gets at the end of having fizzy lifting.

[A]

I don't like getting told off. Yeah, horrible telling off.

[B]

I really hate getting told off, like, big time. I want to make sure everyone knows that I'm in a position where I can't be told off at all times. But when I think of the fizzy lifting drink scene, I'm thinking of them floating in the air doing burps. I'm not thinking of the telling off at the end.

[C]

I think even as a kid, the first time I saw it, I was thinking, they're going to get told off that I was like, that's bad.

[A]

Yeah, that's bad, man.

[B]

Yeah, Especially by Wonka. Getting told off by Wonka, man.

[C]

With that Wonka. Especially, like, I wouldn't care if, like, Johnny Depp's Wonka was telling me off.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. You've been up. Come on, mate. You've been up to all sorts of nonsense.

[A]

100%.

[C]

But, like, wasn't what I was thinking. But, like. But G. Wilder's Wonka is, you know.

[A]

Also Grandpa Joe after you've just seen Violet Beauregard become a blueberry, Augustus Gloop fall into a fucking chocolate river. All of these lessons learned. He goes, charlie, come stick back.

[C]

Let's.

[A]

Let's do something.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. What happens to Mike TV again?

[C]

Gets shrunk real small.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Gets shrunk real small.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then he has to get stretched, doesn't he?

[C]

Oh, yeah, that's going stretch him.

[A]

He goes, rich. He got shrunk real small. He gets put in his mummy's handbag. Yeah, but we get to see a big old block of chocolate.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

That is a good bit.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

Sorry, I didn't mean to derail the podcast into Willy Wonka Chet so early.

[B]

No, you simply took the podcast in the direction we'd like it to go.

[C]

Yeah, I'd love to talk. I mean, we haven't actually, you know, talked about that film on this podcast.

[A]

Are you kidding?

[B]

We have so many times. I mean, I'd say maybe on 12 episodes, but I don't think we've not delved into the telling off after the Fizzy lifting room.

[C]

I watched it so much as a.

[A]

Kid, I think it's one of my top 10 favorite films. I have actually looked into trying to buy on Etsy. The wallpaper. Lickable Wallpaper.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It's great how you make it and you can. You can melt down sweets and then paint it and then. So it becomes, you know.

[B]

That's a very rose thing.

[A]

It's a very me thing to do. Yeah. To look into it and then absolutely do nothing about it.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

1,000 tabs on it, I'd say definitely.

[B]

The looking into it would take a long time. Looking into it, imagining how you're going to do it and then I think you would go as far to do it and post pictures of it and stuff.

[A]

I have mentioned Willy Wonka so much in Stand up, all this. I'm obsessed with his mum and the massive wooden spoon that she turned. She makes. She does that laundry soup with, you know.

[C]

Oh, Charlie's mum.

[A]

Charlie's mum. When she sings her sad song. Yeah. She's got a massive, like, salad tong.

[B]

You remember all the saddest bits from Willy Wonka, don't you?

[C]

There's a lot of sadness in there, I guess.

[A]

Yeah, there's a huge amount of sadness. That and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, I think, are really actually truly dark films of the 70s, children's films of the 70s that, yeah, have a lot of amazing food moments, but also a lot of sad, emotional moments as well.

[B]

I'm flying car.

[C]

Right.

[B]

That's what I'm remembering.

[C]

G.G. bang Bang Wildcatcher.

[B]

Yeah, sure. But he's a laugh, isn't he? No, he's dancing around all over the.

[C]

Place, talking about it's horrible lollipops with the treats.

[B]

Yeah. When he's, like walking around the courtyard, like, trying to get the children to come out. That's pretty scary.

[A]

Yeah. The King and Queen of. They hate children. I kind of like them, to be honest.

[B]

Yeah, she's.

[A]

She's hot. She's hot. Have you seen her recently?

[B]

Go on YouTube recently.

[C]

You like her now?

[A]

Recently seen a video of her. You got to check it out.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. All right. As a little tip for you guys listening, go and check out the Queen from Chitty Chitty Bang.

[A]

See those out summers. She's got corset on long plaits. It's crazy. So, yes, I'm still pleased still, because sparkling also bad for your teeth.

[B]

Yes. So we keep hearing, but I feel like now and again it's probably fine.

[A]

Oh yeah. For a treat. For a treat for sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What temp do you want this still water. Okay.

[A]

I wasn't really. Yeah, I didn't know there would be a follow up question. You know what? Just a little bit above room. I do love a cold water though. But again, is it bad for the health?

[B]

Do you think cold water is bad for the health?

[A]

Yeah, really cold water because you're heating, you're heating it up in your body like it should be room temp.

[B]

I really think if you're worrying about that, how, how are you getting through life? Right.

[A]

If you're worrying about that, you're, you're trying to, you know, you're taking your son's blood or whatever to I don't know, like whatever that tech billionaire does.

[B]

Yeah, he's not. That guy's not drinking cold water.

[A]

He's not drinking cold water.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And he's harvesting his son's plasma.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That poor son.

[A]

That poor son.

[C]

What a life.

[B]

What's he gonna do when he's older?

[A]

Upload his brain to a USB or something?

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

Leave his body to his dad.

[B]

I can't wait for the brand new USBs.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I am really, I'm not only can't wait, I'm relying on them.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, sure.

[A]

I'm relying on them to come through with that tech.

[B]

How are you going to, what are you going to save bits of your brain?

[A]

Well, I think it's more San Junipero kind of black mirror vibe of like pop me in a simulation for, for the rest of time. Pop my brain on the usb.

[C]

What simulation would you want to be in? Where would you want to be?

[A]

That's a good question.

[C]

Is it somewhere you've never been before or is it a happy time in your life?

[A]

Probably somewhere I've never been. So it doesn't feel like Groundhog Day. So, chocolate factory, supermarket. No, I'd have been to a supermarket, but that'd be great. Just be a supermarket for the rest of time. No, I don't know. Yeah, that's a good question.

[B]

Not the chocolate factory.

[A]

No, not the chocolate factory.

[B]

You don't want to go there.

[A]

No, I want to get told off.

[B]

Yeah, this is your simulation. You don't have to be told off. You could be Wonka.

[C]

I get scared of being told off.

[B]

Not if you're Wonka. Although you're constantly worried about slow kid.

[A]

There are rules. No, I want to Go to that factory. Of course there's rules in that factory.

[B]

There's no rules in that factory. Really? He's making up stupid rules.

[C]

But if there's no rules, why is he telling people off, Ed?

[B]

Yeah. Because he's got a problem, that guy. But when Rose is Willy Wonka in her brain simulation, then the whole factory's.

[C]

Gonna run out of control. It's gonna go nuts, because there's no rules.

[A]

There has to be some order for there to be some fun.

[B]

Okay, well, there you go. That's the most rosematiferous sentence I've ever heard in my life.

[A]

That's true. Pog absorbed bread.

[C]

Pogbs or bread right by the man.

[A]

I think I come unpr. Yeah. Papadoms. Papadoms.

[B]

Why papadoms over bread? I don't think of you as anti bread.

[A]

No, I'm not anti bread. I mean. I mean, I love putting a carb against a carb. I quite often poll people on bread versus rice. So if you were to choose one for the rest of your life, would you choose.

[B]

It was bread, obviously.

[A]

Rice, man.

[B]

I didn't realize there was a right answer.

[A]

There is a rice. There is a right answer. Yeah, there is. I also do my rank. I've done your rank. Your meats question to you as well.

[B]

Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

[A]

It's a good one. But with popper dums and bread bread, papa domes, man, the crunch, the taste, the salt, the volume.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The amount you can eat, it's just. Yeah. No question. If you're in a restaurant and someone brings out a plate of papadoms, you're happy. You're, like, thrilled. You're like, can I have more bread? Is there.

[B]

Depends what restaurant, though. If you have an amazing bread, it's exciting.

[A]

Yeah. But the spectrum of bad bread to good bread is much wider, I think, than a bad papadom to a good papadum.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

I think it's much more consistent.

[B]

Yeah. Are you dipping anything with the popping arms? Are you?

[A]

I'm. I'm not. I'm laying. I'm laying stuff on top. I can't dip 2. Two week.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It depends on the quality of the popper. Dumb, really, but I'm going a magno mango chutney. Yeah, Mango chutney.

[B]

Then the writer on top of the mango chutney.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you're. You're sort of piling. You're piling.

[A]

I'm piling, yeah. And then maybe if I'm feeling insane, a tiny sliver of the onion. One but not now. Not at this age.

[B]

Not at this age.

[C]

What's happened at this age?

[A]

Onions, man.

[B]

Onions. Not your friend.

[A]

I've recently been diagnosed with silent acid reflux.

[C]

Have you?

[B]

This is an exclusive for the podcast, guys.

[C]

Here we go. It's never happened before.

[B]

This is like when Stephen Fry went on.

[A]

This is the emotional bit that you clip up.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I have been recently diagnosed silence reflux at the tender age of 32, which is a form of acid reflux where I don't get heartburn, but it goes all the way up, and it has given me mild laryngitis for. For years now, apparently.

[B]

So silent acid reflux.

[C]

Yeah, but deadly.

[B]

Silent but deadly.

[A]

Silent but deadly. Because it's not giving you heartburn, so you don't know you have it.

[B]

So. So it's fine then.

[A]

No, no, no. Because it gives you leverage. It gives you acid reflux in the night and stuff. So I gotta have Gaviscon, which is. I'm. I cannot stand this stuff. It's terrible.

[B]

I just want to nail down. If it's giving you acid reflux but you're not feeling it.

[A]

I'm feeling it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But not. I'm not getting the heartburn. Okay, so it's silent in the sense that heartburn is usually the biggest symptom of acid reflux.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Which I have not experienced.

[B]

So what are your symptoms then, for acid reflux?

[A]

Are you doubting?

[B]

No, I'm not. I'm saying I'm trying to nail down. I don't know what the other. What the other symptoms are. So you said you're feeling it.

[A]

How do you feel coughing in the night?

[B]

Coughing. Okay, thank you.

[A]

Post nasal drip. Post nasal, constant, relentless, mild laryngitis. Okay.

[B]

Yes, thank you.

[A]

Do you want to. Do you want a note? I got to know from the doctor.

[B]

Silent acid refill.

[A]

Well, it means, though, I have to stop, you know, eating late and, you know, figuring out what your triggers are and all stuff. It just. It's. It's sad, isn't it?

[B]

Yeah, I can't do it. And onions are a real trigger for that, I think.

[A]

Onions and garlic, isn't it? Yeah, it sucks, man.

[C]

What was the final thing that made you go to the doctors? I've got to sort this problem out, this. Silent. But you didn't know it's like acid reflux at the time.

[A]

Well, I completely lost my voice after a run of shows, and so I went to the. And then that. Yeah, I went to an ENT doctor and he put the camera down my nose oh, no, I saw my vocal cords. Saw my. Saw my throat. That was pretty freaky.

[B]

Do you put a camera down your nose?

[A]

Yeah. Really good question. Back into your nose.

[B]

Because I guess you go back and down, don't you?

[A]

Back and down. Back and down to the throat.

[B]

But you go. Do you go up and back and down?

[A]

It's up and back and down.

[B]

It's up.

[A]

Yeah, Sorry.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

He did say that. He did say that he was doing it. He's like.

[C]

Let'S get into your menu proper.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Dream starter.

[A]

Okay. Yes. I'm crazy. Can I just say this? I don't believe in starters.

[C]

Yeah, good on you.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

Oh, gosh.

[A]

I knew. Okay, so I knew that you were. I mean, look, I'm not so familiar.

[B]

We've had starters. We've had starters before together.

[A]

Yeah, I know. I know. And I think starters are.

[B]

You didn't hear you fucking complaining then.

[A]

I think starters. Oh, I'm not complaining. Cause it's food. It's more food. Starters, I think, are a stuffy remnant of restaurant culture where it's like, oh, I have my little starter and then I have a fucking Bring it all out, man. I don't want a little Goddamn. It's always a terrine or some shit, you know, Like, I don't care.

[B]

It's always a terrine.

[A]

It's always a terrine. It's always a scallop. Maybe. Yeah, I just. I think starters as a thing. Scallops are nice. Scallops are actually nice. But yeah, I think for me, genuinely, because I would prefer to eat as much as I can, as fast as I can.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

I think pacing myself, that's where I fuck myself. So I. As my starter, I choose Japanese wax. Figure of food. Okay. So I'm choosing wax now. I can't answer any more questions.

[C]

You've been in. Now, you have been into these things for a long time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wax or resin?

[C]

When did you. When did you get into the wax foods and watching videos of them on.

[A]

YouTube, so probably from a long time ago. I think Werner Herzog actually did a straight. Like a. Did a documentary clip about this that was on early YouTube. Since then, a lot more content is on YouTube about JAP, the Japanese art of making. You guys know this. You've both been to Japan this year?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Also, I'm also. I'm married to my wife.

[A]

This is true. I've seen it happen.

[B]

And also we have a big melting wax ice cream on our mantelpiece. From Japan. Yes.

[A]

Well, they have That's a. Wax. Is sort of an old. More old school version, I think.

[B]

This is resin.

[A]

Maybe this is resin. Yeah. So the most popular YouTube video is watching people make lettuce and wax. But it's just. It's honestly one of the most beautiful things to watch. It brings a tear to the eye.

[B]

Are these the same things that. So there's a video that my wife Charlie watches a lot and is like, I'll come watch this video again. Amy Sedaris is obsessed with fake food.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And has a whole house.

[A]

I tried to buy one of fake cakes.

[B]

Has a whole house full of fake food.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And Charlie shows that to me as if, like, oh, this is what I want to be. That I want to be this lady. I'm like, I don't see anyone else living with that lady.

[A]

I would live with challenge. I think we've got that in common. Massively.

[B]

But it's.

[A]

Fake food is so, so. Oh, it's so exciting. I mean, for those who don't know what I'm talking about, it's in Japan. Right. Instead of, like, menus, sometimes in the windows, you'll make fake versions of the meals, and they're just so accurate, it's insane. They used to do it out of wax, now they do it out of plastic. But. But yeah, the process is absolutely incredible.

[B]

This whole. Like, there's districts in Tokyo where all of the shops just sell those things.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it is fun to look around at them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I do like it. And I really like the. I like the pint glasses with the beer pouring into it. I really like that one.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Can we. Can we talk about for one second? The damn bowl of ramen noodles with the chopsticks going up and down outside of restaurants.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

There's one in London, I think there's one West London. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Outside Japan. The Japan store.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you like the. I can't remember where it is now. You two might remember there's a statue of a boy running away from a dog. And the dog's pulling his trousers down. You can see his butt. No, There's a statue outside a restaurant. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. I didn't see that statue.

[B]

We went back there.

[A]

Did you guys go to the cup Noodle Museum in Osaka?

[B]

No.

[A]

You've been there. That's cool. You can make your own cup noodle.

[B]

Yeah. What did you put in yours?

[A]

Corn.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Spring onions. Mushrooms, maybe. I didn't. I never ate it.

[C]

No.

[B]

You prefer a fake one, though?

[A]

I did get a candle that looked like a cup Noodle.

[B]

Well, there you go. Another wax food, 100%.

[A]

So, yeah, if someone brought out a cup noodle looking candle wax candle for my starter, I'd be like, so.

[B]

So hang on. So we've discussed it now. So now I need to wrap. Wrap my head around this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You don't want to start it to the extent you'd rather just look at something that looks like food that you can't eat.

[A]

I want a novelty.

[B]

You want a novelty?

[A]

I want it. Yeah. A favor. A party favor.

[B]

So you're taking this home with you?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[C]

And what is the food again? The wax?

[A]

Yeah, that's a really good. That's a good question. Maybe just a lettuce. A head of lettuce.

[B]

So not even something that would be a good starter.

[C]

I think, though, it worked. Have you ever seen Rose watch these videos?

[B]

No, I'm not sure I've seen Rose.

[C]

Watch these videos and I'd say it's as much pleasure as people get from having a starter because.

[A]

Wow. I know.

[C]

I only saw it once. Yeah, you were sitting there with your hands folded across your chest and every time they made a different food. Rosa, go. Lettuce. Yeah. Cucumber pickle. I like. I just would say it to herself and it was calming and really to see that she's in a very happy place watching it.

[B]

So do you. Do you want them to bring it out and it's made, or do you want someone to come out and make it in front of you?

[A]

That's a great, great question. Yeah, that's actually true. I want to see it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To be honest, maybe I just want a YouTube video. I want an iPad.

[B]

No, this is the dream restaurant. We can.

[A]

Okay, fine.

[B]

We can bring you out an expert on it.

[A]

I can get the guy.

[B]

Yeah, you can get the guy to make it in front of you, and then you can sit there and silently.

[A]

Go, ladies, you know what I've upgraded to? I've upgraded to a YouTube account called Dancing Bacons, who's a man who goes around and goes to the most interesting, like, vending machines all around the world.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And it's all point of view, and he has not one negative review of any of the foods that he eats.

[C]

So.

[A]

So, like, my favorite ones are when he goes on, like, a Japanese overnight ferry and he only can eat from the vending machines. And it's very silent and it's just. So it's the most. It's like a brain. It's like the washing of my brain to watch A man order things from a vending machine. Just eat it and enjoy it. Oh, man. Yeah. So. But I think for the purposes of the restaurant, I want to see a man come out, give me a full. A full lettuce.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Chop it in half.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I want to see the cross section.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And then I want everyone to clap.

[B]

Everyone, yeah. Who else is there?

[A]

I don't know. Around town, a crowd. A crowd. A crowd has gathered.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Because of the crowd's gathered.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And then we see him make the knife hot cut through the lettuce.

[B]

There you go. And that's your starter. Hard to beat.

[A]

I don't want to say it earlier, but hard to beat, huh?

[B]

Your dream main course, Will this be food?

[A]

It will be. Oh, it'll be. Oh, it will be food.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

There will be food. Okay. So main course. Now, people find this difficult, right, to choose.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Because it's so many, like, different. I guess you could be like, oh, it's the last meal I ever want to eat, or the thing I want to eat the most of. If I could eat the most of it and not, you know, it not affect me. But I think for me thinking about this, I'm going to say all you can eat. Yum cha restaurant. So I want to talk about this. Well, this is your platform because in this country.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yum cha. We're in the UK no longer. Well, in London, yum cha restaurants don't really exist as much Dim sum does.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But yum cha with the full trolley service.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Is something that in New Zealand is still a massive thing.

[B]

Yeah. But here and in China. Shout out to China.

[A]

Shout out to China.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

OGs. OGs on the yum cha. So it's basically New Zealand and China do this thing.

[B]

We don't actually know who did it first.

[C]

Right. There's no way of proving it.

[A]

We can't prove it's very much like the pavlova. We don't know who did the yum cha restaurant first. So, yeah, I find it interesting. I think I've heard tell of a restaurant called New World Restaurant in Chinatown back in the day, which was yum cha. But I think it's possibly. Yeah. I was trying to think of, like, what's my favourite dining experience and how do I like eating food. And I think I like eating food having lots of different options. I really struggle to choose.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

On a menu, you'll know this probably as well. I mean, you both know this. I don't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I will Eat whatever the other person's eat. Like, you know, I want to mix and match. But yamcha is perfect because it's small bits of every single delicious thing.

[B]

So the trolley comes past.

[A]

Trolley comes past.

[B]

And are they taking you through what's on the trolley?

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's part of the experience.

[B]

Take you through the whole. The whole trolley.

[A]

Take me through the whole trolley. We're going to the dumplings trolley. Dumplings trolley, yeah. I'm getting a prawn and chive.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Getting a. Just a normal prawn. A prawn and coriander. Underrated. Probably a pork shumai.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Probably those logs, those rice rolls that have the prawns in it.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Then we go to the more adventurous trolley, which usually yum chai restaurants, if they come across your table of, you know, confused white people, they're like, we're not going to show you this.

[B]

This trolley's not for you.

[A]

This trolley is not for you. And I respect the hell out of that.

[B]

This is the chicken feet trolley.

[A]

This is the chicken feet trolley, which I do get. I do get chicken. Sometimes they're nice. Sometimes they're a bit too gelatinous for me.

[B]

I eat chicken feet and I don't know whether I eat chicken feet because I like chicken feet or I want to show off that I'm eating chicken feet.

[A]

I think it's always the ladder. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is always the ladder, but it's. It's that, yeah, there's some hardcore stuff on that trolley that I don't know if I.

[B]

What else is on the hardcore trolley?

[A]

What a tripe sometimes, eh?

[B]

Yeah, I love tripe. I genuinely like tripe. Yeah, yeah. I think it's really.

[A]

I haven't had tripe in a long time.

[B]

It's. I mean, it's. I have tripe at. When we go for hot pot as well. Always have a bit of tripe, maybe some chicken feet there as well. But tripe at Mountain, the restaurant mountain that we put together.

[A]

Oh, yeah. No, we had tripe.

[B]

Tripe was really good.

[A]

That was tripe.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of course, that was the last time I had tried.

[B]

And they put, like. They put pork in there and stuff. They really worked really hard on it and they take out a lot of the farmyardy stuff and people were really.

[A]

Impressed that we ate that.

[B]

Tripe's another. Tripe's another one where you're like, yeah, you're damn right I'm eating tripe.

[C]

Who was impressed? What, the staff?

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Well, actually, Charlie wasn't impressed.

[A]

Wasn't Charlie impressed?

[B]

No, she thought it was disgusting. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I think Nisha thought it was disgusting.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah.

[A]

What other mates are there? Like, there's always, like. It's always big, bony things, isn't it?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Anything gristly and a bit. Yeah, yeah. But you probably won't go for that trolley on the dream menu. You're thinking, stick with the dim sum trolley.

[A]

I'd go with a lot of. No, I'd probably be adventurous. A lot of the dim sum. I'd try the meats. I would just go. I just go hard. I think I'd be more adventurous with the desserts. You know, the ones that would be like a square of jelly with chickpeas in it. You're like, hell, yeah, that's not for me.

[C]

Is that for your main course as well, the dessert trolley from the.

[A]

Really good question. Okay, so what would you. What would you classify an egg tart at a yum cha restaurant? Is that dessert or is that a savory?

[B]

Are you having it at the end of the meal now?

[A]

Sometimes in the middle. Because. Because sometimes the egg tarts, right, you never know when they're coming out. Cause, like, they come out in batches and so you have to get them quick. So I will get them mid meal sometimes. You know what I mean? I'm normal and good.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Just you tackling some poor woman on a cart, pushing the egg tarts. You're in the door, they've not seated you yet. Give me the fucking egg tarts.

[A]

Free freaking plates of egg tarts. Yeah, but you have to. You have to put in orders early. Yeah, but I. I'd say it's a. It's a fl. It's a. Like, it's not like a pastel de nata. Because every culture has its custard version of a custard tart. Right?

[B]

That's true.

[A]

But I think the Chinese custard tart or the Chinese tart. Yes.

[B]

Or New Zealand. We don't know. We don't know.

[C]

We don't know where.

[B]

We still haven't nailed this.

[A]

Then it can be both. It's savory enough to be both.

[B]

Yeah. I think we're not going to pick you up on it because I think the idea of having this entire Yum Char experience, the dessert, comes as part of that. It's another trolley food. So of course you can throw dessert in there for your main.

[A]

What's amazing about a Yamcha restaurant is that it's like, so Easy to get food and it's impossible to get a Coke. Like, you know, you'll be like, you order your order, like, oh, you get all the jasmine tea. 1. It's awesome. And then you'll just, like, want one glass of Coke. And that will come at the end of the meal because, like, they're just like, I don't fucking.

[B]

I can't. Yeah, we're busy.

[A]

We're fucking busy.

[B]

We're pushing the trolley up.

[A]

We can have this food for you.

[B]

Yeah. So byo, all of those dumplings sound amazing.

[A]

They sound good. What are your favorite dumplings at a Yamcha?

[C]

I mean, Sumai.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Pork and prawn.

[A]

Yeah, Pork and Pork and prawn. Yeah, of course. I'm really getting into those roles.

[B]

Any soup dumpling?

[A]

Oh, sorry.

[C]

Soup dumplings.

[A]

Oh, soup dumpling.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm an idiot, obviously. Soup dumpling.

[C]

Don't beat yourself up, man.

[A]

No, it's fine.

[B]

Because in New Zealand, where they were invented.

[A]

No, we actually that soup dumplings are much less common as they are here. And I think Chinatown in London has so many amazing soup dumplings. So I've gotten way more into them and, oh, my God, they're good.

[B]

What's your technique?

[A]

Very gentle, very gentle. Prod off the paper. Sometimes I like to go from both angles. So pull up the dumpling and then pull away with the paper with my other, you know, hand. And then straight in, straight in.

[B]

You're not puncturing it.

[C]

Bites the top off quite often.

[B]

Bite the top off or puncture a little hole in the top to release some of the steam in the spoon. And then obviously, if it bursts, that's fine. You're still containing it within the spoon. Or maybe put a little bit of the vinegar and soy in the spoon and then dumpling in. So you're giving it a little bath and you're cooling it down at the same time. Really nice little hole all in.

[A]

Wow. I think you.

[B]

You're just going straight in.

[A]

I'm going straight in. Like a little water balloon.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I kind of like it because you can. Yeah, you feel like explode in your mouth. Also, you. Different restaurants, you know which ones come hot and which ones don't. I think certain ones, like dumpling Legend, they come a little bit not burning hot, so you can put the whole thing in.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

They're spicy ones. They're. They're awesome at the moment.

[B]

Shout out to dumpling legend. Oh, so good, so good. And they. Some of these restaurants in Chinatown know how to get you in and out quickly.

[A]

That is it. So that. That's maybe why I've chosen Yum Cha as well, is like speed. You don't have to, like, talk to people that much. They're shouting at you going, do you want this? And you're like, I want it. And that's it. And then you go, put it on a freaking thing. And it's. And it's a. You know, you can go to lots of bougie restaurants now that, like, get you to, like, tick things on menus, which I kind of hate when you actually have to, like.

[B]

Yes, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Still physically. Do you have to talk to the person? You know, there's kind of doesn't actually.

[B]

And you've got to make a decision by ticking. If you're confronted by a trolley, you're just going like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you're done.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

And it's too late to change it once it's done.

[A]

And also not knowing the price.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is awesome. Because it always, like. Because you're going with enough people that it always does come out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. In the end. So it takes away that horrible stress of when you're sharing. You can't. At a Yamcha. You can't be like, oh, I didn't have the fucking chicken's feet, or whatever.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Because, you know, you just gotta. You're all in. Get over it, get over it. And then you got a table that turns around as Lady Susan.

[B]

Yeah, that's good.

[A]

I don't know. It's good stuff. But, yeah, I do think I really enjoy the sort of efficiency of a Yamcha restaurant.

[B]

Yeah. Any, like, Chinese restaurant in Chinatown, like, especially the dumpling places where you're like, I am so hungry. And you can go from the hungriest you've ever been to the fullest you've ever been. And paid and at the restaurant in 10 minutes.

[A]

Yeah, 100%. I went somewhere the other day. They were like, we're closing in 10 minutes. And we're just like, okay, this is a sis. And then just came out in five minutes time. And you're like, this is so good.

[B]

Because this is your dream restaurant.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Obviously you've got three different trolleys coming around.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who do you want pushing each trolley?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

I know someone that you should want from something you've already mentioned in the podcast.

[A]

The ghost of Janewald.

[B]

Yeah. Well, he's on desserts, so there you go.

[C]

That's another film you've already mentioned in the pod. And how Much you love him and how much you love watching him on terrestrial television.

[A]

Oh, Harry Potter, Alan Rickman. What?

[C]

That old lady? Anything from the trolley? That old lady.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

That is too obscure to expect Rose to immediately know what you were talking about.

[C]

I'll tell you one person you should have.

[B]

You should have said straight away more.

[A]

I went from the ghost of June Wilder to then the ghost of Alan Rickman and then eventually to Anything on the Trolley. Now what's happening with her? Is she still. Is she still with us? Is she still with us?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, sure. She's hot.

[B]

Look her up now. She's hot.

[C]

She's crazy. She's. Yeah, she was in the Cursed Child as well. And that's the most recent installment of Stuff. She goes nuts in the Cursed Child.

[B]

Who played a Beniso?

[C]

Who played Anything from the Trolley?

[A]

Anything from the trolley, dears?

[C]

Jean Southern.

[B]

What else has she done?

[A]

And is she still with us?

[C]

Is she still with us? Yeah, she's 97, beautiful, respect.

[B]

And she's still doing what, eight shows a week in the Cursed Child.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm going to call Han. Gene, we need you at the restaurant tonight.

[C]

Yeah, she's retired but she can still push the trolley for you.

[B]

No, she deserves some time selecting from the trolley.

[A]

So she's on the round table. She's at the Outro restaurant with me.

[C]

If you're figured of people who've been good at pushing trolleys, namely one person is better than a. Yeah, that's true.

[A]

I would love maybe sort of in a punk style prank kind of show. Like it's lots of people like celebrities, but they're dressed up as like, you know, yum chow waiters.

[B]

If someone revealed themselves to be a celebrity and you thought they were a normal yum chow waiter, who would you be most excited to see? When they took the wig off.

[A]

They're wearing a wig. Yeah, 100% wearing a wig and a beard maybe.

[C]

Yeah, fake beard.

[B]

We know. Anything from the trolleys in, right?

[C]

Are you letting anything from the trolley in?

[A]

Yeah, if she wants, if she's in. Do you want her to have Harry.

[C]

Potter Wizarding World, like chocolate and stuff in there?

[A]

Some chocolate frogs and stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Just. It's just on the side a sweet dump. A sweet dumpling in the shape of a frog.

[A]

That'd be great.

[B]

Not bad.

[A]

I think. Okay. If I, if I got to be surprised by a celebrity, maybe just like Ben shepherd or something. I don't know. I don't know. Like someone quite funny. That would be like surprising.

[B]

Is Ben Shepard your holding pattern for a celebrity? If you can't think of celebrity, Ben Shepard's in there.

[A]

I think so. Or maybe any of the hosts of Escape to the Country. Okay, so all of the people who. Riding the trolleys are people who have hosted episodes of Escape to the country.

[B]

But they're in disguise.

[A]

But they're in disguise.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And they're expecting me to recognize them, but I possibly won't.

[B]

Especially if the first one takes off the disguise and you're like, oh, you. I think you.

[A]

I think I know you.

[B]

Post Escape to the country, the next one is gonna be even less surprising at this point.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So disappointing for them.

[A]

They're so nondescript. It cracks me up. I don't even know how many of them they have.

[B]

I couldn't tell you who.

[A]

Could not tell you their names. They're like. How many like. But there's so many of them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who are they? Who are they? Are they radio presenters? Are they real estate agents?

[B]

I don't think they're all real estate agents.

[C]

I don't think I've ever watched it.

[A]

Have you not?

[C]

No, I think it's.

[A]

I watch a lot of it. I watch a lot of it. I watch a lot of British television. Daytime tv. Yeah.

[B]

Did you start doing that when you first moved here to. Did you feel like you're assimilating by watching to this country?

[C]

To this country?

[A]

Yeah, I watched a lot of Pointless, a lot of back in the day where there was. It was still. What was that one where they would send teenagers over overseas and the parents would like be spying on them.

[B]

Snog married. Snog married.

[A]

It was something like.

[B]

No, it wasn't. Sorry. It was sun sex and suspicious parents. That was it. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. That's how I assimilated myself into this culture. And to be honest, it's pretty good.

[C]

Yeah, it's pretty good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Served me well. But Escape to the Country, a place in the sun, you know, all of that. I watch a lot of that.

[B]

Yeah. So they're. They're pushing the trolleys.

[C]

They're pushing the trolleys.

[A]

So people in daytime British television trolleys. What a difference a day makes.

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[A]

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[C]

Now because it's a Christmas special.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

We're going to do your bonus course, your Christmas dinner.

[A]

This is gonna piss you guys off because you guys are from this country.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so I'm from New Zealand and it's on the other side of the world. A different hemisphere.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

At Christmas time it's summer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're talking summer salads and we're talking ham, a big old glazed ham, Nice green salad, an egg salad, chop suey and taro, which is a Samoan food which my dad would make roast potatoes.

[B]

So he was still throwing roast Potatoes in there?

[A]

Yeah, weirdly, yeah. Still roast potatoes, but they would go quite well.

[B]

Are they a little bit, like, colder? Would you have, like, a colder roast potato to go with, like, salad or.

[A]

They'd usually have lamb.

[B]

Right, okay.

[A]

Warm lamb, hot roast potatoes, but then lots of cold elements as well.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's a bit of a mishmash.

[B]

To be honest to me. This sounds better. I prefer this even on a winter's day. Do you reckon, in England? Yeah. Because I find the roast dinner quite a difficult thing to approach. Really?

[A]

Yeah. What do you guys think about turkey is not a thing in New Zealand? Turkey?

[B]

It's not a thing.

[A]

Just not a thing. Like, not a Christmas thing.

[B]

Must have blown your mind the first time you saw a turkey.

[A]

Kind of did, to be honest. It was like, this thing is huge. Yeah, I. Yeah, no turkey for me. I don't really.

[B]

I eat. I don't mind turkey. I eat it through tradition. I like cold. I like cold turkey.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I like making sandwiches from it. I like making curries from it on the day. It's not my favorite thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm more about the sundries, the trimmings, this, the stuffing, all of that. Roast carrots, roast parsnips.

[A]

So those are the things.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

No roast carrot. None of that roast kind of culture. We still have gravy, though, for the lamb and roast potatoes. But it's, you know. So Christmas desserts would be very different. Like Christmas pavlova. You have to have that. I'd make jelly for the. For the family Christmas.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Love a jelly. And then fruit salad.

[C]

And you make that each year?

[A]

Yeah, it was my. It was my. It was my responsibility each year to make the jelly from a young age.

[C]

What flavor?

[A]

We got raspberry. We got an orange lime, and a black currant.

[B]

Four jelly.

[A]

You're doing four different jellies.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Controversially, though, I would do them all differently, separately. And then when I moved to this country, when I would go back, Aunty Jeanette had started doing the jelly.

[B]

Oh, they gave. They gave Jeanette the jelly.

[A]

Well, they gave Jeanette the jelly. And what Jeanette. Auntie Jeanette started doing is she started doing a layered jelly. So it was all the flavors in a. In a mold, and so you get all the flavors. And I was like, this is amazing. I'm like, I don't think that's.

[B]

Jeanette needs to wind a fucking neck in.

[A]

God bless Jeanette. She's the best. But then Nan. Nan started doing this mental one where she started doing orange jelly and putting Mandarin segments in it.

[B]

No, that's great. I'm on board with that.

[C]

That's 80s in it.

[B]

Yeah, that's probably quite refreshing to be fair. Yeah, I think that's great.

[A]

Maybe I'll do that this Christmas.

[B]

Yeah, well, don't. Also don't start trying to do things that other people do after you've complained about it.

[A]

No, actually everyone likes it now, so I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do the orange jelly. So that's that. That's sort of the rundown of my Christmas meal.

[C]

Any fish?

[A]

Nah, weirdly not. I come from my very fishy family, so my grandmother fishes and my uncle and stuff. But no. Oh, sometimes marinated fish, raw fish, like in coconut cream and stuff.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

My nan makes a really good marinated fish, like delicious because she catches it fresh and yeah, it's really good.

[C]

What kind of fish?

[A]

Usually snapper or turkey. But yeah, usually snapper is what would use for it.

[B]

That sounds so delicious.

[A]

She actually uses full cream instead of coconut cream which is quite intense but quite delicious. And then like little chopped up peppers and spring onion and all that.

[B]

So I think this sounds like a lovely Christmas meal. Like a bit, sort of a bit of everything really.

[A]

It is a real. It's a real smorgasbord of stuff. But it's. I do prefer that kind of thing for Christmas. Like. It is an interesting thing to be here for Christmas where I can understand a roast meal is like very comforting.

[B]

Yeah, but. But the rest of the day's a write off. I mean.

[A]

Yeah, it's hidden.

[B]

I like the option of being able to go like I'll have some meat and then I have some salad and then you feel lighter, you feel happier for the rest of the day. Christmas day is basically we eat at like 2, 3 o'clock.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then the next five hours is me praying I go to the toilet so I can have some dinner.

[A]

What are your thoughts on breakfast on Christmas day? Because I'm very anti it.

[B]

I like it.

[C]

I guess it's the starter of the.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

There you go. You just want one.

[A]

So true. I just want breakfast. I want one and done, man.

[B]

We have ham for breakfast.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

We have the glazed ham with eggs and toast for breakfast.

[A]

Oh yum.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Salmon. Lots of people have salmon here.

[B]

Yeah, salmon's always an option. But I like going all meat all day.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Absolute nightmare. Gastrically.

[A]

But a nut roast?

[B]

What?

[A]

I don't know. For the vegans, whatever.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

There ain't no vegan on My house at Christmas.

[C]

Not the Gamble house. All in the garden gathered around a zebra. Your dream side dish.

[A]

If I'm gonna say I don't believe in starters, do I have to say I don't believe in sides?

[C]

Yeah, I'm just saying it. Yeah. This is your.

[B]

No, you don't have to, because you've already said, like, he might attack you. You just have to defend yourself with your Christmas meal. It's like loads of sides, isn't it? And you like sharing and you like getting involved and having a taste of everything. So sides surely should be right up your street.

[A]

Well, I would have a whole meal full of sides.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I'm. I'm. I'm wanting a potato. If I see a side. I do gravitate towards a side menu, I think. Especially when we go to places where it's like, well, obviously we'll get all of the sides.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it's just four things. It's like bread, olives, potatoes, some sort of green.

[B]

I want all of those olives aren't the side.

[A]

No, no, it's not a side. Sorry.

[B]

Crazy, crazy places you've been going to.

[A]

Mess of olives. Wait, so do they have to be sides of the Yamcha meal?

[B]

No, they can be whatever you want. It's your dream meal.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

If you want them to be sides of the yammer.

[C]

If you've had a side dish that is like, that's the best side dish over. You have more wax stuff. We're not gonna stop you from doing that.

[A]

Maybe I have, like.

[B]

I think we are.

[C]

What?

[B]

I think we are gonna stop doing that because then where do we stop with this?

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Someone just come in and have a whole wax menu.

[C]

Well, no one else is going to do.

[A]

Yeah. That'd unravel the entire sort of point of this podcast if you just said.

[B]

I want that wax.

[C]

Do you like Madame Two Swords?

[A]

I have been twice. Don't know if I like it.

[C]

It's pretty freaky fun to see them get made then.

[A]

100%. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It does freak me out a bit. They have gone through a re. They've done. They've done a redo of. Of Madame Two Swords. But we actually did go to a very funny wax museum once.

[C]

We did. In Dublin.

[A]

Yeah. The worst one.

[C]

The most awful wax museum.

[A]

I've so funny.

[C]

Very, very bad.

[A]

It's kind of popular for being the worst, though, isn't it?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I feel like Jonathan.

[B]

Ironically good.

[A]

No, not ironically bad. No. There's just one big room at the end where they're just, like, gone. We don't know how to theme this room. So it was like, Mr. Freeze. Colin Farrell from Alexander David Bowie. Just huge room.

[B]

Mr. Freeze.

[C]

Mr.

[A]

Freeze.

[C]

None of them look like any.

[B]

Surely you're just going, arnie. Just go, Arnie. And don't put all your eggs in the Mr. Freeze basket.

[A]

Full on, Mr. Freeze.

[C]

I think they tried to do Arnie and it went wrong, even by their standards. And then they had to turn it into Mr. Freeze.

[A]

They just spray. Got a can of spray paint.

[B]

Yeah, well, you made Arnie silver by accident. Oh, thank God he's Mr. Freeze.

[C]

Mr. Freeze now.

[A]

Okay, so sides, sides. I mean, I just want to gravitate towards potatoes really. Like potatoes every way.

[B]

Every way.

[A]

Potatoes every way.

[B]

I don't think we've had potatoes every way before, have we?

[C]

Yeah, no, not every way.

[B]

Feels like it should be. Another trolley.

[A]

It's a potato trolley. Yeah, yeah, 100%. Yeah, that's fine. But this is the side trolley of.

[B]

Potatoes, and I'm gonna make you rank them.

[A]

Rank them.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Out of five, top five potatoes, top dolphin one.

[B]

Is that one? Yeah, we're starting with one and going down to five, are we?

[A]

That's a good. That's. Yeah, actually, I'll go into one.

[C]

I think that's how, like, people have to do it on the spot.

[A]

That's true. So count.

[C]

You can't go five to one.

[B]

Yeah, you can on the spot.

[C]

You could go reverse order, knowing where you're heading with it all. That's nuts. On the spot. You would know what number five is. Rather than going, well, here's my favorite. And then I'd say, I like this one.

[A]

No, you just go quiet for five minutes and then come back five to one. Match is five.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Well, okay.

[B]

Very thin French fries is four.

[A]

You're gonna freak out. He's gonna panic when he gets to two because he'll go, my rankings. It's a very thin French fries for three.

[B]

Yeah. Three is dauphinoise.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Two.

[B]

Two is boulanger.

[A]

The hell's boulanger?

[C]

It's a bread.

[B]

Sort of like. It's sort of. Well, they, you know, they used to make them in bakers and when the ovens were cooling down, that's what they would make in patisseries in France.

[A]

Well, baked potato.

[B]

No, they like dauphin ones. So it's thinly sliced, but usually stock rather than cream.

[C]

Got it. And what's number one?

[B]

Crisps.

[A]

Oh, my God, you're full of man.

[B]

Yeah, I screwed it up. You're full of. It is hard going 5 to 1.

[C]

Respect on you for doubling down.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I'm probably very, very similar. Potatoes.

[C]

You also. Dofin was number one.

[A]

Tofu's number one.

[B]

Yeah. I should have done that, but I went early and did it. Number three.

[A]

I'd say good. Good ass chips. Good ass fries. As good as chips. Some gas chips. Number two. Definitely a mash. A creamy mash. Three. Number four, possibly. Oh, I'm running out of potatoes. Potatoes. Five.

[B]

You're not. There's so many potatoes.

[A]

I know it's hard to. Because I was. I could say like a potatoes breakfast.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

That'd be nice with the sauces and then a five. I'll do gnocchi. No, I'm just kidding. That'd be crazy.

[B]

That'd be too.

[C]

Roast potatoes are not making an apparent in the top five.

[A]

Is that potatoes? No. Yeah. Actually no. Yeah, really good roast potatoes. I'm. I'm constantly shown in the algorithm that fucking. That hundred layer potato thing, you know that one?

[C]

No, really?

[B]

I think we're on different algorithms.

[A]

Maybe.

[B]

Well, I didn't think we'd be, but I've not seen the hundred layer potatoes.

[A]

You're kidding. It's the one where they stack. They just stack potatoes and they really compress it and they cut off in slices almost.

[B]

Yeah, maybe. I've seen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen something similar. It's like a comfit potato thing. Yes, the comfy potatoes at Quality Chop House. Sorry, that's number one.

[A]

That's it. Yeah. I've never tried it.

[B]

It's like the, like super layered and then cut it off and then fry the layers.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So good. So good.

[A]

That might be it. That should be in the top five.

[B]

Yeah, well, that's on the trolley. Certainly.

[C]

That's on the trolley way.

[A]

Come on. Yeah. So it would be just every form of potatoes and then every form of sauce as well.

[B]

Great.

[A]

Steak sauce. I think sauces are really important and underrated.

[B]

The potato trolley. I'm just imagining it now.

[A]

Potato, potato trolley.

[B]

So into the potato trolley.

[A]

Or you can eat aioli or you can eat bones, or you can eat soy and vinegar. Oh, that's.

[B]

Imagine asking for aioli and then just get a massive spoon and put a huge doll.

[A]

This is what I'm talking about.

[B]

Holy hell. And just to let you know, I'm imagining Mr. Freeze bridging the trolley.

[C]

Oh, really? I'm imagining a giant potato with arms and legs.

[A]

Imagine potato.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God. They've got this new trend of putting ham over crisps. Have you seen this? Everyone loves it in Hackney. No, they do. They've got the fucking truffle crisps.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know. Yeah.

[B]

The Torres truffle crisps. You know, naturally.

[A]

Oh my God, I can't have those now. They're very addictive.

[C]

Did the doc tell you to stay off those?

[A]

Are you being truffle crisps? 11pm you got silent acid Revlon though, they put it. It's like this trendy thing. I think a bar must have done it where you put that and then you put like layered prosciutto or like ham on, you know, not ham and bird but like, you know, ham on top. You eat it all together. It's pretty good.

[B]

Just sounds like the sort of thing I'd eat at home in a panic.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

You know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now they.

[C]

How nice to. Not. How nice to go out and have that dish.

[B]

But someone's done it for me.

[A]

Yeah. Paying 20 quid for it.

[B]

And I'm not stood at the fridge and going, I'm going out in five minutes.

[C]

Yeah. Shoving my goblin. Your dream drink.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

Unexpected, this one. Yeah.

[A]

And I was.

[B]

But I forgot that was a great noise as well.

[C]

Yeah, it's good noise. Oh, that's sampled in a rap song.

[B]

Silvio in the soprano.

[A]

Oh, it just depends on heads.

[C]

Re watching that. Yeah, he's thinking about that a lot. I think about Zodiac Killer a lot. He's been Sopranos a lot.

[A]

It's very too well balanced. Individuals thinking about pouring walnuts watching them entrance. So I guess I could go alcoholic or I could go. You know, weirdly when you ask this question, I just think back to. In New Zealand there is a buffet restaurant called Valentine's and on the kids menu there was always amazing drinks. Like I don't know if you have the versions of them here like Pink Panther or the Traffic Light and they'd be like really like sugary sort of non alcoholic drinks. Yeah, something about that. I'm like, I would choose something like a Shirley Temple or something or something very like novelty. And I feel like choosing out something alcoholic be just quite trashy. Trashier.

[C]

Burn on a lot of guests. Trash bags.

[A]

Yeah. I want a. I want wet figure of lettuce.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Some yum cha.

[C]

Sophisticated.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you worry about being perceived as trashy by picking an alcoholic?

[A]

No, I don't want to be pissed, you know, like if I'm drinking. If I'm drinking alcohol, like I'd say like straight whiskey, but I don't want to be, like, drunk and eating, you know, potatoes five ways.

[B]

Are you not drinking any alcohol for the pleasure of the taste? Is it all about getting drunk?

[A]

No, it's not. I mean, I like whiskey. Whiskey, highball, that stuff. But, yeah, it's too hard of a thing to.

[C]

Hey, if you would rather have a garlic drink, if you want to traffic light from that kid's restaurant, you can have that.

[B]

If you want a Pink Panther to not seem trashy.

[A]

Well, like, why would you use a chocolate milkshake? But I know that would make me sick. Do you know what I mean? So I don't know dream restaurants.

[C]

I'm a genie. I can make it so you're not sick.

[A]

You could cure my silent reflux like that.

[B]

You're already sat there fucking eating chicken feet and stuff.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Suddenly you're worried about your silent acid reflux.

[C]

You've eaten a fucking wax lettuce.

[B]

You've just. You've just gone, can I have as much aioli as you can give me off the potato trolley? I don't think suddenly there's any point worrying about your acid reflux. Right.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Chocolate milkshake. Thank you. I don't want to puke.

[A]

I have some taste. I have some standards. Yeah, okay, well, then I'll choose. Okay, yeah. I'll choose a spider.

[B]

A spider?

[C]

What's a spider?

[A]

Coke with ice cream in it.

[C]

Oh, okay. Yeah.

[A]

Is that a spider Coke float. We call that a spider in New.

[B]

Zealand because it melts like a spider.

[A]

Yeah, I guess so. Like, a little weird.

[B]

That's good. I'm gonna start using that. I mean, I don't know. What? Very rarely in my life do Coke floats come up.

[A]

So Coke floats at the City Diner in Edinburgh. Yeah, City Restaurant. Sorry, City Restaurant.

[B]

City Restaurant or City Cafe?

[A]

City restaurant. Good Coke floats.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Is there somewhere in New Zealand it's like the best spiders?

[A]

I'd say it was such a kids sort of party thing, but. But no, I don't think anywhere is probably still serving spiders or root beer floats. Federal Deli does a good root bear float.

[C]

Federal Deli.

[A]

Federal Deli. It's been shout out before on the off me.

[C]

I don't know if it has been shouted out before. Maybe.

[B]

I think we've talked about it.

[C]

Yeah, I think we would have talked about it. It is great.

[A]

Yeah, it's a great spot.

[C]

Poutine at Federal Deli.

[A]

Poutine. I mean, it's not. I mean, poutine. It's the. It's the chicken salad sandwich. Toasted with cheese.

[C]

Yeah, it's.

[A]

Which now. Which used to be a thing you could sneakily ask for from the kitchen and now it's become on the menu. You know when that happens, you're like, yeah. Is this restaurant losing its edge? Because it's sort of. You know, I actually.

[B]

I went and got that because you talked about it so much. You talked about that so much. I find that sandwich too wet with cheese. It's too wet of a sandwich.

[A]

I would. I would. You know, I'm not going to challenge you on that.

[B]

It's delicious, but it's very wet. But, like, really good. Really good pastrami at.

[A]

Really good pastrami. Last time I went, yeah, really good salt, lemon salt. Amazing. Or like the fish. Whatever fish they've got, the steak. It's really good stuff.

[B]

And it's next door to Depot, which is another fantastic restaurant.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Oysters, fish sliders.

[A]

Fish sliders there are so good.

[B]

I had the best day a couple of years ago when I was on tour there. Went to the Weta Workshop Experience, which was in the same building my hotel was, and then went to Depot. Yeah, that added a stupid show.

[C]

Auckland, I think, is one of the most underrated food cities, like, if you.

[A]

Know where to go. It is, actually. Yeah, it's mental. It's only gotten better, actually, up in K Road and stuff. Heaps of stuff in St. Kevin's Arcade and. Yeah, good sandwich game as well. Sandwiches are getting better. It's a place called Turtle and Hare, I think, or Hair and Turtle. Is that where good.

[B]

I might have gone with Guy. I think Guy Montgomery had the aubergine palm sandwich. That was so good.

[A]

That was good, eh? It's such a good sandwich. Yeah, yeah. I'm so passionate about sandwiches.

[B]

Oh, great. I'm going back next year. I can't wait to eat a sandwich.

[A]

It's gonna be good. Yeah, it's gonna be good. You get to. Yeah, you have to go to New Zealand to eat a sandwich.

[B]

Yeah, sure. First time I went to New Zealand, everyone was like, auckland's amazing. You got to go to all these different places. You know, you've got to travel a bit, get outside of Auckland and all of that. And then I arrived and me and Rose did nine escape rooms.

[C]

Yeah, well, nine. Yeah. We did a lot in how many days?

[A]

We did some in Wellington, though.

[B]

Yeah, we did do some in Wellington. We. What we'd do is we'd go to an escape room complex that might have three different themed rooms, and we'd do.

[A]

Them all we actually did them all.

[B]

Yeah, we'd tick them all off. We'd be like, we don't have time to come back here tomorrow. We're going to another escape room company. So we've got to do all of these.

[C]

Just the two of you working as a team.

[B]

No, Paul would be in there. Yeah, Paul would be in there.

[C]

Paul Williams.

[A]

Do you know how strange it is to know you've exhausted the entire city's escape room facilities? Like there is nothing you could. We did like I never could. There was no. There were no new ones I could go to for a couple of years. It's incredible. I think we've done that with London.

[B]

A bit efficient. Yeah, I think we've done that with London.

[C]

Definitely.

[A]

Yeah, we're kind of cool.

[B]

James doesn't like them.

[C]

No, I don't like them.

[A]

I feel like we did. Didn't we all do one in Edinburgh once?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And James went home early because he felt stupid.

[A]

Yeah, we were like. We were versing each other.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Was it two teams?

[B]

Yes. It was two identical rooms but with a grate in the middle. And there was a briefcase hanging up in the grate. And it's the first person solved to get the briefcase. Yeah. James didn't enjoy it. Cause it made him feel stupid. So he didn't come for a drink afterwards.

[C]

That's not why. It didn't make me feel stupid. You're putting the reason why. That's the reason why you don't enjoy things is that it makes you feel stupid and then you don't like. No, that was not mine. No, I wasn't bored. I have enjoyed escapings before. So those things. I like them if they're fun and we're all solving puzzles and having fun. On my team were a very competitive couple who really wanted to beat you guys bad. And I got Willy Wonka level told off. If I wasn't. If I was having fun and not taking the puzzles really seriously.

[A]

Oh my God.

[C]

And it was genuinely stressful because I'd be there trying to work out a puzzle and then one of them would come over to me like, have you done it yet or what? They're going to be beating us on the other side of them. And I was like, I don't know, man. I'm just trying to figure out what all these DVD covers mean.

[B]

Very different vibe in our team with Paul Williams walking around accidentally solving things. You guys just walks up the cryptex that he's solved and be like, Paul, how did you do that? He's like, I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, wasn't this the same guys that, that, that the guy who introduced us, like got assigned it and he was like, he was talking to us. He was like, all right, I'll be right back. And he came back with the fedora on. But like, welcome to the escape room. And like a New York accent. It was so good.

[B]

He's a really nice man. I'm still friends with him.

[A]

He's so lovely.

[B]

Adam was a nicest boy.

[C]

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[C]

We arrive at your dream dessert.

[A]

All right. Dream dessert. Wow. So much to. So much to choose from.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So weird about this cake. So I love cake. Cake, Cake, cake, cake, cake. Are you guys familiar with the Australian Women's Weekly cake book?

[C]

No. No.

[B]

I thought you were about to ask yourself, are we familiar with cake?

[A]

Are you familiar with the concept of cake? This is really a kind of iconic, famous recipe book from sort of like the 80s or 90s. And it was made by Australian Women's Weekly, which is like sort of like a. Sort of like a women's magazine from that time. And it was these cakes basically for children. And it was like every mother in the 90s sort of had it. And you would get a cake from that cook, right, that recipe book. So it'd be like stuff like a pool cake. So you'd make a fake little swimming pool with jelly, blue jelly in the middle and you'd put little gummy bears and like, you know, make a little scene. Or there was a really iconic train cake where all of the carriages would be holding different, like, sweets and you'd make it out of cake. Dolly Varden cake. Have you ever heard of a Dolly Varden cake. That's like a cake where you put a doll in the middle and the cake is the dress. So my nan made me a Dolly Varden cake when I was about, I think five. So I would have one of each of the cakes. Cake trolley. Cake trolley of all of the cakes from the Australian Woman's Weekly.

[C]

How many cakes are in that?

[A]

A lot.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, because they've got all the. They've got different cakes for what, the numbers one to nine as well.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So there's one to nine cakes. There's like. It's a whole book. It's a whole book. So I want the train, I want the Dolly Varden, I want the numbers, I want. Definitely want the pool.

[B]

Are these. Do they taste good as well, or is it all about the.

[C]

Yeah, who knows?

[A]

Who knows? I mean, you know, they taste good. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You can make them any flavor you want. I mean, they're just. They're. They're kind of, I guess any vanilla kind of cake or a chocolate cake you're just building on it with. And it's not ice. It's like. It's not fondant icing. It's like, you know, proper icing. You can really eat. So, yeah, I think the taste doesn't. I mean, you taste with your eyes, don't you? And you see a cake that looks like a tray.

[B]

Me, I go mouth as well. And I think you've started this meal and ended this meal in a similar way. Purely aesthetic.

[C]

Yeah. Really, the whole menu, I guess, smacks of someone who just wanted some yum cha.

[B]

Well, it's like.

[A]

I just find it just difficult to. Because this whole. I mean, the whole podcast, really. I mean, is it. The idea of food is much, sometimes much more enticing than the actual reality of food. Right.

[B]

So I, again, don't pull that thread exactly.

[A]

Well, yeah, I actually do. I'm quite hungry. Hungry for Yamcha. I think that's basically it. But I think the nostalgia element of a lot of that is what would make that cake taste good.

[B]

Definitely.

[A]

Probably I'd go for. If I was going for a cake base for all of these. These cakes, I probably go for, like, a coconut cake. I think a coconut cake from Violet Bakery is one of my favorite cakes on Earth.

[B]

Where's Violet Bakery?

[A]

It's in Dalston. I think it's where, like, Megan got her. One of her cakes for it from her wedding.

[C]

Megan who?

[A]

Megan Markle.

[B]

Yeah. First name terms.

[A]

Yeah, Megan first name.

[B]

Because do you want to know genuinely what I thought when you said where Megan got the dollar.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I genuinely was like, have I missed. Have I missed a sequel? Have I missed a sequel where Beth Regan gets married?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I thought Megan thee stallion. Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

There you go.

[A]

We all had different Megans.

[B]

Wet ass Cake.

[C]

Wet ass sandwich at Fable Deli.

[A]

Wet ass sandwich at Feverel Deli. Yeah. I would shout out that bakery, I think, for a good coconut.

[B]

Yeah, that sounds really good. Coconut cake.

[A]

I love coconut cake.

[B]

What are they going to do when they release the third installment of Mithrigan?

[A]

Yeah, because they're making Matugan. Right?

[B]

Because they're making Matugan.

[C]

But I don't even know what you're talking about.

[B]

Thermathrigan for Mithrigan, the film Megan.

[C]

Oh, yes.

[B]

Ronny Chang. It is stylized as M3GAN because it's robot. But when they get to the third one, they've screwed themselves. They should have saved that for the third one.

[A]

That's very true.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Like Too Fast, Too Furious.

[A]

Meningen.

[B]

Yeah, Meningen. Starring Ronnie Check. So all of these cakes.

[A]

All of these cakes. I think cakes are just. Most like, cakes are just delicious.

[C]

I think it's a nice answer. It's obviously very nostalgic. I'm a bit disappointed there's no Whitakers in this because it's my favorite chocolate in the world. We've got a New Zealand guest on.

[A]

Well, I'm not gonna say just straight up Whitaker's for dessert.

[B]

You know, do it.

[A]

Let your imagination soar. You can put Whitakers on these cakes. You haven't seen these cakes, man. These cakes involve chocolate.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So, you know, okay, that's good.

[B]

But I wouldn't want to put Whitakers on a cake. I just want to eat the straight Whitakers.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Whitakers and baking is pretty good, though.

[B]

But everything you need is within the Whitakers. And I don't want to melt that down and put it with other stuff. I want to experience full, uncut pure Whitakers.

[A]

I've heard about. I heard about the presentation of Whitaker's to you guys. What was it? Doesn't Tom bring it to you?

[B]

And Tom Rosenthal brought it on stage at the Royal Albert hall, but we.

[C]

Gave it to a audience member from New Zealand.

[A]

From New Zealand.

[C]

Well, yeah, because they had put as the, you know, we're reading out their dream menus on stage that they'd handed in before the show. They'd put, very coincidentally, obviously, we did the whole tour. No one put this as their dream dessert. Just put every flavor of Whitakers. Wow. While we've got Tom in the wings with a big box of Whitakers.

[A]

You gotta do it.

[C]

Got them on stage and they were from New Zealand.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I do often pay for an extra suitcase when I come back from New Zealand and entirely fill it with things from New Zealand supermarket. So a lot of it is Whitakers because it's quite heavy.

[B]

What else is going in there?

[A]

Very bizarrely, like iced animal biscuits. Arnic iced animal biscuits. Lots of Tim Tams. Lots of the. I think biscuit game in New Zealand and Australia is so much better than this country. Peanut butters fix and fogs. Peanut butters. All this stuff.

[C]

Pineapple lumps.

[A]

Pineapple lumps, yes. Nan always buys me pineapple lumps to take back. She brought me Macintosh toffees recently, which I haven't eaten. They're not that great. But it's mainly Whitaker's, really.

[B]

Chicken feet.

[A]

What?

[B]

Chicken feet.

[A]

It's all these chicken feet.

[C]

Not those orange. What, the orange? Chocolate. The Jaffers. What are they called?

[A]

Yeah, Jaffers. Yeah, they do. I wouldn't bring Jaffers back, actually. I don't know if they still even. I think they just still make them. But I think I do go. When I'm leaving New Zealand, I go to the supermarket and do like the most childlike sort of supermarket spray shopping thing. Of all the things that won't perish. I once brought back. I once brought back custard slice from New Zealand.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Denim's custard slice from Christchurch. It's the most delicious custard slice ever. So I got it flown up. They deliver it from Christchurch and like, refrigerator box. And I got it frozen and I put it in my bag and it survived all the way back.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

So it was. I tr. Yeah. I traveled that across the world.

[B]

The only thing I tried that once was. Was a slice of crack pie from Milk Bar.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Bought it in New York. Got on the flight, leaving straight away. Put it in the luggage hold at the top. I was like, it's great. I'll eat this when I get back to England. It'll feel so nice. Like I'm in New York and I've got a crack pie. Soon as the seatbelt sign went off, straight, straight up, straight down.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Hadn't even left American airspace.

[A]

And those are moments where you are saying to yourself, can't wait to bring that back. Are you also knowing your true self that you're.

[B]

Oh, yeah. There's two thought processes going on there. It's the two brains, it's the lie. Imagine what Guy I could be and this is the guy who I am.

[A]

I've got real good self constraint, I think with, you know, self restraint, rather with that stuff, sort of stuff.

[B]

Well, you froze it and put it in the hold. I think that's probably the best way. Way to do it.

[C]

Impressive.

[A]

Yeah, it was pretty. Yeah, it was pretty. Pretty nice.

[B]

You stopped by customs and you're on one of those shows.

[A]

If I was going into New Zealand, they would have. They would have fined me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To do that. Yeah. You cannot get anything into New Zealand like that.

[B]

What if you were bringing back some of the Whitakers that you'd taken the.

[A]

Last time into New Zealand? Yeah, they're probably. They're probably. They're probably the right way of.

[B]

Yeah, they wave that through. They'd salute like moth.

[C]

They. Welcome home to the chocolate.

[A]

Repatriated chocolate. Yeah. I mean, I appreciate, yes, the Whitakers is a huge element of my country's dessert culture. But.

[B]

But it's not like we don't talk about Whitakers.

[C]

We talk about it all the time. It's fine.

[B]

And it's not the same as the Whitakers. There's another company called Whitakers in the uk.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

It's not the same for that, but still. Thank you to. Thank you to the person who sent us those.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, and here's how we know at the Royal Albert hall, that guy was definitely from New Zealand. So a. He said he was from New Zealand, but also when he went on stage at the Royal Albert hall to receive his chocolate in front of the whole audience and we said, do you want to tell a joke while you're up here? Definitely knew he was from New Zealand because he went, no, you guys are the professionals.

[A]

That's awesome, man. Representing our country. Really beautiful. That's so sweet. Such a dad thing to say.

[C]

Read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. You would like still water just above room temperature.

[B]

Yep. That was normal.

[C]

You were popping on some mango. Chuck knee writer. You layer up the sauces.

[B]

Lovely.

[C]

Sounds great. Starter. A man making a wax figurine of a lettuce.

[B]

What the fuck?

[C]

Main course or you can eat Yum Cha.

[B]

You put the man first as if the man is the order rather than the lettuce.

[C]

Yeah, well, neither of them are being eaten, so they're just as much.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. To be fair, I stand by it.

[B]

Yeah, I think you should stand by it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Or you can eat Yum chaffee, your main. With various trolleys being pushed by daytime tv. Hosts your Christmas dinner.

[A]

And that man, Alexander Armstrong.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

He's making the lettuce.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Wow. He's the one doing the lettuce.

[A]

Yeah, he can do the lettuce.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Fair enough. Christmas dinner. Summer salads, glazed ham, lamb, marinated fish, chopped suey and taro. Roast potatoes, jelly made by yourself. Side dish, potato trolley with some potatoes every ways with all the sauces. Drink Spider. So much of this, it's panic rose.

[A]

And how is that not consistent with my brand?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's true.

[A]

I can't choose anything on a menu. Yeah, this is true. This is pure panic.

[B]

I can't believe we've not had a trademark Matafe our head in hands.

[A]

Mom, I did get. I'm wearing a cap, so.

[B]

Yeah, you can just pull the cap down. That's the equivalent. Yeah.

[A]

Fucking spider. Can I change that? Jesus Christ.

[B]

You can't change it. It's locked in Spider. Yeah, because you didn't want to, remember? You didn't want to be a trash bag by ordering alcohol.

[C]

You didn't want to be sick.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So you got a scoop of ice cream and a co.

[A]

Finish the menu.

[C]

Does a Australian Women's weekly children's cake book. Trolley book. Yeah, yeah. The whole every. Every cake from the book.

[B]

Yeah. The pool, the ladies dress.

[A]

What do you think?

[B]

I mean, it's. It's mad. I mean, look, the yum cha I'm so on board with.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I don't think I've done the trolley thing in years and years and years. So I think think that's next on the agenda for me.

[A]

I didn't know this podcast was about being some coming on and being judged.

[C]

Oh, you said, what do you think?

[B]

You literally said, what do you think?

[C]

What do you think? Here's what I think. Well, I didn't know I was told you. The judge, jury and executioner.

[A]

Oh, man. I mean, I do stand by it. It is pure panic, really there. But I think I disagree with the idea of choosing anything really for, you know, I panic. Yeah. I would panic in the dream restaurant want. And that is so consistent with my personality.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I think choosing seems to have been an issue. So what you've done is you've put everything you can think of on a trolley. Yeah. Which is. It's the first time anyone's exploited the trolley loophole so often, isn't it? We've had dessert trolleys.

[C]

Yeah. But no, this is a good day for trolley manufacturers.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Big trolley is pretty happy with that.

[A]

I'm lying in the pockets of the fat cat. It's a big trolley.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant and bringing so many trolleys with you.

[C]

Thank you, Rose. Merry Christmas.

[B]

Merry Christmas, Rose.

[A]

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, James.

[B]

Well, there we are, James. What a lovely way to kick off Christmas.

[C]

What a menu. Fantastic roller coaster.

[B]

Well, odd menu and fantastic menu.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I'm really into the Christmas food idea. You?

[C]

Yeah, they're delicious.

[B]

I might make some salads this Christmas.

[C]

Yeah, you do a New Zealand Christmas.

[B]

I think maybe a New Zealand Christmas is the way forward. Just sounds a bit kinder on the old stomach as well, doesn't it?

[C]

Yeah, I think so, yeah. I think. I think it makes it easier to graze throughout the day as well. Some of that stuff I like to.

[B]

Graze throughout the day, man. You know that.

[C]

I know that, yeah. Rose's special on and on and on is out soon.

[B]

Yes. Go and find it. She didn't know where. And of course, Junior taskmaster/taskmaster junior is on Friday nights at 8pm on channel four or catch up on channel four dot com. It is excellent. Rose is the new taskmaster and Mike Wozniak is the taskmaster's assistant. And it's a lot of fun.

[C]

Rose did not say horn dogs, so we didn't kick her out the restaurant.

[B]

No.

[C]

You can watch her special horn dog, though. You can go and watch that. You can if you wanna. If you would like a horn dog.

[B]

Yes, you can go and watch that. She did say wax lettuce, though, which is definitely going to be a secret ingredient for someone else coming up in the future.

[C]

And if we actually get someone with it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Amazing.

[B]

Yeah, maybe, maybe it'll be the secret ingredient next week. Cause we have another Christmas special next week. Speaking to another fantastic guest about their dream menu. Yes. And also their dream Christmas menu. But for now, jingle those bells.

[C]

Jingle those bells all the way.

[B]

Merry Christmas, everyone. We'll see you next week.

[C]

Merry Christmas. See you next week.

[B]

Bye.

[C]

Bye.

[B]

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