Ep 285: Sally Phillips

Summary

Episode Summary: Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster – Ep 285: Sally Phillips

Release Date: April 2, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode 285 of "Off Menu," hosts Ed Gamble and James Acaster welcome celebrated actress and comedian Sally Phillips to their enchanting dream restaurant. The episode seamlessly blends humor, heartfelt conversations, and creative culinary imagination, offering listeners an engaging journey through Sally's career, personal insights, and her ultimate dream meal.

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Guest Introduction

At [08:08], Ed Gamble warmly welcomes Sally Phillips:
"Welcome, Sally, to the Dream Restaurant."
James Acaster adds with enthusiasm:
"So fantastic. One of my favorite comedians. So funny. One of our finest comic actors."

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Sally Phillips' Career Highlights

Sally delves into her diverse career spanning sketch comedy, acting, and recent projects. She reflects on her time with the iconic sketch show "Smack the Pony":
"We didn’t have catchphrases. Everything was fresh and different every time." ([52:55])
Sally also discusses her roles in beloved series like "Taskmaster" and "Alan Partridge," emphasizing the versatility required in her performances:
"Taskmaster Series 5. Yeah, I'm Alan Partridge. One of the greatest sitcoms of all." ([05:29])

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Representation and Neurodiversity

A significant portion of the conversation centers on authentic representation in media, particularly concerning neurodiversity. Sally shares her personal connection:
"I have a child who's got Down syndrome and autism. So, I know how much representation matters." ([11:09])
She critiques common misrepresentations:
"Young Sheldon and Big Bang Theory are misrepresenting autism as people not caring and all the rest of it." ([12:20])
Sally emphasizes the positive impact of genuine portrayals:
"If you can get people familiar with people with disabilities, they're less likely to exclude them or harm them." ([11:09])

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The Secret Supper Club

Sally recounts the inception of her "secret supper club" during the pandemic, a blend of culinary art and performance:
"We thought, why don’t we do performance around the food?" ([15:29])
She describes themed evenings like "Fond of Mushrooms" with interactive presentations:
"We had the curator of the Fungarium at Kew do a presentation about mushrooms. He was basically a stand-up, very funny." ([16:21])
Sally’s innovative approach included unique dishes such as chocolate and porcini truffles, enhancing the dining experience with artistic flair.

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Dream Menu Selection

The heart of "Off Menu" lies in crafting a guest's ultimate meal. Sally enthusiastically creates her dream menu, infusing creativity and personal touches into each course.

• Starter: Grilled Lettuce with Edible Flowers
  Sally envisions her starter as:
  "Grilled lettuce, smoked butter, and surrounded by edible flowers. It makes you feel special and beautiful." ([32:06])
  She emphasizes the aesthetic beauty, imagining a setting adorned with festoon garlands and fairy lights.

• Main Course: Fresh Fish Cooked Over a Fire on the Beach
  After playful deliberation, Sally settles on a fresh fish preparation:
  "Fresh fish cooked over a fire, wherever you like. It doesn't matter what type of fish it is." ([50:12])
  This choice reflects her adventurous palate and love for natural flavors.

• Side Dish: Bowl of Toddler Veg
  A nod to her personal life, Sally selects:
  "A bowl of toddler veg—carrots and potatoes just the size they dig up. They're sweet and need nothing more." ([47:36])
  This whimsical dish highlights simplicity and sweetness, embodying childhood nostalgia.

• Dessert: Hot Chocolate Fondant with Porcini Mushrooms and Wild Strawberries
  For dessert, Sally opts for an unconventional yet elegant combination:
  "Hot chocolate fondant infused with porcini mushrooms, garnished with wild strawberries, served at Heidi's Matterhorn." ([60:42])
  This dish blends rich chocolate with earthy mushrooms, creating a unique flavor profile.

• Drink: Fizzy Cucumber Water in the Skull of a Japanese Water Demon
  Her dream drink is both whimsical and refreshing:
  "Fizzy cucumber water served in the skull of a Japanese water demon. It tastes good and subdues the demon." ([25:31])
  This imaginative presentation adds a fantastical element to her meal.

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Notable Quotes

• On representation:
  "If you can get people familiar with people with disabilities, they're less likely to exclude them or harm them." ([11:09])

• On foraging and creativity:
  "We thought, why don’t we do performance around the food?" ([15:29])

• On her dream drink:
  "Fizzy cucumber water served in the skull of a Japanese water demon. It tastes good and subdues the demon." ([25:31])

• On personal anecdotes:
  "He says, my body, my choice, Mum." ([42:21])

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Conclusion

As the episode concludes, Ed and James express their admiration for Sally's insightful contributions and her beautifully crafted dream menu. Ed remarks:
"This menu sounds absolutely delicious." ([68:02])
James reflects on the episode's journey:
"A fantastic episode. That menu took us all over the place to mountains, to beaches, to mushrooms." ([68:45])

They thank Sally for joining and tease their upcoming "Off Menu Live" events at the Royal Albert Hall, encouraging listeners to experience the magic firsthand:
"We'll see you next week." ([70:11])

---

Final Thoughts

"Off Menu: Ep 285 with Sally Phillips" is a delightful blend of humor, heartfelt discussions, and imaginative culinary exploration. Sally's insights into representation and her personal experiences add depth to the episode, while the dream menu selection showcases the playful and creative essence of the podcast. Whether you're a fan of Sally's work or simply enjoy engaging conversations, this episode offers something special for every listener.

Transcript

[Ed Gamble]

Huge news from Off Menu Towers.

[James Acaster]

James Big announcement.

[Ed Gamble]

Big announcement. We are doing Off Menu Live the tasting menus at the Royal Albert Hall.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, we've been doing some tasting menu episodes recently. You may have remembered John Kearns Tasting menu episode and that's the only one that's been out so far to be fair. But that's when we give a guest the menu of a previous guest. So there's a guest who's already been on the podcast and we we give them another guest who's been on the podcast's menu and we see what they think about that.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a reason to book fan favorites. And we thought, hey, what better way to celebrate this wonderful new format than by doing it live at the Royal Albert Hall?

[James Acaster]

Friday 13 March 2026 at 7.30pm Saturday 14 March 2026 at 2pm Saturday 14 March 2026 at 7.30pm that's two gigs in a day. We got the energy.

[Ed Gamble]

These go on sale 10am on Wednesday 2nd April 2025. Sign up to our mailing list at offmenupodcast.co.uk for pre sale access tickets from RoyalAbbot Hall.com and Seatickets.com.

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[James Acaster]

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[Sally Phillips]

Look for cover from Lawfare and Goat Rodeo. This is Escalation, a podcast about the United States and Ukraine.

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[James Acaster]

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[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Taking the Stilton of conversation, the Comte of humor, the sharp cheddar of friendship, adding the crackers of having a great time and the chutney of cheering the fuck up. James, look at me. What's your problem?

[James Acaster]

You know what you've done?

[Ed Gamble]

I guess we're having a cheese board today.

[James Acaster]

That is Ed Campbell, the son of a bitch. My name is James, a caster. Together we own a dream restaurant. And every single week we invite in a guest. We ask them their favourite ever start and main course, dessert, sideshow and drink. Not in that order. And this week our guest is Sally Phillips.

[Ed Gamble]

The wonderful Sally Phillips.

[James Acaster]

James national treasure.

[Ed Gamble]

National treasure.

[James Acaster]

So fantastic. One of my favorite comedians. So funny. One of our finest comic actors. I mean, Obviously Taskmaster Series 5. Yeah, I'm Alan Partridge. One of the greatest sitcoms of all.

[Ed Gamble]

Time and the greatest series of a sitcom.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Smack the Pony.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Iconic sketch show Smack the Pony.

[Ed Gamble]

Part of a lineup on BBC2 of shows on either a Monday or a Tuesday. I want to say Smack the pony was 9:30pm and it was like a run of three or four things. The. That when I was a kid, I was like, here we go.

[James Acaster]

It was so fun.

[Ed Gamble]

This is my night of telly.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Absolutely fantastic. And now in Austin.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

There's a new Australian comedy series. The BBC have acquired it already a hit in Australia. Coming soon from Friday 4th April.

[Ed Gamble]

Starring Sally, of course. That's why we're talking to her about it. Ben Miller and Michael Theo, who's one of our favorite guys from Love on the Spectrum.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, we both love Love on the Spectrum, especially the two series that Michael is in and very excited to see his acting career take flight.

[Ed Gamble]

So make sure you watch Austin. But of course, James, however much we may love Sally Phillips, if she says a secret ingredient on which we have pre agreed, we will have to remove her from the restaurant. And I hope to God she doesn't say it.

[James Acaster]

Me too. This week, the secret ingredient is pumpkin. Pony.

[Ed Gamble]

Pony.

[James Acaster]

Smack the pony.

[Ed Gamble]

She's not gonna put pony on a menu, man.

[James Acaster]

Oh, you'd think not. I mean, or smack. But people can't. It is edible.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, there was the horse meat scandal, of course.

[James Acaster]

Of course. And there's some countries where, you know, they. They eat horse.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

And they. They do it properly. I guess. So. You know, she might have been to a country where they've made a pony steak or something and it was really nice.

[Ed Gamble]

Where people eat a horse and they know they're eating horse. Unlike the horse meat scandal.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I mean, look, you got to let the horse meat scandal go.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I'm just gu. I missed. I wasn't on mop the week when the horse meat scandal was happening.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that was. That was a good week, I imagine.

[Ed Gamble]

Good week. Good year, mate.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's quite a while the horse meat thing was going on.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

But those ones aren't always the best ones, you know, you think, ah, this is a huge story. It's going to be great. Yeah, but actually, the Internet.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but the horse meat scandal was different, man. Be like, oh, if this is the answer, what is the question? 3 and you could be like, how many horses are in opacity?

[James Acaster]

That's good. Yeah, yeah. I mean, after that, probably winning out of three. How many winter lasagna?

[Ed Gamble]

How many horses are in lasagna?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many horses have I eaten? Yeah. For breakfast.

[Ed Gamble]

How many bites did I take of a pasty before I realized it had a horse in it?

[James Acaster]

Anyway, rest in peace to mop the week. I'll be as we get on with the episode.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, please. This is the off menu menu of Sally Phillips. Welcome, Sally, to the Dream Restaurant.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

[James Acaster]

Welcome, Sally, from the Intelligent Restaurant. Bridge funding you for some time.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Well, thank you very much for inviting me.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you enjoy that?

[Warby Parker Ad]

I did, I did. I just. I. Yeah, that's. That's how you normally greet guests, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

It is.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I did well not to scream, I think. Yeah, yeah. I do startle easily. Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Not that people say startle these days. Yeah, that's good.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. I've got startle reflex like a baby. You.

[Ed Gamble]

When was the last time you were the most startled?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Well, it's the thing that both my sons and also Michael Theo from Austin, he likes to startle me because he thinks my response is funny. I do scream very easily and I'm terrified of snakes. So he comes up and does snake impressions and I scream and my heart rate goes through the roof and I think I'm gonna die early. And he laughs like mutley for about 15 minutes. We have to. And the director gets annoyed because we're, you know, getting behind Losing the Light.

[Ed Gamble]

We should talk about Austin. But Michael Theo in particular, we're both big fans.

[James Acaster]

We're so jealous of.

[Warby Parker Ad]

You need to get Michael Theo on a podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, we would love that. Obviously. Such huge fans from Love on the Spectrum.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Love on the Spectrum, Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He's just brilliant.

[Warby Parker Ad]

He is, he is. I'll tell him that you like. He'll go, they've heard of me. Yeah, he's completely brilliant.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, he's fantastic on that show. And I didn't know that he was like, start acting. And he's acting with you, Ben Miller. It's an amazing cast.

[Warby Parker Ad]

So kind of you.

[James Acaster]

How did you get involved with it? Because I'm very excited to see it.

[Warby Parker Ad]

It was very polite of you to say so. That's not polite.

[James Acaster]

He's not polite.

[Ed Gamble]

He's not a polite guy. He means it. If he says it, he means it. Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Well, that's good. That's good. Yeah. Ben Miller did a film in Australia called Razzle Dazzle, which is very big in Australia. Turns out he's still good friends with the director, Darren Ashton. And Darren works with the company Northern Pictures. That made love on the SP and Australia, well, the whole world fell in love with Michael from Love on the Spectrum, instantly. He was top hat wearing, heart on his sleeve, no defenses, quite a lot of long words. And Darren thought, I wonder if he can act, and rang Ben and said, what do you think? Ben said, I think it's worth a shot. So Darren got in touch with Michael, met him, felt he was even more amazing in person. And so he and Ben came up with the idea of Ben being Michael's long lost dad. And then Ben asked me to write it and I said no. But he. He on. He sort of proposed to me, as in, would you come play my wife on screen? So then we discussed about how it might work and they got some writers on board who don't miss deadlines.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And. Yeah, and then we. We went from there.

[Ed Gamble]

So the. The idea was, come up with, to base around Michael.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Around Michael. Yeah, around Michael.

[Ed Gamble]

Amazing.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Exactly. Yeah. So for me, that I've got, you know, neurodiverse kids, I've got a child who's got down syndrome and autism. And so I, you know, matters to me a lot. Representation. I can see it makes a big difference to Ollie. But also, I think TV is great. You can get people into people's homes and I think if you can get people familiar with people with disabilities, then they're less likely to, you know, exclude them or harm them or whatever, and.

[Ed Gamble]

Just a bit more. A bit more understanding.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Ed Gamble]

I think, yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And also, he's so funny. I mean, it strikes me that, you know, sitcoms in the 70s and 80s, people just pretending to be autistic and so why not just get somebody? And he feels quite strongly that Young Sheldon and Big Bang Theory are misrepresenting autism as, you know, people not caring and all the rest of it. And so he has contributed a lot to the character. He'll sort of flatly refuse to do something, or we use lots of things from his life, like stirring fizzy drinks so that they're flattering and things like that.

[James Acaster]

That's fantastic. It is amazing, the oversight sometimes and stuff like that, where they want to have an autistic character and then they don't even do the bare minimum of research. No habit that they assume it's just someone with no empathy. Yeah, just do that.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Exactly.

[James Acaster]

And think that. That, I don't know, is either funny.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I'm quite Struck with scandic Nordic noir, they tend to make the women autistic so that they can just write men.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Warby Parker Ad]

But yeah, it is, it is fantastic to actually have, have Michael. I mean, it's been great. And I think the thing that's been most telling is how exactly the same it is. You know, it's just no difference. We tried to have a neurodiverse crew on the British end of the shoot and there was no difference between a neurodiverse crew and a crew that didn't identify as neurodiverse. So either that tells you that all the tests just identify people who work in television, which is possible, or just. It's just not such a big deal. Yeah, you know, I also really like. What I really like about this as a parent is that often when autism or learning disability is in a drama, they will make that the reason the character is there. So the character is there because they're autistic and they will then be tortured and killed because they're autistic. You know, I was talking to Sarah Gordy, who's an actress with down syndrome, and I said, what would be your dream character? And she said, a news agent. She just wanted to play someone who was just there as a person who wasn't being, you know, not suffering because she had down syndrome. And so this is great. It's almost irrelevant, the autism. It's just sort of the way he talks and the way he approaches the world. It's just part of his character, but it's not a storyline.

[Ed Gamble]

It's no surprise to me that he's brilliant in it because he's clearly such a performer when he's on screen. Right.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And apparently that's how he learned to talk. So he was non verbal until four or five, maybe later, and his parents noticed he just watched animations. And I shouldn't tell you all of this, you should just get him on because he would be a great guest. Cause he does not lie.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, unlike him.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Me, of course, Life of money, no problem. But Michael, so last, you know, we've just been, just literally just come back and he says, I can't believe that I am so well regarded by the world's media. Look at this, look at this review. Michael. Theo easily outperforms more experienced actors Ben Miller and Sally Phillips. We're like, well, don't read us that one.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't tell us that one, Michael.

[James Acaster]

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, yeah. I love him to bits. I mean, he's just great, Fantastic. So great. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Would you consider yourself a foodie Sally.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I wouldn't. But my partner is a trained chef so I have been dragged into awareness. I mean, I'm someone who. A whole term at university, all I had was Snickers.

[Ed Gamble]

Snickers all day, every day.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. Like all the. It's got protein.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

You know, for dairy. Yeah, yeah. And. And when I was.

[James Acaster]

Why was it stickers? Is it above the other chocolate?

[Warby Parker Ad]

I just don't know. I guess it was the salty tang. It's got everything you need acting. I would just have sausage, beans and chips. That was like all. All the time.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you. When you were just eating Snickers, did you notice any interesting things happening with your health?

[Warby Parker Ad]

No, no, none.

[Ed Gamble]

That's the great thing about being young and at university, isn't it?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. There's that thing where, you know, it's 2:00am you think, I may as well stay up now.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, why not stay up, have a couple of Snickers, go straight to Alexa.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Exactly. But now I do know quite a lot about food. And we did set up in the pandemic, or just before the pandemic, a secret supper club where we did these evenings. The idea being that normally if you have dinner theater, both the food and the theater is rubbish. But we thought, why don't we do performance around the food? So we did one called Fond of Mushrooms, which is a Tolkien quote.

[James Acaster]

All right.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And we did that at the Cricket club on Kew Green, which is where the Fungarium at Kew Gardens have their Christmas party.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And we had the curator of the Fungarium at Kew come and do a presentation about mushrooms. And he's basically a stand up, very, very funny. And so he told us lots of like mushrooms, it turns out, are the fastest things on earth. They fire their spores into the air at a greater speed than anything else.

[James Acaster]

Oh, wow.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. We learned about the stinkhorn mushroom, which is a mushroom that looks like a penis. And Charles Darwin's niece was obsessed with them and was worried they would corrupt. Anyway, lots of interesting facts about mushrooms. And we had a band. The fun guys come in and perform mushroom related mushroom gathering songs. And then Ronnie Anncona and I did some mushroom related material, none of which I can remember now. And we read things like the mushroom gathering scene from Anna Karenina and Sylvia Plat Mushroom Bones. And it was really mad. That evening was unbelievably mad. We lost loads of money. There were five mushroom based courses.

[James Acaster]

Was there a mushroom dessert?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, yeah. Chocolate and porcini. Oh, it was really truffles, chocolate, dark chocolate, Truffles with porcini mushrooms. Absolutely delicious. So we did a few more of those and we did one based on gin and beer and one on stuff you get from the river. And then Midsummer. We did a Swedish Midsummer thing. We haven't done one for a while. Partly because we lose so much money.

[James Acaster]

Because so many people died in the midsummer.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

They were frightened, actually, because Midsomer, the film, had just come out. So we led people into the Swedish church in Marylebone and there was some Swedish mums, but dressed in their kit, you know, the. They look like lederhosen, but with a dress. And they sang a cappella, slightly scary choral music in Swedish. And then we didn't give them drinks or anything, and then led them downstairs and there was a midsummer dance. Have you heard of this? The frog Dance?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Where there's a song and you go round, you dance in a circle and the Swedes sing a lot of songs around food. And this one was. The words, I think, were, little frog, little frog. You're such an idiot. You don't have a tail. And then they go, little pig, little pig. You're great. You have a tail.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And everyone was quite afraid. But we gave them very strong, like, Swedish, homemade Swedish, alcohol.

[Ed Gamble]

I think Midsommar made people scared of all Swedish things for about a year.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, it did. It did. I haven't seen the film, actually.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, some bad stuff happened. If you'd seen the film, you wouldn't have done a themed.

[James Acaster]

You wouldn't have themed it around that.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yes. And we realized that it's not as fun as mushrooms. Mushrooms were fun. Yeah. Yeah. We had a. It was really great. The. The riverside one was fantastic. We had. Ronnie Ancona's brother was an admiral in the navy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Ancona was really getting involved in this.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. And he told us about that. We had an actor who had rode across the Atlantic reading from. Jerome K. Jerome. The. Do you know. Have you read Three Men in a Boat?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Warby Parker Ad]

There's a completely brilliant bit where they're. They've had a tough day and they're all feeling a bit grumpy and then they find a tin of pineapple and their spirits lift, but they haven't got a tin opener. And it's just these three blokes trying to open a tin of pineapple without a tin opener. And it's very.

[Ed Gamble]

Was that dessert at the.

[Warby Parker Ad]

There was. I think it was pineapple based dessert. And we had a forager. George. No, Fred. George, Fred, George.

[Ed Gamble]

Fred and George.

[Warby Parker Ad]

No, I've got that. I can't believe I've got that wrong. Sorry. Menopause. My brain doesn't really work. Fred Flavor Fred is his Instagram handle and he is a. He showed us all the plants around the. We did it in a boathouse. All the plants around the area. That could kill you.

[Ed Gamble]

This sounds great, Sally. I think you should have it.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, it is great. Apart from it's just a loss making thing. So it's just for fun. Yeah. We could do a collaboration. Yeah, we could. Yeah, we'll do one.

[Ed Gamble]

We can't do mushrooms again. Benito hates mushrooms.

[James Acaster]

But we'll base it. How about this? We do a collab. That is the meal that you choose today and that's the. What we. That's what we do for people. We make it a real thing.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Well, we should. Do you. Have you done your meals?

[James Acaster]

You take loads of times. You know, this is a collab with you, so it should be off menu. Ex Sally Phillips.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I haven't, so I haven't actually at the current time decided, well, by the.

[James Acaster]

End of this episode you will.

[Warby Parker Ad]

By the end of this episode I'll have decided.

[James Acaster]

Just do your dream menu.

[Ed Gamble]

When you say at the current times, you mean as we're recording the episode right now.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I did think about it, obviously. Like I say, I was thinking about it and I was sort of planning with menus and all the rest of it and looking at a cookery book of Icelandic food. And then I listened to Bob Mortimer's episode and I just thought, it's all pointless. I just, just need to say jam. I want to eat jam. Jam in hell. I want to be fed jam by Bob Mortimer on a long, on a long spoon.

[James Acaster]

Well, we always start with still or sparkling water. Do you have a preference, Sally?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, I think sparkling water since it's a dream menu, because it's. It's posh, isn't it? And if you're going to have mineral water, it seems. I don't know why. I feel, I have a strong feeling that it's wrong to have non tap still.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Why is that really? I think I just. I just feel someone's making a bit of a point.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

If they have flat, I'm gonna call it flat water.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Flat water.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. They're selling you something that you have for free in your house.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Something you have for free.

[James Acaster]

You know, fresh air.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So do you think people who have still water, that's from a bottle. I'm too good. I'm too good for tap water.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I'm too good for tap water. Yeah. Especially in their own homes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

When they say I don't drink, I. I don't drink tap. I'm like, ooh.

[James Acaster]

Do you know how many people who don't drink tap? I do Flavor Fred.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I do not Flavor Fred. No. Obviously, he just. He drinks from streams.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Here's something I've always had about myself. The other day. I drink tap water all the time at home, obviously. But if I drink it from the bathroom tap, I feel weirder about it, as if it's different water than the kitchen tap.

[Warby Parker Ad]

But I think, is it not? Is it not. I don't know. I don't know either. I know exactly what you mean. It tastes more metallic from them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And I love the fact that we're both confessing that we have both.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. Always have both in the bath. Yeah. But it's convenient. If I'm about to go to bed and I want some water or whatever to take, you know, I'm going to the bathroom tap. Not going. But I'm thinking.

[Warby Parker Ad]

But is it like. It's different from the sink and the bath?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, very different.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Have you ever taken the bath?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, the shower's the hardest one to get.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah. Really gotta be under there for a while to get a good mouthful.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. There is a website, Mineral Waters of the World. World. You know this, presumably?

[Ed Gamble]

No, no.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Where they rank the different mineral waters.

[James Acaster]

Oh, wow.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Someone's properly done it. Done the.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

What's to. What's top?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Well, I actually printed it out because. Although, yeah, I was going to look at some of this, but then I.

[Ed Gamble]

Just realized you printed out quite a lot of stuff.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Well, no, I printed out some of the stuff from the supper club in case there was something I could remember. And I thought I'd read it in the car, but then I got caught. Classic. So I haven't. Here we go. Top is a. Oh, I haven't got number one. Oh, yeah, yeah. Here we go. Number one, Topo Chico. Have you ever heard of that? Topo Chico.

[Ed Gamble]

Topo Chico. Where's that from?

[Warby Parker Ad]

17 votes. Doesn't say 17. I'm guessing 17 Dorna, then. Well, do you want to have a look at the thing? But the only. The first one I recognize is badua at number six with 40 votes.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Warby Parker Ad]

I don't know why. I don't know why. Number one out of five. It is. Mineral waters of the world. Check it. It's independent.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. It's an independent thing they've done.

[Warby Parker Ad]

It's an independent thing. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Sally, I hate to skip ahead, but I've noticed on another sheet there's a paragraph with the subheading Chinese ghosts.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. Yeah. This is all supper club stuff. Yeah. Did you know that Chinese ghosts. The reason Chinese temples have zigzag bridges over their ponds is because Chinese ghosts can only cross water in a straight line.

[James Acaster]

I didn't know.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, it's weird what sort of comes up on the podcast because we've recently had a conversation with John Kearns where we talked about Japanese ghosts not having any feet.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Wow.

[James Acaster]

So I thought this might be where that was going.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

No, but obviously not. It's.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. They can't. They have to cross water in straight lines. They can zigzag on land.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. But not across water. But not across water. But you can't see that bridge and go.

[Warby Parker Ad]

So if you're being chased by a Chinese ghost and there's only a straight bridge, you're.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. You're in big trouble.

[Ed Gamble]

What part of the supper club did that relate to?

[Warby Parker Ad]

I just can't remember. Presumably that was part of the riverside one. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I love that it's still on the form though. And you can't quite remember what.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I can't remember what it was. Yeah. We haven't done one for a while. Like I say. Yeah. Japanese water demons look like small naked men with a turtle shield and a water filled bowl shaped head. So that is how. How I would like my water served. I'd like it served inside the skull of a Japanese waters demon.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Warby Parker Ad]

They lurk in water for unsuspecting passersby and they drag them into the deep. Because this is a dream menu, I will be immune to their charms. And the way you escape from them is you carve your name into a cucumber and you throw it into the water. So I'll have cucumber fizzing cucumber water from the skull of a Japanese water demon, please.

[James Acaster]

That's very appropriate.

[Ed Gamble]

It tastes good in the water and it subdues the demon.

[Warby Parker Ad]

This is the demon.

[Ed Gamble]

Absolutely ideal.

[James Acaster]

Your cucumber has your name carved into it.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Why not? Is that you gonna go full name Sally Phillips or just Sally?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Sally. Sally Elizabeth Phillips.

[James Acaster]

Sally Elizabeth Phillips.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a long old cucumber.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Pop rums or bread? Pop rums or bread Sally Phillips. Pop Lums or bread?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Basket of bread.

[James Acaster]

Basket of bread.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Breads of the world. Peshwari Nan. Obviously.

[James Acaster]

Obviously.

[Warby Parker Ad]

The bounty of breads.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And then. And then like some bread and this, because this is a dream restaurant. All the Bread is good for you.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Warby Parker Ad]

So very, very like Mother's pride, possibly. I love. I still love that. Rolling it into balls. Yeah. And then a Swedish bread with some kind of like citrus thing. Oh, yeah, I like that, like, you know, orange cardamom kind of thing with like nuts in it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

It's probably got a name.

[Ed Gamble]

Delicious is a Swedish bread. Quite a sort of heavy, heavy bread, would you say? What's the.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Well, they do lots of different breads.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Very strong bread cult. So you can get a rye bread, but that's not what I'm thinking. It has a bit of rye in it, this bread. Maybe it's got a bit of oat in it, but it's also got, I think, cardamom and little. Maybe little seeds and. Sounds good.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Orange rind.

[James Acaster]

Lovely.

[Ed Gamble]

A little bit sweet then with the little bit sweet.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Maybe a hot cross bun in there.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Maybe a hot chocolate. Well, exactly. Hot cross bun.

[James Acaster]

That's how you started your day today for the list.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I started my day with hot cross bun. It was huge as well, wasn't it? And it was brown. Yeah, it was a non traditional hot cross bun.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It looked really good, though.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And you could peel the cross off.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's if you're not religious.

[Warby Parker Ad]

That's if you're not really.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a non denominational. Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

You can get rid of it. Just. Just have the fun. I always think of Jesus every time I eat that hot cross bun.

[Ed Gamble]

You think of Jesus every time you eat anything though, don't you?

[James Acaster]

I was. I was raised in the church.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So like. But like. Yeah, I still figured. Yeah. Because of my upbringing. Every time.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Are you raised in the church?

[James Acaster]

I was little Christian boy.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Which church?

[James Acaster]

It was. It was like a non denominational, like.

[Warby Parker Ad]

So it's like a guitars and.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Rock band. Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And were you in the rock band?

[James Acaster]

No, but I learned drums from the drummer in the rock band because I wanted to. I wanted to be in that one day.

[Ed Gamble]

But sometimes James plays drums. It sounds very religious.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Shaky egg.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, Shaky egg. Of course. I've got a shaky egg knocking around the house somewhere. Yeah, of course, all of that. I do actually still have the tambourine that that drummer gave me. It's for the. It's covered in stickers that say how cool Jesus is. So like, I've so got that in my house.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Do you think there's quite a lot of comics? There's quite a few, aren't they, who had vicar dads? Was Yours a vicar dad or just like that?

[James Acaster]

But yeah, I've met a few who do have vicar parents. Hugh Dennis I think.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. He's definitely got bishop dad.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

None of your tasks?

[James Acaster]

No. When I was a teenager I went to a Christian festival called Greenbelt and you were there. That's the first time I ever saw you doing.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You introduced a band I think probably I was like that's a comedian.

[Warby Parker Ad]

That's the only time I've ever been to Greenbelt.

[James Acaster]

Was it just once? Cheltenham Racecourse.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I thought, I really liked it.

[James Acaster]

It's great.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I really liked it. They had Peter Tatchell, they were talking to him very respectfully. I was like thank God this is a place where Christians are not rude about homosexuals.

[James Acaster]

Yes. It's one thing that looking back at when I was religious I'll go that was cool actually. I liked that ice cream belt.

[Ed Gamble]

Does it still happen?

[James Acaster]

It does and now it happens even closer to. It's literally like two minutes from my parents house. It happens now do I go? No.

[Ed Gamble]

You're setting yourself up for them to email you to try and book. You know. Hey, you've absolutely set yourself up for it.

[James Acaster]

Well yeah but they know I'm a, I'm such a, a bad boy now.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

They couldn't book me for green.

[Warby Parker Ad]

But you're not that bad.

[James Acaster]

Huh?

[Ed Gamble]

What, what do you mean?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Sally host a food podcast Sense.

[James Acaster]

I. I'll tell it like it is. I don't care. I care about anyone's feelings.

[Warby Parker Ad]

That's just not true.

[Ed Gamble]

Rude man.

[James Acaster]

Rude. I'm rude? Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

You're not rude.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Bad manners.

[Ed Gamble]

Many.

[James Acaster]

When, when I'm on.

[Ed Gamble]

Not now. Sure.

[Warby Parker Ad]

When you're on stage.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. They put me on that stage. They'll, they'll be on the receiving and they'll be on the business end of some opinions.

[Warby Parker Ad]

They won't like it off my new from Greenbelt.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Ed wouldn't do it. He likes heavy metal. He would, he would like. I think if you set foot on that holy ground he would go up in flames. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just steam would start rising off of him. You wouldn't be able to do it.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I don't really know what it's like. It's supposed to be pretty open minded isn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah but not to Satanist like are you a Satanist?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think I am, no. I like heavy metal though.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But you know I don't know how they feel about that at Greenbelt.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I think, think the guy who directed the Shack One of the more Christian films ever is really into heavy metal. I don't think it's incompatible. Is it? Unless. Do you. Is it all? It's not all. I don't like heavy metal. Is it all about Satan?

[Ed Gamble]

Some of it. Yeah, yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Satan I love you.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. That sort of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love you.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

That's one of my favorites.

[James Acaster]

You gotta be careful with songs like that. You can't go to green belt singing. Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Satan I love you.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But I guess they love everyone, right? So they have to love Satan.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Well I think that's a really interesting theological point.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Is that the logical end point?

[James Acaster]

But they all Christians become Satanists.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Even Satan should be forgiven.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Yes.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Like where is the line? Yeah, it seems arbitrary.

[Ed Gamble]

Interesting. I mean this is quite a boring point I'm gonna make. But I think a lot of Satanists don't actually believe the notion of Satan. Satan. They Satanism is about.

[Warby Parker Ad]

You are a selflessness.

[Ed Gamble]

It's about self worship.

[James Acaster]

Listen to that. Spoken like a true Satanist.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Is it about self worship? I thought it was about like outsiders like being outside the thing or is it about making yourself as.

[Ed Gamble]

I think a lot of Satanists would say it's about self worship and Satan is a representative thing as being anti organization religion.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Wow. I love disorganized religion. It's my favorite. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I was gonna say.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Like whenever I've been to church it doesn't seem very organized.

[James Acaster]

The one I went to wasn't all over the place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Usually Dawn French wasn't organized.

[Warby Parker Ad]

She was more organized than most.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. To be fair. Let's get into your menu proper now. Your dream starter.

[Warby Parker Ad]

So. So I really like the idea this is a dream restaurant.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[Warby Parker Ad]

So I really like the idea of being able to get your own stuff like find your own food. Now in reality that would be me swearing traips along the banks of the Thames with a spade looking for a Jerusalem artichoke and only finding something polluted. But in this world I love the idea of just going to be able to, you know, going to. To collect a load of stuff. Is this like the age and stage I'm at? Like I think it is probably a sort of post menopausal stage in a woman where you foraging want to forage and gather and weave things and find like wild garlic flowers. And I want to eat chervil. What is chervil? What is that? Yeah. Monk sweed and hagwort and things like that. So I in the dream environment I Want to forage for a load of stuff? Like, I want to eat flowers that are not poisonous like last time.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. In terms of the dream restaurant, we can guarantee that you're not gonna be poisoned by anything that you find amazing. The dream restaurant, I guess. Are you thinking we're, like, on an expansive plain, we're in the countryside, and you can just walk around and find things?

[Warby Parker Ad]

And there's a bounty area, let's say starter in the countryside at Eksted. Have you ever eaten there?

[James Acaster]

No.

[Warby Parker Ad]

So it's a Swedish restaurant. They cook in iron bowls, and they infuse things with it. They burn hay under the thing, and it's like, the thing. It's the most beautiful meal I've ever eaten. I've only eaten there once. It was just unbelievable. Things sort of arriving on bits of moss with tiny flowers. And it was the first time I sort of. We'd been doing these supper clubs, and I was like, oh, let's make it look nice and let's do art around the food. And I went, oh, okay, sorry. I get it now. This is art around the food. This food is so beautiful and it smells so amazing. You could see them cooking it. So an iron bowl came out red hot, and by the time you got to your table, it was black again. And then the thing was cooking in it.

[James Acaster]

Where is this place?

[Warby Parker Ad]

There's one in Stockholm, but I think there's one in London. Ex dead at the yard.

[Mint Mobile Ad]

Wow.

[Ed Gamble]

Nice.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And it's really amazing.

[Ed Gamble]

That sounds really good.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Like the chef's tasting menu. Nine courses we had. And I was like, okay, I get it now. Having beaten. You took to Snickers, girl, you know?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

It's like, okay, I understand. This is absolutely amazing. Yeah, I guess out in the woods, like, nomadic dinners, that kind of thing. And we've gone and got a load of things, and then someone actually more skilled has made sure you don't burn it. But I did have cooked lettuce. Have you ever had that?

[Ed Gamble]

No, I've had, like, grilled lettuce before. Like, you know, baby gem lettuce done on a barbecue and stuff like that.

[Warby Parker Ad]

No, it's. Well, I don't know what it's called anyway. It's slightly different kind of lettuce. And then it's sort of. You sort of grill it over hay with some smoked butter.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And then put it on a plate, surround it with a load of edible flowers, which you don't have. Have to eat, but they make you feel special and beautiful. And when you're past Your prime as a woman. There's nothing nicer.

[James Acaster]

So you would like the grilled lettuce with the butter over hay with the edible flowers around it smoked. Yeah, edible flowers around it in a field or in the woods.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Don't mind. Outside. Yeah, outside. And maybe, you know, I'm a sucker for those sticks with lights that hang off them, you know? Sorry, do you know what I mean?

[Ed Gamble]

Like a lamp or a torch, but.

[Warby Parker Ad]

It'S like a string of lights. What's it called? Festoon. Festoon garland.

[Ed Gamble]

Benito didn't even have to Google that.

[Warby Parker Ad]

He didn't even have to do it. Festoon, garland, fairy lights, candles.

[James Acaster]

No joy whatsoever.

[Ed Gamble]

Like a nice music festival where there's like a glade.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Like a nice. Yeah, Glade. Nice music festival. Exactly.

[James Acaster]

I'm patriot because the other week I went to a premiere screening of the first two episodes of Bridget Christie's the Change. That's all in the Forest of Dean. And there's like all that. And that's to be fair.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Have I just described Bridget Christie's?

[James Acaster]

No, but that's what I'm imagining because I've got it so fresh and in my. I work so fresh in my mind. Yeah, you're saying about the foraging and that's a big part of that show as well, and nature and all of that and because they talk about the menopause and you just talk about that.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Right. Okay, well, yeah, maybe that, maybe that's it. I mean, I, I, it's always struck me that women have a kind of more creative midlife crisis where we get into weaving and distilling things and collecting things and men just go dump their wives and buy a Porsche. Yeah, whatever. It's just.

[James Acaster]

Yes, one does sound. Yeah, a bit more.

[Ed Gamble]

Sounds a bit more idyllic, doesn't it?

[Warby Parker Ad]

I mean. Yeah, I don' it feels good to me anyway. I don't want a Porsche. Feels good to me. The only thing that can happen is I think women can get into a babying primates kind of stage. Like babying puppies. Like when their maternal instinct goes supercharged. When you hit 50 even that's so you know what? This is a dream restaurant. Let's have a whole load of baby baboons wandering around. Some little chimps. Like a spider monkey. Spider monkey that loves me. That can play the banjo. Yeah, yeah, he's there too. On my, on my shoulder.

[Ed Gamble]

Is he playing the banjo on your shoulder and he loves you.

[Warby Parker Ad]

A tiny, tiny banjo playing rainbow connection. No, he's playing Nina Simone. Like what's the word montage.

[James Acaster]

Like oh yeah, a little medley. A little Nina Simone.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Nina Simone medley.

[Ed Gamble]

Is he eating as well, the spider monkey or is he just playing while you're.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, I feed him petals.

[James Acaster]

Little petals.

[Ed Gamble]

This is lovely.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And he claps in a very telegenic smoke.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Like rolls over backwards, falls off his.

[Ed Gamble]

Shoulder laughing, pops his banjo on his back and starts clapping.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, yeah, something like that.

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[James Acaster]

Your dream main course.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, Jam Dream main course.

[Ed Gamble]

You've started very well, by the way, so I'm excited to hear the rest of the menu.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Well, I mean, what I was thinking before I listened to Bob Mortimer's episode was I would. I'd really like a Tagine. It's a bit boring, though.

[James Acaster]

That's not boring.

[Ed Gamble]

It's boring.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Delicious dates and apricots and all of that in it. Yeah, it is a bit dull. Dull?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think it's dull at all. I think Tagine's lovely.

[Warby Parker Ad]

You.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, if you think that's dull, you should have heard some of the things that people have said.

[Warby Parker Ad]

What's the dullest thing you've heard?

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, my God.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Fish fingers.

[James Acaster]

I gladly never hear anyone pick a roast dinner again.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Oh, really? Yes. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

No disrespect to all the people who have. And I understand it as well. I love a roast.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, we had a roast last night. My family over for a roast.

[James Acaster]

Let's talk about it.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Let's talk about the roast.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Well, roast potatoes, I mean, they are great. They're classic, aren't they?

[James Acaster]

They are.

[Warby Parker Ad]

They are just. Just brilliant.

[Ed Gamble]

Depends who does them and how they do it.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Depends. And how do you do yours? Do you shake them in there? Do you parboil them just if.

[Ed Gamble]

I rarely do. I rarely do a roast at home. I'm just not cooking a lot at the moment. But I will do the par. Boiling and shaking when I do.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yes, exactly. Me too. Because I like all the crispy stuff on the outside. Yeah, exactly.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you do the squashing still?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I still do the squashing.

[Ed Gamble]

I gotta try the squashing.

[James Acaster]

My friend Joe and Kate, I went to Joe and Kate's house recently.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah.

[James Acaster]

And they did Nigella's roast potatoes, and they were incredible. Some of the best roast potatoes are so crispy and flavorful. But also they'd left the Nigella cookbook open on the side on the roast potatoes page. And I was looking back and forth, it looked identical. I was like, you've nailed it.

[Warby Parker Ad]

It's amazing.

[James Acaster]

The photo of the roasties in the cookbook is ident. It's like you've taken a photo of my plate and you've put it into the cookbook. I couldn't believe it.

[Ed Gamble]

This is what it's like having James over for food. He will be so enthusiastic about the weirdest stuff.

[Warby Parker Ad]

But were you, like, have you been foodies then both of For a long time?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I think so. I mean, certainly as long as we've been doing this podcast and probably a few years before that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Ed longer than me, I'd say, yeah, I love it.

[Ed Gamble]

Absolutely love it. I used to be more about quantity over quality, I'd say, yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And then you had to grow, didn't you?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, exactly, yeah. And once I cut down on the quantity, I started focusing more on the quality. And now I like quantity of quality.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I mean, I genuinely like healthy food, which makes it. Which is a bit supporting, but I think that's from having had. From having had three boys who really just want to eat, you know, flying saucers and toxic. What are they called?

[James Acaster]

Toxic waste.

[Ed Gamble]

Toxic waste.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Toxic waste. They literally want to eat toxic waste all day if they can. And I've got my son with down syndrome who will go downstairs. We have to lock the kitchen. Cause he goes downstairs in the night.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

We used to say he'd go downstairs and I used to make brownies, go downstairs and eat all the brownies. And we called him the brownie fairy. And then we stopped having brownies. There was a thing where that 50, he started to smell and I was like, what is this? He smells really weird. And I found that he'd stolen the rest of the roast chicken and hidden it at the bottom of his cupboard. And it had been there for about 10 days.

[James Acaster]

That's great. Respect.

[Warby Parker Ad]

All his. Yeah. Always digging, like, food wrappers out from under his. It's a genuine worry, like, how to stop him eating so much all the time. No off button at all. And he says, my body, my choice, Mum.

[James Acaster]

Good on him.

[Ed Gamble]

Checkmate.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Check.

[Ed Gamble]

Worst day of your life when he learned that. I'd imagine when he found that phrase somewhere.

[Warby Parker Ad]

My body, my choice.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not really what people use the phrase for.

[Warby Parker Ad]

No, exactly.

[James Acaster]

He's got you. He's got you there. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He has got you.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I have my own consent.

[James Acaster]

He says, yeah, darling, do you want that roast chicken as your main course at the bottom of the wardrobe?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. Old roast chicken from the bottom of my son's cupboard. Now, I think I probably would go for a tagine. My partner makes a really, really, really good one.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And I love butternut squash. Again, that's very strange. Only babies. Me and babies love butternut squash. I do love butternut squash.

[James Acaster]

I think it's. I think a lot of people do that.

[Warby Parker Ad]

My mother hates it. The rest of my family don't really like it, really. But I love it.

[James Acaster]

I love them. I've got. I've got one at home waiting for me. I'm gonna roast that.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

We've talked about this before. But how I wouldn't buy butternut squash because I find it chopping it up. Dawn hunting.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Because they're quite. They're quite hardcore, aren't they?

[Warby Parker Ad]

They're easy. But you, you're a man who's into death metal.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I should be fine. I just put on some death metal and.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Go to town on it first in your robes. Sacrifice the butternut squash.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, yeah. There's a bit at the top. It is a pain, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I've got a cleaver though, so I'll use the cleaver.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Exactly. Use the cleaver.

[James Acaster]

Come on.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, yeah, I get. I get you though. It is, yeah, it is a bit.

[Ed Gamble]

Daunting, your karate chop it in half. Yeah, he's a bad boy.

[James Acaster]

Bad boy.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Just karate chop it in half straight away, one hit splits.

[Warby Parker Ad]

It's my dad. Just swear at mine.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And it just falls apart.

[James Acaster]

Does what it's told.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, does what it's told. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So what else is in this Tagine, you see. Got the dates and apricots and butternut squash. Is there meats within?

[Warby Parker Ad]

It doesn't need to have meat in it. Yeah. I'm not a vegetarian but I'm completely happy with it without meat. That said, on Austin Season 2, the director and the producer of Vegetarian, without telling anyone, they decided to have a vegetarian set.

[Ed Gamble]

That's unrelated that. Yeah, I'm walking off.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. Well, Ben Miller, he was relentless. Every day he would do a sort of protein breakdown of what we'd had to eat and eventually broke them. We were having this really delicious vegetarian food but it wasn't enough protein in it. So you were just knackered by 3:00. Yeah. So by the end we would have. It was pretty much chicken every day, like bad tempered meat, you know, butter chicken every day where the vegetarians continue to have their salads. And it would say vegetarians only.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, wow. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Divided set.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Divided set. Yeah. So I'm fine if it doesn't have any meat in it.

[James Acaster]

And where do you want this? Do you still. Are you still in the glade?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Well, I quite. Well, it's weird to have tagine on top of a mountain. But like, why not just do the world thing? Yeah, why not tagine on top of a mountain? Be warm on the top of a mountain.

[James Acaster]

Are you going to be a like wrapped up.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Wrapped up.

[James Acaster]

It'd be torn. Everest or.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Probably not. Because it'd be hard to breathe.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Breathing, visibility, that sort of stuff.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Breathing, visibility, that kind of thing.

[Ed Gamble]

And there'd be loads of tourists around.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. Like a simple. A simple alp will do.

[James Acaster]

A nice Alp.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Matterhorn. On the Matterhorn.

[James Acaster]

On the Matterhorn.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, on the Matterhorn.

[James Acaster]

Oh, Bonito getting excited there because it's a Disneyland.

[Warby Parker Ad]

That's where you're from. Bonito.

[James Acaster]

He loves Disney. He loves Disney World, Disneyland and all the roller coasters. And the Matterhorn is the OG at Disneyland. So he'll get excited hearing you say.

[Warby Parker Ad]

But you need to come with us because I've got special needs kids. We can get to the front of the queue.

[James Acaster]

Oh, there you go, Benito. Gotta be happy with that. Your body, your choice.

[Ed Gamble]

But you wanna be up the actual Matterhorn, not the Disney Matterhorn.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I want to be up. Yeah. Definitely not the Disney Matterhorn.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Is the spider monkey gonna be on the Matterhorn with you?

[Warby Parker Ad]

No.

[James Acaster]

No. Leaving it behind.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Well, now you're getting me, so why not? Let's have a Heidi themed restaurant. Heidi Joanna Spiry themed restaurant with baby goats.

[Ed Gamble]

Wonderful.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And Peter the goatherd. I haven't read that since I was a kid. That book. But there was Peter the goather and the grandfather.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I love this theme with the food. So like a Heidi themed restaurant. You're having a tagine.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. Well, you know Heidi. Yeah. After going to Frankfurt, she then went to Morocco.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, exactly. People can't prove she's very old.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Now, Heidi, she's massive. Muta Heidi. The size of the Matterhorn herself. Yeah. And then on the side. I want toddler veg.

[James Acaster]

Okay. So is this your dream side dish?

[Warby Parker Ad]

My dream side dish. Vegetables grown by toddlers who. They can't. They can't wait. Right. So they have to be dug up. So the carrots are just the size Tiny.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And the potatoes are miniature.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

So toddler. Toddler veg.

[Ed Gamble]

Is this a thing?

[Warby Parker Ad]

So sweet. It's a thing. Yes. Yeah. It's a thing where you don't know about this yet, but you. Well, maybe you'll never have children and maybe you don't want children, but.

[James Acaster]

Correct.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Growing children. Growing children. Growing. One of the things you do with them is you grow before they go to school is you grow vegetables with them. So you have your little bucket of soil and you plant some stuff and. And it's just adorable.

[James Acaster]

And they always dig it up and they can't.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, they can't wait. So they dig it up.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And you have to persuade them to put it back. So putting the carrots back so they get slightly longer than like 3 millimeters but they're so sweet, these little things.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And they taste delicious. Yeah, yeah. Completely delicious. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Okay, so that's what you want to do.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Peas that my son grew are the best peas I've ever had in my life.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Are they smaller than normal peas?

[Warby Parker Ad]

No, those ones grew full size because they were above so he could check on them all the time. But it's the root vegetables that are tiny.

[Ed Gamble]

You can't be constantly checking in on them, can you?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. The potatoes tiny. Yeah. That's why turkey memories as well.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. So you want them all mixed in together. Little bowl of toddler.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Bowl of toddler veg.

[James Acaster]

And like, are you having butter on that or anything?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, why not?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

But actually they're really, really sweet. So you don't actually need much.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

So on a cheap, non organic carrot, I might put some honey, butter and honey on a cheap carrot. But on a. On a toddler, carrot needs nothing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Needs nothing.

[James Acaster]

And what toddlers do you want making this?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Well, I'd like my kids to be toddlers again.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah, toddlers again. And they can make you make the veg.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So if your kids are toddlers again for the main course, what's the spider monkey thinking? Because the spider monkey was a stand in for a child, wasn't it?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Spider monkey? Well, that was the starter. We traveled back in time and we've gone to the top of Matterhorn.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's okay now. That's spider monkey.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, he's fine.

[James Acaster]

He's had his fun.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Oh, that sounds great. I love that. Yeah. Are your kids as toddlers gonna be there or you just wanna know that they've made the veg?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, it'd be nice if they were there.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Have them there.

[Warby Parker Ad]

That would be great. I feel like I've chosen the wrong place for the wrong thing. Cause I would quite like to be. To like burn things on a beach at some point. Maybe that was the. But you wouldn't have hay on the beach like that.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you mean like evidence?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, like barbecue. Something on a beach. That's good though, isn't it? That's just fantastic.

[James Acaster]

I mean. Yeah, I mean, you are right. Probably the starter, isn't it?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Would be barbecue. Yeah, that didn't either.

[Ed Gamble]

Depends what your dessert's gonna be.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. Maybe I should swap the tagine. Okay. I'm swapping the tagine out.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Axe the Matterhorn. We're now on a beach and it's a fresh fish on a beach. Fresh fish on a Beach cooked in a fire.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Does it matter what kind of fish it is?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Not that much, no.

[James Acaster]

Don't mind.

[Warby Parker Ad]

No, not that much. I once had sushi straight out of the ocean.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And that was unbelievable. My ex husband caught it, chef cut it up and we ate it like within. Within half an hour of its death.

[Ed Gamble]

Went right into the microphone to say that bit.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

What fish? What sort of fish was it?

[Warby Parker Ad]

I don't even know and I don't care. It was unbelievable.

[Ed Gamble]

It was amazing.

[Warby Parker Ad]

It was so different. Nothing like your Waitrose sushi lunch pack. Yeah, my Waitrose has a sushi bar.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I don't know how I feel about that.

[Ed Gamble]

Really.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I don't know. I mean it's. I don't know. I feel sorry for them, like trapped in the sushi pen.

[Ed Gamble]

What, the people working there or the fish?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, people, not the fish. No. I should probably have more compassion for the fish, but I don't.

[Ed Gamble]

I reckon working the sushi bar in. In a supermarket is the best bit to work in. I don't think they're trapped. I think it's better than working out on the floor in a supermarket, don't you?

[Warby Parker Ad]

No. The movement. I'd like to go up and down. I'd like to get a bit of resistance pushing on that big trolley. You know the big, big trolleys.

[Ed Gamble]

They have the big trolleys.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. You get to appreciate the shelving. You need to.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Whereas the. Apart from. I quite like sushi art. Have you seen sushi art? There's you. There's quite a lot of sushi art where people. People make different pictures with the sushi. That's quite fun. But they don't get to do that in Waitrose.

[James Acaster]

I have not even heard of this.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Haven't you? What kind of podcast is this?

[James Acaster]

Have you printed out a picture of this sushi? Your dream drink.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Dream drink? Well, it depends on which of the locations we're in.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I think we're now on the beach for the main course.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Now on the beach. So some kind of cocktail.

[Ed Gamble]

A cocktail, yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Some kind of like girl drink. Did you ever see that sketch? Girl drink, Drunk. Like a massive great vat of rainbow colored alcohol with glitter in and a bendy straw and an umbrella. And it's brought to me by monkeys. There's monkeys here.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Ed Gamble]

The monkeys are monkeys? The monkeys are bad.

[Warby Parker Ad]

They feel the cold. They won't get on the Matterhorn.

[James Acaster]

Who did that sketch?

[Warby Parker Ad]

The. Their Canadian all male sketch troupe called Kids in the Hall. Oh, yes, Kids in the Hall. Oh Yeah, love them.

[James Acaster]

They were cool.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I'm crushing your hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're good. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Is there some of your sketches from, like, the Smack the Pony days that you get said back to you?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Do people bring them up a bit and we were. We didn't. We didn't have catchphrases.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Warby Parker Ad]

So, yeah, I mean, people. Yeah, people do talk about. About some of them.

[James Acaster]

What's the most common one that you get?

[Warby Parker Ad]

The most common one is the singing match was me and Dune doing competitive singing in the back room at a warehouse classic. Right.

[James Acaster]

Do they get you to do it? Do they want you to?

[Warby Parker Ad]

No, they don't really.

[James Acaster]

They just go, oh, that's singing.

[Warby Parker Ad]

No. Yeah, they don't really. They. They tend to sort of shout things from sitcoms or films instead.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a godsend to not have catchphrases from a sketch show, though, isn't it?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, well, we just felt really strongly about that because I remember thinking it was cheating, which it isn't. Of course, that was. And also, if we'd had catchphrases, then we could have, like, sold a load of merch and we were wealthy, but instead we had no return characters. No returning characters. Yeah. Nothing we can exploit.

[Ed Gamble]

You had the running things of, like, the videos, like the dating video things. Yeah, but that was having to write a new character every time that was a new character.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. We used to have, like, a hot seat where you'd do. We'd have three or four written and then they just blocked the day out and you could just run in and do whatever you wanted.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Hence video dates. Like, work has been sub. After the moment. Oh, apple sticker. That explains a lot. Which is not a great sketch.

[Ed Gamble]

It's funny, though.

[Warby Parker Ad]

It's just us going, who's, like, your turn. You just run in, do something, run off.

[Ed Gamble]

And if. And look, if you'd agreed on catchphrases, you could have done apple sticker, like, every episode.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Apple sticker. I could have done apple sticker on the Matterhorn apple sticker in the forest.

[Ed Gamble]

The apple sticker. That explains a lot. Could have been the end of every single shirt.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

T shirts, keys, apple stickers. You can just sell Apple stickers sponsored by Apple companies.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Do you get a lot of people bringing a panel and Partridge to you as well?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

I mean, when you get the giggles in it, that's. That's. That's. That's my favorite Sally Phillips Alan Partridge moment is when you get the giggles.

[Warby Parker Ad]

That was like. That was All I did.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I was a bit. I mean, I was quite young at the time, but I was really not. Cause I was fake laughing and everyone just thought I was laughing at Steve, like being really unprofessional at work, which now I don't mind. But at the time I was like, no, I am acting.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I gave myself a headache.

[James Acaster]

So what's in this cocktail? What. What sort of boo do you need to.

[Ed Gamble]

Are we going to booze or is it.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I don't even need to know. I mean, I'm really happy for like homemade. I mean, this stuff we serve, the midsummer thing was lethal. Yeah, it was bright colors.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Flavor Fred's own alcohol. Apart from there's a lot of, like, poisonings. I read by Flavor Fred. No, no, no, not by him. He knows what's poisonous, what isn't. Yeah, but like, there's a. It's called fake alcohol, but it's not fake. It is alcoholic people brewing their own alcohol and making it out of different things. And this, it's. There's an increase in poisonings from fake alcohol.

[Ed Gamble]

I follow a lot of Instagram accounts who make that sort of stuff. You make like wine out of Mountain Dew and stuff? What, and do. Yeah, there's a mead guy. I follow a mead guy.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Wow.

[Ed Gamble]

He makes different.

[Warby Parker Ad]

What does he look like?

[Ed Gamble]

You never see him.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I love that. I love that. He makes loads of acronym from honey.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he'll make loads of different flavors and stuff and occasionally do like Mountain Dew or Dr. Pepper.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. I love the idea of having. Have you seen those beautiful copper gin like things?

[Ed Gamble]

The stills?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, yeah. What are they called?

[Ed Gamble]

Gin stills, I think gin stills. Yeah, I think you called them that. Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I mean, I'm. I can't hold my drink at all, but in this world I can.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And in this world, as well as having a forest full of edible flowers and all the rest of it, I would have a whole cellar full of gin stills. This is beautiful, isn't it? Like a whole. I just love to say, come, this is. Welcome to my house, we can have dinner. This is the.

[Ed Gamble]

This is the gin room.

[Warby Parker Ad]

This is the gin room. That would be great, wouldn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. You should have a gin room.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. Everyone should have a gin.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So in this cocktail, you don't want to know what's in it, you just want to drink it.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And yeah, I'd like it to be an entirely new alcohol made from a surprising non poisonous ingredient that is delicious.

[Ed Gamble]

And it's got glitter in It.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, I'm. I'm just joking about the glitter. You know what, I was in Duty Free thinking, coming back from Australia, thinking, oh, what should I get for people? And they had a lot of, you know, alcohols that change color when you pour them and things like that. And I looked at it and I thought, oh, that's great. And I thought, oh, no, that's not great. That's shit. I'm too old. I'm too old for fun alcohol.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, Serious alcohol.

[Warby Parker Ad]

It's a thing, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

It's like, I've not heard of alcohol that changes color when you pour it.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Nor had I. Weird. And it had glitter in and all the rest of it. And I was like, no, awful. I don't want any of that stuff. I want it to taste nice. Exactly. And, and, and also be a nice color, to be honest. That matters to me.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Ed Gamble]

I remember gold. Gold Schlager used to come up quite a lot in my. In my youth when I started drinking Goldschlager.

[Warby Parker Ad]

What's that?

[Ed Gamble]

It's like lager with gold. No, no, it's not lager. It's like a very strong spirit but with flakes. Flakes of gold in it.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yes.

[Warby Parker Ad]

No, I remember that. Yeah, I do remember that.

[James Acaster]

I remember that from Superbad.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, really?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. The. The girl that he fancies wants. Wants him to get that vodka that has gold flakes in it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So it's very important that he gets that for the party.

[Ed Gamble]

It's such a gross idea.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Needs to be something that puts you in a good mood, though. I remember, like one of the drinks I most appreciated ever was someone bringing a bottle of espresso martini to PTA drinks. Completely transformed the evening.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I bet.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Who was it who bought the. Was it a parent or a teacher?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, Got messy. Yeah, got messy.

[Ed Gamble]

Is that the one? Is that like parents? Even though you have to go and speak to all the teachers individually.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But racing through those meetings, that was a pta.

[Warby Parker Ad]

It was like when the parent group and the teacher group, they talk about how the parents can help the school.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And raise money and they can. Yeah. Do the reading with the 5 year olds and all of that.

[Ed Gamble]

And you're just all completely off your.

[James Acaster]

Head going, no, it's not our job, guys.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Nick is on the roof.

[Sally Phillips]

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[James Acaster]

We arrive at your dream dessert. Are we on the beach?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Still no crossing the Riverhorn then?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, we're back up the Matterhorn now.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Go back up the Matterhorn.

[Ed Gamble]

As soon as you got rid of Matoran, I knew Matorn was coming back.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. Yeah. Really cozy. Open fire. Yeah, massive. Heidi.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, Heidi's back there. She is massive.

[James Acaster]

She thought she was out of the picture.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. And maybe hot chocolate fondant, but with the mushrooms in. Cause that was great.

[Ed Gamble]

That's nice with those truffles.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. So the inside bit maybe has the porcini mushrooms in it. It. And then all around the outside of the plate there's wild strawberries.

[James Acaster]

Oh yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Smollett, love this.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you foraged these?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

You're into foraging.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, why not?

[James Acaster]

Wild strawberries just make me feel guilty. I remember being a little kid and my mom took so long to. She was growing wild strawberries in the garden. It was very important to her.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It took ages.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And you ate the whole lot.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

So nice, aren't they?

[James Acaster]

She, she, she, she got enough for a little bottle bowl toddler fruit. So it's a little. Yeah, toddler fruit, but by a grown woman. And she put a little bowl, she put some of her natural yogurt that she liked on it. And she was like, today's the day. I'm gonna do it.

[Ed Gamble]

Your poor mom.

[James Acaster]

And everyone else had their. We had our own desserts. And she was like, I'm so excited for this. And she said to my dad, do you want, do you want to try some? She got a spoonful for herself, which is basically all of it.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

She went, do you want to try some? And he went, yep. And then she put the spoon to Him. And as a joke, he pretended like he was gonna eat the whole spoon. And then he just had a little one.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And I was sitting there going, that would have been funny. You missed a gad there. And then she said to me, do you want some? I went, yep, and you ate the whole thing. And as soon as my lips closed around the spoon and I had all of them in my mouth.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I remember looking up at her and seeing her face and realizing that was an error.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

This is the worst. But I now can't.

[Ed Gamble]

You're a bad boy.

[James Acaster]

My then just slid off of the spoon all the strawberries. She was like, at the time. And, you know.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Did she cry?

[James Acaster]

She listens to this podcast every week, and she knows that I know that she has since taken this back, but she said, that's the worst thing you've ever done. It was bad.

[Ed Gamble]

Has she taken it back? Or have you done just much more worse stuff since?

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, I've topped it.

[Warby Parker Ad]

They do taste so great. And they don't taste like strawberries. They taste like sweets.

[James Acaster]

I can't even tell you what it.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Tastes like because you just swallowed them all in one.

[James Acaster]

Because I just felt so awful.

[Ed Gamble]

You swallowed them like aspirin.

[James Acaster]

As soon as I'd done it, I was like, so you'll never be able.

[Warby Parker Ad]

To eat them and enjoy them.

[James Acaster]

I'd never be able to eat them. Enjoy them while we grow.

[Warby Parker Ad]

We've grown them at home. My partner's made wild strawberry ice cream.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, It's.

[Warby Parker Ad]

It tastes like. They taste like sherbet.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Warby Parker Ad]

They taste like they take. Not like toxic waste, but they taste as good as something that's terrible for you. They taste as good as that? They taste like sherbe, but they're just absolutely delicious.

[James Acaster]

I love how big toxic waste is in your household.

[Ed Gamble]

The first and only time I've had a toxic waste, I was driving back from a gig and I bought some. Cause I was like, that's funny. It's like in a radioactive drum. Got back in the car, 70 miles an hour on the motorway, popped a toxic waste of my mouth. Nearly went into the central reservation, screaming at the top of my lungs, no.

[James Acaster]

One should drive a car and eat a toxic waste.

[Ed Gamble]

No, it's crazy.

[James Acaster]

Like the DeLorean all of a sudden.

[Ed Gamble]

Why are toxic waste so big with the youth?

[Warby Parker Ad]

I think it's like a, you know, who can handle it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Isn't it the toxic waste fairy?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Mechismo. No, Ollie can't do that. Ollie can't do spicy and he can't do toxic waste, but he can do out of date chicken.

[James Acaster]

Well, I like the sound of this dessert a lot. And it's like something you haven't had. You actually haven't had the actual fondant. Chocolate fondant with the Portuguese.

[Warby Parker Ad]

No, I haven't. They were really, really good, these truffles. Amazing.

[James Acaster]

So this will be a new experience for you. The fondant version of it. Heidi knocking around.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Massive Heidi. I think Peter the goat herd has been dead for a while.

[James Acaster]

Oh, he's dead now. He would have been alive if we'd had.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah. If we'd gone there when she first opened the restaurant.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Rip.

[James Acaster]

Oh, I paid Peter the goat herd, I guess. Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

But still his recipe for cheese remains.

[Ed Gamble]

You've got a recipe for cheese?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Good.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Goats cheese with ash.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Would you like some goats cheese and ash ice cream?

[Warby Parker Ad]

No.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Have you had cheese ice cream?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Have you?

[James Acaster]

Good.

[Warby Parker Ad]

What's that like?

[James Acaster]

Delicious.

[Warby Parker Ad]

So I obviously hear your adverts and I know how keen you are on cheese, the pair of you.

[James Acaster]

Well.

[Warby Parker Ad]

But are you keen.

[Ed Gamble]

Are we keen on cheese this month? This is what we're keen on. We're keen on whatever pays us the most money.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Well, quite right.

[James Acaster]

Well, we have our ethics. We have our. We were, you know, we don't answer anything.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

So toxic waste.

[James Acaster]

We're going to sponsor waste ad. We're doing toxic waste time.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. If toxic waste. Get in contact. We're cutting that story about me nearly crashing my car. Yeah, we'll cut that and then we'll rerecord it and say it helped me drive better.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Ed got to his destination.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. So much focus.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And I drove at the speed limit. It was fantastic. I love toxic waste.

[James Acaster]

I'll read your menu back to you now, Sally, see how you feel about it.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

You want fizzy cucumber water served in the skull of a Japanese water demon.

[Warby Parker Ad]

It was a strong start.

[Ed Gamble]

Great start.

[James Acaster]

You like Breads of the World? That's Peshwari naan. Mother's Pride. Swedish bread with citrus hot cross bun.

[Ed Gamble]

I find it so sad that in Breads of the World, the British representation is Mother's Pride.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Well, what should it be?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't know, but it's just funny to me that every. All the other breads are like these wonderful, artisan, delicious breads and then Mother's Pride.

[Warby Parker Ad]

But you could say Tiger Loaf.

[Ed Gamble]

Could say Tiger Loaf.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Could say Tiger Loaf. I mean, Tiger Loaf's appropriate In the skull of a Japanese water. Oh, no, that was the water, wasn't it?

[James Acaster]

That's the water, you know what I mean.

[Warby Parker Ad]

That said how the bread should be presented.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, yeah. How do you want them presented?

[Ed Gamble]

You said basket. You did say basket.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I did say basket. In a basket. Woven by you. By my enemies.

[Ed Gamble]

By your enemies.

[James Acaster]

Name some of the enemies.

[Warby Parker Ad]

I don't have any enemies, really, Nish. That I know of. No, I love Nish.

[James Acaster]

He was a rival.

[Warby Parker Ad]

He wasn't really a rival, was he? Because that was. What's so brilliant about Nish was he completely failed in every single task. Didn't get any points. Did he get any points the whole series? I mean, there was like six.

[James Acaster]

He did, but he didn't deserve any of them. Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

And it was so great because I only. I didn't know Nish and I only discovered afterwards that he was incredibly clever. It was this incredibly clever and quite political satirist.

[James Acaster]

But when he's identified he can't do something he will not. He will sabotage it as much as possible.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Oh, really?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

He was brilliant. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yes. Oh, yes. One of the all time great, awful taskmaster contestants. Your dream starter. Grilled lettuce with hay and edible flowers. Outdoors in the glade with the spider monkey on your shoulder playing the basketball.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Well, it's. It's grilled over a hay. Not grill, but sort of over a hay fire.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Warby Parker Ad]

So I'm not eating the hay.

[James Acaster]

Not sort of hay.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Confusing. I. Maybe I wasn't clear. Maybe.

[James Acaster]

No, no, no.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Not a horse.

[James Acaster]

You're not a horse.

[Ed Gamble]

Put that on the menu. Sally's not a horse.

[James Acaster]

Main course. You. You scratch the tagine.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And you would like a fire cooked. Fresh fish. Any fish. Doesn't matter. Powder on the beach.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Side dish. A bowl of toddler veg.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, that'll do.

[James Acaster]

Drink.

[Warby Parker Ad]

They won't be near the beach, but it's fine. They can.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. The Todd doesn't want to be near the beach.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

The. The drink you would like, was it a girly drink, you said?

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Big cocktail.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Bucket of girl cocktail in a bucket.

[Ed Gamble]

We're going with a bucket. Like a sort of Thailand full moon party.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Why not?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

A dessert. You want hot chocolate fondant with porcini mushrooms and wild strawberries at Heidi's Matterhorn.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Heidi's Matterhorn house.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

The Matterhorn house.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Big Heidi. Big old Heidi house.

[James Acaster]

See, if this was smacked the ponytails, you could have done that and gone. Let's do a catchphrase Big old Heidi house.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Big old Heidi's high house.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, the high house.

[Ed Gamble]

That would have been so much merch.

[Warby Parker Ad]

So much merch.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. So Heidi's got an apple sticker on her forehead.

[Warby Parker Ad]

She has. And she is the same shape as the Matterhorn.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Yeah, exactly the same shape with a massive apron.

[Ed Gamble]

That menu sounds absolutely delicious. And it's things, probably things that I've not had before.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I haven't had a lot of that. And look, I'm glad. I was hoping that it would get out of control, go all over the place.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant.

[Warby Parker Ad]

Telly much for having me.

[James Acaster]

Thank you. Sally Phillips.

[Ed Gamble]

There we are. What a. What a great episode with Sally.

[James Acaster]

A fantastic episode. That menu took us all over the place.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

To mountains, to beaches, to mushrooms. Mushrooms in the woods. Thank you so much, Sally, for coming on. And Sally's series Austin is on BBC One from Friday 4th April at 9.30pm with all episodes available on. And also thank you, Sally, for not saying pony and not putting pony on your menu.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, thank you.

[James Acaster]

So we didn't have to kick you out.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Even though I had loads of jokes lined up.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. What we going to do but horse meat scandal jokes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that from the horse meat scandal. It's a, you know, funny time.

[James Acaster]

Simply simpler times.

[Ed Gamble]

Simpler times.

[James Acaster]

Since then, you know, the news has been a lot darker than just that. We didn't know we were eating horse.

[Ed Gamble]

We thought that was dark then.

[James Acaster]

We thought that was pretty dark.

[Ed Gamble]

That's the biggest thing that happened, man.

[James Acaster]

There was. That's horse meat and stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

That was the biggest thing since World War II.

[James Acaster]

The horse meat scandal. Never forget, never forgive, never forget, never forgive. The. The people who did it, the supermarkets, the jockeys. The jockeys, the horse whisperers. Everyone who was involved in that bonito wants us to wrap it up. So, you know, for the list. No, you want to just carry on riffing on that. Bad luck. Benito said stop.

[Ed Gamble]

None of it's going to Caribbean.

[James Acaster]

Also, tickets are on sale today for off menu live at the Royal Albert Hall. We're doing tasting menus live where we get a fan favorite back and we give them the menu of a previous fan favorite. That's double fan favorites for you. So you get tickets now off podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

Co.uk thank you very much for listening. We'll see you next week.

[James Acaster]

Goodbye.

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[James Acaster]

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