Off Menu Podcast: Greg James

Release Date: October 1, 2025
Hosts: Ed Gamble & James Acaster
Guest: Greg James (BBC Radio 1 Breakfast Host, Author: "All the Best for the Future")
Producer/Genie: Benito
Theme: Stellar Dream Meal Choices and Joyful Nonsense with National Treasure-in-the-Making Greg James

Episode Overview

This episode welcomes broadcaster, author, and national treasure candidate Greg James into the dream restaurant. Ed and James traverse Greg’s formative influences (including the Chuckle Brothers), culinary quirks, the saga of the giant duck Longboy, and the emotional intricacies of growing up while staying young at heart. Amidst volleys of food chat and ridiculous anecdotes, Greg unveils his definitive dream meal—from the vital first tap water to a Parisian flan, with hearty detours through Italian indulgence and pop culture mayhem.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Greg’s Book & Staying True to Your 10-Year-Old Self (07:04–12:45)

Greg's book "All the Best for the Future" is rooted in a Chuckle Brothers autograph he received as a child—a phrase both odd and endearing, which Greg connects to the idea of growing up without losing childhood passions.
- Quote:
  
  "A reminder hopefully to stay true to your 10-year-old self because it's probably the stuff you loved when you were ten is probably the stuff you've kind of like now."
  — Greg James [09:30]
Discussion about the Chuckle Brothers’ family dynamics and how comedy icons set people on weird career paths.
On signing books: Balancing sincerity with signature fatigue—and the controversy of celebrity “dot” signatures, with Greg vowing to go above and beyond.
- Quote:
  
  "All the best for the future. 7th onwards, it's just G. Kiss."
  — Greg James [13:22]

Memorable Moment:

Greg reconciles with a Chuckle Brother after 30 years, finding out his unique autograph was truly one-of-a-kind.

2. Live Shows and Performer Rituals (14:14–17:56)

Riffing on Taylor Swift, Chris Martin, and Dolly Parton employing pre-programmed emotions at shows, and whether it feels authentic to crew and cynical observers.
- Quote:
  
  "If I was part of that crew, every time she cried every night, I would turn to someone and go, 'Fucking sociopath.'"
  — James Acaster [17:16]
The mechanics behind major stadium shows and the oddities of pop-star sincerity.

3. The Water Shame Debate (18:16–21:13)

Greg passionately defends ordering tap water at restaurants, lamenting the sense of inadequacy when forced to request it.
- Quote:
  
  "I do feel like there is a shame when they say still or sparkling. You say actually... tap is fine. But they make you feel like a third-class citizen."
  — Greg James [19:11]
Tales of inventive surcharges on "filtered tap" and the social awkwardness that ensues.

4. First Encounters & Rice Antics (21:18–25:13)

James recounts the strange tradition of gifting Greg rice at comedy gigs and radio shows, a running in-joke that Greg always forgets.
- Quote:
  
  "That was it. Really sexy. Didn't torture you? ...A bowl of rice. Well, thanks for the rice."
  — James Acaster & Greg James [23:00]

5. Poppadoms: The Joyous Start of the Meal (26:22–29:35)

Greg enthusiastically chooses poppadoms over bread, emphasizing the social thrill and “greatest hits” feeling at the start of a curry.
- Quote:
  
  "The poppadom section of a curry night is the happiest that you can be at dinner if you're going out."
  — Greg James [26:40]
Importance of the ritual: Carousel of dips, friends, argument about double-dipping.
Rankings of dips: Lime pickle comes out top for Greg.

6. Starter: Marmite Cheese on a Crumpet (39:17–43:53)

Greg admits his dream starter is humble: a grilled Marmite-and-cheese crumpet, crowned with proper salted French butter and a thick lash of Marmite.
- Quote:
  
  "When push comes to shove, I think my favorite food might be Marmite."
  — Greg James [39:38]
Strong opinions on Marmite culture, double-salt combos, and how the world divides into "lovers" and "haters" (with James deriding cliché Marmite opinions).

7. Main Course: Fettuccine Alfredo at Alfredo’s, Rome (46:45–53:36)

Greg’s fantasy: The original fettuccine Alfredo from a legendary Roman institution, complete with butter, cream, cheese, and a gold leaf option (for pure tourist joy).
- Quote:
  
  "A cheese-based life is a great life... that's how I like to live it."
  — Greg James [50:37]
He recalls an evening so joyful he sang “White Christmas” post-pasta, “burping through” the song.
Digression on the etymology of “arena” (Latin for sand).

8. Main-Side Hack: Pizza for the Table & Secret Steak (54:38–62:41)

Greg dreams of both pasta and pizza—rejecting the “one or the other” rule learned as a child. His pick: a classic pepperoni & (controversially) hot honey pizza, or a simple margherita.
Secret Steak: Greg (sometimes) eats steak in secret, as he lives with a mostly vegetarian partner—a confessional side dish to his meal.
- Quote:
  
  "I'm sort of vegetarian by marriage."
  — Greg James [58:24]

9. Drink: Big Beefy Italian Red (65:07–68:18)

Greg opts for a bountiful bottle of Brunello or Barolo—anything deep, Italian, and hearty—even if it leads straight to a night of Gaviscon recovery.
- Quote:
  
  "A big bottle of red wine... just make until I'm sick. It's Barolo, it's your Brunello's, it's your Barolos, it's your Montepulciano."
  — Greg James [65:07]
- Banter about wine taste, expensive preferences, and tales of giant glasses of mistaken sherry.

10. Dessert: Parisian Flan (77:32–80:01)

For dessert, a supermarket-style “flan Parisien”: wobbly, ultra-eggy, vanilla, with cheap pastry—an overlooked French classic.
- Quote:
  
  "It feels like it's been made by a machine but it's absolutely delicious... I could eat a whole slab."
  — Greg James [78:19]
Praises wife Bella for her multi-year pursuit to bake the perfect homemade flan.

11. The Legend of Longboy (81:28–83:58)

Greg and Ed finally address the saga of Longboy the duck—a beloved giant duck whose supposed fate intertwined with Ed’s appearance on “Great British Menu.”
- Quote (reading from his own book):
  
  "There was a strong rumor that [Ed] ate Longboy on an episode of the Great British Menu. He has never denied this and in fact fanned the flames of it by saying he'd like to eat Pudsey from Children in Need. ...He's a fucking monster and isn't to be trusted. That said, I do really like his podcast Off Menu."
  — Greg James [83:34]

Notable Quotes by Timestamp

[09:30] Greg on Childhood:
"A reminder hopefully to stay true to your 10-year-old self because it's probably the stuff you loved when you were ten that you've kind of like now."
[19:11] Greg on Water Shame:
"I do feel like there is a shame when they say still or sparkling. You say actually... tap is fine. But they make you feel like a third-class citizen."
[23:00] James & Greg on Rice:
"That was it. Really sexy. Didn't torture you? ...A bowl of rice. Well, thanks for the rice."
[26:40] Greg on Poppadoms:
"The poppadom section of a curry night is the happiest that you can be at dinner if you're going out."
[39:38] Greg on Marmite:
"When push comes to shove, I think my favorite food might be Marmite."
[50:37] Greg on Life Philosophy:
"A cheese-based life is a great life... that's how I like to live it."
[58:24] Greg on Secret Steak:
"I'm sort of vegetarian by marriage."
[65:07] Greg on Wine:
"A big bottle of red wine... just make until I'm sick. It's Barolo, it's your Brunello's, it's your Barolos, it's your Montepulciano."
[78:19] Greg on Flan:
"It feels like it's been made by a machine but it's absolutely delicious... I could eat a whole slab."
[83:34] Greg (from the book) on Ed and Longboy:
"There was a strong rumor that he ate Longboy on an episode of the Great British Menu. ...He’s a fucking monster and isn’t to be trusted. That said, I do really like his podcast Off Menu."

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |--------------------------------------------|:----------:| | Book chat & Chuckle Brothers origin story | 07:04–12:45| | On big gigs and performer rituals | 14:14–17:56| | Water shame & restaurant rituals | 18:16–21:13| | First meeting & rice gifting | 21:18–25:13| | Poppadoms and the art of dipping | 26:22–29:35| | Starter: Marmite cheese crumpet | 39:17–43:53| | Main: Fettuccine Alfredo, Alfredo’s, Rome | 46:45–53:36| | Mains/side: Table pizza & secret steak | 54:38–62:41| | Dream drink: Italian red wine | 65:07–68:18| | Dream dessert: Flan Parisien | 77:32–80:01| | Longboy saga read from Greg’s book | 81:28–83:58|

Menu: Greg James' Dream Meal

Water: Tap (with pride, no shame)
Poppadoms: For the "greatest hits" start; with classic dips—lime pickle, mango chutney, onion salad, raita.
Starter: Marmite & cheese on grilled crumpet (thick layer, proper French butter)
Main: Fettuccine Alfredo at Alfredo’s, Rome (with added tableside drama and—optionally—a useless gold leaf)
Side(s):
- Pizza for the Table (pepperoni + hot honey, possibly classic margherita too; ideally with friends/family)
- Secret Steak (tagliata-style, eaten on the sly for the joy of pure red meat, often with Cousin Guy)
Drink: Big bottle of Brunello or Barolo—it’s all about the hearty Italian reds (and probably a sneaky Gaviscon for survival)
Dessert: Flan Parisien (“supermarket style”; vanilla, ultra-eggy, slightly wobbly, cheap pastry)

Additional Highlights

Serial Rice Gifts: The “bowl of rice” prank follows Greg from comedy gigs to radio shows.
“Vegetarian by Marriage”: Navigating stealth omnivory in a mostly-veggie household.
Longboy: The saga of the world’s tallest duck, industrial-level mourning, and Ed’s (satirical) carnivorous villainy.
Bad Restaurant Jokes: Greg’s dad’s legendary pork belly pun (“That’s a bit rude”) and Bruce Forsyth’s hypothetical “Rice to meet you.”

Tone & Style

Signature Off Menu blend: Food obsession, heartfelt nostalgia, irreverent asides, silly running gags.
Greg brings enthusiastic radio energy, occasionally admits to being “professionally nice”, and gleefully loses himself in stories.
The hosts gently mock and prod, providing a playful, collaborative chaos that fits their “dream restaurant” conceit.
Several discussions spiral into absurdity (Chuckle Brothers-tax-based sitcoms; Ed’s apocryphal duck eating).

For New Listeners

If you’ve never tuned in to Off Menu, this episode showcases its best: a warm, daft interrogation into a comedy guest’s life and psyche, as told through food. You’ll learn:

Why Greg James is likely to be a "national treasure"
The sacredness of tap water
How poppadoms signal hope for the night ahead
How marmite is the edible line in British personality types
And never, ever trust Ed Gamble with your beloved ornamental duck

Ad segments and logistics (intros/outros) have been omitted; all timestamps refer to the main content.

Off Menu Podcast: Greg James

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Greg’s Book & Staying True to Your 10-Year-Old Self (07:04–12:45)

Greg's book "All the Best for the Future" is rooted in a Chuckle Brothers autograph he received as a child—a phrase both odd and endearing, which Greg connects to the idea of growing up without losing childhood passions.
- Quote:
  
  "A reminder hopefully to stay true to your 10-year-old self because it's probably the stuff you loved when you were ten is probably the stuff you've kind of like now."
  — Greg James [09:30]
Discussion about the Chuckle Brothers’ family dynamics and how comedy icons set people on weird career paths.
On signing books: Balancing sincerity with signature fatigue—and the controversy of celebrity “dot” signatures, with Greg vowing to go above and beyond.
- Quote:
  
  "All the best for the future. 7th onwards, it's just G. Kiss."
  — Greg James [13:22]

Memorable Moment:

Greg reconciles with a Chuckle Brother after 30 years, finding out his unique autograph was truly one-of-a-kind.

2. Live Shows and Performer Rituals (14:14–17:56)

Riffing on Taylor Swift, Chris Martin, and Dolly Parton employing pre-programmed emotions at shows, and whether it feels authentic to crew and cynical observers.
- Quote:
  
  "If I was part of that crew, every time she cried every night, I would turn to someone and go, 'Fucking sociopath.'"
  — James Acaster [17:16]
The mechanics behind major stadium shows and the oddities of pop-star sincerity.

3. The Water Shame Debate (18:16–21:13)

Greg passionately defends ordering tap water at restaurants, lamenting the sense of inadequacy when forced to request it.
- Quote:
  
  "I do feel like there is a shame when they say still or sparkling. You say actually... tap is fine. But they make you feel like a third-class citizen."
  — Greg James [19:11]
Tales of inventive surcharges on "filtered tap" and the social awkwardness that ensues.

4. First Encounters & Rice Antics (21:18–25:13)

James recounts the strange tradition of gifting Greg rice at comedy gigs and radio shows, a running in-joke that Greg always forgets.
- Quote:
  
  "That was it. Really sexy. Didn't torture you? ...A bowl of rice. Well, thanks for the rice."
  — James Acaster & Greg James [23:00]

5. Poppadoms: The Joyous Start of the Meal (26:22–29:35)

Greg enthusiastically chooses poppadoms over bread, emphasizing the social thrill and “greatest hits” feeling at the start of a curry.
- Quote:
  
  "The poppadom section of a curry night is the happiest that you can be at dinner if you're going out."
  — Greg James [26:40]
Importance of the ritual: Carousel of dips, friends, argument about double-dipping.
Rankings of dips: Lime pickle comes out top for Greg.

6. Starter: Marmite Cheese on a Crumpet (39:17–43:53)

Greg admits his dream starter is humble: a grilled Marmite-and-cheese crumpet, crowned with proper salted French butter and a thick lash of Marmite.
- Quote:
  
  "When push comes to shove, I think my favorite food might be Marmite."
  — Greg James [39:38]
Strong opinions on Marmite culture, double-salt combos, and how the world divides into "lovers" and "haters" (with James deriding cliché Marmite opinions).

7. Main Course: Fettuccine Alfredo at Alfredo’s, Rome (46:45–53:36)

Greg’s fantasy: The original fettuccine Alfredo from a legendary Roman institution, complete with butter, cream, cheese, and a gold leaf option (for pure tourist joy).
- Quote:
  
  "A cheese-based life is a great life... that's how I like to live it."
  — Greg James [50:37]
He recalls an evening so joyful he sang “White Christmas” post-pasta, “burping through” the song.
Digression on the etymology of “arena” (Latin for sand).

8. Main-Side Hack: Pizza for the Table & Secret Steak (54:38–62:41)

Greg dreams of both pasta and pizza—rejecting the “one or the other” rule learned as a child. His pick: a classic pepperoni & (controversially) hot honey pizza, or a simple margherita.
Secret Steak: Greg (sometimes) eats steak in secret, as he lives with a mostly vegetarian partner—a confessional side dish to his meal.
- Quote:
  
  "I'm sort of vegetarian by marriage."
  — Greg James [58:24]

9. Drink: Big Beefy Italian Red (65:07–68:18)

Greg opts for a bountiful bottle of Brunello or Barolo—anything deep, Italian, and hearty—even if it leads straight to a night of Gaviscon recovery.
- Quote:
  
  "A big bottle of red wine... just make until I'm sick. It's Barolo, it's your Brunello's, it's your Barolos, it's your Montepulciano."
  — Greg James [65:07]
- Banter about wine taste, expensive preferences, and tales of giant glasses of mistaken sherry.

10. Dessert: Parisian Flan (77:32–80:01)

For dessert, a supermarket-style “flan Parisien”: wobbly, ultra-eggy, vanilla, with cheap pastry—an overlooked French classic.
- Quote:
  
  "It feels like it's been made by a machine but it's absolutely delicious... I could eat a whole slab."
  — Greg James [78:19]
Praises wife Bella for her multi-year pursuit to bake the perfect homemade flan.

11. The Legend of Longboy (81:28–83:58)

Greg and Ed finally address the saga of Longboy the duck—a beloved giant duck whose supposed fate intertwined with Ed’s appearance on “Great British Menu.”
- Quote (reading from his own book):
  
  "There was a strong rumor that [Ed] ate Longboy on an episode of the Great British Menu. He has never denied this and in fact fanned the flames of it by saying he'd like to eat Pudsey from Children in Need. ...He's a fucking monster and isn't to be trusted. That said, I do really like his podcast Off Menu."
  — Greg James [83:34]

Notable Quotes by Timestamp

[09:30] Greg on Childhood:
"A reminder hopefully to stay true to your 10-year-old self because it's probably the stuff you loved when you were ten that you've kind of like now."
[19:11] Greg on Water Shame:
"I do feel like there is a shame when they say still or sparkling. You say actually... tap is fine. But they make you feel like a third-class citizen."
[23:00] James & Greg on Rice:
"That was it. Really sexy. Didn't torture you? ...A bowl of rice. Well, thanks for the rice."
[26:40] Greg on Poppadoms:
"The poppadom section of a curry night is the happiest that you can be at dinner if you're going out."
[39:38] Greg on Marmite:
"When push comes to shove, I think my favorite food might be Marmite."
[50:37] Greg on Life Philosophy:
"A cheese-based life is a great life... that's how I like to live it."
[58:24] Greg on Secret Steak:
"I'm sort of vegetarian by marriage."
[65:07] Greg on Wine:
"A big bottle of red wine... just make until I'm sick. It's Barolo, it's your Brunello's, it's your Barolos, it's your Montepulciano."
[78:19] Greg on Flan:
"It feels like it's been made by a machine but it's absolutely delicious... I could eat a whole slab."
[83:34] Greg (from the book) on Ed and Longboy:
"There was a strong rumor that he ate Longboy on an episode of the Great British Menu. ...He’s a fucking monster and isn’t to be trusted. That said, I do really like his podcast Off Menu."

Timestamps for Key Segments

Menu: Greg James' Dream Meal

Water: Tap (with pride, no shame)
Poppadoms: For the "greatest hits" start; with classic dips—lime pickle, mango chutney, onion salad, raita.
Starter: Marmite & cheese on grilled crumpet (thick layer, proper French butter)
Main: Fettuccine Alfredo at Alfredo’s, Rome (with added tableside drama and—optionally—a useless gold leaf)
Side(s):
- Pizza for the Table (pepperoni + hot honey, possibly classic margherita too; ideally with friends/family)
- Secret Steak (tagliata-style, eaten on the sly for the joy of pure red meat, often with Cousin Guy)
Drink: Big bottle of Brunello or Barolo—it’s all about the hearty Italian reds (and probably a sneaky Gaviscon for survival)
Dessert: Flan Parisien (“supermarket style”; vanilla, ultra-eggy, slightly wobbly, cheap pastry)

Additional Highlights

Serial Rice Gifts: The “bowl of rice” prank follows Greg from comedy gigs to radio shows.
“Vegetarian by Marriage”: Navigating stealth omnivory in a mostly-veggie household.
Longboy: The saga of the world’s tallest duck, industrial-level mourning, and Ed’s (satirical) carnivorous villainy.
Bad Restaurant Jokes: Greg’s dad’s legendary pork belly pun (“That’s a bit rude”) and Bruce Forsyth’s hypothetical “Rice to meet you.”

Tone & Style

Signature Off Menu blend: Food obsession, heartfelt nostalgia, irreverent asides, silly running gags.
Greg brings enthusiastic radio energy, occasionally admits to being “professionally nice”, and gleefully loses himself in stories.
The hosts gently mock and prod, providing a playful, collaborative chaos that fits their “dream restaurant” conceit.
Several discussions spiral into absurdity (Chuckle Brothers-tax-based sitcoms; Ed’s apocryphal duck eating).

For New Listeners

If you’ve never tuned in to Off Menu, this episode showcases its best: a warm, daft interrogation into a comedy guest’s life and psyche, as told through food. You’ll learn:

Why Greg James is likely to be a "national treasure"
The sacredness of tap water
How poppadoms signal hope for the night ahead
How marmite is the edible line in British personality types
And never, ever trust Ed Gamble with your beloved ornamental duck

Ad segments and logistics (intros/outros) have been omitted; all timestamps refer to the main content.

Greg James

Powered by Wave AI

Summary

Off Menu Podcast: Greg James

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Greg’s Book & Staying True to Your 10-Year-Old Self (07:04–12:45)

Memorable Moment:

2. Live Shows and Performer Rituals (14:14–17:56)

3. The Water Shame Debate (18:16–21:13)

4. First Encounters & Rice Antics (21:18–25:13)

5. Poppadoms: The Joyous Start of the Meal (26:22–29:35)

6. Starter: Marmite Cheese on a Crumpet (39:17–43:53)

7. Main Course: Fettuccine Alfredo at Alfredo’s, Rome (46:45–53:36)

8. Main-Side Hack: Pizza for the Table & Secret Steak (54:38–62:41)

9. Drink: Big Beefy Italian Red (65:07–68:18)

10. Dessert: Parisian Flan (77:32–80:01)

11. The Legend of Longboy (81:28–83:58)

Notable Quotes by Timestamp

Timestamps for Key Segments

Menu: Greg James' Dream Meal

Additional Highlights

Tone & Style

For New Listeners

Summary

Off Menu Podcast: Greg James

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Greg’s Book & Staying True to Your 10-Year-Old Self (07:04–12:45)

Memorable Moment:

2. Live Shows and Performer Rituals (14:14–17:56)

3. The Water Shame Debate (18:16–21:13)

4. First Encounters & Rice Antics (21:18–25:13)

5. Poppadoms: The Joyous Start of the Meal (26:22–29:35)

6. Starter: Marmite Cheese on a Crumpet (39:17–43:53)

7. Main Course: Fettuccine Alfredo at Alfredo’s, Rome (46:45–53:36)

8. Main-Side Hack: Pizza for the Table & Secret Steak (54:38–62:41)

9. Drink: Big Beefy Italian Red (65:07–68:18)

10. Dessert: Parisian Flan (77:32–80:01)

11. The Legend of Longboy (81:28–83:58)

Notable Quotes by Timestamp

Timestamps for Key Segments

Menu: Greg James' Dream Meal

Additional Highlights

Tone & Style

For New Listeners