Neil Hannon (The Divine Comedy)

Summary

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Guest: Neil Hannon (The Divine Comedy)

Release Date: September 3, 2025
Main Theme: Neil Hannon enters Ed and James’ “dream restaurant” to select his ideal meal, revealing nostalgia, humour, and unexpected Christmas vibes—all while discussing teeth woes, musical influence, and the search for the perfect orange.

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Episode Overview

This episode of Off Menu sees musical legend Neil Hannon (The Divine Comedy) join comedians Ed Gamble and James Acaster to design his fantasy feast. Throughout, Neil’s wry self-awareness and deep sense of nostalgia infuse the conversation, leading to musings about food, family, music, and the perils of terrible teeth. With both hosts on playful form—and plenty of diversions into National Express memories, childhood bread tricks, and the politics of side dishes—the episode is as cozy and offbeat as a Divine Comedy song itself.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Guest Introduction & Divine Comedy Context

• Neil Hannon: Lauded for his inventive pop and cult favourite band The Divine Comedy, Neil is on to plug his new album Rainy Sunday Afternoon and tour (starts October 2025).
  • “[Divine Comedy] going all over the place… Barbican, Philharmonic Hall, Royal Concert Hall…” (04:09)
• Hosts’ Admiration: Ed and James are open fanboys, reminiscing about seeing Neil live and National Express earworms.

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2. Secret Ingredient: “Crisps and Tea”

• This week’s “off menu” booby trap is a nod to National Express lyrics: if Neil orders both “crisps and tea,” he’s ejected.
• Gentle banter about rule lawyering:
  “If he says crisps, and then later tea… you’re out.” (05:37)

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3. On Fame, Teeth, and Food Relationships

• Neil’s Difficult Relationship with Food:
  • Cites “awful teeth” as making food hard to enjoy in recent decades.
  • “I have liked food more in the past when I found it easier to eat. Now, Angel Delight would be perfect.” (11:06)
• Childhood:
  • Grew up in a Northern Irish rector’s family (“rectory, not rectum!”), with early food memories involving playing with plain white bread from the local Milanda Bakery.
    • “All we had to play with was bread.” (23:39)

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4. Music Industry and Artistic Evolution

• Making Albums at 50+:
  • “I feel good that I have made a bloody good album at this great age… it’s like the 13th one I’ve made…” (13:04)
  • Less pressure to be “pop”; more focus on quality and following his own interests.
• Fan Generations:
  • Observes that younger audiences are now often children of his original fans. “It’s like a monarchy now… they have a divine right.” (14:26)

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5. Hilarious Riffing & Recurring Jokes

• Andre 3000 and Ageing in Music:
  • Neil and hosts debate whether older artists should keep rapping, leading to riffs about middle-aged rap lyrics (“decision-making around where their kids are gonna go to college…” (17:21)).
• Man Bites Dog/Scary Films:
  • Tangent about scary movies and how their wives cope (or don’t). Neil: “My wife loves scary films, except she hates them.” (21:29)

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The Dream Menu: Neil Hannon’s Picks

[00:00-03:00] Still or Sparkling Water

• Choice: Still
  • “I’m not a sparkling personality… I run deep inside there.” (17:44)
  • Preference for Northern Irish tap water; London water is “chunky—bits in it like orange juice.” (19:19)

[23:14-26:00] Bread or Poppadoms

• Choice: White bread from Milanda Bakery, Derry/Londonderry
  • Served as in childhood: crustless, squished, played with alongside his brothers.
  • “My mum… just throws slices of white bread at us, you know, to get us away.” (23:14)
• Butter: Flora plant-based salted

[31:59-34:30] Starter

• Choice: The perfect orange—with a glass of sherry
  • Detailed (and poetic) requirements: easy peel, firm but juicy, not too sweet, minimal pith, and “satisfaction of peeling it perfectly.”
  • “The pith is like the negligee of the orange.” (34:40)
  • Drink: Harvey’s or Croft’s “A Winter’s Tale” sherry (36:00)

[39:52-42:15] Main Course

• Choice: “Christmas dinner” vegetarian version
  • “I was just trying to think, be honest about the time when I’m eating, when I’m at my happiest, and that’s during Christmas dinner…” (39:57)
  • Huge oval serving dish, focus on roasties, loads of vegetables (Brussels sprouts, parsnips, carrots), a Quorn roast “or, if possible, a massive lab-grown steak.” (41:20)

[47:03-49:33] Condiments

• Cranberry sauce, horseradish, mint sauce, bread sauce, English and Dijon mustard, Ballymaloo relish (“sort of like Branston, but sweeter…very good in sandwiches.” (47:24))
• Anecdote: Spectacularly failed at making bread sauce for the family, “saved” the sauce down the sink by accident. (47:52)

[49:36-50:09] Side Dish

• Wilted spinach with butter and garlic

[50:29-54:44] Drink

• “The finest wine known to humanity” – an £800 red, gifted by Neil Tennant at a fancy dinner.
  • “He said, ‘What sort of wine do you like?’ And I didn’t know. ‘I’ll get this one.’ And it was the greatest thing I’ve ever tasted in my life…” (50:37–51:51)
  • Wants Tennant (the Pet Shop Boys’ frontman) present and paying.

[56:22-59:41] Dessert

• Poached pears in wine, brown sugar, and cinnamon, with vanilla ice cream (gentle on his teeth).
  • Genie-made “dentures/turkey teeth” requested for enjoyment.
  • “So it’s poached pears…that I can eat with no pain.” (59:55)

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Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes

Neil’s Incorrigible Honesty

• “I just don’t have strong feelings about food. This is great. Why am I here?” (18:05)
• On his food nostalgia: “I think that’s all I’m really ever looking for is nativity.” (58:46)
• On bands aging: “Just concentrate on quality. Doing the things you want to do—and doing them really quite well.” (13:18)

Trademark Banter

• [On playing with bread]
  “That would be nice…If my brothers were here as well…Fighting over bread in your 50s.” (24:15)

• [On rapping about middle-age] “Simply because they might be talking about things that meant something to me.” (17:11)

• [On breaking bad food habits] “I have a difficult relationship [with food]. Not because I want to eat it all…it’s just its route in to me past my awful teeth.” (10:25)

• [On culinary anxiety] “I never tried to cook again. I just, I learned my lesson. I’m so bad. Like, I can do a boiled egg…” (48:49)

• [On the National Express legacy] “People will usually say, ‘I was on that National Express the other day.’ Oh really? How was it?” (08:16)

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Animal Rescue & Personal Life

Neil’s animal-filled home:

• 4 dogs, 2 turkeys, “endless piggies,” sheep, donkeys, ponies; ~170 animals at home (“Around us. Around the house. In our fields.” (57:46))
• Charity: My Lovely Horse Rescue (“…kept going by the wonderful donations of the Irish public.” (58:28))

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Additional Highlights (with Timestamps)

• 13:04 – Insight on artistic independence with age
• 23:14 – Bread nostalgia and Derry memories
• 36:00 – Sherry preferences: “sweet, nutty—no dry fino”
• 41:19 – “A massive lab-grown steak” for a guilt-free Christmas
• 47:52 – Bread sauce disaster story
• 50:37 – Neil Tennant’s £800 wine
• 56:30 – Toast to “poached pears and genie dentures”
• 58:16–58:38 – Shoutout for My Lovely Horse Rescue

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Final Menu Recap (64:33)

• Still water (Northern Ireland)
• White bread (Milanda Bakery, with plant-based salted butter, thrown by mum)
• The perfect orange (with a glass of sherry)
• Main: Vegetarian Christmas dinner—biggest plate possible, with roasties, vegetables, all condiments, and a sci-fi lab-grown steak if possible
• Side: Wilted spinach with garlic and butter
• Drink: Neil Tennant’s legendary, expensive red wine (with Tennant present)
• Dessert: Poached pears in wine, brown sugar, cinnamon, vanilla ice cream, and magic genie teeth

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Tone and Atmosphere

• Warm, playful, self-effacing—Neil’s humility and the hosts’ quick wit make for a friendly, silly, and slightly surreal atmosphere
• Tangents abound, from pop star anxieties to bread-related physical comedy, via pet rescues and failing kitchen attempts

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For Further Listening/Support

• Rainy Sunday Afternoon – New Divine Comedy album out September 19th
• Divine Comedy tour: October 2025, details at thedivinecomedy.com
• Animal rescue: Support My Lovely Horse Rescue
• Support Palestinian aid: allourrelations.co.uk

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“If anyone can [find the perfect orange], Kathy can.”
— Neil Hannon (65:52)

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No crisps and tea were combined in the making of this episode—Neil stays in the dream restaurant!

Transcript

[Ed Gamble]

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

[James Acaster]

Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu podcast and before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a nonprofit co founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister and Georgia Takax.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects including two seven day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes as well feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day. They've created an absolutely amazing thing and we feel like, you know, it's the Off Menu podcast. We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time. And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food. James.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely. So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk, or look at the links in Jen Brist's bio on Instagram. Every penny raised goes to Supporting People in Gaza.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

[Neil Hannon]

Did I talk too much? Can't I just let it go? Wish I would stop. Thank you so much.

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[James Acaster]

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[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast. Taking the ravioli conversation and boiling it in the water of humor, then grating over the Parmesan of friendship and black. Black pepper.

[James Acaster]

That's interest. That was an interesting one, I thought. Always gone for a very short one. And then you obviously thought in your head, no, that's too short. So you added the Parmesan.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I know. I didn't think it was too short because I do like to do a short one now and again because it makes me laugh. But then I thought I wouldn't just have plain ravioli. And I've got to be honest to my audience. And that's where all the best comedy comes from, isn't it? From honesty.

[James Acaster]

That is Ed Gamble. He's an honest man. My name is James Acaster, a liar, and this is the Off Menu Podcast. Together we own a dream restaurant. And every single week we invite in a guest and ask them their favorite ever start a main course, dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week our guest is Neil Hannon.

[Ed Gamble]

Neil Hannon, a musical legend. James the Divine Comedy, an absolute musical legend.

[James Acaster]

Very, very excited having Neil Hannon on, especially because the Divine Comedy have a new album out. Rainy Sunday afternoon out on the 19th of September.

[Ed Gamble]

Very excited to meet Neil. I've seen the Divine Comedy live. He's a very productive, inventive musician.

[James Acaster]

Also, the Divine Comedy are going on tour October 2025. That's this year.

[Ed Gamble]

That's this year. Of course, they're going all over the place. They're playing some cool venues, doing a couple of shows at the Barbican. They're doing the Philharmonic hall in Liverpool, Royal Concert hall in Nottingham. Go to thedivinecomedy.com and you can get all the info for that tour.

[James Acaster]

But listen, we love Neil Hannon. We love the Divine Comedy. However, if Neil does pick the secret ingredient, a good ingredient which we have deemed to be unacceptable, we will have to kick him out of the dream restaurant. And this week, the secret ingredient is crisps and tea.

[Ed Gamble]

That's from a lyric in National Express.

[James Acaster]

Yes. Where the hostess sells crisps and tea.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

And her art is the size of a small country. I remember that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's a good song.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah, it's a great song.

[Ed Gamble]

Quite a broad secret ingredient, I would say. It's two secret ingredients and it's things that people really like.

[James Acaster]

Yes. Now, do we make it that if Neil asks for them together, crisps and tea, we kick him out? Or is it if he says crisps, do we have to wait for tea to come up? Cause it definitely has to come Up.

[Ed Gamble]

And I know what you'll do if he says crisps, you'll be like, do you want a drink with that? Because I know what you're like.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you do know what I like.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, you're cheeky.

[James Acaster]

And listen, it's me being honest. I will do that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Comedically. So, like. Yeah, but like, I think if Neil says crisps or tea, that's fine on its own. If later on in the podcast, he then chooses the other one. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, okay.

[James Acaster]

So if he says crisps and then later on he says tea, well, but that's Christian tea. You're out.

[Ed Gamble]

Out.

[James Acaster]

So it'll be quite a tense episode.

[Ed Gamble]

What if he chooses tea and then crisps?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's still out.

[Ed Gamble]

Crisps and tea, though, is the tea and crisps. I just don't want to kick him out.

[James Acaster]

I think we'll cross that bridge when we come to it because I'll be.

[Ed Gamble]

Honest, my wife's a massive fan and if we kick Neilhand out the dream restaurant, she might leave me.

[James Acaster]

You'll be in the doghouse.

[Ed Gamble]

I'll be the doghouse, mate.

[James Acaster]

I think we've got to cross that bridge when we come to it. If it's tea and crisps, I think we make the case for it. I know. I'm going to try and kick him out. I get the sense you're not.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Benito might be the deciding vote.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

He's shaking his head. He's not going to do it.

[Ed Gamble]

Benito being the dog ass as well.

[James Acaster]

Because it's Toast.

[Ed Gamble]

Loves him.

[James Acaster]

Toast. Toast loves to find comedy. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

In fact, no, that's. If you annoy Toast, you don't go in the doghouse, do you? That's if that's a privilege.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. If it's welcoming you in. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm in the doghouse with Toast. He loves me at the moment.

[James Acaster]

He loves me. Can't get enough of me. Gets invited me over. Well, let's see what happens.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, let's just see what happens. This is the off menu menu of Neil Hannon. Welcome, Neil, to the dream restaurant.

[Neil Hannon]

Oh, thank you so much for having me.

[James Acaster]

Welcome, Neil. Had a ton of dream restaurant, but it's been here for some time.

[Neil Hannon]

Oh, fantastic. This is a joy.

[James Acaster]

Nice to see you, Neil.

[Neil Hannon]

Nice to see you too, James. And thank you very much, Ed. And thank you very much for having. Having me. And wow.

[Ed Gamble]

Is that a wow at the shock and awe of seeing a genie for the first time or.

[Neil Hannon]

Well, that is it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

And the genie thing, I mean, that's cool. That, that takes a lot of pressure off because I can ask for really stupid stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah. But I, I just love the idea. I, I am envisaging you as a genie.

[James Acaster]

Thank you.

[Neil Hannon]

I, I hope that's okay. You have very baggy pants.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, very baggy. Like crisscross.

[Ed Gamble]

Like crisscross but not backwards.

[Neil Hannon]

Yes. Or like you can't touch this person.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Neil Hannon]

And you couldn't touch them.

[James Acaster]

No. You would never be able to touch them. I imagine if even if you were a musician on the same bill as him, it'd be very hard to resist not trying to touch him because he's kind of, oh, I can touch this. That's his fault.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. Oh what you think because he's saying you can't touch this then that invites touching?

[James Acaster]

Because yeah. Because you can then say forever. I touched him.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I did touch him.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I did touch him. Is there something that like people because of one of your songs will like always do or bring up to you? That is the thing you've heard the most?

[Neil Hannon]

Well, they'll usually say, I was on that National Express the other day.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Oh really? Oh good. How was it?

[Ed Gamble]

It's not just because you're a nice polite man. Do you always follow up with the conversation or.

[Neil Hannon]

Yes, yeah, I am fantastically polite. I was just brought up well. And you know, no matter how dumb your question to me, I'm gonna be nice to you.

[Ed Gamble]

Well good, that promises a lot then for this.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's a few dumb questions on this actually. Is it nice to know that sometimes when people go on the National Express they do just have your song in their head the whole time. I went on a 12 hour National Express trip once and it was the whole time in my head really just ba ba ba. First time I ever went to the Edinburgh Festival it was last minute decision. It was a 12 hour National Express and it was all that was going on in my head the whole time.

[Neil Hannon]

That's fantastic. Well, I am very chuffed that you should have my song. No matter how annoyed you were by the end of the trip.

[James Acaster]

It was horrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

I don't know why people don't do that more often, you know, in their careers. You know, just choose a random kind of venerable national institution and write a song about it. I mean, I didn't mean for it to happen, but it was great. Woohoo.

[James Acaster]

Would you deliberately do one if there's a national institution, you know, that you.

[Neil Hannon]

Can do it again?

[James Acaster]

Get onto it.

[Neil Hannon]

Greedy. No, I've done My national institution, you know.

[Ed Gamble]

Are you not tempted to maybe go even more upmarket? Maybe go like write a song called First Class Emirates or something?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Just in case they give me a freebie.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

I can't see how it would sort of really scan in a. In a line.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think it matters. I think they'd be happy regardless. I think you just do the same song, rerelease it like Candle in the Wind and change it to First Class Emirates.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I'm trying to think of anything that rhymes of Emirates, though.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's hard.

[Neil Hannon]

I'm usually pretty good at this, but, you know, conglomerates is the nearest I can get.

[James Acaster]

There you go. First Class Emirates. Big ass conglomerates. Do you love food?

[Neil Hannon]

Sorry? Now I'm just trying to find rhymes.

[Ed Gamble]

I see the cogswearing food and I.

[Neil Hannon]

Have a difficult relationship. Not because I want to eat it all or anything, it's because it's root into me past my awful teeth. And you'll notice the last 20 years of photographs of me, I smile like.

[Ed Gamble]

I always just thought you were very saucy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Saucy man. Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

I can see where the confusion has arisen. But I. I have liked food more in the past when I found it easier to eat now. Sort of Angel Delight would be perfect.

[Ed Gamble]

So your teeth, by the way, I never thought that you have awful teeth.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

And you came in and there's. No, there's. I did not see any awful.

[Neil Hannon]

I mean, it's all my own fault. I have. I was terrible to them as a kid, you know, Ate lots of absolute rubbish and was very, very remiss in my brushing. And as time went on, it didn't get much better and they started sort of collapsing like imploding like a black hole. And I just find myself swallowing bits of tooth. This is lovely.

[James Acaster]

Is this why you turned down the ice cream donuts this morning?

[Neil Hannon]

It was partly that, I must admit. I thought, oh, I can. I can see pain on the horizon.

[James Acaster]

If I eat the ice cream donuts.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. We should say it's quite. I mean, fairly early in the morning currently.

[James Acaster]

Quarter past ten in the morning.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. And Megan, who works at Plyce, have turned up at the door with a huge freezer bag full of ice cream donuts and ice cream and things from crosstown.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm assuming they were sent to us, Ben, rather than. Meghan's gone mad.

[James Acaster]

She didn't stick up.

[Neil Hannon]

Ben, you almost talked.

[James Acaster]

You almost talked there. But we offered that the first thing we offered. Neil. Neil arrived and we said, would you like an ice cream donut? And you said, it's a little bit early.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Which is polite. Yeah, very polite.

[James Acaster]

Let's talk about the new album, Rainy Sunday Afternoon. Very exciting. Also, we got to talk about this bonus disc.

[Neil Hannon]

There was a bit of a mix up, apparently, and you got sent the super extra bonus album from the Best of Yes. Which is not what I am trying to promote at all, although it's quite good.

[James Acaster]

Oh, it was great. I didn't listen to it this morning.

[Neil Hannon]

I was like, mental.

[Ed Gamble]

We can double. We can double promote. That is also. That is also available to listen to. But the new album is Rainy Sunday Afternoon.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Out on September 19th.

[Neil Hannon]

I've made another album.

[James Acaster]

Now. How do you feel about that?

[Neil Hannon]

I feel good that I have made a bloody good album at this great age and, like the 13th one I've made. So that makes me happy. But, you know, when am I going to stop? When's this going to end? It's ridiculous.

[Ed Gamble]

That is incredible, though. 13 albums. Like, does the. Is the process easier now it's that many, or is it back to. Back to square one every single time?

[Neil Hannon]

I think it's a little easier because I. I'm better at it. I know what I want more and I'm. I know how to get it. And also because I care less about what people think of what I do, Obviously in the 90s, I really wanted to be a pop star, and somehow I managed. It was crazy. Not a very big one, but, you know, medium pop star. And I tried to keep a hold of that for a while until finally you realize the kids don't care, you know, and why should they? I wouldn't have cared about me as I got older. So you just kind of concentrate on quality, you know, and doing the things you want to do and doing them really quite well.

[James Acaster]

And do you get. Is there a lot of the fans on tour, are they like, from that original, like, you know, 90s wave of fans, or do I bring in younger people with them as well?

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah, there's a nice mix.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

I mean, the kids in the audience are usually the offspring of the original fans.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

So, yes, it's. It's like a. Like a monarchy now. You know, they have a divine right. Oh, nice. Didn't even see that coming. Yeah. But I noticed, you know, our audiences kind of thinned out a little in the 2000s, and I didn't quite know what I was doing wrong. And then suddenly everybody came for, like 2010, you know, through to 2015. They were all back and they said we couldn't get babysitters for 10 years.

[James Acaster]

Well, when you're writing songs now is like, do you feel like you're a different person to, you know, when you started, you know, writing and we started doing music, are you thinking about them completely differently lyrically?

[Neil Hannon]

No, I. I'm trying to just like be myself and be honest and you know, it's always served me well in the past. You know, I was very much myself in the early days. And to my astonishment, people kind of enjoyed the obscure things that I did. Maybe just cause they had good tunes. I don't know. Now, you know, I'm in my 50s and I've gotta face that fact and just, you know, write songs about my crumbling teeth, et cetera.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. So the huge. I mean, at the minute you're probably aware of this, but like this ongoing debate in rap music about. Cause Andre 3000 has said he's not going to rap because, you know, he's 50 or whatever.

[Ed Gamble]

I thought you were going to say it's about teeth.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

There's an ongoing debate in rap music.

[James Acaster]

About what kind of grills that they should wear. But like. Yeah, he's just like, no one wants to hear some of my age rap. But then also all the biggest rap albums of this year have been from people his age or around that and people.

[Neil Hannon]

I'm not really an aficionado of the rap, but I liked a lot of Outkast stuff.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Just because it was. It sort of skirted boundaries, you know.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

I wasn't too keen on his.

[James Acaster]

What.

[Neil Hannon]

What would you call it, like. Yeah. Psychedelic album.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. The kind of.

[Neil Hannon]

I. I worked my way through it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

I have not listened to it since.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. That's. You know, I think a lot of people. That was. That was the case and some people were pleasantly surprised by it. But I think what he's got to realize is he is such a good rapper that people will sit for a flute album out of respect because it's something from him.

[Neil Hannon]

So it's like people through that really. I would like to hear. I'd actually be much more interested in sort of an older person rapping.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

You know, simply because they might be talking about things that meant something to me.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

What sort of things would you like to hear someone rapping about the decision.

[Neil Hannon]

Making around where their kids are gonna go to college.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, we always start with still a sparkling water. Neil, do you have a preference?

[Neil Hannon]

Whatever you guys want, really. I mean that. You see, this is.

[Ed Gamble]

We don't do that here, Neil. You've gotta.

[James Acaster]

You'll take what you can get.

[Neil Hannon]

That's excellent.

[James Acaster]

Wrong album, but excellent bonus album.

[Ed Gamble]

That's the bonus.

[James Acaster]

The bonus album is what's got to promote.

[Ed Gamble]

We've done all the research on the bonus album here, Neil.

[Neil Hannon]

Oh, that's pret. Brilliant. Well, I guess still, you know, I'm not a sparkling personality. I. And I run deep inside there.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

So still is what. What I've got in front of me and that's what I want.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Neil Hannon]

I just don't have strong feelings about food. This is great. Why am I here?

[James Acaster]

We've had people come on who I suspect don't eat at all.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. We've had actors come on and try and, you know, you can tell they've researched. What do people eat before coming on here? Well, I'll tell you. We had an actor called Phil Dunster on who's in Ted Lasso, and he got given his dream meal recently by his friends on his stag do. And there's a photo of him eating the meal that he talked about on. Off menu. And he looks absolutely miserable. And I was like, I don't think Phil really said what he would like to eat.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah, okay.

[James Acaster]

I think Phil said a menu which is maybe nostalgic for him and makes it more. Makes it more relatable to the listener, but actually he doesn't want to eat all these carbs.

[Neil Hannon]

Well, you know, like with the songs, I'm going to be brutally honest.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Great.

[Neil Hannon]

So still water.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Okay. And you don't want anything in that water that is still. That is. I mean, is it good tap water where you grew up?

[Neil Hannon]

Oh, yeah. In Northern Ireland, we had nice tap water.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Not like your London stuff.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. It's got chunks in it.

[Ed Gamble]

Bits. It's bits like orange juice.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Some places do not. Huh.

[Ed Gamble]

You do get that sometimes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But I wonder whether that's just from like dirty taps or whatever. Little white bits floating around.

[James Acaster]

My. My. One of my neighbors drank a boba tea for the first time the other day in the courtyard of where we live. What?

[Ed Gamble]

Just went out in the courtyard to drink it.

[James Acaster]

They were there. Anyway, it was sunny day. We're all out there and so. And a kid came up to him and said, try this, dad.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

What is this bite of tea? He had a big old glug of it. He hated it and spat all the balls into a planter. All those little tapioca balls.

[Neil Hannon]

I don't understand what that stuff is about. My daughter gave me one of those. And it would have been the same reaction had I not been in the shop at the time.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. You couldn't spit them back down the straw.

[Ed Gamble]

It is weird. It's weird what suddenly kids get into. And I never would have thought tea with, like, tadpoles in it. Yeah. Was gonna. Was gonna be what they were into. See, this is the sort of thing I'd like to hear on the next Andre 3000 album.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He doesn't. Doesn't understand Boba.

[James Acaster]

All of our daughters keep giving us Boba. That's a good. And every would be like, oh, wow. I didn't know that was. That wasn't just me, that's everyone because.

[Neil Hannon]

And that's what art is for.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Neil Hannon]

It's a bit like that scene in Man Bites Dog where he scares the old woman to death.

[Ed Gamble]

I've got to say, it's the first shout out we've had to Man Bites Dog.

[James Acaster]

Good shout out to Man Bites Dog. A lovely film.

[Neil Hannon]

Oh, I never watched it. I couldn't possibly get through that. I'd be dead.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

I saw all the trailers and thought, oh, that's not very nice, is it?

[Ed Gamble]

No, I don't think I've seen it either. I mean, I watched some horrible films, but I don't think I've seen it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I've not seen it.

[Neil Hannon]

Okay, well, we've all agreed on that.

[James Acaster]

But he thought, you've seen it. No, he's not seen it. He spoke. We got him.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

My. My wife with scary films. She can't watch scary films. So what she does is she finds a stream of it online, puts. Puts it in the corner to a tiny screen and then reads a Wikipedia plot.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

But, yes, my wife loves scary films, except she hates them.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[Neil Hannon]

And she has terrible nightmares for days after. You know, it's like, oh, that was really good. Scared me shitless. And it's like, why do you put yourself through it? I don't understand.

[Ed Gamble]

If you're having nightmares, you shouldn't be watching the films.

[James Acaster]

Two weeks. Couldn't sleep after Scream 2. Oh, God, that is true. Yeah. Obviously, I was much younger. I'll be able to watch it now.

[Ed Gamble]

You'd be able to watch it now?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be able to watch it now. All right.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a challenge.

[James Acaster]

That was my challenge. Challenge accepted. I'm gonna go away, watch Scream 2.

[Neil Hannon]

I'm not challenging you to do that. Don't do it. Don't do it, Neil.

[James Acaster]

I won't let you down. Poppadoms or bread. Neil.

[Neil Hannon]

Bread. Papadoms. I only worked out what they were when I was about 20. You know, northern Ireland was not a cosmopolitan place. You know, growing up especially, I was out in the sticks. So it was only when I started in the music industry that I went to an Indian restaurant. You know, it was extraordinary bread. There was a bakery called the Milanda Bakery just round the corner from us as I was growing up in Derry, Londonderry. So good they named it twice. And I feel like that smell was just there that my whole, like all of the 70s. And it went along quite well with the 70s. I don't know what it was about the 70s, the smell of baking white bread, you know, that stodgy stuff. And I have, you know, I'm sentimental about. I think my mum, when we said we're hungry, she just throws slices of white bread at us, you know, to get us away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we'd kind of play with them. We'd kind of take the crust off and then we'd sort of squidge up the white bread middle bit and like. So braid them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

And stuff. Oh, it was tough growing up when.

[Ed Gamble]

I was gonna say stereotypes were growing up in 70s Northern Ireland.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

All we had to play with was bread.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah, pretty much. You know, my dad was a rector and just like it was quite a small amount of money. We always lived in lovely houses because it was like the house was. Oh, I just poured coffee on myself. I'm getting excited thinking about the old days. Yeah, lovely house. Is a beautiful Victorian, sort of red brick terraced house that I grew up in and. But yeah, the furniture was moth eaten.

[James Acaster]

So do you want for your bread Course slices of white bread thrown at you by your mother that you can braid and play with.

[Neil Hannon]

That would be nice. Yeah. If my brothers were here as well. Yes, you brothers could do that and you know. But current ages. Yeah, that'd be funny. Fighting over bread in your 50s.

[James Acaster]

Where are you in the.

[Neil Hannon]

I'm the youngest.

[James Acaster]

You're the youngest.

[Neil Hannon]

It's like my parents ran out of steam because Des is the eldest and the tallest and then Brandon and then I'm a short arse.

[James Acaster]

So you, Des and Brendan playing with white bread together. Oh, that's how you hear us.

[Ed Gamble]

Was it the sort of white bread where if you do squeeze it down, it sort of almost becomes like.

[Neil Hannon]

It becomes a putty? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You could, you know, fill the cracks in the windows, fix the furniture.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, you fix that. Goddamn furniture. What's the. Obviously, if it's a vicar, it's called a vicarage. If you're a rector, what's it called? What's the house?

[Neil Hannon]

A rectorage. I don't know, sorry.

[Ed Gamble]

The rectory. Rectory.

[James Acaster]

Oh, a rectory.

[Neil Hannon]

Oh, my God. Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Not a rectum. Which is obviously my first thought.

[James Acaster]

That was what I was pushing it towards.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, Pushing it towards. Rectum.

[Neil Hannon]

Rectum.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Trying to see if I could get you to say you lived in a rectum.

[Ed Gamble]

He's a very good interviewer, James. He knows where he's going with these things.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it was a trap.

[Ed Gamble]

We've only got you here, Neil, because we wanted you to say we got him.

[James Acaster]

Shut it down. Yeah. And all the fake walls of the studio just go down. There's a whole studio audience. We've got it.

[Ed Gamble]

Michael McIntyre's out there.

[James Acaster]

Michael McIntyre's there. Whoa.

[Ed Gamble]

We got you.

[Neil Hannon]

Well, anyway, I was ejected from the rectum eventually.

[Ed Gamble]

Are you having butter with the bread, by the way?

[Neil Hannon]

Well, no, I will have. I'll have the Flora plant based salted butter. Thank you.

[Ed Gamble]

Welcome.

[James Acaster]

You got it.

[Ed Gamble]

We always have to ask our guests who, you know, are from the island of Ireland.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yes, of course.

[Ed Gamble]

Because there's always. You've got to check.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah, I heard David o' Doherty going on and on and on.

[Ed Gamble]

He does do that.

[James Acaster]

Yes. Kevin Gold usually gets a shout out.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah, well, I've managed to come off the old dairy butter in the last couple of years finally. When. When they made a good substitute, finally. Because I do try. I'm not very good. I still drink milk in my tea because tea tastes rancid without real milk. But I gather that Dairy Gold and Kerrygold are still going strong.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, big time.

[James Acaster]

Oh, they're going strong. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Dairy Gold do have like a plant based substitute, which is good, but. Oh, I won't go into it. My wife is a very strict vegan.

[James Acaster]

Uh huh.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, Very strict. Well, how does that manifest itself?

[Neil Hannon]

I can see I'm gonna get into trouble.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, she's very strict.

[Neil Hannon]

She is also a massive fan of this podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, thank you very much.

[James Acaster]

Thank you very much. Thank you for listening.

[Neil Hannon]

And she was kind of like quizzing me and, you know, trying to whip me into shape for this, but I said, leave alone, I'll do it myself. It'll be fine. Where. Where we got to.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, bless you. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But I did that thing while I pinched my nose.

[Ed Gamble]

I love one hand in the air.

[James Acaster]

I put one hand in the air.

[Neil Hannon]

And your eyes Gonna pop out.

[James Acaster]

I love it. I love the feeling. My. My ears feel crazy right now.

[Ed Gamble]

I do worry about that, though. If you don't let the sneeze out, then your eyes might pop out.

[Neil Hannon]

I think you've got to keep your eyes very firmly shut.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

In that situation, the way James did.

[Ed Gamble]

It, then he held his nose and put one hand in the air like he was doing the dance from Pulp Fiction.

[James Acaster]

That's what I was doing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

I have a lot of sneezing experience being a hay fever sufferer, you know, from my early teens. So I've been sneezing with great gusto all my life, even in the off season, because for some reason it's made my nose just hypersensitive, you know, But I like to let them out. I mean, obviously, catching substances.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Neil Hannon]

But I do like the. The feeling of just that. Well, plosive feeling.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Neil Hannon]

You know, just going.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you have a hanky or are you a disposable tissues man?

[Neil Hannon]

Disposable tissues, because, for God's sake, that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

I mean, my dad was very much a hanky man.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

It just didn't seem right. Especially when he'd get us to sneeze in his hanky.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah. Oh, you can't be using your dad's hanky.

[James Acaster]

Jesus. I've got a hanky dad and had a hanky granddad, and I just can't be doing with it. It's disgusting.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah, it's pretty vile.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely rank.

[Neil Hannon]

Although I do. I like the, you know, the reusing the sustainable ethic.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But I don't think that's why they're doing it. That's absolutely the furthest thing from my granddad's mind when he was using the hanky was. It was sustainable. Just wants to choose the grossest option possible, man. My God, I don't even want to talk about food now. We've talked about hankies.

[Ed Gamble]

I think they can be quite refined, the hanky.

[James Acaster]

What the hell are you talking about?

[Ed Gamble]

You can buy a fun spotty one and, you know.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. If you never use it.

[Neil Hannon]

Well, funny you should say that, but we. I think we're going to make, for the first time, sort of Divine Comedy monogrammed handkerchiefs for our merchandise desk in the gig. So buy some, please, after us having, you know, made them all.

[James Acaster]

Wow. To promote the bonus cd.

[Neil Hannon]

No, no, no. Because, you know, rainy Sunday afternoon, you might get a cold.

[James Acaster]

Oh, of course. Perfect. I think those. They'll sell quite well.

[Neil Hannon]

We would do brollies as well, but They're a bit pricey.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Also they'll all be opening them indoors at the gig. It's quite luck.

[Neil Hannon]

Cool. I don't care for that sort of superstition. No, I'm, I'm not a superstitious person.

[Ed Gamble]

So you'd be happy for them to all open?

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah, yeah. And if there's a set of stairs, you know, like a. What do you call those things?

[Ed Gamble]

Ladder.

[Neil Hannon]

Ladder.

[James Acaster]

Oh, wow. Well done, Ed.

[Neil Hannon]

He's a professional.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm a professional. I know the words.

[James Acaster]

He knew set of stairs was ladder.

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[Ed Gamble]

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[James Acaster]

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[Neil Hannon]

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[Neil Hannon]

What I really yearn for is a good orange. You just. It's so hard to get the perfect orange. And you're a food genie. So you can get me the perfect orange.

[James Acaster]

The perfect one.

[Neil Hannon]

You know, you're in the supermarket and you're sort of looking, you know, around the corner at all of the oranges because they always slide a few ones that are going off in at the bottom and, and also, you know, there might be one in the entire punnett that is acceptable.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

But so rare that you get one that sort of ticks all the boxes.

[James Acaster]

Let's go through these boxes.

[Neil Hannon]

Well, peelability. Yeah, I, I do. I, I don't like it when you have to sort of work too hard at the peeling. I, I'm. Maybe it's because I'm lazy. I don't know. I don't want to have, you know, it where the, where it's coming off in just little bits.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

You know, just working and working and working. And the orange isn't worth it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

It's not worth all of that trouble and time. And also you get your hands sort of that film. Weird citrus film.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

And then there's the very well tough orange segments, you know.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

And that's so disappointing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

And dry.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Needs to be firm but juicy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

And have a lovely, you know, not too sweet but it has to be pleasurably sweet.

[James Acaster]

Yes, yes. Yeah, I know, I'm bored of all this. Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

It's so I want a glass of sherry with it. Is that all right? Stick a, stick a drink in.

[James Acaster]

Right now you have a sherry with your perfect orange.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah. You're gonna give me the perfect orange. This is gonna be brilliant.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. The perfect. I mean I've probably, I'd say I've not eaten a regular orange for 15 years. I'm Satsumas all day long. I'm tangerines.

[James Acaster]

Easy peeling.

[Neil Hannon]

Do they even make navel or anymore?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, this is it.

[James Acaster]

Where do you stand on piff?

[Neil Hannon]

I don't mind it as long as it comes away easily, you know. But those wonderful experiences when you're peeling and you're thinking, I'm going to get all the way around in one go and it's, you know.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, that's going to happen with this orange.

[Neil Hannon]

My God. Yeah. And then. Yeah. I don't want it pre peeled or anything.

[James Acaster]

I pre peel it.

[Neil Hannon]

It's. It's going to be the satisfaction of me peeling it perfectly and then maybe when I get the last bit out, the whole of the inner pith comes out with the appeal.

[Ed Gamble]

What a feeling that would be.

[Neil Hannon]

What a feeling.

[Ed Gamble]

If you filmed that and put it online, that would go viral.

[James Acaster]

That would go viral.

[Neil Hannon]

But it's not. It never happens.

[James Acaster]

Exactly.

[Ed Gamble]

That's why it would go viral.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah, exactly.

[James Acaster]

People wouldn't believe it. They'd be sharing it and going, neil Han's got the perfect orange.

[Neil Hannon]

I'll have to believe you. I Don't do the socials. Yeah, well, I don't know what people want.

[James Acaster]

Believe us.

[Neil Hannon]

All right, all right.

[Ed Gamble]

The pith is very much like the negligee of the orange. Is that fair to say?

[James Acaster]

No, because I don't find it alluring at all. If you peeled an orange and showed it to me, it's covered in pithorm and be like, oh, that's sexy. It makes me wonder what's underneath.

[Ed Gamble]

Negligee doesn't have to be sexy. It can be practical.

[Neil Hannon]

Oh, I don't think. I mean, do people still wear negligees?

[Ed Gamble]

I just wanted to use the word. I'll be honest with you.

[James Acaster]

I think. I think this isn't neglige if it's just underwear, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I think negligee is meant to be a bit sexy, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's true. Maybe just because it's a French word.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Another difficult word to rhyme, just to get the cogs whirring again.

[James Acaster]

Neil, he's got his eyes closed. Eyes instantly closed, half smile on his face, trying to think he's in his element.

[Ed Gamble]

What rhymes with negligee? At Emirates.

[Neil Hannon]

Ugly way is all I've got.

[Ed Gamble]

Ugly way.

[Neil Hannon]

We'll have to keep working on it.

[James Acaster]

No, I like it. It's kind of like the flip. The opposite of negligent.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You know. Yes. I. I wouldn't say it's not that. Although I would hate it if I peeled an orange and the piff was in the shape of some negligence, like the orange was wearing some sexiness. Yeah. And a little bra.

[Neil Hannon]

I don't know how this got sexy.

[James Acaster]

I wouldn't. I wouldn't be into that.

[Neil Hannon]

Nor me.

[James Acaster]

Good to know. What kind of sherry do you. Do you want. Do you have a particular type of sherry that you'd always go for at Christmas or.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah, I mean, you know, I'm a Harvey's or Croft or Winter's Tale. How is it called a Winter's Tale? A bottle of, you know, fortified wine. How did it get that name?

[Ed Gamble]

But it's obviously got. It's obviously hooked you in. It's called A Winter's Tale and you like to drink it.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah, and I usually get it at Christmas because it seems appropriate. I like a nice, reasonably sweet, nutty sherry. Yeah, I'm not into your kind of fino. Very dry kind of stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I do. I like a. I like a sweet, sweet sherry.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah, me too. Good.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I don't really have sherry that much, but whenever I. Whenever I do Have a little sip. I do think, why don't I have this ever? I mean, it's basically how I get.

[Neil Hannon]

To drink at half past five. It's like, oh, I'll just have a little sherry and an orange.

[Ed Gamble]

And you wonder why the kids aren't.

[James Acaster]

This Bible to have something else. Because I have a Chevy of oranges all the time. 5:30.

[Ed Gamble]

It's very. Almost sort of a medieval start. Start to the meal. You can imagine if you were a lord maybe in a manor somewhere, someone bringing you just a single orange on.

[Neil Hannon]

A silver plate for it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. You got four dogs, right?

[Neil Hannon]

Four dogs, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You guys could never live together.

[James Acaster]

I've got four cats. It would be Nair.

[Neil Hannon]

The twain.

[James Acaster]

The house be divided by down the middle.

[Ed Gamble]

That's the start of an animated feature.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. We have to move for some reason. A comedian and musician have to move them together.

[Neil Hannon]

No, but, you know, I admire your animal care.

[James Acaster]

Thank you. I admire your animal care.

[Neil Hannon]

Oh, thank you.

[James Acaster]

What type of dogs are they?

[Neil Hannon]

Hard to say. Two sort of lurchery greyhound things and two sort of smaller collie things. Sheepy dogs.

[James Acaster]

I think we'd actually live together very well. My partner's absolutely obsessed with lurchery greyhound things.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Lurchers and greyhounds, specifically.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

She's not. She's in. When I'm. She's not there. She's gone by that point in the film. It's not. It's not that good of.

[James Acaster]

In the film. We've both been by our girlfriend.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Wives. And Neil's case.

[Neil Hannon]

The odd couple.

[James Acaster]

Yes. So it's just the two of us. Yeah. With our. And we've both somehow got the pets and the divorce.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. And now we have to live together. Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

And you've got to find the perfect orange.

[James Acaster]

But I think that would be. So what would happen then in the film is my girlfriend would meet Neil.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

See the lurchers and the greyhounds fall in love with him.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then you would be like, I've met someone, I'm in love. They're going to move in the house. If that's okay. I'll be like, sure, this is good. I'll be like, I support you, Neil. And then I'll be like, what the hell? Yeah. That is my ex girlfriend. I was in love with her.

[Ed Gamble]

And before you ask. Yes. You can write the soundtrack.

[Neil Hannon]

That's the best bit. I'll write the jolly songs. Yeah. But chocolate.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Oh, songs about chocolates. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, no, the Wonka. Come on. All of the. Neil wrote all the songs for Wonka.

[James Acaster]

Of course.

[Neil Hannon]

Yes. And it was popular. I've been involved in something popular. Yeah. Wonderful.

[Ed Gamble]

Our friend Phil Wang was in Wonka. He did a dance.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

I met him on set. He'd broken his arm.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, he broke his arm doing a dance and fell off a table.

[James Acaster]

My nephews are really obsessed with Phil Wang because I, I won him in Taskmaster. So they're always like asking me if Phil Wang's still at my house. And when they watched Wonka, they were so excited, but they know they're not meant to, like talk and shout in the cinema. So they just looked over each other and made a W sign with their handbag was on tv.

[Ed Gamble]

The international sign.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Even though they're watching Wonka. Yeah, they got the wood. I don't know how we got onto any of that, but. What is your dream main course?

[Neil Hannon]

Christmas dinner.

[James Acaster]

You are so Christmassy.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You got lodge in your stocking as sherry.

[Neil Hannon]

And Christmas doesn't happen with the same gusto as perhaps I would like, you know, as you get older, it's like, can I be bothered putting all these decorations up when, like, it's just us and maybe, you know, a parent or two, you know, but yeah, the food. I was just trying to think, be honest about the time when I'm eating, when I'm at my happiest, and that's during Christmas dinner because I like everything and I eat lots of it. I'd like a really, really big plate, please.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

How big are we talking?

[Neil Hannon]

You know those sort of oval serving dishes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Neil Hannon]

That kind of vibe.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd have that.

[Ed Gamble]

I can see why you've just had an orange as a starter now.

[James Acaster]

Perfect orange. And then the biggest dinner ever.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

What we talking at the Hanun Christmas?

[Neil Hannon]

Well, I mean, the best thing about Christmas dinner as a vegetarian is that it's really all about the vegetables in a way, you know, And Kathy does absolutely amazing roasties, amazing gravy and, you know, amazing veg. And then I plunk a little corn roast in the middle of it, you know, or something. But you know how you're like, you can make me anything.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Neil Hannon]

And you know how they're trying to develop lab grown meat. I want a massive lab grown steak.

[James Acaster]

Yes, please.

[Neil Hannon]

In the middle.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Oh, that would be so cool. Hurry up out there.

[James Acaster]

Yes. It would taste better than any. It'd be better than any even meat steak.

[Neil Hannon]

Well, it won't be happy because it was never alive.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. If anything, that's even More unhappy, isn't it?

[Neil Hannon]

What? Never being alive.

[Ed Gamble]

It's becoming a steak straight away.

[James Acaster]

No, no, no, no, no. Instantly dead.

[Ed Gamble]

Instantly. No.

[James Acaster]

Never immediately dead.

[Neil Hannon]

Never conscious.

[James Acaster]

Shut up. You're ruining it.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a sad tale.

[James Acaster]

Always dead.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Anyway. Brussels sprouts.

[James Acaster]

Yep.

[Neil Hannon]

Part snips.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Carrots. Yeah, yeah. But they're sort of all done lengthways and sort of glazed.

[Ed Gamble]

They roasted right. Loaded.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know what she does. She's a magician. Kind of like you've got your very own. Like with this boiled spuds, kind of shaking them in the pan.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

To make them all kind of.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. And then how's that spelled?

[Neil Hannon]

N, Y, I, C, K, G. Yeah. There's got to be a G in there.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And when do people start shaking the. Shaking the tates. Yeah, but. And what were you doing before?

[Neil Hannon]

Ask me.

[James Acaster]

Andre. Few Thousand Shakes.

[Neil Hannon]

That's the name of his new single.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Like a Polaroid picture.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. He's like, I can't put this in a song. No one will care.

[Neil Hannon]

That's one of my favorite lyrics of this century.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

It's. What's the bit before? Oh, God, I've forgotten. But it ends up with like, Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I want to see you all in your baddest behavior. That's it. There be some sugar. I am your neighbor.

[Neil Hannon]

I know, that's perfect.

[Ed Gamble]

You actually shouldn't shake Polaroid pictures, though.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. And. And if you're gonna Lend me some sugar, I want you on your best behavior. Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Or else you might drop it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Sugar everywhere in my new apartment.

[James Acaster]

That's why it's such a genius song. It makes us forget the actual, actual way the world works and what we're like from life. We just completely buy into his way of thinking.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah. I bet it'd be nuts, though, having him as a neighbor. Music all the time.

[James Acaster]

But he's old, you know. He's made that clear.

[Neil Hannon]

He's not that old. He's probably.

[Ed Gamble]

He said he's too old to rap now, but, you know, he probably goes to bed earlier.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. He said that no one wants to hear him rap about colonoscopies.

[Neil Hannon]

But I wonder if he still raps at home, you know, just in his own time. He needs to get the raps out.

[Ed Gamble]

I told you watches in the morning, just.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm going to have a coffee.

[Neil Hannon]

Oh, God.

[James Acaster]

Tell you what. I think you're right. You shouldn't Release music anymore. That's. What if that's what his rap is. I'm going to have a coffee.

[Ed Gamble]

It won't taste like toffee.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Imagine if all these rap fans all around the world have gone like, andre, we just want you to do another rap album, please. And then he releases it and it's, I'm going to have a coffee. It won't taste like tacos. And I was like, oh, he was right. He's completely lost it now as an older guy. And this is the worst thing we've ever heard. Sorry for doubting you and pushing you in a direction you didn't want to go in. You're the artist. You do know what's best.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah. Here's your flute back.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, no, I burnt my toast.

[Neil Hannon]

He can't rap. He's the host.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, that does work. That works too well.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that works out. That works too well. That's too.

[Ed Gamble]

I really enjoy doing raps where it's just the first line and then just stopping.

[James Acaster]

That was a whole album if it was a bunch of first lines. And no, if it was just like, I'm going to have a coffee, I'm going to have some jokes. Oh, God damn it.

[Ed Gamble]

So easy to rhyme with as well.

[James Acaster]

The whole thing. Yeah, really easy rhymes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

I sort of did wrap a tiny bit on a song called Office Politics on the The Last Proper album, but it came out as that sort of Neil Tennant rap. Yeah, you know, that sort of. So Hillary smiles and, yeah, that's the.

[James Acaster]

Best I can do, but I think that's appropriate. You're going like this. This works for me. This will suit one of our songs.

[Neil Hannon]

Exactly.

[James Acaster]

It's the worst when suddenly, out of nowhere, someone who's not a rapper tries to rap proper on one of their songs and they've never done it before.

[Neil Hannon]

Yes. I think there was a one time when my daughter was quite young and I'd done something silly with the peas and I said, oh, my bag.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Because I thought that's what it was.

[James Acaster]

You thought. You thought they said my bag?

[Neil Hannon]

I thought they said my bag.

[Ed Gamble]

I thought that was the phrase my bag.

[James Acaster]

That doesn't even make sense. You've done something with the peas.

[Ed Gamble]

So hang on, what have you done wrong with the peas?

[James Acaster]

You had a bag of peas. I can't remember to apologize. You said my bag.

[Neil Hannon]

I don't know whether I thought it referred to, like. I can't imagine what I thought.

[James Acaster]

Well, yes, people would say, that's not my bag.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's not my bag. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So you kind of confuse the two phrases a little bit. Are you going, hey, my bad.

[Neil Hannon]

So desperately unhip.

[James Acaster]

Imagine if you did something wrong at like baggage claim or something. That is not. That's not your bag.

[Ed Gamble]

So that is not your bag. Making mistakes.

[James Acaster]

This is the whole root of the problem is that you keep on picking up the wrong bag. Now you've got all these things on your picture.

[Neil Hannon]

The condiments.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah, we've got the best bit.

[James Acaster]

Sorry? Condiments are the best bit. And we're gonna do the condiments right now.

[Neil Hannon]

Cranberry sauce, Horseradish.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Mint sauce.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Bread sauce. English mustard, Dijon mustard.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Have I forgotten anything? Anything else that's around? Ballymaloo, relish, whatever.

[Ed Gamble]

What's that? Relish.

[Neil Hannon]

Oh, ballymaloo. Do you not have it over there?

[James Acaster]

No, no, no, no.

[Neil Hannon]

Oh, it's lovely. Yeah. It's from this range of products called Ballymaloo. But it's like Branston a bit, but it's sweeter and it's kind of sort of ready brown. It's really lovely. Lots of sort of sultanas crop up in it and stuff like this. Yeah, it's very good in sandwiches.

[Ed Gamble]

Nice.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah. I have a bread sauce story.

[James Acaster]

Is it about the time your mum threw you some bread and you play with it too much?

[Neil Hannon]

No, no. But it did occur in my parents house like maybe 10 years ago. I was, you know, my brother's families were there as well. Everybody was there. It was Christmas. I thought, I am going to make the bread sauce. I'm gonna cut to the chase. It said, you know, I'd flavored it with like cinnamon things and like apple, whatever. I. And then it said sieve. I put the sieve there and I. Oh, no. Put the pot. Just threw it all down the sink. Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You saved the sauce.

[Neil Hannon]

I saved the sauce the wrong way around.

[James Acaster]

They said, my bad.

[Ed Gamble]

My bag.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah. I hope it catches on.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I think it will.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And sink bread sauce as well have that catches on.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

People already have it out the sink. Have you successfully made bread sauce since?

[Neil Hannon]

I never tried to cook again. I just, I learned my lesson. I'm. I'm so bad. Yeah. Like I can do a boiled egg.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's pretty good.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

How long you. How long are you boiling the egg for?

[Neil Hannon]

Put it straight in the cold water before it starts to heat and then from four minutes from when it boils.

[Ed Gamble]

Nice.

[Neil Hannon]

Perfect. Every time, genius peels perfectly.

[James Acaster]

Do you get.

[Neil Hannon]

Well, I mean, I I take the top off with a spoon.

[James Acaster]

Okay. And then you're.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah, I don't leave it to cool and then peel it like.

[Ed Gamble]

I had egg in a cup this morning.

[Neil Hannon]

Oh. Like sort of with toast in it or just mashed it.

[Ed Gamble]

I just mashed it up.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Put some. A little bit of butter in there. Salt and pepper, a little bit.

[Neil Hannon]

As kids, but we'd obviously fire some bread in there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, of course. Yeah. Run over to the other side of the room. Get your mum's a lob it.

[James Acaster]

Dream side. Dream side dish.

[Neil Hannon]

I hadn't thought about this. I don't have it on my notes.

[James Acaster]

I mean, you just want all your Christmas.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, you do have sides. It's a plate of sides.

[James Acaster]

You've got plenty of sides there.

[Neil Hannon]

Sides galore. I. I mean, I should probably say the. The wilted spinach.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

I like that. Yeah. With, you know, butter and maybe garlic. Is it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, for sure.

[Neil Hannon]

Cool. There you go.

[James Acaster]

Happy with that? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

It's funny, I already mentioned Neil Tennant. You were going to ask me about drinks maybe.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah. At some point. Would you like. Would you like me to do that now?

[Neil Hannon]

Would you?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got very excited about Neil Tennant.

[Neil Hannon]

I just remembered, I want the finest wine known to humanity.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And you got so excited about this when you remembered it was coming up.

[Neil Hannon]

Well, I just thought. I. I don't know much about wine, but I know the good stuff from the bad stuff when I'm giving it. And the best wine I ever got given was by Neil Tennant. He took us out to dinner when I was gonna do I've been to a marvelous party for the Terence Higgins Trust album that he did in the late 90s. And he didn't need to take us out to dinner, but he did, and it was great. And he said, what sort of wine do you like? And I didn't know. I will get this one. And it was the greatest thing I've ever tasted in my life. You know, money counts, I think when it comes to wine, I really do.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

You know, you get some great wines for, you know, 20 quid or whatever, but if you go up to like, you know.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

I don't even want to say it's too awful.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Because I. I looked at the menu as to what he'd pointed to later and I mean, it was.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, come on, tell us. Tell us how much it was. Tell us how much. Tenant was dropping.

[Neil Hannon]

I mean, it's. I think it was about 800 quid. Or something like that.

[James Acaster]

Wow. Tenant.

[Neil Hannon]

I just didn't know it was possible to spend that much money on a drink.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But it was the greatest thing.

[Neil Hannon]

It was the greatest thing I'd ever tasted. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I mean, that's. I have no idea about wine at all. I'm like you. I don't really know the difference. When I'm given good stuff, I do immediately recognize that that's delicious and another stuff isn't. And anytime we've been invited to a fancy Finger, to this podcast and it is specifically wine based, then that's what they're trying to showcase. And they go, here's this super expensive, crazy wine that's like this old. And you hear all that description and you do drink it and go, yep, that's nice.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

In a way that almost makes me angry that as someone who doesn't. I don't love wine, so therefore I don't really like. I won't order it most of the time. But this ridiculously expensive, super incredibly made stuff is one of the nicest drinks in the world. I do get a little bit annoyed that that's just not the wine that.

[Ed Gamble]

Everyone has and it's not accessible.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

To you every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

It's like, oh, great. It's a secret little drink just for the.

[Neil Hannon]

Should I be actually charging 800 quid for my new album? Yeah. Because it's obviously better than everybody else.

[Ed Gamble]

I think so.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah. You should do that.

[Ed Gamble]

Go the whole Wu Tang and just release one copy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

It crossed my mind on occasion, but you just can't imagine making. Putting all that effort into something and then one person gets to listen to.

[Ed Gamble]

It, but we don't know how much effort they put into it. We've not heard it.

[Neil Hannon]

It might be off on a wet Wednesday afternoon.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Because only.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Ed Gamble]

Only Martin Shkreli's heard it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. He says, I'm gonna make a coffee. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Eat some toast.

[James Acaster]

Wu Tang. Yeah. Could just be that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I'm trying to think of, like combining the breakfast thing with a pre existing Wu Tang song. So. But I can't really.

[Ed Gamble]

It's too early in the morning for.

[Neil Hannon]

Me to be able to do that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Bring the ruckus.

[James Acaster]

Bring the breakfast.

[Neil Hannon]

Bring the breakfast.

[Ed Gamble]

Bring the breakfast.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Bring the breakfast. I'll listen to that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I would definitely listen to that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah. Especially if I was the only one. Imagine if that was that. That album is just 36 chambers again.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But about breakfast. Every single song is about breakfast. And you'll listen to it. Go. If you just re recorded 36 chambers but you're singing about breakf. Yeah. And no one's going to believe you that that's what we do, enjoy listening.

[Ed Gamble]

And you've just paid a million quid for that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah. So there you go.

[Neil Hannon]

You can never tell anybody.

[James Acaster]

So you want The Neil Tenant 800 pound wine?

[Neil Hannon]

Yes, that's.

[James Acaster]

Do you want Neil Tenant to be there?

[Neil Hannon]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

You'd like him to join you for the drink?

[Neil Hannon]

Well, I can't say no, can I?

[James Acaster]

He's paying for it.

[Ed Gamble]

He's paying for it.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah, exactly. He's got to be involved.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you remember anything about the wine? What it was specifically or just that it was £800 and the best thing you've ever tasted?

[James Acaster]

Red.

[Neil Hannon]

It was red.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Neil Hannon]

And I liked it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

No, I mean I was so completely like, oh my God, I'm. I'm a silly little Northern Irish dweeb. And here I am in a fancy London restaurant, you know, being wined and dined by one of my musical heroes. It was astonishing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I still feel like that all the time. The amount of times I literally do think to myself, I'm from Kettering. I literally go, I'm a little boyful Kettering. I've got somehow got in here and they have no idea.

[Neil Hannon]

They don't even know where Kettering is.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

The amount of times I think I'm from London, I deserve this.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Different life. Unless. Unless you're in a place like Kettering. What the am I doing here? Yeah, I'm from London.

[Ed Gamble]

This wine's very cheap.

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[James Acaster]

You arrive at your dream dessert. In that case.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah, well, I have an actual dessert that I really like and it doesn't mess with my teeth too much.

[James Acaster]

That's good.

[Neil Hannon]

So it's poached pears in sort of, you know, wine and brown sugar. And cinnamon and you know, nice little. Oh God, the ice cream that's gonna set my teeth off.

[Ed Gamble]

But you know, for this meal, this is the dream restaurant.

[Neil Hannon]

Can I have genie built dentures?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Just for this meal.

[Ed Gamble]

You can have genie. You could have genie turkey teeth for this whole meal.

[Neil Hannon]

Turkeys don't have teeth. We have two turkeys. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Do you?

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And you pick Christmas dinner as your dream meal?

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah, but I'm not eating them.

[James Acaster]

That's the whole point. You got the always dead steak.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Never alive.

[James Acaster]

Have you named the turkeys.

[Neil Hannon]

Well, they're out in the rescue sort of section of our lives, which is Kathy's domain. I've seen them and they're quite unattractive. I'm sorry. She loves them and I don't want to say anything about them, but I bet they're really nice people when you get to know them.

[Ed Gamble]

You're gonna be in so much trouble when this comes out, Neil.

[Neil Hannon]

You know, there's so many other animals, like endless piggies that are absolutely gorgeous and so, so fun to be around.

[Ed Gamble]

How many, how many animals would you say are on?

[Neil Hannon]

About 170 odd.

[James Acaster]

In the vesky?

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah, yeah. Around us. Around the house.

[James Acaster]

Around the house?

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah. In. In our fields. Yeah, we. Some fields.

[James Acaster]

Fields with loads of animals.

[Neil Hannon]

And loads of animals. Yeah. It's quite noisy having that many animals at dinner time. Yeah. My God. Yeah. To the uninitiated it would sound like the sixth circle of hell, you know, at about 4:30 the afternoon. But you get used to it.

[James Acaster]

I love this.

[Neil Hannon]

It's great. We've got sheep and donkeys and ponies and all sorts. Yeah. You know, only kept going by the wonderful donations of the Irish public.

[James Acaster]

Do you want to shout out the.

[Neil Hannon]

My Lovely Horse Rescue?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Is it called My Lovely Horse Rescue? Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Great.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So that's where people could donate and support all these animals.

[Neil Hannon]

Absolutely. That would be amazing if you could out there. Thank you.

[James Acaster]

So these poached pears feels very Christmassy again.

[Neil Hannon]

It does, doesn't it?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

I think that's all I'm really ever looking for is nativity. Oh, God.

[Ed Gamble]

Ladder.

[Neil Hannon]

You can cut stuff out of these things, can't you?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I'd guess Ladder again. That was funny. So probably keep that in.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah. I just have Christmassy nostalgia, really.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Do you think that's because of growing up in the rectum?

[Neil Hannon]

In the rectum? No, I think it's because I liked everything to do with, you know, the darkness but with the little lights and then it was Sort of mysterious in a weird way. It was definitely a change from, you know, the various riots outside.

[James Acaster]

Sure, sure.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah. No, I must stress that I didn't have a Dickensian childhood. It was very nice and my par were wonderful. Bringer uppers.

[James Acaster]

I mean, that sounded very much like you're being forced to say that, but, like, we believe you.

[Neil Hannon]

And I love my wife.

[James Acaster]

Vanilla ice cream with these pears, then.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Neil Hannon]

That I can eat with no pain.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that'd be amazing.

[Neil Hannon]

You know, I've really got to get my teeth fixed.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

This is amazing. You're coming out of this episode.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, people can donate.

[Neil Hannon]

Restoration fund. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Merely if he's listening.

[Neil Hannon]

Well, basically, how you do that is by the album or come to the show.

[James Acaster]

Yes. Buy the merch if you want to fund Neil's teeth.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Buy a hanky.

[Neil Hannon]

Yeah. I mean, the main thing is I'm just terrified of dentists, so I end up going every four years, you know, and so no wonder.

[James Acaster]

I see. Yeah. So that's the. I mean, what if David Tennant was your dentist? You'd like him.

[Ed Gamble]

Neil Tennant.

[Neil Hannon]

Neil Tennant.

[Ed Gamble]

But what if David Tennant was your dad?

[James Acaster]

What if David Tennant. I've been thinking David Tennant the whole time.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you?

[James Acaster]

So in that story, I was thinking of David Tennant, but when he said musical hero.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, Neil said musical hero.

[James Acaster]

Well, I thought we did that cover of Sunshine on Leaf for Comic Relief.

[Ed Gamble]

And weirdly, when I hear the name Neil Tennant, I think of my history teacher, Neil Tetley.

[Neil Hannon]

Coincidence?

[James Acaster]

The flat cap one on the lap.

[Ed Gamble]

He took me to see Static X when we were on a school trip.

[James Acaster]

Wow, that's crazy.

[Ed Gamble]

Static X. Another one of your musical heroes? No.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, a new metal, I don't know, band where the singer had very tall hair spiked up. Really? Really.

[Neil Hannon]

Was he very short? Was it like a child?

[James Acaster]

He was quite.

[Ed Gamble]

No, he was quite tall.

[James Acaster]

He was quite tall and then even taller hair. And they'd always ask him, how do you get your hair so tall and spiky? And he just would say, come. But coming.

[Neil Hannon]

Oh, delightful.

[Ed Gamble]

He actually then revealed how he did it, which was to make sugar solution, to literally make caramel and put it in his hair.

[Neil Hannon]

That's how they used to do it in the goth days.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. He's since passed away and get this, they've replaced him with a man wearing a mask and big fake hair.

[James Acaster]

Really?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Well, it's all the rage, the whole mask thing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

Should I get one?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, you could get One hide my teeth. Yeah, yeah. But the mask could have, like, massive teeth on it.

[Neil Hannon]

I think I'd get a mask that looked exactly like me. It would just be like a Neil mask. Or maybe Neil Tennant's face.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

I feel like poor Neil Tennant, he said some nice things about us when we sort of first started, when something for the weekend came out. Like, I feel like I could pass the baton on to this band. And it was like, that is incredible. I feel like I might have let him down.

[Ed Gamble]

No, you've taken that baton. You've been running with it.

[Neil Hannon]

No, I keep making, you know, not very poppy music. So, you know, And I liked Radiohead and he really didn't.

[Ed Gamble]

I got a question for you now. Do you like pizza?

[Neil Hannon]

I bloody love pizza.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, well, I've got an apology to make. Do you remember in 2006 when you played, it was in Durham, Durham University. It was a surprise band at something called Cuth's Day at Durham University. Do you remember? It's a long time ago.

[Neil Hannon]

That wasn't the one. That was. Complete debacle, probably.

[Ed Gamble]

It was outside.

[Neil Hannon]

Where Nothing.

[Ed Gamble]

The college bar, almost certainly that one, Durham University. And I was in a sketch group and we were on before. We were on before you. Yeah. And I got. Well, we all got very drunk and I think we ended up stealing your pizza.

[James Acaster]

Pizza.

[Ed Gamble]

I woke up the next morning and some pizza had been bought for you and left backstage. And then I woke up the next morning, I had slices of pizza in my pockets.

[Neil Hannon]

I feel like it's more likely that, you know, Jerry and Warren from my crew would remember this. Real hatred of the support band. Yeah, but because, I mean, basically you'd got cowboys to get your PA together, You know, they'd left you completely in the lurch. Nothing worked. And, you know, our crew were like, off trying to source, like, cables and PA and stuff. And in the end, it was like going back to 1987 and our first gig. So, like, with somebody's loaned amp that kind of worked, you know, and playing National Express, like, it sounded like a banjo, you know, that's all I can remember. And because it was such a show, we all got legless.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Neil Hannon]

So pizza would have come in, really.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a difficult day at work. All you want is just a lovely slice of pizza.

[Neil Hannon]

That's so delightful that you supported us.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, Mad. I'm doing, like doing bad comedy sketches as well.

[James Acaster]

That's what you want, isn't it? Getting the crowd revved up.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, Brilliant.

[Neil Hannon]

Oh, and they were really revved up by the time they didn't care what the hell we sounded like.

[James Acaster]

I read you your menu back now, see how you feel about it. You would like still water from Northern Ireland. Not from London. Not London. Bitty stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Dairy taps.

[James Acaster]

Dairy taps. You would like white bread from Melander Bakery with Flora plant based salted butter thrown at you by your mother. Starter. You would like the perfect orange and a glass of sherry. Main course, A really big serving plate full of Christmas dinner. Side dish, wilted spinach with butter and garlic drink. Neil Tennant's wine. Dessert.

[Ed Gamble]

Not David Tennant.

[James Acaster]

Not David Tennant, no, he's not allowed in the restaurant.

[Neil Hannon]

Although he's good too.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I bet he could still afford that wine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dessert, poached pears in wine, sugar and cinnamon with vanilla ice cream and your special turkey teeth.

[Neil Hannon]

Brilliant. I want it right now.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. It's so Christmassy. I mean, just for the listener. It's boiling today.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it's a boiling hot day. You got a long while to wait until you get something like that.

[Neil Hannon]

I'm going to see if my wife will make it for me when I go home.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, well, you better because then I'm.

[Neil Hannon]

Going on tour before this goes in the autumn, so.

[Ed Gamble]

Of course, yeah. Difficult to find the perfect orange, though. Well, we. We wish you luck on the quest for the perfect orange.

[Neil Hannon]

If anyone can, Kathy can.

[Ed Gamble]

What a lovely way to end. Thanks so much for coming to the dream restaurant, Neil.

[Neil Hannon]

It was my pleasure, guys. Thanks for having me.

[James Acaster]

Thank you, Neil.

[Ed Gamble]

There we are, James, the wonderful Neil Hannon.

[James Acaster]

A lovely Christmassy meal.

[Ed Gamble]

Really Christmassy.

[James Acaster]

So festive.

[Ed Gamble]

Love the perfect orange. It's where we. It's rare we talk about the platonic ideals of simple things.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. And I would say that he's got it right about the orange there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

All those qualities I would also want, although I'm more. I've got more of a hard line about the piff. Just get. Get rid of it. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You want it to be in the shape of a bra and knickers.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, I do.

[Ed Gamble]

That's what you said.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's what I said. Rainy Sunday Afternoon is out on September 19th.

[Ed Gamble]

When you say Rainy Sunday Afternoon, which is of course the new Divine Comedy album, it sounds like you said, rennie.

[James Acaster]

Sunday Afternoon, which would be Good afternoon.

[Ed Gamble]

I've had a few of those. I tell you. I've had a few ready Sunday afternoons.

[James Acaster]

I tell you.

[Ed Gamble]

I'll tell you, mate, I love.

[James Acaster]

I tell you, being on the train in here and someone say that. It's always after something. Just completely boring. Yeah, yeah. I had a bad banana the other day. I'd tell you.

[Ed Gamble]

I like, I tell you that for nothing as well.

[James Acaster]

Say that for nothing, because you can't.

[Ed Gamble]

We can't say that ever, really, on stage.

[James Acaster]

We can't say Taylor's for nothing. Yeah. They've paid.

[Ed Gamble]

They've paid.

[James Acaster]

We'd have to do a free entry gig.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Or maybe we could do it, like, we'll just be clear, like, that's the end of the paid content.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Of the gig.

[Ed Gamble]

And now.

[James Acaster]

I'll tell you this for nothing.

[Ed Gamble]

I'll tell you this for nothing.

[James Acaster]

It's all shit. We keep reminding them this is for nothing. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

This is for nothing, by the way.

[James Acaster]

It's for nothing. You can leave whatever you want. It's really bad. The Divine Comedy are going on tour, October 2025. All over the place. Glasgow, Wolverhampton, Bath.

[Ed Gamble]

There you go. Thedivinecomedy.com for tickets. Thanks so much to Neil. Thanks so much to you for listening. We'll see you next time.

[James Acaster]

Oh, thank you, Neil, for not saying crisps and tea.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yes, thank you. Or tea and crisps. Actually, yeah, tea was mentioned, but only about how he had to have milk in it.

[James Acaster]

Yes, but didn't. It didn't make the menu.

[Ed Gamble]

No. Nice wine did. Nice wine and a little sherry with the perfect orange.

[James Acaster]

Yes, but no tea, no crisps. So Neil stays in. But that shouldn't stop you all from debating online whether we should have kicked Neil out if he said tea And Chris.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

So make sure you tweet the Great Benito about that.

[Ed Gamble]

Tweet the Great Benito.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm touring Europe in November.

[James Acaster]

Fantastic.

[Ed Gamble]

So go to edgamble.co.uk for details on that. I'm going to some places I've never been before.

[James Acaster]

Oh, wow.

[Ed Gamble]

And let me tell you, tickets are going great guns in some places and some places we need to get the word out.

[James Acaster]

Interesting. You want to name drop one of those places so people know to go to those ones especially.

[Ed Gamble]

It's mad I've not sold more in Lisbon.

[James Acaster]

Come on, Lisbonites, you gotta go.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, I'm touring Europe. Edgamble.co.uk I'm touring America next year. Don't know what dates we've announced and what we haven't yet. Definitely LA and New Yorker out there and there's maybe a couple of tickets available for la. But yeah, I should be doing some more as well, so keep an eye open for that and don't forget to.

[James Acaster]

Get online and download the bonus disc. The Divine Comedy bonus disc.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, absolutely. That's the main thing that we want to put out there into the world. Yes, get the bonus album. We'll see you next time.

[James Acaster]

Bye bye. Goodbye.

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[Neil Hannon]

Beth, you're in charge of ordering the tacos for the meeting today.

[Ad/Promo Voice]

Yeah, I'm not gonna order the tacos.

[James Acaster]

Uh, what?

[Ad/Promo Voice]

I'm going to easy cater the tacos with EasyCater. You can order from a huge variety of restaurants, track expenses and save time.

[Neil Hannon]

Nice.

[Ad/Promo Voice]

Oh, by the way, you're emailing the meeting notes, right?

[James Acaster]

No, I'm going to easy mail them.

[Neil Hannon]

Where's my music?

[Ad/Promo Voice]

Sorry Ben, there's no Easy Cater for that.

[James Acaster]

Easycater.

[Neil Hannon]

The easy way to order food for work. Order [e-mail].

[Ed Gamble]

Hello, I'm Carrie Ad.

[James Acaster]

I'm Sarah and we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival. The date is Thursday 11th of September. The time is 7pm and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

[James Acaster]

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk Single Ladies is coming to London True on Saturday 13th September.

[Ed Gamble]

At the London Podcast Festival.

[James Acaster]

The rumors are true. Saturday the 13th of September at King's Place.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.