Nikesh Patel

Summary

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Episode: Nikesh Patel

Release Date: February 25, 2026
Guest: Nikesh Patel (Actor: Starstruck, Indian Summers, Hunted)

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Episode Overview

In this vibrant episode, actors and comedians Ed Gamble and James Acaster welcome the charming Nikesh Patel into the "dream restaurant." True to the Off Menu format, Nikesh selects his ultimate dream meal—starter, main, side, dessert, and drink—while the hosts delight in playful banter, sidetracks into TV and personal anecdotes, and culinary nostalgia.

The conversation spans Nikesh's experience on Hunted, his eclectic food memories from across the world, parental food rituals, embracing vegetarianism and fatherhood, plus forays into games, drugs-in-desserts, and the ever-present genie shtick. The vibe is witty, relaxed, and occasionally anarchic, with all three riffing off each other's stories and food passions.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

Welcoming Nikesh & Hunted Stories

• [04:49–07:01] Introduction and playful interrogation of James’s “genie” character, with Nikesh questioning the character’s ambiguous blend of folklore and Kettering accent.
  • Nikesh: "I'd like to interrogate your process when it comes to playing the genie. You know, obviously a figure that's steeped in like, Islamic folklore and mythology..." [07:08]
• [09:40–15:27] Candid recap of their time filming Hunted together, with embarrassing confessions and behind-the-scenes context (COVID isolation, game-start mishaps, and Nikesh’s notorious bank card slip).
  • Nikesh: "You leave your flat, you go straight to the tube and use your bank card." [10:27]
  • Ed: "They give you all of these, like, challenges and rules and restrictions... but they don't explain them to the audience." [11:21]
  • Amusing tale of being chased through Birmingham, jumping into a random production van.
• [14:50] Victory and defeat banter—no one survived that Hunted series, and Nikesh’s wife is “livid” the couple didn’t outlast Ed and James.

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The Off Menu Selections

Water

• [15:31–18:13]
  • Nikesh selects still water "poshed up" with a long, thin cucumber slice in the bottle, sparking debate about slicing techniques, magic, and whether the “work” matters if the presentation is right.

Bread

• [22:11–25:38]
  • Goes for roti canai (Malaysian-style flaky, buttery flatbread). Nikesh shares experiences filming in Penang—its food, colonial buildings, monsoon humidity, and dodging scorpions.
  • Nikesh: "Roti canai is basically like a version of a roti or a paratha, but it's more like crepe. Like it's like really buttery." [22:11]
  • Local London recs: Jolly (in NW London) and C&R Cafe in Soho.

Starter

• [26:07–28:13]
  • Picks chilaquiles—a comforting Mexican breakfast dish of crisped tortillas, refried beans, cheese, and sour cream (sometimes with egg).
  • Story of a Mexico trip with his now-wife, and the emotional satisfaction of chilaquiles.
  • Nikesh: "Apparently using slightly stale tortillas to get like crunchier chips. So you get the texture of that, you get the sour cream, the refried beans, and also just like lots of cheese." [27:10]

Main Course

• [35:33–39:19]
  • Chooses chili paneer—Indo-Chinese fusion dish, fried cheese cubes in a spiced sauce, with jasmine rice. Discusses the importance of texture (crispy outside, juicy inside), and nostalgic food runs on London’s Ealing Road.
  • Nikesh: "Good chili paneer has, like, the right combination of...the spices that you'll find in chaat...with Chinese spices as well." [35:33]

Side Dish

• [44:26–46:15]
  • Recommends okra fries from Bombay Spice in Kingsbury—light, crispy, highly seasoned, “like crack.”
  • Anecdotes of sending his dad for takeout, and the almost inevitable “tax” of fries going missing en route.
  • Nikesh: "My mum will be like, where's dad? ...He's been sent to get the...okra fries." [44:31]

(Bonus!) For the Table

• [52:46–53:56]
  • Honorable mention: his mum’s samosa chaat, a dish assembled with samosas, chutneys, sev, and herbs—the ritual being as important as the taste.

Drink

• [54:25–55:34]
  • Initially wants chai (“smells of home”), but after a recent visit to Dishoom’s Permit Room, upgrades to a chai espresso martini—coffee, spice, and a caffeine shot for new-dad energy. Praises its balance and rich foam.

Dessert

• [62:37–66:33]
  • At his wedding, chocolate samosas (filled with Nutella and served with ice cream) were a hit.
  • But in dreamland? Chocolate samosas with magic mushrooms (psychedelic, not culinary)—inspired by a friend’s story, “with a responsible adult present,” ideally the Genie or Simon Amstell.
  • Nikesh: “You get all the delight of chomping off the corners off a samosa and the texture of that, but basically filled with Nutella.” [63:07]
  • Sparks a whole riff about drugs in food, portion control, and who in his family would “hack it.” James gleefully threatens to send mushroom-takers to the Priory after the meal.

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Cultural and Comic Sidetracks

• Pokémon Go Crew Confessions:

  • [30:33–34:34]
    Nikesh, James, and Ed swap stories about their Pokémon Go playing days, cult-like group chats, raids at Brockwell Park, and the game’s ever-morphing complexity (“London’s changed”).
  • James: "You can never catch them all because they're constantly releasing new ones." [33:38]

• On Starstruck, Wedding Attire, and Indian Formalwear:

  • [36:39–42:23]
  • Comparing forgiving Indian wedding suits (drawstrings, loose fits) to the pressure of Western-tailored suits. Amusing speculation about wearing Indian outfits to Ed’s very-white family wedding.
  • Nikesh: “Indian formal wear is very forgiving...You just slip into this garment. Pull the drawstring until it fits around your waist...” [39:59]

• Parenthood, Pregnancy, and Social Faux Pas:

  • [47:30–51:04]
  • James shares (boasts) about blurting out Nikesh’s wife’s pregnancy at Glastonbury—how he “figured it out,” proud of his deduction, despite the major social no-no.

• Drug Desserts and the "Genie as Trip Sitter”:

  • [63:46–67:38]
  • Speculation on safely dosing mushroom samosas for wedding guests, the risks of drug-laced treats, and which of Nikesh’s parents could handle a trip.
  • James: “If you were like someone said, you've had too many of those, you go, don't worry. The genie's here.” [65:20]
  • Simon Amstell is magicked in as a responsible psychedelic chaperone.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Hunted Failures
  • Ed Gamble: “Barely saw him on the show…no spoilers, but, you know, he didn’t get very far.” [05:14]
• On Okra Fries
  • Nikesh Patel: “There’s a place called Bombay Spice in Kingsbury that does okra fries that are like crack because they’re so... Moorish...” [44:31]
• On Pokémon Go Denial
  • James Acaster: “You can never catch them all because they're constantly releasing new ones.” [33:38]
• On Magic Mushroom Samosas
  • Nikesh Patel: “Dream version, it tastes delicious. You get a little buzz. You might see…”
  • James Acaster: “If you were like someone said, you've had too many of those, you go, don't worry, the genie's here.” [65:20]
• On Sharing Samosas with Parents
  • Nikesh Patel: “I think a very gentle dose...” [69:35]
• Summing Up the Dream Meal
  • James Acaster: “Would you like still water with a long-sliced cuke…roti canai from Penang…chilaquiles…a generous portion of chili paneer…okra fries from Bombay Spice… chai flavored espresso martini…magic mushroom chocolate samosas…” [72:33]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Intro + Genie Metacommentary → [07:02]
• Hunted stories/debacle → [09:40–15:27]
• Water with 'long bendy cuke' → [15:31–18:13]
• Bread: Roti Canai & Malaysian memories → [22:11–25:38]
• Starter: Chilaquiles & Mexico trip → [26:07–28:13]
• Pokémon Go digression → [30:33–34:34]
• Main Course: Chili Paneer & Wedding-wear → [35:33–42:23]
• Side: Okra Fries & Parental food rituals → [44:26–46:15]
• Samosa Chaat (bonus for table) → [52:46–53:56]
• Drink: Chai Espresso Martini → [54:25–55:34]
• Dessert: Magic Mushroom Chocolate Samosas → [62:37–66:33]
• Outro summary + Menagerie of drug chat → [67:07–73:34]

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Episode Essence & Tone

• The conversation is cheeky, warm, and rapid-fire; hosts and guest tease each other mercilessly while sharing genuine food expertise and world-spanning stories.
• Nikesh comes across as thoughtful and self-deprecating, unafraid to poke fun at himself, whether talking about failing on Hunted, his vegan-to-veggie journey, or curiosity about psychedelics.
• James and Ed’s banter is especially sharp with recurring callbacks (e.g., “I figured it out” for his pregnancy guess, and riffing on the Pokémon Go “crew”).

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For the Listener: Why Tune In?

This episode is for Off Menu fans and newcomers alike, blending food nerdery, pop culture, and personal mishaps. You’ll laugh at Nikesh’s tales of international shoots, nod at his Penang and Wembley foodie recs, wince at social gaffes, and maybe wonder what your own genie might look like. Whether you’re here for culinary inspo, comedic camaraderie, or to just escape into a magical (and occasionally chemically-enhanced) restaurant, this one’s bursting with flavor.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[James Acaster]

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[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to the off menu podcast. Cooking the apples of conversation, Adding the sugar of humor. Why are you laughing?

[James Acaster]

Because there's a fizzy apple drink on the table.

[Ed Gamble]

Apple crumble, is it?

[James Acaster]

No, but I just think you've looked at the.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, well, how else am I gonna do it? Yeah, we're on episode like hundreds and hundreds. Yeah, hundreds and thousands. That's a good one. Anyways, apple crumble, that is Head gamble.

[James Acaster]

My name is James D. Gaster. Together we own a dream of sale.

[Ed Gamble]

You spoiled the surprise.

[James Acaster]

Now every single week we invited against

[Ed Gamble]

we don't have an apple crumble on the table.

[James Acaster]

And we ask them their favorite ever start, make or dessert side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week, our guest is Nikesh Patel.

[Ed Gamble]

Nikesh Patel is a wonderful actor, James. He's been in many, many brilliant things.

[James Acaster]

Starstruck.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Wonderful series. And also he was on the run against us in Hunted. Not as an actor, as himself.

[Ed Gamble]

As himself. He was on the run same series as us in hun. That will come up.

[James Acaster]

I. I should think so.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I should think so. That was. We never got to see Nikesh because he was. He had Covid at the start.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And so joined the game later. Once he was, he got the all clear.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then we never saw him after that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So him after that. Barely saw him on the show, to be honest.

[James Acaster]

Barely saw him on the show. No spoilers. But, you know, he didn't get very far.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm sure he's going to love that, being brought up.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's hope that he lasts Longer on this show. And we don't have to kick him out early. If he chooses the secret ingredient. Of course.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Because of course we have a little secret ingredient. And if they pick the secret ingredient, then there's. Bye bye. Now,

[James Acaster]

this week, the secret ingredient is Hunter.

[Ed Gamble]

Hunter's chicken.

[James Acaster]

We're not letting them forget.

[Ed Gamble]

No. Hunter's chicken. They always used to have it in pubs, certainly when I was a student.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

In the Hogshead. We used to go to the Hogshead in Durham regularly and eat dinner. And Hunter's chicken, of course, Chicken breast, bacon, cheese, smothered in barbecue sauce.

[James Acaster]

Smothered in barbecue sauce. So much of it. And it tastes disgusting.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Don't like it. Don't like barbecue sauce. Really.

[James Acaster]

Not especially not in that volume.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You were saying earlier it's too sweet. That too sweet. It's way too sweet even for a sweet tooth such as myself.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

I remember first reading it on a menu, Hunter's chicken, and thinking, that sounds delicious. I can't wait. I've hit the jackpot. One bite was like, oh, God, this is gonna be a slog.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

They get through this entire Hunter's Chicken. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You're having pudding at the same time, basically.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Really did not like it. So actually, even though this just ties in with hunted, we genuinely don't like

[Ed Gamble]

this as well because hunted, hunters and chicken. Nikesh was a chicken on hunted.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

We did it.

[Ed Gamble]

We got him plenty to talk to Nikesh about. So I think we should just get on with it.

[Nikesh Patel]

James.

[James Acaster]

Yes. Please.

[Ed Gamble]

This is the off menu menu of Niksh Patel. Welcome, Nikesh, to the dream restaurant.

[Nikesh Patel]

Thank you.

[James Acaster]

Welcome, Nikesh Patel to the dream restaurant with me.

[Ed Gamble]

It's been you for some time.

[Nikesh Patel]

Thank you. Before we kick off, actually, because you've been playing this character for a while while now.

[Ed Gamble]

Great.

[Nikesh Patel]

I'd like to interrogate your process when it comes to playing the genie. You know, obviously a figure that's steeped in like, Islamic folklore and mythology. Uh. Oh. So what? Like, you know, I've been. And I've been tracking what you've done with the genie over several episodes. Tell me where you're at with the genie now.

[James Acaster]

Guess. You know, the longer you play a character, the more that the lines between you and the character can kind of blur a little bit.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And there's some. Some elements of the genie now that way. More like me in real life and some elements of my real life that are more like the genie, I guess.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Okay, interesting. So because. Yes. Bold choice to go I'm going to be the genie and he's going to. He's going to sound like he's from Kettering.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

And a lot like me.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But do you feel like the adherence to the genie's Islamic background has come to the fore or. Or fallen into the background?

[James Acaster]

I think you can see it in certain episodes. It's more prominent.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah. So people, about this episode, do you think, well, we're preempting.

[James Acaster]

You just did it. But, like, you know, I guess I'm definitely feeling defensive of my background as a genie.

[Nikesh Patel]

Good. Just, you know, just to mull over. Look, I've not come up before, actually,

[James Acaster]

and I appreciate you bringing it up.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, what is it? Because this is a podcast. What does your. What does your genie look like?

[James Acaster]

Me?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, also. Also we would. We would put this onto you as the guest, because this is obviously the dream restaurant, so the restaurant can look like however you like it. Yeah. But then also it's. The genie appears to you as you would want the genie to appear to you. So what. What features would you say James has as a genie?

[Nikesh Patel]

I think, having listened. Thank you, James. To kind of unpacking your process for me, I think the genie looks very much like James with blue skin.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. It's clearly a Disney. It's a Disney vibe.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Pretty Disney, I think.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

If you want to give yourself any. I would actually shy away from giving yourself any facial hair or, you know, because then it would. Then we're tiptoeing into, like, cultural appropriation. I think it's just a blue.

[James Acaster]

You sure?

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And I can't really grow a mustache anyway. I tried to grow a mustache on the run when Ed and I did Hunted. Have you heard of that show?

[Nikesh Patel]

I have heard of that show. You know full well I've heard of that show.

[James Acaster]

I imagine you've watched more episodes than you've been in.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Strawberry Me Advertiser]

Woo.

[Nikesh Patel]

Okay, here we go. Ginny. Swinging back. Same series as us, allegedly.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

We never met on Hunted, did we? No.

[James Acaster]

You had the Rona.

[Nikesh Patel]

I had the Rona, which, when they did, finally figure out how to get my ass into the game, until we eventually kind of reunited and then we got caught.

[James Acaster]

So you were isolating for most of it.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then you got caught immediately.

[Ed Gamble]

So my favorite thing in the whole series is obviously you're, like, raring to go. You're, like, doing all these. Doing all these pieces to camera, being like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna outfox the Hunter.

[Nikesh Patel]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm gonna be the best person on the run ever. And then it cuts to you. You leave your flat, you go straight to the tube and use your bank card to my.

[Nikesh Patel]

In my defense, and it's a meager defense because that was a pretty dumb thing to do. But, like, I feel like I got. I got slightly better as I progressed. Also, I was the only person who I think has had to start the game of hunted. Basically, like, waiting for. Waiting for a test to say that they're negative for them.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm the only person who's had to start a game of Hunted. From your own.

[Nikesh Patel]

From my own flat.

[Ed Gamble]

From your own flat with all these.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. She might get some backup. It's unusual that she's playing the game on her own. Who could the backup be and where might they be coming from? So, yeah, not my. Not my finest hour, but, hey, made for vaguely entertaining television.

[James Acaster]

It was entertaining. How did you get caught again?

[Nikesh Patel]

We got caught waiting at a hotel in Birmingham. Because this is one of the things. I think you guys, like, ran into this as well. They give you all of these, like, challenges and rules and restrictions which are really fun to play, but they don't explain them to the audience. So the audience just think that you're constantly. I mean, in my case, I did make some. You know, I tapped in at my local station. That wasn't the smartest thing to do. But at times when you are trying to be a bit more savvy and go like, right, we're on the run. But. Which was true in our case. My wife had to be on live TV. 10pm in London, 9pm in London that night. And we'd planned this whole thing about how we could make it back to London. Obviously, that. That goes down the toilet because you don't know where you're going to be. And then eventually we got caught because we. We were like, we're running out of options. We're just gonna need the producers on Nick's job to call us a cab. And I said, maybe we shouldn't use our burner phones. Maybe we should ask the hotel to make that call. And I'm gonna go on record and say that I was overruled. And we used our burner phones, which they'd. You know, I've forgotten all the weird acronyms that they have. But they were listening, guys. Yeah, but we were out. We nearly made it, but we were out by five minutes. And then the hunters caught up to us. Before that, our producer director person had said Just have a chat about what happens if it gets tasty, what you can do. And Nick was like, well, one of us has got to try and win it. So we split. So when we got caught, I legged it down a main road in Birmingham, going, sweaty brown man with a backpack on, running down the high street in Birmingham. This doesn't look suspicious at all. And then basically jumped into the back of a. A white van with, like, two bald white guys working. And I was like, I mean, it feels like I'm turning this. Hold on.

[James Acaster]

You know these. These men?

[Nikesh Patel]

No.

[James Acaster]

Just jumped in there.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Demographically, you wouldn't fancy my chances. But I jumped onto this van and just went, like, explained. Look, guys, have you seen Hunted?

[James Acaster]

My.

[Nikesh Patel]

My girlfriend, she then was. Has been. Just been caught. Luckily, they knew the show and they were like, yeah, wait here, we've got to drop something off at work, but we'll, like, you know, we'll. You can stow away in here and then we'll take you. And then I was looking around this van while I was sort of, like, trying not to hyperventilate, and it was like, oh, these are. This is all paraphernalia that you'd see on a TV set. The van that I happened to have found, they worked in crew and they were working on a Netflix TV show that they just happened to be filming in Birmingham.

[James Acaster]

You got a part in it?

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, no part.

[Ed Gamble]

And that's what you're here to promote.

[Nikesh Patel]

Did mean that they were like, all right, well, come to. You. Come to, like, the prop store, basically. And they gave me, like, some. Pretty like that. Got a new backpack with some stuff in it.

[James Acaster]

But, I mean, you should have won.

[Nikesh Patel]

No, I got caught eight hours later. So, you know, I think.

[James Acaster]

But loads of other people have been caught by then, Right?

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, no, I think we were the first.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, yeah, you were.

[Nikesh Patel]

Which when. When. I'm not gonna lie, when Nick found out that we hadn't outlasted you two specifically, she was livid. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

You know, throwing your shoes out the window and basically saying, like, we went. Get me.

[Ed Gamble]

We went to stay at the house of some other people who were on the run that had CCTV outside the house.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. And they didn't catch us then. Yeah, I checked my shoes out with a smart move.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that was in Birmingham.

[James Acaster]

In case they. Because they might have bugged the shoes. Yeah, fine.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, that was hard to live down.

[Ed Gamble]

Everyone got caught on that series, though.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Clean, sweet.

[Ed Gamble]

No one made it out. We were all too thick.

[James Acaster]

Bobby Siegel.

[Nikesh Patel]

Bobby Siegel, I thought, might give them, you know, he's a sort of. Yeah, I thought you might give them the slip. But I feel like, hey, I'm going to say I feel like this was the season that we were like, no one's getting on that chopper.

[James Acaster]

No, we always start with still or sparkling water.

[Nikesh Patel]

Nikesh have a preference, I think, because there's quite a lot of spice in my overall menu. I'm gonna go still, but to posh it up a bit, I'm gonna go with cucumber but like sliced long. Do you know what I mean? So you get those. Yeah, so like a nice, nice refreshing.

[James Acaster]

How long?

[Nikesh Patel]

Length of the length of the cuke?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, you're sort of limited. You're limited by the length of the cuke, aren't you?

[James Acaster]

But how long is this cuke? Cause, like, you know.

[Nikesh Patel]

All right, Jeannie, get me, like, get me a cuke that's long enough that if you do one slice, it'll fit into one of those, like 1 liter bottles, but still within enough space that you get a decent serving of water.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, okay.

[Ed Gamble]

That's quite a long cuke. We're talking long cuke.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Well, here. Arsen. I'm into it, so. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Are you thinking it's easy to slice it like a completely straight cuke? Because I've found it's difficult to find a long cuke that doesn't have a bend.

[Nikesh Patel]

But surely if you're like, if, if you're. If you're using like a peeler to get the slice, then the bend doesn't matter because you just work around the bend.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. You've got to have pretty delicate touch to work around the bend and get. Get a. A thickness that's consistent. You've got to have the hands of a surgeon.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I think that's something. Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Are you preparing this cuke?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Do you back yourself to navigate a. Yeah, a bendy.

[James Acaster]

Well, I do have magical powers, so I can. I can navigate.

[Nikesh Patel]

I'm sort of relying on them, you know, without getting ahead of myself. I'm sort of relying on your magical powers for this. For this meal. So, yeah, long bendy cuke.

[James Acaster]

Got steady hand.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Nice long slice.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Bosh that in there. How.

[Ed Gamble]

How good are you as a genie doing that? Could you do a loop de loop in the cuke to cuke?

[James Acaster]

I could do a cute. To cuke and loop the loop. Very easy.

[Nikesh Patel]

What's happening?

[Ed Gamble]

Just trying to have a laugh.

[Nikesh Patel]

Just trying to have a laugh.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Long bendy cube to keep.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Water, please.

[Ed Gamble]

Nice.

[James Acaster]

I could do that. It's hard, though.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Because when you do the loop, you do have to kind of change the angle of your wrist, and then you're coming up through the cuke and end up kind of wearing it like a bracelet. Yeah, but that's my problem. Yeah. Yeah. I've already peeled it. You've got your slice that you need.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then I've just got to figure

[Nikesh Patel]

out how to disentangle because now I'm trapped.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you want it in the bottle then, rather than in the glass?

[Nikesh Patel]

In the bottle.

[Ed Gamble]

In the bottle, yeah. So that's another tricky thing to do.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Is getting it in there on, you know, in one piece.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You're gonna have to do it like shipping a bottle.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, I'm into it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Pull a string and then it becomes a cuke again.

[Nikesh Patel]

Also, like, I don't think.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

I don't need to know, like, the work that's gotten gone into it. Do you know what I mean?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

I just. I just need it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So you won't. You wouldn't ask any questions if that bottle arrives on the table?

[Nikesh Patel]

No. I'm looking at that cake in there, Jeannie. Is that, like. I don't. I don't need you to tell me how hard it was.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Just to be like, here you go.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

And then if I'm interested, I'd be like, oh, that's a long, bendy slice of cuke. How did you get it in that narrow necked bowl?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Sometimes I think when they come and they tell you what they've done with the dish beforehand, it can make it taste worse. Because they go like, we did all of this. You go, wow, that sounds incredible.

[Nikesh Patel]

And then you tap it in.

[James Acaster]

You're like, taste it. And go. Doesn't really?

[Ed Gamble]

You two are mad.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Not always.

[Ed Gamble]

I love hearing about it. The idea that someone comes in, Let me take you through how I made this, and you'll go, no, piss off. I don't need the sausages made. I came here to eat this dinner.

[James Acaster]

I don't know why we're suddenly two old men with a cold.

[Nikesh Patel]

That's the vibe I'm getting in the Muppets. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. We're just saying, look, I do like being told about it, but sometimes they tell you about it and it sounds better than it actually is. And you think, Joe, what? I think if they hadn't told me about this particular one, I would have

[Ed Gamble]

enjoyed it more if they just said, it's just microwave yeah, we just microwave.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Not the cucumber. That'd be weird.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't microwave. Yeah, yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

And horribly.

[James Acaster]

You asking for trouble.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

If I gave you a cuke and a microwave and what's the say? It's a challenge.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

How long do you think you can microwave it for? Yeah, if you've got to choose it, you've got to choose how long it's in there before you put it in.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You got to choose how long you want.

[Nikesh Patel]

How long the cucumber can last in the microwave. Is that a challenge?

[James Acaster]

Before all hell breaks loose.

[Nikesh Patel]

Flipping egg.

[James Acaster]

I.

[Nikesh Patel]

Are we taking from like the first. You know, when you get that first, it's like before then. Or, or we talking like full blown dripping.

[James Acaster]

You've got to clean the whole thing.

[Nikesh Patel]

The glass kind of.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Full, slimer.

[Nikesh Patel]

I don't know, man.

[Ed Gamble]

Any opportunity.

[James Acaster]

It's my brother from another movie.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Got a rep. You going back? You doing more?

[James Acaster]

I, I, I hope so.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, me too.

[James Acaster]

But as far as I know.

[Nikesh Patel]

No. No. Yeah. We don't know. No, that's not enough. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

No, I haven't heard anything.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Be awful. If it's the one that ended the entire franchise would be.

[Nikesh Patel]

You could have like, like Snow White has made Disney go. Actually, we're not going to do any more live action. Yeah, you could be, you could be doing that for.

[James Acaster]

I could be there.

[Ed Gamble]

You're normally in the one before the.

[James Acaster]

Am I?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, Cinderella, not Disney, but you know, it's that sort of thing. You're in that and then Snow White and that ended it.

[Nikesh Patel]

I forgot, you're in Cinderella.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So there'll be a.

[James Acaster]

Kill that. No, I didn't kill that.

[Nikesh Patel]

No.

[James Acaster]

There's a lot of songs in Cinderella that the artists who wrote those songs have gone on to great things.

[Nikesh Patel]

They made quite a few Live action. Disney's offices. Because that was, that was, that was one that worked.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I don't know if it was Disney though, that one. It was Sony.

[Nikesh Patel]

Was it Sony?

[James Acaster]

I'm a Sony boy.

[Nikesh Patel]

You're so. Yeah, sorry.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Sony.

[Ed Gamble]

You're committed to the brand.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Commit to Sony. If you, if the Sony. If anyone listening.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Spin off, please.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Lars Pinfield or John the Mouse. Spin off. Or both. Playbook.

[Nikesh Patel]

Multiverse.

[James Acaster]

Where multi. Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

They both just get to hang out.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I can be the mouse and be Lars Pinfield.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Scientist. He's a parabolist.

[Nikesh Patel]

Great. Microwave cucumber, I'm gonna say because there's a lot of water in those boys. I'm gonna say like 50 seconds and it's gonna get by then it's gonna be hectic.

[James Acaster]

Is it a coincidence you've chosen in the same amount of time you lasted on hunting,

[Ed Gamble]

took so long to get?

[Nikesh Patel]

Very good.

[James Acaster]

Brilliant, mate, thank you.

[Ed Gamble]

Give me that.

[Nikesh Patel]

Nice one, James. Bread, I think. Yeah, I'll go bread, but I'm going to go for a specific because there's lots of like. There's lots of like nice breads from like the subcontinent that I could go for. But actually the bread I want to go for. Have you guys had roti canai from Malaysia?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Nikesh Patel]

So I got the chance to live out in Penang. Amazing foodie spot because I was filming there for two years when we filmed a show called Indian Summers. And the food there was great because you got Indian influences, Chinese influences, ethnic Malay influences, something called Nyonya cuisine, which is great. And Roti Chennai is basically like a version of a roti or a paratha, but it's more like crepe. Like it's like really buttery. Great for. You know. I'm a big fan of using bread to just like mop up whatever's. Whatever's going around. So my bread is going to be roti chanai.

[James Acaster]

That does sound great.

[Ed Gamble]

And it like comes with like a.

[Nikesh Patel]

Normally, like normally you have it as like, like with a. With a dish. So you know, like a. Like a rendang.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Or. But yeah, if you can't get Penang, roti, Chennai, then yeah, there's some good spots you can get it in London. There's actually one really near us in northwest London called Jolly J O L I and they're often at. They do market stops as well. So they'll do like Borough Market and stuff. Their roti tonight is really good. Their vegan rendang is banging, but yeah, good for just mopping up whatever's going.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a great. It's a great shout. There's a cafe in Soho. I can't remember what it's called.

[Nikesh Patel]

Is it CP or something like that?

[Ed Gamble]

Is that one of those downbrand the alleyway?

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that.

[Ed Gamble]

I had Rossi Chennai there. Yeah, that's fantastic. Yeah, yeah. Recommended to me by Rose Mattefeo.

[Nikesh Patel]

Here we go. Yeah, Rose loves that place.

[Ed Gamble]

Your co star in Starstruck. Yeah, there you go.

[Nikesh Patel]

In fact, I've been there once with her because we. We went to see Rose do like a. She did a Q and A of at the Prince Charles and then we went for. Yeah, so she Knows it's good stuff there.

[Ed Gamble]

Huge shout out. Yes, I think it's CP Cafe. I think it's.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

CNR Cafe. Thank you.

[James Acaster]

Any Panang adventures that you can tell us about?

[Nikesh Patel]

Just like what I'm. What a mad. One of the big challenges of filming what Indian summers was. The show takes is set in a hill station in India, which the reason why it was so popular for the British to govern from there was because it was nice and cool in the summer, hence the name. You go to the hill station in the summer, you get away from the heat down below. But for various reasons, when they're scouting the location for like where would have the infrastructure to support a six month shoot where they needed enough period detail, blah, blah, blah. They settled on Penang, which had a lot of its own colonial pasta. A lot of suitable buildings, but the climate's quite different. So it's humid. The start and the end of the shoot because we're there like April till October. You got a lot of rainy season. But yeah, some of them, most of the mad mishaps that I can remember are like, you'd be sweltering and going like, I really need to. Really need a green room where I can just sit and like fan myself. And then there'll be a kindly like Malay member of crew saying like, oh, you can't go in there. And you'd be like, why can't I go in there? And it's like, there's a, there's a scorpion in there and be like, okay, I'll stay here. I'll stay, I'll stay here. Just the kind of stuff that sort of makes you, makes you realize that actually when we, when we whinge about, you know, stuff not working over here, it's like, well, it's not a pit viper, you know.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, sure.

[James Acaster]

No pit vipers on the starstruck set.

[Ed Gamble]

No, that's a good catchphrase for life, I think.

[Nikesh Patel]

No pit vipers allowed.

[Ed Gamble]

If anything happens in your life that's bad, you go, well, it's not a pit viper.

[James Acaster]

Not a pit viper. Yes, it is.

[Nikesh Patel]

It's also like if it feels like. Yeah, exactly. It feels like an extension of like got no rule. No pit vipers allowed.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, no pit vipers.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

We'll start your dream menu proper now. Yes, the dream starter.

[Nikesh Patel]

Dream starter. I don't know why, even though I understand what I'm. What what a meal is and how menus.

[Ed Gamble]

It's good to know at the top.

[James Acaster]

It doesn't sound confident about it, but

[Nikesh Patel]

for some, more confident than I was, I promise. But for some reason, every time I thought of starter, I just, I just thought of like breakfast food. Do you know what I mean? Something. And something really like, comforting that chilaquiles from Mexico. There's something about, just like I went on a trip with my girlfriend about like three. She was my girlfriend then. I'm just gonna keep saying this. She's my wife now, guys.

[Ed Gamble]

I think you just gotta, you gotta switch to wife with my wife. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You've been married. Wow. This isn't a new thing.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, that's true, that's true.

[Ed Gamble]

But it is like, because you're thinking she was your girlfriend then, but now she's your wife.

[James Acaster]

Exactly. What's the worst that's going to happen in the story? Are we going to go, aha, you've been married longer than you say, by

[Nikesh Patel]

the end of the show, be like, she's not my wife anymore?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

What a dessert.

[Nikesh Patel]

Well, yeah. What's a divert? Yeah, chilaquiles. Yeah, Something about the, like, we were on this trip and we were, we were because we were trying to see as much of Mexico as possible. So we like landed in Mexico City where you get the kind of like cool hipster y version of it. And there's something about the combination of all the flavors of like, apparently using slightly stale tortillas to get like crunchier chips. So you get the texture of that, you get the sour cream, the refried beans, and also just like lots of cheese. Yeah, there's something. Chilaquiles is my, is my start.

[James Acaster]

So what is a chilla key? Like, I don't think I've got, I've got it in my head proper.

[Nikesh Patel]

So like they, they bake, I believe they bake tortillas and then, and then break them up into chips. Over that you serve refried beans, sour cream, lots of herbs, load of cheese. If you're so inclined, you can have fried eggs on top and you just chow down on that.

[Ed Gamble]

I do feel I am inclined.

[James Acaster]

I'm sorry.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I'm so inclined.

[Nikesh Patel]

For anyone who's listening from Mexico, I do feel like I've, I've sort of just asked for the equivalent of like, oh, my start is going to be beans on toast. But it tastes delicious.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But in on the Mexican off menu, when a guest asked for beans on toast, everyone's like, whoa, nice.

[James Acaster]

Good choice.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Have we franchised this out? Is there a Mexican one that know about. Oh, I didn't know this. Yeah, didn't know there was a mexicanoff menu.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's pretty good. Wow.

[Nikesh Patel]

Intrigued to see what their genie's like.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, I would be intrigued to see it, actually. They basing it on me, if they do any.

[Nikesh Patel]

Do they do slightly more work to prepare. Prepare for them.

[James Acaster]

Well, I'd work.

[Ed Gamble]

He's done the work.

[James Acaster]

He's done the work. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He's been living this.

[James Acaster]

His character is just inside out. No one's ever caught me out. Do we have many listers in Mexico, Benito?

[Ed Gamble]

Because look it up.

[James Acaster]

He has the stats broken. Broken down.

[Ed Gamble]

This guy loves stats. You're gonna finally see him excited.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, come on, hit us with it.

[James Acaster]

He's gonna absolutely love it.

[Nikesh Patel]

Percentage of many listeners from Mexico.

[Ed Gamble]

From in Mexico who are in Mexico. Yeah, it's less than 1%, I think

[James Acaster]

I'm going to say 2%.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm going to say 0.5%.

[Nikesh Patel]

I'll say 0.9%.

[Ed Gamble]

I was going to go.

[Nikesh Patel]

I'm not holding it down.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

In Mexico.

[Ed Gamble]

A thousandth of our listenership is in Mexico. And a lot of those are going to be expats, aren't they?

[Nikesh Patel]

It's a growth area, guys. You got.

[Ed Gamble]

There'll just be people on spring break or something.

[James Acaster]

Can't believe this. I'm gutted to find out. That's quite.

[Ed Gamble]

Wish we hadn't booked an arena in Mexico now. Yeah, we have more listeners in Jersey. Good. Glad to hear it. That tracks great.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, Big up Jersey, if you're listening. Well, those chiliquilos sound very nice.

[Ed Gamble]

Are you inclined with. You're not inclined with the egg?

[Nikesh Patel]

I mean, I don't eat egg, but then I've been.

[Ed Gamble]

You shouldn't have egg on it, though.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, I don't eat egg, but. But I. No, I will have it if it's like in cake.

[James Acaster]

How come you okay?

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, it's a chiliquili on the top.

[Ed Gamble]

Who's. Who's having a bit of cake and going, oh, lovely egg.

[Nikesh Patel]

Lovely egg. You really taste the egg.

[Ed Gamble]

That would put me off cake.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

If I think about that, there's egg in it. That puts me off.

[Nikesh Patel]

Puts you off?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I'm like. It's supposed to be a sweet treat. What the hell's an egg doing?

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

He loves hatching eggs.

[Nikesh Patel]

Hatch. I love hatching eggs.

[James Acaster]

What does that mean, you love hatching, Ed? Hatching and catching.

[Nikesh Patel]

Oh, yeah, Here we. Yeah, okay. This is. James is talking about Pokemon Go, right? You familiar, Ed?

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, God, I've just remembered. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Nikos is in the crew.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm in the crew because I was like, oh, great, Nikosh is coming on. We can talk about Hunted and stuff. It's going to be really fun. We can talk about all his great work. And I've just remembered, you're in.

[Nikesh Patel]

The stupid Pokemon game was not the guest show. It was Ed having a shit fit about Pokemon Go.

[James Acaster]

No, I did went to Go Fest together.

[Nikesh Patel]

We did go to Go Fest together.

[James Acaster]

Brockwell Park.

[Nikesh Patel]

Full disclosure, I did message James last night on Signal because. Not because we're drug dealers, but you're

[Ed Gamble]

on the run again.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Pokemon Go crew, you don't want it traceable.

[James Acaster]

Spencer's quite paranoid about WhatsApp. So it works to be on Signal.

[Nikesh Patel]

Is that the reason?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Great.

[James Acaster]

Before you joined.

[Ed Gamble]

Of course.

[Nikesh Patel]

That makes sense. I basically went. I haven't played the game in about a year, but should I just get on it so that we can talk about it? Because it will wind up Ed. And you said, that's exactly the reason why I should do it. But it's indecipherable now. Like, I was sort of wandering around London Bridge going, the game's gone.

[Ed Gamble]

Why is it indecipherable?

[Nikesh Patel]

There's all this. Like, you don't care, but, like, there's. They've added loads of. Like, there's a Dynamax option where you can battle, like, giant Pokemon and it's a whole bolt onto the game.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Winds me up.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. So. But.

[James Acaster]

But then you do get a little. You get a little bear cupboard that's like, no Taekwondo. So I wanted to get.

[Ed Gamble]

So you guys are just walking around London going, london's change.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, pretty much.

[James Acaster]

All these Dynamax Pokemons are everywhere now.

[Nikesh Patel]

Exactly.

[James Acaster]

And if I want to get the

[Nikesh Patel]

little bear that knows about Dynamax Pokemon tomorrow.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Tweeting Sadiq, we're an island of strangers because of these Dynamax Pokemon.

[James Acaster]

I walked past someone on the tube the other day, a mum saying to her kid, well, welcome to Sadiq Khan's London. This is what it's like. I was like, it's been in charge for ages.

[Ed Gamble]

Also, you don't know. That woman wasn't being positive.

[James Acaster]

She wasn't.

[Nikesh Patel]

Were they playing Pokemon?

[James Acaster]

What she followed it up with was not positive.

[Ed Gamble]

That's funny to say that in a positive way to someone knows in it.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Welcome.

[James Acaster]

A positive utopia.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Love that.

[James Acaster]

You know she was claiming that nothing worked, even though currently everything was working.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And we were walking around and it was all fine.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

But that's not. That's. You know, that you can't moan about that. So.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

No. You've got to put poison into your

[Nikesh Patel]

games for this functioning lift.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. But, yeah, I mean, it is getting crazy now. Pokemon, because you're still pretty diehard, right? Well, I'm on the app pretty regularly, but, you know, I can't keep up with it all. Not.

[Ed Gamble]

Like, do you remember the plan you had, which you told me, which I think now looking back on it, was a way of playing Pokemon without seeming like a loser. Was that you were like, I'm gonna. He said, I'm gonna collect them all, and then I'm gonna hand over the whole app to my nephews and be like, I've done. I've done this for you. So he said it was like a present for his nephews. That was four years ago.

[James Acaster]

Do you have the nephews go. I don't know anymore. Yeah, I've lost. Kind of lost touch with them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. You never gave them the Pokemon.

[James Acaster]

I didn't have any interest after that. Yeah. I mean, it turns out you can never catch them all because they're constantly releasing new ones.

[Nikesh Patel]

Dynamax.

[James Acaster]

The Dynamax ones, for example.

[Nikesh Patel]

Just total waste of time. And also, I was lulled into thinking that the fun thing, Ed, was that we all got to walk around in a park playing Pokemon Go together. That doesn't happen every year. So they were like, where is it next year? And it's like, it's in Barcelona.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ed Gamble]

You guys could go to Barcelona.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. But it's a bit of a hard sell. It's like.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Especially with a kid.

[Ed Gamble]

Like, Pokemon. Vamos.

[James Acaster]

Can of Pokemon.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Very good.

[Nikesh Patel]

Can I go to Barcelona for the weekend? Is it for work? No. What's it for? Is to play Pokemon Go.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. With my crew.

[Ed Gamble]

With my poker crew.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Got to go with my crew. Got to go. Helen Bauer and Sakisa.

[Nikesh Patel]

Oh, yeah. God damn it.

[James Acaster]

We've all got to get on a plane together.

[Ed Gamble]

I just realize you're booking all of the members of the Pokemon crew for this podcast.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Had three people on it so far. Let's go from the crew.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Now it's harder to book the other ones because they're. They're not, like, in front of camera people. But, like, if we do start booking producers.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

And people who book live gigs.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

You know, they'd have to get the whole crew on if they're.

[Nikesh Patel]

If. Yeah. Because of the. Because of the nature of their work, they'd have to Be notorious in some way.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

My wife's not on the group anymore. Right.

[James Acaster]

She's on the group. She's just silent.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Because I've never been more proud of her.

[James Acaster]

Doesn't say anything on.

[Nikesh Patel]

But I mean, so, so, so am I. And that nowadays.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we all are really. Apart from B, who every now and again is going, anyone want to do a raid of me? And then they're putting nause in pretty

[Nikesh Patel]

bad, which I feel like is water off the duck's back.

[James Acaster]

Like, I think she follow up with a selfie of herself crying.

[Ed Gamble]

Pretending to cry.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah, there is that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Sorry.

[James Acaster]

Your dream main course.

[Nikesh Patel]

My dream main course is typically found in the starter section of the menu. But this is what I always used to do when I was a kid and we'd go out for food with my family is you'd go big on starters and get them to the table because the mains were bigger and heavier. My main course is gonna be like a generous portion of chili paneer. And good chili paneer has, like, the right combination of. Because, like, I think typically people think of paneer very much as like an Indian dish, which it is. But good chili paneer has a lot of like, a bit like what we're talking about with. With Penang, that. That fusion of Indian and Chinese flavors. So you get a mix of, like, the spices that you'll find in chaat. So like. Like amateur, like mango powder and all that kind of stuff with Chinese spices as well. And the texture is really important because the cheese itself is if it's. If it's fresh, it's nice and soft, but then you want to fry it so you get that crisp on the outside. I'm getting hungry now.

[Ed Gamble]

And then.

[Nikesh Patel]

And then, yeah, with. I'm just gonna say with like, nice jasmine rice. Big, generous portion. Now, like, you can. You could go. I've had really good chili paneer in. In Mumbai, obviously, because they, you know, you're close to source, but there's some good spots in, I'd say, like, northwest London, where I grew up. But like a good. Like, I wouldn't even say it's the best necessarily, but a really solid chili paneras on Ealing Road in Wembley, which is. You guys. Are you familiar with Ealing Road?

[James Acaster]

I don't think so.

[Nikesh Patel]

So, like, it's sort of like a sort of brick lane esque one road, loads of shops, big hub for. Particularly for the like, Gujarati community in London. Lots of people go there to pick up, like, wedding wear. So it's where my wife and I went to source a lot of our clothes for the wedding. But yeah, really good food. Food spots there as well.

[James Acaster]

Did you double up when you were doing the wedding shop?

[Nikesh Patel]

Were you like, oh, oh, I'll wear your suit.

[James Acaster]

Chili paneer.

[Nikesh Patel]

Oh, no, I thought you were gonna. Sorry, no, I'm misunderstood because when I came here, you asked about my jacket and I said I stole this off my wife. I thought you were gonna say, did we double up on clothes?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

No, no, no.

[James Acaster]

I was asking if you nice to

[Ed Gamble]

twin on your wedding day.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, very nice.

[Nikesh Patel]

Just make. Yeah, it's a great jacket. Thank you.

[James Acaster]

One of them looks like Ed.

[Nikesh Patel]

One of them looks like Ed.

[James Acaster]

There's people on the jacket. Just for the.

[Nikesh Patel]

There's people on. Yeah, I'm wearing a sort of like multicolored jacket.

[Ed Gamble]

This. This guy that looks like me a bit.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Not exactly Ed.

[Nikesh Patel]

Not exactly.

[Ed Gamble]

Not exactly me.

[Nikesh Patel]

I was gonna say he looks a bit like David Walliams, but I prefer. I prefer that he looks like you.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Sometimes with drawings of white guys, you can sort of squint and you can imagine any white guy on it.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And I'm one of those guys.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, you're one of those guys.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm default.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I'd add a bit of stand up about looking like the character on a computer game when you got

[Ed Gamble]

make your own character before you've added anything to it.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Like blank avatar kind of vibes.

[James Acaster]

He could be self deprecating. Yeah. You know, puts the audience at ease.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I think what James was asking was, did you have a chilly paneer when you were out picking wedding outfits?

[Nikesh Patel]

Yes. Oh, yeah. Like, was it the thing that before

[James Acaster]

you left the house or did you like mention it during.

[Nikesh Patel]

Oh, sometimes it'll be like. We'd both be like, oh, we should really do some like outfit shopping today. And it was clear that we probably weren't gonna find anything, but we would end up in usually Saccony's. Yeah. Just chowing down on chilli paner. So it was a good, good way to.

[Ed Gamble]

Are you trying outfits on before you eat?

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Crucial.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I think it is crucial, isn't it?

[Nikesh Patel]

But also like, at least for the guys anyway. This is why, like Indian formal wear is very forgiving. Because as long as you get it fitting on your shoulders down here. I mean, I don't know if you've ever tried on like the typical cotton Indian trousers, but there's some quite funny videos of people, like usually, you know, white people who going to their First Indian wedding, shout out white people.

[James Acaster]

Who.

[Nikesh Patel]

Who will hold up the trousers? And they're like, twice the width.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

That's basically because they're very. Like, they've got a drawstring in them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

So you just slip into that. Into this garment. Pull the drawstring until it fits around your waist, and then tie it up,

[Ed Gamble]

and then throughout the day, just keep loosening.

[Nikesh Patel]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I love.

[Nikesh Patel]

And then the top part is just. Yeah. As long as it fits you up top, then there's no. There's no constricting.

[James Acaster]

Right.

[Nikesh Patel]

Your belly.

[James Acaster]

I mean, sign me up for that. He's got a suit fitting soon, and he's. He's crapping his pants.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Because he doesn't want to eat. What. What was Benito suggested to you that you eat and you were. You would. Threw that back in his face. Bread and cheese.

[Ed Gamble]

No, but that's not. That's after. That's after.

[James Acaster]

But.

[Nikesh Patel]

Oh, is this. Is it like a posh dude that you're. You're.

[Ed Gamble]

It's my sister's wedding.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Coming up in August. Gonna have a suit made for it. I thought it was a nice excuse to have it. And it's gonna be hot, right?

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So I'm gonna get a linen suit made.

[Nikesh Patel]

Here's the thing. Your sister's wedding is in a hot country. No, no.

[Ed Gamble]

But I know what's gonna happen. It's in England, but I know it's gonna end up being boiling.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Could you go in an Indian outfit?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm not sure I could square it away, given it's my sister who is, you know, true to form, for the Gamble family. White.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Marrying a man who is white.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think there's going to be any members of the family there who are Indian, so I don't feel like I could.

[Nikesh Patel]

Fine.

[Ed Gamble]

If I rock, basically, I'm going to clash with anyone. I'm gonna have to do a lot of explaining if I turn up in an Indian wedding outfit.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, exactly. I'll come with you.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, you come with me, please.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. The optics of that would be weird, though, wouldn't it? It's just like, I'm not invited. Don't know anyone. Don't like not talking to anyone, but just by your side.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Okay, fair enough. But, you know, it's an option. Yeah, it does. It does mean that when you. It's very forgiving when you're stuffing your face.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

More comfortable to be in on the day.

[Nikesh Patel]

Do you get drawstring on the Linen trousers.

[Ed Gamble]

I'll ask the tailor.

[James Acaster]

Ask him to put it.

[Nikesh Patel]

What sort of suit? Are you allowed to tell me about your suit or is.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't really know yet. I'm going to go and chat to them about fabrics on Wednesday.

[Nikesh Patel]

I love that stuff.

[James Acaster]

He's got a tie that he has to wear, though.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

Specific tie. So he has to build the suit around the tie.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yes. Great. So it's like picking the color from the tie. Is that where we're going with it or you going?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but then the tie's like blue. But I really like that they've got a green linen in at the moment. That looks really nice.

[James Acaster]

Blue tie with a naked lady on it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Ooh la la.

[Nikesh Patel]

Not your forester.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Nikesh Patel]

That'd be weird.

[Ed Gamble]

Be weird if my sister was like, you and your brother. You and your brother have a wedding? That'd be funny as hell, though. I kind of respect it. She's like, you've got to wear a tie with a picture of me with a nude on it.

[James Acaster]

The way you turn up, he actually did it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, everyone. He actually did it.

[Nikesh Patel]

Psych.

[Ed Gamble]

Stop me.

[Nikesh Patel]

I'll just be there going, I did.

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[James Acaster]

Your dream side dish. I'm expecting this to be a main.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah, I'm. Yeah. Because I. Yeah, I. Or it is a. It's a side. It's a side okra fries. Yes. Specifically from. There's a place called Bombay Spice in Kingsbury that does okra fries that are like crack because they're so. It's like you've got to get the fry right. So it's light but crispy, but the seasoning is on point and they're so Moorish that it's completely impractical. But my. I'll go over to my parents for food and my. My mom will be like, where's dad? And he's like. He's. I've sent him to Kingsbury in traffic because this restaurant won't do, like, Deliveroo or any kind of delivery. And he's been sent to get the. Because also, you want them while they're hot to pick food up. So shout out dad for every time he's got to do that.

[James Acaster]

Run off your parents. Is your dad the softer touch? You know, you'll get him to go to Kingsbury, but your mum wouldn't do it.

[Nikesh Patel]

I wouldn't say he's the softer touch. I'd say, you know, he's got an incentive in that situation, which is he's getting aqua fries.

[Ed Gamble]

Now, what's the chances that your dad is eating some of the okra fries on the way home? Because.

[Nikesh Patel]

Extremely high.

[Ed Gamble]

Because if that's me, I'm going. Yeah, you got. I'm saying it out loud. You got to pay the piper.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

As I'm driving home.

[Nikesh Patel]

Oh, interesting.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm even getting an extra portion of okra.

[Nikesh Patel]

You know, that's exactly the phrase.

[James Acaster]

I'm getting two portions. I'm eating one on the way.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

What are you saying?

[James Acaster]

Pay the piper?

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah, no doubt. I think. Yeah. They're probably a little bit lighter than they should be when they come back.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

You know, smart move, because they get something for nothing.

[James Acaster]

That's so good.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Okra fries. Yeah. If they were easier to source, I would acquire a portion for you. But if you're ever in that neck of the woods, Bombay Spice.

[James Acaster]

We gotta visit your parents. Send your dad out for something.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I'll go in the car with him.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, Keep an eye on him.

[Ed Gamble]

Keep an eye on him. And I'll hold the okra fries on the way back.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Just I ain't paying the piper.

[Nikesh Patel]

I ain't paying you, Mr. Patel.

[James Acaster]

Piper.

[Ed Gamble]

Piper Patel.

[Nikesh Patel]

You'd have to address my Piper.

[James Acaster]

Are there other things when you visit your parents that like foods that you look forward to having nearby?

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, I mean, my. My mum's an incredible cook, so there's always something. Like her samosa chart's really good. Any, like, any curries that she makes? And because I grew up, I ate meat. I didn't eat beef, but I ate meat when I was growing up. And then I went vegan initially about eight years ago. And then I'd say I'm more veggie now. And then this new thing, which is now that I've got a one year old, I've decided it's really important not to waste any food. So if she doesn't have all of her fish fingers, then I might snaffle one. But, you know, that's fine.

[Ed Gamble]

James, Guest. Your baby.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Do you remember that?

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, it was quite aggressive. Nick made a point of saying, can you remind James that when we saw him at Glastonbury. So this is my favorite story. The situation is this. We were. We were at Glastonbury. Did. We had you and you and Nish had just done like a.

[James Acaster]

We just done a DJ set. We were pretty giddy.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that. And we're like, right, let's get some drinks. And Nick said, not for me. James just wandered straight over, got in her face and went pregnant.

[James Acaster]

I was right.

[Nikesh Patel]

You were right.

[Ed Gamble]

So proud of yourself, weren't you?

[James Acaster]

Really proud. Well, obviously you both laughed. It was such a rude thing to do. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And so people don't tell people for like loads of reasons.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And they want to keep it quiet.

[James Acaster]

It wasn't just the drink. There was enough things building up to it that I was like, this is definitely what's happening. And normally I would keep that to myself and then afterwards say to my partner, I think that person might be pregnant.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

No, you didn't do that.

[James Acaster]

I was on a high for the DJ set. Loads of drinking, me. And I was like, you're pregnant. And then you both laughed and went, yeah, but we haven't told anyone yet. And I went, nurse. I figured it out. And then the rest of the night.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I just kept on going up to you guys and pointing at myself and going, I figured it out.

[Nikesh Patel]

I figured it out.

[Ed Gamble]

Was that the night you met Andrew Garfield as well?

[James Acaster]

Maybe it might have been Garfield night. It was the same festival, definitely. It was the same weekend.

[Nikesh Patel]

Wasn't that when we ended up that evening at. That we ended up at one of the places, had like a salsa dancing competition, but it was also, like, so Latino. Yeah. Jesus. But like, really, like, really aggressively sexual salsa dancing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was where I figured it out.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Might have got pregnant. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So many people were pregnant that night.

[James Acaster]

We always go there to get the toucan girl cocktails. This cocktail is really strong. It's great. We just drink that all the time. I'd had enough of those to call out someone for being pregnant.

[Ed Gamble]

Call out.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, get back there. What was nice about it for me was that I really should have felt mortified that I'd done that. But I was just. I just felt so good all night.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

That I'd done it.

[Nikesh Patel]

It reacted like a competition winner.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I was like, it's the best thing. I figured it out.

[Ed Gamble]

And afterwards as well, to be fair, when you told me about it, it's not like he was ashamed of what he did.

[James Acaster]

So guess what? I figured it out.

[Nikesh Patel]

It's like the sort of best version of guess how many sweets in the jar.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. It was good. Because loads of times, you know, in life, you suspect that that might be happening.

[Ed Gamble]

Suspect.

[Nikesh Patel]

Do you? But I thought you said loads of times you point at a woman and shout, pregnant. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Sadly not.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But like, I'll.

[Ed Gamble]

It's the sort of terminology you're using.

[James Acaster]

Then I'll be like, I'm suspicious this person's pregnant.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But I'm like, well, I can't ask them. So it just has to be that when they announce it, then I have to be one of those people goes, yes, I knew. But like, people be like, yeah, as if you did. And you can't ever call it. You can't ever go, I feel like

[Nikesh Patel]

he's really using this. This episode to take his moment here. Yeah. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You can't ever say to someone you're, it is rude. It's awful thing to be doing that.

[Nikesh Patel]

Good.

[James Acaster]

But what a feeling to do it and be right. I loved it. It felt brilliant.

[Ed Gamble]

I guessed it.

[James Acaster]

I guessed it. I figured it out. I mean, how.

[Nikesh Patel]

I mean, how soon after it happened did he tell you? Did he text you that night?

[Ed Gamble]

No, I don't think so. I don't think so. I think it was a bit. A bit later on.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think he. I don't think he got it out there to the general public immediately.

[James Acaster]

No, I wasn't. I wasn't doing a PR campaign.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, you're lucky he's come off social media though, is what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Oh, it would have been straight on there. I would have done a selfie with us and then tweeted. I figured it out this week. Yeah, yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Or like, yeah, hatching. Hatching egg emoji.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. That could have been Pokemon though.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, true. Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

To be fair, people, obviously you and me together in the hatching eggs, I think they've been actually catching in Glastonbury.

[Ed Gamble]

That's what's going on.

[James Acaster]

Well, so, yeah, send my regards to Nick. So thank you. I regret nothing.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And send my regards as well. I have nothing to regret.

[Nikesh Patel]

No. She has very fond memories of. Where were you guys for? Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Shrewsbury Prison.

[Nikesh Patel]

We started prison because she was on her own and it's quite intense vibes in that. In. In.

[Ed Gamble]

Sure. A lot of different characters in there.

[Nikesh Patel]

A lot of different characters. A lot of different energies, apparently. Like the, the Speakmans in prison like cured Bobby Siegel of his fear of Marmite or something. Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

They didn't. He was being polite.

[Nikesh Patel]

He. Well, yeah, there's one way to find out.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Lure him on here and feed him Bobby Seagull on.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Got to get him on there.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. That's a no brainer. But other Speakman's copy pants.

[Nikesh Patel]

But yeah, Speakmans would be off many gold.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's. I'd say having dinner with the Speakmans is the most I've ever laughed.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Great.

[Ed Gamble]

Truly.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

A lot of really great. We won't tell any of them, spoil them in case we do get them on. But yeah, some of the best shit your pants stories. The stories about themselves really good. I think that that side dish sounds great.

[Nikesh Patel]

Great.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. You're hitting. You're hitting a lot of great things for me here.

[Nikesh Patel]

Good.

[Ed Gamble]

The chili paneer, incredible.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Okra fries heaven.

[James Acaster]

And even just a shout out to samosa chart. I find that I love samosa charts.

[Nikesh Patel]

And the best thing about samosa chart as well is like it's almost like a ritual of assembling it because there are so many bits. You've got samosas, you've got all the different sauces. You've got the sev, which is like the savory kind of grain stuff. All the herbs, all the chutneys.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

My. I mean like anyone who prepares it well, my mum insists on doing all of the steps to get and which totally worth it because then you get. You got all that color, all that texture, all that flavor.

[Ed Gamble]

Should we have some of those for the table. Are we allowed to do that in the dream restaurant? We've never done it before.

[James Acaster]

I got overruled by you and rylan on the 200th episode when I was trying to order stuff for the table. You were adamant especially that I couldn't do that.

[Ed Gamble]

It's because it's something that you wanted.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And you do that. You do that in real life in restaurants as well.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Can that be. Can that be an Honorable Mansion?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Some acid chart for the table.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But I think we upgrade it from Honorable Munchen. Which means. Because Honorable mansion means you don't get it.

[Nikesh Patel]

Oh, okay.

[Ed Gamble]

But for the table.

[Nikesh Patel]

Let's get them out.

[James Acaster]

I'd like some.

[Ed Gamble]

Do the hand movement.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Huh?

[Ed Gamble]

Do the hand movement for the table.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, no, no. You don't. You do something different when you say for the table.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Right?

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Good. Really detailed character.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, but that's like. That's just. That's just me. My real.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

My normal life.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Your dream drink.

[Nikesh Patel]

So it was gonna be chai.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Nikesh Patel]

Just cuz I love it. And there's some. And also like, there's something really, really like it smells of home. You know, it smells of home specifically being like. Like it was a smell that kind of crept upstairs when I was. When I was. When I live with my parents. But recently I was at the shoom. Have opened up permit room which is like, sort of like a restaurant, but it's also got like a club vibe. And their rooms, you can stay upstairs. And they've just opened up one. Yeah, it's very cool. In Portobello and they had a chai flavored espresso martini. Whoa. So I'm getting one of them.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. That's my drink.

[James Acaster]

When did you have this?

[Nikesh Patel]

I had it on Thursday.

[James Acaster]

So this is fresh.

[Ed Gamble]

You're still awake from then.

[Nikesh Patel]

Still awake, yeah. But also like new dad. It's a no brainer drink, you know, like where most people are going like, oh, I mustn't. Because it all rev me up. I'm like, no, this is. This will keep me functioning.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

So yeah, the. The Chai Espresso Martini is my drink.

[James Acaster]

And what's the. Because I've never had this. What's the balance of. Like, how are they. The balance in the flavor. I didn't.

[Nikesh Patel]

To be fair, I didn't. I didn't see them mix it up. But you can get. So I imagine there's something about using. Almost using the masala is like a. Like a seasoning, but, like, what goes into chai masala. And it's one of the things I did when I was bored during lockdown because I was like, sourdough. Sounds like way too much effort. But I can. I can whiz a bunch of whole spices up. But there's. You got, like, stuff like cardamom, cinnamon, and then a lot of the, like, pepperier tastes. Is that word? I don't know. And then some people add, like, rose petals. So, like, the main thing is you want a nice. You want. Yeah, A lot of it's for smell as well as taste. Yeah. Chai Espresso Martini is my drink.

[Ed Gamble]

It sounds like a great way to upgrade the espresso martini.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because of it. The drink. But like, sometimes, especially because they're so popular now, sometimes you can have one and you're like, yeah, I can taste a coffee. This is going to keep me awake, but a little bit, like, watery or.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Oh, God. You can get some really ripey ones.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You want it to have that thick mouth feel.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And you want the good. The good foam on the top.

[Nikesh Patel]

Definitely.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I can start doing proper, like, all the different Starbucks orders.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

In an espresso martini.

[Nikesh Patel]

Right.

[James Acaster]

Huh.

[Ed Gamble]

Take us through flat white. Is that a milky espresso martini? Yeah, I think that would work, yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Latte.

[Ed Gamble]

Same one, huh?

[James Acaster]

Bigger.

[Nikesh Patel]

It's a bigger.

[Ed Gamble]

When I asked you to take. Take us through them, that wasn't me, like, actively dropping you in it. That wasn't my idea to be like, he's not gonna have anything, obviously. Here. I thought. You thought about it.

[Nikesh Patel]

No, no.

[James Acaster]

I just throw that idea out off

[Nikesh Patel]

the top of the dime.

[James Acaster]

Cortado? Yeah. What's that?

[Ed Gamble]

Frappuccino.

[Nikesh Patel]

Baby Chino.

[Ed Gamble]

Baby Chino.

[James Acaster]

Oh, look at that.

[Nikesh Patel]

I don't know.

[James Acaster]

Espresso Martini for the babies.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. I didn't think that was really. I mean, maybe. Maybe without the sort of, you know,

[Ed Gamble]

without the Kahlua, but the vodka.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Vodka in there.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I mean, I don't really know all the. There are loads of Starbucks figures, but, I mean, a lot of the Starbucks orders are kind of crazy. I was like, brown sugar, creme brulee, coffee and stuff.

[Strawberry Me Advertiser]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

They're trying to kill people and.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Espresso martini, sure. But really, those are kind of Starbucks orders I only ever try in an airport.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Because I've convinced myself.

[Nikesh Patel]

Are they available, like, in, like, freely in the UK or that. That feels like something you've got to be in.

[Ed Gamble]

I think you get some pretty crazy. You can get some pretty crazy stuff in the UK from Starbucks. I mean, I would never order it, but you see people come out of there with, like, these, like, glowing drinks.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

With like, where they put the cream on, but they've not thought about putting the lid on. And then they put the lid on, the cream's all pushing up against it and, like there's a hole in the top of the straw. It's almost like squirting out the top. Absolutely disgusting. These tiny teenagers walking around drinking it. Like, enjoy it now, guys.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You're not going to get away with that in a few years.

[James Acaster]

Tiny teenagers are absolutely loving Starbucks right now.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

They just go in there and get all the frappuccinos. All the cold stuff is basically a milkshake.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But they get to feel that they're adults. And I was queuing up at Starbucks once, just in queue behind about a million tiny teenagers.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. And how are they not just shitting their guts out after they.

[James Acaster]

I bet they shit their guts out.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I bet it's cool these days.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's pretty cool. They probably make a TikTok of themselves shitting their guts out.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Do you see that episode of adolescence when they're shitting their guts out?

[Ed Gamble]

One shot.

[Nikesh Patel]

No, I didn't. Well, yeah, I was gonna say. Well, yeah, I didn't. No, I missed that. I.

[Ed Gamble]

The way they do it is they start with a drone when they're shitting and it goes all the way into the toilet.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. All the way through the toilet, through the bend, and then out another toilet and another.

[Nikesh Patel]

And then into, like, the thing that they do, like when they examine your stomach. And then all the way.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. And then it flies out the mouth and then flies over there. And then Stephen Graham's crying.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Starbucks going, who's to blame for this? Maybe it's Starbucks.

[Nikesh Patel]

Maybe.

[Ed Gamble]

Maybe it's me.

[James Acaster]

I did a very bad misstep at a gig last night where I, I, I had to open for a band. I'd agreed to do this. And it's comedy opening. Yeah. It's usually a cursed thing you shouldn't. But I love the band so much. I agree.

[Ed Gamble]

What band was this?

[James Acaster]

Oh, it's a musician called Seb Rockford in his. This is new band. He's a jazz drummer. It's like my favorite. One of my favorite drummers.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Good gig.

[James Acaster]

Very excited.

[Ed Gamble]

So the things you say yes to, man.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Hey, it was fun.

[Ed Gamble]

He says no to so much good stuff. It's always no straight away.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

And he said yes to supporting a jazz drummer and doing celebrity catchphrase.

[James Acaster]

I can't wait.

[Ed Gamble]

I can never.

[Nikesh Patel]

I was gonna. Okay. Is you recording tomorrow?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I play along with it at the gym. I'm looking forward to going to do

[Ed Gamble]

it, but I can't keep tabs on

[Nikesh Patel]

what's wrong with saying yes. Celebrity catchphrase.

[Ed Gamble]

Nothing. But I can absolutely never have a handle on what he would enjoy doing or what he's going to say yes to.

[James Acaster]

When I said yes to hunted, he couldn't believe it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, nothing wrong with doing catchphrase at all. I love catchphrase. But James has said yes to it. Are you kidding me?

[James Acaster]

Well, look, I said yes to supporting the band.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah, you're the jazz drummer, so you must. You must be doing celebrity catchphrase if you're supporting a jazz drummer.

[James Acaster]

My life.

[Ed Gamble]

Work out what your personality is.

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[James Acaster]

Your dream dessert. Very exciting.

[Nikesh Patel]

This is where so I've. I've imagined this. So genie's genie's gonna have to magic it. Magic it into existence. We got served at Our wedding, the. The caterers offered the option of chocolate samosas.

[James Acaster]

Oh, wow.

[Nikesh Patel]

So, samosas. So, like, you know, you get all the delight of, like, I mean, you know, chomping off the corners off a samosa and the texture of that, but basically filled with Nutella.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

And a dollop of ice cream at the end of a meal. But then to kind of go left with that a bit. Someone I know very well, who I won't out recently was regaling me with stories about how they had a great time doing mushroom chocolate. So I would like.

[Ed Gamble]

That's drugs, by the way.

[James Acaster]

Drugs.

[Nikesh Patel]

That's not.

[Ed Gamble]

Just not like button mushrooms.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

My mum, who listens to this podcast.

[Nikesh Patel]

Oh, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Just had mushroom chocolate, went, oh, oh, oh.

[Ed Gamble]

Interesting.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. I mean. I mean, it is interesting, but, you

[James Acaster]

know, don't do it, don't do it.

[Nikesh Patel]

You need a responsible adult with you.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Or a genie.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Magic mushroom chocolate mushrooms. What?

[Ed Gamble]

Your mum's definitely. She's been a shroom.

[Nikesh Patel]

What's your mom's name?

[James Acaster]

My mum's not a shroom head.

[Nikesh Patel]

You don't know that.

[Ed Gamble]

Your mum was on shrooms when she did that impression of me the other day.

[James Acaster]

Impression of Ed.

[Nikesh Patel]

What is the. Can you give a flavor of the impression?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, I filmed it. I sent it to Ed because she was. We were. We were talking about off menus. So she did impression of Ed. It was. Watch your mains, little bro.

[Ed Gamble]

Didn't sound anything like me, but that's.

[Nikesh Patel]

That's why it's. That's why it's so fun.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it was a fun impression, but it's just the idea that. Are there words you've ever said to James's mum? I'm using the. The phrase, little bro all the time.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I go, what you made, little bro?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's kind of what you're like. I think my mother manages you with a backwards baseball.

[Grow Therapy Advertiser]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

It's the Steve Buscemi skateboard.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, exactly.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Fellow kids vibe.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's how she imagines that.

[Ed Gamble]

So what's your dessert, little bro?

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah. Magic mushroom chocolate samosas. So, you know, you can. You can have a. You can continue. Continue to have a good time.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

After the meal.

[Ed Gamble]

Here's what I think about drugs.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Here we go.

[Ed Gamble]

No, here's what I think about drugs in food.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

If you put drugs in something delicious that you definitely want more of, is the issue that your hunger and cravings are going to take over, then you end up having too much of the

[Nikesh Patel]

drugs, Nicholas, Almost certainly. Which is why. Because in the dream restaurant, you've got a genie looking after you. I would entrust the genie with basically making safe.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. You know, which is not a phrase you'd want to say if you were normally taking drugs. If you were like someone said, you've had too many of those, you go, don't worry. The genius.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well, he's had. Yeah. Portion control has not been great on this one. I completely hear you. And look, this is. This is untried territory. I also don't know, like, having never had mushroom chocolate. Does it taste nice? Because I don't. I don't want to, you know, throw off the. The integrity of a good chocolate samosa.

[Ed Gamble]

Of course. Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

But dream version, it tastes delicious. You get a little buzz. You might see.

[James Acaster]

Have you done mushrooms before?

[Nikesh Patel]

I haven't done mushrooms before.

[James Acaster]

So what was it about your friend's story that made you go.

[Nikesh Patel]

Oh, that made me go, oh, I'd quite like to do mushrooms, especially in chocolate form. Maybe I'll do it in the dream restaurant with a responsible. Because they, you know, people that I've spoken to that. That have done it say, do it with someone who is not partaking so that they can sort of, you know, make sure that you're not doing anything.

[James Acaster]

I mean, it should be someone who's already done the drug. Right.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, that would help. Not. Not someone who's completely out of their depth.

[James Acaster]

Because I'm. I'm gonna be so out of my depth.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I'm gonna try my best, and I hope my genie powers will come into play somehow. But, like, I've never done a drug.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Apart from alcohol.

[Ed Gamble]

And if he's around people who have

[Nikesh Patel]

done your life on alcohol. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

I'd been a nightmare.

[Nikesh Patel]

Prego, shaming left. Right. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Also, if James is around people who've done drugs, he will shout at them for having done the drugs.

[James Acaster]

Well, I'm gonna tell them off. I just. I just.

[Ed Gamble]

It's like you're a junkie.

[James Acaster]

It's like, oh, yeah, yeah. That's funny.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Especially if it's just weed or something. They've got a problem and they're an addict.

[Nikesh Patel]

So would that. Would that be the case if. If I were. If I ended the meal in your restaurant.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

With a little trip on some mushroom chocolate samosas. Would you. Because in my. In my head, I was like, it's fine. The genie's gonna look after me, but it's. It's gonna be Tiring if you're looking after me, but also just constantly pointing at me going, you're a junkie, you're not a problem. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I think because you're in my restaurant, I would be very nice to you. But at the end when I put you in a cab, I would secretly send it to the Priory.

[Nikesh Patel]

Cab. Okay. Yeah, great. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You'd be straight to the Priory world.

[Nikesh Patel]

It's like.

[James Acaster]

Okay, so it'd be a little funny joke at the end for me. I know you're going to the Priory. You think you're going home.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You'd be there with all the other off menu guests who've picked drugs on their menu.

[James Acaster]

Mike Skinner, Dan Aykroyd.

[Nikesh Patel]

I mean, tell me more.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, that might be it. There's not many.

[Nikesh Patel]

Who's the first?

[James Acaster]

Mike Skinner.

[Nikesh Patel]

Mike Skinner and Dan Hackle.

[Ed Gamble]

That's actually pretty good.

[James Acaster]

Nice little gang, the three of you.

[Nikesh Patel]

I'd love that.

[James Acaster]

I'd watch whatever TV show that is. It's got the three of you.

[Nikesh Patel]

What did they pick, mushrooms?

[James Acaster]

No, they picked a sativa blunt for Dan Aykroyd.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, great.

[James Acaster]

It's like a. There's more weed, but that was like a little starter.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Nice cushy punch.

[Ed Gamble]

Mango Cushy punch sounds in the rehab center.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

If it doesn't sound too like. Yeah, as. As kind of like. I mean, I'm imagining as far as as rehab hangs go, you know, Mike Skinner and Dan Ako are doing a bit of weed. And me sort of imagining because I'm seeing James's face shouting at my wife in a cloud or something.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I reckon you'd. If you'd be the least cool guy in rehab though, if you go in there. I mean chocolates and mouses.

[Nikesh Patel]

That would stand anyway with those two.

[James Acaster]

This guy can't get enough of chocolate samosas with mushrooms.

[Nikesh Patel]

Who invited this guy?

[James Acaster]

Quite hard to get hold of actually how he's developed a habit of mushroom chocolate samosas, a dessert that he invented.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Would you like all the wedding guests there as well to have the samosas with you? The mushroom chocolate samosas?

[Nikesh Patel]

I mean. Yeah, if they. Yeah, if we're all doing it together. It'd be really hectic if I was the only one doing it and they were sort of watching me freak out.

[Ed Gamble]

You could offer them and then if someone turns them down, you go, I

[Nikesh Patel]

figured it out, I figured out, figured it out.

[James Acaster]

So if your parents I imagine were at the wedding, you want them to have those samosas Be careful now.

[Nikesh Patel]

I think. I think a very gentle dose.

[James Acaster]

Who do you think would be able to hack it the most out of your mum and dad?

[Nikesh Patel]

I sort of know it would be my mum would be able to hack it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

But then my dad, having said no, not for me, would then get really into it here.

[James Acaster]

The feet and one in the car on the way home.

[Nikesh Patel]

We went on. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. My dad. My dad would be saying, you gotta pay the pipe. Yeah, yeah. That's the dynamic. And Mum's review when we're all debriefing in the Priory, would be.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, there goes the Priory as well.

[Nikesh Patel]

Are they? Yeah, well, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I'm gonna hang out with Mike Skier and Dan Aykroyd, then I might just. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Bring your parents.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. I'm already the least cool guy there. I'll bring my mum and dad. Yeah. I think that'd be the dynamic. Mum would be like, yeah, didn't really do anything for me and be fine. Dad would get involved.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

It's gonna be an interesting one for them to listen to this really delicious meal. And then. And then he thought, oh, okay. Son has a deep yearning to have psychedelics.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. It sounds like you're being sensible about it as well.

[Nikesh Patel]

Well, you know. You know, it's. I'm curious. I think it'd be a good experience.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

And crucially, we've got. I'm taking advantage of the fact that I've got my own genie, who. Who I'm also tasking with the responsibility of making sure that I don't go too far and I don't.

[Ed Gamble]

Up in the project. How. I mean, how does this sound if we bring you a plate of chocolate samosas?

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And some. Like, there's maybe.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

There's like two that have got. So you can keep eating them, but only certain ones have mushrooms in. Sure. Because then that'll probably keep you safe.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

If you like. I think instead of me looking after you, I'm gonna magic into the restaurant Simon Amstel, who we've. We've had on the podcast. And he's very. Oh, he knows all about this stuff. He would be able to help you out and make sure you're okay.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And I think he would resist.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, Simon would be great. So he'd be a. He'd be.

[Ed Gamble]

He'd also resist your menu because he's got taste in food.

[James Acaster]

He'd like it. He's vegetarian.

[Nikesh Patel]

He's. He's vegan. Right.

[Ed Gamble]

He's not even the paneer.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah. He's vegan.

[Nikesh Patel]

Tell me off now that I'm vegan. Not veggie. Sorry, Simon. Veggie, not vegan.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

But that's fine. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

As long as he doesn't do it when you're buzzing.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. You don't want just being scolded by Simon. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Him telling you about loads of chicks being sent into a grinder while you're trying to have a nice time. Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

No, thanks.

[Ed Gamble]

You're shrooming off your noggin and Simon Amstel saying, why are you taking milk from that baby?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Then you're imagining a baby and having the milk taken from it. I think you're like, it was our fault.

[Nikesh Patel]

That's not what I'm here to be reminded about.

[James Acaster]

Adolescence was our fault for taking the milk for the babies. If we hadn't done that. I'm going to read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it.

[Nikesh Patel]

Thank you.

[James Acaster]

You would like still water with a long sliced cuke. Proverbs of bread. You would like roti canai from Penang. Correct starter. Ah, chilaquiles. Yes. Mexico. Main course. A generous portion of chili paneer. Side dish. Okra fries from Bombay Spice Samosa. Chart for the table. Yeah. Benito's written Paula, table.

[Nikesh Patel]

Very good.

[James Acaster]

And I imagine he would want me to point that out.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Proud of it.

[James Acaster]

He got pleasure from that when he wrote that.

[Ed Gamble]

That's like something a 60 year old man would say.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Paula tablet followed by have you seen the latest top gear?

[James Acaster]

My YouTube seems to think, I love Top Gear. It's a new thing.

[Ed Gamble]

You keep clicking on it, though. Have you watched any of the videos?

[James Acaster]

I clicked on one of them. So that's my concept. It was phrased like it was. Was James May slagging off Clarkson. I was like, I want to see that. If there's a rift in there. You watched it and I watched it. But now that's how algorithms work.

[Ed Gamble]

This is like people posting under videos going, why am I seeing these videos so much? Like, because you keep posting under them saying, why am I seeing them?

[James Acaster]

I clicked on it once.

[Nikesh Patel]

One video of a tractor race in

[James Acaster]

the pool and suddenly it was a worse. It was a post Top Gear interview.

[Ed Gamble]

I know. I know why I get top five Karens. Because I watch him and I love watching them. You love watching Karen Top five Karens.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

What?

[Nikesh Patel]

You talked about that for us. What?

[James Acaster]

What?

[Nikesh Patel]

What's required to be a top five Karen?

[Ed Gamble]

Do you mean just some ladies getting angry yeah, yeah. Specifically car windscreens and stuff.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I love Karen's.

[James Acaster]

Didn't know that about you. Just learned something new about Eddie loves Karen. He loves if they're ranked as well.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I very rarely agree with the rankings.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah. Rankings are annoying.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Where you watch about anything, you're like, how is this number one?

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Because they also open with the best one to keep you watching the video.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And that's number five.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So number one's rubbish.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Absolutely rubbish. That he's got. I, I. The amount of times I fall for clickbait, I'm getting so annoyed to myself. It says, you won't believe this amazing story. That's so basic.

[Ed Gamble]

That's the most basic. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I fall for it every time.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, let's see if I believe this amazing story.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Oh, no. It's the most boring thing I've ever heard.

[Nikesh Patel]

Turns out I did believe it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Drink Chai flavored espresso martini from Deshum.

[Nikesh Patel]

Correct.

[James Acaster]

Dessert? Magic mushroom chocolate samosas with this little scoop of ice cream.

[Nikesh Patel]

With a little scoop of ice cream.

[Ed Gamble]

Fantastic.

[James Acaster]

Simon Amsterdam.

[Nikesh Patel]

And maybe Simon Amsterdam as my sort of like shaman for the evening.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. You're shaman, but not shaman you for not being. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You didn't carry on.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You didn't need to carry on because Shaman, not Shaman was beautiful.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Some listeners may have needed this one. It's not just us. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

We're trying to, we're trying to get rid of those listeners.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

Mexican listeners might have needed the, the context.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But our Mexican listener.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. But the people in Jersey, that was for you, the explanation.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, gracias. Mucho gracias.

[Nikesh Patel]

Thank you very much.

[James Acaster]

Thank you, Nikesh. It's been a pleasure. I mean, I feel like there's stuff I should apologize for, but I'm not going to.

[Nikesh Patel]

I don't think you're shouting pregnant.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

For example, beating you hunted.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Thrashing you at hunted.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I beat you even more because I lasted longer than James.

[Nikesh Patel]

You did, yeah, yeah, he did.

[James Acaster]

I'd go and watch the glass manager.

[Ed Gamble]

Even my parents had to go to the play with his parents. And I sat behind the climbing wall longer for the, the entirety of your time on the show.

[Nikesh Patel]

Was it, was it a good, Was it a good production? Was it, did you enjoy. No, no. Who was in it?

[James Acaster]

Amy Adams.

[Nikesh Patel]

Was she good?

[James Acaster]

I love Amy Adams. Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

But the glass menage, I think this,

[James Acaster]

the, the production in general, I thought that for all the actors were really Good.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

The actual thing, I was like, I don't know. Don't know why we're doing this. But then I was, like, still thinking, like, I was on the run.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So I don't.

[Nikesh Patel]

They. They sort of say that to you when you go in, you're like. And, you know, you can feel a. You. You might feel a bit weird coming out of it and it. And when you're. When you haven't played the game yet, you're like, that's a. That's. That sounds comical. But then you do, like, for the longest time, it's just like, walking past security cameras.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Nikesh Patel]

And, like, constantly being aware of, like,

[James Acaster]

who can see me jumping in white vans.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Oh, no, hold on.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Should be doing.

[Nikesh Patel]

Don't do that.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, thank you very much, coming to the dream restaurant. Nick. Ash.

[Nikesh Patel]

Thank you very much for having me.

[James Acaster]

Thank you, Nick.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you, Nick.

[Nikesh Patel]

There we are.

[Ed Gamble]

James. Nick. Ash Patel.

[James Acaster]

What a. A delicious menu.

[Ed Gamble]

Cracking menu. I love paneer, man.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I love all those things. I would steer clear of the drugs.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I didn't say it at the time because I didn't want to seem like a dweeb around such a cool drugs guy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But I'm. Why bother now?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. We can't start doing drugs now.

[Ed Gamble]

You're 40. I'm basically 40.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I think doing drugs now is the stupidest time of your life to start doing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[James Acaster]

I think when you're young or when you're really old.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah. Although I'd say, like, I feel like 40 is the time I'm gonna start removing things from my life rather than adding them.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you thinking of removing?

[Ed Gamble]

Baseball caps, I think was on my list.

[James Acaster]

Oh, but then my mum won't know how to imagine you. That'd be hard.

[Ed Gamble]

But I've been buying a lot of caps recently, so I think I'm clinging onto 39 pretty hard.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Well, you got, you know, pretty much a year left.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Being in your 30s, I can't see.

[Ed Gamble]

I think I thought I'd be wearing suits by this point.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Ed Gamble]

But what am I gonna. You know.

[James Acaster]

Well, you got this suit fit. Insane.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but I'm not gonna wear it all the time, but I'd love to be. You know, we had Paul Feig on this podcast.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He looks so great all the time. But when did he start doing that is what I want to know.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

When do you make the leap?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Because, like, I mean, Tom Neenan's been doing it forever.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Since he was a baby.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. See? Yeah. Don't even think about it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I should have done it earlier, shouldn't I?

[James Acaster]

Should have done it earlier. Yeah. You could become a suit guy. I was saying this actually, while we. I've just come back from holiday, and on holiday, I saw a man in a suit eating an ice cream, and I thought, that could be me.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Still. You still get to have ice cream.

[James Acaster]

So you get to have ice cream. I didn't know that that was still on the table.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So like I said to my girlfriend, maybe I should start wearing suits. And she really laughed and she told other people. It was a very funny thing I said.

[Ed Gamble]

So that's not gonna happen for you?

[James Acaster]

I don't think that's gonna happen for me either. No. Oh, well.

[Ed Gamble]

Maybe I'll wait for some sort of horrific life event and then start wearing suits so people can't mention it.

[James Acaster]

Something for the listeners to look forward to.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

If you see Ed in a suit in the photoshoot, a horrific life event, something's gone bad. Nick has. Did not choose Hunter's chicken. That would have been a horrific life event if he had done that.

[Ed Gamble]

And he's veggie. I didn't know that.

[James Acaster]

So, yeah, so that was never gonna happen.

[Ed Gamble]

Never gonna happen.

[James Acaster]

Unless he had said, you know, Hunter's chicken, but hold the chicken, hold the bacon. Just cheese and barbecue sauce, please.

[Ed Gamble]

Which we definitely would have kicked him out for.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's even worse.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

The worst part is like cheese on

[Ed Gamble]

a plate with a barbecue sauce.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Oh, no. Who chose cheese on the plates? Charlotte.

[Ed Gamble]

Charlotte Church. She talked about cheese on a plate, certainly.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't know if she picked it. Did she?

[James Acaster]

Benito says yes.

[Nikesh Patel]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And whatever Benito says is usually gospel. Well, Ed, it's been a pleasure as always. I love to talk to you.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, you too, James. There's. I suppose we'll return again.

[James Acaster]

I suppose we shall.

[Nikesh Patel]

What?

[Ed Gamble]

Thanks very much for listening. We'll see you again soon on the off many podcast.

[Hannah Berner]

Hi, this is Hannah Berner, co host of Giggly Squad. Let's be honest, we've all done things in our lives that may have just followed the crowd, like drinking matcha, even if you think it tastes like grass. Or pretending skinny jeans were actually comfortable. Have we been doing the same thing with Zero Sugar Cola? Last year, people across America took the Pepsi Challenge. No labels, no bias. Judged on taste alone, 66% of participants agreed Pepsi Zero sugar tastes better than Coke Zero sugar and Pepsi Zero Sugar won in every single market. Go out and try Pepsi. Zero sugar today. You deserve taste. You deserve Pepsi.

[James Acaster]

Hey, I'm Alison Spittle. And I'm Fern Brady. And you might remember us both from our episodes of Off Menu. I think in my episode I got very angry when I ordered toast in a restaurant and was presented with hot bread and then told that that was the nature of sourdough, that is simply doesn't toast as a bread. And I said that I take it

[Ed Gamble]

in the hand and the mouth like communion.

[James Acaster]

Did you? I did. That kind of brings us on to the topic of our new podcast, Ignore that Feeling, a show by two ex Catholic girls who have never learned to acknowledge a single emotion, ever. And the podcast is out every Tuesday, starting Tuesday, the 10th of February. So please listen and subscribe.