Rhys James

Summary

Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster

Episode: Rhys James
Release Date: September 24, 2025
Guest: Rhys James

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Episode Overview

Comedians Ed Gamble and James Acaster return to their imaginary restaurant to welcome comic Rhys James as their latest guest. Known for his sharp wit and penchant for self-deprecating humor, Rhys arrives in full tuxedo to order his ultimate dream meal. The episode is full of playful banter, affectionate roasting, comedic tangents about childhood nostalgia, British pub food, and riffs on personal quirks. The trio also dives into the anxieties of growing up, classic British cuisine, and what it really means to be “fancy”—all in the offbeat, fast-paced style fans expect from Off Menu.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Tuxedo Entrance & Dandy Debates

• [09:48] Rhys shows up in a tuxedo, immediately prompting the hosts to riff on what constitutes “fancy” attire at restaurants, leading to a running joke about fancy vs. dandy vs. pale men throughout the episode.
  • Quote:
    Rhys: "This is a big podcast. This is a fancy restaurant... this is the red carpet, this podcast."
    (10:13)
  • Ed & James question social etiquette: should guests dress fancier than waiters? Rhys insists being the fanciest is the guest’s right.

2. Book Promotion & Comic Rivalries

• They roast each other over getting (or not getting) book quotes from Dara Ó Briain, and discuss the pressures and strategies of book promotion.
  • Rhys: “Just buy it and leave it anywhere.” (10:53)
• Rhys’s book, You’ll Like It When You Get There, is, by his description, a “dread memoir”—for introverts who talk too much in public out of nervousness.

3. Childhood Palates & Food Nostalgia

• The hosts reminisce about student gigs, avocados as a late discovery for Rhys, and culinary ‘upgrades’ (from chicken nuggets to goujons).

  • Rhys: “I’m growing up. I’ve stopped eating chicken nuggets and I ate chicken goujons.” (23:00)

• [22:38] Rhys recounts the first time he saw an avocado (thanks to Ed), comparing it to "archive footage of kids in the war seeing bananas for the first time. Dandies."

  • This sparks a thread about growing up picky and gradually embracing more “adult” foods.

4. Bread Course—Fancy Breads & Dipping Rituals

• Rhys’s bread course dilemma: traditional fancy focaccia with oil and balsamic like a “dandy,” versus his true pick, chili cheese toast from Dishoom (a cult London favorite).
  • James: “We've had people push the boundary way more than that.” [re: bread choices] (35:00)

5. School Days, Dread, and Outsider Comedy

• Rhys’s tales of bringing friends home in secondary school for olive oil dip and Flight of the Conchords reveal the comic roots of his outsider persona.
  • “My default is dread. The build-up to everything is dread... It’s a dread memoir.” (13:39)

6. Plumber Corporate Gigs & The ‘Train Wanker’

• [18:33] Rhys kills with a story about being heckled (“train wanker”) at a corporate for 300 plumbers—showcasing the oddities of stand-up beyond the club circuit.

7. Kitchen Safety & Childhood Accidents

• The group reflects on childhood accidents, especially head injuries, and the feeling that children today don't seem to “crack their heads open” as much.
  • Rhys: “When I was a kid, everyone was cracking their head open. Now, never.” (52:07)

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Rhys’s Dream Menu

1. Water:

   • Aqua Panna still water and San Pellegrino sparkling: “Gotta have bubbles in a tux, I’m afraid.” (24:53)

2. Bread:

   • Chili cheese toast from Dishoom (without eggs) [36:02] — overrides focaccia and oil.
   • Backstory: He's ordered this off the breakfast menu before; rebels against the expectation of eggs on it.

3. Starter:

   • Buffalo wings and nachos from Billy’s (Harpenden) [43:07]
   • A staple of his childhood during his parents' separation year, heavy on nostalgia and the “loudest fajitas” ever served.

4. Main Course:

   • Birria tacos from The Bab House at the Big Feastival [54:02]
   • Notably, Rhys prefers the UK festival version over the birria tacos he tried in Mexico, as his trip there was plagued by illness from a fake “Jenny’s Quesadillas.”

5. Side Dish:

   • Platter of Oaxacan tomatoes with beetroot purée from Lavandra de Ola, Oaxaca, Mexico [66:36]
   • Praises variety and beauty, calls it “Star Mix, but for tomatoes.”

6. Drink:

   • Kel’s Orange Soda (from Kenan & Kel) [69:00]
   • Chosen for the passion and nostalgia attached, and the legendary vivid orange color.

7. Dessert:

   • Aunt Bessie’s Yorkshire puddings, each filled with vanilla ice cream, drizzled with golden syrup and a side of glacé cherries [80:54]
   • Claims to have “invented” this as a child, but is called out for essentially eating a Dutch baby.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Dressing Fancy to the Podcast

• “I'm the guest, I should be the fanciest one.” — Rhys ([17:00])

Rhys’s Book in a Nutshell

• “It’s a cry for help, but it’s a very funny one.” — Dara Ó Briain, as quoted by Rhys ([11:27])

First Avocado Experience

• “I was like a child, stood on a stool… ‘Show me, Ed. What's inside this?’ And you cut it open like you were talking to a two-year-old.” — Rhys ([22:38])

Best Corporate Heckle

• “Heckled with 'train wanker.' Biggest laugh of the night.” — Rhys ([18:33])

On Childhood Accidents

• “When I was a kid, everyone was cracking their head open. Now, never.” — Rhys ([52:07])

On the "Invented" Dessert

• "Three [Aunt Bessie] Yorkshire puddings. Scoop of vanilla ice cream in each, golden syrup, and a punnet of glacé cherries on the side." ([81:18])

On Kel’s Orange Soda

• “I want to love something as much as Kel loves that orange soda.” — Rhys ([73:31])

The Off Menu Host Roast:

• “At no point during it did I think Rhys is doing a good menu here. And it’s been read out—it’s really nice!” — Ed ([89:04])

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• Tuxedo Debate / Introduction:
  [09:48]–[17:00]
• Book Banter & Introvert Memoir:
  [10:44]–[14:39]
• Avocado Story & Childhood Palate:
  [21:19]–[23:35]
• Bread Course Choices:
  [29:38]–[36:02]
• Plumber Corporate Gig Story:
  [18:33]–[20:13]
• Billy’s Buffalo Wings & Childhood Nostalgia:
  [43:07]–[52:07]
• Birria Tacos & Food Poisoning in Mexico:
  [54:02]–[59:50]
• Tomato Side Dish, Oaxaca:
  [66:28]–[68:47]
• Kel’s Orange Soda & Childhood Urban Legends:
  [69:00]–[74:41]
• Dessert Debate & Dutch Baby Reveal:
  [80:54]–[84:23]
• Full Menu Recap:
  [88:06]–[89:10]

---

Tone & Style

The conversation is fast-paced, irreverent, and suffused with the trio’s signature blend of self-effacement and spontaneous comic riffing. Rhys’s anxiety-riddled worldview is both mocked and embraced; the hosts’ willingness to go down every tangent (from sandwich taxonomy to fake celebrity deaths) makes for a chaotic but affectionate episode.

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For Non-Listeners: Why This Episode Stands Out

• A genuine look at how British comedians riff on everyday nostalgia, awkwardness, and the realities of 'grown-up' food preferences.
• Rich with quotable bits and playful mockery—especially toward Rhys’s self-described dandy tendencies, culinary cautiousness, and his dogged pursuit of “fancy” status.
• A strangely touching throughline about childhood, family rituals, and the confidence found in “putting on a tux for Nando’s.”
• Food talk blends real foodie insight (Birria, Dishoom, Oaxacan cuisine) with unapologetic comfort food nostalgia (nachos, Yorkshire puds, orange soda).

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Final Thoughts

Rhys James’s Off Menu appearance is a whirlwind tour of comic insecurity, playful bullying, and surprising emotional honesty—all in the context of one dandy’s dream meal. The food choices are more adventurous than Rhys gives himself credit for, the stories are as memorable as any Off Menu session, and the signature segments (Popadoms or Bread? Still or Sparkling?) become rich opportunities for comic digression.

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Recommended for:
Fans of self-deprecating British comedy, food nostalgia, and anyone who wants to know what childhood in middle England plus a dash of black-tie confidence tastes like.

Transcript

[Ed Gamble]

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast.

[James Acaster]

Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu podcast and before the episode starts we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a nonprofit co founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister and Georgia Takax.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects including two seven day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes as well feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day. They've created an absolutely amazing thing and we feel like, you know, it's the Off Menu podcast. We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time. And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food. James.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely. So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk, or look at the links in Jen Bristow's bio on Instagram. Every penny raised goes to Supporting People in Gaza.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

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[Ed Gamble]

Welcome to the Off Menu podcast. Taking the salt and vinegar crisps of conversation, opening that bad boy up and throwing in the pickled egg of humor, shaking it around and getting involved. People do that?

[James Acaster]

Do they do that?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I've never heard of that before. I immediately want to do it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I think it sounds like I'd like to do it as well. I don't know, people do do that. They put pop a pickled egg in a bag of crisps.

[James Acaster]

Something.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I think.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, that's great.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's a gap that happened on your face is all. You're like, oh, yeah. What?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. To begin with, I thought, I don't know. What he's doing is he's open a bag of crisps. Yeah. When you popped a pickled egg in there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And I thought, perry Webb's gone. I thought, hold on a second. Yeah, that just might work.

[Ed Gamble]

Peter Piper popped it in there.

[James Acaster]

Shout out Peter Piper. That is a gamble. My name is James Acaster. Together we own a dream restaurant. In every single week, we invited the guests who we asked for their favorite ever start a main course, dessert side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is Rhys James.

[Ed Gamble]

Rhys James, the little oik. The little oik of British comedy.

[James Acaster]

A fantastic comic. Very funny man.

[Ed Gamble]

Cheeky. Cheeky.

[James Acaster]

Just the other day, my partner was scrolling through something and a clip came up of you and Reece trading blows on the week back in the day. And I forgot how funny that dynamic was between the two of you.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, he's a great. He's a great comic. He's a lovely comic foil for me, my little brother. And that clip would have been to promote me interviewing him about his book. Ah, his new book. You'll like it when you get there.

[James Acaster]

Yes, and I will like it when I get there, Reese. Thank you.

[Ed Gamble]

I have not read it yet, but I will because I'm interviewing him in two days about it and I can't wait to read it.

[James Acaster]

Remember that Coolio song? I'll see you when you get there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

If you ever get there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Maybe Reese is talking about that in the book.

[Ed Gamble]

Maybe.

[James Acaster]

Listen, we like these, huh? When you get there.

[Ed Gamble]

If you ever get there.

[James Acaster]

See you when you get there.

[Ed Gamble]

Pointless. So why are you saying it?

[James Acaster]

Huh?

[Ed Gamble]

Why are you saying it if you don't know if they're going to get there or not?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, how about you make arrangements to make sure they get there and then you don't need to say, I'll see you when you get there.

[James Acaster]

Isn't he talking about heaven?

[Ed Gamble]

Probably.

[James Acaster]

I think he's talking about heaven.

[Ed Gamble]

So I think it's like, well, that's really bad.

[James Acaster]

I'll see you in heaven if you don't go to hell.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Burn for all of eternity. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, why is Coolio so sure he's gonna be there?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Listen, Rhys, you're a nice guy. But if. If you say the secret ingredient, we're kicking you out. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And the secret ingredient was easy this week.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Reese's Pieces.

[James Acaster]

Reese's Pieces.

[Ed Gamble]

Because he's called Reese.

[James Acaster]

Your name is Reece.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, and he's a piece of shit.

[James Acaster]

And you're a piece of shit.

[Ed Gamble]

The blows don't really work when there's only one of us here.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

When it's gonna do like, my Mott of the week.

[James Acaster]

And then he would say, like, yeah, yeah, I'm a piece of shit. That's what you're gonna say about me, isn't it? And then you'd be able to do an even worse one. No. Say this.

[Rhys James]

And then bury him.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then he'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But now he's not here.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Feels bad.

[James Acaster]

You're just calling a man a piece of shit.

[Rhys James]

Feels bad.

[James Acaster]

Feels bad. But, you know, I think he deserves it. He's a little piece of.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So hopefully he doesn't say Reese's Pieces. Although he's a funny one to kick out.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it'd be very funny to kick him out because he's such a little. So, like, that'd be great. Also, it must mean that when we had Reese Shearsmith on, we didn't choose Reese's Pieces.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Weird.

[James Acaster]

So I go. But I guess we went for some, like. Did we go special stuff, League of Gentlemen? Yeah, we went special stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Fair enough.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Rhys James doesn't have the body of work.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

The V. Sheersmith has. We just have to go for his name.

[Ed Gamble]

I can't believe how much we're roasting Rhys before he's. He's even come on.

[James Acaster]

Well, it's rare that you know that the guest will listen to it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So we know that Rhys is going to hear all this.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And it's really fun to lay into him.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And he's got to sit there going, oh, fuck sake.

[Ed Gamble]

And whenever this comes out, he'll message me going, thanks for that. And I'll. I won't even remember what we said.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. This means nothing to us.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

This roasting of you. It's like when Thanos is confronted by Drax and he's like, you killed my family. He's like, I could even remember.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And you think that's cold.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

That is like. That's the worst thing you could say to him. It's like that. With what we're saying right now, you can text me and go, oh, that Thanos thing. You're a dweeb. I'll be like, I don't even know.

[Ed Gamble]

What you're talking about. Yeah, with Thanos.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, with Thanos.

[Ed Gamble]

With a podcast. Thanos.

[James Acaster]

Yep.

[Ed Gamble]

If we click, half the podcast would disappear.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Click our fingers. That's goodbye. No such thing as fish. Goodbye. My dad wrote a porno that's not on anyone. Goodbye, babysitter boys. What, the one that Rob and Josh do?

[Ed Gamble]

Right. Babysitter boy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Babysitter boys.

[Ed Gamble]

This is the off menu menu of Reece James. Welcome, Reece, to the Dream Restaurant.

[Rhys James]

Thank you very much.

[James Acaster]

Welcome, Rhys James to the Dream Restaurant. It's been a year for some time.

[Rhys James]

An honor. What a great honor that I've been waiting for all my life. All my life. When you first launched this podcast six years ago, 2018. Seven years ago. Seven.

[Ed Gamble]

Seven. We're knocking on for seven now.

[Rhys James]

Probably nine by the time this comes out.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I've been sat by postbox like a Labrador ever since, waiting for them through the post.

[Ed Gamble]

We do it in emails.

[Rhys James]

His emails.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. That's why you should check my laptop.

[Rhys James]

Nine years ago. Every week I'm gonna be on week one.

[James Acaster]

No reply whatsoever.

[Rhys James]

It was me or Mike Skinner in that first series. Yeah. Mike checks his emails. Modern guy.

[James Acaster]

He's a modern guy.

[Ed Gamble]

I bet he doesn't check his emails.

[Rhys James]

Nobody'll have someone. Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You don't have someone.

[Rhys James]

I don't have someone.

[Ed Gamble]

What a sad way to start.

[Rhys James]

I don't have anyone.

[James Acaster]

Do you?

[Rhys James]

I don't have anyone.

[James Acaster]

That's kind of what your book's about, right? You like it when you get here by Rhys James. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Fair.

[James Acaster]

What's that? Huh? My half read it.

[Rhys James]

Well, that's the aim.

[James Acaster]

I don't think reading it is important with books, isn't it?

[Rhys James]

Just buy it genuinely at this stage. Just buy it and leave it anywhere.

[James Acaster]

I had that one. So I went on a first book come out and I went on a show.

[Ed Gamble]

First book.

[James Acaster]

Will Gomperts was hosting it.

[Ed Gamble]

Who's that book man.

[James Acaster]

But I've got a quote from Dara on the front that. Yeah, I was quite. And it. It was something like. Sorry, that's not. That's not what it was. Forget it.

[Ed Gamble]

Another great story from the.

[Rhys James]

From the brain of James out in August.

[Ed Gamble]

You've got a question as well. I got a quote from Dara on the back. You got a quote from Dara?

[Rhys James]

What's your quote?

[James Acaster]

I did have a quote from Dara. I can't remember it, but I remembered it wasn't the Quote from Dara that he got wrong. It's a cry for help, but it's a very funny one. That's what Dara says about your book.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Do you want to say about my book? Nothing. Turn me down for a quote.

[Rhys James]

Turn me down for a quote.

[Ed Gamble]

Said he was too busy, he'd done too many of them.

[Rhys James]

Too busy, done too many.

[Ed Gamble]

Unbelievable.

[Rhys James]

When I'm at that stage now, I'm sort of after a generation of people who'd have asked Dara for quotes.

[Ed Gamble]

Sure.

[Rhys James]

So he's probably. He's probably begging to do quotes for books at the moment. No one's got one.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, it's better he refused the quote before he'd not read it.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

That would have been awful if he'd read it.

[Rhys James]

I chased him quite a lot. I sent him a book and then I was like, you know that weird thing that came through the post with my face on it? Have you read that? And he kept being like, oh, I'm going to Nottingham tomorrow, I'll read it then. And then I'd be like, what do you think? Then he was like, how's this? And then sent me basically that non committal quote. I like it based on that quote. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to respect it.

[James Acaster]

So a lot of good quotes here. Pasco said, as we're in, clever as Reese's. Stand up, but you can take it in the bar.

[Ed Gamble]

True.

[James Acaster]

Oh, Benito has googled the front cover for my first book.

[Rhys James]

What's the Dara quote? Should we guess? Yeah, this is classic scrapes.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

No one scrapes like Jimmy A. Oh, I like that.

[Ed Gamble]

A great, A great book. Very enjoyable.

[James Acaster]

He's put. It's better than that. You know what? I don't know why we've included the full quote. I think we should have clipped off this first bit he's written. It's just my opinion. I don't know why we kept that.

[Rhys James]

It sounds like he insisted that was there.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

So I don't want it out there that everyone thinks this.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. But James is the funniest of all these comedians you haven't heard of yet.

[Rhys James]

I mean, okay, he's a bit. He gets spiky in these quotes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

There's always a bit of a neg in there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

It's a cry for help from his dweeb.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Or yeah, you never heard of this loser. And by the way, it's not a fact. It's just my opinion. Just my opinion is the funniest of a very narrow of Everyone you have.

[Ed Gamble]

You haven't heard of yet, but you've got a book out.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. If they look at the book cover diary, they've heard of me. Yeah. Automatically.

[Rhys James]

Was bigger. Your name or Dara's quote?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

They're reading that first.

[Ed Gamble]

They read that first. Remind me.

[James Acaster]

Like a thumbnail, really.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Me as a little picture of me and then Dara. Yeah, that was whole quote.

[Ed Gamble]

This is very exciting, though, Reese. You've got a book.

[Rhys James]

You're excited.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, of course I'm excited about this. What's the book about?

[James Acaster]

Don't make me say it's a guide to life from someone who doesn't want to do anything.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, there we go.

[James Acaster]

So if you don't ever want to. So you try and avoid doing stuff as much as possible. Social.

[Rhys James]

Well, that's my default, how I feel. Default. It's sort of quite introverted. The build up just is dread. It's a dread memoir. The build up to everything is dread. Don't want to do it. You wouldn't think I was an introvert if you went to the pub with me. I would seem like an extrovert because it manifests in speaking too much.

[James Acaster]

It's not fun.

[Rhys James]

It's just. It's just a lot.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I will speak too much and I'll think I've got to fill all of this. There can't be a silence ever.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Et cetera. That's why I speak really quick on stage as well.

[Ed Gamble]

You're the anti. John Robbins.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. I thought because I said to be quick on stage, you were going to say. Kearns, you were still on the pub thing?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, no, still on that.

[Rhys James]

No, just quite happy to.

[Ed Gamble]

Quiet man in the pub in the corner.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Wants to go to the pub, doesn't say anything.

[Rhys James]

Says everything.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

Great.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

If me and John are in the pub, it's an absolute nightmare. It's just us two killing time.

[James Acaster]

How much did you want to come and do this podcast then?

[Rhys James]

Well, that's, you know.

[James Acaster]

You know, you can be honest with.

[Rhys James]

Us in terms of the pantheon of things I will have to do to promote this book.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I wouldn't even put this in a have to. This is a want to. But there's certainly things that I will be doing that I, you know, that I have to.

[James Acaster]

The tux won't come out for those.

[Rhys James]

Tux isn't. I'm not wearing the tux on Sunday brunch.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Rhys James]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

You should, though.

[James Acaster]

You should do.

[Rhys James]

All right. Well, there we go.

[James Acaster]

Sold for the listener.

[Ed Gamble]

Lovejoy will not get it. No.

[Rhys James]

God, no.

[Ed Gamble]

He will be baffled.

[Rhys James]

Oh, yeah, Good point for the listener. I happen to be wearing a tux.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

If you're listening to. This is our first ever guest who has turned up wearing a tuxedo.

[Rhys James]

This is a big podcast. This is a fancy restaurant.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

You've had a lot of fancy guests, a lot of celebs in this restaurant.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I thought, I've got a. You know, this is. This is the red carpet, this podcast.

[James Acaster]

It is, yeah.

[Rhys James]

So someone's got to make an effort at last, haven't they?

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I mean, appreciate it.

[Rhys James]

I'm a fancy guy as well, you know that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

When I do bother to turn up to stuff, I do it in a very, very fancy way.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Would you. Would you say. You seem to agree my opinion hung.

[James Acaster]

Out with you at gigs and TV shows? I wouldn't say you out fancy people at those.

[Ed Gamble]

Rude.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I wouldn't say fancy is the first thing that I was.

[Rhys James]

What's the first thing?

[Ed Gamble]

Pale. Oh, okay.

[James Acaster]

Quite pale.

[Rhys James]

No one pale in history has ever been fancy. Then may I remind you of the. One of the old centuries where they're all pale.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. One night.

[Rhys James]

Couldn't think of one. But, you know, I'm thinking of like, you know those films based on the past.

[Ed Gamble]

The film's based on the past where.

[James Acaster]

They'Ve painted a beauty mark on the.

[Rhys James]

Exactly. And they're all very pale. Dandies. Yeah, they're dandies.

[Ed Gamble]

Fine. I think of you as a dan.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, fine.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I would think of you as a dandy more than a fancy. Fancy guy. Yeah. If someone interchangeable. If it's back in the day and we were all in the same episode of Mott the Week, and one of the runners come up to me in the corridor and was like, I've lost the dandy. I'll be like, oh, okay. Yeah, he's down there. Yeah, he's down there putting his tux on.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. Fair enough.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you think wearing a tux to a restaurant is dangerous? Because I think you should not be the fanciest per. The waiter should look fancier. Don't you think?

[Rhys James]

The waiter may feel I have cosplayed as him.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Rhys James]

I don't get the logic of the waiter being fancier than the guests. Why would that make sense?

[Ed Gamble]

It depends. If it's an old school fancy restaurant, you want to feel like.

[Rhys James]

I don't want to feel like I'm intruding on these fancy people who. What, live there. If they Work there. You know what I mean? It's like, no, I'm the guest, I should be the fanciest one.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

They should look like. They should dress down.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. You don't want to go in as a guest and feel like you're not good enough to be in this place.

[Rhys James]

Exactly. We don't want them to be snooty and sort of looking down on you for being there because of what you're wearing. And that's why I always wear tux, always. So it can't happen.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, The Nando's tux.

[Rhys James]

Straight to five, guys. Yeah, my tux.

[James Acaster]

Well, I mean, I think you look very, very shy.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, you look very nice.

[Rhys James]

Ah, thanks.

[James Acaster]

And it is also for the listeners, quite a hot day outside. Yes. We've already recorded an episode in here today and it quite quickly got boiling hot in this room. Benito has done all he can to air the room out. Right now. It's fine.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Let's see how much of this tux makes it to the end of the episode.

[James Acaster]

But, yeah, you're going to be dripping by the end.

[Rhys James]

I didn't wear the waistcoat.

[James Acaster]

That was an option.

[Rhys James]

I took the waistcoat. Yeah. No, two piece.

[Ed Gamble]

I wish you'd worn the waistcoat.

[Rhys James]

Two piece. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I would have loved to have seen the waistcoat.

[Rhys James]

To go halfway through and then take the jacket off and be wearing the waistcoat.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. And then come back like a teddy vet.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the way to prom.

[James Acaster]

Now that is the energy you bring.

[Rhys James]

On the way to prom.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

Is that because I pulled up here.

[Ed Gamble]

In a limo and you just always.

[Rhys James]

Had a stretch limo and I was out the sunroof, wasn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

You bought a corsage. Thank you.

[Rhys James]

Poppadoms, please.

[Ed Gamble]

And that girl waiting through the.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

And the corsage, they were going, yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

You just told to wait for you while you do a podcast. Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And her parents, obviously.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

Picking her up.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Dad trying to intimidate you.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Not scared of him wearing a tux.

[James Acaster]

You wouldn't be scared.

[Rhys James]

Been scared of anyone while you're wearing a tux.

[James Acaster]

No, actually, you just wouldn't be, would you?

[Rhys James]

Good question is why fancy people, AKA dandies, are so confident.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I've done corporates in tuxes before and I've been very scared during that point.

[Rhys James]

Actually. Did a corporate 300 plumbers last week.

[Ed Gamble]

What was it called?

[Rhys James]

300 plumbers last week. I'd say I did a joke about trains. One of my first joke. I Just mentioned getting the train or like rail card expired or something. I'd say in the first minute, heckled with train wanker. Biggest laugh of the night.

[Ed Gamble]

Unrecoverable.

[Rhys James]

You don't care.

[Ed Gamble]

You do not book a dandy to do a plumbing corporate.

[Rhys James]

It did go all right at the end, but I never got quite to that level.

[James Acaster]

But. So you said I got a train.

[Rhys James]

I said, yeah. Something like, oh, yeah. And I was, I was, I was building tension on. I was about to call them van people. That's where I was going with it. Before I had the chance. They saw the comic gap. I was leaving.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

To go. Railcars expired. Of course, you don't relate to this. You're all van. And I was going to go in now, hard like that, but I couldn't because before I could do anything, train wanker. Everyone losing their minds. Then I said, oh, you think, you think they're stereotypes, don't you? Yeah, but you think they're stereotypes.

[Ed Gamble]

The problem is that is really funny.

[Rhys James]

It's really funny.

[Ed Gamble]

That is the thing to show.

[Rhys James]

Well, it's one of those, you know, sometimes you get a heckle and you think, you know immediately, I need to come back and shut this person down.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

That was almost like, well, I have to laugh.

[Ed Gamble]

Let it roll around. You've got to get involved.

[Rhys James]

I was thinking this could kill a good five minutes. Ye laughing non stop funny. Gotta do 20 minutes.

[James Acaster]

Sure. @ a corporate.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. They had told me before this corporate, oh, it'll be more. Everyone will be in black tie and it will be more the sort of suits of the plumbing industry rather than the polo shirts. The plumbing industry.

[James Acaster]

Oh, interesting.

[Rhys James]

There was not a single person in the audience not wearing cargo shorts.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Every single got there. Every single person had a stained polo shirt. It was set up like a black tie event.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Big fancy round table and they'd all.

[Ed Gamble]

Come straight from work. Yeah.

[Rhys James]

It's like they all expected there to be a leak at any moment.

[Ed Gamble]

And you were in the tux. Yeah, tux wanker.

[James Acaster]

To be fair, first class wanker. To be fair.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[James Acaster]

There is a leak because you've come on this podcast and told us everything that's happened.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's good.

[Ed Gamble]

And he doesn't get booked for corporates. Can you imagine?

[James Acaster]

I've done a corporate.

[Rhys James]

Oh, yeah, Done our corporate. Just one.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

I know what corporates are like.

[Rhys James]

What was it for?

[James Acaster]

This is like all corporates. You do it in a cinema and they let you see a film that night for Free. And they give you some food to eat before having a full meal. And you can just wear your normal clothes. You don't have to wear a suit or nothing.

[Rhys James]

The one thing I wouldn't want to do after any corporate I've done is go immediately to the cinema for the rest of the evening with all the people who were at the corporate.

[James Acaster]

I didn't watch it with that.

[Rhys James]

All right, fine.

[James Acaster]

They were just like, whatever film you want to watch.

[Rhys James]

Tell you what, I don't want to be in a cinema with 300 plumbers.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

Watching Trainspotting.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Rhys James]

It's gonna take forever.

[James Acaster]

Watch Super Mario Brothers.

[Rhys James]

Super Mario Brothers. There we go.

[James Acaster]

I love that.

[Ed Gamble]

Sorry, I spoke over that.

[James Acaster]

They're not acting that.

[Rhys James]

They wouldn't dare. It doesn't work like that. He's not even qualified.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, by the way, I'm very excited to hear your menu. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because as far as I'm concerned with you, you eat like a child. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

You know, you. I'd never seen an avocado until you.

[Ed Gamble]

Until May.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Sorry, I keep dropping those.

[James Acaster]

Ed's playing with a coaster for the list.

[Ed Gamble]

Sorry, I dropped the coaster out of shock.

[Rhys James]

I was aware of the. I'd heard the name Ed Gamble. I'd heard the name Ed Gamble because I was wearing your work and I knew you loved avocados.

[Ed Gamble]

The phrase. I'd never seen an avocado until.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, you introduced me, man.

[James Acaster]

That song. I never knew I was looking for love Until I found you. It's a bit like that.

[Rhys James]

You came into my life.

[Ed Gamble]

So what was this occasion to doing the student gigs. Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And you opted for a home salad instead of eating the curry mile or whatever as we would normally do on those trips. And part of that salad was an avocado and you were holding it and I was like, what the hell is this? And you said, this is an avocado. I said, oh, great. I've heard of these. I've never seen. That's why I sort of like. Like a child stood on a stool next to the sort of kitchen side who's trying to observe anything. I was like, show me, Ed, what is it? What's inside this? And you cut it open and like you were talking to a two year old. You were like. So you cut it open and then there's a stone inside. And then you revealed it went. And yes, look, that's a small one. So that's really good because it means you get more avocado. And then I was like, can I try A piece. It was like that level you like.

[Ed Gamble]

All that archive footage of kids in the war sing bananas for the first time. Dandies.

[Rhys James]

Little dandies.

[James Acaster]

Great. That is great.

[Rhys James]

So. So, you know, I can see why you might. You don't remember that, but seeped in somewhere.

[James Acaster]

Menu definitely happened because he said, this is a good one because it's smaller so you get more avocado. Yeah, that's definitely a gamble.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that is me also, if someone said, quickly tell me a Rhys James joke. The one that sticks in my mind as the Rhys James joke is, I'm growing up. I've stopped eating chicken nuggets and I ate chicken goujons, which felt very, very you. That feels like genuinely.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. And that kind of switch from the nuggets to the goujons is the switch from like T shirt and shorts to tux.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

To me. And that's why. That's a big.

[Ed Gamble]

That's a big move.

[Rhys James]

It's a French word.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

So that's why I'm. Because I'm fancy now. So maybe it will be a childish menu. It's up to you to decide whether you think it is. Personally, I think it's pretty grown up menu.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, we've had. Look, we've had lunch. We've had lunch before.

[Rhys James]

I think I've had lunch before.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

No, me and you, we've had lunch together before.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

You took me to a metal restaurant once. A metal restaurant Was a restaurant where they play metal so loud.

[Ed Gamble]

It was Bone Daddies.

[Rhys James]

No, no, no, no. It was Black Axe. Mango.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah.

[Rhys James]

It'S mango. It's next to the Hen and Chickens in Islington.

[Ed Gamble]

It's an amazing restaurant.

[Rhys James]

It was really good. Food was amazing, but I couldn't hear a word.

[Ed Gamble]

They play loud music. Yeah, they play loud hip hop and loud music. But it's a fantastic restaurant. Huge, huge shout out to Black Axemangal.

[Rhys James]

They won't be featuring on this menu.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Rhys James]

This food was great, but.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

We had a patty melt together once.

[Rhys James]

Oh, did we?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

What's that?

[Ed Gamble]

You were excited. You said we should go here.

[Rhys James]

I want to have a party melt. Yeah, Like a sandwich. That's like a burger. Yeah, yeah, Great.

[Ed Gamble]

In that hotel in Holborn.

[Rhys James]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was that the Hoxton? The Hoxton tried to do a sandwich review series for your Radio X show of their Christmas sandwiches. Did two. They were both bad. Stopped sending them in. Didn't want to go anymore. Had a loyalty card. Still didn't bother.

[James Acaster]

Well, they read out the first Two. So everyone knows you quit.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, I slammed these sandwiches, and then it's like, I'm not doing this anymore. It's Christmas.

[James Acaster]

We always start with still, the sparkling water. Reece, do you have a preference?

[Rhys James]

Look, I'd like still water. I'm having sparkling, okay?

[James Acaster]

Is that right? Really?

[Rhys James]

You can't. You got to have bubbles in a tux, I'm afraid. You can't walk into a restaurant like this and say, yeah, just normal tap.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it would look weird.

[Rhys James]

I'm going sparkling.

[James Acaster]

It would look weird if you were gonna have both. No.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Rhys James]

Sold. Everyone else gets it. Dream restaurant can have what you want.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Suddenly I bet the secret ingredient is bread in this one. By the way, you're desperate to kick me out, especially when I'm wearing this.

[James Acaster]

Funny.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you want both? Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Little cup of both?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Little cup of both.

[James Acaster]

Little cup.

[Rhys James]

Because San Pellegrino, the green glass San Pellegrino bottle, that's a classy. Now, that's a classy bottle.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Rhys James]

Tennis fair to say what?

[James Acaster]

It makes you think of tennis fair to say.

[Rhys James]

Tennis.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's fair to say tennis makes.

[Rhys James]

Me think of tennis.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Rhys James]

But I want a little glass of that to start. And then I want to move on to the still version of San Pellegrino, which I think is called. It begins with P, doesn't it? It's not Pellegrino. It's. It's the orange logo. It's got an orange logo. It's like patter or something like that.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I don't think I knew.

[Rhys James]

This is what you would have seen it. White bottle, orange logo. Sorry. Not white. Clear.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Water. Water.

[James Acaster]

Wow. White bottle would be meant really playing up to being a little kid who thinks that clear things are white.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. Little white bosses are nice and warm. Pana. Aquapana. Aquapana.

[Ed Gamble]

Is that the.

[James Acaster]

Oh, so I've seen aquapana.

[Ed Gamble]

Is that the same company that is.

[Rhys James]

The sister drink of the bubbly? San Pellegrino.

[Ed Gamble]

It's the drink.

[James Acaster]

There you go. Actually, more of an adult than we.

[Rhys James]

Gave you credit for because you've seen water before.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, about the sister drinks.

[Rhys James]

I know about the sister drinks.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Well, we'll let you have some Aqua Panama and some San Pellegrino if you like. Brother and sister.

[Ed Gamble]

Brother and sister.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. I love the brother and sister of water. Yeah. What's the mom and dad of water, then?

[James Acaster]

Well, I guess you will be the water daddy in that situation. If you've got both you can call yourself then.

[Rhys James]

I'm the Water Daddy.

[James Acaster]

You can be like. You can just call yourself the Water Daddy.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but then you got to drink your own kids. Yeah, that's weird, right?

[James Acaster]

Would you drink your own kids? We never asked anyone this before.

[Rhys James]

Look, I don't want kids, so I guess so if that's going to get.

[James Acaster]

Rid of them, no harm, no foul.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, you see that as an obliteration of your children.

[Rhys James]

Obliterates the kids. If I'm drinking, yeah, I'm drinking what? I'm drinking them to death, presumably.

[Ed Gamble]

That's true.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You are drinking them today.

[Rhys James]

They live on through piss. I think they live on through piss, don't they? How clear is the piss?

[James Acaster]

I think they're dead by the time they're pissed.

[Ed Gamble]

Rest in piss.

[Rhys James]

Dead by the time they're pissed. Yeah, Rest in piss. Fuck. Sorry for stepping on it. It's fantastic.

[Ed Gamble]

That's all right. It's out there.

[Rhys James]

It's fantastic.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Okay. Yeah. Kill the kids. Rest in piss. That's a fair description of my relationship with not wanting to be a father.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Popnobs or bread. Popnums or bread.

[Rhys James]

Rhys James.

[James Acaster]

Popnobs or bread.

[Rhys James]

I bet it feels good, doesn't it?

[James Acaster]

Shout that.

[Rhys James]

To have someone that you don't respect in the chair again. You've had two, but you've got two. The podcast has got too big for how much you like shouting that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

So there's too many people that you're like, I'm not shouting it, but it is fun.

[Ed Gamble]

It is funnier when it's someone that James really respects and he has the sort of semi show.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. But it's nice for you to get out your system every now and then so that you can go and I presume it's Al Pacino next week or someone that you're not sure to. Joe Pesci's in, I imagine.

[James Acaster]

Well, I have to change my. My mind's because, you know, when it was De Niro, I was like, I don't want to do this.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

And then you have to go to yourself, no, no, listen, this is really funny that you're gonna show it. So I have to change my mind, but I have to forcibly do it. It's not a natural thing.

[Rhys James]

He's an old man, though. Right.

[James Acaster]

I have to be like, come on, this is funny to show.

[Rhys James]

Even thinking that it's Robert De Niro.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

How do you feel about screaming that an old man.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I mean, anything could have happened.

[James Acaster]

There is always. It's on a knife edge when they're old. And when we do get an old one in, I am thinking like if is this the one where I finally kill someone?

[Rhys James]

Would you drink your heroes?

[James Acaster]

Bobby De Niro.

[Rhys James]

All the things he survived in films and stuff for that to be the thing that really kills him in films.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

That's how we see him. I don't know if what he survived in his life, but I imagine he's similar in it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

Well, you know him, your mates with him. Does he carry himself like that?

[Ed Gamble]

Everything he's done in films, he's also done.

[James Acaster]

He's method.

[Rhys James]

When is the bit of this podcast where you pitch stuff for me, by the way, and I choose what I.

[James Acaster]

Want when you do that.

[Rhys James]

Goo Johns, please.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I tell you what, if you did choose to play it like that, we can't tell you.

[Rhys James]

No, there's precedent now.

[James Acaster]

We're not doing that, Rhys. You either choose it or we're not doing this fucking podcast.

[Rhys James]

Get a couple of Oscars under your.

[Ed Gamble]

Belt and we'll do that. Until then, I think we're would say that to Reese.

[James Acaster]

So you know what we say if.

[Ed Gamble]

Re started going, I have whatever's good, like you just pick something.

[Rhys James]

Of course you would because in the same way you just scream that at me as loud as you've ever screamed it. Because you don't respect me and I respect you for not respecting me. Of course I do. Because I wouldn't so hard on the outfit, desperately trying to get a crumb of respect. But I'm waiting for the moment I say bread and you say unlucky. Secret ingredient. Goodbye. You put that on for nothing.

[Ed Gamble]

What do you want to pick then?

[Rhys James]

Well, okay, it's. It's bread.

[James Acaster]

Get out.

[Rhys James]

It's bread. And what I want for the outfit, for the whole vibe is, you know, sort of like fancy focaccia with oil and balsamic vinegar.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And as a dandy who has bit of dandy My whole life.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I did used to go home from sixth form and have that for lunch.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, focaccia for lunch with the oil and the balsamic. And you never saw avocado until you met Ed.

[Rhys James]

I know.

[James Acaster]

This is amazing.

[Rhys James]

Quite beige diet for a very long time.

[Ed Gamble]

You went home.

[Rhys James]

I would take wins there as well. Hey, take friends there.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Oh yeah.

[Rhys James]

So my house is quite.

[Ed Gamble]

Couldn't believe you had friends.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Who's friends?

[Ed Gamble]

Fred.

[James Acaster]

Who were your friends at school?

[Ed Gamble]

I took Rachel, Phoebe, Monica.

[Rhys James]

I took my friend James and Ed, I took my friend Sam there once and was like, mate, let's go have lunch at mine, because my house is quite near the school. Sick of this canteen nonsense.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And the starter would be. I'd have some nice fancy bread, and I would do olive oil and balsamic in a little dish, and we dip it in there while waiting for our dippers to cook. Our dippers would be in the oven. We watch an episode of Flight of the Concords. Dipping our. Dipping our bread.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And then we'd get our nuggets and we dip them in ketchup.

[James Acaster]

Did Sam like Flight of the Concords or were you being like.

[Ed Gamble]

You always focus on the weirdest bit of the story.

[Rhys James]

He was quite happy with the dippers.

[Ed Gamble]

And the bread situation. Absolutely fine with Reece being at school and going home to dip balsamic oil for capture. Because I'll fly the concourse. Tell me more about Sam.

[James Acaster]

It just feels like this whole thing is like Reese has curated the lunch time.

[Ed Gamble]

I see where you are.

[James Acaster]

And Sam is having to go along with it. I'm wondering if you're also, like, you know, as a comedy nerd, you're, like, watching all that stuff, but your friends.

[Rhys James]

Are like, no, I think they were. He was into Flight of the Concords. We like Flight of the Concord. We both liked it.

[Ed Gamble]

How did he feel about the oil and vinegar?

[Rhys James]

I think he. That was one of those things where I was like, mate, if you had this. The thing that you get at the start of every meal if you ever go out. Yeah. You have this. You got to have this. So it's like the promise. I didn't sell it on that. The promise was.

[James Acaster]

I knew. I knew that he'd love have you had this. You got to have this.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

But instantly laughing to himself the way.

[Rhys James]

I would get him back to the house. Not to sound so creepy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

But it's to be like, I've got chips and chicken nuggets in my house. They're not doing proper chips in this canteen. Come back to mine. We'll watch Flight of the Concords. We don't need to be around these other guys. We'll just hang out at mine. You know, these guys are bullies. They won't even make you wear what you want to wear.

[Ed Gamble]

Seems like you're trying to get off them.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, I wasn't trying to get off of them, actually. I swear. And then we would. Then I put those in the oven. You gotta have something while you wait.

[Ed Gamble]

Totally.

[Rhys James]

And the natural thing for me was fancy bread. And I. I was. When I first experienced the sort of oil balsamic thing in a restaurant. I was like, this is the best part of the meal by miles.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Rhys James]

So delicious.

[Ed Gamble]

Look, you're preaching to the conversion.

[Rhys James]

You don't get it so much anymore.

[Ed Gamble]

The day I got a panini maker at home was the day I became the most popular guy of the year.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Oh, did you?

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Who'd you have home?

[Ed Gamble]

Josh.

[James Acaster]

Josh. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

Well, all back to yours.

[James Acaster]

What.

[Rhys James]

What was in the paninis?

[Ed Gamble]

Whatever. Whatever I wanted.

[Rhys James]

Because that's like I can. Breville Toasty Maker 100. Know what you're getting at. Cheese toast for sure. Those little triangles. Yeah, that's popular.

[Ed Gamble]

I love. I've got one of those now.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. I can't believe you.

[Ed Gamble]

I cannot, I cannot wait to break out the Breville.

[Rhys James]

It's amazing.

[Ed Gamble]

Come winter.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Oh, really seasonal for you.

[Ed Gamble]

What? I mean, we've just had a heat wave. But it's 2025. We've just had a heat wave. I don't know what year you're listening to this.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

2022.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Rest in peace to Reese James. That's when we'll be putting out.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Rest in peace. Yeah. I. I can't. I can't be eating one of those. Those pockets of fire in the summer.

[Rhys James]

You could wait a bit. Wait for it to cool down a bit?

[Ed Gamble]

No way. No, then that's all, that's all the fun gone.

[Rhys James]

Blanket. No, we'll not be waiting for anything to cool down ever.

[Ed Gamble]

No, it was, it was like a flat top panini maker thing. So like proper press. Like a press. No, not with the stripes. Just flat. Completely flat.

[James Acaster]

Oh, no, don't rate it.

[Ed Gamble]

That's how you make panini.

[James Acaster]

Not eating that.

[Rhys James]

Don't rate it. I want the stripes.

[Ed Gamble]

The stripes attacking.

[Rhys James]

It's like my tracksuit bottom's gotta have the stripes or people slag me off again.

[James Acaster]

Please. What's a tiger without his stripes exactly?

[Ed Gamble]

A lion.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Oh, God, no.

[Ed Gamble]

Like, probably just mozzarella and ham I'd put in there.

[Rhys James]

Fair enough. And ham. I know the cheese gets hot, but like other ingredients in a toasty or panini do become hot in a way that is. You I've never seen before in any meal.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, the tomatoes.

[James Acaster]

The tomatoes like molten lava.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but I'm not putting fresh tomato and panini. No, it's too much water in it.

[Rhys James]

Even in school before on this podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

You seem to think tomatoes is really water based.

[Ed Gamble]

They're very watery. If you put them in a panini and Then heat them up. Waterlogged rain, you know, rained off. Rained off.

[Rhys James]

Panini's been rained off.

[Ed Gamble]

Play canceled. Yeah, it's Wimbledon. We just had Wimbledon 20, 25. So do you want the focaccia with the oil and balsamic vinegar for your. For your dream bread?

[Rhys James]

I either want that. I don't know what the rules are in terms of how far I can deviate from just bread, because what I want is the chili cheese toast from Dishoom.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

As my bread course.

[James Acaster]

Oh, that's what you want?

[Rhys James]

That's what I want. But I'll happily have the focaccia and oil if that's more in the bread family.

[James Acaster]

Chili cheese toast.

[Ed Gamble]

It's bread.

[James Acaster]

Bread.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, it's cheese.

[Ed Gamble]

Definitely have. We've had people push. Push the boundary way more than that.

[Rhys James]

I've only listened to the Robert De Niro episode.

[Ed Gamble]

The chili cheese toast from Deshum is a great bread course.

[Rhys James]

It's fantastic, isn't it? Only on the breakfast menu, as far as I'm aware of. Right.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And it's with eggs on it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I don't know if you can even get it on on its own, but I love it so much.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I think you can get it separately on. On the menu. Yeah. But with. Not without eggs on it. I think you can get it on the. Right.

[Rhys James]

I don't want it with eggs on it. In this.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I think the rest on it. That can't be. What if you're having bread before a meal? You can't just have. Can I have eggs on it?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, but, yeah, but I guess the bread course is like the breakfast of the mail, right?

[James Acaster]

We'd let you.

[Rhys James]

I don't want to. What? Is this how it works for me? So Robert De Niro, you go. You go, oh, what about this? And he goes, yeah, okay, if it's good.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Catch.

[Rhys James]

Weird catchphrase for me. You go, no, you have to have eggs on it.

[Ed Gamble]

By the way, every course is a good idea.

[Rhys James]

You have to have a couple of eggs.

[Ed Gamble]

And by the way, the secret ingredient is eggs.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, we got you.

[Ed Gamble]

It is on the menu, isn't it? But without eggs on the regular menu. Yeah. Chili cheese toast from Deshoom.

[Rhys James]

Fantastic.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I'll have that.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And I love that. But I always over order it to shoom. And the cheese on toast always feels like a step too far. You're like, I've ordered all of that and now I'm having cheese on toast. I'm having cheese on toast.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah. Because of the chili. It doesn't feel like cheese on toast to me for some reason.

[Ed Gamble]

But it is, isn't it?

[Rhys James]

But it is just cheese on toast with chili in it.

[Ed Gamble]

But it's so delicious.

[Rhys James]

What type of bread is it?

[Ed Gamble]

It feels just like quite a regular bread.

[Rhys James]

Normal bread.

[Ed Gamble]

Normal bread, yeah. Which is right up your street. Normal white sliced loaf.

[Rhys James]

White sliced loaf. Classic. Can't argue with that. I've never had it.

[James Acaster]

I've been to Tashum a lot. Love it. But like. Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Have you been to breakfast there?

[James Acaster]

No. No, I've not done a breakfast.

[Rhys James]

I think I prefer going there for breakfast than.

[Ed Gamble]

Would you want the eggs on this?

[Rhys James]

I don't want the eggs. Stop making me have the eggs. I know it's a secret ingredient.

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[Rhys James]

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[James Acaster]

Your dream starter, Rhys James.

[Rhys James]

Okay. From a place called Billy's in Harpenden, I would like a culinary hotspot. They had a Subway for a while. You know where I about that in the town, by the way.

[Ed Gamble]

You know where I go when I want a great meal? One of London's satellite commuter towns.

[Rhys James]

Can't get a McDonald's off. Can't get a McDonald's there.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Rhys James]

Every time they're like that, my whole childhood, every time any shop closed down, there would be a rumor that's going to be a McDonald's.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And then a week later, there'd be another rumor. The parents shut it down. They wouldn't let it happen.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Rhys James]

They protested. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

The Harpenden parents.

[Rhys James]

And I think my mum was spreading that rumor going, oh, you know what happened? And parents are like, they wouldn't let you have a McDonald's here because of the litter. And then I'd sort of go, can I check your emails.

[Ed Gamble]

Specifically? It's just her all the time.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

It doesn't want McDonald's there, but we did have a Subway. And that was very exciting for a time that was excited when kept me.

[James Acaster]

And got a Subway.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Really excited.

[Ed Gamble]

How is Subway? But in terms of the parents, how is subway better than McDonald's?

[Rhys James]

Do you think they. Because they hadn't heard of it.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[Rhys James]

Because it felt like when it. When it came to Hartman, it felt like it had come direct from Los Angeles.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

It's like I've never seen one before in England.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

It wasn't a burger. It was a sandwich.

[Ed Gamble]

Sandwich.

[Rhys James]

And they can't argue with sandwiches because they've been putting them in your pack.

[Ed Gamble]

Lunches. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, that's true.

[Rhys James]

They can't exactly be like, the sandwiches are unhealthy. You're like, what was this twist? It's like if they opened a malt.

[Ed Gamble]

Loaf restaurant and there's veggies, like, visible when you go in.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. The salad.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Even though they salad in a Big Mac as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Well, and a burger's a sandwich and burgers a sandwich. Although. Is it? I genuinely was in the shower the other day and probably had 10 minutes thinking to myself, do you classify a burger as a sandwich?

[James Acaster]

He has a podcast on his own.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I don't need.

[Rhys James]

He's always thinking of content, this guy.

[James Acaster]

Literally. Get in there.

[Rhys James]

Food questions.

[Ed Gamble]

I wasn't doing it out loud.

[Rhys James]

What about hot dog then? So. So this is where my mind went.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, hot dog sandwich.

[Rhys James]

So maybe it's. If the bread doesn't touch. Hear me out.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Hot dog. It's like a U. Yeah. Of bread.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a year of bread.

[Rhys James]

That's you. That's not a sandwich. But then what's not a sandwich? Filled. It's not a sound.

[Ed Gamble]

It definitely is now.

[Rhys James]

The bread's touch.

[James Acaster]

Definitely.

[Rhys James]

If the bread is separate and there's stuff between it, a sandwich it shall be.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Rhys James]

Burger sandwich.

[James Acaster]

You said it like it rhymes. That doesn't rhyme.

[Rhys James]

I hoped it would. Speaking. I thought. I hope this rhymes.

[Ed Gamble]

May I take you back to the panini or a roll? A filled roll. Quite often they will just slice into the roll. They'll leave a hinge.

[Rhys James]

Negligent.

[Ed Gamble]

They'll leave a hinge and then they'll fill the roll. Is that a sandwich or is a roll a sandwich?

[Rhys James]

Yeah. It is still a sandwich.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Did you say hello in your head when you were doing this to yourself as well? Every now and again. Hello. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And then I tried to wash the bottom of my foot and nearly fell over.

[Rhys James]

And that's the episode.

[James Acaster]

Watch the bottom of your foot.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Try and wash the bottom of my feet, obviously. And then you put the foot down. You're like, this is going to be a really tense minute while I'm slipping around in shower gel here.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And I pick the other foot up. So I'm just on one slippy foot, but.

[Rhys James]

And you're still thinking of the sandwich thing at this point.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm trying to, but I can't keep the episode on track because I'm too worried about falling over in the shower like an old man.

[Rhys James]

Well, it's good to hear you write for these.

[James Acaster]

I didn't know.

[Rhys James]

It really does feel like mock of the week.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Me washing the bottom of my feet is not a scene you'd like to see.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yes.

[Rhys James]

Love that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Smooth.

[Ed Gamble]

No, not smooth at all.

[Rhys James]

They do hinge the subway sandwiches, so. And that is.

[Ed Gamble]

There you go.

[Rhys James]

That's a sandwich. All right. I concede.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Well, in any case, I want to go to Billy's. Not Subway.

[Ed Gamble]

Sorry.

[Rhys James]

Billy's doesn't exist anymore. It's also closed down. They probably think it's going to be a McDonald's there, but it isn't. I'm telling you, it isn't. Billy's was, for all intents and purposes, a bad pub. It was really fun, but I was a child.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

So I thought it was amazing. And actually, when I would eat what I'm gonna have as a starter, which is the buffalo wings and nachos, I want both of them as the starter. There was a year when I was 15, when my parents separated for one year.

[James Acaster]

And just for one year, for one.

[Rhys James]

Year, they had a room.

[Ed Gamble]

Springer.

[Rhys James]

What's that? That sandwich?

[Ed Gamble]

No, it's the Amish tradition of you get to leave the community for a year and go and do whatever you want as long as the promise is you come back and become Amish again.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I did know that about the Amish. I didn't know it was called that. And I knew this much about the Amish.

[Ed Gamble]

I love the Amish.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I keep getting tiktoks at the moment of people going to Amish communities and saying, you have to prepare. The zombies are already in the cities. And the Amish people being like, what? They're going like, honestly. And then there's other ones of them showing brain rot to Amish people.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Like weird memes that just don't make any sense.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Of like, AI stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

How do the Amish people know about zombies? Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Well, maybe there's some explaining they do before it. So there's this thing called zombies. That's the. That's dead.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

But you wouldn't be scared of it. I saw one get. He had an AI video of cats in the Olympics and he showed it to an Amish person and it was all cats going off diving boards and doing flips. And what's interesting about that one is the Amish person is not buying it one bit. Looking at it like. Yeah, so what's this? This is obviously the guy's like, look, you wouldn't expect a cat to do that. Like three flips.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I was supposed to just like.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

It's just in an Apple shop, basically. Sorry. As in literal apples. It's not the Genius Bar. They're actually selling apples. So I know that the Apple Store. It's not the Apple Store.

[James Acaster]

Must have been on his year off.

[Ed Gamble]

People do not.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

That's where they go immediately, as soon as the first day of their year off. Straight in the Apple Store, their head starts vibrating.

[Rhys James]

If you took your Laptop to the.

[Ed Gamble]

Genius Bar and someone was dressed like.

[Rhys James]

An Amish person there.

[Ed Gamble]

You'd be like, oh, I'm fucked.

[Rhys James]

I'm never getting that up top back. They're not going to know what to do.

[Ed Gamble]

I. Sometimes when I see AI videos, I feel like an Amish guy.

[Rhys James]

You think that's real for it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah. And I have to check with Charlie what's. What's AI and what's not. I'll be like, come over here. How can a horse be this small?

[James Acaster]

Come over here.

[Ed Gamble]

How can a horse be this small? Right, well, then. Then I'm. I'm. I'm going to be dead in a year.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. When you fall for an AI thing, it does feel like, well, it's game over for my brain, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

It's. Why when your parents send you one, you're just like, oh, God, it's weird. Different planets now.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Well, my mum got into, like using Chat GPT to make like, pictures of our cat, my cats, and send them to me. So she would just. But she would just speak into it so it wouldn't look anything like them, but she would just say like a sphinx cat next to a Maine coon cat and it's their birthday. And then she would send me. And there's two cats wearing party hats. I don't know, the white cats. I'll be like, what was it with this? She's just like. And she told me about. She was like, it's this website and you just tell it stuff.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. I mean, it's exciting. I got sent to my. My girlfriend's mom sent me a song about my cat that she'd made on AI where she just typed. She found an app where you. They just make. Sings you a song.

[Ed Gamble]

I've never used.

[Rhys James]

Really good.

[Ed Gamble]

I can't believe there's parents using AI I've never used.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, I was like. And I immediately was like. I was making a Radio 4 show at the time. I needed some songs in it. I mean, it was like, what is this website? This is incredible. She didn't even write the lyrics. You just said, there's a boy called Reese and he's got a cat called Tabitha. She's a ginger cat, she's crazy. Write a song about that. And it was like a country and western song that was like, exactly the tune you'd expect it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

It was like a theme tune for the cat, basically that it came back with. And I also. It's like out completely out of the blue, you get that Text from your girlfriend's mum. So what?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I'm just like, what do I do? Thumbs up it and never reply.

[James Acaster]

I thought your cat. I mean, maybe this was a different cat, but I thought Bob Mortimer named your cat.

[Rhys James]

Bob Mortimer named my cat Tabitha Light Source.

[James Acaster]

Okay. There you go.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

I know you expected sort of like Mike Twat or something like that.

[James Acaster]

No, no. I knew it was something like that.

[Ed Gamble]

Disrespectful then, to not say Tabitha Light Source every time you talk about your cat. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Rhys James]

Okay, fine.

[Ed Gamble]

Especially if you've got Bob Mortimer to name your cat.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. It's quite a waste.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Tab. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Fair enough. Okay. Tabitha lightsaber tonight and I'll release the theme tune.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So these buffalo wings.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Bad.

[Rhys James]

No, they're actually. The food was amazing in this place. So this place was a, like, plastic red and white checkered tablecloth place. And I actually don't think the food came in a basket, but if it did, in that kind of diner way, it would not be incongruent with the vibe.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And I knew it as a place that my parents. It was like the place people went out at night. But I'd not done that.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

But it was also the place you'd go in the day.

[Ed Gamble]

Never been out at night.

[Rhys James]

No. It's 15, so I hadn't been.

[Ed Gamble]

No wonder.

[Rhys James]

You like the cool bar you could go to.

[Ed Gamble]

Doesn't make sense.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. It's the opposite. This is the. They don't. They're not. Some of them are a swing in a miss.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

You've got to accept that.

[James Acaster]

Sometimes you have to stop and wash the bottom of his feet sometimes. So he's not always on. He's not. He's not farming them off.

[Rhys James]

You were metaphorically. You had the soap on toe.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

Fair enough. But it's. But the food was amazing. I would go there. We'd go there every Saturday pretty much. With my dad in the separation year.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Rhys James]

The separation me, him and my brother would get.

[Ed Gamble]

It's such a dad separation sometimes.

[Rhys James]

You don't realize that you live in a stereotype until years later. Yeah. You don't realize you're in trope.

[Ed Gamble]

My dad always used to take me to Ed's diner.

[Rhys James]

Oh, there's two on the nose.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But it's good. But it was good back in the day. Ed Steiner.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, it was the first one, wasn't it? I used to go to the diner all the time in London.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Because it was like there was Nothing except Ed Steiner. There was nothing close to it. And now sort of everything. Sort of smash burgers and stuff like that is sort of every place.

[Ed Gamble]

Back then there was Ed Steiner on. I think it was on Kings Road and Johnny Rockets. Now, Johnny Rockets was my favorite, but Johnny Rockets is gone now in Billy's.

[Rhys James]

You had to sign a contract if you wanted a rare stake.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Ed Gamble]

What are you talking about? What are you on about, mate?

[Rhys James]

I think this was a thing at the time.

[Ed Gamble]

It wasn't.

[James Acaster]

No, it wasn't, but.

[Rhys James]

Carry on.

[James Acaster]

No, wasn't the thing at the time.

[Rhys James]

The fajitas were loud, the vibes were electric and you had to sign a contract if you wanted your state rare.

[Ed Gamble]

Fajitas have always been loud.

[Rhys James]

Not as loud as this place.

[Ed Gamble]

What are you talking about?

[Rhys James]

I've never heard them louder. Not before. Not since. I was going to do another attempted rhyme then and I could see that.

[James Acaster]

It was a cracked mangal. As loud as that music?

[Rhys James]

Not as loud as that music. But louder than their fajitas would have been. I'm not saying it's the loudest sound of all time.

[James Acaster]

I'm saying you wouldn't know how loud the fajitas of Black Axe Man Gal.

[Ed Gamble]

How are they making the fajitas louder than other fajitas?

[Rhys James]

Good question. Plates hotter. That's going to be louder.

[Ed Gamble]

Bound to be louder, yeah.

[Rhys James]

The more wood you throw on, the bigger a fire gets.

[Ed Gamble]

Louder it is, yes.

[Rhys James]

Bigger plate. Massive plate of fajitas.

[Ed Gamble]

Are you sure it's not because.

[Rhys James]

No further questions.

[Ed Gamble]

Was it the first time you'd heard fajitas?

[Rhys James]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

So it's the memory. It's the memory of them.

[Rhys James]

Only time I've heard fajitas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really loud, though. Never heard louder.

[James Acaster]

The first time you hear him in a pub as a kid, it is. Everyone stops. Everyone looks. Can't believe how loud that thing is.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah. It's a bit like when a sparkler is coming in, like TGI Fridays or something.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

And the sparkler's in a thing and you're like, what the hell is going on? Food shouldn't make noise like this.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

And the fajitas is the exact same, except there's no fire. So you're like, what is the source of this sound?

[Ed Gamble]

Was your dad trying to explain to you why. Why him and your mum had split up, but you couldn't. He was having to speak over the fajitas.

[Rhys James]

Son, it is your fault.

[James Acaster]

Just for a year, though.

[Ad/Promo Voice]

Whoa.

[Rhys James]

What's all this racket this is incredible. Yeah, well, at the time they didn't know it was just free. They didn't go into it going, yeah, let's do one year old.

[James Acaster]

Are you fully committed to like, we're done stereotype. I've moved Billy's.

[Rhys James]

I'm now your dad. I see you on the weekends and we either go to a football match or we go to the pub. And we have always same starter. Buffalo wings. Best buffalo wings ever. Yes. First ones I've ever had. Also the loudest buffalo wings I've ever had. Nachos. Classic nachos. Really Got all the trimmings.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And then for a main course, I would have a no kissing burger.

[James Acaster]

Sorry, are you saying that's what you would do at Billy's?

[Rhys James]

Yeah, Billy's. I would have. Not kissing for this.

[James Acaster]

Not for this. Dream menu.

[Rhys James]

Not for this. Don't want it for. Just want the starter. The starter is the wings and the nachos. We do share that, the three of us.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I'm gonna say if we're doing dream restaurant, I can have whoever on. I'll let my mum get back involved. She's welcome back. Actually.

[James Acaster]

I don't think it'll be the same.

[Ed Gamble]

I think we're gonna put our foot down and say that your parents separated for the start.

[Rhys James]

Fine. Fine with that.

[James Acaster]

For the start of your parents are still sick.

[Rhys James]

Really? Fine with it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Got an ipod that year.

[James Acaster]

That's good.

[Ed Gamble]

So, you know there's no kissing burger, Reese.

[Rhys James]

It's a burger with caramelized onions in it. So you shouldn't be kissing after it is what is how they were branding it.

[Ed Gamble]

What? I would kiss someone after caramelized onions?

[Rhys James]

Yeah, well, not in village.

[Ed Gamble]

Raw red onions.

[James Acaster]

It's like raw red onion or anything.

[Rhys James]

I'm just telling you the facts. Yeah, but do you believe me now that a restaurant that might call a completely fine to kiss burger, a no kissing burger, might have the loudest fajitas in the biz?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I guess.

[Rhys James]

So this is now possible. This is a novelty restaurant.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And it was a restaurant I associate with kids cracking their head open. Now, I think that's the problem with.

[Ed Gamble]

This episode is everything you say is another five minutes of chat.

[Rhys James]

I think that is if that is a thing that happened a lot and has stopped happening.

[James Acaster]

Sure.

[Rhys James]

When I was a kid, everyone was cracking their head open.

[Ed Gamble]

That's so true.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Every time you went anywhere, kids were running around and the parents weren't looking and someone would fall over and crack.

[Ed Gamble]

Their head open or Knock a tooth.

[Rhys James]

Out and I would. I assumed skull. Skulls are made of nothing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

That's why, you know, I'm so cautious and I'm a dread guy, because I see kids all around me. Kids. Skulls are opening. And I'm thinking while I'm sitting still, I'm not going anywhere.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Do you crack your head open ever?

[Rhys James]

Never. Of course not. Never broke a bone. Nothing.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I'm worried about cracking my head open in the shower.

[Rhys James]

Of course. You should be.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

You're on the cusp.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

But now my brother has kids, I'm often at things where there's loads of kids running around. No one cracks their head open ever.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Wow.

[Rhys James]

What's going on? Have the skulls got thicker, do we think?

[Ed Gamble]

They must have done.

[Rhys James]

A parent's just more attentive. It must be left, maybe.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I cracked my head open how many times?

[James Acaster]

Once tried to get away from my dad when he was washing my hands. And. And I slipped on the water.

[Rhys James]

Slippery hands. You put your hands down.

[James Acaster]

Slipped on the water. Slipped straight out of the door of the kitchen into the. Into the corridor, still flying. And then flew headfirst into the side of the radiator.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[James Acaster]

And then I stood up for. Shook that chump. Sat down in the living room with my brother and sister and my mum and everyone watching tv. And then one of them, I can't remember who. When you've got blood pouring down the side of your head. Wow.

[Rhys James]

What a badass.

[James Acaster]

So I have.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you touch the blood?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So then you got to wash your hands again.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, probably. Yeah. Try to get away. Yeah. Poke my nose.

[Rhys James]

Vision just went slowly red. Like the start.

[James Acaster]

James Bond. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Rhys James]

Coming down your forehead.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Your dream. Main course, Reese. We have had a lovely trip to Billy's there. It's very nice.

[Rhys James]

I will have Birria tacos.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Rhys James]

Specifically from Big Feastival. Have you ever performed at Big Feastival?

[Ed Gamble]

I have. The worst gig I've ever done in my life.

[Rhys James]

Really?

[Ed Gamble]

I was really. It was very far back in the day. So now it's run by. It's Alex, is it?

[Rhys James]

Alex James on Alex James's Farm?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. It wasn't. It was on Clapham Common when I did it. It was Jamie Oliver's thing.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

They booked the comedy for when the gates opened and I was on first on the main stage.

[Rhys James]

On the main stage, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely brilliant.

[Rhys James]

Opening the main stage opening at the moment the gate's open.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So I could just see families coming in from a mile away and I had to beckon them forward to banter.

[James Acaster]

Great.

[Rhys James]

My God.

[Ed Gamble]

Really bad.

[Rhys James]

Impossible.

[Ed Gamble]

Impossible. So when I say it's the worst gig, it's the answer I give. When people ask me, what's the worst gig you've ever done? In reality, it was quite fun because it was impossible.

[Rhys James]

So, yeah. Yeah. Your ceiling becomes very different for what you imagine this gig can be. And it becomes, well, this is 300 plumbers, so I'm happy with any laughs.

[James Acaster]

But we all have to do that. We all get asked what worst gig we've ever done is, and we had to give it basically the most entertainingly unplayable gig we've ever done. Because actually, if we all just say it's a kick I was really looking forward to, and it really went okay. And they basically just didn't laugh. And I just felt like jumping off of a building afterwards, a gig where everyone.

[Rhys James]

It was all set up to be great and everyone else did great and I sort of did fine.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

They're the worst ones.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I felt like those ones where something crazy happens and it's like, well, this was never going to be more than a 4 out of 10. And I kind of got it to there.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

That's being like, well, whatever.

[James Acaster]

Great. It's funny.

[Rhys James]

You switch it off. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Loved it.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. So that's what I want.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And I'd love, actually, if this is the dream restaurant, to be able to watch that before I have this.

[James Acaster]

Absolutely.

[Rhys James]

Because when I had this, Natasha Bedingfield was just there singing Unwritten as I was eating this. So that was pretty special.

[James Acaster]

Special for you.

[Rhys James]

That's pretty special.

[Ed Gamble]

That is the dwabiest thing anyone's ever.

[Rhys James]

Said, but she was miles in the distance, so I could only sort of hear it. I had had a fantastic sex. A great comic.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And I was also. I was in a comedy tent.

[Ed Gamble]

Tent. Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And it's like a proper festival tent. And so. And it was like, really busy and nice.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

It's on just after Marcel Lucon.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

We.

[Rhys James]

He had talked about wine quite a lot because. Food festival.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I thought, I've got no food stuff. Did the goose on joke. Obviously not insane. Brought that back 10 years later.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Then mostly just bance and then go off and then they give you one food token from one stand, even though it's a food festival. So it's like the whole point is go and sample loads of stands. And I just said, what's the best one? And they said, though, that Birria right there, everyone's just talking about that. And I went there straight away and they gave it to me. And they give you the dipping thing as well, like the thing that they make it in.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

The sort of soupy thing that they cook beer and they give you the dipping thing of that. Some sort of pickled red cabbage on the side. And then I was eating it and because I was doing it just outside the comedy tent, I was eating this and everyone was coming up to me out of the comment and going, we just saw you in the comedy tent. That was when I go, yeah, yeah. You've got to get this. You've got to get this. It's the best thing I've ever tasted in my life.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. But do you think all the compliments made it taste better?

[Rhys James]

Oh, yeah. I want to be complimented non stop while eating it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

While Ed dies on his ass.

[Rhys James]

It's dying on his ass.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. Smashing it. She's smashing it.

[Rhys James]

Smashing it over there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And people are flooding from your stage to Bedding field.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Well, there was never enough people watching me at this gig for there to be a flood.

[Rhys James]

Okay, fine. It's a stream of people.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Even a stream. Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Stream level.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

There's a drip of people. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

A drip of people. Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And they're walking past and they're throwing compliment to the dandy and then they're. I'm telling them they've got to eat there. They're going, we're gonna go there later because your recommendations mean something to us. Carrying on to see Beddingfield singing.

[Ed Gamble]

What meat is it?

[Rhys James]

It varies. I think I've only ever had it be beef. I think it can be goat.

[Ed Gamble]

I think it's traditionally goat.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, I think it is. But I've only ever had it be beef and it's.

[Ed Gamble]

Would you have it if it was go. I'm trying to work out how adventurous you are.

[Rhys James]

I would.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

I am actually quite adventurous. The problem is I went to Mexico at the start of the year and my choice of birria is not from Mexico. It's from Alex James's farm.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Which I do appreciate is mental.

[James Acaster]

Yes.

[Rhys James]

That's because got really ill immediately in Mexico. Didn't eat any.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, mate.

[Rhys James]

I instant. Not instantly. I had about five days in Mexico City eating everything. But then one of those things was a street taco from a place called Jenny's Quesadillas, which everyone says, you've got to go to Jenny's Quesadillas. It's the best thing in Mexico. City. And so we did go to where it said that was on a map. Ate there. We're like, everyone there was horrible. The food was terrible. It just seemed impossible. The whole thing just seemed implausible that this was like a recommendation from people I know.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

So we were like, all right, let's not get a second one. Went to a different taco place, like a bit more of a chain, but, like, that was really busy and sort of happening. Started eating in there. It was great. While we were there, my girlfriend looks up the Google reviews of Jenny's quesadillas. All the ones in the last, like, two months are like, this isn't Jenny's quesadillas. Jenny has moved. This made me the illest I've ever.

[Ed Gamble]

Been in my life.

[James Acaster]

Oh, no.

[Ed Gamble]

So you knew it was coming.

[Rhys James]

So we've just eaten there and I'm. I've written a dread memoir. I am a dreader.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

So I'm immediately like. My girlfriend's just like, ah, whatever. Just like, we, you know, it's either gonna happen or it isn't. Nothing we can do about it. It's too late to, like, throw it up or anything like that. So we're just gonna have to try and enjoy ourselves. I'm immediately like, I might as well be ill now because I can't do anything.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Rhys James]

So it might as well happen immediately because I'm just, like, so stressed. I'm barely eating the thing in front of me. I'm thinking, I don't. I don't know what to do. Oh, I am feeling. Actually. Now you say it. Yeah.

[Ad/Promo Voice]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I cannot feel most immediately tummy's bubbling and all that sort of stuff.

[Rhys James]

And then. Yeah. Then it just went. It sort of descended from there. And then it got to a point when I was like, all right, I'm going to the hospital.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

It was because stomach. It was like stabbing pain in the stomach. So this is days later so bad that I'd be on the toilet at 3am thinking, like, put quickly. Urgently putting towels down in front of me because I thought, I will faint fall of this toilet and crack my head open.

[James Acaster]

I'm so scared of cracking my head.

[Ed Gamble]

I might as well be in Billy's. Right.

[Rhys James]

So I was, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Running around Billy's like an idiot.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

So I was doing that and I went to hospital, obviously. Language barrier basically pointed at my stomach, did a thumbs down and was like. And he just. I'd say within 10 minutes, he wrote me seven prescriptions. He spread bet on what it was and One of them worked and then I was fine.

[James Acaster]

You're lucky that worked out, Bruce. You could have gone under the knife, woke up with a fake six pack.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah, like, like rappers.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

This is, this is all right. This is bad.

[Ed Gamble]

I know just the thing.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, I'll sort you out.

[Ed Gamble]

Spread bit.

[Rhys James]

He either has a stomach infection or he wants abs.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And we don't know which one, so we're doing both.

[James Acaster]

Let me have a little look. Yeah, he needs that.

[Rhys James]

Do you remember that man on celeb, big brother who had that? He was a paparazzi guy and he was like a huge guy. Like he had Elon Musk body.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

But he had a fake six pack at the front. But it was like, it was crazy. He'd had it like put in.

[Ed Gamble]

But then if you like just go, I'm just gonna eat whatever I like then.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you end up with a big stomach and then does it push the six pack to the front of the stomach?

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah. So the six pack stays there no matter how large this guy got. And he's quite a large guy.

[Ed Gamble]

I love it.

[Rhys James]

It was amazing.

[Ed Gamble]

That's hilarious. In real life.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, it was fantastic. And he had a big like pink Mohican, didn't he?

[James Acaster]

I think I only remember this because I remember people showing me the six pack thing. It was crazy.

[Rhys James]

This guy, he's fantastic.

[Ed Gamble]

I love who he is.

[Rhys James]

He's probably ethically all over the place because he was.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, imagine. So he doesn't seem like a good guy.

[Rhys James]

I like him.

[Ed Gamble]

Not enough people get plastic surgery for a laugh.

[Rhys James]

Exactly. You know what my dream is? Is to disappear from the comedy scene for a while and come back with a bbl. I would love to come back with a big fat ass and just be like. And not reveal it. And I'd walk up to people face on.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

And they'd be like, oh, I've just dropped something.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, every gig you'd have to come on right from the back of the stage.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And then your first big laugh, you turn around to the side.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just turn around. Knock over the mic stand accidentally on purpose to turn around to the side and they never, never reference it. Well, you'd have to do things out.

[Ed Gamble]

Of the gigs in like three sided audiences. So you get a massive laugh three times.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

That's the dream. So if ever you sort of don't hear from me for a while, that's what I'm doing.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Well, we'll Know, if you. If you say like, you know, I've quit, we'll be like, mix. His family only quit for a year.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, it'll be back in a year.

[Ed Gamble]

He's healing is what's happening. Yeah, yeah, he's healing the bum scars.

[James Acaster]

Those tacos sound great. That's a great main course. Very grown up as well.

[Rhys James]

Thank you. It's still a sandwich, arguably. Would you say a taco?

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, now, no, Surely not.

[Rhys James]

Ooh, Interesting. I find interesting.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it's not bread. Is it?

[James Acaster]

Has to be bread.

[Rhys James]

You're saying it's not bread. Is it not bread?

[Ed Gamble]

It's more of a wrap.

[Rhys James]

What's a wrap? Is wrap not bread. Is wrap not bread.

[Ed Gamble]

Tortillas. Tortillas, not bread.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Okay. It's corn.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

But they also, with birria, which I don't think they do with other tacos, they dip it in the soup as well to fry it. And they fry it in that, don't they? And so the whole thing is just the most flavorful thing in the world.

[James Acaster]

That's crazy.

[Rhys James]

The dip is just so good.

[James Acaster]

So good.

[Rhys James]

But you can't really get a good one in the uk, except from Big Feastival. I think it's called Bab House, they're called. And I genuinely don't think you can get them anywhere else.

[James Acaster]

I think you can get other ones in the uk, though, as good. Not just a big festival.

[Ed Gamble]

I saw you have beer tacos.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

At the Lone Star in Buxton.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. And that's in the uk. And they were absolutely amazing. And we were on the run and we only got.

[Ed Gamble]

He only got halfway through them because we had to leave.

[Rhys James]

Did it feel better because you're on the run, though?

[James Acaster]

No, no, it felt better.

[Rhys James]

That's a risky genre of food to go for on the run.

[James Acaster]

I thought. I thought we'd all chilled out for a bit, so it felt better because I was like, we're all relaxing and.

[Ed Gamble]

Then we had to run back to the Scout Hut to get all us done.

[Ad/Promo Voice]

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[Rhys James]

Months?

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[James Acaster]

Your dream side dish, Rhys.

[Rhys James]

Well, this is from Mexico.

[Ed Gamble]

Is it poopy food?

[Rhys James]

This is in the. Well, in the T. So a little bit my. My palette. So we then went to Oaxaca City after Mexico City.

[Ed Gamble]

This is very. By the way, a lot of the things you've picked are way spicier than I thought you'd go for.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, well, you haven't heard dishes well done, young mate. You're not gonna like what this dish is one bit, but towards the 10, I went to Oaxaca City, right. And I'd been really ill, and so my palate for Mexican food. Also Oaxaca City is the home of mole. You know, mole is like, incredibly rich, often quite spicy, and the last thing you want if you've been in your brains out for the last week. And my palate has changed to not want the taste of Mexican food.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And now I'm in Oaxaca City, which is a city, but is much more of a remote feeling place than Mexico City. They have a lot more traditional dishes and you can't get. It's not like being in London or Leeds where it's all the same things. You can have. You can't get loads.

[James Acaster]

It's not like London. I've not been to Oaxaca City, but I understand it's not like London or.

[Ed Gamble]

Leeds, the two most metropolitan between London, Leeds.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, okay. I thought. I thought you were giving two examples of metropolitan cities.

[Rhys James]

No, what I meant was you can leave London and go to Leeds and get all the same stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, okay.

[Rhys James]

But just different versions of the same stuff. But five guys will be in both. Now, I understand this is not like that. It's like leaving London and going to Oaxaca City.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's completely different stuff in London.

[Rhys James]

I'm struggling. Yeah, it's not like that. And it's spelled differently as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Oax. But so what I Did for sort of safety for a bit, but also because I had my palate changed, I was like, right, I want to have pizzas, so I would just have a pizza. Then I found out there's a certain type of cheese in Oaxaca City that isn't pasteurized, and so our stomach can't process it. And it made me way more ill. Oh, wow. Yeah. Wacky cheese is delicious. But it's illegal to bring to the uk. Is it because it's not pasteurized in the right way? And it can be. I don't know.

[James Acaster]

Right. Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I don't know anything.

[Ed Gamble]

I think you can get it in the uk. It's America who have different rules on pasteurization.

[Rhys James]

Right.

[Ed Gamble]

You probably can't get it in America.

[Rhys James]

But either way, it was.

[Ed Gamble]

It made you sick with me even more.

[Rhys James]

And I didn't know what was going on and why, because I thought. But I'm playing it safe. Then we went to this really fancy restaurant on the last day.

[Ed Gamble]

Also.

[Rhys James]

My girlfriend's fine throughout all of this, by the way, of course, called Levandra de Ola. And it's really interesting fancy Mexican dishes. But I was really trying my best because it was the last day and it was just like, whatever. And this one that came out was just every type of tomato in Mexico. And they came over and it was like, it's the most amazing plate of food I've ever seen in my life. Even though it's just tomatoes, which you think I had a plate of water.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

But I mean, it was the fresh. They were on.

[Ed Gamble]

It was it in a panini.

[Rhys James]

It was. They weren't hot then.

[Ed Gamble]

Shut your mouth.

[Rhys James]

Secret ingredient.

[Ed Gamble]

Hot tomato.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

They were so amazing. And they were all like. There were green ones, there were red ones. I wouldn't be surprised if there was.

[Ed Gamble]

A blue one on there. Yeah. Yeah, I would be. Yeah.

[Rhys James]

There wasn't a blue one. They came along and they were like, those ones will be sweet, those ones will be sour. Those ones will be in between. They were just describing. And with better language than that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

But it was basically Star Mix, but for tomatoes.

[James Acaster]

I see.

[Rhys James]

You know what I mean? I was like. I had a whole.

[Ed Gamble]

Is that how they said.

[Rhys James]

Describes it to you as well, These are tankfastics. These are.

[Ed Gamble]

One look at you and they went, I recognize him from the packet.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, exactly. And then it was on like a. Underneath, it was like a beetroot puree thing. It was also quite sweet. And just every single one, like, you know, then we're having fun because we're going. What's your favorite one? Oh, I like those ones. Are you. And they also the fact you have.

[Ed Gamble]

To say that about your girlfriend. We're having fun and then we're having fun. They were having fun because we manufactured a conversation about the dish we were eating.

[James Acaster]

What's your favorite one?

[Ed Gamble]

Hello, darling. What's your favorite one?

[Rhys James]

My dad took me to Billy's every Saturday.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

What's your favorite wig?

[James Acaster]

What's your favorite wing?

[Rhys James]

What's your favorite? I know me and you. I'm not together anymore, but we can still have fun with food and then. But they're all different shapes as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

You know what I mean? Some of them were flower type shapes.

[Ed Gamble]

What's your favorite shapes?

[Rhys James]

What's favorite shape, favorite flavor?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And then some of them were little tiny, little tiny sort of pellet sized tomatoes. Yeah, some of them.

[Ed Gamble]

It sounds incredible. It sounds genuinely incredible.

[Rhys James]

Would you like to see a picture?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

Is this going to be a joke?

[James Acaster]

Cracking his head open at Billy's?

[Ed Gamble]

Wow, that is beautiful.

[James Acaster]

Real nice.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, that's what it looks like.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm into it. Benito loves it.

[Rhys James]

Absolutely amazing.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

That's what I want as a side dish to the it.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

So Mexican themed, but only one of them actually from Mexico. Your dream drink, Kel's Orange Soda.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. Finally someone picks this.

[Ed Gamble]

Finally.

[Rhys James]

No one before.

[James Acaster]

No one's picked Kel's Orange Soda.

[Rhys James]

I don't know whether I want to be Kel for it or not.

[James Acaster]

I don't know, his life seems pretty stressful.

[Rhys James]

But this is a soda that has defined a man.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

He's. One character trait of this guy is he likes this drink and everyone thinks.

[Ed Gamble]

He'S dead all the time.

[Rhys James]

That's in real life.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Okay.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

If you have him on.

[Ed Gamble]

If we have him.

[Rhys James]

If you have him on this.

[Ed Gamble]

What drinks we can't have him on. He's dead. He's died.

[Rhys James]

He hasn't died. That's like the Frosty's kid. Frosty's Kid. That your generation?

[Ed Gamble]

Frosty's Kid. It's a tiger race.

[Rhys James]

It's the kid who is in there gonna taste great advert. Remember him?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, right.

[Rhys James]

They're gonna taste great.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I do remember that.

[Rhys James]

Everyone says these days, dead, killed himself. That's what everyone said at school. Said he got so much abuse of people taking the piss out in the playground saying he's gonna taste great, that he took his own life. That's what people said at school. And then, then another rumor where I'm like, no, he just moved to South Africa.

[James Acaster]

Wow.

[Rhys James]

That's what went around my school. Yeah. It must be the same as the Kel one that Kell's dead. That must have gone around school.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I mean. Yeah, yeah. It does surrounds every. Every couple of years.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Every couple of years. Still going.

[James Acaster]

People still going about Kell's being dead.

[Rhys James]

But it's getting to a point where it's not about that. You know, he's getting to an age where it's not that shocking.

[Ed Gamble]

No. And the. The real. The real sadness is that Keenan's on TV all the time.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So there's. We can never. We can never suggest.

[Rhys James]

Well, Kel's an addict, remember, He's. He's addicted to this orange soda.

[James Acaster]

So he is.

[Rhys James]

He's let it get the best of him. And that's why I would like to experience it as me first to be like, is this man insane? Then I'd like to be Kel because just to love anything as much as he loves this thing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

It's certainly eccentric. He's not like. He's a. He's a bit bonkers.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So like, you gotta take it with.

[Rhys James]

A pinch of salt.

[James Acaster]

Expect it's going to be like. I mean, it does look like a bright and more vivid orange than any other orange soda I've seen. It does look.

[Rhys James]

Thanks, Jamie Oliver. He put paid to that in this country, didn't he?

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

The Sunny D days growing up, it feels like a sort of similar to.

[Ed Gamble]

Those Sunny Day, kid.

[Rhys James]

Look, I don't think I was allowed.

[Ed Gamble]

Sunny D. I wasn't allowed Sunny D.

[Rhys James]

I wasn't allowed to watch 15s and I wasn't allowed Sunny D. I had.

[Ed Gamble]

One sip of Sunny D once. I thought it genuinely tasted like piss. I'm not going. I wouldn't. I didn't go near Sunny D after that.

[James Acaster]

Really.

[Rhys James]

It did taste delicious.

[Ed Gamble]

It was horrible.

[Rhys James]

It was amazing. But I would not have been allowed that.

[James Acaster]

I think I loved the Florida one. There was Florida and California flavors, of.

[Ed Gamble]

Course, you know the difference.

[James Acaster]

And. But like, we had to really pester our parents for a long time before we got a Sunny D. And even then it was like, okay, one a year. Like, you're not having enough.

[Rhys James]

Like, Right.

[James Acaster]

Like that's not. We're not going nuts with this. This is crazy.

[Rhys James]

I would have been the same, I think.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Same with. Yeah. Things. I pestered my parents for that. And can I see Austin Powers begging my parents to let me do the.

[James Acaster]

First one or the second one?

[Rhys James]

Don't know. I think when Austin Powers first came out, I would have been there. Absolutely. There's a thing in the book about how much I used to lie specifically to my friends about how I've seen bits of Austin Powers.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Because they would go, oh, have you seen. I go, yeah. And then they'd go, oh, this bit when he goes down. Yeah. That's not one of the bits. Even though it was only out in cinema.

[Ed Gamble]

You invented tick tock, so.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, exactly. I watched it in YouTube shorts. Yeah. But it was only in cinema. So, you know, if you see a bit, you've only seen bits of it, then you're running out of the cinema every five minutes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

That's crazy the line ever held up. But I would have done the same with. I'd been like, oh, Sonny D's. Well, nice.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Because I would have saved face non stop still. Yeah, I would have saved. I've never had those tomatoes in my life, but I would have saved.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, I've have been done by AI again, haven't I?

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Rhys James]

There's only one type of tomato head chat GPT.

[Ed Gamble]

Show me a plate of lovely tomatoes.

[Rhys James]

Show me loads of tomatoes. Chuck a blue one in there. Kel's orange soda, though, I feel like it's. I think you do see that color orange in different countries still maybe.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, we've talked about Nigerian Fanta on.

[Rhys James]

The podcast a lot, so it's probably that, isn't it? Effectively.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

It's probably unbranded Nickelodeon.

[Ed Gamble]

It was the color of the Nickelodeon logo. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Was Keenan to get on Nickelodeon? Is this all going to be a secret?

[James Acaster]

Because it was.

[Rhys James]

We've been duped by a secret brand time.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it was definitely on Nickelodeon because.

[Rhys James]

They had the nicknick.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. They said that Nick the nicknick Fig in their theme song, didn't they?

[Rhys James]

Yeah. Filmed in front of a live studio audience. I feel like it was then just straight into Nick the Nick. Nick the Nick. Nick.

[Ed Gamble]

Nick.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

This the same color as the nickel. I can't believe we've been duped.

[Ed Gamble]

This is turned into a whole different podcast.

[Rhys James]

Oh, my God.

[Ed Gamble]

This is an investigative podcast.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. This is this American life. We've changed to this American lifestyle podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

What do you imagine it tastes like? Or do you just want. You want to be that passionate about something?

[Rhys James]

I do want to be that passionate about something. I want to love something as much as. As Kel loves that orange.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Right. I mean, you've got a girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah.

[Rhys James]

It would be psychotic.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

As much as Keller.

[Ed Gamble]

That would be wild.

[James Acaster]

Really?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I've done my girlfriend just running around screaming how much you love your girlfriend to everyone.

[James Acaster]

I feel forgot how much.

[Rhys James]

Caleb, when people love another person, they say, I do. Once. Kel says it six times every time. I do, I do, I do. I imagine saying that in your vows. If you married Kel, you'd feel disappointed because he would just go, yeah, I do.

[James Acaster]

If that guy's married, he must know why he didn't do that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I'd imagine his partner had a word with him beforehand and went, please don't.

[Rhys James]

Make it about you. If I was marrying him, I would do it before he could. Yeah, you get a laugh.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, that's better. If they got married, his partner did it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Great.

[Ed Gamble]

Like, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Everyone would be like, that's funny. Yeah. If he does it, it's. Oh, no. Keenan was probably the celebrant.

[Rhys James]

Wow.

[James Acaster]

Best man. Minimum.

[Rhys James]

His catchphrase was, why was it.

[Ed Gamble]

I never really watched it.

[James Acaster]

Watched it all the time.

[Rhys James]

So it's this show. There's a guy. His main thing about him.

[Ed Gamble]

I like the front of curtain stuff. They did front of curtains very well. No, this is not just a musical tradition.

[Rhys James]

My first time I saw it. Mighty booth. Yeah. I think it would just be. It just must just be really sweet.

[Ed Gamble]

I send you mad as well.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But E numbers and like, just like. Yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

There's a real chance I'm cracking my head open after drinking it because I'm sprinting around.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah.

[James Acaster]

I think is that'd be a good thing for you.

[Rhys James]

Crack my head open.

[James Acaster]

I think you just got to get it done and then you won't be scared of it anymore.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I'm breaking a bone. I'm the same. Never broken a bone.

[Rhys James]

And do you feel like I'm worried holding you back?

[Ed Gamble]

I worry about it every day.

[Rhys James]

Does it stop you doing certain activities?

[Ed Gamble]

Like, what am I doing now?

[Rhys James]

Bungee.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I wouldn't do bungee anyway.

[Rhys James]

Stupid skydive.

[Ed Gamble]

Wouldn't do it anyway. Stupid. Also, if I'm doing a skydive, I'm not worrying about a broken bone.

[Rhys James]

What are you worrying about?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, if I hit the floor, it's not just gonna be my bones that are broken.

[Rhys James]

Ah, I've broken my bones.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, no.

[James Acaster]

Oh, no.

[Rhys James]

My bones are broken.

[Ed Gamble]

I've broken my toe because I landed from a plane jump.

[Rhys James]

Okay, fine. What about certain sports? You wouldn't. Don't want to do them anyway.

[James Acaster]

No.

[Rhys James]

You can break a leg playing football.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but I wouldn't do that. Anyway.

[James Acaster]

I think it was mate. Stag do. And didn't play football when everyone else was playing football.

[Ed Gamble]

I was, I was injured. I, I do. I do. What? Deadlifting.

[Rhys James]

So you were deadlift.

[Ed Gamble]

I would deadlift. But how do you break a bone deadlifting yourself?

[Rhys James]

Lifted too hard. Drop it.

[Ed Gamble]

Drop.

[Rhys James]

Lift it. Wrong move. Weirdly quickly decide to wash your foot while you're doing it. Drop the weight on your toe.

[Ed Gamble]

I do strike. But the idea. I, I, I don't worry about doing things because I might break a bone. I worry about what it would feel like if I broke one.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think I'd be able to cope with it.

[James Acaster]

Bad. I think it feel bad.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Have you ever broken a bone? Scratch his head.

[James Acaster]

Quite my arm when I was a kid pretending to be a zombie walking down the stairs.

[Ed Gamble]

Amish scam.

[James Acaster]

Scaring the Amish. Just scaring the local Amish people.

[Rhys James]

How did that happen then? So you.

[James Acaster]

And then you film one of the arms out. 10 to be a zombie.

[Ed Gamble]

We've not heard this before. Haven't we?

[James Acaster]

And then the kite and I fell. Fell down the stairs. But my arm. So because I didn't. And you would change how my arms were.

[Ed Gamble]

You committed so hard to the zombie that you didn't move your arms.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, but you.

[Rhys James]

The whole point of like arms is that it breaks your fall. So you want to get them out if you're going to fall. You want to get your arms out quickly. Exactly the position they'd already have been.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But you don't start with them like that.

[Rhys James]

See. But you've got them locked and loaded ready to go just to break your fall.

[Ed Gamble]

We broke his arm.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, he did.

[James Acaster]

In the end. I was too young to understand what the term break your fool means. I don't even remember it. I was just told it by. You know. It's like I've ever seen photos of myself with a broken arm as a little kid and had to ask what happened?

[Rhys James]

What's going on there.

[James Acaster]

They were like, you've been a zombie.

[Rhys James]

So we broke your arm.

[James Acaster]

That's the only bone I broke though.

[Ed Gamble]

I think. Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. There was just like it was always, it always seemed like. And this probably isn't true and is another fake school memory. Always seemed like there was like a kid at school who had a bone sticking out of their leg. I don't mean generally. I mean it's like. Have you heard? Tristan fell over this morning and broke his leg. And the bones. The shin sticking out the top of it and that would just go around and then you'd. What happened is you'd imagine that and make the thing you imagined your memory of it and think, I saw that and it was awful. So now I know that can happen, even though it didn't and it was just a fake memory.

[Ed Gamble]

I think I have said this on the podcast before, but I'm gonna say it again just in case. My mum. You know that thing of if you don't make that stupid face, if the wind changes, it'll stay like that.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

My mum for a long time was like, that happened to a girl at my school.

[Rhys James]

Wait. But genuinely believed it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

She was like, let herself believe it into adulthood.

[Ed Gamble]

She went. She. We all broke up for the summer. We came back and her face was different because the wind had changed.

[Rhys James]

And when. At what point did she clock that it was.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't. I think she still probably slightly maintains things.

[Rhys James]

You've taken the piss out of her for it, but she still harbors a belief that that's real.

[Ed Gamble]

If you don't want to believe it, you don't have to. But it definitely happened like that.

[Rhys James]

Sort of.

[James Acaster]

I love that.

[Rhys James]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Eyes go square in front of the TV kind of thing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. That would be crazy.

[Rhys James]

Wouldn't it be brilliant? When I was told stuff like that, I would think this would be amazing. I'll be the only one with square eyes. Everyone's going to think I'm so cool.

[James Acaster]

Really? You're someone who go, oh, cool. Lisa's got square eyes now.

[Rhys James]

I wanted braces when I was a kid because I thought, braces are sick. I said, braces are so cool. But it's because I was 10 and teenagers had braces, I think.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

If there was a team, you've never had braces. I did have braces.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. And how did you feel when you got the braces?

[Rhys James]

I protested and said, I like my teeth as they are. I like looking distinctive.

[James Acaster]

Did you?

[Rhys James]

Yeah. But it was a lie. The last thing I wanted to do was stand out right at that time, once I've become a teenager, but I just was scared of getting the braces on.

[James Acaster]

So I just said, got some good news for you. You still look distinctive, Reese.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

They've maintained, but they didn't finish. He said it was never finished. I kept breaking it because I would chew pens and stuff and I would always break the brackets off. I got to 18 with them on.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[Rhys James]

Or like about to be 18 in a week or something. And then he was Just like. I'll just take him off. Yeah, they stay good enough. I'll take him off. But he did say they're not done yet.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And I'm sort of like, what? What else can you do?

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I mean, straight. I've ever seen.

[Rhys James]

They are straight. I think they stick out a bit like that.

[James Acaster]

Oh, is that what.

[Rhys James]

I think it must be that.

[James Acaster]

So you can't see it from the front. It's like there's something. But if you turn to the side. Turn to the side and then we can see.

[Rhys James]

All my secrets are revealed. If I turn to the side, you know everything about me.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

As long as I'm face on you're ceiling, I'm concealing a lot.

[Ed Gamble]

Your silhouette. When you get that butt lift, it's gonna be amazing.

[Rhys James]

Teeth poking out the front like a beak. Butt lift. Like I just look like a duck.

[James Acaster]

That's just exactly, exactly like a duck.

[Rhys James]

I've got the exact silhouette of a duck.

[James Acaster]

People go, that's the. Everyone comedians. You have a distinctive silhouette, but only side on. Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Normal default guy side on duck.

[James Acaster]

Everyone is that story. That's my.

[Rhys James]

So my Richard Osmond house games thing. You're like, that could be anyone.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

But suddenly if you. But hole in the wall.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

It's got to be a duck shape or I'm not getting through it.

[James Acaster]

Your dream dessert, Reese?

[Rhys James]

Well, I want butterscotch angel delight, but that was a. David Tenant had that, and loads of people have had that, so I won't have it. I'll have another thing that I used to have a lot when I was a kid and that I invented, and that is oven Yorkshire puddings.

[James Acaster]

Oh, God, here we go.

[Rhys James]

Oven. Is this the. Is this secret ingredient, Terry?

[James Acaster]

No. Ed famously doesn't like Yorkshire puddings. Hates them. So you've got a lot to do here.

[Rhys James]

You hate them on a roast or something.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but I think I'm gonna hate them here as well. But carry on.

[Rhys James]

May I introduce you to someone called Aunt Bessie? Okay.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Little packet of oven Yorkshire puddings. They're sort of like smaller than hand size.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Three of them. Scoop of vanilla ice cream in each, golden syrup over the top of them, and on the side, I want a punnet of glace cherries.

[Ed Gamble]

So you invented this?

[Rhys James]

I started this.

[James Acaster]

Has it got a name?

[Ed Gamble]

It's a Dutch baby. Look it up. Bonito. Look it up. Dutch baby.

[Rhys James]

Dutch baby.

[Ed Gamble]

Look up Dutch baby dessert. Dutch baby dessert.

[Rhys James]

It's a Dutch baby.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it's similar. Carry on.

[Rhys James]

Is it all similar. Yeah, So I didn't.

[Ed Gamble]

So. So I did invent, well, the cherries and the maple syrup. I guess you'll.

[Rhys James]

You'll throw golden syrup. I'm talking Lyle's paint tin of golden syrup.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

That takes ages to drip on the thing.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it takes ages to open if you used it once.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, exactly, because what's in the tip. Yeah, it's a seal. It's resealed itself, and it's completely stuck.

[Ed Gamble]

To the back of the benito. Look up Dutch baby.

[Rhys James]

And I. Glace cherries. I'm not putting them on top of.

[James Acaster]

He's doing it.

[Ed Gamble]

I do want to check. So I think I might be wrong.

[James Acaster]

I think for me, I'm a dessert boy. I love desserts.

[Rhys James]

But this sounds terrible.

[James Acaster]

I was very excited at the Yorkshire pudding with the ice cream in it. And then when you added the syrup and the cherries, I thought, that's.

[Rhys James]

Cherries are not on it. Cherries are a side. Cherries are on the side.

[Ed Gamble]

You're eating them.

[Rhys James]

I'm eating them, but not at the same time. Pop a cherry while I wait for the Bessies. First Bessie down. Palate cleanser. Second Bessie down. No, I don't need one for this time. And then I'll finish the punnet afterwards. Glace cherries are the most delicious thing that's ever been invented. And more food should be glass aid.

[Ed Gamble]

I do like glass a cherries. I do like them. I like that. My favorite. I don't know what the cherries are. They put in cocktails. I like those ones the best.

[James Acaster]

They're better.

[Rhys James]

That's classic, isn't it?

[James Acaster]

No, you're thinking of, like, classic ones are the ones that are on top of a Bakewell tart.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, that's what I'm getting at. That's what I would have in the angel Delight. If I had that basket. I'd have that, and I'd have like hundreds and thousand or something like that. But is this a Dutch baby?

[James Acaster]

Dutch baby pancake.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but that's.

[Rhys James]

Oh, pancake. Have I said the word pancake at any point? I think so.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, what do you think Yorkshire pudding is, you absolute. It's pancake batter. It's pancake batter without sugar in it.

[Rhys James]

Oh, we're back to. Is this a sandwich? Are we. Oh, is this a pancake?

[Ed Gamble]

No, this is what I wanted to check.

[Rhys James]

Oh, you know, I'm up on my roast. Yeah. I'm gonna have a lovely joint of beef. I'm gonna have carrots. I'm gonna have potatoes. I can have a pancake on there.

[Ed Gamble]

Re my love.

[Rhys James]

Has anyone ever.

[Ed Gamble]

Will you just read out the first paragraph?

[Rhys James]

I would never read anything. A Dutch baby pancake, sometimes called a German pancake. A Bismarck. I'm not saying that that's genuinely a slur. A hooligan or a hootenanny is a dish that is yummy.

[Ed Gamble]

No, read out the last.

[Rhys James]

Similar to a large Yorkshire pudding.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you.

[Rhys James]

Doesn't have ice cream in it.

[Ed Gamble]

You can put ice cream on it.

[Ad/Promo Voice]

Oh.

[Rhys James]

What? So sorry, I'm not claiming to have invented the Yorkshire.

[Ed Gamble]

Last time I had a Dutch baby, I had ice cream on it.

[Rhys James]

I didn't say that. Saying.

[James Acaster]

Don't stop. Bury the headline here. Ed had a Dutch baby. He came to hate Yorkshire puddings.

[Rhys James]

Oh, Dutch baby lover.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I had it because I was with Chloe pets and she wanted to have a Dutch baby.

[Rhys James]

Did she even read what the description of what it was or did she just go dutch baby having that?

[Ed Gamble]

Dutch baby having that.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It was at One Club Row, which is an excellent restaurant and it was quite different.

[Rhys James]

I have it there as well, actually.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Oh, and I've had that. And it's nothing like this. It's nothing like this. I've had that. I got the Dutch baby there for that exact same reason. And when I got it.

[Ed Gamble]

Sorry. So you have had a Dutch baby.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Sounds great.

[Ad/Promo Voice]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

But there's nothing like what this is.

[Ed Gamble]

But the base is a Yorkshire pudding.

[Rhys James]

This tastes more like. At Mr. Wong's in Melbourne they do deep fried ice cream. I'm sure they do this loads of places. The only place I've ever had it. And it's like a ball of ice cream that is in batter. Sydney. Is that in Sydney?

[Ed Gamble]

I think so.

[Rhys James]

Could there be more than one?

[Ed Gamble]

Could there? There definitely could be. Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Let us find out. We googled Dutch baby. We can google Mr. Wong. South Acton. South Acton. Sorry. At least the ones in Southampton.

[James Acaster]

You've got to keep yourself.

[Ed Gamble]

You've got to keep yourself in that.

[James Acaster]

You got to keep yourself in. It's gonna be in this episode.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, me quibbling over where Mr. Wong.

[Rhys James]

Anyway. Yeah. So yeah, it. But they also. The ice cream fills the. So the art. Bessie's Yorkshire puddings have like a. The valley of them is very uniform warm because they're frozen Yorkshire puddings that you heat up and it's just like the exact size of a scoop of ice cream.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that's cool.

[Rhys James]

So it completely fills it and then you can. You know, I was knife and fork actually. I think for this in a bowl, chasing it around the bowl. But sometimes, you know, if I felt like it, I'm having it like a sandwich.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And, yeah, I will accept that it's a sandwich. Even though it's hinged at the bottom.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

That the most incredible flavor. It's got to be basic vanilla ice cream. Like, the most basic possible. I tried it with that Madagascan cartoon one. It's just too bougie.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, really? You can't have the bougie ice cream with it.

[Rhys James]

It's got to be, like, basic, like, supermarket vanilla. Cheapest one.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Tupperware that might.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Yellow. Yeah. Like kids want.

[Ed Gamble]

The flavor is yellow.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's perfect. Because the flavor's coming from the syrup. Really?

[Ed Gamble]

Like all that ice cream. There's some ice cream that's so bad that it's vegan, but it's not accidentally vegan. It's not like this is vegan ice cream. It's just. It's marketed as ice cream. It's not marketed as vegan. Vegan. There's just so little in it. Yeah, this is vegan.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, that one tends to be, like, stark white.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So white. It's called, like, Swedish block or something.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Very disappointing when you're an ice cream addicted kid and you get given that and you're like, here we go. Best part of the day. What the is this?

[Rhys James]

Swedish block. Swedish block on your Dutch baby. Yeah, we're back in the year. That's why we left. Because of all that red tape from the Swedish blocking of that famous. People in previous generations had too many bad experiences with desserts and weird definitions of them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

What is a pancake, then? And we just went to. Forget it. Let's get out. If they said that in the campaign, I'd have voted leave.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

If they told me that. If I'd had this conversation where you've accused me of stealing from the Dutch.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. It's a Dutch baby.

[Rhys James]

It's not a Dutch baby. It was a Dutch baby in that one restaurant that says Wikipedia says a Dutch baby is just the Yorkshire pudding thing. I did not say I am Aunt Bessie. I said I've invented wind the back of this combination.

[James Acaster]

All right, well, I hope that after this podcast has gone out, the people shout Dutch baby at you in the street, because I think people who haven't listened to the podcast will think it's an appropriate insult. You do look a bit like a Dutch baby.

[Ed Gamble]

You could be a Dutch baby.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

I'm gonna admit it with that.

[Rhys James]

I've had Harry by kid and Dutch baby.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Dandy not called you a ghost the whole time. Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Get called a ghost sometimes.

[Rhys James]

He likes to go with that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, he likes it. I do like it.

[Rhys James]

Victorian ghost told me ghost of a boy who died in a coal mine when.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Ghost of. Ghost of you when you died in a coal mine when you were 12.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

That's what he called me on national television.

[Ed Gamble]

Quite complicated, but it made the edit.

[Rhys James]

All because he didn't want to have to talk about Jeremy Corbyn. Jeremy Corbyn comes up, picture of him. We've got nothing to say about that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

He goes and we look like brothers. We look like brothers, don't we? 10 minutes of the show down. That's all in the edit.

[Ed Gamble]

Loved it.

[James Acaster]

I remember the Corbin years.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Always straight into something about someone on the panel instead.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Rick, so I'm going to read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. You would like. You're going to be double parked here. The San Pellegrino and the aquapana.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, please.

[James Acaster]

The water Daddy Popcombs or bread. You want the chili cheese toast from Deshume starter buffalo wings and nachos from Billy's in Harpington. Main course Birria tacos from the Bab House. House at the big feastival side dish, Oaxacan tomatoes with beetroot puree from Lavendra D'. Olla. Lavendra D'.

[Rhys James]

Olla.

[James Acaster]

Drink Kell's orange soda. Dessert free. Aunt Bessie's Yorkshire puddings, a scoop of vanilla ice cream with golden syrup and glacier cherries. Glassier cherries. AKA.

[Rhys James]

I was so happy about the menu until then.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a really nice menu.

[Rhys James]

You happy with that?

[Ed Gamble]

Hand on my heart. Even just before James read it out, I would have said it's going to be a bad menu.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Having sat through it all. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Having sat through it.

[Rhys James]

This will be terrible.

[Ed Gamble]

Really fun chat but very chaotic. At no point during it did. I think Reece is doing a good menu here.

[James Acaster]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And it's been read out. It's really nice.

[James Acaster]

Apart from the starter, the chili cheese.

[Rhys James]

Toast, the wings and nachos.

[Ed Gamble]

I bet they're great.

[Rhys James]

They're lovely.

[Ed Gamble]

Sometimes you just like that.

[James Acaster]

Sounds gross.

[Ed Gamble]

I love fake American food.

[Rhys James]

You got to eat out of baskets.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Oh, you won't like it because it's nostalgic for us because our dad's left.

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah.

[Rhys James]

Only for a bit. My Back.

[James Acaster]

My dad's still around. Shout out to your big guy if you're listening.

[Ed Gamble]

Reece, thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant.

[Rhys James]

Thank you for having me. And thank you to my dad for coming back.

[Ed Gamble]

Thanks to my dad as well. It worked out fine in the end.

[James Acaster]

Thank you. Thank you to your pets.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, thank you, Reece. Thanks for coming on.

[James Acaster]

Thank you for coming on.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you for wearing a tux. Finally.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, Actually, yeah. It was nice to have this podcast shown the respect it deserves by a guest. Finally. Your little tux looked very nice.

[Ed Gamble]

The sort of one you. You could put on a ventriloquist dummy.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. And like, look, I don't want to be rude, but he looks like one.

[Ed Gamble]

We didn't roast him this much on the episode.

[James Acaster]

Huh?

[Ed Gamble]

We didn't even roast him this much when he was here.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. Well, he's a very quick witted man. Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's best to just do it from a distance.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. I don't want to know that I'm gonna get roasted in return. He's probably gonna say some really cutting stuff.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Really horrible stuff.

[James Acaster]

But this way we're safe.

[Ed Gamble]

So much easier to bully someone when.

[James Acaster]

They'Re not in the room behind the bombproof glass. We're fine. He can't get us.

[Ed Gamble]

Reese, of course, did not say Reese's Pieces.

[James Acaster]

No, I wouldn't have expected him to.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[James Acaster]

Actually, maybe he could have written a joke about it and goes, I'm save Reese's piece.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[James Acaster]

Make the dessert all about my name.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

He would have been out. So I don't think it's out of the question.

[Ed Gamble]

Shame. Which means we can promote his book. Yeah, you'll like it when you get there. Available now.

[James Acaster]

We're promoting it.

[Ed Gamble]

We're promoting it. He's a brilliant writer. Look, the book's going to be fantastic.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, it will be.

[Ed Gamble]

Go and buy the book from wherever you get books from.

[James Acaster]

Yeah, yeah. It's up to you.

[Ed Gamble]

It's your business audiobook as well.

[James Acaster]

Yeah. You can listen to him.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

He's got a lovely voice. You've just heard it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

So if you want to hear that voice for six hours, I guess.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[James Acaster]

Get the audiobook.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm touring Europe in November, America in February next year. Pop yourself on to me website edgamble.co.uk.

[James Acaster]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

And go and buy yourself a ticket.

[James Acaster]

I'll do it.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you for listening to off menu. Goodbye.

[James Acaster]

Bye.

[Rhys James]

It's James and Fouhad from Shits and Geeks podcast and we're Here to talk about Boost Mobile offering reliable nationwide coverage backed by a 30 day money back guarantee. Love your service or get your money back?

[Ed Gamble]

Back.

[Rhys James]

No questions asked bruv.

[Ed Gamble]

You know how it goes. Obviously I'm on one provider, you're on another provider.

[Rhys James]

Sometimes I have good signal, you have bad signal, you have bad signal, I have good signal and I get stressed and I think, shall I change? Is it worth changing? Is it going to make it better? I don't know. I've been with my provider for a long time. Same. It's anxiety inducing and I don't want the hassle. Well guys and girls, here's the twist. Boost Mobile gives you the same nationwide.

[Ed Gamble]

Coverage and network speeds that you're already.

[Rhys James]

Used to for way less money. That's right. Boost Mobile gives you unlimited plans starting.

[Ed Gamble]

At just $25 a month.

[Rhys James]

No price hikes, no contracts, no multi line faf. Just solid coverage and proper value. And if you're sitting there thinking, bruv, this sounds too good to be true, don't worry, you've got a 30 day money back guarantee. Try it risk free and if you don't love it, you get your service fees back.

[Ed Gamble]

There are plenty of benefits when you.

[Rhys James]

Switch to Boost Mobile. Together with their roaming partners, boost mobile covers 99% of the US population. 5G speeds not available in all areas. So whether you're scrolling streaming or just lost in a group chat, you're covered. Bottom line, Boost Mobile gives you the freedom to save money without sacrificing coverage. And no one's locking you into anything. Visit your nearest Boost Mobile store or find them [e-mail] that's boostmobile.com Reliable service, proper coverage and no stress. Hey folks, it's Marc Maron from wtf. Today I want to talk to you about Boost Mobile offering reliable nationwide coverage backed by a 30 day money back guarantee. Love your service or get your money back, no questions asked. Boost Mobile offers the coverage, network speed and service you're used to, but at more affordable prices. Why pay more if you don't have to? You can get an unlimited plan for $25 a month that will never increase in price, ever. No price hikes, no multi line requirements, no stress. Visit your nearest Boost Mobile store or find them [e-mail] After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers pay $25 per month as long as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan.

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[Ed Gamble]

Oh, hi, James. Have you heard the news?

[James Acaster]

Oh, yeah, go on.

[Ed Gamble]

You and I are modern boys because the off menu podcast is now on YouTube.

[James Acaster]

This is embarrassing.

[Ed Gamble]

Why is it embarrassing, man? You love YouTube.

[James Acaster]

I love watching clips on YouTube. Sure, now people can watch clips of off menu on YouTube and full episodes, but it's embarrassing, man.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not embarrassing at all. It's really cool. We're on YouTube with the great and good. The coolest people in the world are on YouTube. Me, you, Logan Paul.

[James Acaster]

Who's Logan Paul? The dad from succession at off menu podcast. That's what Benito's calling us now.

[Rhys James]

And we're on TikTok.

[James Acaster]

This is embarrassing, man.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not embarrassing, man. We're cool. We're like Olivia, Rodrigo and Ed.

[James Acaster]

People have been asking us, badgering us, bothering us, actually. They want to watch the Stephen Graham supercut from the Stephen Graham episode so they can see all of his reactions to us, everything that he did or Benito has bent to their whims and he's going to put it on YouTube. He's going to do it.

[Ed Gamble]

Follow us at offmenuofficial on TikTok at off menu podcast. On YouTube you can watch clips from the podcast and on YouTube you can watch full video episodes. People have been asking for it and you're finally getting it. Full video episodes so you can see every single nuance on our little faces.