Office Hours with Arthur Brooks

Episode: My 4-Step Method for Making the Holidays Better
Date: December 22, 2025
Host: Arthur Brooks

Main Theme

Arthur Brooks dives into the "holiday blues"—why so many feel sadness, annoyance, or disappointment during the holidays despite all the cultural pressure to be merry—and shares his science-backed four-step protocol to make the holidays more joyful, meaningful, and manageable. The episode blends neuroscience, behavioral research, and philosophical insight with personal anecdotes to help listeners approach the holidays with healthier mindsets and greater happiness.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Reality of the "Holiday Blues" (00:30 - 03:30)

• Although surveys reveal that many associate the holidays with warmth and generosity, a significant portion reports mostly negative emotions: annoyance, disappointment, and sadness.
• Therapy and psychiatric consultations typically increase during the holidays, dispelling the myth that this season is a universal antidepressant.

“If this were a uniformly happy thing, then... Christmas time would be the ultimate antidepressant. But in point of fact it's not. It actually pushes a lot of people in the other direction.”
— Arthur Brooks (01:30)

Three Drivers of Holiday Blues

• Disappointment: Holidays rarely measure up to the romanticized past.
• Sadness: Lingering trauma or bad memories associated with past holidays.
• Annoyance: Overwhelm and frustration at the excessive rituals and forced cheer.

2. Understanding How We Remember (03:30 – 12:37)

Arthur explains the neuroscience of memory and how it distorts our comparisons.

Types of Memory

• Semantic Memory: General knowledge (e.g., knowing what Christmas is).
• Episodic Memory: Specific events (e.g., “the year Uncle Fred got arrested”).

Why Past Holidays Seem Better

• Episodic memories are inaccurate: Memories drift, get altered, and are heavily influenced by repetition and others’ stories.
  • Example: Studies on people’s 9/11 experiences show their personal accounts are often quite wrong.
• Fading Affect Bias: We tend to remember the positives of past events and mentally discard the negatives.

“You edit your own memories to get rid of the stuff that you don't need and keep the things that you still do use.”
— Arthur Brooks (08:55)

• The result: We compare the messy present with an airbrushed, nostalgic past and feel let down.

3. Strategies for Each Feeling

A. Dealing with Disappointment (13:07 - 17:30)

• Recognize that your holiday memories are likely “Polaroids”—edited highlights that skip the annoyances or conflicts.
• Knowledge of how memory works can help adjust expectations.

“You shouldn’t go through life being disappointed because the current seems worse than the past. You should go through life with a body of knowledge about the way that memory actually works.”
— Arthur Brooks (13:30)

B. Addressing Holiday Sadness & Trauma (17:30 - 21:45)

• Some memories are authentically difficult, and “fading affect bias” can't cleanse them.
• Trauma leads to avoidant behaviors and negative overall impressions (“Christmas sucks”).
• Solution: Memory Editing and Reframing
  • Humor as editing: Reframe sad experiences as darkly funny.
    • Example: Rainn Wilson uses humor to process his difficult childhood holidays.

    “What are they doing? They're doing memory editing right there... They're looking at these things... to realize how unbelievably funny these things are.”
    — Arthur Brooks (18:42)

  • Growth mindset: Ask “What did I learn?” rather than “What did I suffer?”
    • Suffering can be your teacher; reframing suffering as a source of growth helps loosen the grip of sadness.

C. Alleviating Annoyance/Overwhelm (21:45 - 28:18)

• Arthur shares his personal history of feeling burdened by holiday rituals (e.g., rushing to take down the tree, feeling contempt for Christmas carols after years as a performer).
• Recognizes that his own petulance and overwhelm were problems to solve behaviorally.
• Introduction to his 4-step “Christmas Protocol” inspired by St. Gregory of Nazanzius

“It was really a reflection of my petulance, of my annoyance, of not really enjoying that. And so I started to think about what could I actually do to celebrate this in a different way.”
— Arthur Brooks (24:20)

4. Arthur’s 4-Step Method for a Better Holiday (28:18 - 34:00)

Rooted in Interior Peace, Not Outward Excess

Based on wisdom from a 4th-century archbishop counseling against outward excess, instead advocating for interior worship and peace.

1. Quiet Reflection/Prayer (before dawn)

• Get up early; meditate on the deeper meaning of the holiday.
• Acknowledge personal frailties, attachments, and seek wisdom and grace.

“I sit in prayer and, and I ask for grace and wisdom about my own monomanias... about the hunger for attention that I have from other people. I think about my own frailty...”
— Arthur Brooks (29:00)

2. Pre-dawn Walk (in silence, no devices)

• Use the time for gratitude and to bridge the physical and the spiritual.
• Experience the world in peaceful solitude and thankfulness.

3. Share Gratitude

• Write gratitude letters or offer silent prayers for loved ones.
• Focus on giving gifts of the heart, not just material presents.

4. Commitment to Giving

• Active consideration of helping the less fortunate, reflecting on how to serve others in a tangible way during the day.

“Amid the day's abundance, think about the poorest of the poor and my connection to all of mankind.”
— Arthur Brooks (33:25)

Applicability:

• The protocol can be adapted by anyone, regardless of religious belief, to make any difficult or taxing day better.

5. Audience Q&A: Applying Happiness Science in Daily Life (34:00 - End)

Q1. On Sleep Schedules and Energy

• Fixed sleep, fitness, and diet (especially carbs and caffeine) are vital for maintaining even energy and mood throughout the day.

Q2. Midlife Career Change and Responsibility

• Staging rather than sudden change: Gradually integrate your passion into your leisure time, preparing for a later transition.

Q3. Late-Life Friendship and Love

• “You can't let friendship find you; you’ve got to do the work.”
• Best paths: Religious, intellectual, or hobby-based communities (e.g., book clubs) grounded in shared values.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On nostalgia and memory editing:
  “You edited out the part that made you want to cry on that particular day. And the result is your library of Christmas days in the past is a library of lovely memories as kind of snapshots, as Polaroids...” — Arthur Brooks (11:15)

• On laughter as a reframing tool:
  “That's why professional comedians... often joke around a lot about how screwed up their childhoods were. What are they doing? They're doing memory editing right there.”
  — Arthur Brooks (18:45)

• On making the holiday meaningful:
  “What I do now... is I start my Christmas before dawn... to remember what I as a Christian person believe about Christmas... contemplating the metaphysics of actually what's going on here.”
  — Arthur Brooks (29:00)

• On giving and service:
  “What can I do to join people in divine love, people at the margins of society, people who need me, people that I can actually serve?”
  — Arthur Brooks (33:30)

Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:30 – 03:30: Introduction to the “holiday blues”
• 03:30 – 12:37: Neuroscience of memory and how it distorts holiday expectations
• 13:07 – 21:45: Disappointment, sadness, trauma, and techniques for memory reframing
• 21:45 – 28:18: Personal stories of overwhelm and annoyance at the holidays
• 28:18 – 34:00: Arthur’s 4-Step Holiday Protocol
• 34:00 – end: Audience questions: sleep, career changes, finding love and friendship in old age

Concluding Takeaway

Arthur Brooks delivers not only a powerful holiday coping strategy rooted in science and introspection, but also extends practical advice for happiness, connection, and meaning beyond the holidays. His four-step method—quiet reflection, walking, expressing gratitude, and giving—offers a roadmap for anyone feeling the weight of expectations or the pain of holiday blues.

“The happiness that we talk about in this show might be the great gift that you bring to other people this year.”
— Arthur Brooks (Final minute)