Subscriber Exclusive: Terminally Online

Summary

Offline with Jon Favreau: Episode Summary – "Subscriber Exclusive: Terminally Online"

Release Date: December 1, 2024

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I. Introduction to "Terminally Online"

In this episode of Offline with Jon Favreau, the hosts dive deep into the pervasive influence of online culture, humorously dissecting recent viral content and its implications on our collective psyche. Skipping the typical advertisements and introductions, the conversation quickly immerses listeners into the heart of being "terminally online."

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II. RFK Jr.'s TikTok Controversy

The episode kicks off with a heated discussion about a controversial TikTok interaction involving Robert F. Kennedy Jr.:

• Jon Favreau ([02:03]): "Do people really think I was TikToking in 2022?" highlights RFK Jr.'s puzzling appearance on TikTok, which fueled widespread speculation.

• Jon Lovett ([02:06]): Describes the interaction as RFK Jr. responding to a TikTok user with "two little heart smiley emojis."

• Dan Pfeiffer ([03:31]): Skeptically analyzes RFK Jr.'s explanation that his TikTok account was inadvertently transferred from a campaign social media manager, questioning the plausibility of the story.

• Jon Favreau ([07:00]): Expresses doubt over the explanation, stating, "So he's full of shit." This candid skepticism underscores the hosts' critical approach to online narratives.

The hosts collectively doubt RFK Jr.'s account transfer story, pointing out inconsistencies and the absence of the supposed social media manager online today.

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III. The "Balkan Breakfast" TikTok Phenomenon

Shifting gears, the hosts explore the mesmerizing trend of "Balkan Breakfast" TikTok videos:

• Dan Pfeiffer ([09:46]): Describes the video featuring a man consuming a large variety of vegetables and cheese in a repetitive, almost hypnotic manner.

• Jon Favreau ([12:04]): Compares the eating style to a "Tom and Jerry cartoon," emphasizing the mechanical and continuous nature of the consumption.

• Elijah ([14:06]): Reflects on the comfort such repetitive content brings, noting, "It makes me feel safe..."

• Kat ([14:19]): Adds a humorous twist by describing the video's caption as an invitation to breakfast, enhancing the surreal imagery.

The hosts analyze how these videos create a perpetual loop of consumption, drawing parallels to rhythmic music and highlighting the endless cycle inherent in TikTok's autoplay feature.

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IV. The Rizzler and Big Justice: A Critical Analysis

Delving deeper into online content creation, the discussion turns to the Rizzler and Big Justice, a father-son duo known for their viral content:

• Elijah ([28:08]): Breaks down the characters, explaining that Big Justice and his father, AJ, produce content aimed at young audiences, including the Rizzler, a child TikTok star.

• Jon Favreau ([32:26]): Voices discomfort with children participating in online media, stating, "I hate it. Really uncomfortable."

• Dan Pfeiffer ([32:43]): Emphasizes the ethical concerns, mentioning, "These kids cannot consent to being part of this."

The hosts critique the exploitation of children in digital spaces, questioning the long-term psychological effects and the moral responsibilities of content creators.

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V. Tucker Carlson and the Demon Incident

Injecting humor and speculative analysis, the conversation veers into a bizarre anecdote involving Tucker Carlson:

• Gabe ([19:43]): Recounts a viral video where Tucker claims to have been attacked by a demon, complete with physical claw marks.

• Jon Favreau ([20:03]): Questions the validity of the story, suggesting it might stem from sleep paralysis.

• Gabe ([22:42]): Explores cultural interpretations of night demons, referencing terms like Kanashi bari and Mara, adding depth to the humorous speculation.

• Kat ([24:55]): Satirically suggests that the incident might not have happened, poking fun at the incredulity surrounding such claims.

This lighthearted segment showcases the hosts' ability to blend humor with cultural analysis, examining how supernatural narratives proliferate online.

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VI. Concluding Thoughts on Being "Terminally Online"

Throughout the episode, the hosts reflect on how incessant online engagement shapes behavior and perception:

• Elijah ([17:28]): Summarizes the impact of constantly consuming repetitive and niche content, highlighting feelings of being "terminally online."

• Dan Pfeiffer ([35:23]): Labels the collective obsession with online trends as a "six," underscoring the depth of their immersion.

The episode wraps up by reinforcing the podcast's mission to dissect and understand the intricate ways in which the internet influences modern life, advocating for a balanced approach to digital consumption.

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Notable Quotes:

• "Do people really think I was TikToking in 2022?" – Robert F. Kennedy Jr. ([02:03])

• "It's like a Tom and Jerry cartoon when they eat a fish and then out comes the fish skeleton." – Jon Favreau ([12:04])

• "These kids cannot consent to being part of this." – Dan Pfeiffer ([32:43])

• "I was hoping we'd have a social... I was hoping we'd have one of our social media experts here." – Jon Favreau ([08:07])

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Offline with Jon Favreau masterfully blends humor, critical analysis, and cultural commentary to explore the nuances of being perpetually online. Through dissecting viral trends and controversial figures, the hosts encourage listeners to reflect on their digital habits and the broader societal implications of our online behaviors.

For those intrigued by the effects of technology on culture and seeking insightful yet entertaining discussions, this episode offers a comprehensive exploration of what it truly means to be "terminally online."

Transcript

[Jon Favreau]

This lasagna was so cheesy, my plate was filled with saucy slices. Then a flimsy store brand plate.

[Jon Lovett]

No, no, no, no.

[Jon Favreau]

Ruined it.

[Tommy Vietor]

Next time get Dixie Ultra plates three times stronger than the leading store brand.

[Jon Favreau]

10 inch paper plate.

[Tommy Vietor]

Dixie, make it right.

[Jon Lovett]

Hey, hey, John and John here.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Our shows are off today and so you're about to hear a best of Terminally Online, an exclusive show from Crooked subscription Friends of the Pod. Terminally Online is often called the loosest show on Crooked and it's one of the many perks that come with a Friend of the Pod subscription.

[Jon Lovett]

If you like what you hear, you can listen to new episodes every week. When you subscribe to Friends of the Pod, subscribing is the best way to support the work we do at Crooked Media.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Our mission of building a progressive independent media company that's a counterweight to the right wing machine has never been more important.

[Jon Lovett]

Never. Never been more important.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Never been more important. Plus you'll get ad free episodes of Haunt Save America, exclusive shows like what you're about to hear, and access to Crooked's discord community where you can process the news with like minded listeners or listeners that aren't like minded.

[Jon Lovett]

Just yell at people if you want.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Yeah, kindly.

[Jon Lovett]

For a limited time, we're offering 25% off new annual subscriptions. Head to crooked.com friends or subscribe through the Pod Save America feed on Apple podcasts right now.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

And now here it is, Terminally Online.

[Elijah]

Jon Favreau. When were you two online? This week.

[Jon Lovett]

Okay, so we all know RFK Jr. So someone posted this on, on X this week. So what we're looking at Here is a TikTok video from 2022. That woman is named Tyler Idle. She's a porn actress. She's got an OnlyFans account. She's on TikTok a lot. And on one of her videos there's Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Verified account replying.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Wow, you might say he believes in that moon landing.

[Jon Lovett]

And then. And there's two little heart smiley emojis.

[Gabe]

Yeah, the smiley kind of sheepish with the three hearts.

[Jon Lovett]

Yeah. So the MAGA person, I think his name is like Maga Joe or something that put it up. He revealed this and then a lot of people said, wow, he's just, he's like a very Ted Cruz liking the, liking the porn on 9 11. Remember that?

[Gabe]

One of the best things that ever happened.

[Jon Lovett]

That's ever happened.

[Gabe]

I mean there's a lot of bad options and very few good options on 911.

[Jon Lovett]

So people were wondering why he was liking this, why he was commenting on this. And then we got. I didn't think we were going to get an explanation. We got this explanation from RFK Jr. Three parts complicated. The first. The first tweet is, do people really think I was tick talking in 2022? Which two years ago is a one. It's a wild thing to tweet. Like, that's. That's your kickoff to this. So do people think. And then he says, The TikTok comment in question was made in 2022, long before I ever had a TikTok account. This comment now appears on my account because the account was previously owned by one of the campaign's young social media managers. And then he said, when I announced my run for the presidency In April of 2023, the team wanted it broadcast on every social platform, including TikTok. However, TikTok does not allow live streaming for accounts that have less than a thousand followers, fewer than the social. The social media manager decided to transfer his account, which had around 1500 followers, to me, in order to stream my announcement on TikTok. All right, what do we think? We believe it.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

You listen. I listen. I don't know a lot of words to say. It wasn't me yanking the cord.

[Gabe]

Also, John, to your point about him saying in. Back in 2022, it was September of 2020, like Q4. Is that 3 or 4? I have no idea what Q they are.

[Jon Lovett]

It sounds like Q4.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Thank you.

[Jon Lovett]

Yeah. I mean, I'm inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Remember when you farted at the dinner, too?

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Yes. Oh, my.

[Gabe]

Was that a bbl? Could have been Foreign policy.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Wasn't that the dinner? He had a dinner where, like, several ancient columnists started bickering and then somebody farted. That was the funniest thing. Incredible.

[Jon Favreau]

Incredible.

[Jon Lovett]

So one of the great journalistic institutions left of our time, the Daily Mail, wrote a whole story about this. And the campaign didn't just, like. It didn't just stop at a young social media manager. The campaign gave the guy's name.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Oh, no.

[Jon Lovett]

And picture to the Daily Mail and a picture of him with RFK Jr. His name is Rajan Murphy, 33, from Georgia. And he was like, yeah, I was supposed to set. And they give this whole explanation. He's like, I was supposed to set up the account, and I was just moving too fast. And I didn't think that all of my old comments would be deleted, but they are and so I don't know if he's. Now he's the fall guy for this, or it's really true, because when you look for him now, he has no social media accounts anywhere. So this is the guy who supposedly had, like, a lot of followers on TikTok, but now he is not on TikTok, Instagram, or anywhere else to be found.

[Gabe]

Well, I mean, traditionally, RFK Jr. Has been a real straight shooter. You know, you can take him at his word.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Well, I mean, yeah, this is where he's claiming he wasn't doing the shooting.

[Jon Lovett]

Actually, I will say, like, the video itself was not explicit. Like, it's not. It's an embarrassing thing, but I'm surprised how much attention they drew to it.

[Elijah]

Yes, he more forcefully pushed back on this than the leaked video of him saying that Covid targets white people and black people, but not Jews and Chinese people. This is where he draws a line. This is his line in the sand.

[Jon Lovett]

I feel like he's really. Yeah. What makes me most suspicious about it is that they went so hard at trying to debunk this.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

You know, every once in a while, there'll be a story about a corruption scandal or a crime committed by a campaign or congressional office, and some young person will end up in jail because they followed. They just, like. They went along with something that they shouldn't have gone along with. And they thought, like, you know, they didn't. They didn't listen to their little voice telling them that, like, this is just a job. Don't. Don't give up your own reputation for that of a politician. And in this case, I'm glad this guy fucking set himself on fire for RFK Jr. You deserve everything you're getting if you think that this cause. This cause is so fucking worthy that you're gonna be like, no, no, no, I'm Spartacus. It's my fucking. It's my wank. Like, I was horny.

[Elijah]

I was horny in 2020.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

That's mine. Not.

[Jon Favreau]

No.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

No, it's not. RFK Jr.

[Gabe]

It's hard to get a handle on RFK's thought pattern, huh? Huh?

[Elijah]

I got it, Tommy. That's pretty good.

[Gabe]

Thanks, Elijah. Just like you don't speak, bro. It wasn't even. It wasn't even. Jesus.

[Jon Lovett]

You don't even know who's in the super bowl next weekend. Super dork.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Of course I do. The Jews told me six weeks ago. We met in the basement.

[Elijah]

What a decision we made.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

We met in the basement. We were like, you know, everybody feel good about Taking those golds from those Russians and giving them to the Americans, like, yes, we need the win.

[Jon Lovett]

Oh, my God.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

And then we said 49ers versus, you know, obviously Travis's team.

[Gabe]

I'm taken aback by the fact that it was just. It really not that racy a picture at all.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Right.

[Gabe]

It could be in any catalog for clothing.

[Tommy Vietor]

But her.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Oh, yeah. You know, catalogs.

[Jon Lovett]

I'll tell you, though, we all have catalogs.

[Gabe]

Websites.

[Jon Lovett]

Her onlyfans is blown up. She's now posting videos about being the RFK junior girl.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Yeah.

[Jon Lovett]

Someone made out great in this whole thing.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

There's something to be said about. Look, I just think something about a grassy knoll. All right. End of. End of thought.

[Gabe]

I was going to say.

[Jon Lovett]

Yes.

[Elijah]

Avoid.

[Jon Favreau]

Is it a bad time to tell you that I've been liking only fangirls on all of your accounts right now?

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Thank you.

[Jon Favreau]

As a social maven, I am that brings.

[Jon Lovett]

I have a question for you. Like, is it possible to transfer your TikTok account? And then because there's a new handle that just says the Kennedy 2024 campaign, there's, like, no traces of it being an old.

[Jon Favreau]

No, it's not. No.

[Jon Lovett]

So he's full of shit.

[Jon Favreau]

Yeah.

[Jon Lovett]

I love this.

[Jon Favreau]

Full of shit and horrible.

[Jon Lovett]

I was hoping that we'd have a social. I was hoping we'd have one of our social media experts here.

[Jon Favreau]

I only know this because Amelia, our old social maven, she had to make another account because she wanted to try something completely different. And so you have to start from the ground up. For the most part.

[Jon Lovett]

This is Bullshit.

[Gabe]

Bootstrapping it.

[Jon Lovett]

2022. Who was TikToking in 2022?

[Gabe]

Q4.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

I wasn't even horny in Q3.

[Gabe]

Meanwhile, he was cut to him, shirtless in jeans, lifting weights at Gold Gym.

[Jon Lovett]

Anyway, that's what I got.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

All right.

[Jon Lovett]

He's still on the campaign, by the way.

[Elijah]

He's helping.

[Jon Lovett]

He's currently helping organize the campaign's Black History Month event.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Great.

[Jon Lovett]

Cool.

[Elijah]

Yeah. I wonder what George Papadopoulos is up to these days. Wow.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

George Papadopoulos. I think. I don't know. I feel like that's just. I think it's a two, honestly.

[Gabe]

Yeah, he's a good two. I saw a sign, that bastard today. And it made me think of that guy Boston. Remember, remember, remember our guest.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Oh, Michael Avenatti. Thank you, Michael Avenatti. It's his primary to lose. All right. I think you're too cool.

[Elijah]

Yeah, agree. If you knew about it before RFK pushed back then you would have been like a 4 or 5.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

RFK is terminal, though. That's terminally online.

[Jon Lovett]

Yeah.

[Gabe]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Jon Lovett]

That is true.

[Gabe]

Big time. He's for sure it's terminally online before the Internet existed.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Yeah, that's right.

[Elijah]

John, when were you two online? This week.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

I was two online this week. I'm going to show you two videos. I'm going to show the first video twice. I just wanted to show you the first video. This is called Balkan Breakfast. Let's watch Balkan Breakfast.

[Kat]

Is it Chicago style?

[Dan Pfeiffer]

And for those listening, here's what I love about. So this is a. A, A man sitting at a table. He's got some kind of a gold chain, black T shirt. What I say. So basically he's sitting in front of a pile of different kinds of vegetables, a tomato, an onion, some kind of glass of beer. Juice. I don't know, it looks like juice, maybe, and cheese in a bag.

[Elijah]

Fanta.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

And maybe. Could be Fanta. It does look Fanta. Color.

[Jon Favreau]

Yeah, it does look Fanta.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

And basically he's only using one hand, I should say. And he basically just kind of. It's like jazz, like. He grabs the bread, bites the bread, eats half a tomato, grabs a cucumber, bites the cucumber, takes some kind of like what looks like a big pepper. Takes a big bite of pepper.

[Kat]

He doesn't stop.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

And it's based. And he doesn't stop for the entire video.

[Jon Favreau]

Oh, he's using their hand right now.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Oh, the other hand came up for bread ripping. He never. He grabs cheese, grabs cheese. He never completes a bite, takes, picks up a tomato. Half a third of a tomato gone.

[Jon Favreau]

He's not even chewing it.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

He's just chewing, always chewing it. His mouth is always filled. Oh, my God. A whole kind of pepper goes in. Or it looks like maybe a green. Another pepper all the way down. So this was described in the video as Balkan breakfast. Created a whole world in my mind. And here's what I didn't know about Balkan breakfast, right? Like, I know there's. I know the Balkan region. I actually realized I didn't know technically the bounds of the Balkan region. Like, I know. Like, I know. Like, when I think of the Balkans, my mind goes to 1990s geopolitics. So I think of. I think of Serbia, I think of Macedonia, I think of Albania, I think of Bosnia and Herzegovina. Like, I think of that region. I don't know what the boundaries are. I also didn't know what Balkan breakfast was. I assumed it meant the food. Right? Like the kinds of food, I thought, oh, is that like a Balkan breakfast? Which would be in some part of the Balkan region. You just have a bunch of tomato and vegetables and a piece of cheese and a piece of bread, and you kind of make something out of that and eat it all together. Come to discover with some light searching that it's also the style and speed of consumption. Can we watch the next video?

[Elijah]

I fucking love this topic. It's like a sweater.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

And here is another person eating in the same way, making the same facial expressions, doing the same thing, just housing this food. And there's other videos like this. You can search for Albanian breakfast or how Macedonian dads eat breakfast. Kiril, who's on our audio team, said, I have relatives that eat like that, eat like that. And that is perhaps the extent of the deep dive that I did. Right. And you can rate me however you want to rate me. But here's what I want you to understand as we go back to the first video. I have watched this, and can we please play it again?

[Elijah]

Hypnotized.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

I have watched this so many times. It's because I can't. The green peppers, I can't explain. And you should just. It's the amount he's eating. It's the fact that it never gets faster or slower, that no one bite is completed, that basically his mouth is a place where a salad is being chopped at all times. Yes, sometimes there's more tomato, sometimes more cucumber, sometimes more bean, sometimes more cheese. But he's going and going and going. And like, the closest thing I can compare it to, and the feeling you get is if you've ever listened to Philip Glass's music and the way it rises and falls but never completes that. Like, it. Like you're constantly in this kind of rhythm and music where there's crescendos and there's. There's, there's. There's highs and lows, but it stays in this one band. And the thing is, because it's TikTok, the video just starts again. You. If you're not paying close attention, you won't notice that you've gone back to the beginning. And so, in a sense, this man is always eating this breakfast. He's eating this breakfast in perpetuity. And I love it.

[Elijah]

It makes. That makes me feel safe, that makes me feel comfortable to know that he's probably right now just having girl, like, advanced girl dinner.

[Jon Favreau]

It is advanced girl dinner.

[Kat]

If you're listening on the audio, the capt on there is like a Snapchat like, just like the band across it just says, bro invited me to breakfast. And I can't get over the image of a man being like, come join me for breakfast. And then just.

[Jon Favreau]

And then sing that.

[Kat]

Eating in silence with just one hand.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

So it's. So he consumes so much food so quickly. Like, it's in it's. But, like, comfortably, like, just like he does it all the time.

[Jon Favreau]

It really is like a Tom and Jerry cartoon when they eat a fish and then out comes the fish skeleton.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

I love that.

[Jon Favreau]

That is exactly.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

I love that.

[Jon Favreau]

Yeah. The listeners at home, if you watch that video three times, Beetlejuice just appears. We don't know why. It just keeps happening.

[Elijah]

You know, that's the way to eat. The best meals, in my opinion, are grazing fast over a sink. Like, those are when I'm like, really happiest on, like, a deep human, animalistic level is just shoveling, like, a grazing pile of foods over a sink.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Yeah.

[Jon Favreau]

Me with a Costco rotisserie chicken over a sink. Game fucking over.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Are you guys getting any of the content around? People saying, you can't eat the Costco chickens because of the oil and the plastic.

[Elijah]

Grow up the microplastics.

[Jon Favreau]

There's microplastics and everything. We have a credit card in our blood flow at all times to make sure. Us trying to. Us trying to circumvent microplastics. It's already done.

[Kat]

We have Costco chickens, like, especially good. I never been a cost.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Oh, they're. They're. They're famously good.

[Jon Favreau]

I could argue that a Sam's Club is better, but a Costco chicken is golden, baby. Do you have a membership?

[Elijah]

There's still a lot of microplastics.

[Kat]

I've never been to Costco.

[Jon Favreau]

Costco. Costco police sponsor me.

[Elijah]

I mean, this is. It's like, this is a problem with a terminal online scale. There are no problems with the terminally online scale, but this is the kind of terminal I want to be.

[Jon Favreau]

The topic is terminal. The research is not. But I don't think it needs to be in order to be a five. Does that make sense? Like, I think how niche it is warrants five. This supplementary video also warrants five. The fact that he found out it's the style of eating.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

It's both. I think it's both. It's both.

[Jon Favreau]

It's very. Also very opposite to, like, a, you know, cafe style of eating, where we're all just taking our time. We can take as much time as possible. They're like, we want this in our stomach as soon as possible.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Yeah. There's also just something. One thing I also. It's part. One thing that also appealed to me about it, too, is it's just like, I feel like the further men get away from their training, the training they receive from their mothers, most likely the more disgusting they become, and the more feral.

[Jon Favreau]

People call that childhood training.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

They're training.

[Jon Favreau]

They're training.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Yeah, they're training.

[Jon Favreau]

Everyone wants to see someone house that much food. That's me at 3am Eating taco bells.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Well, I just think it's like, maybe there's a part of you that fights that instinct, right, Elijah? There's a part of you that's still fighting that instinct to eat incredibly fast without chewing over a sink. But in time, the strictures of society will no longer bind you. You know, you'll just become. You'll become yet another, like, embarrassing man. And you're just on that path. We all are. We are.

[Jon Favreau]

He's our content. Babadook. Yeah, the lonely podcaster frees his mind at night over a second.

[Elijah]

You just want to be in a position where you're eating food really fast and you breathe through your nose while you continue to eat, just taking bites.

[Jon Favreau]

And you go, yeah, that's the best feeling.

[Elijah]

That's why it's good. Look, I think this is like, this. Where this gets to a five is if you're listening to the show with friends and you go out to, you know, you have little charcuterie boards, Sunday brunch, who knows what you're doing, and you just blurt out, balkan dad breakfast. Like everyone's walking, talking.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

No, I'm going to start saying. I'm going to start saying. I'm going to Balkan breakfast. The out of this. This. This meal.

[Jon Favreau]

That's good.

[Elijah]

I'm just giving you the five. I love it.

[Jon Favreau]

I love it.

[Jon Lovett]

The credit card companies are ripping you off, and you don't even know it. Every time you use your credit card, they charge a hidden swipe fee. It costs the average family more than $1,100 per year. $1,100. That's because the credit card companies organize banks into pricing cartels. It's like OPEC for credit cards with no competition. We have the highest credit card swipe fees in the world. That's just wrong. Thankfully, the House and Senate have a bipartisan bill to fix this problem. It's called the Credit Card Competition Act. It would finally make credit card companies compete like every business across the country is supposed to do. So call your senators and representatives and tell them to pass the credit card competition Act.

[Tommy Vietor]

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[Jon Favreau]

This lasagna was so cheesy. My plate was filled with saucy slices. Then a flimsy store brand plate.

[Jon Lovett]

No, no, no, no.

[Jon Favreau]

Ruined it.

[Tommy Vietor]

Next time get Dixie Ultra plates three times stronger than the Lead Store brand.

[Jon Favreau]

10 inch paper plate.

[Tommy Vietor]

Dixie, make it right.

[Elijah]

Tommy. What were you two online this week?

[Gabe]

Yay. I want to tell you guys a little story about Tucker Carlson and a demon.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Let's watch.

[Jon Favreau]

Sick. Right wing demon.

[Gabe]

A sexy demon.

[Unknown]

And I got attacked while I was asleep with my wife and four dogs in the bed and mauled. Four dogs Physically mauled in a spiritual.

[Elijah]

Attack by a demon?

[Unknown]

Yeah, by a demon. Or by something unseen. That left.

[Gabe]

Is that right?

[Unknown]

Claw marks on my sides. On my.

[Gabe]

So it left physical marks.

[Unknown]

Oh, they're still there. Yeah.

[Kat]

Yeah, show them.

[Unknown]

A year and a half ago, was your wife terrified?

[Jon Favreau]

I know you were.

[Unknown]

I wasn't. I was totally confused. I woke up and I couldn't breathe and I thought I was gonna suffocate. And I walked around outside and then I walked in and my wife and dogs had not woken up. And they're very light sleepers. And then I had these terrible pains on my ribcage and on my shoulder. And I was just in my boxer shorts and I went and flipped on the light in the back.

[Jon Favreau]

We don't need that.

[Unknown]

Four claw marks on either side, underneath my arms and on my left shoulder.

[Gabe]

Fully erect.

[Jon Favreau]

Yeah, right. Wait, they were bleeding.

[Unknown]

They're bleeding. Yeah, they're actual claw marks.

[Gabe]

Okay, so that's Tucker Carlson. He is out in the woods talking to a guy. There's B roll of him shooting guns. There's dogs barking in the background. The guy he is talking to here is the person who made his January 6th documentary, Patriot Purge. I don't know if you guys remember that. It was the One that said January 6th was a setup by Antifa. The FBI. The deep states. Classic Other Libs. So I just want to talk through with you all some possible explanations for what happened with Tucker because it definitely happened. Because it definitely happened.

[Kat]

Okay.

[Gabe]

I guess if I woke up out of a deep sleep in my bed with my four dogs and I had claw marks on me, I might assume I got scratched by my dog.

[Jon Favreau]

Yeah, 100%. I thought for a second that I was like, oh, wait, he dreamt that there were dogs and no, he had four dogs in the bed.

[Gabe]

Four dogs.

[Kat]

It's like dogs in the bed.

[Gabe]

He's like, oh, the dogs were sleepy and they're light sleeping dog. Like maybe they went back to sleep.

[Jon Favreau]

That's what the liberal. Our secret liberal weapon should be just like release the dogs at night. Get them. Also sub topic documentaries. Right wing or left wing now these days? See now that is kind of right wing. I think they're right wing. I think they went right wing. See now that should be added. I am now going to think of a list and I will come back with it of like actual activities next week's to yes, that's me, baby.

[Gabe]

What your fucking heart out, buddy.

[Jon Favreau]

What's the context? Why was he talking to this guy? Like he was. He was like, here's my ghost story.

[Gabe]

You know, you've really right wing plumbed further down. It's a right wing ghost. I don't know why he was talking to this guy. I saw it on Twitter, if we're being honest. I did wonder though if he was experiencing sleep paralysis, which sometimes includes hallucinations commonly referred to as paralysis demons.

[Jon Favreau]

Yeah, there's usually a person at the bottom of the bed. They. A lot of people allegorically will call it the man in the Hat.

[Gabe]

Oh. Oh, no. So I looked up a bunch of. There's a bunch of cultural references to night demons all over the world. So in North America it was called the Night Hag or the Old Hag, which is what Elijah's wife calls him as a pet name in Japan because.

[Jon Favreau]

And guess what? Elijah hates women. For the people in the back. Keep going in.

[Elijah]

How do you guys know that? It's the Hague. That's where we left.

[Jon Favreau]

That's the hag house.

[Kat]

Your son is also a hag.

[Elijah]

Yeah.

[Gabe]

Where is it?

[Elijah]

Hag.

[Jon Favreau]

Everyone's a hag. Everyone's a hag.

[Gabe]

That's a great sitcom idea.

[Jon Favreau]

That's for everyone.

[Gabe]

In Japan they're called Kanashi bari, which translates to bound or fastened in metal. I guess in Japanese folklore your paralysis demon is like an angry ghost. You have unresolved beef. So they hold you down and they mess with you. In the Middle east they're called Jin. They are supernatural beings made of smokeless fire that can control you or possess you. In Brazil, pisadera, It's an old woman with long fingernails who jumps on victims. Scandinavian, they call him Mara. That's where nightmare comes from. Tanzania, it's papawa, which is a bat. Winged creature. Anyway. Else.

[Jon Favreau]

Bat winged.

[Gabe]

I'll spare you more. There's dozens more of these things.

[Jon Favreau]

Okay, that's great.

[Gabe]

I don't know. I thought it was pretty interesting. Maybe he was having sleep paralysis. And apparently that comes when you are sleep deprived, stressed, or having some sort of mental health issue.

[Jon Favreau]

Have you ever had sleep paralysis?

[Gabe]

I don't think so. Have you guys?

[Jon Favreau]

Yes.

[Kat]

Yes. I get hallucinations from narcolepsy.

[Jon Favreau]

Ooh. Okay. So it was when I was in New York. I was working four jobs. I would get sleep paralysis all the time, and I would be sleeping underneath a weighted blanket. And basically the feeling is that you're awake, but you can't move your body. And you genuinely. You have to coach yourself and be like, move your arm, move your arm, move your arm. But at the same time, you're also having a panic attack because you're like, am I dying? Is this what it's like? And then I just thrash myself awake. I've never had the visitation. Like, a lot of people always say, like, oh, I would see the old hag, Elijah's.

[Kat]

I have a counter hypothesis for Tommy about this. It didn't happen.

[Gabe]

Yeah, that's on my list.

[Jon Favreau]

That's good.

[Kat]

If you can't say that there are scratch marks still there and not show the scratch marks. I'm also offended. He just left out every other time I've been sitting on his ceiling staring down, ready to scratch his face, just ignoring the work that women put in. No, but this.

[Jon Favreau]

Exactly.

[Kat]

There's like, a 1% chance this didn't happen, and I think we need to entertain that possibility.

[Gabe]

Absolutely. I think there's also a 1% chance that he's fucking a sleep demon.

[Jon Favreau]

Yeah.

[Gabe]

And it's an ongoing thing.

[Elijah]

Yeah.

[Gabe]

This is how you rationalize it.

[Jon Favreau]

Well, someone has to. And so demon it is.

[Kat]

It's the only one that will fuck. Talk about.

[Jon Favreau]

Exactly.

[Elijah]

It's so annoying that the guy who was interviewing him wasn't like, can I see the marks?

[Gabe]

Right.

[Elijah]

Like, come on. The other thing is. That's very funny about this video is later. The guy's like, well, could it have been like, your wife or your dogs? And Tucker Carlson's like, no, my arms were at my side, so it couldn't have Been them. But the implications.

[Jon Favreau]

That makes no sense.

[Elijah]

Like, the demon can get through your arms. Like, you stupid interviewer.

[Jon Favreau]

And so can your wife.

[Elijah]

Like the dogs.

[Kat]

His dog doesn't have arms.

[Elijah]

The demon can, though. So that's just.

[Kat]

His wife doesn't even have arms.

[Gabe]

I also wanna entertain the theory that famously so I also wanna maybe just entertain the theory that Tucker's been having a many year long psychotic break. And this is a piece of that puzzle.

[Jon Favreau]

Yeah, for sure.

[Gabe]

Because there was another. There was a long Wall Street Journal story about him a few months back that talked about an incident he recounted to this reporter where he was having a dinner. He was hosting former, like, top US national security people, and someone told him some, like, thing about the CIA killing American citizens. And he said he was so shocked that he then collapsed on his front porch. Two of his vertebrae had caved in, and he had to go to the hospital for emergency surgery. So it sounds like this guy's having some issues.

[Jon Favreau]

They're manifesting issues.

[Kat]

All of his fishing trips were just that. He just kept collapsing after hearing secrets.

[Gabe]

The weight of the secrets is too much.

[Elijah]

That's great. This one's a little tough to judge for me for how online Tommy is. It's a deep dive into something that was going around. But I did see it. Dunphy Cat, did you guys see this?

[Kat]

Yes, but I'm not a good judge for this.

[Jon Favreau]

I'm not on Twitter, but I did see it on Slack, and that I was like, this is a true triumph.

[Elijah]

So it's one of those weird moments, like, where we've all seen it, but, like, this is very online. Like, if you just were to go to. Up to someone and be like, hey, Tucker Carlson, demons.

[Jon Favreau]

Scratches.

[Elijah]

Do you guys know what I'm talking about? Like, it's a form, right?

[Jon Favreau]

I think for. Yeah, four. For Tucker Carlson's, like, Christmas episode, instead of interviewing Kevin Spacey from House of Cards, I think it should be his sleep paralysis. Stephen and Kevin Spacey from House of Cards.

[Elijah]

I'm coming for a five today, okay? I want it.

[Jon Favreau]

I want everyone to know that every day that Elijah and I have walked into the United center, he turns around and looks at me and goes, you know what it smells like? And then I go, what? And goes, content, baby.

[Elijah]

It's electric. It is thick in the air.

[Jon Favreau]

What gives you hope?

[Elijah]

Content. All right, so I'll bring the tweet. Kat, will you read this tweet for me? Because I saw it the other day.

[Kat]

I'm worried there's some lingering tension between the Rizzler and Big Justice, Big justice was taking petty shots at him left and right on the Los Pollo stream. I hope this jealousy doesn't boil over. I would side with the Rizzler if It did.

[Elijah]

Who?

[Kat]

1.8 million views.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

I know who the Rizzler.

[Elijah]

You know who the Rizzler is? Okay. Do you know who any of those people are?

[Jon Favreau]

I. I think I know Rizzler, but I'm not sure.

[Elijah]

Kat, do you know who these people are?

[Jon Favreau]

He might be the new.

[Kat]

Very vaguely. Once again, I caught in the content trenches. My own content trenches.

[Elijah]

Okay.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

I mean, I may be confusing the Rizzler and the Riz King.

[Elijah]

Yeah, you may be confusing the Rizzler with Baby Gronk, who rizzed up Liz V. Dunn and is he the Rizzler.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Right, right.

[Elijah]

A lot of people have made that mistake. No, you're not up on the new Rizzler.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Who's the new Rizzler?

[Elijah]

Let me explain the characters in this drama. Okay, so I'm going to start wide because to get to the Rizzler, you first need to understand who Big justice is. Big justice and his dad, AJ Are a father son content duo. They're also known as the Costco Guys because of their viral We're Costco Guys video. So I'm going to skip this for the sake of time of the genre of We're Blank People videos.

[Jon Favreau]

But I, Carolyn Reston, and I have.

[Elijah]

One of We're Bye Girls driving by.

[Jon Favreau]

A million views on me and Caroline Rustin had a We're Bye Girls and it hit a million views on each platform. Humble Brad. Keep going. Thanks, Elijah.

[Elijah]

So Big justice and AJ are always expanding the circle of people and their content, such as Big Justice's sister Ashley, cousin Angela, Sally Slices, and many other people and creators. Definitely creators, including the Rizzler. Any questions before I get onto who the Rizzler is?

[Jon Favreau]

No, keep going.

[Elijah]

Okay, so I'll just clarify, Sally. There's the term Riz. And then you say to your friend, like, oh, if you have a lot of Riz, you may be the Rizzler. Now, the Rizzler here has become known as a child TikTok star in his own right. His whole shtick is he eats a lot of food. He's like a bigger kid, and his name is the Rizzler because he has a good Rizz face, which is like the Chad face. Like the. I'm making the face right now with, like, my God.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Yeah, it's the DreamWorks face. It's like A big cartoon snail.

[Jon Favreau]

Yeah. Yep.

[Elijah]

Yeah, he makes a good rizz face.

[Jon Favreau]

Spot on.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

People love the rizz face.

[Elijah]

Lastly, there's the Los Pollo stream, which is just the least important player here. Los Pollos is just an influencer that was doing a stream with aj, Big justice, and the Rizzler, because they're doing a lot of collabs right now.

[Kat]

And to be clear, Big justice is the adult.

[Elijah]

No, Big justice is the son. AJ's the adult.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

How old is the sun?

[Elijah]

They're probably like seven to eight years old each. And they're very Italian American.

[Jon Favreau]

Yeah.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

No, too young.

[Jon Favreau]

My people.

[Elijah]

Yeah.

[Jon Favreau]

I guess I'll do these things and.

[Elijah]

Know about AJ and Big Just Justice's content is that it's really bad. It's really, really bad. Like, it's people. I've seen people refer to it as, like, non tent, which is a great term, in my opinion.

[Jon Favreau]

I've never.

[Kat]

Love it.

[Elijah]

Yes. It's just like, them, like, they have this phrase, like, we bring the boom. And, like, half of their content is them just singing, we bring the boom. And it just cuts to someone else in their circle. So it's like, Sally Slices, we bring the boom. Cousin Angelo, we bring the. The womb. Ashley, sister of Big justice, we bring the boom.

[Jon Favreau]

It's very reductive.

[Elijah]

The point is, there's now a meme.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Oh, my God.

[Elijah]

To really overreact and read into every little micro, micro social interaction that happens in the Big Justice AJ universe. And that's what the original tweet was.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Okay. Yeah. So you're five.

[Jon Favreau]

Five.

[Elijah]

Right. Okay.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Well, that is. I honestly. I don't know what a six would be.

[Kat]

Yeah, it would be that.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

It would be that. I think that is the most depressing world that I've been introduced to on this show over the course of the last year we've been doing it.

[Jon Favreau]

Damn.

[Elijah]

Every detail is a little darker. Like, aj, the dad, was a former professional wrestler who failed as a professional wrestler.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

I really dislike kids being part of the world of.

[Jon Favreau]

I agree.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Of YouTube and streaming. I hate it. Really uncomfortable.

[Jon Favreau]

You usually never see any of that money.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

It's just. It cannot be good for anybody. These kids cannot consent to being part of this. They can't understand the consequences for their future for being part of this. It's not right. None of it's right. Yuck, you're dead.

[Elijah]

Anyone disagrees, I'm terminal.

[Jon Favreau]

I.

[Kat]

No, I.

[Elijah]

Do you guys have any questions about the Rizzler?

[Dan Pfeiffer]

No. Do you?

[Kat]

Wait, what were the petty shots that.

[Elijah]

Were being taken Great question, Kat. Thank you. So, for instance, you know, Rizzler's always eating. He's eating some ice cream on the Los Pollos stream, and he takes a bite and he says, bro, this is the best ice cream I've ever had. To which Big justice says, you literally said that last night and the night before. And the Rizzler shoots him a look like. And you can just tell, like, the Rizzler is getting ready to fucking snap.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

How old is the Rizzler?

[Elijah]

Like seven, dude. So young. Their voices are so hard.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

I don't ever want to see. It's all seven years old.

[Jon Favreau]

Yeah. First of all, Elijah, nice graphics package.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Watch your fucking T show. What are you doing?

[Jon Favreau]

Dude, he's a dad. He doesn't have time to watch his TV show.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Where? How are you watching this? Why are you consuming this?

[Elijah]

Okay, listen, Liberal elite, succession watcher, American pastor. This is Yellowstone. This is what real America is.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Yellowstone.

[Elijah]

Yeah.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Is this what yellow Yellowstone is? Yellowstone. Are you watching Yellowstone?

[Elijah]

This is also Yellowstone. There's elite media and not elite media, and you consume elite media. Oh, sorry, are you guys trying to.

[Gabe]

Talk while we're having a thing?

[Jon Favreau]

I just think, like, we could have a sub podcast and a sub podcast. No, keep going. No.

[Kat]

What Would you just shit on men's media?

[Jon Favreau]

It's like Yellowstone. That's such a boy show.

[Kat]

Such a boy show.

[Elijah]

This is the point I was making about y'all underestimating Trump and, like, going on Theo Vaughn right now is in.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Your little bubble bubble.

[Elijah]

And you don't understand that that's. This is real America. The average voter has an opinion about the Rizzler and Big Justice.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

How many views does it owe? Wow, that was. That is a lot of that. That kid does have a great DreamWorks face, but no, you should be shot out of a cannon for even telling us about this. None of us should know it. It's the fucking ring.

[Kat]

I thought I knew something about it. I knew nothing.

[Jon Favreau]

I knew nothing.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

I was confusing Rizzler and Riz King.

[Jon Favreau]

Me too.

[Elijah]

That's. Well, you know, there's a difference though, so.

[Jon Favreau]

I know the Costco dads thing, though.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

You know what? I think the reason you have to be a six, I think this is what a definition of a six is. Your case is so bad, it makes everyone else around you more or worse in terminal. I actually think that, like you telling us that it's contagious. I think this needs to be a new categories, which is basically Dead Patient Zero. You kill you. You brought us into this world and now our brains are a little bit fucked up because we know that there's a seven year old eating ice cream being berated by big Justice.

[Jon Favreau]

So good job Elijah. You made the world a word.

[Gabe]

Look at him. Look at it.

[Elijah]

Sorry for doing the show. Sorry. Sorry for being terminally online.

[Dan Pfeiffer]

Bumping up to a six.

[Elijah]

All right, thank you. I'll accept six.

[Jon Lovett]

That's all for today. If you enjoyed this episode and want more, consider joining our friends of the pod community. As a reminder, we're offering 25% off new annual subscriptions for a limited time only. It's the best way to support the work we do at Crooked Media. Sign up [e-mail] friends or through the Pod Save America feed on Apple Podcast. Thanks for listening and we'll see you when we get back.

[Tommy Vietor]

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