Old Time Radio Westerns

Episode: Roughing It | CBS Radio Workshop (10-05-56)
Host: Andrew Rhynes
Original Broadcast Date: January 6, 2026 (podcast release; episode aired 1956)

Episode Overview

This episode presents a digitally restored radio dramatization of Mark Twain’s Roughing It, performed by the CBS Radio Workshop. Framed as advice for modern Western storytellers, Mark Twain himself (as Samuel Clemens) wryly narrates his own adventures and misadventures as a young man traveling West—the humor, exaggeration, and human foibles that truly flavored the American frontier. This production serves both as a tongue-in-cheek critique of “Hollywood Westerns” and a loving homage to the classic tales of the Wild West, blending satire, tall tales, and real insight about the era.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Satirizing Hollywood Westerns and the Western Myth (01:29 – 03:50)

• Mark Twain opens with a sardonic comparison of Western movies and real-life experience:

  “Movie makers have found three basic ingredients necessary to their presentation of life in the West: ingredient one, scenery; ingredient two, a good man in a white Stetson and a bad one with ten gallons of black felt on his head; ingredient three, a rousing chase…”
  (01:32–01:55)

• Twain notes that despite Hollywood embellishments, everything needed for an “adult Western” can be found in his book Roughing It.

2. The Journey West: Stagecoach Trials & Tall Tales (04:19 – 13:51)

• Twain recounts leaving Missouri by stagecoach for Nevada, with comic commentary on the perils and discomforts of the trip.

  • The dangers of carrying sacks of mail and worries about “literary” Indians.
  • The breakneck pace: “300 miles in 56 hours… only for it to be bested by the railroad, and later by the ‘flying machine’.”
  • The drivers of yore are likened (with a wink) to the cinematic “old-timer.”

• George Bemis’ Legendary Tall Tale (09:11–12:17):

  • George tells an outrageous story about escaping an enraged buffalo and supposedly witnessing a buffalo attempting to climb a tree:

    “You are my meat, friend. … I let go and the slip noose fell fairly around his neck…there he was, dangling in the air, twenty feet from the ground.”
    (11:00–12:10)

  • Twain dryly questions his story’s veracity, and Bemis retorts:

    “There’s something to be said for a liar. On a long journey, a really good one makes the time pass more quickly.”
    (12:29–12:32)

3. Arrival and Settling into the West (13:52 – 15:58)

• The party reaches Carson City after a grueling 20 days.
  • Twain describes the town as reminiscent of “High Noon”—small, stark, and full of raw drama.
  • On arrival, they witness violence firsthand:

    “I never saw Mr. Harris shoot down a man after that without recalling my first day in Carson City.”
    (14:16–14:22)

4. Acquiring a Steed: The True Nature of Western Horses (15:09 – 16:48)

• Twain attempts to buy a horse at auction, lured by locals into purchasing an infamously unmanageable “genuine Mexican plug.”
  • The supposedly noble beast immediately bucks Twain off, escaping over fences and out of sight.

    “When I came down again, the genuine Mexican plug was not there. He darted away like a telegram…”
    (16:48–17:13)

  • Twain questions the romantic portrayal of horses in Western stories.

5. Prospecting and Getting Lost: Survival and Forgiveness (17:58 – 22:24)

• Twain heads out prospecting with companions, quickly getting lost in the snow.
  • Comic exchange as each blames the other for their predicament:

    “If you hadn’t got the fool notion that frozen sagebrush would burn…”
    (20:42–20:44)

  • Facing potential death, the group melodramatically forgives one another for imagined slights, only to awaken safely near the stage station.

    “I could not die with two finer gentlemen.”
    (21:50–21:52)

6. Saloon Life and the Myth of the Violent Frontier (23:38 – 28:15)

• Twain lampoons the Hollywood idea of the eternally violent, gunslinging saloon.
  • A typical barroom squabble, filled with comically escalating offense-taking, threats, and bluster:

    “Don’t rake up old bygones and throw them in the teeth of a passable people who wants to be peaceful if they could get a chance!”
    (25:58–26:04, Arkansas)

  • The conflict is abruptly ended—not by gunfire, but by the entrance of the formidable Mrs. Johnson, who shames the men into silence:

    “You fire off that pistol once more and I’ll run this butcher knife clean down from your guzzle to your boots. Do I make myself clear?”
    (27:27–28:07, Mrs. Johnson)

  • Twain gently mocks the over-dramatization of Western violence and the idealized “taming” influence of women.

7. Closing Reflection: The Real West vs. Hollywood (28:25 – 29:10)

• Twain reiterates the comedic and true elements of his book:

  “Real information about the west appears to stew out of me naturally… So, as I previously remarked, any writing fellows contemplating an adult western can find the book in the public library. Its title is Roughing It, and its authority is yours truly, Samuel Clemens.”
  (28:25–29:10)

Memorable Quotes

• On Hollywood Westerns:

  “Movie makers have found three basic ingredients necessary to their presentation of life in the West…”
  (01:32, Samuel Clemens)

• On Stagecoach Hardships:

  “You gotta rock along a rutted trail at 12 miles an hour like we did to understand the country.”
  (08:04, Samuel Clemens)

• On Tall Tales:

  “There’s something to be said for a liar. On a long journey, a really good one makes the time pass more quickly.”
  (12:29, George Bemis)

• On Horse Trading:

  “You always get a bargain when my brother auctions off a horse.”
  (16:48, Mr. Ballou)

• On Survival and Camaraderie:

  “Let’s shake hands and then lie down in the snow. And in the morning, why, we’ll be frozen to death. Yeah, they say that freezing to death is the most happiest way to die.”
  (21:56, George Bemis)

• On Barroom Brawls:

  “You fire off that pistol once more and I’ll run this butcher knife clean down from your guzzle to your boots. Do I make myself clear?”
  (27:27, Mrs. Johnson)

Important Segment Timestamps

• Hollywood Westerns Satirized – 01:32
• Departure for the West & Stagecoach Hardships – 04:19 – 08:04
• Bemis’ Tall Tale – 09:11 – 12:17
• Arrival, First Impressions of Carson City – 13:52 – 15:58
• Horse Auction Fiasco – 15:09 – 16:48
• Prospecting & Getting Lost – 17:58 – 22:24
• Saloon Showdown and Mrs. Johnson’s Intervention – 23:38 – 28:15
• Final Thoughts & Book Plug – 28:25 – 29:10

Tone and Style

The entire episode brims with Twain’s characteristic wit, playful irony, and a keen eye for absurdity. The language is wry and frequently tongue-in-cheek, both lampooning and honoring classic Western tropes and characters.

This episode stands as both an affectionate sendup of Western storytelling conventions and a lively dramatization of real frontier misadventure, as filtered through Mark Twain’s sharp, humorous lens. It’s a delightful listen for fans of classic literature, radio drama, and those curious about the enduring legacy—and often the myth—of the American West.