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Foreign.
Andrew Rines (Podcast Host)
Welcome to the Old Time Radio Westerns. I'm your host, Andrew Rines, and let's get into this episode. This episode is going to be All Star Western Theater. Original air date is February 16, 1947 and the title is why Did I Leave Wyoming?
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Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Could you be more specific?
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When it's cravinient? Okay, like a freshly baked cookie made with real butter, available right down the street at am, pm Or a savory breakfast sandwich I can grab in just a second at am pm.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
I'm seeing a pattern here.
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Well, yeah, we're talking about what I.
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Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
The Bakers of Weber's Bread present your all star Western Theater. From Hollywood comes your all star Western Theaters starring America's great western singers, Boy Willing and the Riders of the Purple Sage. Today we welcome a return fidget from that great cowboy champion, Marty Montana. Our guest star is that famous mustache comedian of Freeman radio, Jerry Colonna. My name is Cotton Seed Clark and here are the writers of the Purple Sage.
Foy Willing (Singer)
To my lonely song. Carry me away from the side of grave. No. Unbelievable. I roll on with you the ocean.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
When the west was wild and woolly and the bonteer towns were straggling rows of ramshackle buildings, A visit from a medicine man was a welcome event. Besides the cure alls that he sold, he brought news of the outside world and the glamour of the show business. It was all part of western community life then, just as Weber's Bread is a part of community life today. Well mixed and well baked, Weber's bread is enjoyed by thousands of Southern California families. Housewives know that when they serve Weber's bread regularly, their families are getting the benefit of really good bread. Well mixed and well baked, Weber's is a substantial enjoyable part of every meal. So buy Weber's Bread when you go shopping. You'll like it and your entire family will too. And now let's take a few moments to go back through the musical years with the writers of the purple stage as they blend their fine western voices to sing one of the grandest of all memory songs. Among my souvenirs.
Foy Willing (Singer)
There's nothing left for me of days that used to be I live in memory among my children. Some letters tied with blue A photograph or two I see a road from you among my souvenirs A few more tokens within my trouble my sister and though they do their best. And as the tear drops gone I find a broken heart.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
New listeners of the All Star Western Theater are in for a special treat today. For we have as our guest one of America's foremost comedy stars of radio and screen, the professor himself, Jerry Colonna. Our guest star, is heard with the writers of the purple stage and a comedy story of the west written especially for him entitled why Did I Ever Leave Wyoming? From out of the spacious west blazing a trail swiftly through mountain, plain and stream comes the thundering hoof beats of the great hark silverware.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Why, oh why did I ever leave Wyoming? Why oh, why did I ever have to go? Why or why did I ever leave my old man? But there's a sheriff back there looking for me high and low and high and low. All right, giddy up there. What do you know? I had my paddle on backwards. Yes, sir. Jackerberg. Alona. I'm a cowboy, fry cook, fighter, wild horse rider and right mod of a windmill fixer. Here's my faithful horse. Silverware. Silverware. Say howdy to The Nice People. AC47. Rogers. Roy Rogers, that is. Folks, I reckon you are.
Foy Willing (Singer)
Folks.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
I have a story to tell you which I figured might interest you, I reckon. Oh, excuse me, please. Hello, hackle girls. Colonist picking? No, sorry, old man, but I've sworn off, I reckon. Nope, sorry. Never again. I've learned my lesson. I know you need the business, but I can't afford it. Then why don't you go into some other business? But, but, but. All right, but this is the last time. Now give me two across on El Lobo. Oh, that's all right. Don't mention it. Goodbye, Crosby.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Professor, how about that?
Foy Willing (Singer)
Going to tell us?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Ah, yes, the story I'll never forget the day I was born, my father was nervously pacing the kitchen floor. I remember well how he said, gosh, I hope it's a boy or a girl. Finally, the stock flew over my house and gently deposited his precious package on the front porch. The next morning, father went out to get the milk and saw the little bundle. He heard a tiny cry. He peeked beneath the blanket and then fondly said, well, what do you know, A stray cat. Then more came out and said, this is your boy. What is that? I said, this is your boy. Think we ought to go see Mr. Anthony? Then I began to think of life. Ah, life, life. Without it you're dead. But to make a short story longer, come with me back to my early days in my old home state of Wyoming. I fell in with the wrong crowd. And as soon as I found myself in dutch with an Irish cop, that is a tenderfoot neat flat foot, you know. He was a very close friend of the county judge. Carcaber colonial. You're charged with robbing the world's cargo office. Step up to the bar. The case now be open. Sorry, judge, I never touched a step. Order.
Foy Willing (Singer)
Order.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Well, if you insist, I'll have a short beer. Bailey, swear to descending in. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? I do. What's the matter with you? Crazy or something? That'll be all.
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They.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
That'll Be all bailiff, you may return to your saddle. Oh, by the way, Judge, the Fella in cell 13 wants a clean towel and a ginger ale set up. Shall I get it for him? By all means. I won't have our criminal clientele complaining of the service. And that reminds me, defendant Felona. Yes? Where were you on the night of December 31st? Well, you might see, I was sitting up with a fake friend.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
You should have been with me.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
I had a wonderful time. When you and your henchmen were making your getaway from the Wells Fargo office, who was driving the car? No one. We were all in the back seat. Kelowna, you're plum crazy. Ah, yes, and I'm a little bit wild about bananas, too. You're a dangerous man, Kelowna. Why? It's been rumored that your wife caught you cheating at poker. Is that true? I cannot tell a lie. It is true. Did you have an ace up your sleeve? No, I had a queen on my lap. What did she do to you? Oh, nothing much. She just comes over, puts the soft lily white hands to my head, then pushed my ears together. I take it your home life is none too pleasant. Well, it isn't my fault, you, Honor. My wife is always hounding me for money all the time. It's money, money, money. Oh, what did she do with all this money?
Foy Willing (Singer)
I don't know.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
I never give her any. I understand that just yesterday your wife came to you on her knees. That's right, your Excellency. She got down on her knees to me and dared me to come out from under the bed. Colona, I don't mind telling you, I think you're stupid. Oh, hold on there, you, Honor. I'll have you understand my IQ is 82.
Foy Willing (Singer)
82?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Why, Colona, you're a moron. I am?
Foy Willing (Singer)
Yes.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Then I got a right to be stupid. Well, Defendant Cockleburg Kelowna, due to the lack of evidence in this case, I am not going to send you the jail. But for the good of the grand and glorious state of Wyoming, this court gives you 24 hours to leave the state. That is all. My next performance will be at 10 o' clock tomorrow morning. So I became a wanderer. I began to roam, on and on. Then one day, my faithful horse, Silverware carried me across the state land into the land of sunshine, California. It was just the morning mist with white caps. At sundown, Silver and I swam into Hollywood, where I registered for a room at the ymca. It was there that I met those three boys, the riders of the Purple matzo balls. Ah, little did I know. Oh, excuse me, please. Hello, Parker. Berkelona picking. Hello, Hope. You say you want me to go to Alaska with you on an expedition? Wonderful, Hope. Special job for me. I'll take the job. Goodbye, Hope. What's a lead dog? As I was saying, I met three boys who convinced me that my field them that I was a theatre.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
We got the greatest act you ever heard. All we need is somebody to manage us and see that we're heard in the right places.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
All right, boys, let me hear your act and I'll consider it.
Foy Willing (Singer)
Good.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Come on, let's show the professor what we can do.
Foy Willing (Singer)
Give us a pit scene.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Timber. Timber.
Foy Willing (Singer)
Timber. Timber.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Well, what do you think, Professor?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Well, your voices have plenty of timber. Now sing the rest of the song.
Foy Willing (Singer)
That's all there is to it.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Yeah, we figured it was better to have the people wanting more than to give them too much.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Not very liberal with your talents, are you? Let me hear it again. All right, Now, what do you think? Man, you'll have to prove your rank or it'll go to the dock.
Foy Willing (Singer)
Then.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Then what do you suggest? More timber. And now let us see what we do. Let's sing it backwards. Everything is headed for a backward trend these days. Now let me sing it with you. You start at the bottom and come up.
Foy Willing (Singer)
All right. Timber. Timber.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Timber. Timber. Ah, yes. There's going to be firewood in the cook stove this winter. I believe that improves it. Well, my first suggestion is to play the act up in the Redwood country. Ah, we want to stay here and.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Go on the radio.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Radio? Just a passing fancy. It'll never last. Well, I think we ought to produce.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
That play we wrote. We can make some money that way.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
The play will produce money. I am one of the greatest actors in the world.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Well, good for you, Cockleburg. Let's go out into the country, run a barn and show it there before we try it out in town.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
You mean you're going to put a play on in a barn?
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Sure, why not?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
It's a handy place to lay an egg.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
What kind of a part can you play, Professor?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
I am the hero type myself.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Well, the hero of our clay is the best looking man in the country.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Yeah, Me Ann.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Yeah, he's got big muscles and fears no man.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Yeah, Me Ann.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
And he never has anything to do with the girls.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Reshuffle.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
If you ask me, I think the smart thing to do would be to.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Try to get a job and quit.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
This time to break into this show business.
Foy Willing (Singer)
Business?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Boy, has A point there. Let's sit on it.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Oh, let's go to the Cheyenne Roundup and see the rodeo. And then hire out his cow punchers to some ranch in that there country there.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Cheyenne? That's in Wyoming, isn't it?
Foy Willing (Singer)
That's right.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Sorry, boys, I can't go with you. You see, a Wyoming sheriff is looking for me high and low and high and low.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
What does he want you for?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Well, I was trained. There was a big robbery, then suddenly, before I know it, get out of Wyoming and stay out. And here I am.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Well, that's too bad, Salona. You know, I. I sure was anxious to see the big rodeo at Cheyenne's. Our old friend Monty Montana is going to be there this year.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Monty Montana? Know him? Well. Taught him how to ride and handle the ropes.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Well, why don't you disguise yourself? Grow a beard or something.
Foy Willing (Singer)
Yeah, that's right.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
And then maybe nobody will recognize you.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Find a suggestion, boys. I have it. I've always wanted a mustache. That's it. I'll grow a big black mustache.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Well, then, let's head for Cheyenne. You can grow some lipweed while we're riding through the brush country, huh?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Why, that's wonderful. And when we get there, I have an experiment I wish to try out for the Petzman Company.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
What kind of an experiment?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
I'm going to brush a cow's teeth with toothpaste.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
What you going to do that for?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
To see if she'll give dental cream. So we packed our rolls of response to see our friend Monte Montana in Cheyenne, Wyoming. On the way, I grew the face brush that I still wear today. Gorgeous thing, isn't it? Oh, excuse me. Hello, cracker. Barcolona thinking. Hello, Roy. I'll stick the Trigger. Marvelous. You say you taught him how to count to 10? Splendid. I'll get him to teach you to count to 20 as our old Faithfuls carried us into Cheyenne. Marnie, better set the radio station. Well, howdy, boys.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Welcome to Wyoming.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Well, thank you, Montana. It's good to be home again.
Foy Willing (Singer)
Oh, yeah.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Where's your horses? Oh, they're still on the train. They have tickets to Hialeah. Oh, that reminds me. Excuse me a moment. Hello, operator. Wonderful thing, radio. Should be B. Crosby in Hollywood. Hello, Crosby. Mr. Kelowna, how did that lobo run in the Sevens? Too bad. Should have followed my hunch and not bet. Who won? Trigger. How'd he get into the race? Horbus's Day offered Republic. Oh, yes. How much did he pay? Oh, you're waiting for Trigger to figure his Own Mutuals, huh? Who's the jockey? Gabby Hayes. Oh, they won by a beer. That's Planet. Goodbye, Crosby. Armani. Let's be off to the rodeo. Okay, Cuckle Burr, you boys come right along. My car's over here. Hey, that's a fine looking automobile, Monty. What kind is it? Oh, it's a late model. It's a 1910 Stanley Steamer. Better late than never, I always say. Well, let's be going.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
How's the rodeo coming along, Monty?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Oh, fine, boys.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
The biggest years in a long time.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Monty, watch out where you're driving. Don't worry, Cucklebur, I got my eyes on the road. Well, put him back in your head and watch where you're going. You know, Cuckle Burr, you strike me as a man who's been around horses.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
All right, Smart.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Is that right? Maybe. I should probably use it for fuel. Say, look, there's a jackrabbit. I'll see if I can get him.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
You got him Dead thinner, Monty. Mighty good shot there, Monty. Why, sure.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Thank you, boys. I'm not a bad hand, but a six shooter myself.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Didn't know you could shoot, Professor.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Oh, one of the best. I'm much better at knife throwing.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
However, you've been holding me out on this clone. I didn't know you was a knife thrower.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
One of the best. I used to take a knife in hand and at 50 paces pack my brother's tie from around his neck. But I had to stop.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
What's the matter, you run out of ties?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
No, my brother was a very erratic sort of chap. One day he lost his head. Well, here we are at the rodeo, boys.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Sure is a lot of people here. Never saw such a crowd.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Sure is. Everybody and their horses. And I must remember that I am a hunted man.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Won't nobody recognize you with that big black mustache?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
I don't think so either. It makes a perfect disguise. My own mother wouldn't know me. Well, Gerald, my boy. What are you doing back here in this here part of the country? Why, Mother, I didn't recognize you with that big black mustache. How's Father? I'm all right, son. Been kind of busy here.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Late making myself a new set of teeth.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
This is like old times. Back to my old home state with my mother and father. How's my twin brother to set it? Oh, he was doing right well the last time we heard from the big professor at the school where he was at. I'm glad to hear that. Does he study hard? Oh, he don't do no studying at all they're studying him. Yes, yes. Keeper had a little trouble with him. He almost escaped from his cage twice.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Boys, we'd better hurry.
Foy Willing (Singer)
We'll be late.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
I see the people are beginning to move in.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
All right, be right with you. I must bid my parents farewell. Goodbye, Mother. Goodbye. Goodbye, Father.
Foy Willing (Singer)
Bye.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Well, got that over with in a hurry. All right, Marty, I'm ready for the rodeo. Fine, Tucklebird. Let's cut through the crowd.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
This way you'll never be recognized as your perfect disguise.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Oh, it's a perfect disguise.
Foy Willing (Singer)
Splendid.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
There he is, boys. The problem with the judgment. Out of the state.
Foy Willing (Singer)
After him.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
The sheriff. Guckleber. I must run for it. My house, quick. Think I should have gotten on. And so I left Wyoming again with the sheriff out of my trail. Excuse me. Hello. Taco Bell, Colona speaking. Hello, Miss Vague. Well, you want to know what became the three Handsome Boys? Why do you want to know that? Oh, excuse me, Miss Peg. I didn't mean to ask such a silly question. I haven't seen them in quite a while. But I'll keep you posted.
Foy Willing (Singer)
Goodbye.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Ah, those three boys. Wait. Someone's approaching. Perhaps it's a sheriff's party. But what do you know? The riders of the Purple Metal Ball.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
We've been looking all over the country for you.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Did you find me anywhere?
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Not yet. Oh, shut up.
Foy Willing (Singer)
Floyd.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
We're mighty glad we ran into you.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
We got a big chance to go.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Onto a show and we need to manage it.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
I'm your man. When do we work? As soon as we can get there.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
We'll open in Cheyenne next week.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Cheyenne? That's the Wyoming, ain't it?
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
It sure is.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Party boys. I reckon this is the end of the trail for me. I reckon.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
You mean you're still wanted in Wyoming?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
You have it wrong. I'm not wanted in Wyoming. I reckon this is the end of the trail for me I reckon.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
We're sorry to hear that, Cussel Burr.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
I'm Maud. Sad about it. Mighty sad. I reckon this is the end of the trail for me. Why, oh, why did I ever leave Wyoming? Why, oh, why did I ever have to go? Why, oh, why did I ever leave? Cause there is someone back there Looking.
Foy Willing (Singer)
For me High and low and high.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
And low I flied my hand in Cody Wrangling coach for Bunk and Beam when the sheriff said, let's bust the bronc I shook right in my tee I climbed up on the saddle and I raked him with my spurs the next thing I remember they were picking out the birds oh, why oh, why.
Foy Willing (Singer)
Did I ever leave my old friend?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Why, oh why did I ever have to go?
Foy Willing (Singer)
Why, oh why did I ever leave Wyoming?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Cause there is someone back there looking.
Foy Willing (Singer)
For me High and low and high and low oh, give me back my.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Prairie and my saddle and wild game where the hills are nice and curvy and the women are the same we're cowboys all year Whoopee. And the lariat they swirl and timber wolves yellow. I knew they'd get that in there somewhere when they see a pretty girl.
Foy Willing (Singer)
Oh why, oh why did I ever leave Wyoming?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Why, oh why did I ever have to go?
Foy Willing (Singer)
Why, oh why did I ever leave my own win?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Cuz there is someone back there looking.
Foy Willing (Singer)
For me High and low and high and low I know I used to.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Live in Cheyenne It's a lovely place to see you can ride along the rolling plains just east of Laramie. The shedders almost caught me and that's why I have to roam he saw me working in the bank and taking samples home oh why, oh I never leave Wyoming why, oh why did I ever have to go?
Foy Willing (Singer)
Why, oh why did I ever leave Wyoming?
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Cause there's a sheriff back there looking.
Foy Willing (Singer)
For me High and low Low and high and low and high.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
There he is, man. Cut him off the flat. I'll get the rope. You can, Little beaver. It's the posse. Let's hit the trail. Thank you.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Jerry Colon heard with our guest star today were Leora Thatcher as Ma, Joe Forte as the judge, and Johnny Paul, Corey Willing, Al Floy and Jimmy Dean as themselves. Jerry Colona will return to our microphone in a few moments. Well, there's one in every cow camp. A cow puncher who can make the other cowboys laugh. In the old days, when opportunities for entertainment were few and far between, a cowboy with a sense of humor was a valuable addition to a ranch. He helped keep the men happy today. Weber's Bread can help keep Westerners happy, too. For Weber's Bread served regularly is a big step toward mealtime satisfaction. Well mixed and well baked, Weber's bread has that firm, even texture, that golden brown crust and that distinctive flavor that make it blend well with other foods at breakfast, lunch or dinner. Your entire family will enjoy Weber's Bread. So buy a loaf of Weber's Bread tomorrow. You'll see it at your grocer in the familiar blue gingham wrapper, and you'll like it. And now, here is Foy Willing, returning with our guest star, Jerry Colonna. It's been a lot of fun and a real Pleasure having you as our guest, Jerry.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
Thank you, Foy. I've been one of your listeners for a long time. And believe me, it's a pleasure taking part in your all star Western theater. Not only to sing with your boys, but to keep company with my good friend, Monty Montana.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Say, I believe you and Marty do a lot of riding together.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
That's right. I spend most of my time on horseback when I'm. By the way, Jerry, I hear heard you say that you taught me how to ride and use a rope. Well, I like this. See, I was. Well, to show you my appreciation, Jerry.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
I'm going to do something for you. I'm keeping a string of wild brain mysterious out of my place for a friend of mine.
Jerry Colonna (Guest Star/Comedian)
And in return for what you've taught me, I'm going to teach you to ride every one of them. What's the matter, you crazy assassin?
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Again, thanks to you Burek and honor for being our guest today. And to you mighty Montana, for visiting with us again. Here they are, folks. Men of the west from out of the west with a real song of the West. The writers of the Purple Sage singing your request song Cool Water.
Foy Willing (Singer)
All day I face the barren way without the the taste of water. Don't you listen to him, Dan. He's a devil, not a man. And he spreads the burning sand with water. Dan, can you see that big green tree where the water's running free and it's waiting there for you and me. Cool. And I'm a foolish star. The pool of water. But with the dawn I'll wake and yawn and carry on to water. Cool water, clear water, deep balloons can listen to him, Dan. He's the devil, not a man. And he spreads the burning plant with water. Then can you see that big green tree where the water's running free and it's waiting night for you. You and me. The shadows sway and see the same. Tonight we pray for water. Like me I guess. Need light to rest where there's no flower. Clear water he believes. And then those who listen to him then he's the devil, not a man. And he spreads the burning sand with water. And can you see that big green tree where the water's running free and it's waiting there for you. You and me.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
Thank you very much, folks. This is Corey Willing speaking for Alfoy, Jimmy Dean and all of the rice.
Foy Willing (Singer)
Of the purple stage stand so long.
Cotton Seed Clark (Host/Narrator)
And thanks for being with us again this week. From Hollywood. You have heard your all star Western theater starring America's great western singers. Boy Willing and the riders of the Purple Sage. Today we welcome the return visit from that great cowboy champion, Marty Montana. Our guest star was the famous comedian of radio and scream, Jerry Colon. My name is Cotton C. Clark saying much obliged to keep in company with us. This program came to you from Columbia Square K N X Los Angeles, the voice of Hollywood.
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Andrew Rines (Podcast Host)
This has been a presentation of otrwesterns.com and we hope you enjoyed. Please take some time to like and rate our shows in your favorite podcast application. Follow us on Facebook by going to otrwesterns.com Facebook subscribe to our YouTube channel by going to otrwesterns.Com YouTube and send us an email podcasttrwesterns.com youm can call and leave us a voicemail. 707-986-8739. This episode is copyright under the Attribution Non Commercial Share Like Copyright for more information go to otrwesterns.com sl copyright have a great day and thanks for listening.
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Host: Andrew Rhynes
Episode: Why Did I Leave Wyoming | All Star Western Theatre (02-16-47)
Date: November 24, 2025
This episode of Old Time Radio Westerns features a restored 1947 broadcast of the beloved All Star Western Theatre. The central feature is a comedic musical sketch, “Why Did I Ever Leave Wyoming?”, led by the flamboyant radio comedian Jerry Colonna, with guest appearances by cowboy champion Monty Montana and the musical stylings of Foy Willing and the Riders of the Purple Sage. Set against the whimsical chaos and frontier charm of classic radio drama, the episode blends slapstick humor, homespun storytelling, and Western music, inviting listeners into a world where mistaken identities, mustachioed disguises, and heartfelt songs ride alongside wisecracks and cowboy lingo.
“...for the good of the grand and glorious state of Wyoming, this court gives you 24 hours to leave the state.” (13:28)
“Your voices have plenty of timber. Now sing the rest of the song.” (15:18)
“I've always wanted a mustache. That's it. I'll grow a big black mustache.” (18:16)
“There he is, boys. The problem with the judgment. Out of the state!” (22:51)
“Give me back my prairie and my saddle and wild game, where the hills are nice and curvy, and the women are the same.” (25:20)
“Thank you, Foy. I've been one of your listeners for a long time. And believe me, it's a pleasure taking part… not only to sing with your boys but to keep company with my good friend, Monty Montana.” (28:22)
“No one. We were all in the back seat.” (12:08)
“Did you have an ace up your sleeve?”
“No, I had a queen on my lap.” (12:58)
“I'll have you understand my IQ is 82.”
“Why, Colona, you're a moron.”
“I am? Then I got a right to be stupid.” (13:24–13:28)
“I've always wanted a mustache. That's it. I'll grow a big black mustache.” (18:16)
“We figured it was better to have the people wanting more than to give them too much.” (15:25)
“Radio? Just a passing fancy. It'll never last.” (16:28)
“Why Did I Ever Leave Wyoming?” stands as a lighthearted, madcap showcase of vintage American radio entertainment. It mingles the camaraderie of cowboys, the zany escapism of Jerry Colonna, and the timeless harmonies of Foy Willing and the Riders of the Purple Sage. Both longtime fans of old-time radio and newcomers can appreciate the blend of Western authenticity with vaudeville comedy, making this a signature sample of the genre’s enduring appeal.