On Purpose with Jay Shetty – “10 Life Changing Lessons I Learned in The Last 12 Months (Birthday Special!)”

Release Date: September 5, 2025
Host: Jay Shetty

Episode Overview

This special birthday edition features Jay reflecting on his personal growth over the past year. In a candid solo episode, he shares the 10 most powerful lessons he has learned, each derived from his own experience, challenges, and introspections. The aim is to inspire listeners to reflect on their own lives and to approach personal growth with honesty, compassion, and mindfulness.

Key Lessons & Insights

1. Helping Less Can Actually Help More

Timestamp: 05:05 – 12:45

• Overhelping those you love may inadvertently limit their growth and independence.
• Helping can transform from love into control if you do everything for others, fostering dependency and diminishing self-belief.
• True positive influence comes when you empower others to trust their own instincts.
• Quote:

  “Real coaching isn’t carrying someone up the mountain. It’s reminding them they have legs.” – Jay Shetty (10:12)

• Actionable Takeaway: Support others but allow space for them to build resilience.

2. Saying No Is a Full Sentence

Timestamp: 12:47 – 23:40

• Boundaries nurture both trust and respect in relationships.
• Saying ‘yes’ out of obligation leads to resentment and self-betrayal, while a true ‘no’ is an act of respect.
• Our evolutionary fear of rejection makes saying ‘no’ difficult, but practicing it increases self-esteem and decreases anxiety.
• Jay shares a personal moment of setting boundaries, prioritizing presence for a friend in need over public demands.
• Quote:

  “Every no is a small vote of confidence that your time, energy and needs actually matter.” – Jay Shetty (17:30)

• Memorable Story: A lifetime “yes-woman” changes family dynamics by finally saying “no,” resulting in respect and healthier relationships for all.

3. Your Attention is Your Real Bank Account

Timestamp: 23:42 – 27:20

• Where you place your attention, not just your money, most shapes your life quality.
• Attention is a finite resource; distractions—especially from digital media—deplete its value.
• Investing attention in meaningful pursuits is more predictive of satisfaction than income or IQ.
• Quote:

  “You can’t transfer your sacrifice into someone else’s success. You can’t transfer your discipline into someone else's desire.” – Jay Shetty (10:42)
  [In reference to helping; also resonant about investing personal attention.]

4. Achievement Without Alignment Feels Like Failure

Timestamp: 29:15 – 34:30

• Achievements unaligned with your values will feel hollow, regardless of outward success.
• Fulfillment requires internal alignment, not just chasing external milestones.
• Happiness is about losing envy, ego, and greed—not just gaining status or possessions.
• Quote:

  “You’ll become successful by what you get. You’ll become happy by what you lose.” – Jay Shetty (30:02)

• Reflection: Jay likens envy and ego to weeds in the garden of life—requiring consistent uprooting for lasting peace.

5. The People Who Frustrate You Teach You Most About You

Timestamp: 34:35 – 36:10

• People act as mirrors, reflecting parts of ourselves we may not accept.
• Emotional triggers (anger, jealousy, impatience) reveal our own internal wounds or expectations.
• Quote:

  “Your triggers are your teachers. Every reaction is a revelation.” – Jay Shetty (35:10)

• Insight: Patterns will repeat—especially those involving difficult people—until we learn from them.

6. Kindness Is Remembered Longer Than Achievement

Timestamp: 36:11 – 38:50

• At milestone birthdays or funerals, people rarely mention accomplishments—instead, kindness and care are remembered.
• Emotional memory outlasts factual memory; positive energy and compassion have enduring impact.
• Quote:

  “People forget what you achieved. They don’t forget how affectionate you were.” – Jay Shetty (37:00)

7. People Change More From Being Understood Than From Being Corrected

Timestamp: 38:51 – 40:40

• People aren’t changed by arguments or correction, but by feeling truly seen and heard.
• Validation, sincere listening, and curiosity foster transformation.
• Quote:

  “People change more from being loved than from being hated.” – Jay Shetty (40:15)

• Observation: We often give our best selves to strangers and our worst to those closest—misplacing our best energy.

8. We Remember Endings More Than Middles (The Peak-End Rule)

Timestamp: 40:41 – 43:36

• People judge experiences (relationships, jobs, vacations) by peak moments and their ending—not average duration.
• One bad ending can overshadow years of good; a kind end can redeem pain.
• Quote:

  “Memory measures life in moments, and endings. End things well.” – Jay Shetty (42:45)

• Practical Tip: Focus on leaving people and places better than you found them; design memorable peaks and manage endings with care.

Notable Quotes & Moments

| Time | Speaker | Quote | |---------|-----------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 10:12 | Jay Shetty| “Real coaching isn’t carrying someone up the mountain. It’s reminding them they have legs.” | | 17:30 | Jay Shetty| “Every no is a small vote of confidence that your time, energy and needs actually matter.” | | 30:02 | Jay Shetty| “You’ll become successful by what you get. You’ll become happy by what you lose.” | | 35:10 | Jay Shetty| “Your triggers are your teachers. Every reaction is a revelation.” | | 37:00 | Jay Shetty| “People forget what you achieved. They don’t forget how affectionate you were.” | | 40:15 | Jay Shetty| “People change more from being loved than from being hated.” | | 42:45 | Jay Shetty| “Memory measures life in moments, and endings. End things well.” |

Closing Thoughts & Recap

Jay gently reminds listeners that personal patterns persist unless consciously examined and worked on. He encourages a ritual of annual introspection—reflect, reframe, and release what doesn’t serve, especially around meaningful milestones like birthdays.

“You repeat what you don’t repair, you repeat what you don’t reflect on, you repeat what you don’t release.” – Jay Shetty (43:10)

He concludes with gratitude for his audience, offering continued support and urging everyone to take a moment for self-audit on their birthdays or whenever life allows.

Timestamps for Key Lessons

• Helping less can help more: 05:05
• Saying no is a full sentence: 12:47
• Attention as your bank account: 23:42
• Achievement vs. alignment: 29:15
• Triggers as teachers: 34:35
• Kindness over achievement: 36:11
• Being understood > correction: 38:51
• Memory of endings: 40:41

Final Note

This introspective episode is both heartfelt and practical, filled with deeply human lessons and memorable stories. It serves as a guide for listeners to step back, evaluate their own growth, and adopt healthier, more authentic ways of engaging with the world and themselves. Jay delivers his wisdom with sincerity, humility, and encouragement, making this birthday special a meaningful toolkit for personal development.