← On Purpose with Jay Shetty
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
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Sometimes life can seem hard and tough to navigate, but what may seem like the smallest tasks, such as getting out of bed or even brushing your teeth, should be celebrated as a win. And State Farm is here to help you celebrate all your wins. The State Farm Personal Price Plan helps you create an affordable price just for you. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the Personal Price Plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability of amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. This new year, why not let Audible expand your life by listening? Explore over 1 million audiobooks, podcasts and exclusive Audible originals that'll inspire and motivate you. I've been listening to Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss Listening on Audible can help you reach the goals you set for yourself. Start listening today when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com purpose or text purpose to 500500 that's audible.com purpose or text purpose To 500500 Love starts with you. Pandora Jewelry celebrates your story with designs crafted with care and meaning. From sparkling lab grown diamonds to vibrant enamel and personalized engravings, every piece reflects who you are. Whether it's a charm full of memories or a design that feels like you, Pandora helps you express your unique journey. It's more than jewelry, it's a celebration of you. Shop Pandora today in store or online@pandora.net every day is a chance to be love. Let Pandora Jewelry remind you that love starts with you. Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience on purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q and A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty Me Tor and get yours today. Break the patterns. Your brain links routines to them. If you change your routine, you will change the attachment. Too many of us don't change our pattern, don't change our routine and expect to change the attachment. The number one health and wellness podcast Jay Shetty Jay Shetty the one, the only Jay Shetty hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. It's your host, Jay Shetty. And I am so happy, so grateful that you've joined me today. This episode is dedicated to to anyone who's struggling with a breakup. If you or your friend has gone through a recent breakup and even though you're putting on a brave face or they're putting on a brave face, you know this has affected you, it's affected them. This episode is for you and them. If you're someone who is scared of breaking up because of what might come, this episode is for you. And if you're someone who just got broken up with and you're trying to figure out what healing looks like, whether it's possible, what are the things that are about to come your way, this episode is for you. I really want you to use this episode as a map, as a guideline to create your own reinvention, to create your own rejuvenation, and to create your own comeback. I really believe that this episode will give you ideas, insights, ways in which you can apply to see how to use this as a transformative experience. These moments in our lives come at us hard and fast. They hit us really hard and they affect all, all areas of our life. And often when we're going through a breakup, we really feel like there will be no better day. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. We can often experience this, but this episode is here to remind you not only will you rise, but you will rise stronger, better and more resilient. I also want to make this episode extremely practical and tactical for you. So write down notes whether you're using your phone or whether you're writing down in your journal. And make sure you come back to this one as well. So the first thing I want to set you is this idea called a 30 day no contact reinvention challenge. Instead of just avoiding contact, I want you to actively reinvent yourself each day. The reason why breakups hurt so much is because we feel parts of ourself are are lost, broken or gone forever. And when we realize that, actually we're not trying to hold on to what was there, we're trying to rebuild from what's left. We're looking at what has been left behind and what we can do with that, not what we once had. So I'm going to break this down into five day experiences because often what we think about is we hear things like time will heal all wounds. That's not untrue. I actually think that is true. But here's the thing. We need to make it smaller. We need to make it more measurable, we need to make it more actionable. Does time mean 6 months, 12 months, 3 months? So I'm going to give you a 30 day no contact reinvention challenge. Day one to five, potentially the most difficult, hardest painful days. You just broke up with them, they just broke up with you. This is the time that you're most likely to run back to them or they're most likely to try and get you back or they're most likely to ignore you and you really want them back. Day one to five will be the hardest days you experience. Here's what you do. Delete messages. Remove reminders. Block social media. Create a breakup free digital space. It's so needed. It's so, so needed. And a big part of this is something I call the anti ritual disruption. You had a ritual with this person that started to feel like your life. You always texted them good night. You always got a good morning message from them. You always went out to coffee together on Saturday, Sundays for brunch. Break those patterns. Purge. Delete the messages, remove the reminders. Block mute. Break up free digital space and break the patterns of those rituals. If you always texted them good night, text someone else good night. A friend, a family member, someone who's always been there for you, someone who's always around. Someone that you may not even remember. That often. Send them a good night message. You used to go with them every Saturday to get a coffee, every Sunday to get brunch. Change your coffee shop, change your brunt spot. I don't really. It doesn't matter how much you loved that place or how amazing it was. Change the memory. Break the pattern. Take yourself out for coffee. Go out with someone else for brunch. Switch the pattern up. One of the biggest mistakes we make is we stay in the same pattern wanting to get rid of something. It is pretty impossible to remove an emotional feeling from a physical place if that physical place matter to you. Both break the patterns. Your brain links routines to them. If you change your routine, you will change the attachment. Too many of us don't change our pattern, don't change our routine and expect to change the attachment. Now, it is true, we kind of want to feel close to it. There's a part of us that secretly even enjoys the fact that that place mattered to us. We still go there. We have some feelings. I get it. But we have to Purge. Day 1 to 5, Day 6 to 10 body reset. Change something physical. Maybe you're going to change a new hairstyle, a fitness routine, a Sleep schedule. We're going back to breaking patterns, but we're breaking patterns of our own. So the first half was breaking patterns from the relationships. Day one to five, you used to message them. You message someone else. Day 6 to 10, you're breaking your own patterns. A new fitness routine, a new sleep schedule, a new hairstyle, whatever it may be that works for you. The reason why we want to break things so quickly and organically as well, of course it has to be things you want to do is because you're shifting and moving. We're not used to change, especially when you're in relationships. When you get into a long term relationship or an invested relationship, routines are at the heart of that relationship. Rituals are at the heart of that relationship. The quicker you shift your rituals and routines, the quicker you change your memories of that relationship. Too many of us stay in the same physical state. We don't do a body reset. We stay in the same place for a long, long time. It's one of the reasons why revenge body, which I'm not encouraging. I encourage you to work out for yourself and your own health. But a reason why that idea makes sense. Because you're getting active, you're shifting something about yourself, but ideally do it for yourself. Day 11 to 15 is a social reset. Reach out to three old friends or make a new connection. By day 11 to 15, you're going to want to text that ex. You might even have been strong up until now. And now you can't bear it. It's not harder than the first five days. It's harder than it felt in those first five days to not message them. You get pulled back into that old habit. So I'm going to give you what I call the five text rule for breaking the urge to reach out. This is called the five text rule. Before you text your ex, send five texts. One to a friend, one to someone you admire, one to a family member, one to yourself. Yep. Literally text yourself and five, one to a new connection. By the end of that, the urge usually passes because you've created five conversations. Now you may message your friend and your friend's not available. So usually you'd message your friend and then you'd go message your ex. Especially if you asked your friend, hey, should I message my ex? Don't make the conversation about your ex. Make it about something else. Message your friend and ask them what they're doing later. What are they doing this weekend? How's their day going? Ask them questions about them. Shift the energy from your problems to helping them Too many of us will reach out to everyone in our life and only talk about our problems. Hey, I really need to talk to you. I'm really struggling with this. Hey, I just need to talk about my ex. Hey, I think I should take them back. Hey, I really want to message them. What should I do? You use the people that are trying to help you to solve the situation about the person who hurt you. Make it about that person. Help them, support them, be there for them, ask them how their day's going. You will get out of your own head. So send a message to a friend and don't make it. Hey, should I text my ex? Second, someone you admire, maybe a professor? It may be a DM to someone online. Whatever it may be, just someone you look up to. And again, make it separate from the conversation. One to a family member. I promise you there's a family member in your life who loves you, who supports you, who's there for you. And you forgot about them during that relationship. You ignored them, you disconnected for them. And you don't need to do that. Send a message to that person. Number four. Send a message to yourself. It's a great place to store your thoughts. Often we try and solve our thoughts in our head. Pretty difficult to do that. It's almost like when you think about it, there's a courtroom and then there's a jury room, right in the courtroom. The jury room listens, but they go to the jury room to make a decision. You need to have a conversation with yourself in text form in the jury room. Your mind's like the courtroom, where you think you have to make the big decisions, where you think you have to solve everything, but that's not true. You need to be able to go to a jewelry room to discuss it, to think about it, to reflect. And the courtroom is just the place you announce the decision. Notice that distinction is huge, right? Often we're just having conversations in our head. Should I stay with them? Should I text them? Should I take them back? What should I do? And you're almost trying to make this big decision in the courtroom. Text yourself. Build a log of how you feel different at different times. How do you really feel about that person? And I'll come back to that point. But what do you really think? What do you really believe? The courtroom, your mind is a place to listen, is a place to absorb. It's there. But the decision is made in the jury room and announced in the courtroom. When you've taken out that personal time to reflect, to introspect. To think you can come back to your mind. And whenever your mind says, let's text them, you go, no, we thought about this. I'm going to text five people first. The five text rule for breaking the urge to reach out is a game changer. One to a friend, one to someone you admire. One to a family friend, one to yourself. And fifth, to a new connection. Could be someone you're networking with, a community member. Obviously, if it's brand new, ideally not someone you're dating. But if you're further down the line, it could be that. And all of a sudden, you've started five conversations. And here's what you learn through this. You start to learn that there is more connection out there than you actually believe. There is more love out there than you actually believe. There is more support out there than you actually believe. Let me say that again. You have to remember that there is more love in your life than you believe. You have more support in your life than you believe. And you have more people rooting for you than you believe. The problem is, you've learned to believe that there's only one person who can love you perfectly. You've learned to believe that there's only one person who knows what you need. You have trained yourself to believe that there's only one person who can satisfy you. And when you text five people, you start recognizing that's just not true. There are so many people who understand you. There are so many people who care about you. There are so many people who value you. And you have to experience it. You can't just remind yourself. You can't just talk yourself through it. You actually have to practice it. And when you get messages back from your friend, someone you admire, a family member, yourself, you're not going to get a text back from. But you now have that jury room, courtroom breakdown. And finally, a person, maybe that you're networking with, a community member, someone you're dating. All of a sudden you realize you always had that value. We have to unlearn this idea that there's only one person who knows how to love you. That there's only one person who knows how to help you. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling, sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with Adaptogens for you. Because we believe in nurturing your body. And with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day. Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola, cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism. 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Even if all you've got is spare change. Sign up now and join the over 13 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $22 billion with Acorns. Plus, Acorns will boost your new account with a $20 bonus investment offer available@acorns.com purpose that's acorns.com purposec to get your $20 bonus investment today. Paid non client endorsement compensation provides incentive to Positively promote Acorns Tier 6 compensation provided investment involves risk Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor View important disclosures@acorns.com purpose Sometimes life can seem challenging and overcoming problems can seem impossible. But when you focus on your problems, it can keep you from seeing the good in your life. One thing that helps me when I need a change in perspective is acknowledging the small wins in life. I encourage my team to pay attention to small wins because it helps them see positive outcomes and the steps that they're achieving on the road to a bigger goal. Use the power of small wins to shift your outlook and you will start to see positive changes. State Farm is also there to help you find personal wins and celebrate the small things in life. The State Farm Personal Price Plan helps you create an affordable price just for you. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the Personal Price Plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. Part of living mindfully is finding joy in the little things. But when it comes to health and wellness, these little things, these discoveries are literally everywhere. I discovered a delight that I'm so excited to share with you. It's Vitacost.com not just because it's a destination that has everything you need for wellness. Supplements, organic food, herbal teas, clean beauty, eco home essentials. It's because if you're looking for trusted advice for inspiration, they have it. Living well isn't just about having the tools, but learning the best way to use them. The Vitacost has thousands of articles from health experts, naturopathic doctors, dietitians and recipes for every lifestyle. Whether you're gluten free vegan keto or just need help with healthy meal plans, Explore the nearly 40,000 healthy essentials@vitacost.com and find the trusted resources you need on Vitacost's blog. The upside to start living your best life now, I've partnered with Vitacost so listeners of on purpose can get 20% off their first order with code J20. Head over to Vitacost.com Jay where you'll find meaningful learning and wellness for everyone. Right now, day 16 to 20 is called the Mind Shift. Notice how we went Body people mind. Right? So we started with the purge. So we kind of blocked out everything we didn't want in. But then we started with the body because it's great to feel shift in the body. Then we went the people around us and now we do the mind. So what we often do with the mind is we just listen to love songs, we watch our favorite romantic movies and guess what? You sit there and you cry and you eat ice cream. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with any of that. That's okay if you want to do that. But when you're ready, this is the 30 days that's going to change it for you. The no love songs, no sad movies, detox. Cut out all breakup music and movies for 30 days. When you're ready to really get over this breakup, right? This 30 days may come three months after you break up. For some of you, it may come immediately after you break up. For some people, it may come six years after you break up. But these 30 days have to happen at some point. Replace them with uplifting, neutral, or empowering content. Start a new book. Listen to a new podcast. Maybe you're listening to this one right now for that reason. Start a new course, a masterclass. Flood your brain with new ideas. It's time to change your mind. Now, why did we go body people mind? Because if you try and do this one first, it's really hard. When you've already shifted your body, you're feeling a new state, right? We all know the feeling when we change something physical because we live in our physical selves, it changes everything for us, right? When you change your hairstyle, you almost are surprised every time you look in the mirror. When you change your workout routine, you're more surprised about the energy you feel. When you change your environment, like the color of a room, you feel different. So we want to change physical states first, then the people around us, then our mind. A lot of us try and do the mind shift first, and it doesn't work, right? It doesn't work. And this works wonders. This mind shift fuels you with so many different ideas. And a good thing you can add to this is something I call the reverse bucket list. Instead of listing things you want to do, list things you never want to do or repeat in a relationship, right? We're used to writing down all the things we want to do before we die. List all the things you never want to do again in a relationship. And use this as a guide when you start dating again. So you don't just heal, but you upgrade. I think this is one of the biggest mistakes we make. People are just trying to get over their ex. We're just trying to move on, but we're not upgrading. And I think when you choose to say, hey, this is what I'm never gonna do again, I'm never gonna fall fast. I'm never just gonna give up my trust. I'm never just gonna hand them, you know, whatever it is that you made mistakes on. And again, you don't want these things to be extreme. You want them to be real. And you may edit them, you may review them, and you may change them over time. But it's great to start with a reverse bucket list. I wanna go back to that idea about a new identity for a second. It's so important that if your Sunday Routine used to involve snuggling up to a movie. Make Sundays your workout and meal prep day. The goal is all about erasing patterns and building new ones. That doesn't mean you'll never go back to that park. It doesn't mean you'll never go back to that restaurant that you loved, right? That's not the point I'm making. The point I'm making is that we need to shift pattern. We need to edit pattern as quickly as possible, right? We have to do that. Another thing that usually happens by this date is there are things you want to say to that person, right? By this point, you've reflected, you've thought about it, and now you're like, wait a minute, there's stuff I want to say to that person that I never got to say. And sometimes it's an excuse to just get back in touch, feel a bit of, you know, interest again. A lot of the time it's just a painful point that you never got closure from them. So what you want to do in this regard is create a private note or text thread where you vent instead of texting them. So you're not texting yourself, you're now texting them, but it's not going to them. You're not pressing send. Every time you feel an emotional wave, type out what you'd say to them, but don't send it, and you can read it back later. See how fast your emotions shift. And this helps you break the illusion that they are the solution to your feelings. You believe that they're the ones to give you closure. This process makes you realize that you're the only person who can give you closure. What this evolves into is something I call the reverse closure letter that you never send. Write a letter from your future healed self to your present self. It could sound like this, I know this hurts now, but trust me, it will all make sense. You'll be grateful for this in the future. This will turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you. And you can read this every time you doubt yourself. I hope that this is helping. I hope it's resonating. I hope it's connecting. I want you to find one or two things in here that really move the needle for you, that really help you. And a few quick ways to think about it is the opposite day technique. If you feel like isolating, make yourself go out. If you feel like crying in bed, make yourself journal. The goal is to retrain your nervous system so that you're not just sinking into emotional Autopilot. The opposite day technique is one of my favorite ways because it shifts you out of your thing. And that's really what we're talking about here. What we're talking about with all of this is how can you quickly shift yourself not to make things better, not to negate your feelings, not to neglect how you feel, but to put yourself in a position of strength, of being able to actually deal with this in a healthy way. Day 21 to Day 25 adventure mode. Do something you've never done before, right? It's fun, it's exciting. Set up a solo date night. Set up an activity night. Whatever you want to do with some friends. Find people that you want to do interesting things with that you've never done before. All of a sudden you realize your life is filled with more adventure than you ever thought. And day 26 to day 30 is reflection. In the reflection phase, I want you to set a 90 day reminder. Mark a date 90 days from today on your calendar. Write down where you want to be emotionally. One new skill, hobby, or milestone you will have accomplished or worked towards. And then in 90 days, you have something to look at. Something to look at how far you've come. Something to look at how far you've broken. And remember when you thought you'd never get over this. Look at you now. Now, healing isn't linear. You'll have moments where you go back and forth, but it will blow your mind how far you've come. You have to set a future date from which you can look back at where you are now. One of my favorite reflections that I've encouraged clients to do in this regard is at one point, when you're ready to call. What I call is visualizing them as a stranger. Imagine running into them ten years from now at a coffee shop. Picture them as just some person. No emotional charge, no judgment, just neutral. It tricks your brain into fast forwarding the healing process and reducing emotional intensity. Now, you can't rush to that, but it's a really great way of realizing that one day right now, there's all these emotions, there's all this pain, there's all this stress, which you're allowed to feel. One day you won't feel it, not in the same intensity at least. And another thing that's really helped me is what I call removing the storyline. Take a brutally honest inventory of the relationship's worst moments. Look at the facts. Did they make you feel insecure? Did you have to shrink yourself and reframe it? You didn't lose them you freed yourself, right? You didn't lose them. You actually became free. And I think to so many of us, that's what we're trying to recognize is that in some way, somewhere deep down, we know, you know, that this is actually going to be good for you. It's just that we're holding so strongly onto the idea. And then if all of that doesn't work, here's my favorite. Change their contact name or delete it. But if you don't change it, save their name as do not text or call. That simple reminder will block you when you're about to do something. Remove the shared Google photo access mute and block on Spotify, Venmo anywhere that it may come up. Because all it is is a trigger. Instagram, TikTok. All it is, is a trigger. And you don't have to be strong enough to not be triggered. I think a lot of us think, well, I'm not weak. I can still see them and not be affected. We are that week. All of us are sent back right down nostalgia lane, memory lane. And that's where we go. Give it a moment. I really hope this helps. I really hope this supports you. Let me know who you shared this with. I really believe that these techniques will help you through a breakup. Thank you for trusting me with your time. Remember, I'm always in your corner and forever rooting for you. Thanks for listening and I really, really can't wait for you to listen to another episode. Hey everyone. If you love that conversation, go and check out my episode with the world's leading therapist, Lori Gottlieb, where she answers the biggest questions that people ask in therapy. When it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak and dating. If you're trying to figure out that space right right now, you won't want to miss this conversation.
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If it's a romantic relationship, hold hands. It's really hard to argue. It actually calms your nervous systems. Just hold hands as you're having the conversation. It's so lovely.
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Love starts with you. Pandora jewelry celebrates your story with designs crafted with care and meaning. From sparkling lab grown diamonds to vibrant enamel and personalized engravings, every piece reflects who you are. Whether it's a charm full of memories or a design that feels like you, Pandora helps you express your unique journey. It's more than jewelry. It's a celebration of you. Shop Pandora today in store or online@pandora.net Every day is a chance to be love. Let Pandora jewelry remind you that love starts with you. Sometimes life can seem hard and tough to navigate. But what may seem like the smallest tasks such as getting out of bed or even brushing your teeth should be celebrated as a win. And State Farm is here to help you celebrate all your wins. The State Farm Personal Price Plan helps you create an affordable price just for you. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state.
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Hi this is Jenny Garth from I Do Part two. Who do you know on Ozempic or Semaglutide right now? Everyone right these game changing Weight loss meds are everywhere and FutureHealth makes it easy to get started. Find out if weight loss meds are right for you in just 3 minutes at tryfh.com try fh.com FutureHealth is not a healthcare services provider. Meds are prescribed at providers discretion. Results may vary. Sponsored by Future Health.