On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Episode: 7 Habits of Highly Confident People and 7 Ways to Build Self Confidence
Date: July 2, 2021
Host: Jay Shetty

Episode Overview

In this solo episode, Jay Shetty dives deep into the topic of confidence—why so many of us desire it, what it really means, and practical steps to build it from the inside out. Drawing from his personal experiences, psychological frameworks, and ancient wisdom, Jay breaks down seven core habits that, when practiced, consistently foster genuine self-confidence. He aims to move beyond the surface advice you often hear and provide actionable habits and reflections that address both the roots and daily manifestations of confidence.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Nature of Confidence

• Jay describes confidence as something everyone seeks, yet often finds fleeting. Contrary to popular belief, true confidence is not about surface appearances or bravado, but is rooted in understanding and inner work.

  “We all seek confidence. We all lack confidence. We all have moments where we feel insecure." — Jay Shetty (04:52)

The 7 Habits of Highly Confident People

1. Processing and Learning from Your Past [05:41]

• Confident people take time to process their upbringing and past experiences, confronting both positive and negative influences instead of hiding or ignoring them.
• Analogy of emotional wounds vs. physical wounds—emotional scars still hurt if unaddressed.
• Exercise: Reflect on what healthy or unhealthy habits your parents gave you, and how you look for things in others that your parents didn’t provide.
• Example: Eminem in "8 Mile" as a metaphor for owning past failures.

  "You can only feel truly confident when you've processed your past, because if you haven't processed your past, you always feel weak.” — Jay Shetty (08:34)

2. Developing a High Value Skill [13:30]

• Real confidence comes not from outward appearance, but from cultivating a skill that you value.
• The journey of learning—the struggle, setbacks, and effort—gives you inner belief.
• Personal anecdote: Jay’s 21 years of public speaking, the confidence is not from certificates but real-life challenges overcome.

  “It's the journey to getting the skill that makes you confident… because you've overcome challenges, you've overcome difficult scenarios to get that skill.” — Jay Shetty (15:30)

3. Knowing a Little about a Lot (Constant Curiosity) [17:15]

• Confidence grows by diversifying knowledge; being able to participate in a range of conversations prevents withdrawal and fuels engagement.
• Tips: Regularly read articles, podcasts, or "need-to-know" newsletters to get bite-sized insights into many topics.

  “Confidence comes from the ability to engage in a conversation...a little bit about a lot of things allows you to engage in way more conversations, which increases your confidence.” — Jay Shetty (18:23)

4. Practicing Compassion—for Yourself and Others [22:53]

• Being gentle when you don’t know the answer, admitting mistakes, and accepting your learning process is crucial.
• True confidence is comfortable with imperfection, both personally and in others.
• When working hard, let it soften, not harden, your heart.

  “Confidence shows that you're okay with being wrong, you're okay with figuring it out, you're okay on taking a journey.” — Jay Shetty (23:15)

5. Responding, Not Reacting [25:35]

• The most confident people speak and act with deliberateness, not haste.
• Responding at the "pace of love" rather than the "pace of pain or pressure" leads to more value in actions and words.
• Exercise: Check your pulse and breath—remind yourself to respond slowly, from a place of love and calm.

  “If you say things less but of more value...That comes from responding, not reacting.” — Jay Shetty (25:57)

6. Knowing Your Motivation (Self-Awareness) [27:43]

• Drawing on the Bhagavad Gita, Jay talks about four levels of motivation: ignorance, passion, goodness, pure goodness.
• Confident people know honestly where they currently are and focus on moving to the next level—no need for fake positivity or skipping steps.
• Don’t expect to leap from anxiety straight to love—focus on the actionable next step.

  “A confident person...just makes sure they place their next foot correctly.” — Jay Shetty (29:47)

7. Planning, Preparing, and Visualizing [32:36]

• Contrary to the myth that confidence means “just winging it”, Jay says confident people actively prepare, visualize, and plan.
• Example: Before officiating a wedding, he didn’t rely on experience alone, but sought to understand the desired energy and meaning from the couple.
• Preparation is about setting your energy and intention, not just memorizing words.

  “A confident person prepares. A confident person plans. And a confident person visualizes.” — Jay Shetty (33:01)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the roots of emotional confidence:
  “When you know how you feel and you know where it comes from, that develops confidence.” — Jay Shetty (12:40)

• On the difference between surface and deep confidence:
  “People think confidence comes from how you dress... but we know plenty of people that have amazing bodies, amazing minds, but don't feel confident.” — Jay Shetty (13:56)

• On self-compassion as confidence:
  “Confidence isn't just someone being perfect—if that even exists. I'm nowhere near perfect.” — Jay Shetty (23:40)

• On intentional planning:
  “You may not need to prepare the words...but you're preparing your energy, your consciousness, and your mindset.” — Jay Shetty (33:11)

Important Timestamps

• [05:41] – Habit 1: Process your past
• [13:30] – Habit 2: Develop a high-value skill
• [17:15] – Habit 3: Learn a little about a lot
• [22:53] – Habit 4: Practice compassion
• [25:35] – Habit 5: Respond, don’t react
• [27:43] – Habit 6: Know your motivation
• [32:36] – Habit 7: Plan, prepare, visualize

Final Thoughts & Call to Action

Jay encourages listeners to identify which of the seven habits resonates most, to consciously practice and reflect on their personal journey, and to understand that everyone has an inner core of confidence that can be accessed and grown with intention.

“I know that inside of you is a confident, incredibly powerful individual, and I want you to tap into that confidence that already exists within you.” — Jay Shetty (33:34)

For further reflection:

• Which habit do you already practice?
• Which one will you focus on next?
• How does your past impact your current self-belief?

Connect: Jay asks followers to share their takeaways on Instagram or leave a review to help the On Purpose community grow.

This summary captures the essence, structure, and actionable wisdom from Jay Shetty’s episode, and is ideal for both new listeners and those seeking a memorable recap.