Addicted to Scrolling? 3 Small Changes to STOP Feeling Drained After Scrolling Social Media

Summary

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Podcast Summary:

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Episode Title: Addicted to Scrolling? 3 Small Changes to STOP Feeling Drained After Scrolling Social Media
Date: December 5, 2025
Host: Jay Shetty

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Episode Overview

In this solo episode, Jay Shetty dives deep into the mechanics, psychology, and impact of social media algorithms, focusing on why we feel addicted to scrolling, how platforms keep us hooked, and the real reasons we feel drained after spending time online. Jay offers illuminating research, personal reflection, and actionable tips—both for individuals and for the tech industry—to regain agency and create healthier online habits.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power and Nature of Algorithms

• Algorithms aren't masterminds, they're mirrors:

  • Algorithms observe every pause, click, like, and share ([03:35]) and make content predictions based on past behavior.
  • They learn and adapt in real-time, shaping your feed day by day.

    “Your feed tomorrow is shaped by what you do today.” (Jay, [04:56])

• Amplification of emotion:

  • Posts with more emotional engagement (especially outrage) are more likely to be recommended widely, which intensifies polarization and negativity.

• Notable Quote:

  “The algorithm isn't a mastermind. It's a machine that asks one question over and over again: What will keep you here the longest?” (Jay, [06:43])

2. How We Get Hooked: The Trap of Social Media

• Design nudges:

  • Infinite scroll and autoplay features (Netflix, TikTok, YouTube) are designed for maximum engagement—making it effortless to lose hours online ([06:56]).
  • Studies confirm that removing autoplay or similar features shortens time spent on platforms.

• Reward Loops:

  • Social platforms reward moral outrage and strong opinions—users receive more attention for extreme views, creating cycles of escalating controversial content ([07:53]).

• Algorithmic Push & Echo Chambers:

  • Neutral searches often morph into exposure to more toxic or extreme content, as shown in multiple studies ([08:38]).
  • Both men and women experience increased insecurity, loneliness, and self-doubt—but in slightly different ways ([09:46]).

3. Our Role in Shaping the Algorithm

• User agency:

  • Our clicks and engagement build the cage:

    “Algorithms don't see truth or lies. They only see clicks from people like us.” (Jay, [10:10])

  • False news spreads much faster and further than true information, largely because we are more likely to click, share, and engage with shocking content ([11:16]).

• We are the bias:

  • Even without algorithms, humans gravitate into echo chambers and amplify the loudest, most polarized voices. (University of Amsterdam study, [12:36]).

• Notable Quote:

  “Maybe it isn’t just the algorithms that warp us. Maybe social media itself is wired against our better nature. Think about it like a funhouse mirror.” (Jay, [13:23])

4. Human Nature: Why We Compare & Fixate

• Comparison is hardwired:

  • Evolution predisposed us to notice threats (negativity bias) and compare ourselves to others for survival, which social media now magnifies ([14:36]).
  • Outrage becomes “social currency”—belonging is tied to visible emotion and group identity.

• Negativity is sticky:

  • The brain prefers simple, strong emotions; negativity is more engaging and “easier” than nuance or positivity ([15:16]).

5. The Cost: Mental Health and Society

• Doomscrolling:

  • Leads to increased anxiety, cortisol, and a learned sense of helplessness ([15:55]).
  • The incentive structure of platforms is at odds with user wellbeing.

• Responsibility and hope:

  • On structural change, Jay asks, “Will those building the algorithms have a soul?” and draws parallels to Frankenstein’s monster ([16:24]).

6. Three Small (But Powerful) Changes for Social Media Companies

1. Default to chronological feeds:

   • Let users easily opt out of algorithmic sorting to reduce polarization and misinformation ([17:15]).

2. Add friction to sharing:

   • Prompts to “read before retweet,” share limits, and cooling-off periods for viral content.
   • Twitter’s “read before retweet” increased actual reading by 40% ([20:57]).

3. Algorithmic transparency and independent audits:

   • Platforms should open up about how recommendations work and allow independent research, as the EU's Digital Services Act is pushing for.

7. Three Small Changes for Individuals (Jay’s Practical Tips)

1. Curate your feed on purpose:

   “Follow five people you wouldn’t usually follow.” (Jay, [25:48])

2. Engage intentionally:

   “Hover over and comment on five pieces of content you want to see more of.” (Jay, [26:03])

3. Share outside your comfort zone:
   • Share five pieces of content that break your usual patterns.
4. Don’t reach for your phone first thing:

   “It's like letting 100 strangers walk into your bedroom before you've brushed your teeth.” (Jay, [27:09])

5. Celebrate joy and gratitude on social media:
   • React more to positive moments and wins, less to negativity.

• Notable Quote:

  “You're co-creating your algorithm. You're actually coding it.” (Jay, [28:45])

8. Final Reflections & Memorable Stories

• The Buddha story:

  “I don't meditate because of what I gain. I meditate because of what I lose. I lose anger. I lose envy. I lose ego.” (Jay, [21:33])

• On wisdom and agency:

  “Algorithms do not fully decide your fate. They're predictive, not deterministic.” (Jay, [24:18])

• F. Scott Fitzgerald quote:

  “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function... One should see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.” (Jay, [29:10])

• The party metaphor:

  • Social media as a party where comparison and outrage are the loudest rooms, but you can choose to leave ([29:40]).

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:31] — The real function of algorithms and how they exploit our search for validation
• [06:43] — The key question driving algorithms: "What will keep you here the longest?"
• [08:38] — Algorithms pushing users toward more extreme and toxic content
• [11:16] — How false information spreads faster due to user engagement, not just algorithms
• [13:23] — The "funhouse mirror" metaphor for social media's distorting effect
• [15:55] — Effects of doomscrolling on anxiety and agency
• [17:15] — 3 solutions for social media companies
• [21:33] — The Buddha meditation parable on loss, not gain
• [24:18] — Algorithms are predictive, not deterministic—how to reclaim agency
• [25:38] — Jay demonstrates live how you can “train” your For You feed in minutes
• [27:09] — Why not to check your phone first thing in the morning
• [29:10] — F. Scott Fitzgerald’s resilience quote
• [29:40] — Choosing which “party room” you enter on social media

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Conclusion

Jay Shetty’s episode is an insightful, practical guide for anyone feeling overwhelmed by social media. Through research, relatable metaphors, and concrete habit changes, Jay reframes not just how algorithms work—but how we can work with them. He emphasizes there’s reason for hope: with intention and mindful engagement, we can retrain our feeds—and reclaim our peace and agency.

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Memorable Closing Quote:

“You never chose to come to this room. You were invited by the algorithm. That's the cruel genius of social media. It doesn't force us into comparison. It discovers we're already drawn to…” (Jay, [29:45])

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Transcript

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I wanted to start today saying one thing. The algorithm isn't as smart as we think it is. But the deeper I went into my research, the more I realized something unsettling. It's stronger than me, stronger than you, stronger than all of us. Because it knows our weaknesses. But here's what I also found. Even the strongest system has a glitch. The algorithm doesn't just know us, it depends on us. And if we Learn how it feeds. We can decide whether to starve it or steer it. When you Google the words will I ever do? The first thing that comes up is will I ever find love? The second is, will I ever be enough? And the third is will I am net worth? We go from love to worth to money really quickly. But this search for love, worth and belonging is what the algorithm exploits, but not in the way you think. Picture this. It's midnight. Think of a girl named Amelia. Lies in bed, phone in her hand. She posts a photo. Nothing dramatic, just hoping someone notices. The likes trickle in. Her friends comment. She taps on another girl's profile. Prettier, thinner, more followers. She lingers. She clicks, she scrolls. The algorithm pays attention. The next night, her feed feels different. More flawless. Faces, more filters, more diets, more lives that look nothing like hers. Curiosity turns into comparison. Comparison turns into obsession. And soon every scroll feels like it's whispering the same three words. You're not enough. Until one night, she doesn't see herself anymore. She only sees the mirror the algorithm is holding up to her. This isn't just Amelia's story. 56% of girls feel they can't live up to the beauty standards they see on social media. 90% of girls follow at least one social media account that makes them feel less beautiful. But here's the real did the algorithm build that mirror or did she? Was it coded in Silicon Valley or coded in her own clicks? Let's look at the algorithm first. What do algorithms actually do? Number one, they watch every pause, every click, every like, every share, even how long you hover over a video or comment. TikTok tracks watch time down to the second. If you rewatch a clip, it, it's a super strong signal. Number two, they predict. Using your history and the behaviors of millions of people like you, algorithms predict. What are you most likely to engage with next. If people who watch fitness videos also tend to watch diet hacks, you'll probably get diet hacks. Number three, they amplify the posts that get more engagement, especially emotional engagement with are pushed to more people. Number four, they adapt. Every click retrains the system. Your feed tomorrow is shaped by what you do today. YouTube's recommendation engine is called a reinforcement system. It's literally designed to learn from your actions in real time. The most accurate model is a cycle. First of all, we click what feels good, familial or emotionally hot. Two, the algorithm learns and serves us more of that to keep us there. Number three, we become more entrenched and less exposed to alternatives. And number four, outrage and division spread faster because anger is more contagious. In plain words, the algorithm isn't a mastermind. It's a machine that asks one question over and over again.

What will keep you here the longest? It's like a maximum security prison. So how do we get trapped? First, the nudge. Think Netflix Autoplay TikTok Infinite scroll. The design that says don't think, don't choose. Just keep watching. That's how you start a Korean baking show you didn't even know existed and three hours later you're crying over a documentary on penguins. A study found disabling autoplay led to a 17 minute shorter average session showing autoplay measurably extends watch time. It's not a choice disappearing. It's a choice so well hidden you don't realize you never made it. Second, the loop. Yale researchers found when people post moral outrage online, people reward them with likes and retweets. That person now posts even more outrage the next time. It's not the algorithm, it's us. It's real people. As one researcher put it, we don't just consume outrage, we start producing it because outrage performs better than honesty. And third, the push Mozilla's YouTube regrets project from 2020 found that volunteers who started with neutral searches and like fitness or politics, reported being steered toward extremist conspiratorial or misogynistic content. 71% of the videos people regretted watching were never searched for. They were recommended the UCL Kent study from 2024. In a recent algorithmic model study, accounts on TikTok were shown four times more misogynistic content on the for you page within just five days of casual scrolling. What does this do to men and women? Women get more insecure about their appearance. Men get more exposed to misogynistic content. Women experience more anxiety and self doubt. Men become more lonely and disconnected. Women compare their lives to others and feel they're falling behind. Men compare their status to others and feel like they're being left behind. Both end up in the same place on social media, isolated, exhausted and shaped by the same machine. The algorithm will do anything to keep us glued. There is a huge incentive issue for the algorithm because in one study where they chose not to show toxic posts, users spent approximately 9% less time daily, experienced fewer ad impressions and generated fewer ad clicks. The algorithm's goal is not to make us polarized. It's not to make us happy. It's to make us addicted and glued to our screens. It is showing you what people like you are engaging with, assuming you will stay as well. We talked about what the algorithm does. Let's look at what role we play. Our clicks build the cage. False news stories are 70% more likely to be retweeted than true stories are. It also takes true stories about six times as long to reach 1500 people as it does for false stories to reach the same number of people. Algorithms don't see truth or lies. They only see clicks from people like us.

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Number two False news spreads six times faster than true news because shocking content sparks more clicks and shares from us, so the algorithm promotes it further. The content must already have emotional potency. An algorithm won't manufacture depth or resonance from nothing. It can't make it go viral. Number three for major media outlets, each additional negative effect word in a post is is associated with a 5 to 8% increase in shares and retweets from us. And four Facebook studies showed that even when given the opportunity, users clicked links confirming their bias far more often than opposing one. Liberals chose cross cutting news 21% of the time, conservatives 30% of the time. Here's the twist. The algorithm doesn't pick sides. We do. It just learns our choice and builds a fortress around it. The danger isn't that we have no choice, it's that we don't notice when our choices are being shaped for us. So let's do a thought experiment. Why don't we create a social media platform without these incentives, One that doesn't play these games with us? They already tried that. And what I'm about to share with you shocked me the most. A new study out of the University of Amsterdam tested this by creating a stripped down social network. No ads, no recommendation algorithms, no invisible hand pushing content. Researchers released 500 AI chatbots onto the platform, each powered by OpenAI and gave them distinct political and social identities. Then they let them loose across five separate experiments amounting to 10,000 interactions. The bots began to behave exactly like us. They Followed those who thought like them. They reposted the loudest, most extreme voices. They gravitated into echo chambers, not because an algorithm pushed them there, but because that's where they chose to go. It also found that users who posted the most partisan content tended to get the most followers and reposts. Researchers tried interventions, dampening virality, hiding follower counts, even boosting opposing views. But nothing cracked the cycle. The most they managed was a 6% reduction in partisan engagement. In some cases, when they started hiding user bios, the divide actually grew sharper and. And the most extreme posts gained even more traction. The implication is chilling. Maybe it isn't just the algorithms that warp us. Maybe social media itself is wired against our better nature. Think about it like a funhouse mirror. It doesn't simply reflect who we are. It stretches our fears. It magnifies our biases and turns our flaws into a spectacle. As humans, we. We can live consciously or unconsciously. We can choose our stronger selves or our weaker selves. When we choose our weaker self. Humans are not just curious. We're programmed to measure ourselves against others. Comparison is our oldest survival instinct. Envy is the emotional fuel. The algorithm didn't invent it, but it does exploit it when we're tired, overwhelmed, and exhausted. Humans are not ruled by curiosity. We're ruled by comparison. And envy is the price of admission. The algorithm didn't create envy. It just turned it into an economy. Now, why do we do this? The first is negativity bias. Evolution tuned us to notice threats more than opportunities. Missing a berry was fine. Missing a snake was fatal.

Outrage is social currency. Expressing outrage signals loyalty to your group. It tells others, I'm one of us. And in polarized contexts, this isn't just emotion. It's identity signaling. Clicking rage is clicking. Belonging number three. Cognitive efficiency. Negative content is often, this is bad. They're wrong. We're threatened. The brain prefers cognitive ease over nuance. Complex, balanced content demands more effort. Negativity feels immediate, digestible, and actionable. So what do we do about this? Doom Scrolling increases cortisol, anxiety and learned helplessness. In that state, people feel like they have no agency, which can reinforce the sense of doom. So we have an incentive issue for the platforms because they're just trying to keep us glued and we have a lack of mental resilience for us. Put those both together. That's what we're experiencing right now. So what do we do about the incentive issue? People often ask me if I think AI will ever have a soul. And my response is, I don't know if AI will ever have a soul. I just hope the people building AI have a soul. The people who created these algorithms will lose millions or billions if they adjusted the algorithm. Will they do that? Will they recognize or think they have a responsibility? It's a really interesting thing to think about because it's almost like we're making something that is becoming us. It's almost like Frankenstein, that idea that whatever system we build has a part of us in it. If you build a company, it has a part of you in it. There's an energetic exchange as well. So what does that feel like when you're building a platform that millions and billions of people use? The truth is we can't afford to just diagnose the problem. And I get get intrigued by that sometimes when people just want to diagnose the problem. But we need to find solutions. And here are three changes social media companies could try the first is Platforms should offer chronological feeds by default, not buried in settings, and give users transparent control to toggle between chronological and algorithmic. Facebook's own studies show chronological feeds reduce political polarization and misinformation exposure, though engagement does drop. The second thing they can do is actually probably my favorite add friction before sharing. For example, read before retweet prompts. Share limits cooling off periods on viral posts Imagine you couldn't share something until you had read it in full. Imagine you couldn't share something until you'd watch that video in full.

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Twitter's 2020 read before retweet experiment led to a 40% increase in people opening articles before sharing. WhatsApp's forwarding limits dramatically slowed misinformation. In India, this could actually make a difference between because not only are we misinforming others, we're under informed ourselves. If you're retweeting something just based on the headline and have no idea what's inside of it, we're now propelling ideas that we don't fully grasp and understand. And number three require algorithmic transparency and independent audits. Companies must publish how recommendation systems prioritize content and allow external researchers to study the impacts. The EU's Digital Services act is already moving this way, requiring large platforms to open their algorithms to scrutiny. Now what do we do about the human nature issue? I want to share with you one of my favorite stories. A student once asked the Buddha, what do you gain from meditation? He said, nothing. The student asked, then why do you meditate if you gain nothing? The Buddha replied, I don't meditate because of what I gain. I meditate because of what I lose. I lose anger. I lose envy. I lose ego. If the algorithm is made of us, then changing it doesn't start with code, it starts with with character. We have to remember that we are wired for generosity, but educated for greed. When will we finally start teaching emotional mastery in schools? How long before we start teaching critical thinking at an early age? Maybe the real test isn't to build a happier network, it's to build happier users. We built a machine to know us and it became us. When we started on purpose, there were only three things that went viral. Cats and dogs. Sorry to put them in the same group. Babies and people taking their clothes off. I had the innocent intention, the naive vision of making wisdom go viral. Today we do over 500 million views across platforms and every month. Not playing into rage bait, not trying to get people to be angry. What does it show me? It shows me that people will choose healthier options if they're available, if it's presented to them in a digestible way. People will choose a salad if they know why it's better for them. And if it's available and has a great dressing. It's our role to not play into the fear and find ways to make love more. More attractive and accessible. It's so easy to sell fear. It's so easy to sell negativity. It's so easy to sell gossip. But the truth is, why sell the things that sell people? Sure, why not provide them with alternatives that are healthy, strengthening, empowering, that give them the tools to make a difference in their life. Here's the good news. Algorithms do not fully decide your fate. They're predictive, not deterministic. They rely on your past clicks. But you can override them by searching, subscribing to diverse sources, and consciously engaging with content outside of your bubble. So I want you to take a look at a new account I started in the for your page. The for your page is pretty simple. It's beautiful imagery. It's introducing me to a couple of scenery, and as I scroll down, you start to see more of what the average person would see. The for you page, as you go deeper, shows you everything from political podcasts, shows me people working out, shows me influencer content. Now I'm going to show you how easy it is to change your for you page. Because this page is so visual. I'm going to do it through finding quotes. And also, you know, I love quotes. So I'm going to go follow some quotes. I'm going to like some quotes, going to like another quote. I'm going to hover over it for a while. This is really important, to actually hover over the quote, to actually read it, to actually be present with it. And now I'm even going to share a quote with a friend who's now going to think they have an issue because I just shared some wisdom with them. When I refresh check out my for your page.

It'S pretty much all quotes. Through three to four simple steps, I transformed my for you page. This is almost a cleansing filtering process that I recommend you do. It's simple. I want you to follow five people you wouldn't usually follow. Agency isn't eliminated. It's Eroded by habit. People who intentionally curate their feeds, limit usage or diversify inputs show significantly less polarization. The second thing I want you to do is hover over and comment on five pieces of content you want to see more of. Your offline life still matters. Real books, real conversations and communities can counteract the digital echo chamber. And number three, I want you to share five pieces of content you wouldn't usually and see how that changes your algorithm. Number four, don't look at your phone first thing in the morning. It's like letting 100 strangers walk into your bedroom before you've brushed your teeth or washed your face. You would never do that in real life. Don't do it online. And five, be present with joy. Celebrate your friends, wins and accomplishments. Stop overreacting to negativity and underreacting to joy. We remember the bad times more than the good times because when we lose, we cry for a month and when we win, we celebrate for a night. Here's what I want you to remember. When you like something, you're telling the algorithm, show me more of this. When you hover over something, you're saying to the algorithm, I pay attention when you show me this. When you comment on something, you're saying, this is really important to me. And when you share it off the platform, you're saying, fill my feed with this. You're co creating your algorithm. You're actually coding it. One of my favorite thoughts comes from F. Scott Fitzgerald. He said the test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind of at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, he said, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them. Otherwise. That second part is so needed right now. That's what our stories need. Accepting that things are tough, things are really hard, and at the same time reminding each other that you can make a change. You can transform your life. You can take accountability, you can take action. You do have agency reminding the world that extraordinary things have always been achieved by a group of ordinary people. I'll leave you with this. Imagine you walk into a party. At first it looks fun, People laughing, music playing, stories being told. But then you notice something strange. Everywhere you turn, someone's doing better than you. Someone richer, someone prettier, someone with more friends, more followers, more success. You walk into another room and this one feels worse. The room is full of arguments. Everyone's shouting, no one's listening. And the louder and angrier someone is, the bigger the crowd. Around them. That's when it hits you. You never chose to come to this room. You were invited by the algorithm. That's the cruel genius of social media. It doesn't force us into comparison. It discovers we're already drawn to doesn't create division. It learns that anger holds our gaze longer than joy. The algorithm didn't create outrage. It turned outrage into entertainment. And here's the question only you can answer when you pick up your phone tonight. Are you walking back into that same party or will you finally leave? Thank you for listening. I hope you've subscribed. Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. And remember, I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting for you. If you love this episode, you will also love my interview with Charles Duhigg on how to hack your brain, change any habit effortlessly and the secret to making better decisions.

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[B]

I'm scared of making the choice because I'm scared of doing the work? Or am I sitting with this because it just doesn't feel right yet?

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