Podcast Summary: "Can People Really Change? 3 Signs Someone Will Change"

On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Host: Jay Shetty
Episode Title: Can People Really Change? 3 Signs Someone Will Change
Release Date: [Insert Date if available]

Introduction

In this enlightening episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty delves into the profound question: "Can people really change?" Drawing from personal experiences, psychological studies, and practical insights, Jay guides listeners through understanding the complexities of personal transformation. Whether you're grappling with someone else's resistance to change or contemplating your own growth journey, this episode offers valuable perspectives and actionable signs to recognize genuine change.

Understanding Change

Jay begins by differentiating between habit formation and deeper, core changes. He highlights that:

• Habit Formation: Takes approximately 66 days on average and involves altering routine behaviors like brushing teeth or getting out of bed. (00:00-02:12)

• Adapting to Change: Requires around 90 days and pertains to adjusting to new circumstances or environments.

• Societal Norms: Shifting entrenched societal behaviors can span 30 years or more.

Notable Quote:
"Change in society can take 30 years or more, but changing a habit takes just about 66 days." — Jay Shetty [04:30]

Jay emphasizes that while habits can be relatively quick to change, transforming fundamental values, attitudes, and behaviors is a more intricate and time-consuming process.

The Reality of Change

Addressing the heart of the episode, Jay asserts that people can change, but the extent and speed vary significantly based on the aspect of their personality or behavior in question. He distinguishes between acknowledgment and accountability:

• Acknowledgment: Simply recognizing a problem. (07:45)

• Accountability: Actively reconciling and taking responsibility for one's actions, including articulating the problems, understanding their origins, and committing to change.

Notable Quote:
"Acknowledgment is recognizing something. Accountability is reconciling something." — Jay Shetty [10:15]

Jay explains that many individuals only acknowledge issues without taking the necessary steps to hold themselves accountable, leading to superficial promises rather than meaningful change.

Signs Someone Will Change

Transitioning from the theoretical, Jay outlines three key signs that indicate a person is genuinely poised to change:

1. Taking Accountability

   • Description: The individual not only recognizes their problematic behavior but also understands its impact and articulates specific steps to address it.

   • Example: Instead of saying, "I know I need to change," they express, "I understand how my actions affect you, and here's how I plan to improve." (12:00-15:30)

   Notable Quote:
   "When you're accountable, you can articulate what the problem is, why it exists, and how you're going to show up in the future." — Jay Shetty [13:20]

2. Commitment to the Process

   • Description: True change requires internal motivation. The person must see the change as beneficial for themselves, not just to appease others.

   • Personal Anecdote: Jay shares his own experience with his partner Radhi, emphasizing the importance of making changes for personal growth rather than external pressure. (17:05-22:00)

   Notable Quote:
   "They will change when they want to change; they will change when they feel a need to change." — Jay Shetty [19:45]

3. Consistency and Persistence

   • Description: Genuine change involves persistent effort over time, including setbacks and oscillations between old and new behaviors.

   • Insight: Change is not linear. Individuals may revert to previous behaviors temporarily but continue to strive towards improvement. (25:10-28:00)

   Notable Quote:
   "Even if someone changes, chances are they're going to oscillate back and forth to their former self until they get there." — Jay Shetty [26:30]

Practical Applications

Jay offers listeners practical strategies to foster and recognize change, both in themselves and others:

• Self-Reflection: Encourage introspection to understand personal motivations for change.

• Empathy and Compassion: Approach others with understanding, recognizing that change is a deeply personal journey.

• Community Support: Surround oneself with a supportive community that values and encourages growth. Jay mentions his partnership with Match to emphasize the role of shared values in relationships. (30:45-33:00)

Notable Quote:
"If you're the only person reminding someone of the positive benefits of change, it's hard for them to change." — Jay Shetty [32:15]

Conclusion

Jay Shetty concludes the episode by reiterating that change must originate from within. While external support and encouragement are beneficial, the ultimate drive to transform lies within the individual. He urges listeners to recognize and respect the pace and nature of others' growth journeys, emphasizing patience and understanding.

Final Takeaway:
"People can change, but they don't change for you or me. They change for themselves." — Jay Shetty [34:00]

Jay encourages listeners to focus on their own growth while supporting others without imposing unrealistic expectations.

Additional Resources Mentioned

• Match Partnership: Emphasizing the importance of shared core values in relationships.
• Match Statistics: "93% of Match members say that shared core values are a crucial indicator of relationship success." (33:30)

Reflection

This episode serves as a profound guide for anyone navigating the challenges of personal change or hoping to inspire it in others. By distinguishing between mere acknowledgment and true accountability, Jay provides a roadmap for recognizing and nurturing authentic transformation. The blend of personal anecdotes, scientific insights, and practical advice makes this episode a valuable resource for fostering healthier, more understanding relationships.

Listen to the full episode here.