Can People Really Change? 3 Signs Someone Will Change

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Can People Really Change? 3 Signs Someone Will Change"

On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Host: Jay Shetty
Episode Title: Can People Really Change? 3 Signs Someone Will Change
Release Date: [Insert Date if available]

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Introduction

In this enlightening episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty delves into the profound question: "Can people really change?" Drawing from personal experiences, psychological studies, and practical insights, Jay guides listeners through understanding the complexities of personal transformation. Whether you're grappling with someone else's resistance to change or contemplating your own growth journey, this episode offers valuable perspectives and actionable signs to recognize genuine change.

Understanding Change

Jay begins by differentiating between habit formation and deeper, core changes. He highlights that:

• Habit Formation: Takes approximately 66 days on average and involves altering routine behaviors like brushing teeth or getting out of bed. (00:00-02:12)

• Adapting to Change: Requires around 90 days and pertains to adjusting to new circumstances or environments.

• Societal Norms: Shifting entrenched societal behaviors can span 30 years or more.

Notable Quote:
"Change in society can take 30 years or more, but changing a habit takes just about 66 days." — Jay Shetty [04:30]

Jay emphasizes that while habits can be relatively quick to change, transforming fundamental values, attitudes, and behaviors is a more intricate and time-consuming process.

The Reality of Change

Addressing the heart of the episode, Jay asserts that people can change, but the extent and speed vary significantly based on the aspect of their personality or behavior in question. He distinguishes between acknowledgment and accountability:

• Acknowledgment: Simply recognizing a problem. (07:45)

• Accountability: Actively reconciling and taking responsibility for one's actions, including articulating the problems, understanding their origins, and committing to change.

Notable Quote:
"Acknowledgment is recognizing something. Accountability is reconciling something." — Jay Shetty [10:15]

Jay explains that many individuals only acknowledge issues without taking the necessary steps to hold themselves accountable, leading to superficial promises rather than meaningful change.

Signs Someone Will Change

Transitioning from the theoretical, Jay outlines three key signs that indicate a person is genuinely poised to change:

1. Taking Accountability

   • Description: The individual not only recognizes their problematic behavior but also understands its impact and articulates specific steps to address it.

   • Example: Instead of saying, "I know I need to change," they express, "I understand how my actions affect you, and here's how I plan to improve." (12:00-15:30)

   Notable Quote:
   "When you're accountable, you can articulate what the problem is, why it exists, and how you're going to show up in the future." — Jay Shetty [13:20]

2. Commitment to the Process

   • Description: True change requires internal motivation. The person must see the change as beneficial for themselves, not just to appease others.

   • Personal Anecdote: Jay shares his own experience with his partner Radhi, emphasizing the importance of making changes for personal growth rather than external pressure. (17:05-22:00)

   Notable Quote:
   "They will change when they want to change; they will change when they feel a need to change." — Jay Shetty [19:45]

3. Consistency and Persistence

   • Description: Genuine change involves persistent effort over time, including setbacks and oscillations between old and new behaviors.

   • Insight: Change is not linear. Individuals may revert to previous behaviors temporarily but continue to strive towards improvement. (25:10-28:00)

   Notable Quote:
   "Even if someone changes, chances are they're going to oscillate back and forth to their former self until they get there." — Jay Shetty [26:30]

Practical Applications

Jay offers listeners practical strategies to foster and recognize change, both in themselves and others:

• Self-Reflection: Encourage introspection to understand personal motivations for change.

• Empathy and Compassion: Approach others with understanding, recognizing that change is a deeply personal journey.

• Community Support: Surround oneself with a supportive community that values and encourages growth. Jay mentions his partnership with Match to emphasize the role of shared values in relationships. (30:45-33:00)

Notable Quote:
"If you're the only person reminding someone of the positive benefits of change, it's hard for them to change." — Jay Shetty [32:15]

Conclusion

Jay Shetty concludes the episode by reiterating that change must originate from within. While external support and encouragement are beneficial, the ultimate drive to transform lies within the individual. He urges listeners to recognize and respect the pace and nature of others' growth journeys, emphasizing patience and understanding.

Final Takeaway:
"People can change, but they don't change for you or me. They change for themselves." — Jay Shetty [34:00]

Jay encourages listeners to focus on their own growth while supporting others without imposing unrealistic expectations.

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Additional Resources Mentioned

• Match Partnership: Emphasizing the importance of shared core values in relationships.
• Match Statistics: "93% of Match members say that shared core values are a crucial indicator of relationship success." (33:30)

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Reflection

This episode serves as a profound guide for anyone navigating the challenges of personal change or hoping to inspire it in others. By distinguishing between mere acknowledgment and true accountability, Jay provides a roadmap for recognizing and nurturing authentic transformation. The blend of personal anecdotes, scientific insights, and practical advice makes this episode a valuable resource for fostering healthier, more understanding relationships.

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Listen to the full episode here.

Transcript

[Jay Shetty]

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[Radhi Shetty]

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[Toyota Representative]

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[Jay Shetty]

Let's go places. Hey everyone, it's Jay. Most people know me as a podcast host, entrepreneur and author. But did you know that I've been writing a newsletter every single week for the last four years?

[Radhi Shetty]

It's called Weekly Wisdom.

[Jay Shetty]

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[Radhi Shetty]

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[Jay Shetty]

Helping my readers find purposeful and spiritual solutions to their everyday problems.

[Radhi Shetty]

My goal here isn't to tell you.

[Jay Shetty]

How to live your life, but to guide you in the direction of your best possible future.

[Radhi Shetty]

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[Jay Shetty]

Sent to your inbox every Thursday, just go to jsheddynewsletter.com to sign up. Now that's jshettynewsletter.com a brand new newsletter comes out every week. I can't wait for you to read it. A lot of us have to Recognize that change is something that has to come from within. They have to feel like this new life will be good for them, but they have to know it in their language, with their reasons. They have to commit to that change. Is someone telling you they're going to change? Or is someone showing you the signs that they're ready to commit to change? The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose. Thank you for trusting me with your time and energy. I don't take it for granted, and I'm so grateful that you've chosen to be with me here today. It's been an incredible few weeks. We've had everyone from Shawn Mendes to Andrew Huberman on the podcast, Nicole Lepera, incredible therapist and thinker, and so many more amazing guests yet to come. I also hope you've been taking a look at my solo podcast, because there have been some workshops that have really resonated with you recently. But I'm guessing you're here today because there's someone in your life that you wish would change. Maybe it's your partner, maybe it's a parent, maybe it's someone in your professional environment at work, maybe it's a sibling. Either way, there's someone in your life that you're wishing, waiting, and wanting for to change. And maybe you've tried already to help them change. Maybe you've pushed them to change. Maybe you even made the mistake of forcing them to change. And you're sitting there right now going, jay, I just don't know if they're ever going to change. Can people change? That's our question for today. That's what you're thinking about, and that's what I'm going to guide you through over the next 30 minutes or so to recognize what is change? What does it look like? Is it possible? If you want to know if that person will ever change this episode for you. If you're struggling with someone because they're not changing, this episode's for you. And if you're someone who's just trying to figure it out, this episode is for you. Now, the first thing I want to do is take a very factual look at change when we look at change in society, change in community, change individually. Studies show that forming a habit can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days, with an average of 66 days to form a habit. But that's not the kind of change you're talking about when we're asking this question. Can people really change? We're talking about something far more core or fundamental. We're talking about values. We're talking about attitudes, behaviors, mindsets, right? Maybe you want someone to change the way they appreciate you. Maybe you want someone to change the way they think about care. Maybe you want someone to change the way they talk to you, communicate with you. Maybe you want to change the way someone behaves with you. Adapting to change, studies show, can take around 90 days. And seeing significant change in society can take 30 years or more. Notice the difference. Changing a habit, average 66 days. Adapting to a change, 90 days. Seeing norms set into society, 30 years. So we've got to look at the person and we've got to empathize and be compassionate and realize, are they trying to change a habit? Are they adapting to a change? Or really is it that we're hoping that they change a norm in their life? Now, I want to give you an answer, in short, that of course people can change, but different parts of them take longer to change. And there are far more aspects that are unchangeable than we believe. And when I say unchangeable, I don't mean that it's impossible or will never happen. I mean that the waiting time may be so long that it may feel like forever. So one interesting study talks about this idea of how it's actually quite hard over time for people to change core personality traits. So people can change their personality, but it's hard to change core personality traits. Like if someone's an extrovert or an introvert, it's hard to change. Someone's not just going to shift from one to the other. If someone's a homebody or wants to travel the world, that's not going to change overnight. If someone is more likely to be open than closed, that is emotionally available, it's not easy for someone who's emotionally disconnected or unavailable to suddenly become available overnight. These are far more core personality traits that are much more difficult to see changes in. Now, one study I looked at talked about how hurtful behaviors such as lying, cheating, dismissing or controlling. And this is from Psych Central, they say are often habits that turn into harmful behavior patterns. And research from 2020 explains personality may be shaped by an interaction between multiple sources, from genes to events and social relationships, rather than only one source. The study goes on to say that personality development isn't linear and change isn't either. So what's really interesting about that is even when people change, we think of change as linear. We think that if someone changes Everything changes. When actually what happens in reality is that even if someone changes, chances are they're going to oscillate back and forth to their former self. So you're going to constantly ask the question, wait a minute, I thought you changed. Wait a minute, I thought you understood. Wait a minute, I thought you got the message. And the truth is, it's more likely that someone's going to oscillate back and forth until they get there. So behavior can be learned and unlearned, but the amount of time it can take, the levels it can go to in order for that to happen, can be very, very hard to go through. Now here's the reality I want to get through to you. You can't change anyone. You can only change yourself. You can't force someone to change. You can't push someone to change. You can't beg someone to change. They will change when they want to change, they will change when they feel a need to change. They will change when they're ready for change, when it impacts them so badly that they're not changing, that's when they'll choose to change. Changing someone else is not within your control. And trying to find ways to do it can be exhausting. So what I'd rather give you is signs that someone is likely to change. Because often what we do is we keep asking the question, can people change? And really it's the wrong question because people can change. But is the person that you're with likely to change? Is the person that you're talking about likely to change? These are the signs that they're likely to change. And that's a healthier, better, smarter question to ask. Because what you're really asking when you ask, can people change is, is my person going to change? Are they going to be different? And there are certain signs that point you in the right direction. The first one is they own up and take accountability and are self aware about not only what change is required, but why the change is required. Sometimes someone will say to you, I know I need to change. I know it isn't right. And we get so happy and elated that they acknowledged it that we take that acknowledgement as accountability. There's a difference, there is a difference between acknowledgement and accountability. Acknowledgement is recognizing something. Accountability is reconciling something. Let me say that again. Acknowledgement is recognizing something. Accountability is reconciling something. When you're accountable, you actually have the ability to articulate, articulate what the problem is, why it exists, and how you're going to show up in the future. You're taking accountability for your actions, your behaviors, and you're able to see the connection between how you act and how it affects the other person. I promise you that most people that you're talking to are simply acknowledging the problem. They're not actually taking accountability. But because we don't know the difference, we assume they're the same thing. Now, assuming they're the same thing isn't a great idea. Because if you assume that they're the same thing, then you think someone's taken accountability. But no, accountability means I know how my actions affected you, I know why my actions affected you. I can articulate it, and I know how my actions affect you. And I know which actions I need to change. And by the way, I know why I need to change them. I know why I am that way. Notice the difference between acknowledgement and accountability. Now, once someone's taken accountability, they have to want to change. They have to have the proper motivation to change. Because just because someone can articulate and take accountability doesn't mean that they feel the need to change. They have to feel that change is necessary. If you look at most humans, we only change when we believe something's necessary, right? If we think something's going to end, we change. If we think something new is going to start, we change, right? We change when it happens. Most people want to get promoted before they change their performance. Not realizing that you get a promotion because you changed your performance. There's a reason why the famous phrase of you don't know what you've got until it's gone. Because we wait till we lose something to know we should have changed. That's how human behavior and the human mind works, is we constantly feel that until something's necessary, until something is required of me, I won't do it. Until I feel the pressure to, I won't do it. What often we do is we try and put that pressure on that person to change. We try and force them to change, but we don't realize that if they change for us, but they don't know why they're changing, they may actually feel regret. I like to think about this through a scenario. If someone changes for you, then that means that they didn't really go through the process within themselves. They haven't really looked at the value. And therefore they may actually be depressed about that change. They may be down about that change. They may not wish that change ever happened to them. I'll give an example. Radhi and me. Radhi always told me that all she wanted to do was live close to her family. And I wanted that for her because I love her family and I know how much she loves them. And then when I got the opportunity, of course, to move across the world to change my career, change my life and do what I get to do today, and Radhi and I were already married and it was a hard change for Radhi. And I said to Radhi that I didn't want her to move for me. I wanted her to do it because she saw value in and she could find it for herself. Now she had to adapt to that change. It was hard for her and I was trying my best to help her with that change. I didn't want her to change and I didn't want her to feel pressured to change because I realized that unless something comes from within, unless something comes from that person, they are never really going to fully commit to it. And that's what's really interesting. Sometimes we're trying to get people to change on the surface, we're trying to get people to change a behavior for us. And we don't realize that when they do that, not only does it not stick when it doesn't come from within, it doesn't feel like it's meaningful to them. So they can't truly get behind that change long term. And they may even feel like it's your fault. They might feel like it's a mistake. They may feel like it was the worst decision they made in the long term. And a lot of us have to recognize that change is something that has to come from within. They have to feel like this new life will be good for them, but they have to know it in their language with their reasons. They have to commit to that change. Is someone telling you they're going to change or is someone showing you the signs that they're ready to commit to change? Okay, I am so excited about this because we've got the first ever merch drop for on purpose. It's finally here. And for World Mental Health. Today, we're doing an exclusive limited edition drop with all the proceeds going to the national alliance on Mental Illness nami. So now you can wear your On Purpose merch, listen to the podcast and know that you two are having an impact. I want to thank you so much in advance. I can't wait to see all of your pictures wearing the merch, their sweatshirts, a hat, T shirts. Check it out on our website. Jshettyshop.com that's jshettyshop.com and remember, 100% of the proceeds go to NAMI. Sometimes life can seem challenging and overcoming problems can seem impossible, but when you focus on your problems, it can keep you from seeing the good in your life. One thing that helps me when I need a change in perspective is acknowledging the small wins in life. I encourage my team to pay attention to small wins because it helps them see positive outcomes and the steps that they're achieving on the road to a bigger goal. Use the power of small wins to shift your outlook and you will start to see positive changes.

[Radhi Shetty]

State Farm is also there to help.

[Jay Shetty]

You find personal wins and celebrate the small things in life. The State Farm Personal Price Plan helps you create an affordable price just for you. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the personal price Plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Radhi Shetty]

Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state.

[Jay Shetty]

Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state.

[Radhi Shetty]

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Take a moment to reflect on someone you're grateful for. Maybe a friend, a mentor, or even your therapist.

[Jay Shetty]

There are people who show up for.

[Radhi Shetty]

Us in big and small ways, and it's important to acknowledge that. But let's not forget to thank ourselves too. Life can be chaotic and some days just getting through is a win. So be kind to yourself. You've overcome so much already. And remember, gratitude can also empower you to grow. Therapy, for example, isn't just for those who have faced major trauma. It helps us build coping skills, set boundaries, and become our best selves. It's about understanding our emotions and learning to show up fully for ourselves. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with the licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Let the gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com jstop3 to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com jstop3 good health starts with taking preventative steps. Using sunscreen, eating healthy and exercising are proactive measures that do as much work to create a healthy lifestyle as they do to prevent health problems and speaking from my daily routine. Adding simple habits like mindful journaling, regular meditation, and prioritizing mental well being has made a real difference. These small yet consistent practices have become my anchor, not just preventing health issues by helping me feel good in my everyday life, being proactive is important for good oral health, too. Preventative actions like choosing the right toothpaste can have a huge impact on oral health. Brushing with Colgate Total Plaque Pro Release strengthens the foundation of a healthy smile and helps prevent oral health problems like gingivitis and cavities before they start. So take charge of your oral health and change your toothpaste to Colgate Total Plaque Pro Release. It lifts away plaque for two times less gum, harming plaque versus regular fluoride toothpaste with twice daily brushing for six months. With Colgate Total Plaque Pro Release, you'll be taking preventative action and well on your way to good oral health and a healthy lifestyle. Be dentist ready and get Colgate Total Plaque pro [e-mail] total.

[Jay Shetty]

A lot of the time people will say the right thing because they're people pleasers. They don't want to lose you. They want to say all the right things to hold on to you. But they haven't committed to that change, right? They haven't put steps into place. They haven't had the awkward, uncomfortable conversations. They haven't stepped up and done the things that are hard for them. Is someone committing to change? And often what we do is we just keep going mad. We keep getting angry at them, saying, I wish you did change. You keep telling me you're going to change, but you don't change. But they're not committing to that action. One of the things I've been saying.

[Radhi Shetty]

To a lot of people I know.

[Jay Shetty]

Recently is don't expect change to happen in one therapy session. What we're often hoping is that lifetimes of work will become clear to someone through a couple of sessions of therapy. What I mean by that is our wiring is so deep. There are values that we've held onto because of our childhood that don't just disappear because someone else presents a better idea. I'll give an example, a silly example. If you've always put your cereal in the bowl before your milk, by the way, that's the normal way. No judgment, right? And you start dating someone who puts milk in before the cereal, you don't just switch to doing that right now. That's a really silly example. It's a really easy change. It doesn't make a difference. But if you think about it, there are things you think about first. Sometimes some of you think about money before you think about people, because that's how you were raised. You're not going to change that overnight because you start dating someone who thinks about people before money, even if it makes logical sense to that person, right? People don't just change their values, their core belief systems overnight just because someone else's sounds good, right? If someone believes, I've been watching, and I'm sure many of you have seen it, monsters. Now, no matter what you believe, just taking this idea of even if someone's parents have done harm to them, have done them wrong, if they love their parents and feel positively towards them because they feel somehow, you know, whether it was they felt guilty, they felt shameful that they had to feel that way, that's how they were raised, they're not suddenly just going to see the light because you made them aware of a few things. Actually, it's very hard for people to admit that their parents have flaws, that there are challenges, that there are, you know, difficulties there. And you see that in the Menendez brothers who struggle to recognize certain challenges. Now, whatever happened in that scenario, you get the point I'm making, that it's not easy to acknowledge things that are so counterintuitive to the way you've been raised, right? If your parents were savers, not spenders, you're not suddenly going to realize that actually spending money meaningfully is better for you. It takes a lot of healing. It takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of unearthing. And so one therapy session, or a couple of therapy sessions or a month of therapy or coaching or whatever it may be, won't make the change. Now, by the way, you're all chipping away, but I think when we want someone to change, we're just hoping, wishing, wanting, waiting, that they're just going to change. Now, signs that someone's changing is they start to course correct. When they say something to you that they realize is their old voice, they call it out. They say, wait a minute, I just realized that was my old voice speaking. They start to recognize how the smallest actions are a representation of their old self. And really that's what it is. You have to think about it as a transformation from an old to new self, right? And if someone's transforming from their old to new self, they will go between their old and new self. Often it's not like you transition once. It's almost like saying, I'm going to quit eating sugar. It's not like you never eat sugar again, right? If you're like, I'm going to be healthy now and work out, it doesn't mean you're never going to miss a workout again. And sometimes we hold people to really crazy high standards. That doesn't make sense, right? We want them to never ever oscillate. We want them to never ever fall back. The other way we know signs of change is are we trying to change? Are we trying to make a difference? Right? Are we willing to change as well? Are we able to do the same work that we're expecting this person to do? Are we willing to do that same work for ourselves and for this relationship? A lot of the time it's really easy to point out where everyone else needs to change, but it's really hard to be conscious of where we need to change. And I think for a lot of us we're trying to mold someone into being more like us. We want them to think like us, we want them to talk like us. Now there may be certain value to that, like you may have some really great skills and you may have some really great attributes, but are you willing to change to some of their better attributes? Are you aware of their better attributes? Are you able to identify their better attributes or have you lost connection with them? There's a lot to be said for community and change. I find that if you're the only person reminding this person of the positive benefits of change, it's hard to change. We often need when we hear that phrase of we are the five people we spend the most time with, it's so true that someone will not change unless the people around them change. I've met so many people over the years who are part of a community who thinks in a very old fashioned way. They're not going to suddenly upgrade to a modern way of thinking. I'll give an example. Like in my Indian community back at home, it's not normal for a husband and wife to travel separately so often. So me and Radhi travel separately a lot. And sometimes I'm at an event and she's not. Sometimes she's at an event and I'm not. And people will always be like, is everything okay? Because in that world, even if you're arguing in the car before you pull up to the wedding event, even if you argue on the way home from the birthday party because you came and left together, it's seen as positive, right? Let me just explain that again. People always ask me and Radhi, is everything okay? Because we often don't show up to the same events together because we're both busy and people would rather argue on the way to a wedding or fight on the way back just to show that they came and left together in order to prove to society that they have a healthy relationship than actually having a healthy relationship. And so the perception in that society is togetherness, that is arriving and leaving together is the sign of a healthy relationship. Now, that perception doesn't change overnight. That's a deep seated belief, as ridiculous as it sounds, that that is what a successful relationship is. And so people live up to that falsehood and people live up to that fake level of quality of a relationship rather than one with good communication and respect and boundaries and permission to be who we are. So that's just not going to change overnight. Like someone's not going to change their view overnight of what's seen as a healthy marriage, as a healthy relationship. And I think this hits very closely to why I partnered up with Match. And what I really found was I wanted to create a space where people could connect based on their values. And this was really, really important to me because I feel that everything I'm saying here is because we don't realize that our core values have such a big impact in terms of long term success. If you ignore core values, you're thinking in the next five months. If you take on core values, you're living in the next five years. And for anyone who's interested and invested in building a long term, long lasting, powerful relationship, this mindset is huge. 93% of match members say that shared core values are a crucial indicator of relationship success. And if I'm completely honest, most people have never even looked at these ideas. Most people have never even had the opportunity, the time, the space, the energy given these thoughts, a moment of thought. Most people have never even had the option to say, okay, well, let me just take a look at this for a second. Like, how do I feel about this? What are my beliefs about this? Most people have never even done that. So when you're in a relationship with someone, you're actually going through the process of making someone aware of the process they need to go through. It's not even like, you know, are you ready to change? Do you know you need to change? It's almost like you've got to start from scratch with yourself and the other person of, like, are we even living the life we want? Do you know what your values are we conscious? So the question isn't, do you know you need to change? You know you're wrong, right? You know, there's parts of you that are just met. Like, that's not the conversation. The conversation is, hey, are we, do we know where this relationship's going? Do we know what choices we've made? Are we aware of what this unfolds? Like, have we talked about our past and how it's affected us? Do we know how our core values and beliefs, what kind of foundation they are? It's almost like rather than criticizing someone for their bad, bad taste in interior design, you're actually talking about like, hey, should we both get educated on the foundations of relationships? Should we both become really aware of where we're going and what's going on? I really want you to reflect on this because sometimes I think we're starting the wrong conversation because we're actually expecting people to be more emotionally mature than anyone in the world has actually had the opportunity to be. And you may be the person in your relationship as to start the healthy conversation that has to start the useful conversation. I really hope that these tips help you in this person you want to change. Remember, they won't change for you, they won't change for me, they won't change for anyone. They'll only change for themselves. And you can't make them change. However, you can open them to the idea of re evaluating their beliefs to become self aware, to understand where their current choices will take them, to help them understand where their current trauma and upbringing will guide them. And you can help them become more aware through self reflection. But you can't tell them it. Force them to it. And if you do, I promise you it won't be the change you're really looking for. So I hope this helps. I hope this serves you. I want you to remember I'm always rooting for you. I'm forever in your corner and I'm so grateful that you trusted me with your time and energy to join me here today. I wish you all the best in your relationships. People can change, but they don't change for me. They don't change for you, they change for themselves. They need to feel accountable, they need to be committed to it. They need time, they need patience. And ultimately you need to realize that there are parts of them that may never change. And that doesn't mean they can't love you and you can't love them and they can't respect you and you can't respect them. Often what we want people to change isn't integral to them loving us. It's just because we want to feel a certain way. Thank you for listening. I'll see you again on the next episode of On Purpose. I appreciate you deeply. Take care.

[Radhi Shetty]

If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion.

[Toyota Representative]

My fears are only going to continue to show me what I'm capable of. The more that I face my fears, the more that I feel I'm gaining, gaining strength, I'm gaining wisdom, and I just want to keep doing that.

[Alicia Keys]

Hey, it's Alicia. When people tell me, wow, you have such beautiful skin, for a second I say, who are you talking to? Because I never did. Key Soul Care is a holistic beauty and skincare line I created working with a leading dermatologist. I'm so proud of these product offerings because they're all about caring for the whole self inside and out. Nourish your skin.

[BetterHelp Representative]

Nurture yourself soul Try clinically proven Skincare from Alicia Keys with 25% off your first purchase at keyssoulcare.com using code GLOW.

[Jay Shetty]

On air hey, come on in.

[American Express Representative]

Small Business Saturday is right around the corner. And so was that shop you've been meaning to check out on November 30th. Support your local community by shopping small on Small Business Saturday. Founded by American Express. Pick up a new outfit, a handmade gift, some vintage vinyl, maybe even some local tea.

[Jay Shetty]

Thanks so much. See you soon.

[American Express Representative]

Shop on small business Saturday, November 30th. That's the powerful backing of American Express.

[BetterHelp Representative]

This podcast is supported by BetterHelp, offering licensed therapists you can connect with via video phone or chat. Here's BetterHelp head of clinical operations, Hes Yu Jo discussing who can benefit from therapy.

[Hes Yu Jo]

I think a lot of people think that you're supposed to be going to therapy once you're like having panic attacks every day. But before you get to that point, I think once you start even noticing that you feel a little bit off and you can't maintain this harmony that you once had in relationships, that could be a sign that maybe you want to go talk to somebody. There's always a benefit in talking to someone because we can all benefit from improved insight about ourselves and who we are and how we behave with other people. So if you're human, that's like a good indicator that you could benefit from talking to somebody.

[BetterHelp Representative]

Find out if therapy is right for you. Visit betterhelp.com today. That's betterhelp.com.