Dr. Rangan Chatterjee (21:41)
Yeah, you said two key words there for me. And these are the two missing words. I think in behavior change, internal struggle, this is really what I'm trying to get across to people. Every single behavior is downstream, usually from something inside you. And we're living in a world where we want to consume more and more information, get more and more knowledge, which is helpful up to a point. Now, I'll come back to that point because I think it's a really important one. I just want to address what you said about it feeling difficult. Out of those three Fs, the most important F is the first one. Why? Because it suddenly Just breaks you out of your repetitive cycle. I feel stressed, I want some ice cream, I go to the freezer, and before I know it, I've had half the tub. That is very, very common. You think that's who you are? It's not who you are, it's who you've become. And you can unbecome it if you start to do that first F. It is simply the knowledge that I can take a pause. There is a gap between the stimulus and the response. When you are repeating your behaviors day to day, when they become habits, whether good habits or unhealthy habits, there's no gap. There's a feeling, there's a stimulus and there's a response. Usually an unhealthy response. In this current climate. Right. For many people. So that first F creates a gap. Now, people will often say, yes, but you know, and then now that I'm aware, so what. What can I do? I'm like, wait a minute. 90% of change in my experience is that first F is understanding, oh, this is why I'm going to it. Sure. It may take you a few weeks, it may take a few months to really work on that relationship and start to tweak it. Because how long did it take you to develop this relationship? Maybe you've been using sugar to manage stress for 20 years. You're not gonna change that in one week in January just cause you wake up thinking, I wanna make this year the best year of my life. You're not going to. It is a process of change. But what people miss, Jay, for me, is that that process where you learn what this behavior is doing for you, you struggle, you sometimes can't make the change that you want. Other times you can. That process is where the gold is. That's when you're learning about yourself. That's when you get the mastery about yourself. Oh, I always, when I have a row with my partner, I don't feel good. So yeah, I want sugar. Or when I'm alone or I'm traveling for work and I'm away from my wife and my kids, that's when I just want to spend three hours on Instagram because I'm looking for connection. That's where the gold lies. And for me, Jay, the most important chapter in this book is chapter one, which is called Trust Yourself. And I don't think we're talking about this enough in the health and wellness space. People are getting confused. Right. You must get this on your show like I do on my podcast. This idea that despite our best Efforts at trying to navigate the complexity. What I often find, Jay, is people will say to me, not often, but it happens enough that I know that this is an issue. Dr. Chachi, you know, two months ago you had this credentialed expert from Harvard and they said, this diet is really good. Like a ketogenic diet is really good for mental health. And they sound really trustworthy. They've got all the credentials and they've quoted four or five research studies to back up what they think. And I thought, okay, amazing. And then last week you spoke to another doctor, also well credentialed, who said, no, a vegan diet or a whole food plant based diet is best for mental health, and presented five studies to support what they have to say. People would contact me and say, Dr. Shati, I'm really confused, right? Both of those experts, they sound great. They've all got research to back up what they're saying. I don't know which expert to trust. And Jay, what I've realized is that's the wrong question. The more helpful question, the more powerful question is not which expert should I trust? It's why do I no longer trust myself? That is the magic to behavior change. You have to start tuning into the signals your body is giving you. So using that example, I would say to someone, hey, I tell you what, why do you have to choose which one's right? Maybe they're both right for certain people, but they're not right for anyone, right? So I would say, okay, try this expert's diet for four weeks. And whilst you're trying it, pay attention. Pay attention to what's going on. What's your energy like? What's your vitality? How are your relationships? How's your sleep? How's your focus? How's your concentration? Pay attention. I go, okay, I tried that for four weeks. Now let me try this other person's diet for four weeks. And again, pay attention. I promise if you start paying attention, you will very quickly find out what is the right diet for you at that moment in your life. And I feel that we're not talking about this enough. We're still. We've got to a point, Jay, where we've outsourced our own inner expertise to external experts. I'm not saying ignore external experts, right? You have some great experts on your show each week. I have some great experts on my podcast each week. But you should listen to their advice and put it through your own filter and then you figure out what works for you. And honestly, if you would say, what is the key thing you've learned in 23 years of seeing patients, I've seen tens of thousands of patients. I've learned many things. But I would say no one approach works for everyone. It just doesn't. And when we try and make it work for everyone, it's a problem because people feel like failures. People feel, oh, I'm following the expert's advice. I'm doing what they said to do. It's not working. There must be something wrong with me. They start to feel guilty. They start to feel like they're a loser. They start to have shame. Those things never lead to long term behavior change. And you know the other thing, Jay, I've learned, and I love your view on this because I think it probably resonates with the way you see the world. I think we focus too much on the behavior. For me, it's the energy behind the behavior that's the most important thing. You need to go, what's behind the behavior? And I've realized that in life, all behaviors either come from the energy of love or the energy of fear. If it's coming from the energy of fear, so guilt, shame, I'm not good enough. Those changes will not last in the long term. I've been doing this a long time. I have seen it. It lasts for January, it lasts for a few months. It doesn't lead to long term transformation because your behaviors are in conflicts with the way that you see yourself. If it's coming from an energy of love, that I like who I am, I want to improve my life, that I'm going to be compassionate to myself, those changes, it can be the same behaviors. Working out, eating well, going to bed on time, getting eight hours sleep, whatever it might be, it can be the same behavior. But if the energy behind it is from the energy of love, that's when the changes start to become long term. And I really get. I don't get frustrated. Nothing frustrates me anymore, really, if I'm completely honest, because I've been doing the inner work for many years, I just, I can stay quite detached from things. I just see them for what they are. But as a doctor, I guess I believe we made behavior change so difficult. Jay. I don't even say it's hard anymore. And I'll tell you why I don't say that. I used to say, you know, I know it can feel hard. I know it's hard as a way of trying to empathize with people. But if we say if we constantly say, oh, it's difficult. Oh, it's going to be hard. We're prejudging the experience for people. Sure, it may feel challenging, but it doesn't always have to. And I've experienced that myself. So five years ago, Jay, I would have a very hard, very harsh inner voice. So on January 1st, I would be very much. I'm going to meditate the chair 20 minutes a day, and I do it for 14 days. And I feel like I'm rocking. Yeah, this is. I've got meditation down this year. Then I'd miss a day. The self talk would start. Man, you couldn't do it. You couldn't do it wrong. And could you? You know, you're a loser. Whatever. I used to have a really harsh, negative voice not that long ago, but I have completely changed it through all the things that I share in this book. Right. I've completely changed it. Back then, behavior change felt difficult because it was in conflict with how I saw myself. Now that I like myself, dare I say, talking to a fellow Brit, that I love myself. Right. Can you imagine in the UK saying that? You know, I do, though not in a narcissistic way, but I like who I am. I think I'm a nice guy. I'm kind, I'm compassionate, I help people. I'm no longer competitive, as I've talked to you about on a previous episode on your show. Like, I just want to raise people up. When you feel like that, and everyone can feel like that if they know which levers to turn, behavior change becomes so much easier because you're not trying to fight yourself. Does that all make sense?