← On Purpose with Jay Shetty
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Emma Grede: #1 Trick Successful People Use Every Day (THIS Will Open Doors You Didn’t Know Existed!)
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- [00:00]
iHeart Radio Announcer
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- [00:04]
Kalpen (Kal Penn) and Ed Helms
Hey audiobook lovers. I'm Kalpen, I'm Ed Helms. Ed and I are inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with our new podcast, Irsay The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Each week we sit down with your favorite iHeart podcast hosts and some very special guests to discuss the latest and greatest audiobooks from audible, listen to Earsay on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Follow Earsay and start listening on the free iHeartradio app today. Limu Emu and Doug Here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.
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Jay Shetty
Uh, Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us?
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Kalpen (Kal Penn) and Ed Helms
Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you need@libertymutual.com Liberty Liberty Liberty Liberty Savings Ferry Unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company Excludes Massachusetts Time.
- [01:05]
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- [02:06]
Jay Shetty
I am so excited to be here tonight at the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium in San Francisco with the one and only Emma Greed. Emma. I could just keep saying your name. It's just like you are. First of all, I want to say you're one of my dear friends. I adore you, I love you. I think you're incredible.
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Emma Grede
Thank you darling.
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Jay Shetty
The fact that you came out here to do this means the absolute world to me. And you heard the excitement and the energy in the room and yeah, honestly.
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Emma Grede
Jay, until not about three hours ago I thought it was 800 people that were here tonight. So I'm in a little bit of shock, to be totally honest. I'm like, what?
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Jay Shetty
I love it. It's definitely, like, thousands and thousands of people. But I want to start with something that we've been talking about this evening, and it's interesting because you were actually talking about it in the clip that we had from the show when you were on the podcast. We find that we spend so much of our times worrying about what people think of us. We are constantly our worst critics. In our mind, we're thinking, oh, does this person think I'm this? Think I'm that? I want you to take us to a time when that was in your head. And what were the kind of things you worried about that people thought of you, and what did you do about it?
- [03:18]
Emma Grede
Well, you know, I think, like so many of us, I spent my entire life worried about that. And I'd be lying if I said there weren't parts of me that still feel like that now. But I honestly got to a certain point in my life where I. I thought, well, if not you, then who? Right. And I really feel like so much of my life has been about trying to prove something. And you get to the point where you're like, I don't really have anything to prove anymore. I wake up every single day and make a decision to do my very best. And who am I doing my best for? Well, for me. Right. I have to meet my own expectations. I have to get to the point where I can lay my head back down on that pillow at night and feel really, really good. And I've just got to the point where I feel that is real for me. But, you know, in my teens, in my 20s, like, you don't feel that way. That's just not your reality. And you spend a lot of time worried about what other people think.
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Jay Shetty
Yeah. And you get stuck. Like, we get so stifled by it, and we get so restricted by it. Do you remember ever, like, missing out on an opportunity or not doing something because you were so worried?
- [04:28]
Emma Grede
I mean, I have lists of things like that. Because you imagine that everybody is watching you. Like, you're watching you. And I think that there were times in my life where I didn't speak. There were times in my life where I didn't put myself forward. There were times in my life where I just not only kept quiet, but I kept out of the conversation. Right. Like, not. Not even in it, not really even putting myself out there. And so, yeah, I feel like that was my reality for a Very, very long time. And I also think that there's part of being certainly a woman, but a younger woman in business where there's this idea that everybody knows better than you. And the older you get, you realize no one knows anything. Every one of us, we're making it up as we go along. And, you know, it's so interesting for me because at this stage of my career, I find myself in the rooms, you know, with the best investors, with people that are doing incredible things, people that are in very, very high level positions, running companies or countries even. And you do get to the point where you go, well, you know what I think, you know, you're not that different from me. And so there is a part of you that goes, you start to feel so more confidence. But and I talk about this all the time, it isn't without some fear. And I do think that taking risks, and again, it's an inherently female thing sometimes to be risk adverse. And we're like that for so many reasons. But when the only reason is for self preservation, you really have to start thinking about what fear is doing negatively to you. And so I've spent a lot of time thinking about how I can park my fear and what else I can use that energy for.
- [06:11]
Jay Shetty
Oh, so good. So good, Emma. I love that. And I want to talk to you about that. Let's dive into that. I was going to say that for later, but I'll dive into it, seeing as you took it there. I remember reading a study that showed that when men see a job description, even if they can only do 40% of it, they'll apply. But when women see a job description, even if they can do 80% of it, they won't apply. And so there's this shift that definitely exists, this confidence, this feeling of trusting yourself, this feeling of, oh, I'm worthy that comes in. Walk me through that experience that you've had since day one of feeling like as a woman, you had to prove more, you had to work harder. What does that actually look like? And what are women out there? I'm sure there's so many people in here who want to be entrepreneurs, have started something but are seeing that. How do you see it? But then live through it and build an empire like you have?
- [07:05]
Emma Grede
Well, let's just be honest about some of that, right? Because it isn't just about women holding themselves back. The barriers are real. They're really real. And so we should all recognize that. And it's one of the reasons that I've built the companies that I have with women at the helm, with women in positions of power, and with women as the decision makers, because we actually make better decisions about who to bring in the company in the first place. And it's true. It's true. You know, if you have a female banker, if you have somebody investing your money that's a woman, she will do better for you. The facts and the figures are out there. So I want to be honest about these things, not just as what happens in our minds as women, but some of them are the societal barriers that truly, truly exist. And I know it because I see it every day in my own company. And just to your point, I'll have a role that I need, a Spanish or a French speaker, and a man will come in with very limited abilities and tell me he's like a pro and completely fluent. And a woman who maybe just needs to brush up a bit, but she's basically fluent is like, oh, I'm not so sure. But again, I think that's about what has been allowed for women. And as soon as we start saying things and doing things that are considered braggadocious, getting out of our space, women face an enormous amount of criticism. And I get this all the time. You know, I was speaking about a subject, and my team are like, like, don't sew the subject. But I had a little thing a couple of weeks ago, and on the same day, a very, very prominent American businessman was having a very, very similar, like, Twitter attack, X attack, whatever you want to call it. And I got so much backlash, and no one said anything to him. In fact, he got millions and millions of likes. So the standards are just very, very different. But instead of shying away from those conversations, what I do is lean into those conversations. Because the very idea that you have to be demure, to be likable, that you have to lean into a certain convention of what it means to be a business, a woman in business. If you do that, and I display that, I'm actually holding women back. So I've just decided, like, I'm not playing that game anymore. I'm gonna do me, be me, and everyone else is gonna have to like it.
- [09:24]
Jay Shetty
It's so important. It's so important. But what I love about what you've done with that is because there's one thing like, when we see injustice, when we see that kind of treatment in the world, we all notice it, and we can talk about it, but then you've been able to get involved, get stuck in. You haven't let that hamper Your growth. And I think that's the mindset that I'm always fascinated by. We all see things happening in the world that we hate, that we don't love, that don't feel fair, but then we still gotta learn to play that game. We still gotta learn to win at that game. And you've done that multiple times. If someone's at the beginning of their journey, there's people in here who have ideas, who have dreams, who have things that they want to start, and they're concerned about whether it's fair, whether there's a meritocracy, whether it's set up for making them fail or succeed. What's the first thing they have to build in their mind, in their heart, in their resolve, or externally that you'd recommend they start with?
- [10:19]
Emma Grede
You know, the first thing I want to say is that it's really important to start with yourself. We can be so concerned about everything that's happening around us. And I think what I did pretty well early in my career was center my decisions around what it is that was important to me. And I never, ever sacrificed my ambition. I was pretty out there and open and honest. And so I think if you want something, you have to go after it. You can't be shy about it. You've got to be very, very honest and open about what it is that you need and what you're looking for all the time. And I do think a lot of us think, you know, we think a lot about what we want, but we don't necessarily make it known. And I speak to about this all the time. Whatever you want and whatever you're thinking about doing in your life, the most important thing is to focus on what you're doing and what you can do right now. Be excellent in whatever it is that you're doing right now. You know, when I worked in a deli and I made the sandwiches and I spoke to you about it before, I was an amazing sandwich maker in the same way that I make amazing jeans now. But whatever it is, I will apply myself in that way. And so I do think there's this idea of what it means to be, like, really, truly excellent at something. And that's how we can propel ourselves into the unimaginable. That's how we get to do new things. That's how people start to recognize us as individuals with skills outside of where we may be seen right now. So that's what I try to focus on. I focus on myself. And again, sounds really selfish, but that's what you have to be sometimes, and it's okay for a period in your life as a means to an end, to get somewhere.
- [12:03]
Jay Shetty
I really appreciate that mindset because I feel like it's a magnetic feeling that someone gives you when you see someone. Just be really good. I remember a few months ago, me and my friends were out for dinner in la, and we were at this restaurant, and the lady who was serving and taking our orders, she was just amazing. Like, she had the recommendations, and this wasn't a fancy place. This was a casual spot on a Sunday. She knew every special. She knew every little thing. She had great recommendations, she had great energy, and literally all three of us were like, so what are you. What job do you want to do? Like, literally everyone wants Everyone. Everyone there.
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Emma Grede
If you want more of that. We all want to attract more of that.
- [12:40]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. And it goes to your exact point that sometimes we think, oh, I hate what I do right now, and I got to find what I love. But actually, if you can be excellent even at what you hate, imagine how good you'll be at what you love doing.
- [12:52]
Emma Grede
Oh, 100%. And I say it all the time because, you know, I think that the three most important words for career acceleration is, I'll do that. I spent my whole life with my hand up going, I'll do that. I'll do that. I'll do that. And it's so important, you know, just again. But it's about putting yourself out there and not imagining that you can't do something or that you won't be chosen for it, or that it's not right for you because you're not doing it yet. So sometimes that little bit of vulnerability, like, really helps us.
- [13:23]
Jay Shetty
Three, two, one.
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iHeart Radio Announcer
All right.
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Jay Shetty
I need it better than that. Three, two, one.
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Emma Grede
I'll do that.
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Jay Shetty
I love that. I'll do that. That's such a great. Yeah. I remember reading a quote from Richard Branson when I was a kid, and he was always like, if you get an opportunity to do something, say yes and then figure out how to do it afterwards.
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Emma Grede
My whole life.
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Jay Shetty
Yeah. And you.
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Emma Grede
That's what I'm doing now, Jay.
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Jay Shetty
Literally. And I think people underestimate that sometimes. That's the pressure that actually gets you to step up. Because if you don't have the opportunity, you keep waiting for it. When I get that chance. When I get that chance, and I love. I'll do that. Because often we think, oh, that's not my thing. I won't do that. I'm not sure about that. I won't do that. I mean, you were saving up to buy fashion magazines as a young girl.
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Emma Grede
That is true.
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Jay Shetty
That blows my mind. Did you ever think you'd be in those fashion magazines or creating the fashion that is in those magazines? You did.
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Emma Grede
I did. I'm gonna sound so arrogant, but yes, I did. I really did.
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Jay Shetty
I love that.
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Emma Grede
Well, you know what?
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Jay Shetty
We love that. Yeah, we love that energy.
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Emma Grede
It's interesting, right, because now we call it manifestation. But I, as a kid, really visualized the life that I wanted. And I remember, you know, because I grew up in the time where Oprah was on the TV every single day. And, you know, she would talk about the ideas of gratitude, she would talk about mindfulness, she would talk about manifestation. I tell you what, the greatest thing that ever happened to me is that I was raised in a place and with a family where there honestly were no limitations ever put on me. And I truly believed it. I really, honestly believed that I could do anything so long as I was willing to put the work in. And so, despite my education, despite where I came from, despite the mountain of excuses that I could have had, I really, truly believed if I applied myself, it would work. And as a mother of four now, I think about that every day. Because my kids don't have the same hunger as I do. They don't want for the same things that I do, but the same token, I want them and need them to find their purpose and their passion and what they're going to be good at. And so I think, again, it all comes back down to how you see yourself and the stories that you tell yourself and how kind we can be to ourselves. Because you've got, like, one big relationship, one big love in your life, and that's you. The person I hear from most is me. I wake up with me in the morning. I go to bed with me at night. I'm chatting to myself the whole day. And I can choose that narrative, right? I can choose to be kind to myself. I can choose to tell me that I can do it, or I can create a really, really negative narrative and really negative pattern. And so I wake up every day and I choose to tell myself that whatever it is, I can probably do it if I apply, if I learn, If I put 100% effort in, if I surround myself with the right people, all of those things. And so I think it's just, like, constantly practice who you want to be. And I just feel like I'm in, like, a forever practice of who it is I want to be.
- [16:27]
Jay Shetty
Yeah, I love that. Yeah, absolutely. Give it up. It's. And it's such good advice, and it's so true. And I feel like with you, you were always certain from an early age what you were passionate about. And fashion became your whole life. Like, you've been obsessed with it since you were a young kid. And I feel like today, either it's because we're exposed to too many things, or there's too many stories of success and all this kind of stuff, I think people are getting. People are struggling to know what they're passionate about. And I'm sure you get this question all the time, Emma, how do I find my passion? How do I know what I'm passionate? Is passion even the right thing to look at? What do you suggest when people are like, emma, I've got all these ideas. I don't know where to start. How should people pick something their lane to focus on becoming excellent at?
- [17:15]
Emma Grede
Oh, you're gonna hate this. Don't look for your passion. Like, don't, don't, don't, don't. It's so difficult because oftentimes the things that we love, I mean, they're not always great, right? I love a glass of red wine. I would have had three before I came on this stage if I was following my passion and what my heart was telling me to do. But it didn't seem right for on purpose. So I think that what you have to do is find what you're good at, find what lights you up. And, you know, often I think about the things that give you energy versus the things that take energy away. You know, when I saw you backstage, I was like, oh, my goodness, you must be exhausted, and you must just want to go straight to sleep. And you said to me, actually, it takes me three hours to get to sleep after these shows because I'm so excited after. And I was like, yeah, because you are living your purpose. You are doing what gives you energy. And so I think you should go around and find what gives you energy and what you are good at, where your natural skills are leaning, and then you figure out your purpose. I don't think you can go around looking for the thing that is going to. You can't look around trying to figure out, like, I am going to have this big purpose because it's so rare that you ever get there. And oftentimes I don't think fashion was a purpose for me. I think I liked really nice things, and I think I needed to find a career that paid me really well so I could Buy those nice things. Right. Like it wasn't kind of true.
- [18:52]
Jay Shetty
No. But the advice to follow what you're good at is brilliant because competence build confidence.
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Emma Grede
Yes.
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Jay Shetty
And I think a lot of us are trying to do it the other way around. We're like, I want to be confident. But you can't be confident if you don't feel competent. And the only time you feel competent is when you do something you're really good at and something you're willing to get really good at.
- [19:09]
Emma Grede
Yes.
- [19:09]
Jay Shetty
Right. It's not like you may not be good at the thing you want to be good at right now, but you're more likely to dedicate time to it if you think, oh, I really want to excel at that. I think one of the biggest challenges I see for a lot of people is if you only focus on passion, which, by the way, I love your advice. If you only follow your passion when things get hard, you then feel not passionate about it. Whereas if you follow what you're good at, you realize whether things are going well or not, you've just got to get better.
- [19:36]
Emma Grede
Listen a million percent. And I love that you talk about focus because I'm obsessed with this idea of true focus. You know, focus is a force multiplier in business. It's a force multiplier in work. When you figure out what you can actually dedicate yourself to and give all of your focus, and you truly do that, whether in your life, in your business, in your relationships, you will find unbelievable unlocks. I don't know anyone who is successful who hasn't been unbelievably, unequivocally focused on something and gone deep and deep and deep and figured more and more things out and then found an unlock. And so I really think about that as something that completely opens up a new world to you. And when you are willing to learn and to go really deep in one place, amazing things start happening. Like they do. It really is like magic.
- [20:29]
Jay Shetty
What distracts us from focus? Like, what is it that's blocking us from becoming that single minded? You reminded me of one of my favorite pieces of wisdom from Bruce Lee. Bruce Lee once said, I'm not scared of the person who's practiced 10,000 kicks once each. I'm scared of the person who's practiced one kick 10,000 times. Right. Like that's the person that's scary. The person who's practiced the same thing over and over again. That laser like focus, that's the scary person.
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Emma Grede
Yes.
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Jay Shetty
The person who's got scattered attention. They're not even in the competition. But why is it that we all end up being those kind of people who are like, okay, I've got to spend time with my family. Got to figure this out. Oh, I've got to do these three things over here. Like, that's what we all fill our life with.
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Emma Grede
Well, because I feel like we're in a culture right now that tells us that you have to do and be so many different things. You know, when I grew up, it's like, you drove a van, you were a carpenter, you worked in a store, you were a chef. Do you know what I mean? You were a thing. And now we all believe that we should be so many different things. And the truth is that it's so rewarding to get good at something. Like, I consider myself. People say to me, emma, how do you do so many things? You have so many businesses? It's like, I do one thing really, really well. I'm an excellent merchant. I understand what people want to buy and how much they're willing to pay for it. And I do that over and over and over and over again, faster. That's it. That's all I do. And it's really important to know and to figure out how you can go deep on something and not spread yourself too thinly. And I think this idea, you know, we as a society, we really believe these stories of, like, you know, overnight success, but it isn't true. Right. It's not a career plan to think like that. And if I'm really, really honest, I have never, ever worked harder in my life than I do today. That's the honest truth. It doesn't get easier when you get more successful. It gets much more difficult. And so I think if that's the life that you're looking for and you want to do great things, you've got to be willing to sacrifice some other stuff and go deep on one thing.
- [22:40]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. And when you do it, it doesn't feel like a sacrifice.
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Emma Grede
No, not at all. Because it's so fulfilling, 100%. It just might feel like, oh, my goodness, there were all of these options that I had. But to me, it's really interesting to think about where your strengths are and find what you're good at and go into that thing.
- [22:57]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. I love the way you articulate your strengths. I remember years ago, and I have no affiliation with this platform, but it's amazing. I remember years ago, I did something called Strengths Finder, and it's this test that asks you all these questions. It's like $50 on the Internet. Internet. You fill it out and it will give you your top 34 strengths.
- [23:15]
Emma Grede
Oh, wow. 34 strengths.
- [23:17]
Jay Shetty
Jay shenanigan. You know, everyone, everyone, everyone has 34 strengths. It ranks them in order. Just.
- [23:21]
Emma Grede
Jay has 34 strengths. We all have three.
- [23:26]
Jay Shetty
No, no, no. The model is 34 strengths. Everyone will get 34, I promise. But it's all about your top five strengths. And what's fascinating to me is when I did that and it's a, it's a thing you've got to take an hour to do properly. Of course, the more self aware you are, the better it is. When I looked at my top five strengths and I imagine if you looked at yours, and I use this when I'm hiring, I use this when I'm meeting people, I use it with clients. When I look at my top five strengths, I knew four of them, but I didn't know the first one.
- [23:54]
Emma Grede
Wow, really?
- [23:56]
Jay Shetty
On that piece of paper? I mean, sorry, on the digital PDF that it sends you back, I was like, I had no idea that that was my top strength. And from that day on, I leaned into that strength.
- [24:07]
Emma Grede
Well, now you've got to tell us what your.
- [24:09]
Jay Shetty
Yeah, I will.
- [24:09]
Emma Grede
What is happening?
- [24:10]
Jay Shetty
So my, my top five. I'll tell the four first before the first one. There's communications in my top five.
- [24:17]
Emma Grede
We agree.
- [24:18]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. Ideation, intellection. So ideations coming up with original ideas and intellections having thoughtful, reflective discussions. And then the fourth one, ideation, intellection. What I say, communication. And there's one more in there, I can't remember. And the top one, number one was strategy.
- [24:38]
Emma Grede
Strategy.
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Jay Shetty
Yeah, it was my number one skill. And I never knew that. Like I wasn't conscious of that. And the moment I became conscious of the fact that I'm extremely strategic, it shifted my entire world. Everything. It shifted everything. And I would encourage, like I said, I have no affiliation with the company. I highly recommend you do it because you might look at those and go, wait a minute, like when you articulated your strength, you were so clear, you're like, this is what I'm good at. And when you're able to do that, it fills you with confidence, it fills you with competence. And all of a sudden you realize your life's been going wrong.
- [25:10]
Emma Grede
Yeah. Not only that, you realize what you need around you. Because my whole thing is that none of us are successful alone. Right. I arrived here tonight with like a smuttering of people with me. Right. Because you don't just wake up and turn up like that. Sadly, I don't it took a lot to roll me out here tonight. But I do think it's kind of interesting because I think about my own strengths. Like, I have an unbelievable ability to focus. Like that is something that I'm very, very good at. I am as resilient as a person gets. Like, it takes a lot to get to me and I can take a lot of knockbacks and I can take a lot of bad news and I have a work ethic like you wouldn't believe. Like, it's just I can work and work and go and go and go and I've needed those three things. But there's an enormous amount of things that I'm about talking just horrendous, like not just a little bit bad, like really bad. I am super impatient. Like I have no patience and so I have to surround myself with people that have the things that I don't have. And I think that it's again so important to understand like who you are, not like where are your weaknesses? What are you not good at? And again, we always go around going, you know, what do I need? Who am I? Like me, me, me, me, me. And it's like it's so important in your life to yourself, with friends, with business partners, with colleagues that have all the things that you don't have. And I think that that is one of the reasons I've been really successful. I surround myself with the right people constantly.
- [26:57]
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- [27:58]
iHeart Radio Announcer
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- [29:06]
Jay Shetty
As I'm listening to you, I'm just thinking about how this self awareness principle for everyone sitting here is so powerful and, and we're so told in society to get better at what we're bad at. And I remember, and this is real for me, when I became a consultant after I left the monastery, finally got a job. I was lucky to get a job. I was rejected by 40 companies before I got it. And when I finally got that job, they were telling me, you've gotta be good at Excel, you've gotta be good at PowerPoint, you've gotta be good at this, you've gotta be good at this. And it was like a suite of things you had to be good at. And I was like, I do not want to be good at Microsoft Excel. I still don't even want to be good. I still don't know how to do a vlookup. Right. For any of you geeks out there.
- [29:50]
Emma Grede
This is the wrong town to admit that, let me tell you. They're like so passed out here.
- [29:55]
Jay Shetty
I know.
- [29:56]
Emma Grede
They're like, oh, Jay, bro, seriously, we're like AI ing over here.
- [30:00]
Jay Shetty
Yeah, but it's that kind of idea of like you're so. You're drawn, you're told to get good at things that aren't your thing and you constantly are wasting all this time and energy, focus, talking about focus. You've got a finite amount of focus and if you're spending it it on all the things you're not that great at, maybe you'll get average at those. But if you put it in the things, as Emma's saying, and the things you're good at, you could become phenomenal at those. And that's what we need to encourage people to do.
- [30:26]
Emma Grede
Yes, it's really true.
- [30:27]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. Emma, I wanted to ask you. You have four adorable children.
- [30:31]
Emma Grede
Adorable.
- [30:33]
Jay Shetty
Like the cutest, like truly the cutest. You post about them all the time as well. You have an amazing husband as well, who I love, Jens. Like, what a great man.
- [30:40]
Emma Grede
Lucky guy.
- [30:41]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. And it's just beautiful to see what you've been able to create. And what did you say?
- [30:45]
Emma Grede
I said I'm a lucky girl.
- [30:48]
Jay Shetty
He's a lucky girl.
- [30:49]
Emma Grede
I think so too.
- [30:52]
Jay Shetty
And when I look at. I was wondering if we asked your kids, what does mum do? How would they explain it?
- [30:58]
Emma Grede
Oh my goodness. So my kids, like, this is like a big graduation week for everybody, right? So I have an 11 year old, an 8 and twin 3 year olds. And the 3 year olds had like one of those projects where it was like, you know, what's your mom's name, your dad's name? Da da da da. And my kid said, our mom goes to work all the time. And I was like, you know, it's one of those things. I'm like, what are you gonna do? You know? And there was a part of me that I was like, do I feel shame about that? Am I comfortable with that? But you know, I've really made it a point to tell my kids how much I love work because I felt that with my first two, I was constantly in some cycle of apologies. I'm sorry that I'm leaving, I'm sorry that I'm going to New York. I'm sorry that I'll be back late tonight. And what I realized is that I created a narrative that I didn't really like what I was doing. And I had this conversation with my daughter as I was going to New York like, you know, a few months ago. And she said, I'm so sorry you've got to go on this trip. And I said, lo, when I go to New York, I have an amazing time. I sleep diagonally, I go out with my friends, I drink too much wine, like I have the best time. And she said to me, oh, okay, have an amazing time. I'll see you in three days. And I thought, wow, I did that. So I'm working really hard to let my kids know. Yeah, like I'm not the mom that is at every drop off. I'm not the mom that is volunteering at the school. But guess what? There are all of these other amazing things that I do that I enjoy. And I'm not trying to make you guys feel guilty about it. I'm not trying to play Armada. These are things that I really love and enjoy. And I kind of feel like my kids. Kids are cool with it because they've been raised like that and they know that they can go after their dreams unashamedly. And I feel like if we start to shift that narrative with our children, it will make everything so much easier. Because nobody wants mum guilt, nobody wants any parental guilt. And we all know it's there, but we don't need that.
- [32:58]
Jay Shetty
Yeah, it's, you know, I can only speak about it from being a son to a mom that I love. And I've told you this before, like, my mom was the breadwinner of the house. She'd wake up in the morning, make me and my sister lunch to take with us to school, make us breakfast. She'd drop us to school, go to work. We'd get picked up by a nanny from school. We'd wait there for a couple of hours and my mom would come back from work, pick us up, make us dinner, help us with our homework, and then go back to work in the evening. And I really believe that my work ethic is because of watching my mom work.
- [33:35]
Emma Grede
Yes.
- [33:35]
Jay Shetty
And here's the interesting thing. I didn't have a lot of time with my mom growing up, but I never felt unloved. And I've started to realize that time doesn't equal love. But that's what we've all convinced ourselves. We're like, if I'm there for you all the time, then that means I love you. And actually that's not the case. Because if I'm there all the time but I'm not happy, I'm not really present, I'm on my phone, I'm distracted, I'm over entertaining you. You don't get time to be bored, you don't get time to be disconnected. Time doesn't equal love. And I feel like today we put a lot of pressure on parents to have to be everything at home and perform at work and be amazing partners. When I look around, it's really hard on my friends that I see having that pressure to be a perfect parent, a perfect professional, a perfect partner, a perfect everything. Whereas it wasn't like that.
- [34:24]
Emma Grede
But we also have to figure out where does that pressure come from, Right? Because oftentimes it's coming from some outside source or we're putting it on ourselves. And I did an exercise for myself when I first had grace. So like 11 years ago, and I wrote down what was important to me. Because you know what, there are certain non negotiables. Like if my Kid's in a play if they're, you know, like, we had a big graduation thing today. Like, I am there, but I don't know that I think it's important to make, like, Instagramable lunchboxes. Like, that's not something I need to do, you know, and so I don't think do that. But, you know, it's like, it's. So it's really important to figure out, like, are these my standards or are these somebody else's standards and what are my non negotiables? And so I feel like once you get there, everything suddenly falls into place and that's the important thing, like, in all parts of our life. Like, where are my standards? Where are the places that I feel that I will absolutely not be happy if these things are happening in my life? Where are the places that I feel like I would be making a sacrifice versus what is everybody el thinking of me? What did I see that I feel like I need to be keeping up with? What do the school tell me, you know, I need to do? Because half the time, if, you know, if you can level with things in your own life, like, you'll be okay. So I think it's really important. And I constantly have those conversations with myself because life, you're in this constant change mode, hopefully, right? Like, what worked for my kids when they were 5 doesn't work for them at 11. And so I try to reassess constantly, like, how do I really feel about these things? And I write it down. I'm like, it's really important for me to have a girls trip once a year. And I do that every single year without fail. Like, I don't, like, I don't negotiate. I don't say to my husband, oh, I can't, like, can't figure out the dates. It's like, it is happening. That is one of the things that makes me happy because those connections, those relationships are something that I find absolutely precious. And so I just have a bunch of things that I feel are non negotiable in my life, but they're mine. It's my list. I own it. It doesn't belong to anyone else, and it doesn't come from anywhere else. And the rest I just say, like, I'm not doing it.
- [36:42]
Jay Shetty
So good. So good. Honestly, like, I love the standard piece because maybe someone's standard is to make Instagrammable lunches. Yes, that's beautiful.
- [36:51]
Emma Grede
Good for them. I love watching those videos. I watch the video, I just don't want to make the lunch.
- [36:56]
Jay Shetty
And that's what's so beautiful. And that's, that's kind of where we're struggling, I feel, where we're making someone else's standards, our standards, as you said. And that's where everything goes wrong, you know. And again, I want to go back to a point you made earlier about this. Women get this, asked this question, especially as CEOs, especially as business builders, far more disproportionately than men, to be honest. I don't think men even get asked this. And so when I'm asking this, I'm asking it self aware and want to make that point that women always get asked, how do you balance it all? Right, which men don't get asked? Like, if I'm sitting with a male CEO, no one goes, hey, wait a minute. How do you balance it all?
- [37:31]
Emma Grede
Yeah. Yo, Elon, how's the balance going with your 17 kids? Like.
- [37:38]
Jay Shetty
But. And so I ask it for that reaction, right? And, and, and you get asked then all the rest of it and then, and then how have you been able to. And this is true for me too. And I think about it, but you've done it with. You do have. Beautiful. We were just literally, when I saw you this Today, you were FaceTiming your daughter and she was building a crown.
- [38:05]
Emma Grede
She'd made a magna tile.
- [38:07]
Jay Shetty
Yeah, it was beautiful.
- [38:08]
Emma Grede
She was so happy with it.
- [38:09]
Jay Shetty
So happy with it. It was beautiful. And we were talking to her and then Jens, your husband, who I know too, and he's like having dinner while you're getting ready and you're chatting and it's so beautiful to see, right? And like you're finding time for all of these really important relationships, even though you've been so kind to come out and help me out with this. And so when I see that happening, I'm like, what does it take? What does it take to be the powerhouse CEO? To be a present wife, to be a connected mom? Like, what is that taking? And I know you, I know you don't believe in perfection.
- [38:40]
Emma Grede
I don't.
- [38:41]
Jay Shetty
What is that? What is it take?
- [38:43]
Emma Grede
So at the risk of sounding and saying things that I've said a lot, I do talk about the ideas of trade offs all the time. I talk about the idea of an unbelievable amount of help. But I think the most important thing to talk about in the context of where we are today is really thinking about ourselves. Really thinking about ourselves. Because if the standard. And if people look at me and think, think, well, you know, her hair's done and the husband's Nice. And the kids look perfect and that house is good and she's running all these companies. You would have missed the entire point of me because what I do well is what works for me. That's what works for me. And I think that if we think for one second that we have to emulate and we have to take pieces of everybody's life, like that's where we start to go wrong. So for me I have, I have nannies, I have other people that do things in the house. I have like so much help. But I've never had a problem my whole life in asking for help. It's something that I do all the time. If I have a problem in my business, I call a competitor. If I can't figure something out, like I'm on the phone trying to work it through and that becomes a pattern in your life, like asking for help, not comparing yourself. And so what I say to not just women, to everyone who's trying to figure out how to do all this is work it out for yourself. Don't let the standards of what you see around you impede on how you feel. Because the idea that anyone's got it all down is just fake. And I don't. That's the truth every single day. If you see me here, it means that my kids didn't have me at dinner tonight. If you see me here right now, it means that I'm giving something else. And so my life is this series of trade offs. It is this series of I'm doing one thing, but I made this decision today cause I was like, I want to go to Jace Chetty and talk to all the people and that's fine. I don't feel bad about that. I'm not going to torture myself about it. But I think that we have to really look into ourselves and decide what's right for us and stop trying to chase this idea of balance and also stop, you know, I just stopped lying about it. I started to say this is really hard. I really have to make difficult choices. And when I made choices that were seemingly selfish or about me, I stopped hiding them because I thought that was doing a disservice to other women. So when I'm out, I'm gonna say I'm out. When I'm not with my kids, I'm gonna say I'm not with my kids. When I say I only do school drop off twice a week, that's on a good week week. So I'm just going to stop lying and everyone else can follow suit.
- [41:40]
Jay Shetty
You're changing the game. Like, you actually changed the game. And that's why I was so excited, by the way. I was so excited because literally just a couple of weeks ago, Emma launched her own podcast, Aspire, with Emma Greed. And I want everyone in here to go on their Spotify or their Apple app or whatever app you use when you leave tonight. And I want you to go subscribe to Aspire by Emma Greed.
- [42:03]
Emma Grede
You're so lovely if you're not already.
- [42:04]
Jay Shetty
I mean, it's because I really feel like your voice in this space is so refreshing. It's so revolutionary. It's totally redefining what women can think about, of what's possible, what's expected of them, what's perfect, what's not, what's real. And I feel like you just being real and honest. Honest is genuinely what's needed in this space. I don't know anyone else who's doing it. And it's so. It's something I love about you. I'm in all of you, and I admire it so, so deeply. I mean it.
- [42:34]
Emma Grede
Oh, I love it. And so, thanks, Jay. I'll pay you later.
- [42:38]
Jay Shetty
I mean it.
- [42:39]
Emma Grede
I love you. But I have to tell everyone that on my first day of filming, I filmed with Jay and I wanted to die. I was like, why are you the first person that I'm filming with? You know, you were because. And I tell you because this is. And it speaks so much to who you are. You know, I thought about my dream guests. I was like, who do I want to talk to? And so I text Jay, and I thought, you know what? He'll want to see the show, and he'll watch a couple of episodes, and maybe if I'm super lucky, in like, six or nine months, he'll come on the pod. But of course, you were like, yeah, when should I come? And I was like, oh, shit, I can't believe it. So you were the first person, which was so crazy. But, you know, I'm really happy to be doing this thing because I've spent my entire career. Career building businesses. And after a while, you start to realize that as much as the solution you are, you're also part of the problem, right? You're part of the problem of what people look to and see sometimes as unattainable. And so what I wanted to do with this podcast was A, start telling the truth. B, to really talk about, like, what it takes, because I feel like there's so much toxic positivity out there, and it's totally unhelpful for all of us. So I was like, I'm going to tell the truth. Truth. I'm gonna, you know, be me from East London, which means I really tell the truth. And, you know, I'm gonna get the people that I have worked so hard to get to know, because they will come on and they will speak to me in a way that perhaps they wouldn't to somebody else. And it's been amazing because I really look at, you know, we're all, in some way, trying to build the life of our dreams. We're all trying to live out this idea of what we find aspiring, but it's different for different people and we. Different opportunities. And the more I would go around this country, I get constantly stopped by people that would say to me, I've got two kids and I'm like, 35, and I just want to change, and could you give me some advice? And I thought, wouldn't it be amazing if you could figure out how you could scale mentorship? And so for me, the idea was just that simple. Just have conversations, be really honest, talk to the people that I aspire to the most, and give people the tools so that they can make and build the life of their dreams. And it's honestly been, like, the biggest privilege because I feel like when you come at something with a really good intention, like, unbelievable things happen. And it's only been. I don't know, it's been like a couple of months of filming, but I feel like it's been pretty magical, and people are doing exactly that. They're coming there, they're telling the truth, and it's actually helping people.
- [45:15]
Jay Shetty
What more do you need? I love it. I love it. All right. Actually, I want to take you up on that. I want to take you up on that, Emma. I'm going to give someone a really special opportunity today, and therefore, I want you to really honor it. If you raise your hand, I want it to be because you have something really valuable and something really thought through and something really mature in your idea, because I believe it's such a special opportunity. Tonight's been all about about doing things, not caring about what people think. To take your moment, to make sure that you don't miss out, to say, I'll do that. As Emma taught us earlier, I want to give someone the opportunity in a moment to come up here and have 60 seconds to elevate a pitch their idea to the one and only Emma Green. So if anyone has a business idea, a dream for a business idea, a company, company, AI whatever, It is. I want you to raise your hand. I'm taking a look around. Raise your hand. Raise your hand. I'm seeing a lot of people. This is great. I'm looking up there, up the top. I see the light as well. I see the light as well. Let me go. Let me go do it. I'm gonna come out and talk to.
- [46:26]
Emma Grede
Oh, my God. He's a Roman reporter.
- [46:27]
Jay Shetty
That's a little one. So I'm gonna get up in the audience. Give it up. Okay, everyone.
- [46:34]
iHeart Radio Announcer
Well done.
- [46:35]
Emma Grede
I love it. It so nice to meet you.
- [46:38]
iHeart Radio Announcer
Hello.
- [46:38]
Emma Grede
Congratulations. Well done for standing. I chose you because you stood up.
- [46:42]
Kate Wood
Very excited.
- [46:43]
Jay Shetty
Kate, I'm going to ask you to come over here on our spot. This is for you.
- [46:48]
Emma Grede
Thank you.
- [46:49]
Jay Shetty
We're going to give you 60 seconds to share your elevator pitch to the one and only Emma Reed and the audience, of course.
- [46:57]
Kate Wood
Hello, my name is Kate Wood. I'm from Redding, California. In 2020, I had twins as well. About eight months later, I opened my first restaurant. About six weeks ago, I opened my second restaurant. But I've always had this. I've always had this dream to have a YouTube show and take it to the Food Network. My dream is to start a show called Stage and where you can either take celebrities or other people, influencers, and each season would be that person and you put them in different spaces for an episode. So each episode would have an adventure challenge. It would have like a high end challenge and it would also have something really like heartwarming. All in the food industry, we expose. You can expose meat packaging places, you could go into prisons, you could go to high end Michelin star restaurants. But each episode, that celebrity or that person would be a stage. And you'd have to take on those challenges. You'd have to step into that risk. You would have to expose different parts of this industry. And it's sort of this meeting between triple D and Dirty Jobs, but all in the food industry because it's such a huge industry that I love so much and it takes so much every day for us to make this happen. And we all just love creating food and feeding people. And so I just thought it'd be a really lovely TV show idea and I would have to take that first step to be a stage. And so that's my idea. Anyway.
- [48:38]
Jay Shetty
Good applique, everyone. Thank you.
- [48:43]
Emma Grede
That's amazing. Emma, over to you.
- [48:45]
Jay Shetty
Insight advice.
- [48:46]
Emma Grede
Here we go. Ready, Advice. So the first thing I want to say is I love that you stood because you were the first person that I saw and that's why I was like, I'm going for you there, because you just stood up. So the idea that you would even put yourself out there in that way is a really big and important thing. Also on Restaurant Number Two, congratulations to you. That's, like, insane. Insane. It really is. I think the beauty about the media climate and where we are right now is that you can do things in a really big, shiny, Netflix, big budget, beautiful way, or you can scale ideas down and you can test into them. And I think that one of the most amazing things that I've seen really, really work in my career is when we've taken things that we thought had potential to be really big and really global and we've tested them on smaller platforms, like figuring something out on YouTube or figuring out, like, an Instagram version of what you're trying to do. Your idea is to take something, you know, like a whole industry and to go into somewhere, you know, like the prisons that you mentioned or whatever it might be. But why would you not test that instead of with an influence, with one of your friends in a more localized situation and figure out how it works? Because there's some beauty to this idea of test and learn. One of the things that I 1000% know as an entrepreneur is that you've just got to start. Like, if you have figured it all out and you've written a big presentation and you're waiting for the one magical day that you're gonna, you know, meet Ted Sarando, some pitch it to Netflix, like, that day might never come, but you could get out of the starting block and just try something. And then the beauty of that is that you get to test and learn and you fail and you iterate and you start again. So I would take this idea that you've got and extrapolate the best pieces of it and try it in some really little small way, whatever you can. I would do it tomorrow. Tomorrow.
- [50:42]
Jay Shetty
Give it up for K, everyone.
- [50:47]
Emma Grede
Thank you, my love. It's very nice to meet you at your restaurant. Bye.
- [50:52]
Jay Shetty
Give it up for Kay, everyone.
- [50:55]
Emma Grede
I can't believe we did that.
- [50:58]
Jay Shetty
What's that?
- [50:58]
Emma Grede
I can't believe we did that.
- [51:00]
Jay Shetty
I know. That's so much fun. It's like that. It's what you said, like someone saying, I'll do that. Raising the hand, Kate's courage. And also just having a great idea, having a great thought. And that advice you gave was spot on. I love the advice you gave. I think it's so, so valuable to hear that. It's interesting you said that when I first wanted this show to exist, I actually started on purpose because I pitched a TV show that got rejected.
- [51:29]
Emma Grede
No.
- [51:30]
Jay Shetty
Seven years ago.
- [51:31]
Emma Grede
No.
- [51:31]
Jay Shetty
Yeah. I had a TV show idea. I actually had the opportunity to pitch at Netflix and pitch at ABC and pitch at. @ MTV. Was still around then.
- [51:43]
Emma Grede
And did they turn you down?
- [51:45]
Jay Shetty
And I got rejected. They rejected my TV show idea.
- [51:48]
Emma Grede
Oh, they must be.
- [51:49]
Jay Shetty
And so I started a podcast.
- [51:51]
Emma Grede
Yes. Yes.
- [51:52]
Jay Shetty
You know, like, just hearing that, like, gave me goosebumps because that was exactly what happened to me. Emma, you have been phenomenal tonight. You are truly one of my favorite people in the world. Everyone make sure you go and subscribe to Aspire with Emma greed. Apple, Spotify, YouTube, all the platforms. Follow Emma on Instagram if you don't already, give it up for Emma Greed.
- [52:20]
Emma Grede
Thank you, thank you, thank you. You're the best. I love you.
- [52:24]
Jay Shetty
Thank you so much for listening to this conversation. If you enjoyed it, you'll love my chat with Adam Grant on why discomfort is the key. Key to growth and the strategies for unlocking your hidden potential. If you know you want to be more and achieve more this year, go check it out right now.
- [52:42]
Kalpen (Kal Penn) and Ed Helms
You set a goal today, you achieve it in six months, and then by the time it happens, it's almost a relief. There's no sense of meaning and purpose. You sort of expected it and you would have been disappointed if it didn't happen. Wishing the holidays could come early. If you own or manage your business, they can. With help from iHeartRadio, people are already shopping for their loved ones and hunting for deals wherever they can find them, including right here. They're listening to the radio.
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iHeart Radio Announcer
They're listening to podcasts.
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Kalpen (Kal Penn) and Ed Helms
They could be listening to you. Don't wait for everyone else to kick off the holidays. Get your best season of the year up and running today. Call 844-844-IHEART or visit iheartadvertising.com.
- [53:24]
iHeart Radio Announcer
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