Exhausted From Being a People Pleaser? Use THIS 0–10 Rule to Say “No” Without Guilt

Summary

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On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Episode: Exhausted From Being a People Pleaser? Use THIS 0–10 Rule to Say “No” Without Guilt
Date: October 3, 2025
Podcast by: iHeartPodcasts
Host: Jay Shetty

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Episode Overview

In this special episode, Jay Shetty steps into the spotlight himself for an intimate, wisdom-packed conversation recorded in front of a live audience. Jay explores the deeply personal journey from monkhood to global thought leader, tackling themes like reframing adversity, avoiding the trap of people-pleasing, fostering resilience, and making “wisdom go viral.” Jay also shares concrete, actionable advice—including his “0-10 Rule” for saying no and prioritizing wellness without guilt. Audience Q&A further brings to light valuable lessons on presence, service, flexibility, and creative thinking.

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Main Themes & Key Discussion Points

Jay’s Origin Story & Early Adversity

• Jay recounts his beginnings: Living as a monk, working days as a consultant, and running free talks to nearly empty rooms. (“Practiced my presentation to an empty room.” — Jay, 04:28)
• Adversity as a Training Ground: Emphasizes how consistent facing of hardship leads to growth and courage.
  • Quote: “Make a list of every hard thing you’ve been through. It will only make you more confident and courageous.” (Jay Shetty, 08:35)

Reframing Adversity: The Second Arrow (07:08)

• Buddhist teaching of the second arrow: The pain of adversity is usually doubled by self-inflicted meaning.
  • Quote: “Stop firing that second arrow at yourself. Those are the two things I do.” (Jay Shetty, 09:05)
• Exercise: Make a list of your toughest challenges, and stop adding negative interpretation to them.

Restoring Self & Avoiding Burnout (10:41)

• Jay’s Practices: Meditation, exercise, diet, and—most importantly—immersing himself with mentors for joy and replenishment.
  • Quote: “My Monk teacher is 75 years old this year... being in his presence is just unmatched.” (Jay Shetty, 11:35)
• Receiving as Service: Jay shares inspiration from listeners—like a Navy SEAL and a paralyzed cheerleader—who in turn teach him about resilience and perspective.

Making Wisdom Go Viral (15:19)

• Massive Transformational Purpose (MTP): Jay defines his driving mission not as content creation for clicks, but to spread ancient wisdom as widely and accessibly as viral internet content.
  • Quote: “What if compassion could go viral? What if empathy could go viral? What if the ideas that bring people together could go viral?” (Jay Shetty, 17:12)
• Rejecting Clickbait: Committed to virality via substance and integrity, not sensationalism.
  • Quote: “Our mission is we’re going to prove to you that if you serve the world healthy food but looks good and tastes good, they’ll take it… That’s my rule.” (Jay Shetty, 18:06)

Audio’s Power & Intimacy in Podcasting (21:41)

• Jay reflects on audio vs. video: Audio—like a private conversation—creates a unique, personal bond with the audience.
  • Quote: “Audio feels like you’re on a phone call with someone… so intimate… so vulnerable.” (Jay Shetty, 21:55)
• Podcast listeners connect more deeply: Listeners know Jay “far more deeply” than video followers do.

Human vs. AI-Created Content (25:06)

• Cautious approach to AI: Acknowledges both inevitability and danger, but ultimately stresses the irreplaceability of human soul and authenticity.
  • Quote: “It’s soul plus AI. It’s not AI… Art imitating reality is all we have, and it’s what we’ve been fascinated about… AI can’t do that yet.” (Jay Shetty, 27:10)
• Call to creators: Keep the human soul at the center when using new technologies.

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Audience Q&A Highlights

The 0–10 Rule: Say “No” Without Guilt (30:14)

[Question from an agency worker struggling to say no]

• Jay’s advice:
  • Build your own 0–10 scale for emergencies and requests. Define what’s truly urgent (“10”) and what isn’t (“0”).
    • Quote: “Everything feels like a 10 when you don’t really look at the scale…” (Jay Shetty, 31:08)
  • If a request is 8 or above, say yes; 6 or below, say no.
  • Real service is “how long you can do it for, not how quickly you can solve the problem.”
  • Presence matters more than time—give people 100% of your attention for 10 minutes rather than a distracted hour.
    • Quote: “We try and trade time when no one wants time, they want presence.” (Jay Shetty, 34:25)

Lessons from Monkhood: Stability from Within (38:05)

[Question from Ricardo about Jay’s biggest lesson as a monk]

• Top insight: True adaptability—finding stability from within when everything externally is unstable/uncontrollable.
  • Quote: “You’re almost training yourself to wake up with stability from within, because outside… you can’t control it.” (Jay Shetty, 39:34)
• This inner adaptability remains vital for handling life’s unpredictability.

Creative Reset: The 30 Circles Test (41:35)

[Prompt for advice to marketers and creatives]

• The Exercise: Fill 30 circles in 30 seconds—kids see possibilities, adults default to logic.
  • Lesson: “The human brain has become so logical… by the time we get 20, 25, 30… we hear 30 circles, 30 seconds, task done.”
• Key advice: Reclaim childlike eyes—see with curiosity, break habitual patterns, and unlock fresh creativity.
  • Quote: “How can you start looking at your life and your role through the fresh eyes of a child?” (Jay Shetty, 44:46)

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “Stop firing that second arrow at yourself.” — Jay Shetty (09:05)
• “Make a list of every hard thing you’ve been through. It will only make you more confident and courageous.” (08:35)
• “What if compassion could go viral? What if empathy could go viral?” (17:12)
• “Audio feels like you’re on a phone call with someone… so intimate… so vulnerable.” (21:55)
• “It’s soul plus AI. It’s not AI… Art imitating reality is all we have, and… AI can’t do that yet.” (27:10)
• “Everything feels like a 10 when you don’t really look at the scale…” (31:08)
• “We try and trade time when no one wants time, they want presence.” (34:25)
• “Learning adaptability and flexibility can be a really important skill to help us deal with when things don’t go to plan.” (39:59)
• “How can you start looking at your life and your role through the fresh eyes of a child?” (44:46)

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Key Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|----------------------------------------------| | 04:28 | Jay’s beginnings: from monk to podcaster | | 07:08 | Reframing adversity & the second arrow | | 10:41 | Jay’s methods for recovering & staying well | | 15:19 | The mission of making wisdom go viral | | 21:41 | The unique intimacy of audio podcasting | | 25:06 | Navigating the rise of AI in creative work | | 30:14 | The 0–10 rule for saying “no” without guilt | | 38:05 | Biggest lesson from living as a monk | | 41:35 | The 30 Circles Test & unleashing creativity |

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Takeaways & Action Steps

• Stop self-sabotaging adversity: List past difficulties and release negative interpretations.
• Create your own 0–10 urgency scale: Learn to say “no” to maintain long-term wellness and true value in service.
• Prioritize deep presence over time spent: Real connection and help come from focus, not quantity.
• Feed your soul—seek mentors and accept inspiration from others.
• Reignite your creativity: Approach problem-solving with curiosity and a child’s perspective.
• Balance technology with soul: Use AI, but keep human authenticity and lived experience at the center of your work.

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This episode is ideal for anyone feeling overwhelmed by people-pleasing, seeking to set healthier boundaries, or looking to reignite creativity and resilience—infused with Jay’s signature warmth, humility, and actionable wisdom.

Transcript

[iHeart Media Host]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Jay Shetty]

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[iHeart Media Host]

The one, the only Jay Shetty.

[Jay Shetty]

So often we rush through life chasing deadlines, juggling responsibilities and trying to keep up with everything around us. But moments like these remind us to pause, to reflect, and to remember when what truly matters Connection, compassion and purpose. That's what makes this gathering so unique. Normally, on Purpose is where I sit down with incredible guests to share their wisdom with you. But tonight, the roles are reversed. I'm stepping into the guest seat, sharing my own journey, the lessons I've learned, and the practices that continue to Guide me every single day. This isn't just another episode.

[iHeart Media Host]

It's.

[Jay Shetty]

It's an intimate conversation about resilience, reframing adversity, and discovering how we can make wisdom go viral in our world. And I'm so grateful you're here to be a part of it.

[iHeart Media Host]

We are blessed at iheart to be able to work with hundreds of creators who change the game every day. And one of them is here tonight. A best selling author. Last time I saw Jay Shetty, he was about to go around the world like 40 cities with a book that he had just put out. The biggest mental health and mindful podcaster in the world, and has been for several years running. And candidly, just a dear friend of mine in iHeartMedia. Let's bring Jay Shetty up. So some of this for me is origin stories. And I think everybody here knows who you are. But just in case, how did this happen? How did you get here? Tell us a little bit of the story of how you got here.

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, well, first of all, I'm so grateful to be here and wonderful to be surrounded by all of you, making sure I can see everyone all the way up there at the back as well. I have no idea how this happened. I'm like living in bonus land. I had no idea that any of this was possible. I didn't ever believe that any of this would happen. I remember booking small college rooms and putting up posters to try and share wisdom. And I remember going to give my first talk. And I waited for 10 minutes after the announced time, waited 20 minutes, waited 30 minutes, 40 minutes later, realized no one was coming. So I practiced my presentation to an empty room. And then the second time, same thing happened. Practiced a presentation to an entry room, empty room. The third time, I realized I had to fire the person putting up the flyers, but that person was me. And so I couldn't really do that. And so I practiced empty rooms for weeks and weeks and years. And I had lived as a monk for three years before that. And I was just trying to share what I'd learned. And to be honest, I was lucky if five to 10 people would show up at an event in London on a Friday night that was absolutely free so that I could just share wisdom. I had a day job. I was working full time as a consultant in the city just to pay my bills. And then I'd spend my evenings trying to share wisdom. And so that's how it started. And that led to one day putting out videos and then podcasts and books and everything else. But that's really the journey, that's really the work.

[iHeart Media Host]

More than five to ten people here tonight. A lot of what you talk about, which seems appropriate to start here on a day like today, a lot of what you talk about is reframing adversity. You just told a little story about how you had a little adversity. You're trying to get a career going, an after hours career. We are running and gunning a lot of us marketers in the corporate world hour in, hour out. We hit adversity all the time. We hit it emotionally, we hit it professionally. What I love about talking to you is how practical it gets so fast. Talk to us a little bit about what that means for you, reframing adversity and what we could do literally tomorrow morning maybe to live a little differently.

[Jay Shetty]

What's really interesting is there's this beautiful teaching that comes from the Buddha that I love, and it's called the second arrow. So the Buddhist talks about how if someone shoots an arrow at you and sadly it hits you, it's going to hurt. That's what it feels like to experience adversity. We all have that. Whether someone shouted at you, someone said something mean on the subway, your boss is having a bad day, maybe your child said something to you, right? Whatever it is, like everyone's got their version of that. Your friend screwed you over, your boyfriend or girlfriend or whoever it was broke up with you for no reason at all. That's the first arrow. And the Buddha talks about how the first arrow hurts and you can't really change that. But the Buddha says, don't fire a second arrow at yourself. And the second arrow is the meaning that you attach to that first arrow. So, oh, they broke up with me because I'm not good enough. Oh, my boss is yelling at me because they hate me. Oh, that person snarled at me on the train because, you know, I just, I have that energy. And so you start giving meaning to that which doesn't exist. And that second arrow is where all of our adversity really begins. We're actually tough enough to heal from the first arrow. Every single one of you has healed from the most difficult things, things that I'm not aware of, things that you may never share, whether you've lost a loved one, whether you went through a really difficult health challenge when you were younger, whether you grew up without a parent. Like, whatever you've been through, you've been through really, really hard things and you can do extremely hard things moving forward. And so the first thing you can do. Waking up tomorrow to Connell's point is make a list of every hard thing you've been through. It will only make you more confident. It will only make you more courageous. Make a list of every difficult thing you've done in your life. And the second thing is stop giving negative meaning to hard things that happen. Stop firing that second arrow at yourself. Those are the two things I do.

[iHeart Media Host]

Just to repeat it. Conversations with you, whether it's in private before we come on, or here in front of a crowd, I find it so helpful. I'll tell. Sort of a candid moment of a couple years ago. We were sitting and doing a Q and A together, and after the Q and A, I said, yeah, my son's going off to college in a year, and I'm sort of freaking out about it. And I think he's on a trajectory that he's trying to figure himself out. We all are. And your instinct, this really happened. Like, your instinct was, let me call him. Let me call him. You want me to talk to him, I'll talk to him. It'd be cool. I won't make it weird. And it was so. You're so of service. But I thought to myself afterwards, like, God, that's got to be exhausting to constantly be helping. And you really are. What do you do for yourself to reboot, to reinvigorate yourself? Because you are constantly in service like that, in some sense, taking on other people's stuff so much. What do you do to keep stable going? Okay, what do you do?

[Jay Shetty]

I'll try and be brief about the things that I think are obvious. So I meditate daily. I exercise five, six days a week, eat healthy. I have a very disciplined regimen when it comes to all of that stuff. So that helps a lot, but on a deeper level and to take it a step deeper, because I think all of you are here today, and we have this intimate space to be more open and vulnerable. For me, I've been really fortunate that my teachers are like a reservoir of joy, and I get to be with them deeply often. And so my Monk teacher is 75 years old this year. He was in New York actually, earlier this week. So I would finish my work day and spend Monday and Tuesday evening with him for, like, three, four hours. And he is just full of wisdom. He's full of light, he's full of life. And I'm just in his aura, just, like, soaking it in. And he's just truly one of those people that you meet, and you're just like, I Feel like he's looking through me. I feel like he sees all my flaws. But I feel loved and I feel held. And I've known him ever since I was 18 years old. And for 20 years he's been my guide and my mentor. And being in his presence is just unmatched. And so I'm spoiled, I'm overwhelmed with love for him. And then the second part of it is really beautiful because when you are of service, when you're trying to give, when I'm trying to be helpful, you actually receive really beautiful stories. And so I talked about this. I was on the Today show this morning and I was talking to Chanel, who sadly, one of the hosts who lost her husband to cancer. She just came back after six months of taking care of him during that time and while he passed away. And she asked me a similar question. And I immediately thought of two people that I met while I was on tour. So this year we took on purpose across 15 cities of North America and Canada. And I met two people that stayed with me. I met lots of people, but two people stayed with me deeply. One was a Navy SEAL who was just back from deployment that weekend and said to me that when they're at deployment, they listen to on purpose. And I just was like, wait a minute, how does that even happen? Like I'm just like, explain that to me. And it was just humbling. It just felt bizarre and ridiculous. And I was like, teach me. Like, tell me, tell me about you. I'm so much more interested in learning from you. And the second person was this 19 year old girl who is a world champion cheerleader. And at 16 years old, she's world champion across America. And she had a freak accident where she had a really bad fall and she had a disruption in her spinal cord which has left her paralyzed, which includes her hands. She was in a wheelchair when I saw her three years on and she was the most vibrant person I'd ever met in my life. She was beaming, she was smiling, she was joyful. She was telling me her story with full of life. Her name is Michaela Noble. And I was so inspired by her. And I was like, what? How did you do this? How can you be that positive? I was like, if I listened to all my advice, I wouldn't be like you. So explain to me how you did this. And I meant it. I was like, explain to me. And she explained to me that she believes in God and that God reminded her how beautiful her family is and just how that's been her source of shelter and love. And I have never forgotten that moment I shared with her. I met her for, like, 10 minutes or something, but I can't stop talking about it and thinking about it because she was showing me how vibrant, energetic, and beaming someone can be when they can't walk. They're in a wheelchair and they've lost their dream. She'll never be able to cheer again. And so that's how I get inspired. The people who I've learned from, and I find even the people that say they're learning from me, they're actually inspiring me more than they know.

[iHeart Media Host]

I think a lot of what we strive for as marketers, as professionals, is when we're working on that one idea, that one campaign, and it goes viral, and we're like, wow, in marketing speak, you've got a lot of earned value, earned media on your hands. But you use this term making wisdom go viral, which I can't imagine anything more timely than this as a goal. Just walk us through that. What does it mean for you? Why do you talk about that a lot?

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, I read a book before I started creating content by Salim Ismail. The book's called the Singularity. Oh, no. The book's called Exponential Organizations, published by the Singularity University years ago. Really old book. And it almost talked about how Uber and Facebook and how those early companies had their rise. But he talked about how all amazing companies or organizations or people had an MTP or a massive transformational purpose. And he talks in the book about how Google's MTP is organizing the world's information. Their MTP is not building Google Ads or Google AI or Google Glasses. It's building. Organizing the world's information. It's massive, it's aspirational, and it allows them to do anything. It's not like we can just have a Gmail account. And he said ted's was ideas worth spreading. So I spent a lot of time thinking, like, what's my mtp? And I came up years ago now, like maybe eight years ago, with making wisdom go viral. And it really stuck for me, and it really stuck for a lot of other people. And then Covid came, and viral had a whole new meaning. Then everyone's like, maybe you should change that. So we didn't use it for a few years. It's kind of having a comeback now. But talking about why that's important, what it means. When I started creating content, there were only like, three or four things that went viral. So it was cats, which I love. Any cat people? Yeah. All right. Okay. Dogs didn't know that we were going there. Yeah, dogs. Dog people. Yeah. Number three. Babies. Baby people. Yeah. So cats, dogs, babies, and then people taking their clothes off. So those are the people taking their clothes.

[iHeart Media Host]

No one, really. We don't get a cheer.

[Jay Shetty]

So those are the four things that went viral when I started creating content, health and wellness, mindfulness meditation. Wisdom didn't really exist on the Internet. Like, it wasn't viral. It was there, but it wasn't viral. And so I thought, how amazing would it be? I've been so fortunate to learn about these traditions that are 5,000 years old. They're not my teachings. They're not my wisdom. It's wisdom that I've gained from my teachers and mentors. How amazing would it be if these went viral and everyone for free could have access to these tools and skills? What an amazing world we would live in. What if compassion could go viral? What if empathy could go viral? What if the ideas that bring people together could go viral? Because I wasn't seeing that until this day. On Purpose's mission is, I promise you, we will get the same or more views than any of our peers in this place without using clickbait. Like, that's. That's our mission. Like, that's my rule. I will never ask a clickbait question, because I don't want to. Because our mission is we're going to prove to you that if you serve the word world healthy food but looks good and tastes good, then they'll take it. But if you serve the world junk food, of course they're going to eat it. It's obvious. And so my push to myself is always, how do I ask the least clickbait question and get it to go viral? Which annoys my team because they're like, jay, if you just ask them about Kanye, it would help. And I'm like, yeah, I'm going to go for this whole interview and not mention Kanye. And I did that. And, yeah, it still works. So that's kind of where I come at it from, which is, yeah, how do we truly make wisdom go?

[iHeart Media Host]

I'm totally not going to ask my next question about Kanye.

[Jay Shetty]

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[iHeart Media Host]

We at iHeart are a multimedia company. Broadcast radio podcasting, of course, is our bedrock. But we are everything from iHeartradio Music Festival in Las Vegas to Jingle Ball. Yes, Jingle Ball. If you want to see how loud our company gets, it's Jingle Ball. But it always warms my heart to talk to creators like yourself or Malcolm Gladwell or questlove who are partners with ours, for whom audio in particular is very, very specifically important. Malcolm Gladwell puts it in a way, when I was talking to him and he said, you know, it's funny, video for me comes in through the eyes, but audio goes straight for the heart. And he said, I swear I'm not making this up. He's like, I've seen audiences react differently to the stuff I do as a creator. Why is audio such a huge part of your focus, particularly podcasting with the on purpose podcast? What itch does it scratch? What need does it serve? Why does it play such a big role in your life?

[Jay Shetty]

You can't just quote Malcolm Gladwell. I grew up. Malcolm's like my hero. I grew up as reading all his books. So it's it was so wonderful to meet him in Qatar. I love Malcolm. His works incredible. And I love that. I love that approach. It's beautiful. It's. For me, audio feels like you're on a phone call with someone, which feels so intimate because no one calls anyone anymore. And so there's such an intimacy in feeling like someone's in your ear. It's so close, it's so vulnerable, it's so personal when you're letting someone into your ear. And I see that in the different communities I have, if someone watches me, they know a certain part of me. But if someone listens to me, they know me far more deeply. I know the difference when I Meet someone who listens to on purpose regularly versus someone who follows me on Instagram, it's completely different conversation I'm gonna have with that person. And if someone's listening to my audiobook, same thing. It's so meaningful because I think we all consume more deeply through our ears. We could be looking at something and looking at a million things. And when you're watching something, like Malcolm said, like, when you're watching something, you're looking at the characters and you might look at their hair and the bag that they're holding and their fashion, and then you. You forgot what they said. But when you're listening, all you can do is listen to what someone said. There is zero distraction. So the intimacy, the vulnerability, the personal connection is just unmatched. And I feel so lucky that I get to live and sit with people, whether they're at the gym, whether they're on their way to work or back, whether they're walking their dog, whether they're trying to walk their cat, whether they're cooking. Like, you know, it's like whatever you're doing, like, you're a part of someone's life.

[iHeart Media Host]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

If you think about that, audio's the only thing you really do while doing everything. Everything else. So you're a part of someone's life. Whereas you sit down to watch a show you're not doing, you might do a bunch of things and watch, but when you're doing a bunch of things and you're listening, it's like there's just this beautiful captivated connection. And so I. And I feel that with someone who, people, when I meet them and they listen to the podcast, they'll often come up to me and say, I feel like I know you. And my answer is, you kind of do.

[iHeart Media Host]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

You know, and it's, it's, it's different from someone saying, I follow you on Instagram.

[iHeart Media Host]

I feel like not talking about artificial intelligence would be remiss in not hitting it, at least for a second. We have a pretty incredible research team at iHeart, and they are laser focused on this topic today of what does it mean to make human generated content versus AI generated content? This is a challenge we all, as marketers are grappling with, figuring out, is it a tool, is it a friend, is it a foe? What do I do? You know, nine out of ten humans in the United States still feel like it is very important to me that the content I consume is made by human. 82% of those people are uncertain of concerned about AI. Can mean a Lot of different things, but generally it's a position of anxiety. It's not yet a position of let's go, this is going to be great. How do you process that? How should we think about that?

[Jay Shetty]

I think fear around new technology is always normal and expected. And I think we felt the same way about social media and if not more today than we did when it was founded. And same with the Internet and same with color television and probably everything else. And so the fear doesn't surprise me and it feels like a normal human reaction and a probably the most justified ever because AI is definitely the most scary and the most, yeah, the most potentially dangerous one out of all of them. And I think it seems like it's got worse every time. So it's fair and it's real. I think at the same time we've seen that the technology is not going to go away because we're scared, it's not going to disappear because we don't like it. And sadly we're not smart enough as humans to end something before it ends us. And so we're going to let it take course we'll make a documentary in 10 years time. The next book in 12 years will be about how you to get your kids off of AI instead of phones. And we'll do the same thing again because as Mark Twain says, history never repeats itself, but it always rhymes. And so you see that happen again and again and again. So what do we do? Right, so what do we do? If we take all of what I just said and that's just what humans do, then what do we do with that? We only really have one choice, which is how do we learn to engage with it effectively and not let it use us. And when I think about creativity, I fully agree with you. There were a couple of brands in the last couple of weeks that launched fully AI campaigns and it was rejected completely. I even see fellow creators who are making brilliant storytelling videos on TikTok with AI with Veo. And the comments are just like, oh, I guess we're using AI now. And I'm, I'm flabbergasted because the storytelling is brilliant, beautiful. But all the comments are like, why are you doing this? I'm like, oh, interesting. Not me, we're not making them yet, but friends of mine. And I'm like, oh, interesting. Like what's going on here? So I think that's not going to go away. And I think the big question I keep getting asked at conferences when I'm especially talking about mindfulness and consciousness is, will I ever have a soul? And my answer to that is, I don't know. But I just hope that the people using AI have a soul. And I think that's what I would encourage marketers and creators to do, that it's soul plus AI. It's not AI because you just told me, and I won't share what it was, but you just told me about a beautiful story your friend made into a movie. And that story is only a great story because it was real life. And so now more than ever, art imitating reality is all we have. And it's what we've been fascinated about. It's why we love true stories. It's why we love stories that are based on a true story. Because art imitating reality is what captures humans, and AI can't do that yet. So that's what we've got to focus on, is soul plus AI. And that soul is art imitating reality. And that reality means observe real life more rather than expecting AI to figure it out, because that's your unique superpower. As marketers, everyone can ask AI, what would you do for my campaign? But AI doesn't really know how to mirror reality yet. It doesn't still have that. It doesn't have raw emotion and ability to transfer the pain of poetry. It can write a poem, but the poem's pretty basic and average. It still doesn't have that. And so that's our superpower, Soul plus AI. So I think we need to use AI we will use AI. AI will exist now forever. Just like social media. Let's just not lose the soul before in the algorithm, we all want to feel better, to have more energy and more focus throughout the day. That's why I co founded Jooni, a sparkling adaptogenic drink made with powerful ingredients like ashwagandha and lion's mane. It's designed to boost your mood, support your focus, and give you natural energy, all without the crash. A new classic reimagined. We're so excited to officially launch our new lemonade iced tea flavor. When we created Joony, my goal was simple. I wanted to make drinks that help you feel balanced and energized without compromise. Our upgraded take on the classic Arnold Palmer is crisp, refreshing, and crafted with adaptogens to support energy for focus and mood, all with zero sugar. Be among the first to try it. Available [e-mail] where you can use the code ONPURPOSE20 for 20% off your first order. Cheers to your daily mood boost.

[iHeart Media Host]

I want to open this up just A little bit. I think we're going to let folks ask you a couple questions real quick and then we can close out with one more. Yeah, let's go right there.

[Audience Member]

So you're surrounded by a lot of people that work in agencies. So we're trained to please people and to never say no. So can you talk to us a little bit about the power of work life balance and its importance to mental health and maybe give us some tips to not feel. Because when I say no, I feel selfish.

[Jay Shetty]

No to who?

[Audience Member]

No to anyone. Whether that be family, whether that be bosses, work, clients, all those sorts of places. But I also do know that when you help people, you do feel really good. So how do I help myself to say no to others and say yes to myself?

[Jay Shetty]

That's a great question. How many of you feel like a people pleaser? Yes, all of us. Good. How many of you don't feel like people pleasers? Oh, very honest. It's all the bosses in the room. Classic. Yeah. It's all the people at the top. Got it. The. You know, it's such a great question. Such a great question. I had to learn that the hard way, too, even from a service point of view. So at one point in my life, I was so deeply focused on service that I would burn out very often. I would run out of energy very often because I'd say yes to helping anyone. Someone called me at midnight. I was there. I would fly there, drive there, pick up the phone, whatever it was today, unless it is really serious or whatever. And I'm saying this half joking, but if someone calls me up and goes, oh, this crazy thing happened to me night, can I talk about it? I'm like, sleep on it. We'll talk about it in three days. Because half the time the emergency is not really an emergency. And if it is, of course, take it seriously. But those emergencies are rarely that. And everything feels like a 10 when you don't really look at the scale of what 0 to 10 is. So if 10 is the worst thing ever could happen ever, write down underneath it what that is for you. So whatever that is for you, like 10 out of 10, the worst day of your life, what would it be? Write that down. And then 0 out of 10, what would that day look like if that was the best day of your life? And now when anything happens, look at it on a scale of 1 to 10. And now all of a sudden, things that you think are a 10 are actually a 5. Things that you think are a 10 are actually like a 3. Because now you have a scale to look at it on. Because in that moment, a stubbed toe is a 10 out of 10. In that moment, right in that moment, getting late to a meeting is a 9 out of 10. Because the brain just goes. The mind just goes crazy. It just makes everything feel extreme. And so make your own 0 to 10 scale. I'm not the one to tell you what a 10 is, and I'm not the one to tell you what a zero is. No one can do it for you. So make that scale. And then anytime something comes in, ask yourself, where does it really sit on that scale? If it's a true emergency, amazing. If it's not, where does it land? Give yourself that. So if it's 8 and above, you're going to say yes. And if it's six and below, I'm going to say no. And that gives you a really clear metric for yourself that I can't tell you. You may say stubbing my toe is a 8.9, you know, but it's up to you to decide. So that's the first step. The second part of it, I'd say is if you really want to help people, if you really care about people, it's all about how long you can do it for, not how quick you can do it. So when you really. Thank you so much for that sound effect. That was amazing. I will pay you later. That was amazing. That was so good. That sounded like experience. I'll give you a hug. Okay. Hug. Yeah. We need your sound effects. On the podcast, when I, like, say stuff like, just need, like, reactions. All right. That's fantastic. On my solo episode, but it's something.

[iHeart Media Host]

So I'm going to do the rest of the time.

[Jay Shetty]

It's something I had to realize that if I really care about someone, it's how long I can do it for, not how quickly I can solve the problem. And so if saying no is helping you get sharper, more refined, more defined the next day and the day after, you're actually going to be more useful to that person forever. Even to your boss, to your family, whoever it may be. I've often said to my family, because I live away from them, I no longer have the luxury to spend a lot of time with my family. I live in la, my family's in London. So is my wife's family. But I've always said to them that I'm going to show up for the amount of time that I can give you 100% of my presence. So sometimes I can't give people all of my time, but I can always give them all of my presence. So I'd rather be with someone for 10 minutes if I can give them 100% of my presence than be with them for an hour and give them 10% of my presence. Which is what a lot of us do. We try and trade time when no one wants time, they want presence. How many times have you just spent three hours with someone and then gone? I didn't feel like we spent time together because when we're using the wrong language, you were never dealing in time. You were dealing in connection and presence. So you'd be better off. The fact that we all live in these 30 minute hour meetings, it was just made up by someone who made the calendar. Like, who made that up? Meetings could be 17 minutes if you wanted them to be. They could be six, they could be three. But we all think a meeting is our minds blow. Yeah, the whole room. We all think meetings have to be 30 or an hour. And I'm like, sometimes I talk to my team. I do not need to talk to that person for 30 minutes. I just don't. And so we've got to recognize that actually you can become more efficient and effective if you choose not to. People please. So your goal. By the way, I love making people happy too, but sometimes the goal of pleasing people is better served when I don't. People please. Because I can actually think about the longer term effect of what does it really mean to make them happy. So I hope that helps.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Ryan Seacrest]

Limu emu and Doug.

[Jay Shetty]

Here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug. Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us. Cut the camera. They see us.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty Liberty.

[Jay Shetty]

Liberty. Liberty Savings.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Very underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates, excludes Massachusetts.

[iHeart Media Host]

We got time for one more question from. From the crowd. Pick somebody. And the back. Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Oh, yeah. There's. Yeah. Up top. Let's do it. And yeah. The black T shirt. Hello. Hello.

[Ricardo (Audience Member)]

How you doing?

[Jay Shetty]

Hey, how you doing?

[Ricardo (Audience Member)]

Not too bad. I'm glad you can see me up here.

[Jay Shetty]

Nice to meet you. What's your name? Ricardo. Nice to meet you.

[Ricardo (Audience Member)]

Nice to meet you. So as somebody who is interested and has been intrigued by just the Buddhist practices, also been reading up on, like some of the Vedic scriptures, such as, like the Bhagavad Gita. You had mentioned that you served as a monk or lived as a monk for a couple years. So I just wanted to know during that time living as a monk, what was one of the most influential things that you learned?

[Jay Shetty]

Don't do it. Don't do it. I have to.

[Ricardo (Audience Member)]

What was the most influential thing that you learned during that time that's still sticks with you today?

[Jay Shetty]

Yeah, thank you. Great question. And if you want to be a monk and you're not married and don't have kids, go do it. It's just striking to the amount of married men that come up to me and go, I really always wanted to be a monk. And I'm like, yeah, I was going to ask. They're not going to accept you. It doesn't work like that. That's a great, great, great question. I would say it was something that wasn't even necessarily taught, but it was a way we lived. And so when you live as a monk. I lived as a monk for three years. You have two sets of robes you wear, one you wash, one you sleep in a communal space. And some rooms that we slept in could sleep 30 people. Sometimes it could sleep 200 people. You don't have a space that's yours. You put a little yoga mat on the floor. If you're in India, you'll have a mosquito net to protect you from getting eaten at night. And you'll just have a bedsheet because it's not that cold most months. And if it's cold, you'll have a bigger blanket if you're anywhere else in the world. We had a traveling sleeping bag, sometimes like a camping bag. What's really interesting is you don't get to decide what you eat. You eat what you're given. So what ends up happening is you end up becoming really flexible and really adaptable because you don't have a place that's yours. You don't have a bed that's yours. You don't have a room that's yours. You don't end up having much that's yours. And you start realizing that it's actually liberating when you learn to live with consistency and stability in how you wake up and look outwards rather than look at all those things to make you feel secure. So it's a really interesting, fascinating thing where, like, you're almost training yourself to wake up with stability from within because outside of you, everything's unstable because you can't. You can't control it, and it's not part of your life. And while now my life is extremely controlled on the outside, I still see that value in how useful it was to have that skill on the inside. Because when things aren't going my way externally, that's what I turn to. So that doesn't mean we shouldn't design our homes to be really curated and intentional. I think that's a really healthy way to live. But learning adaptability and flexibility can be a really important skill to help us deal with when things don't go to plan. And when I was a monk, like, things generally never went to plan because you don't. You're not. You don't. You're not in control. And so learning how to deal with not being in control, again, I'm not recommending that your whole life should not be in control. That is not the point. The point is we all have moments in our life that none of us can control. And knowing how to respond to those is really, really helpful. So I hope that helps. Thank you so much.

[iHeart Media Host]

Last question. Again, you have a room full of creatives, marketers, storytellers, maybe just challenge us with what's one thing, one question we should ask ourselves tomorrow. Tomorrow morning, every meeting that we go into, what's one beat we should take? And one question we should ask ourselves to sort of reset just a little bit.

[Jay Shetty]

So if I had this right now, I'd give it to all of you. And if I didn't care so much about the environment, I'd give it to you as well, but I'd print Out for you a piece of A4 piece of paper. And on it it would have 30 circles. This is something called the 30 circles test. So imagine an A4 piece of paper and there's 30 circles on it. I would then tell you you had 30 seconds to uniquely use and complete 30 circles. The timer would start, the countdown would go down. 20, 10, 9, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I'd say stop. I'd know straight away who cheated in school because you'd still be scribbling. I'd then really ask you to stop, but then I'd ask you what you did. I've done this everywhere. These are the top five answers. The first is I wrote the numbers 1 to 30. Interesting. In the, in the circles. The second is I wrote the Alphabet A to Z and then A, B, C, D to finish it off. The third is I did squiggles and loops and whatever, like doodling. The fourth is I did emojis, pizzas, footballs, soccer balls, whatever that is. And then the fifth is we call it noughts and crosses. You call it tic tac toe. What's it called? What was that? Is it called tic tac toe?

[iHeart Media Host]

I think so, yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

Noughts and crosses, X's and O's. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We call it noughts and crosses.

[iHeart Media Host]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

So. So, yeah, noughts and crosses. So. So I. That's the other thing that people do. Pretty much. No one does anything different to that. Pretty much. I, I've. The people think their doodle is something special, but it's just a doodle. And then I've done this same activity with. By the way, we've done this with executives at every major company. I've done this activity with 10 year olds.

[iHeart Media Host]

Yeah.

[Jay Shetty]

And some of the 10 year olds come up with some amazing stuff. One kid, he drew this thing around the 30 circles, put a little tag on top and put some lines on. And when I asked him what it was, he said it was a bag of tennis balls. This other young girl that I really. This one I'll never forget, she did all this intricate line work on some of the circles. And when I asked her what it was, she said it was a chessboard from a bird's eye view.

[iHeart Media Host]

I was like, wow.

[Jay Shetty]

And she was like, yeah. My mom made me watch Queen's Gambit. I was like, we'll talk about that. Maybe not be the right inspiration for a 10 year old. And then this one, probably my favorite one out of all of them is this girl did all this intricate line work, curves, shades, all this stuff in 30 seconds. And when I asked her what it was, she held it like this and she said, bubble wrap.

[iHeart Media Host]

Wow.

[Jay Shetty]

Now what? What happened? I'm talking to some of the most creative executives in the world, biggest marketers in the world. I've done this activity I usually do in smaller groups. What do we learn? We learned that the human brain has become so logical by the time we get 20, 25, 30, 40, 50 years old, that we hear 30 circles, 30 seconds, task done. And that's what we're going after. These 10 year olds don't even know what that means, right? They don't care about the time. They're just laterally thinking about the idea subconsciously. They're not going on trying to be creative. They're just not worried about finishing in time. And even if they are, they kind of are thinking about it in a completely different way. So my question to you is, how can you start looking at your life and your role through the fresh eyes of a child? How can you look at a problem the way a child would look at a problem? When a child's asked what a washing machine is, they think it's a time machine. When a child is asked what an iPhone is, they think it's a portal that someone could reach their hand through, and they can reach their hand through. Now think about how many amazing marketing ideas you'd have if you looked at something through fresh eyes. Whereas when we're all looking at the latest TikTok trend and the latest Instagram trend and everyone's doing the same thing, it's like we're looking at things through the task file of what's working today. Whereas all the ads we all love, and the reason you probably became a marketer is someone blew your mind because they created something that felt like they were being childlike, not childish. And so I would encourage you all to think about how to think about. How would you think a child would interact with whatever you're doing? And if a child doesn't interact with the product you use, how can you look at it through the fresh eyes of a child to not look at it for what you have learned to believe it is, but whatever it could be.

[iHeart Media Host]

Thank you so much for hanging out with us tonight. I'm gonna let you get out of here and then I'm gonna close out. But thank you, Jack.

[Jay Shetty]

Thank you for your questions, everyone. So nice to meet you all. If this is the year that you're trying to get creative, you're trying to build more I need you to listen to this episode with Rick Rubin on how to break into your most creative self, how to use unconventional methods that lead to success, and the secret to genuinely loving what you do. If you're trying to find your passion and your lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one for you. Just because I like it, that doesn't give it any value. Like as an artist, if you like it, that's all of the value. That's the success comes when you say I like this enough for other people to see it. This episode of On Purpose is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve. I believe that travel is one of the greatest gifts that we've ever been given, and Chase Sapphire Reserve has been my gateway to the world's most captivating destinations. When I use my Chase Sapphire Reserve card, I get eight times the points on all the purchases I make through Chase Travel and even access to one of a kind experiences. Experiences like music festivals and sporting events. And that's not even mentioning how the card gets me into the Sapphire Lounge by the club at select airports nationwide. Travel is more rewarding with Chase Sapphire Reserve. Trust me. Discover [e-mail] Sapphire Reserve cards issued by JP Morgan Chase Bank NA member FDIC subject to credit approval terms apply.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway Cough and Cold season is coming, so make sure you're prepared and stock up on your family's favorite personal wellness products. Now through October 7th. Shop in store and online for savings on products like Mucinex, Kickstart Combo, Zyrtec Allergy Relief Tablets or Liquid Gels, Halls Cough Drops and Mucinex Fast day and night so you and your family are armed and ready for the season ahead. Offer ends October 7th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

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[Jay Shetty]

Wait, this has bubble jets?

[Amazon Prime Announcer]

Okay, get up to 40% off with prime big deal days October 7th and 8th.

[iHeart Media Host]

This is an Iheart podcast.