On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Episode: Exhausted From Being a People Pleaser? Use THIS 0–10 Rule to Say “No” Without Guilt
Date: October 3, 2025
Podcast by: iHeartPodcasts
Host: Jay Shetty

Episode Overview

In this special episode, Jay Shetty steps into the spotlight himself for an intimate, wisdom-packed conversation recorded in front of a live audience. Jay explores the deeply personal journey from monkhood to global thought leader, tackling themes like reframing adversity, avoiding the trap of people-pleasing, fostering resilience, and making “wisdom go viral.” Jay also shares concrete, actionable advice—including his “0-10 Rule” for saying no and prioritizing wellness without guilt. Audience Q&A further brings to light valuable lessons on presence, service, flexibility, and creative thinking.

Main Themes & Key Discussion Points

Jay’s Origin Story & Early Adversity

• Jay recounts his beginnings: Living as a monk, working days as a consultant, and running free talks to nearly empty rooms. (“Practiced my presentation to an empty room.” — Jay, 04:28)
• Adversity as a Training Ground: Emphasizes how consistent facing of hardship leads to growth and courage.
  • Quote: “Make a list of every hard thing you’ve been through. It will only make you more confident and courageous.” (Jay Shetty, 08:35)

Reframing Adversity: The Second Arrow (07:08)

• Buddhist teaching of the second arrow: The pain of adversity is usually doubled by self-inflicted meaning.
  • Quote: “Stop firing that second arrow at yourself. Those are the two things I do.” (Jay Shetty, 09:05)
• Exercise: Make a list of your toughest challenges, and stop adding negative interpretation to them.

Restoring Self & Avoiding Burnout (10:41)

• Jay’s Practices: Meditation, exercise, diet, and—most importantly—immersing himself with mentors for joy and replenishment.
  • Quote: “My Monk teacher is 75 years old this year... being in his presence is just unmatched.” (Jay Shetty, 11:35)
• Receiving as Service: Jay shares inspiration from listeners—like a Navy SEAL and a paralyzed cheerleader—who in turn teach him about resilience and perspective.

Making Wisdom Go Viral (15:19)

• Massive Transformational Purpose (MTP): Jay defines his driving mission not as content creation for clicks, but to spread ancient wisdom as widely and accessibly as viral internet content.
  • Quote: “What if compassion could go viral? What if empathy could go viral? What if the ideas that bring people together could go viral?” (Jay Shetty, 17:12)
• Rejecting Clickbait: Committed to virality via substance and integrity, not sensationalism.
  • Quote: “Our mission is we’re going to prove to you that if you serve the world healthy food but looks good and tastes good, they’ll take it… That’s my rule.” (Jay Shetty, 18:06)

Audio’s Power & Intimacy in Podcasting (21:41)

• Jay reflects on audio vs. video: Audio—like a private conversation—creates a unique, personal bond with the audience.
  • Quote: “Audio feels like you’re on a phone call with someone… so intimate… so vulnerable.” (Jay Shetty, 21:55)
• Podcast listeners connect more deeply: Listeners know Jay “far more deeply” than video followers do.

Human vs. AI-Created Content (25:06)

• Cautious approach to AI: Acknowledges both inevitability and danger, but ultimately stresses the irreplaceability of human soul and authenticity.
  • Quote: “It’s soul plus AI. It’s not AI… Art imitating reality is all we have, and it’s what we’ve been fascinated about… AI can’t do that yet.” (Jay Shetty, 27:10)
• Call to creators: Keep the human soul at the center when using new technologies.

Audience Q&A Highlights

The 0–10 Rule: Say “No” Without Guilt (30:14)

[Question from an agency worker struggling to say no]

• Jay’s advice:
  • Build your own 0–10 scale for emergencies and requests. Define what’s truly urgent (“10”) and what isn’t (“0”).
    • Quote: “Everything feels like a 10 when you don’t really look at the scale…” (Jay Shetty, 31:08)
  • If a request is 8 or above, say yes; 6 or below, say no.
  • Real service is “how long you can do it for, not how quickly you can solve the problem.”
  • Presence matters more than time—give people 100% of your attention for 10 minutes rather than a distracted hour.
    • Quote: “We try and trade time when no one wants time, they want presence.” (Jay Shetty, 34:25)

Lessons from Monkhood: Stability from Within (38:05)

[Question from Ricardo about Jay’s biggest lesson as a monk]

• Top insight: True adaptability—finding stability from within when everything externally is unstable/uncontrollable.
  • Quote: “You’re almost training yourself to wake up with stability from within, because outside… you can’t control it.” (Jay Shetty, 39:34)
• This inner adaptability remains vital for handling life’s unpredictability.

Creative Reset: The 30 Circles Test (41:35)

[Prompt for advice to marketers and creatives]

• The Exercise: Fill 30 circles in 30 seconds—kids see possibilities, adults default to logic.
  • Lesson: “The human brain has become so logical… by the time we get 20, 25, 30… we hear 30 circles, 30 seconds, task done.”
• Key advice: Reclaim childlike eyes—see with curiosity, break habitual patterns, and unlock fresh creativity.
  • Quote: “How can you start looking at your life and your role through the fresh eyes of a child?” (Jay Shetty, 44:46)

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “Stop firing that second arrow at yourself.” — Jay Shetty (09:05)
• “Make a list of every hard thing you’ve been through. It will only make you more confident and courageous.” (08:35)
• “What if compassion could go viral? What if empathy could go viral?” (17:12)
• “Audio feels like you’re on a phone call with someone… so intimate… so vulnerable.” (21:55)
• “It’s soul plus AI. It’s not AI… Art imitating reality is all we have, and… AI can’t do that yet.” (27:10)
• “Everything feels like a 10 when you don’t really look at the scale…” (31:08)
• “We try and trade time when no one wants time, they want presence.” (34:25)
• “Learning adaptability and flexibility can be a really important skill to help us deal with when things don’t go to plan.” (39:59)
• “How can you start looking at your life and your role through the fresh eyes of a child?” (44:46)

Key Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|----------------------------------------------| | 04:28 | Jay’s beginnings: from monk to podcaster | | 07:08 | Reframing adversity & the second arrow | | 10:41 | Jay’s methods for recovering & staying well | | 15:19 | The mission of making wisdom go viral | | 21:41 | The unique intimacy of audio podcasting | | 25:06 | Navigating the rise of AI in creative work | | 30:14 | The 0–10 rule for saying “no” without guilt | | 38:05 | Biggest lesson from living as a monk | | 41:35 | The 30 Circles Test & unleashing creativity |

Takeaways & Action Steps

• Stop self-sabotaging adversity: List past difficulties and release negative interpretations.
• Create your own 0–10 urgency scale: Learn to say “no” to maintain long-term wellness and true value in service.
• Prioritize deep presence over time spent: Real connection and help come from focus, not quantity.
• Feed your soul—seek mentors and accept inspiration from others.
• Reignite your creativity: Approach problem-solving with curiosity and a child’s perspective.
• Balance technology with soul: Use AI, but keep human authenticity and lived experience at the center of your work.

This episode is ideal for anyone feeling overwhelmed by people-pleasing, seeking to set healthier boundaries, or looking to reignite creativity and resilience—infused with Jay’s signature warmth, humility, and actionable wisdom.