On Purpose with Jay Shetty: Episode Summary
Episode Title: Feeling Unsupported, Misunderstood, or Doubted? You Are Not Alone! (THIS 7-Step Method Will Help Silence the Self Doubt And Build REAL Confidence)
Release Date: July 4, 2025
Host: Jay Shetty
Podcast: On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Description: Jay Shetty invites listeners into conversations and workshops designed to enhance happiness, health, and healing. Through interviews with experts, celebrities, and thought leaders, the podcast aims to help listeners grow their mindset, build better habits, and uncover unseen aspects of themselves.
Introduction
In this empowering episode, Jay Shetty addresses a common struggle many face: feeling unsupported, misunderstood, or doubted by those around us. He shares personal anecdotes and scientific insights to provide a comprehensive 7-step method aimed at silencing self-doubt and building genuine confidence.
1. Stop Seeking Support. Start Creating Proof
Understanding the False Consensus Effect
Jay begins by exploring the False Consensus Effect, a cognitive bias where individuals overestimate how much others share their beliefs and understand their ideas.
- Key Insight: "Just because it's clear to you doesn't mean it's clear to others." [04:10]
Practical Steps:
- Create Tangible Proof: Instead of seeking validation, produce something that demonstrates your idea's viability—be it a sample, demo, or pilot project.
- Shift Focus: Move from trying to convince others to proving your capabilities through action.
Notable Quote:
"Instead of expecting everyone to agree, get curious, ask more, listen better, explain smarter." [06:30]
2. Understand Rejection is Usually Protection
Psychological Projection Explained
Rejection often stems from others' fears, insecurities, or past experiences, not from your idea's merit.
- Key Insight: "The reason someone says no to you is more likely that someone said no to them." [11:00]
Practical Steps:
- Detach Rejection from Personal Worth: Recognize that rejection reflects others' limitations, not your potential.
- Reflect on Their Motivations: Understand that their concerns about security or stability are about them, not you.
Notable Quote:
"Their projection is not a prediction of your potential. It is simply a mirror of their past." [11:59]
3. Build a Belief Battery from Strangers
The Power of Neutral Support
Strangers can often be more supportive of your new ventures than friends or family because they are free from preconceived notions.
- Key Insight: "Your audience might not come from your past. It's waiting in your future." [22:58]
Insights from Adam Grant:
- Strangers don't anchor your identity to your past, allowing them to see the potential in your present actions and ideas.
Practical Steps:
- Engage with Like-minded Individuals Online: Comment, share, and connect with people already involved in your field.
- Leverage Neutral Support: Let strangers become your new supporters who appreciate your current efforts without bias.
Notable Quote:
"If you've not seen 10,000 people in one place show up for you, think about that for a second." [16:34]
4. Create Before You're Confident
The Competence-Confidence Loop
Action breeds confidence, not the other way around. Taking steps forward, even imperfectly, builds competence and subsequently, self-belief.
- Key Insight: "Confidence is a result of experience, not a requirement to begin." [29:15]
Scientific Backing:
- Albert Bandura's Self-Efficacy Theory: Confidence grows from mastery experiences and observing others' successes.
Practical Steps:
- Take Micro Actions: Start with small, manageable tasks that move your idea forward.
- Embrace Imperfection: Understand that initial efforts may be messy, but they are crucial for building confidence.
Notable Quote:
"Choose one small action that represents your idea. Launch the first draft. Post the first video. Offer the first service." [31:20]
5. Make Failure Public
Embracing Vulnerability for Trust
Sharing your risks and potential failures openly builds trust and garners support from others who see your authenticity.
- Key Insight: "People don't want perfect, they want authentic." [34:23]
Benefits of Public Vulnerability:
- Increased Trust: Honesty about your journey attracts respect, even if not everyone understands your vision.
- Reduced Pressure: Soft launches and admitting potential setbacks alleviate the pressure of perfection.
Practical Steps:
- Own Your Risks: Publicly acknowledge what might not work and commit to the journey regardless.
- Engage Your Audience: Invite others to join your process, creating a supportive community around your efforts.
Notable Quote:
"It's heart to heart. It's human to human." [34:23]
6. Don't Try to Prove People Wrong. Focus on Proving Yourself Right
Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation
Pursuing goals based on personal meaning leads to lasting success, whereas aiming to prove others wrong often results in resentment.
- Key Insight: "Purpose driven success builds confidence, helps you understand your potential, and creates passion." [34:45]
Understanding Motivation:
- Intrinsic Motivation: Driven by personal values and passions, leading to sustainable effort.
- Extrinsic Motivation: Fueled by the desire to gain approval or revenge, which is less enduring.
Practical Steps:
- Write a Personal Mission Statement: Define your goals based on what you truly care about, not on others' expectations.
- Anchor Yourself: Keep your mission statement visible to remind yourself of your intrinsic motivations.
Notable Quote:
"You're not doing this to make them look bad. You're doing this to find what you care about." [35:30]
7. Cultivate Confidence Through Action
Building Confidence with Evidence
Confidence arises from accumulating evidence of your abilities through continuous action and small successes.
- Key Insight: "Confidence doesn't require perfection, it requires evidence." [30:50]
Components of Confidence:
- Choosing Discomfort: Stepping out of your comfort zone enhances growth.
- Keeping Promises to Yourself: Upholding commitments strengthens self-trust.
- Building Competence: Gaining skills and knowledge reinforces your belief in your capabilities.
Practical Steps:
- Take Consistent Action: Regularly engage in tasks that push your boundaries.
- Document Your Journey: Keep track of your progress to visualize your growth and reinforce confidence.
Notable Quote:
"Choose discomfort builds confidence. Keeping promises to yourself builds confidence. And building competence builds confidence." [32:00]
Conclusion
Jay Shetty's episode serves as a comprehensive guide for anyone feeling unsupported or doubted. By understanding cognitive biases, embracing rejection as protection, leveraging support from strangers, taking action to build confidence, being openly vulnerable, focusing on intrinsic motivations, and consistently acting to build self-evidence, listeners are equipped with practical tools to overcome self-doubt and cultivate genuine confidence.
Final Inspiring Thoughts:
"Back yourself loud, quietly, relentlessly, even if no one else does. And remember, I'm always rooting for you and I'm forever in your corner." [36:50]
Key Takeaways
- Action Over Validation: Prioritize creating proof over seeking approval.
- Rejection Reflects Others: Understand that rejection often mirrors others' limitations.
- Stranger Support is Powerful: Build a support network beyond your immediate circle.
- Confidence is Earned: Take action first to cultivate self-belief.
- Vulnerability Builds Trust: Share your journey openly to attract genuine support.
- Intrinsic Motivation Sustains Success: Focus on personal meaning rather than proving others wrong.
- Consistent Action Builds Confidence: Regularly engage in tasks that reinforce your capabilities.
Additional Resources:
- Albert Bandura’s Self-Efficacy Theory: For deeper understanding of confidence-building.
- Adam Grant’s Research on Organizational Psychology: Insights on support dynamics.
Recommendations: If you found this episode valuable, consider listening to Jay’s conversation with Meghan Trainor on breaking generational trauma and building inner confidence or explore the inspiring stories shared by the Johnson family on a recent Disney Cruise.
Support the Podcast: If this episode resonated with you, share it with friends, leave a review, and follow On Purpose with Jay Shetty to continue your journey towards a happier, healthier, and more confident self.