If Your Life Hasn’t Gone to Plan — This is For YOU! (6 Step Framework To Take Back Control and Build The Life You Want!)

Summary

Podcast Summary: "If Your Life Hasn’t Gone to Plan — This is For YOU! (6 Step Framework To Take Back Control and Build The Life You Want!)"

Podcast Information:

• Title: On Purpose with Jay Shetty
• Host: Jay Shetty, presented by iHeartPodcasts
• Description: Jay Shetty invites listeners into conversations and workshops aimed at fostering happiness, health, and healing. By interviewing experts, celebrities, and thought leaders, the podcast focuses on mindset growth, habit-building, and uncovering unseen facets of guests. New episodes air every Monday and Friday.

Episode Overview: Released on June 13, 2025, this episode addresses listeners who feel their lives have deviated from their intended path. Jay Shetty provides a six-step, science-backed framework to help individuals regain control, rebuild their mindset, and create the life they desire despite unexpected turns.

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Introduction: Embracing Unplanned Journeys ([02:29] - [03:50])

Jay Shetty begins by acknowledging the common feeling of life not going as planned. He emphasizes that feeling stuck or deviated does not equate to failure but rather signals the beginning of a new and potentially enriching chapter. Shetty sets the stage for introducing six steps to help listeners navigate these unexpected changes.

Notable Quote:

"You feeling stuck right now is not the end. This is where we rewrite that narrative."
— Jay Shetty [03:10]

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Step 1: Pause the Inner Critic and Activate the Observer ([05:00] - [08:30])

Shetty explains the concept of the inner critic versus the inner observer. Drawing from his experience as a monk, he differentiates between the loud, certain negative voices and the quiet, curious intuition within us. He encourages listeners to identify and name these voices to better understand and manage them.

Key Points:

• Inner Critic: Loud, certain, negative (e.g., "You’ll look like a fool.")
• Intuition: Quiet, curious, supportive (e.g., "Maybe you should try that out.")
• Naming these voices helps in distinguishing and addressing them effectively.
• Listening more to intuition diminishes the impact of the inner critic.

Notable Quote:

"The inner critic is certain and loud. The intuition is quiet and curious."
— Jay Shetty [06:45]

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Step 2: Let Go of the Control Illusion ([09:00] - [13:15])

Shetty discusses the human desire for control and how rigid planning can lead to resistance when life doesn't follow the intended path. He shares personal anecdotes illustrating how unscripted moments often lead to the most meaningful experiences, encouraging flexibility and openness to unexpected opportunities.

Key Points:

• The control illusion creates resistance against unplanned events.
• Best life moments are often unplanned and spontaneous.
• Acceptance of unpredictability can lead to unexpected and fulfilling experiences.
• Research Insight: Dr. Ellen Langer's studies show that accepting uncertainty reduces anxiety and improves performance.

Notable Quote:

"What’s meant for you won't need force. Just focus on controlling your next step, not the whole story."
— Jay Shetty [11:30]

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Step 3: Reframe Failure as Redirection ([13:30] - [16:00])

Shetty encourages listeners to view failures not as dead-ends but as redirections towards better paths. By reframing setbacks as valuable information rather than personal deficiencies, individuals can maintain motivation and continue progressing without being bogged down by shame.

Key Points:

• Failure is perceived by the brain as a threat, triggering fear responses.
• High performers reframe setbacks as learning opportunities.
• Thomas Edison’s Perspective: "I didn’t fail 9,000, 999 times. I just found 9,000,999 ways that didn’t work."
• Adopting this mindset shifts focus from personal failure to growth.

Notable Quote:

"Reframe setbacks as information, not identity."
— Jay Shetty [14:50]

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Step 4: Use the Tiny Wins Framework ([16:15] - [18:45])

Shetty introduces the concept of tiny wins—small, manageable actions that build momentum and reinforce positive behaviors. Drawing from Harvard's progress principle, he highlights how micro-achievements can significantly boost confidence and motivation, especially during challenging times.

Key Points:

• Tiny Wins: Small steps that contribute to larger goals.
• They provide measurable progress, enhancing confidence.
• Examples include brainstorming for a failed business or enjoying one's own company after a breakup.
• Momentum from Movement: Continuous small actions foster progress more effectively than waiting for big breakthroughs.

Notable Quote:

"Momentum comes from movement, not miracles."
— Jay Shetty [17:30]

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Step 5: Expect the Plot Twist ([18:60] - [21:30])

Shetty advises listeners to anticipate and embrace unexpected changes, likening them to plot twists in a story. By maintaining psychological flexibility and viewing deviations as potential pathways to better outcomes, individuals can remain resilient and open to new possibilities.

Key Points:

• Consistency Misconception: True consistency involves variability, not rigidity.
• Happy individuals are often those who adapt and remain flexible.
• Viewing unplanned changes as part of a larger, positive narrative.
• Positive Psychology Research: Dr. Sonia Lyubomirsky highlights that flexibility correlates with long-term happiness.

Notable Quote:

"Sometimes the plan not working is the plan working."
— Jay Shetty [20:15]

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Step 6: Let Curiosity Lead You Forward ([21:45] - [22:33])

The final step emphasizes following one's curiosity rather than rushing into solutions when faced with disruptions. Curiosity fosters a deeper cognitive state linked to purpose and resilience, opening doors to opportunities and enabling personal growth.

Key Points:

• Replace the urge to fix problems immediately with exploratory curiosity.
• Research Insight: Dr. Mary Helen Immortino-Yang states that curiosity activates cognitive states tied to resilience.
• Encourages journaling and reflecting on past challenges that led to unforeseen growth.
• Emphasizes that life’s unpredictability can lead to building something better off-plan.

Notable Quote:

"What if this is the exact moment I was meant to reset?"
— Jay Shetty [22:00]

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Conclusion: Embracing Growth Over Perfection ([22:30] - End)

Jay Shetty wraps up by reinforcing that the journey's growth is more crucial than the original plan's outcome. He urges listeners to continue moving forward, embracing their humanity, and treating themselves with kindness and respect.

Final Thoughts:

• Growth Over Perfection: Focus on personal development rather than flawless execution.
• Self-Compassion: Speak to oneself with the same empathy used for others.
• Resilience: Acknowledge that challenges are part of the growth process.

Notable Quote:

"Growth sounds like kindness, not cruelty. You don’t get stronger by tearing yourself down."
— Jay Shetty [22:30]

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Key Takeaways:

1. Identify and Manage Inner Voices: Distinguish between your inner critic and intuition to foster a supportive internal dialogue.
2. Embrace Uncertainty: Let go of rigid control to open up to unexpected, often rewarding experiences.
3. Reframe Failures: View setbacks as learning opportunities to maintain motivation and personal growth.
4. Celebrate Tiny Wins: Utilize small, consistent actions to build momentum and reinforce positive changes.
5. Prepare for Plot Twists: Stay psychologically flexible to adapt to and embrace unforeseen changes.
6. Follow Curiosity: Let inquisitiveness guide you through challenges, leading to deeper resilience and purpose.

This episode provides a comprehensive framework for listeners feeling off-track, offering practical, research-backed strategies to reclaim control and navigate life's unpredictability with grace and confidence.

Transcript

[A]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[B]

This episode of On Purpose is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve. I believe that travel is one of the greatest gifts that we've ever been given, and Chase Sapphire Reserve has been my gateway to the world's most captivating destinations. When I use my Chase Sapphire Reserve card, I get three times points on travel and dining and even access to one of a kind experiences like music festivals and sports events. And that's not even mentioning how the card gets me into the Sapphire Lounge by the club at select airports nationwide. Travel is more rewarding with Chase Sapphire Reserve. Trust me. Discover [e-mail] Sapphire Reserve cards issued by JP Morgan Chase Bank NA member FDIC subject to credit approval terms apply. This week on Dear Chelsea with me, Chelsea Handler. Maren Morris is here. You came out of a marriage. You came out of quote unquote country music and you had a huge growth spurt.

[A]

From what I can tell, I was expanding and growing at a really fast pace. And yes, you could throw motherhood and the postpartum thing. Learning about myself, there were a lot of like, identity crises going on, but I realized like I, I can't look back and slow down for people.

[B]

Listen to Dear Chelsea on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[A]

I found out I was related to.

[B]

The guy that I was dating.

[A]

I don't feel emotions correctly. I collect my roommates, toenails and fingernails. Those were some callers from my call in Podcast Therapy Gecko. It's a show where I take phone calls from anonymous strangers as a fake gecko therapist and try to learn a little bit about their lives. I know that's a weird concept, but I promise it's very interesting. Check it out for yourself by searching for Therapy gecko on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[B]

Stop trying to control everything. Not everything broken needs you to fix it. You'll burn out before life slows down. Stop treating peace like a project. It's not something you earn, it's something you allow. And stop gripping the future so hard you're crushing the present. The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Shetty.

[A]

Jay Shetty.

[B]

The one, the only Jay Shetty. Hey everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose. Thank you so much for tuning back into the podcast. If you haven't subscribed already, make sure you click the button below. Subscribe so that you never miss a video. Now, today's episode is for anyone who's ever looked at their life and Thought this is not how it was supposed to go. This is not the plan. This is not how I imagined it to be. And I'm sure so many of you can relate to that. This is not what you wanted. This is not what you desired. This is not what you wished for. And you're feeling stuck. Maybe you didn't get the job, maybe the relationship ended. Maybe you're nowhere near where you thought you'd be by now. If you feel stuck, if you feel lost, if you feel confused, this episode is for you. And before we dive in, I want you to hear this clearly. That doesn't mean you failed. It just means you're in the part of the story you didn't plan for. And sometimes that's where the real story begins. I want you to recognize that you feeling stuck right now is not the end. You feeling stuck right now is not a failure. You feeling stuck right now is not where the story finishes by you being here right now. This is where we rewrite that narrative. It's where you make that shift, and it's where you feel the switch in your life. If you follow what I'm about to share in this episode, you will actually be able to reclaim ownership over your own life, over your own mind, and move in the direction that you want. And actually, even better, that's what I want you to understand today, that the position you're in right now may not be where you want to be, but it can be the launchpad of something even better. So today I want to walk you through six science backed steps to rebuild your mindset when life takes a turn you didn't expect. Let's get into it. Step one is learning to pause the inner critic and activate the observer. This is an idea that I learned about during my time as a monk in recognizing the different voices that exist in our mind. There's the voice that's always loud. There's the voice that's always certain. And then there's that quiet observer. Now, a lot of people ask me this question, Jay. How do I know the difference between my inner critic and my intuition? How do I know the difference between my mind and my intuition? Right? It can be hard. It can feel like there are a lot of voices. The. There are a lot of noises going on inside your mind. How do you decipher? How do you make sense of it? Here's what I've learned. Your mind is certain and loud, right? It will say to you, don't do that. You'll look like a fool. Don't do that at work, everyone will see it. Don't speak up because you might say something stupid. It's loud and it's certain. But the intuition is quiet and it's curious. Hey, maybe you should try that out. Hey, you know what? I think you might be really good at that. Why don't we follow it? Hey, you know what? You have a really good idea. Everyone may not get it, but it's worth sharing it. Take a moment to notice the different voices that exist within you. Your inner critic is certain and loud. You will look like a fool. You're a failure. You got it wrong. You're not good enough. You're not smart enough. You're not pretty enough. Very certain, very loud. The intuition says, I feel like I like this. I think I'm passionate about this. I think I'm excited about this. In a difficult position. It says, I think we might get out of this if we try this. But the inner critic says, no, don't try it. It's not worth your time. It's a waste of time. You're just stuck. So here's what I want you to think about. The more you listen to that quiet, to that curious inner voice, the less you'll be affected by that loud, certain noise of. Of the mind. The reason why the intuition has got so quiet is because it's been ignored. What happens to you when you feel like a friend isn't paying you attention? You shut down, you get quiet. You don't make as much noise. That's what's happened to our intuition. It's faded into the background. It's taken the passenger seat. Sometimes from the back of the car, it may whisper, hey, take a left. Hey, take a right. Try this out. But the more we listen to it, the stronger that voice becomes, the more confidence it gains. So it's really important, first of all, to know the difference between your inner critic and your mind. And I would even give them a name, give them a personality, so you know the difference, right? The reason why we know which friends are good for us and which aren't is because we remember their name. We remember what they look like. The problem is the voices in our head don't have a face. The voices in our head don't have a personality. We have to create one for them. So choose a name for your mind that feels like it's nagging you, forcing you to do what's right. A name that feels like that. And then choose a name for your intuition. That good friend, that deep friend, that sincere, genuine person who really wants to help you. Who really wants to make a difference in your your life. The next thing we have to do is learn to speak to ourselves with the kindness and the empathy we would use to speak to someone we love. Something I've noticed about high performing people, having sat down with so many now, is that they have two traits. They are high standards and high grace. High standards make sense. They want to be the best. They want to push themselves, they want to drive, they want to succeed in business, in their career, in their passion, in their purpose. And we should all have high standards. If we don't demand high standards of ourselves, we will shrink to very low expectations of others. Think about that for a second. If you don't set high standards for yourself, you will shrink to the low expectations of. Of others. But here's the most important part. Everyone who has high standards, who achieves them, has high grace. The ability to recognize that actually guilt blocks growth. Shame doesn't lead to change. I won't shift myself by guilting myself. I won't become better by making myself feel bad for for too long. It may work in the short term. There's an amazing speech by Roger Federer where he talked about how when he's playing a point, it is the most important point in the world. But when that point is over, whether he won or lost, that point is the least important point in the world. That is the difference between. Between high standards and also having high grace. When you're playing the point when you're in the moment, you take it seriously. When you lose, when things don't go to plan, when things don't go in the way you imagined they weren't that important. Remember this. Stop saying mean things to yourself you'd never say to someone else. Stop being critical in your head just because no one else is can hear it. Stop believing your worst thoughts just because they're loud. Stop mistaking your inner critic for your inner truth. Start listening to how you speak to yourself. Because no one lives in your head more than you do. It's natural. I get it. When life doesn't go to plan, the first instinct is to blame. And mostly toward ourselves. I should have known better. I should have done more. But here's what research from self compassion expert Dr. Kristin Nelf shows. Self judgment in moments of failure increases cortisol. Think about that for a second. Self judgment in moments of failure increases cortisol. It decreases motivation and keeps you stuck in shame. How many times have you done that? You make a mistake and now you're beating yourself up about it. Not just in the morning when you look in the mirror, but at night before your head hits the pillow. You're constantly replaying that moment you messed up at work. Maybe you weren't the perfect parent today. And all of a sudden you've gone from wanting to be the perfect parent to believing you're the worst parent of all time. Your motivation decreases, your cortisol increases and it keeps you stuck in shame. You can't shift from shame. So what helps instead? Mindful self observation. It's the shift from I messed up to interesting. They just didn't go how I thought. Stop saying I'm not good enough. You're not lazy. You're drained from carrying what no one sees. You're not falling behind. You're healing in a world that rewards burnout. You're not the problem. The pressure is you're not unmotivated. You're tired of pretending you're fine. You're not lost, you're just not on someone else's timeline. And you're not stuck. You're processing. And that counts. Step number two, let go of the control illusion. One of the reasons why we don't like it when things don't go to plan is we wanted everything perfectly controlled. We had everything mapped out. Maybe you had a color coded spreadsheet. Right, and you wanted everything to happen exactly how it was mapped out. That control illusion creates so much resistance in our life. Sometimes the things you can't plan for or control and are really big and hard. And sometimes they happen in the most beautiful way. Have you ever noticed how the best parts of a trip or moments in life are never the ones you actually planned? I think about this one time. Radhi and I had everything mapped out. Full schedule. That's how I like to function. But someone casually invited us to this gathering. No real dress code, no plan, no agenda. We showed up and it turned into one of the most meaningful nights of the year. No cameras, no expectations, just connection. The kind of night where you forget to check your phone because you're so into it. And then there was another time. I was in la, completely exhausted. A friend texted me last minute, come to this dinner. I almost said no, but I went. And I ended up in a backyard eating amazing food, having a live stand up comedy show surrounded by people I'd never met who somehow felt like old friends. That moment wasn't supposed to happen. I didn't plan it. But it stayed with me. It shifted something. That's the kind of travel and moments I crave. Not just the sights or the luxury, but those rare, unexpected experiences that wake you up a little. We all chase destinations, but what we're really chasing is that spark, that aliveness. And when a door opens to something like that, whether it's a private dinner, a behind the scenes moment, or something you couldn't have found on your own, I'm saying yes every time because in the end it's not about where you went, it's about how it made you feel. I'm excited to continue this conversation, but first a word from our sponsors. Unforgettable Adventures with Chase Sapphire Whether you're booking a much needed weekend getaway or or your next grand adventure, Chase Sapphire Reserve is your ultimate travel companion. Let's talk about the experiences that made those travels unforgettable. Sometimes the most incredible part of a trip isn't just the place, but the unique experiences you get to be a part of. From private dinners with award winning chefs to VIP access to the world's most exclusive events, Chase Sapphire Reserve brings you those once in a lifetime opportunities that turn ordinary trips into extraordinary ones. You know those moments where you find yourself at the best event in town or you're enjoying a rare one on one experience with a creator or culinary artist. That's the kind of thing Chase Sapphire Reserve opens up. Imagine a night where you're not just a guest, but part of something special. Where every moment is tailored to be memorable. What I love about it is that it's not just about getting access, it's about creating memories that stay with you forever. Whether you're enjoying a top tier concert, a private gallery tour, or even a behind the scenes look at an exclusive event, these experiences are what makes travel feel magical. And with Chase Sapphire Reserve, those moments are more accessible than ever before. Curious about how you can gain access to these incredible experiences? Head over to Chase.com for more forward slash Sapphire Reserve to learn more. Your gateway to the world's most captivating destinations and unforgettable experiences. Let Chase Sapphire Reserve be your passport to adventure. I often say to people, you get to where you want in life, just not in the way you imagine it. The problem with the control illusion is you have an image you're projecting here and reality is happening down here. And when reality doesn't match your imagination, you think there's something wrong with reality as opposed to realizing that in reality you may get to the result of your imagination, but not through the path of your imagination. So many people don't get to where they want because the path looks different. To what they imagined. Don't give up on your goal because the path looks different. Don't give up on the result because your road looks different. The path, the road, the journey to where you want to go is definitely going to look different to what you planned. I'm certain of that. There is no one in the history of the world who got to where they want to in love, relationships, or their career in exactly the way they planned. They will all tell you there were pivots, there were detours, there were reroutes, there were even full on U turns. But the control illusion trips each and every one of us up. Don't let the control illusion be the reason you don't get to where you want. The control illusion says, well, if it doesn't happen my way, I don't want it. Well, if this is not happening, if this isn't the sign I'm being shown, then nothing works. And what ends up happening is something amazing could be happening for you, but you miss it. It's almost like imagine you're knocking on a door and you're waiting for it to open. And while you're knocking on that door, three other doors open for you. But you're so busy knocking on this door and wondering why it doesn't open that you miss out on the three other doors that were waiting for you to walk through them. We all do this in our life. We're so busy knocking on this door endlessly that we don't turn around to look at the one that's open inviting us. I have seen in my life time and time again that often the doors I want to open don't open immediately. And if I would have stayed in that position, that's how I stay stuck. If you feel stuck right now, it's because you're stuck waiting for one door to open, right? Rather than realizing there are three others that are inviting you in right now. That's why we feel stuck. We're waiting on the doorstep going, when will this door open? And you could be waiting seven years. And the door may open in seven years, but you don't know. So you stay stuck. You feel stuck. But hey, if you walked into the other door, you could come back out and move into that door in seven years. It will work out. Stop trying to control everything. Not everything broken needs you to fix it. Stop trying to outrun uncertainty. You'll burn out before life slows down. Stop managing everyone's emotions like it's your full time job. Stop treating peace like a project. It's not something you earn, it's something you allow. And stop waiting for life to make sense. It rarely does in real time. And stop gripping the future so hard you're crushing the present. What's meant for you won't need force. Just focus. One of the biggest reasons we spiral when plans fall apart is because of illusion control. The belief we should be able to predict and manage everything. But studies from Dr. Ellen Langer at Harvard show that people who accept uncertainty actually experience less anxiety and better performance over time. You can't plan for every twist, but you can decide how you respond to it. The problem is when we try to plan for every twist, we try to be prepared for every pivot. And guess what? Even trying your best, it won't happen. So here's your reminder. Control the next step. Control your response, not the whole story. I'm sure you've reached places in your life that you never imagined. I'm sure you got over breakups and heartbreak you never imagined you would. This feeling you're having right now of being stuck, of feeling like life's not going to plan, may be what opens you up to a bigger plan. We all think our imagination's pretty good. But the universe's imagination far surpasses anything in this limited mind. Just think about the solar system, think about the planets, think about nature. Everything is taken care of and everything is provided for. It's only us that believe our imagination surpasses that of the universe. Don't compare your limited imagination to the limitless abundance of the universe. The universe has the ability to gift you more than you could ever imagine. You may think your vision is big, but the universe's is bigger. If you're willing to tap in and.

[A]

Tune in, shout out to my thicc thighs. We'll save lives. Clearly save lives. I'm a strong believer that there has to be at least one thick thigh in every relationship. Like, it's personally why I don't really go for guys who have the same body type as me. Because it's like playing a xylophone when you're cuddling. You know, bone on bone hurts. Wait a second. Yvie, that was the hottest thing you've ever said. Can we please acknowledge it's the realest? That was not the hottest thing thing you've ever said. Trust me. For me as the thickums one, yes, it was. Okay, okay, Touche. Thank you very much. You know, queers love to date people who look exactly like them. You know, everybody's looking for that twin drum. But I need somebody to balance me out, you know, I'll be their like weird massage chair in the back with all my knuckles and elbows and they'll be like my memory foam bed. You know, we balance. Honestly, the bigger the build, the better. I want to feel petite, please. I love a man with thighs. I love a man with arms. A little belly. I've been super into the little, like beefy boys right now with a little belly. You put that little belly out, that's what you supposed to have. High key. Listen to high key on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. A lot of times, the big economic forces we hear about on the news show up in our lives in small ways. Three or four days a week, I would buy two cups of banana pudding, but the price has gone up, so now I only buy one. The demand curve in action. And that's just one of the things we'll be covering on everybody's business. From Bloomberg Business Week, I'm Max Chavkin. And I'm Stacey Vanek Smith. Every Friday we will be diving into the biggest stories in business, taking a look at what's going on, why it matters, and how it shows up in our everyday lives. With guests like BusinessWeek editor Brad Stone, sports reporter Randall Williams, and consumer spending expert Amanda Mull. We'll take you inside the boardrooms, the back rooms, even the signal chats that make our economy tick. Hey, I want to learn about vechain. I want to buy some blockchain or whatever it is that they're doing. So listen to everybody's business on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What happens when we come face to face with death? My truck was blown up by a 20 pound anti tank mine. My parachute did not deploy. I was kidnapped by a drug cartel. I just remember everything getting dark. I'm dying. When we step beyond the edge of what we know, to open our consciousness.

[B]

To something more than just what's in that western box.

[A]

And we turn. I clinically died. The heart stopped beating, which I was dead for 11.5 minutes. My name is Dan Busch. My mission is simple. To find, explore and share these stories. I'm not a victim. I'm a survivor. You're strongest when you're the most vulnerable. To remind us what it means to be alive. Not just that I was the guy that cut his arm off, but I'm the guy who was smiling when he cut his arm off. Alive Again. A podcast about the fragility of life. The strength of the human spirit and what it means to truly live. Listen to Alive again on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[B]

Step number three is reframe failure as redirection. You are not a failure. You're someone who started. You're not lost. You're in between versions of yourself. You're not starting over. You're re entering with better instincts. You're not finished. But you're also not at the start. You're not off track. You're off autopilot. See, here's the reality. Your brain is wired to see failure as danger. The amygdala lights up, triggering a threat response. But when researchers at Columbia studied how high performers recover, they found a pattern. They reframed setbacks as information, not identity. Stop saying I failed. Try this instead. This is feedback I didn't ask for, but maybe I needed. This is information that will help me next time. Reframe. Well, maybe this isn't the right path for me to. Maybe it's just a long way. Maybe it's a different way. Thomas Edison famously said, I didn't fail 9,000, 999 times. I just found 9,000, 999 times that it didn't work. That's the shift. If you find the one way it works, do you care that you tried 99 times? I'm guessing not. So reframe each way to be okay. I just know it doesn't work this way. All right? I just know it doesn't work this way. This is just not the way it works. It works a different way. Let me be open to that. Step 4. Use the tiny wins framework. When your plan collapses, your sense of momentum often goes with it. So how do you rebuild it? Use something known as the progress principle from Harvard Business School. Tiny wins, even micro acts and create a measurable increase in confidence and motivation. There's a reason when you're growing up. As a kid, your parents would put lines on the wall to see how far you were growing. Because when you're close to something, you actually miss the growth, right? You may even see that in yourself. Maybe you started working out. Maybe you started walking 10,000 steps and someone sees you and they say, wow, I can tell you look healthier. I can tell you've been taking care of yourself. You're like, no way. I'm still, you know, I still want to lose or gain this weight. I still want to build this muscle. When you're figuring out things on your own up Close, you'll never feel like you're growing. And that's why we don't grow, because we're looking for the big wins, not the small ones. So here's a question. What's one small thing you can complete today that brings you closer to what matters? For example, let's say your business failed. Don't relaunch the whole brand. Start with a 20 minute brainstorm or reach out to one customer to get feedback. Maybe you're going through a breakup and instead of trying to find love and convince yourself that love still exists, you're just going to do something where you enjoy your own company. Momentum comes from movement, not miracles. Let me say that again. Momentum comes from movement, not miracles. While you're waiting for the big miracle, what will motivate you more is, is the small movement. Just start. Start small. Start shaky. Start unsure. Start before you're confident. Start before it makes sense. Start with what you have, not with what you wish you had. Start ugly. Start unprepared. Start imperfect. But make sure you start Step five. This time, expect the plot twist. What people don't realize is that as you start building, as you start growing, you start to think that everything's going to plan. And here's what I realize. So many of us are surprised by the plot twist that we shock ourselves into paralysis. I saw an amazing post the other day on social media and it showed two sets of water cups. The top water cups all had the equal amount of water in them. And on top it said, this is what we think consistency looks like. On the second line of water cups, one was half full, one was three quarters full, one was a quarter full. And it said, this is what consistency actually looks like. We think when we're in the zone, every day is going to be the same. I'm going to work out five days a week, every week for 12 months. The reality is, one week you may work out three times, the next seven times, the next four times, the next two times, the next five times. That's what consistency actually looks like. But when you hold on to that plan of five days a week, perfect workouts, you actually feel further and further away from it. Expect the plot twist. According to positive psychology research by Dr. Sonia Lyubomirsky, people who are happier long term tend to be more psychologically flexible. They can hold multiple truths at once. So, for example, stop saying this wasn't the plan. Try thinking this wasn't the plan, but it might be part of something better. This is the shift we need to make. This wasn't the plan, but this might lead to something better. All of a sudden, the neural pathways of opportunities open up in your mind. All of a sudden you see the possibilities, not just the pain. You're not negating, you're not disregarding what you're feeling. There can be grief, there can be stress, but you're opening up this vision. Think of the best people you admire, the ones with depth, character, soul. None of them got there without a plot twist. As the famous saying goes, sometimes the plan not working is the plan working. Sometimes things going wrong is actually them going right. Sometimes things that look like a curse end up being the blessing. If you are open to see it, if you're open to view it, if you're open to the possibilities and opportunities. And step number six, Let curiosity lead you forward. When things fall apart, don't rush to the next big fix. Instead, follow curiosity. Research from neuroscientist Dr. Mary Helen is Immortino Yang shows that curiosity activates a deeper cognitive state tied to purpose and resilience. When you ask what if? Instead of what now? You open doors instead of closing them. Journal about this Think of a time in your life where you were convinced it was the end, it was a failure, and it was the worst thing that could have happened to you, and how it became an opportunity for something you never imagined. That's what's amazing. When things don't go to plan, you get the opportunity to build off plan. When things don't go as you imagined, things can actually turn out better than you could have ever thought of. Open your mind to that. Reflect on this. What if this is the exact moment I was meant to reset? So I get it. Life hasn't gone to plan lately. And it's the worst. It's hard, it's tough, it's difficult. But remember this. The plan was never the point. The growth was and the goal was. You don't need to know what comes next. You just need to know that this is not the end. This is the part where you choose how the story continues. Thank you so much for listening. If this helped you share it with someone. Who else is in there, in between? And remember, sometimes this is what it takes. I want you to remember. You'll get to where you want in life, just not in the way you imagined it. You don't have to give up on the goal. You just have to focus on the growth. I'll catch you in the next episode. Leave a comment. Let me know which journaling prompt you're doing what you're reflecting on. I want to see what's connecting with you, what you're engaging with. And remember, keep moving. You're not lazy. You're tired. You're not behind. You're human. Not every thought is truth. Some are just noise. Not every voice in your head deserves a microphone. You've survived every hard day so far. You're allowed to speak to yourself with respect. Growth sounds like kindness, not cruelty. You don't get stronger by tearing yourself down. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Daniel Amen on how to change your life by changing your brain. If we want a healthy mind, it actually starts with a healthy brain. You know, I've had the blessing or the curse to scan over a thousand.

[A]

Convicted felons and over 100 murderers.

[B]

And their brains are very damaged.

[A]

High Key Looking for your next obsession? Listen to High Key, a new weekly podcast hosted by Ben o' Keefe, Ryan Mitchell and I, Yvie. Oddly, we got a lot of things to get into. We're gonna gush about the random stuff we can't stop thinking about. I am High Key going to lose my mind over all things Cowboy Carter. I know girl. The way she about to yank my bank account.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

And one thing I really love about this is that she is celebrating her daughters. Oh, I know. Listen to High key on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. What happens when we come face to face with death? My truck was blown up by a 20 pound anti tank mine. My parachute did not deploy. I was kidnapped by a drug cartel. When we step beyond the edge of what we know, I clinically died. The heart stopped beating which I was.

[B]

Dead for 11.5 minutes.

[A]

In return, it's a miracle I was brought back. Alive Again. A podcast about the strength of the human spirit. Listen to Alive Again on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The Made for this Mountain podcast exists to empower listeners to rise above their inner struggles and face the mountain in front of them. So during Mental Health Awareness Month, tune into the podcast, focus on your emotional well being and then climb that mountain. You will never be able to change or grow through the thing that you refuse to identify. The thing that you refuse to say. Hey, this is my mountain.

[B]

This is the struggle.

[A]

Listen to Made for this mountain on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart podcast.