Podcast Summary: "If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)"

Podcast Information:

• Title: On Purpose with Jay Shetty
• Host/Author: iHeartPodcasts
• Episode Title: If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
• Release Date: May 28, 2025

Introduction

In this poignant episode of "On Purpose with Jay Shetty," host Jay Shetty engages in a heartfelt conversation with Megan Roxanne, a first-generation British Trinidadian entrepreneur, author, and speaker. Megan discusses her acclaimed book, "How to Stop Breaking Your Heart," delving deep into themes of people-pleasing, self-forgiveness, and the transformative power of setting healthy boundaries.

Guest Introduction and Background

Megan Roxanne shares her journey of building a motivational community online, highlighting the inception of The Good Quote. She recalls how Jay Shetty's support was instrumental in her early success:

Megan Roxanne [03:15]: "I remember coming across The Good Quote and sending a DM asking for support. Your kindness gave me my first breakthrough on Instagram."

Jay Shetty’s Personal Journey: Overcoming People-Pleasing

Jay opens up about his struggle with people-pleasing, emphasizing the necessity of putting oneself first for mental well-being and genuine connections.

Jay Shetty [04:11]: "I stopped people pleasing when I realized the people that I was trying to please were not trying to reciprocate that energy to me."

He elaborates on how lacking boundaries led to emotional depletion, contrasting his experiences with those around him who maintained healthy limits.

Jay Shetty [04:13]: "If I asked them to do what they're asking me, they would say no. No, it's because of their boundary."

The Power of Forgiveness and Setting Boundaries

Megan and Jay delve into the profound impact of forgiveness in healing emotional wounds. Jay recounts his childhood trauma when his grandfather told him he didn't love him, a moment that left a lasting scar.

Jay Shetty [05:57]: "I was robbed of innocence during that time. It's not an emotion that a child should have to feel."

Megan probes deeper into Jay's journey of caring for his grandfather, who had been emotionally abusive. Jay emphasizes that forgiveness was key to his healing process:

Jay Shetty [10:16]: "My mother's last lesson was for me to care for my grandfather so I can understand the power of forgiveness."

He describes how setting boundaries not only protected his mental health but also transformed his relationship with his grandfather in his final years.

Jay Shetty [15:59]: "Enforcing my boundaries came very quickly... If they respect and honor me, they will ensure that the environment is healthy and safe."

Understanding People-Pleasing vs. Genuine Happiness for Others

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around distinguishing between people-pleasing and fostering genuine happiness in others without self-sacrifice.

Jay Shetty [20:03]: "You do not control somebody's happiness. It doesn't matter if you give them everything they want, there's going to be another factor in their lives that will implicate their ability to be completely happy."

Megan echoes this sentiment, advocating for creating positive environments rather than obsessively trying to please individuals.

Megan Roxanne [24:46]: "If you're spot on that if we spent more time curating energy that we emanate... we're leaving it up to everyone else."

Reconnecting with Your Intuition

The duo explores the crucial role of intuition in personal decision-making and maintaining emotional health. Jay shares his practices for strengthening his intuition, such as fasting and journaling.

Jay Shetty [42:24]: "Develop a relationship with your intuition... it has to develop trust with you."

Megan provides actionable advice for listeners who have lost touch with their inner voice, emphasizing the importance of solitude and self-communication.

Megan Roxanne [58:26]: "How do I start doing this? How would you guide them?"

Jay responds with practical steps to reconnect, including removing distractions, engaging in daily walks without headphones, and journaling thoughts.

Jay Shetty [56:05]: "Start removing your distractions... communicate with yourself. Ask yourself questions just like you would ask someone else."

Coping with Loss and Grieving

One of the most emotionally charged segments discusses Jay’s personal experience with grief, having lost his mother, father, and multiple close family members to COVID-19 and other causes between 2020 and 2021.

Jay Shetty [63:37]: "I lost 16 people to COVID... It was really hard operating with a broken heart."

He recounts the challenges of caring for his ailing mother, managing his own mental health, and the profound impact of loss on his identity and purpose.

Jay Shetty [83:06]: "If you're dealing with a parent who is passing away, preserve as much of the memories you can because that's the only thing that keeps you going."

Megan highlights the importance of community support during such times, drawing parallels to their own experiences of loss and healing.

Megan Roxanne [83:53]: "Everything in nature grows only where it's vulnerable. So a tree doesn't grow where it's hard and thick, does it? It goes where it's soft and green and vulnerable."

Practical Guidance for Listeners

Towards the end of the episode, Megan and Jay offer concrete strategies for listeners to overcome people-pleasing tendencies and reconnect with their inner selves:

1. Remove Distractions: Reduce external stimuli to create space for internal dialogue.
2. Establish Daily Practices: Engage in activities like walking, journaling, and fasting to strengthen intuition.
3. Set and Enforce Boundaries: Prioritize self-respect and mental health by maintaining clear personal limits.
4. Seek Support: Lean on community, therapy, and meaningful relationships to navigate grief and personal growth.

Notable Quotes

• Jay Shetty [04:11]: "I stopped people pleasing when I realized the people that I was trying to please were not trying to reciprocate that energy to me."

• Jay Shetty [10:16]: "My mother's last lesson was for me to care for my grandfather so I can understand the power of forgiveness."

• Megan Roxanne [24:46]: "If you're spot on that if we spent more time curating energy that we emanate... we're leaving it up to everyone else."

• Jay Shetty [56:05]: "Start removing your distractions... communicate with yourself. Ask yourself questions just like you would ask someone else."

• Jay Shetty [63:37]: "I lost 16 people to COVID... It was really hard operating with a broken heart."

Conclusion

This episode of "On Purpose with Jay Shetty" is a compelling exploration of the struggles and triumphs associated with people-pleasing, setting boundaries, and healing from profound loss. Through candid storytelling and practical advice, Jay and Megan offer listeners valuable insights into fostering self-respect, nurturing intuition, and building authentic connections. Whether grappling with personal boundaries or navigating the depths of grief, this episode serves as a beacon of hope and guidance for those seeking to lead a more purposeful and emotionally balanced life.

For more insights and detailed discussions, listen to the full episode here.