Podcast Summary: On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Episode: Jay & Radhi Talk About Why Men Feel So Lonely
Release Date: November 8, 2025

Episode Overview

In this open, candid conversation, Jay Shetty and his wife, Radhi Devlukia, dive into the growing epidemic of male loneliness. Drawing on statistics, cultural observations, and personal stories, the episode explores why so many men in modern society struggle to form deep, meaningful friendships and how societal norms, emotional conditioning, and shifting expectations contribute to these challenges. Jay and Radhi reflect on their own experiences and offer practical guidance for men—and women—seeking genuine connection, community, and emotional well-being.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Statistics Behind Male Loneliness (02:40–05:07)

• A “friendship recession” among men:
  • 15% of US men reported having no close friends in 2021, up from 3% in 1990.
  • Only 13% have 10+ close friends, down from 33% in 1990.
  • 1 in 4 US men under 35 report feeling lonely, with American men ranking lonelier than those in other developed nations.
• Loneliness was labeled a “national epidemic” by US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy in 2023.

“Men are really speaking about it, but we’re just not listening.” – Radhi (05:30)

2. The Gender Divide in Social Connection (05:34–07:52)

• Activity vs. talking:
  • Men often connect while doing activities (sports, drinking, going to the gym) which rarely allows for emotional conversations.
  • Women frequently bond over activities that inherently create space for talking (coffee, getting nails done, etc.).
• Effort is required:
  • Jay shares that maintaining close relationships takes conscious effort, especially with friends living far away.

“If I’m only seeing you once a month, I may not be confident or comfortable enough to open my heart to be vulnerable.” – Jay (08:09)

3. Emotional Vulnerability and Societal Stigma (08:56–15:40)

• The challenge of transitioning friendships to deeper ground:
  • Many men’s friendships are based on “jokes and laughter,” making deeper conversations uncomfortable.
  • Social media trends and “alpha male” narratives reinforce the stigma that vulnerability equals weakness.
• Double standards from women:
  • Radhi observes some women say they want emotionally available men, but are simultaneously turned off when men show strong emotions like crying.

“Crying and laughing are actually just two sides of the same [coin]—they’re expressions of an emotion.” – Jay (16:04)
“Women seem to want a man who is emotionally available but not emotional.” – Radhi (14:44)

4. Role Models and Shifting Narratives (15:40–18:50)

• Public vulnerability:
  • Athletes, musicians, and actors speaking out about mental health shows that emotional openness is not antithetical to strength.
  • Example: Kendrick Lamar, known for his toughness, publicly embraced crying as a sign of growth and self-expression.

“If I understood the power of vulnerability earlier, I could have had more depth and more reach to the guys that was around me.” – Jay, citing Kendrick Lamar (17:40)

5. Building and Maintaining Friendships (19:32–27:28)

• Community is key but difficult to build:
  • Men may struggle to form new friendships outside of work and partnerships.
  • One-to-one settings often yield more depth for men than group settings, where conversations can stay surface-level.
  • Both men and women benefit from friendships rooted in trust, vulnerability, and mutual understanding.
• Signs of meaningful connection:
  • Jay poses self-assessment questions for listeners:
    • Do you have three friends you could call at 3am to share struggles—or even just one?
    • Do you have someone you can honestly share your biggest win with, without fear of being judged?

“You need three people that you can go to when you’re in your hardest moments.” – Jay (02:40 & 29:40)
“The most seen I feel is when I’m with my wife or with a deep old friend that I know and they see all of me.” – Jay (27:48)

6. Loneliness, Health, and Aging (30:09–32:41)

• Impact on health:
  • Loneliness correlates with physical ailments like depression, anxiety, dementia, and even greater mortality (as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day).
• Changing friendships across a lifespan:
  • As people age, their social circles often contract, but having even a small, core support network remains vital—especially for men after losing a partner.

7. Friendship as a Learned Skill (34:59–36:17)

• Intentional systems:
  • Jay advocates for scheduling social time as a way of showing respect and deepening connections, encouraging routines to support and maintain relationships.
• Everyone can—and should—learn friendship skills:
  • Positive change starts with the courage to share vulnerably and continually seek out deeper connections.

“Friendship is a learned skill. It’s not something you’re born with.” – Jay (34:59)
“If you’re listening to this right now and you’re feeling lonely, I want you to know that there are other men out there that feel lonely…you actually have the opportunity to become community for each other.” – Jay (35:19)

8. Reflections on Friendship Across Generations (36:17–38:17)

• Friendships evolve:
  • Jay and Radhi discuss how their fathers kept lifelong friends, with consistent—if sometimes infrequent—check-ins being the foundation.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Men are really speaking about it, but we’re just not listening.” – Radhi (05:30)
• “If I understood the power of vulnerability earlier, I could have had more depth and more reach to the guys that was around me.” – Jay (quoting Kendrick Lamar, 17:40)
• “You need three people that you can go to when you’re in your hardest moments.” – Jay (02:40 & 29:40)
• “Cry and laughter are expressions of the same thing…You also don’t stop laughter, but people stop tears.” – Jay & Radhi (16:04–16:45)
• “Having lots of eyes on you, being seen, doesn’t mean you feel seen.” – Jay (28:26)
• “Friendship is a learned skill…and for me as a man, if you’re listening…you have the opportunity to become community for each other.” – Jay (34:59–35:19)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 02:14 – Introduction of topic: Male loneliness epidemic
• 04:29–05:07 – Eye-opening statistics on male friendships and loneliness
• 05:34–07:52 – Cultural differences in how men and women connect
• 08:56–10:37 – Challenges of vulnerability among men
• 15:00–16:45 – Social stigmas around male expression of emotion
• 17:07–18:50 – Kendrick Lamar’s take on vulnerability
• 19:32–20:44 – How friendship dynamics differ for men and women
• 26:37–27:29 – Assessing the depth of your friendships
• 30:09–32:41 – Health impacts of loneliness, especially later in life
• 34:43–35:19 – Scheduling and maintaining friendships
• 36:17–38:17 – Intergenerational observations on lasting friendship

Takeaways & Actionable Advice

• Meaningful male friendships require effort, intentionality, and vulnerability.
• Deep connection doesn't require a large group, just a few genuine, reliable friends.
• Societal beliefs about masculinity often make it harder for men to express emotion, but public examples of vulnerability can help change the narrative.
• Friendship is a learned and practiced skill, not an inherent talent—systems and habits play a big role in maintaining it.
• Both men and women struggle to find and trust close friends; one-on-one, judgment-free relationships are invaluable for all.

Tone and Language

The conversation is empathetic, curious, lighthearted at times, and rooted in personal anecdotes as well as research, with both Jay and Radhi encouraging a spirit of self-reflection, openness, and communal healing.

For those who haven’t listened:
This episode delivers a balanced blend of statistics, stories, and strategies, all with compassion and a gentle push towards building true, lasting connections—no matter your gender.