On Purpose with Jay Shetty:

Roxie Nafousi: Struggle With Low Self-Worth & No Confidence? (Use This Life-Changing 3-Step Method!)
iHeartPodcasts | December 1, 2025

Overview

In this compelling episode, Jay Shetty welcomes self-development author and manifesting expert Roxie Nafousi to discuss the complexities of confidence and self-worth. Drawing from her latest book, Confidence: Eight Steps to Knowing Your Worth, and her personal journey—which includes overcoming addiction and body dysmorphia—Roxie offers listeners practical methods for breaking cycles of self-doubt and embracing genuine, lasting confidence. Together, Jay and Roxie break down the myths around confidence, explore the roots of self-criticism, and provide actionable strategies for nurturing inner self-belief.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining True Confidence

Timestamp: 02:08–05:03

• Roxie’s Definition: “Confidence is about being able to walk into any room unapologetically yourself and walk out of it not worrying what everyone else thought of you.” (Roxy Nafousi, 02:08)
• Confidence is not about being loud, extroverted, or charismatic—it’s a quiet, grounded self-acceptance.
• Jay highlights: Overthinking others' perceptions is universal and often haunts us before and after social interactions.

2. Introverts, Extroverts & The Confidence Myth

Timestamp: 05:14–06:35

• Roxie notes extroverts may express confidence socially, but introverts can exhibit a quiet, stable confidence.
• “Confidence isn’t about proving yourself. It’s about knowing you’re enough and not needing anyone else to validate that for you.” (Roxy Nafousi, 05:45)

3. Validation: Healthy or Harmful?

Timestamp: 06:35–10:09

• Roxie describes evolutionary roots of validation—once essential for social survival—now distorted in today’s world.
• Social media amplifies the drive for validation and distorts self-worth.
• The risks: “We don’t just look for external validation to guide us—we look for it to tell us what we should think about ourselves.” (Roxy Nafousi, 09:55)
• Jay humorously references the “felt cute, might delete later” social media mindset.

4. The Universality of Self-Doubt

Timestamp: 11:01–13:12

• Roxie’s experience at workshops: when asking who feels truly free from self-doubt, “not one person will raise their hand.”
• Lack of confidence, she asserts, holds people back in all areas of life—love, work, self-growth.
• Vulnerability around self-doubt fosters connection and underscores the universality of these struggles.

5. Gender Differences in Confidence Expression

Timestamp: 13:12–14:56

• Roxie believes societal pressures make it harder for women to feel confident, but harder for men to express insecurity.
• “As a group of women, it’s easier for us to talk about feeling gross or insecure. I really feel for men, because they’re less able to open up about those things.” (Roxy Nafousi, 13:17)
• Jay concurs, reflecting on rare and ‘heavy’ conversations about insecurity among male friends.

6. Step One: Master Your Thoughts - Inner Critic vs. Inner Champion

Timestamp: 14:56–24:41

• Our repeated thoughts become core beliefs and shape how we interpret the world.
• Roxie’s ‘comedian heckler’ analogy: constant self-criticism sabotages our best efforts.
• “Confidence is knowing you’re both a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time.” (Roxy Nafousi, 20:42)
• Self-awareness allows for compassionate growth, whereas self-criticism locks us in shame and exhaustion.
• Practical Journaling Prompt: Write a motivational message from your “higher self” each morning to practice kindness toward yourself.

7. Habitual Voices: Conditioning, Not Destiny

Timestamp: 27:54–30:57

• Jay emphasizes: “Even that inner critic is not us—it’s just a rehearsed, habituated, conditioned voice that you’ve practiced all your life.”
• Both agree: practicing compassion and positive self-talk can create new neural pathways and more empowered self-beliefs.

8. Embodiment of Higher Self

Timestamp: 29:12–31:41

• Roxie’s exercise: Envision your best self one year from now—“How would they show up? How would they speak? What choices would they make?”
• Before any decision, ask, “What would my higher self do?”
• “Your higher self already exists, you just need to bring that version of you to life.” (Roxy Nafousi, 30:57)

9. Step Three: Stop Trying to Be Liked by Everybody

Timestamp: 32:04–44:07

• Jay and Roxie discuss society’s addiction to being liked and how it curtails authenticity.
• Key quote: “Stop trying to be liked by everyone. You don’t even like everyone.” (Roxy Nafousi, 33:04)

Four Essential Truths from Roxie:

1. No one is really thinking about you as much as you think they are. (34:07)
2. You never really know what people are thinking of you. (36:49)
   • Anecdote: A workshop attendee seemed disinterested but later praised Roxie’s work.
   • Jay shares the difference in audience responses at Cirque du Soleil by culture as a metaphor.
3. You can’t please all the people all the time. (40:05)
4. It’s not personal—it’s energy. (42:09)
   • Sometimes people just don’t ‘click’ due to misaligned energy; it’s not about personal failings.

• People pleasing comes from low self-worth, while making people happy comes from abundance and genuine care.
• “Wanting to make people happy can come from confidence—a place of, ‘I have so much love I want to share.’ People pleasing comes from, ‘I have to please others to be enough.’” (Roxy Nafousi, 44:12)

10. Handling Rejection & Conflict

Timestamp: 48:17–54:47

• Jay: “Rejection is a test of confidence’s foundation… we often ruminate over it, adding extra meaning (the ‘second arrow’).”
• Roxie: Practice radical acceptance—often, people’s reactions “aren’t about you,” but about their own past, wounds, or energetic fit.

11. Responsibility Without Self-Blame

Timestamp: 54:59–58:46

• Jay: “How do we stop thinking everything’s our fault but still take responsibility?”
• Roxie: Rely on trust in a greater power, self-awareness, and desire for true growth. Confidence balances self-compassion and constructive self-improvement.

12. The Fallacy of ‘I’ll be confident when…’

Timestamp: 58:46–61:31

• Roxie challenges the belief that confidence comes from achievements (wealth, marriage, fame): “You can be all of those things and still insecure, because those things don’t take away insecurity. These internal steps do.”
• “Spoiler alert: My eight steps are not get married, get rich, get famous.” (Roxy Nafousi, 59:27)

13. Roxie’s Personal Journey: From Self-Loathing to Self-Acceptance

Timestamp: 61:31–78:23

• Roxie recounts her struggles with addiction, severe self-loathing, and body dysmorphia disorder (BDD).
• Pregnancy and withdrawal intensified her BDD, leading to near-crippling anxiety regarding her appearance.
• Surgical interventions (e.g., rhinoplasty) did not resolve the dysmorphia—“I realized after the surgery, I felt exactly the same, and if not worse.” (Roxy Nafousi, 65:21)
• Healing came via therapy, self-awareness, and, when necessary, medication.
• “If I can go through that level of extreme self-hate and get to a point where I can sit on a podcast and say I like who I am, truly, I think anyone can.” (Roxy Nafousi, 80:20)

14. Modern Triggers: Overexposure to Our Own Reflection

Timestamp: 84:01–86:19

• Jay posits: “We all look at our faces more times every day than we ever would have in the past… I just don’t think we were ever meant to see our face this much.”

15. Celebrating Yourself: Permission and Practice

Timestamp: 91:21–101:27

• Confidence and humility can coexist. Social/cultural pressures to remain humble can actually limit people’s ability to celebrate themselves.
• “Arrogance says ‘I’m the best.’ Confidence says ‘I’m working to be the best that I can be.’” (Roxy Nafousi, 94:22)
• Celebrate small wins daily. Notice places where you respond better than in the past. Create a ‘personal CV’ of everyday qualities—not just achievements.
• “Catch people doing things right… If we all noticed more good within ourselves, we’d notice more good within other people.” (Jay Shetty, 100:11)

16. Closing Messages

Timestamp: 101:27–104:57

• Jay summarizes: “The judgment we’re scared of is tough… But when we allow people to be all of themselves and all of their experiences, we allow ourselves the same.”
• Roxy: “True confidence is knowing your worth was never up for discussion.” (Roxy Nafousi, 104:38)

Notable Quotes

• “Confidence is knowing you’re both a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same time.”
  — Roxy Nafousi (20:42)

• “Stop trying to be liked by everyone. You don’t even like everyone.”
  — Roxy Nafousi (33:04)

• “You can be all of those things—rich, famous, successful—and still insecure, because those things don’t take away insecurity.”
  — Jay Shetty (58:46)

• “If I can go through that level of extreme self-hate and get to a point where I actually can sit on a podcast and say I like who I am, truly—I think anyone can. And these are the steps that help me get there.”
  — Roxy Nafousi (80:20)

• “Arrogance says I am the best. Confidence says I’m working to be the best that I can be.”
  — Roxy Nafousi (94:22)

• “True confidence is knowing your worth was never up for discussion.”
  — Roxy Nafousi (104:38)

Actionable Takeaways

• Journaling Prompt: Each morning, write a motivational message from your higher self, encouraging and compassionate.
• Practice Acceptance: Move from people-pleasing to authenticity—focus on your energy, not everyone liking you.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge personal growth and everyday strengths, not just big achievements.
• Adopt the “Higher Self” Lens: Regularly ask, “What would my higher self do?”
• Cultivate Compassion: For yourself and others, recognizing everyone experiences self-doubt at some level.
• Balance Humility & Pride: Give yourself and others permission to celebrate, not just critique.

Overall Tone & Style

Warm, vulnerable, insightful, and practical. Jay’s empathetic interviewing style draws out Roxie’s raw honesty, creating a compassionate space for listeners to see their own struggles reflected—and challenged—with empathy and encouragement.

Suggested Next Steps

• Read Roxie’s book, Confidence: Eight Steps to Knowing Your Worth, for her full method.
• Try the journaling prompt daily for a week.
• Reflect on which of the four truths (“Stop trying to be liked by everyone”) you most need to remember.
• Practice catching yourself and others “doing things right” and verbally celebrate these wins.

This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating insecurity, seeking real-life methods for confidence, or simply craving authentic conversation about self-worth and healing.