← On Purpose with Jay Shetty
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The REAL Reason You Feel Behind (It’s Not What You Think!) Use THIS Simple Reset to Make Confident Decisions
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This is a I Heart Podcast. Guaranteed human don't miss my new Audible Original Series, Messy Love Difficult Conversations for Deeper Connection Join me, Jay Shetty, as I guide three couples toward a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationships. Through these intimate sessions, I will share tools you can use too. Communicate with clarity and compassion. Break painful cycles of blame and withdrawal. Create emotional safety and rebuild trust. Turn daily moments into rituals of appreciation. It's time to dig deeper and grow together. Listen to my new Audible Original series, Messy Difficult Conversations for deeper connection. Go to audible.com messylove to start listening today. Life doesn't always go to plan. And for parents, there are days when everything happens at once. And that's why I appreciate anything that brings real relief in those moments. Real life needs real relief. That's why doordash is there for whatever you need, whenever you need it. Being able to take one task off the list means more time, more presence, and a little more peace. And that matters. Parents know all too well how crazy life can get. Doordash just helps bring a little order to it. When you step into the Caribbean, something inside you softens. There's a rhythm, a warmth, a stillness that you can't manufacture. Sandals resorts were built on the Caribbean's most spectacular shorelines, From Jamaica and St Lucia to Grenada and Barbados. At Sandals, adults celebrate, reconnect, or simply unwind with suites that feel like private retreats. This is luxury all inclusive, pioneered and perfected for over four decades. Up to 16 globally inspired restaurants per resort. Discover the best all inclusive value in the Caribbean, designed exclusively for adults. Explore more@sandals.com I always felt stuck behind and late until I did this. If you're starting this year already feeling behind, you are not alone. And more importantly, you are not behind. Let me tell you a fact most people don't know. Studies show that nearly 7 out of 10 adults feel behind on their life timeline. Behind in love, behind in their career, behind financially. Behind where they should be by now. And here's the twist. Everyone is comparing themselves to everyone else and everyone thinks they're losing. People fascinate me. The married people envy the single people. The single people envy the married people. People with careers envy people who are entrepreneurs. People who are entrepreneurs envy the people with stability. No one feels ahead. Everyone feels behind. How many of you listening right now feel like you're behind in one of these areas? You're starting the year and you're already thinking, look at that person, they got promoted last year. Look at that person. They're making a difference. Look at that person, they've got their job. Look at that person. They've got a few more followers than me today. I want to show you, number one, why you feel behind psychologically and culturally. Number two, why your timeline is not late, statistically and scientifically. And number three, how to stop letting comparison ruin your year. I also want to give you the steps to rebuild confidence, momentum and purpose, all in this episode. This episode might be one of the most important ones you hear all year. Let's begin. Let's talk about the truth about why you feel behind. There are three main reasons we feel behind and none of them are your fault. Reason number one, we compare our insides to other people's outsides. There's something called the highlight bias. You see people's weddings, promotions, vacations, homes, milestones, but you never see their breakdowns, their failures, their doubts, their setbacks, or their insecurities. Statistically, people overestimate how happy others are and underestimate how happy they are. You're comparing your confusion to someone else's filter. No wonder you feel behind. Stop comparing yourself to others. You don't know the battles they hide or the bridges they had to burn to get there. Stop comparing yourself to others. Your timeline is custom made. Theirs was never designed to fit you. Stop comparing yourself to others. Success looks different on everyone, and so does the struggle. Stop comparing yourself to others. Your progress is happening quietly, internally, in ways no photo or post can capture. And stop comparing yourself to others. You're not here to match anyone. You're here to become the person only you can be. So the reason we compare ourselves is because we don't know enough context. If you only see someone's post and assume you know them, you know nothing. If you only see someone's tweet and assume you know them, you know nothing. If you only see someone's status update and think you know them, you know nothing. When you envy someone, you have to learn to study them. When you study someone, you get context. And when you get context, you realize you're more likely in the same place or even better off. Robin Roberts famously said, if everyone throw their problems into a pile, they'd immediately grab theirs back. We compare the worst of our lives to the best of everyone else's. Of course you feel behind when if you were actually able to get to know people deeply. This is one of the reasons why having a shallow understanding of lots of people is so harmful. Because when you have a shallow understanding of everyone, you think everyone's doing better. When you have a deeper understanding of Everyone you recognize, you're all kind of going through the same thing. Reason number two, you were sold a timeline that doesn't exist. Graduate by 22. Career by 25. Married by 30, kids by 35. Successful by 37, fulfilled by 40. This timeline was invented in the 1950s and hasn't been real for decades. Today, the average age of marriage is the highest it's been in history. Most people change careers three to seven times. People find their purpose in their 30s, 50s, even 60s. The average age of a successful entrepreneur is not 21, it's 45. You are not late. The timeline you are comparing yourself to is. Is outdated. You're not late. You might be moving slower because you've had more to carry, not because you're doing something wrong. You're not late. Half the people you think are ahead of you just feel as confused inside. You're not late. You're taking a real path, not the imaginary one you thought you'd be on at 18. You're not late. You're building your life while figuring yourself out. And that takes time for everyone. See, this idea that there was a perfect time to have kids, a perfect time to get married, a perfect time to win at life isn't real. Everyone's timeline is absolutely different. And when we try to live our life based on what the people around us are doing, think about how life would go for a second. If you did everything at the time everyone around you did it, how would that feel? That means you'd have to rush getting married to someone you don't love because you hadn't found them yet. You had to rush having children because everyone else was having them and you felt behind. If you do things that you don't want to do just because you feel behind, you will never be happy in your life. Because decisions should be made. When you're happy, when you're ready, when you're. When you're peaceful, when you're content, when you're excited, not when you're scared or anxious or nervous. Reason number three is our brain is wired for falling behind anxiety. Neuroscientists found that humans experience something called temporal comparison stress. We don't just compare ourselves to other people. We compare ourselves to the person we thought we'd be by now. Think about that for a second. You don't just feel behind because of other people. You feel behind because of the pressure you put on yourself. We feel behind not because life is wrong, but because our expectations were unrealistic. We feel behind because we thought we'd be in this position by now. And everything else is just a reminder of our inadequacy. But remember, when you made that timeline, you didn't really know that much. How many of us at 18 thought we knew when we were getting married? How many of us at 25 thought we knew when we'd have kids? How many of us at 15 thought we knew when we'd be successful? But what was that based on? It wasn't based on reality. It was just an imaginary, made up version of what we thought life was going to be like. Here's the truth. No one predicts their life accurately. Not one single person. Your plan wasn't wrong. It just didn't account for the fact that you're human. Right? Your plan wasn't weak. It's just that you didn't realize there was so much more to life. Your plan wasn't slow or unorganized. It was just you learn so much more about yourself moving forward. Maybe you knew exactly what you wanted to be at 18, but then when you actually became it and you did that job, you realized it was nothing like what you wanted. There's nothing wrong with that. You didn't make a mistake. You didn't go off track. You actually just discovered what that passion felt like in reality. I grew up in my teens thinking I may want to be a graphic designer or an art director. I loved it. I never actually did that for work. I used it a lot as a hobby. I never actually did it for work, but I think if I would have, I would have figured out quite quickly that that wasn't me. I ended up becoming a consultant. That was definitely not me. But if I sit there and I go, wow. And I was there at this point, I was 26 years old. I was a consultant. It wasn't what I wanted to do. And if I thought to myself, I messed up, I'm behind, what can I do now? I will never be here today. I'm here with you today because at 28, I decided to move in the direction of what I cared about. And you can, too. The new year always makes me look at my space differently. I want my home to feel calm, organized and supportive of the season ahead. Not overwhelming. And that's where Wayfair has really helped me reset. I started with the basics. Fresh bedding and towels. And it immediately changed how my mornings felt. Then I looked at the spaces I use every day, like the living room and my work setup. Updating a few details like accent pillows, a mirror and some simple decor made the whole room feel lighter without needing a full Overall, what I love about Wayfair is how everything is in one place. From storage solutions that help you actually stay organized, to kitchen essentials that make weeknight dinners easier, to desks and chairs that support working or studying from home, it's all there. I was honestly surprised by how easy it was to find pieces that fit both my style and my budget. Wayfair makes it simple to get your home ready for the new year because they really do have everything you need all in one place. Get organized, refreshed, and back on track this new year. For way less, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W a Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style, every home at the start of 2026, I set a simple goal for myself. Stay consistent with my movement, even on the days when motivation dips. Some weeks I track my miles. Other weeks I just focus on showing up. And when I notice my routine needs a reset, I don't quit. I adjust. One thing that's helped me stay steady is cachava. It fits into my day without overcomplicating it. I know I'm supporting my energy with key vitamins and minerals, my digestion with fiber, probiotics and enzymes, and my strength with plant based protein and electrolytes all in one shake. I usually blend mine with almond milk, frozen fruit and sometimes a little peanut butter. It takes minutes and the recipes from the Cachava kitchen make it effortless. Plus, with six flavors like chocolate, vanilla, chai, matcha, coconut, acai and strawberry, it never gets boring. Cacava is clean all in one nutrition Made with high quality ingredients, no fillers, no artificial flavors, and no nonsense. Stick with your wellness goals. Go to kachava.com and use code purpose for 15% off. That's Kachava K A C-H-A-A.com code purpose this episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. February has a way of making it seem like everyone else has love completely figured out. The perfect relationship, the perfect partner, the perfect timeline. But the truth is, whether you're married, dating, single, or focusing on yourself, most of us are still learning as we go. And that doesn't mean you're behind. It means you're human. Therapy can be a powerful space to slow down and really look at what you want, what feels heavy, and what might be putting pressure on your relationships. Sometimes it's not about fixing everything. It's about understanding what's weighing you down so you can let go of what no longer serves you. That's something I appreciate about BetterHelp BetterHelp works with licensed therapists who follow a strict code of conduct, and they simplify the matching process after answering a short questionnaire about your needs and preferences. They help pair you with a therapist who fits. And if you'd like to try a different match, you can switch at any time. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform with over 30,000 therapists, and they've supported more than 6 million people globally. And it works. Live Sessions average a 4.9 out of 5 rating based on over 1.7 million client reviews. An imperfect love life is more common than we admit, but a little support and reflection can lead to meaningful progress, whether you're working on yourself or your relationship. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com jstop3 that's betterhelp H-L-P.com jstop3. Let me give you some real evidence. Most people arrive later than you think. Research shows that the average person finds career clarity in their mid-30s. The average person hits financial stability in their late 30s to mid-40s. Creative breakthroughs often happen around age 40 to 50. Emotional maturity peaks around 45 to 55. If anything, you might be ahead of the schedule, but you're definitely not behind. The evidence shows that just because we hear a couple of stories of a 21 year old billionaire and a 30 year old who's really mature and a 35 year old who saved the planet, we start measuring ourselves against these 1% or even less than not recognizing the majority of people are in exactly the same space we are. Here's some more evidence. Life satisfaction has a U shape. Studies across 130 countries show show a consistent pattern. Life satisfaction dips in your 20s and 30s, then rises in your 40s, 50s and 60s. Meaning feeling lost now isn't a flaw. It's universal. It's part of the human curve. And the reason why I say that is because your 20s and 30s are also when you put so much pressure on yourself, you care more about what people think. You think you should be somewhere else. You care more about what other people are doing. As you start to lose that as you get older, it just has less of a hold and control over you. But if we were able to step back and go, I want to put positive pressure on myself but not break myself. It's almost like being in the gym and lifting weights. You want to lift enough to challenge yourself and push yourself, but not to hurt yourself. Sometimes the pressure we put on our mind is hurting us, not helping us. And here's even some more evidence. Late bloomers are more common than the early ones. Oprah got her show at 32. Vera Wang became a designer at 40. Toni Morrison published her first book at 39. Ray Kroc franchise McDonald's at 52. Success is not early. Success is aligned. You're not behind you, you're unfolding. If all of those people just felt they were behind the whole time, they wouldn't have been present enough to capture the opportunity at that time. Your goal is not to think about whether you're ahead or behind. And here's the scary thing. Here's actually the biggest mistake we make. If you believe you're ahead, it means you'll fall behind one day. And if you feel you're behind, you'll always want to be ahead, but then scared to that someone else will get ahead. It's a slippery slope to think that everything is a ranking system. It is a slippery slope to live that way. To think that you're ahead or behind. Because then you'll feel worse when you're behind. You'll feel insecure when you're at the top. If people feel that life is a race, you'll feel insecure and anxious at the top. And you'll feel depressed and disappointed at the bottom. When you realize that life is not a race, it is simply your path. You don't feel the insecurity of being number one, and you don't feel the depression of being last. You recognize you are where you're meant to be, doing what you're supposed to do. Because we have to recognize that feeling behind can be dangerous. When you believe you're behind, you do three things. Number one, you. You rush decisions you should take slowly. Wrong jobs, wrong relationships, wrong priorities. Number two, you quit things too early. You assume slow progress means wrong direction. Number three, you stop enjoying the life you actually have. You live inside imaginary pressure instead of real possibility. Feeling behind doesn't speed you up. It steals your peace and sabotages your progress. So what do we do? How do you stop feeling behind? Here are the practical frameworks that actually work. Framework number one. Compare less, connect more. Don't ask, where are they compared to me? Ask where am I compared to yesterday? Your only real competition is the person you were 24 hours ago. This is one of the best mindsets I could possibly give you. Only measure yourself based on how you're growing compared to where you want to be and who you are. Stop living your life thinking about where everyone else is or what you thought you'd be at 15 and now you're 30 years old. Have you grown since yesterday? Have you grown since last week? Are you taking the steps to do that? That's where your focus should be. Framework number two, rewrite your timeline. Take a piece of paper and write, my life is not late. It's layered. And now ask yourself, what did I survive? What did I learn? What did I build internally that no one can see? When I lived as a monk for three years, it wasn't available to everyone else. Everyone thought I was behind. Everyone thought I was lost. Everyone around me moved forward. But I was making real internal progress that no one else could see. That was progress. It was invisible but real. And most of your growth happens before anyone sees the results. So just because everyone can't see what you're doing, it doesn't mean that it's not valuable. And not everything that is valuable can be seen. And not everything that is seen can be. Is valuable. Just because you can see what someone's doing in the success they're having, that doesn't mean they're ahead. Because you could be growing underground and you're about to grow. I met so many people when I first started creating content who were far ahead of me in followers, far ahead. And they didn't take me seriously because they didn't think that I would take it seriously. I wanted to collaborate with them, I wanted to work with them, but they didn't want to do that with me because I wasn't big enough not realizing that if we think we're bigger or better or ahead or behind, we'll never grow. Framework number three, Identify your season. You're not behind. You're in a season. Are you in a season of healing? Are you in a season of rebuilding, learning, transitioning, resting, experimenting? You can't compare your season one to. To someone else's Season seven. Also, all of these cycles have a different pace. Healing has a different pace to transitioning. Transitioning has a different pace to performing. Performing has a different pace to growing, learning, building. Which season are you in? Get really clear about what 2026 is about for you. Is 2026 about healing? Because then that's going to look very different. You to someone who's building. I've had years when we have been planting seeds, and I won't see the success of that in this year. I'll only see it in the year after. Is my year a failure? Because I didn't see it. Definitely not. Framework number four, define progress as consistency, not speed. If you take one step every day this year, you'll be 365 steps ahead by next January. That's transformation, quiet and consistence. Progress is a direction, not a deadline. So let's talk about speed. Let's say for one month you're at a speed 10 out of 10, but for the rest of the year you're at a 0 out of 10. Guess what? You were at 5 out of 10 for the whole year. But if you were just a consistent six or seven, you're already beating the speed of one month at ten out of ten. Consistency beats speed. If you'll eventually run out of speed, if you'll run out of speed and run out of steam, consistency is always going to win. Framework number five, Ask the question that changes everything. Instead of asking why am I behind? Ask what is this season preparing me for? The answer will change the way you see your timeline. You have to reframe it. You have to look at it from a different angle. There have been so many years where everyone else could think I haven't achieved anything and I'm not moving forward, but we're planting the seeds for next year. There are times in my life where I thought I was falling behind, but now I realize I was actually falling into place. I want to share with you the five practical steps to take this year. Number one, make a this is my season statement. Define where you are and own it. Don't worry about anyone else's season. What season are you in? Number two, remove three social media accounts that trigger comparison. Protect your mind. If you keep comparing yourself to everyone, you will always feel behind. It is not your fault. It's how we're wired. Number three, set one goal for 90 days, not the year. Shorter cycles equals more wins, more progress. Number four, track actions, not outcomes. We often think the outcome decides whether we did something right. Let me give you an example. Let's say you work really hard on something and the result goes badly. Were you wrong? Because let's say you didn't work hard at all and the result went well. Were you right? We have to focus on our action, not just the outcome. Because if you did everything right and you continue to do that, you will get the right outcome. But if you rely on chance or hope or luck, you can't make that impactful. Outcomes belong to time. Actions belong to you. And this one celebrate invisible progress. I was giving a talk at my company's holiday party recently and I shared this with them. I shared that. I recognize all the things that they do that I see, but more importantly, I want to honour all the things that I don't see. I believe there is so much invisible work that you do that I do, that we all do, that is never seen, and it's your job to try and celebrate it for yourself. Your internal transformation will always come before external results. Always let me leave you with are not behind. You're learning lessons now that others will have to learn later. You're not behind. You're doing your best in a life that hasn't always been easy. You're not behind. Everyone's figuring things out privately while pretending they're ahead. You're not behind. You're just on a timeline no one has ever lived before. Stop punishing yourself for not being where you thought you'd be. Start appreciating yourself for not giving up. Because one year from now you won't be behind. You'll just be grateful that you got started. Your path is not delayed, it's deliberate. And this is your year to walk it with confidence. Wishing you all the best for the year ahead. Remember, I'm forever in your corner and always rooting for you. If you love this podcast, you'll love my episode with Lewis Hamilton. Lewis and I talk about why you should stop chasing society's definition of success and how to be more intentional with your goals. You don't want to miss it. Like it's not about being perfect. It's about just every day, one step at a time time. Trying to be better, trying to do more. I'm learning a lot about myself. I had to break myself down in order to be able to be better. We spend so much time managing stress and wellness, but sometimes it's the unseen things around us that throw us off, like allergens hiding in the air we breathe at home. That's where Clorox Pure Allergen Neutralizer Daily Air Spray comes in. Developed with allergists, it neutralizes common household allergens like pollen, dust, mite matter and pet dander right where they can linger most in the air. There's also Clorox Pure Allergen Neutralizer Fabric and carpet spray for carpets, couches and bedding, where allergens can lurk. Add Clorox Pure to your daily routine to stop allergens before they become allergies. Find it in the Air care aisle at a retailer near you. 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At Sandals, adults celebrate, reconnect or simply unwind with suites that feel like private retreats. This is luxury all inclusive, pioneered and perfected for over four decades. Up to 16 globally inspired restaurants per resort. Discover the best all inclusive value in the Caribbean, designed exclusively, exclusively for adults. Explore more@sandals.com this is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.