Podcast Summary: Unemployable with Jeff Dudan

Episode #248: "You Want to Be Wealthy? Start With the Words in Your Head" | Guest: Michael Bernoff

Release Date: February 10, 2026
Guest: Michael Bernoff – Founder of Human Communication Institute, author of Average Sucks

Episode Overview

In this energizing and insightful conversation, host Jeff Dudan sits down with communication expert and performance coach Michael Bernoff to explore the invisible scripts running our lives—and how changing the language we use with ourselves can upgrade our results, relationships, and wealth. The duo dives deep into why so many people are stuck in mediocrity, why “average sucks,” and the immense (and often misunderstood) power of influence and labels. Along the way, they swap memorable stories, dig into parenting, adversity, emotional self-management, action, and coaching for high performers.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Power of Language and Self-Communication

• Words shape our actions and outcomes.
  • Our internal dialogue becomes both the ceiling and the lever for what we and others believe is possible.
  • “The way that we communicate with ourselves to ourselves, communicates how we respond to ourselves. How I talk to me about me is how I’m going to respond to me.” – Michael (05:00)
• Influence as positive manipulation:
  • Michael discusses how influence—not just over others, but over ourselves—is the root of all meaningful change.
  • Influence is viewed as “manipulation in a positive way,” urging listeners to reclaim and use the power of words.

Why Most People Are Stuck in Average

• Mediocrity has been normalized and is self-reinforcing.
  • Social media creates “drugs in the mind,” letting us get vicarious satisfaction from watching others, sapping drive for real action.
    (01:50-03:45)
• People confuse watching with doing.
  • Most people ask, “How did they do that?” instead of “How can I do that?”
  • Only a small percentage are actually willing to change their behavior and take action.

Action, Emotion, and Self-Image

• Perception is reality.
  • “It isn’t about creating an illusion… it’s that I have a perception of me that does a certain thing. That guy that does better at something, he’s got a perception of him.” – Michael (04:30)
• Effecting change doesn't require massive effort, but a shift in ‘average’.
  • By consistently doing 5-10% more of what you truly want, you reset your average and your results.
    (00:00, 05:50)
• Emotion and communication:
  • Emotions commonly come from the past, not the present. “All emotions live in the past. Zero emotions live now, period.” – Michael (19:57)

Influence in Action: How to Communicate for Results

• First impressions & intentional outcomes:
  • In any interaction, calibrate your state and theirs, clarify both your outcome and theirs, and focus on value creation.
    (06:52-08:40)
  • “It’s not what you say, it’s the response that you get.” (07:52)
• Standing out and rewiring neuropathways:
  • Michael’s approach: avoid small talk, be memorable, and disrupt default patterns to create new experiences.
  • “How can I stand out in this person’s mind and start creating what’s called a new neural pathway?” (12:39)

Labels, Beliefs, and the Limits of Knowing

• Words and labels shape experience.
  • “The label creates the emotion. If you call it ‘addiction’ you’ll be stuck with it. If you call it ‘poison’ it’s easier to quit.” – Michael (39:25, 40:10)
• The most limiting belief: ‘I know what I’m doing’.
  • High-achievers can sabotage growth by insisting they already know enough. Surrendering to not-knowing reopens the mind to change.
    (30:28-32:59)

High Performance, Coaching & Personal Change

• Subtracting before adding:
  • To grow, first create space by eliminating the unnecessary—whether habits, beliefs, or time commitments.
• Coaches can only work with the willing and clear:
  • Outcomes must be defined and wanted by the client; otherwise, progress stalls.
    (36:48-37:57)
• Embrace loss/ failure:
  • People struggle because they avoid admitting loss or failure—yet being willing to take a loss is vital to growth.
    (33:56-35:58)

Motivation, Parenting, and Raising Resilient Kids

• Motivating kids (and teams):
  • Let motivation be their idea. Plant seeds and let them take action when ready.
    • Ex: “If you ever want to get better at basketball, I might have a couple ideas. Just come to me.” (58:21)
  • Intrinsic motivation > domination or rescue.
• Truth and self-determination:
  • Telling the truth (even about failure or adversity) empowers resilience and self-directed growth.
    (66:13-69:36)

Average and Discretionary Effort

• Reframe of ‘average’:
  • Average isn’t comparing yourself to others, but against what you could be.
    (52:52)
  • “Is your average what you want, or is your average what you do?” – Michael (55:20)
• Change is not about working harder, but shifting your average just a bit higher—consistently.

Adversity: To Seek or Not to Seek?

• Adversity as a gateway:
  • Only 3% are “decide and do” people; 97% only change when adversity gets painful.
  • “You don’t have to cold plunge every morning… But adversity is the gateway to what you want.” (46:13-48:30)
  • Don’t seek needless adversity, but build a smart relationship with it.

Tools for Changing State and Overcoming Trauma

• Breaking attachments:
  • “Everything that’s already occurred in our life is a series of picture, sounds, and feelings… By altering the picture and the sound, the feeling changes.” (74:15)
  • Techniques from behavioral psychology (e.g., reframing, relabeling) can help dissolve limiting emotional attachments quickly.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Influence:

  “Words have killed more people than weapons ever have—words prior than the weapon. That’s the type of violence I’m talking about—Martin Luther King and Gandhi were violently not okay with the way the world was, peaceful in the world.”
  – Michael (25:17)

• On the danger of knowing:

  “If I say, ‘I know what I’m doing’ or ‘I know how to do it,’ then I already would have done it.”
  – Michael (30:57)

• On labels:

  “If you’re addicted to something, you call it addiction. You’re probably gonna get stuck with it. But if you call it ‘I love cheesecake’ you’re gonna want it the rest of your life. If you call it yummy or tasty or poison it’ll be different.”
  – Michael (39:25)

• On parenting and truth:

  “One of the foundations was self-determination. I refused to tell them what I thought they should do.”
  – Jeff (63:07)

• On adversity:

  “Adversity is the gateway to what you want. You don’t have to go looking for extra adversity, you don’t need it.”
  – Michael (48:30-49:08)

• On ‘average sucks’:

  “Average is not your comparison to yourself versus other people. It is the comparison to what is possible for you.”
  – Michael (52:52)

• On influence (final advice):

  “Accept the power of your own influence. You’re already influencing people, every single one of you… Accept the power of your own influence. Period. It’s a command.”
  – Michael (83:53)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Opening—Why words are everything, the myth of working harder: (00:00–01:50)
• Sensationalizing success & normalization of mediocrity: (01:50–03:45)
• The influence of self-image and perception: (03:48–05:04)
• How self-talk shapes interactions: (05:20–06:41)
• How to approach new connections intentionally: (06:48–08:40)
• What sets Michael’s style apart in first meetings: (12:39)
• Standing out and creating new neural experiences for people: (12:39–15:14)
• Managing emotion and transactional analysis: (18:43–21:48)
• Sandlér sales and psychological ‘games’ people play: (21:25–22:12)
• The dangers of needing to be right: (32:40–33:37)
• Learning to take a loss: (33:56–35:58)
• Coaching for results—why clarity and action matter: (36:48–37:57)
• The power and danger of labels: (38:02–40:14)
• On habits and ‘subtracting to add’: (40:40–41:45)
• Adversity and its role in advancement: (46:13–49:08)
• Michael’s definition of average: (52:52–55:20)
• Parenting, motivation, and letting kids choose: (58:21–62:58)
• On ‘disappearing’ emotional attachments: (74:15–76:47)
• Therapy and perception vs. reliving the problem: (77:19–79:22)
• How to get in touch with Michael / events: (80:02–81:50)
• Curveball Q—What business would Michael start today? (82:10–83:43)
• Fastball Q—One-sentence life advice: (83:53)

Closing Highlights

• How to contact Michael:
  • Instagram, website, or text 480-800-8051 with keyword influence (mention Jeff/the podcast for a special offer).
• Final impactful advice:
  • Accept and use your influence deliberately—it’s always working for or against you.

Tone

The episode is dynamic, spirited, and candid, with both speakers sharing personal stories and direct insights. Michael’s communication style is intentionally bold, direct, and action-oriented—pushing listeners to confront their internal narratives. Jeff’s questions are thoughtful and practical, creating a constructive, back-and-forth energy that is both motivational and practical.

For Listeners:

If you want to upgrade your results, your relationships, or your business, the shift starts with upgrading the words (and beliefs) running in your head—and then intentionally using your influence to shape outcomes for yourself and others. Reject “average,” embrace small but permanent pattern shifts, and remember: average really does suck.