ONE | A Potter’s House Church Podcast

Episode: Barriers to Forgiveness - Yana Conner
Date: October 27, 2025
Guest Teacher: Yana Conner
Host: ONE | A Potter’s House Church
Main Passage: Matthew 18:21–35
Theme: Understanding and overcoming the barriers to forgiveness as taught by Jesus.

Episode Overview

This episode centers on the profound challenge and transformative power of forgiveness as described in Jesus’s parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21–35). Yana Conner candidly shares her personal journey with forgiveness—particularly the long road of forgiving her father—and lays out the biblical and practical reasons why forgiveness is central to the Christian life. The discussion carefully explores both theological context and the deeply human struggle to forgive, ending with actionable wisdom for real spiritual growth.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Universal Need for Forgiveness

• Everyone Has a Forgiveness Story:
  Yana opens with her own experience of pain and betrayal, emphasizing that all listeners carry wounds that require the work of forgiveness.
  • “Everyone in this room has suffered the pain of offense ... There's not one person in this room who has not been disappointed.” (03:30)

2. The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:21–35)

• Peter’s Question and Jesus’s Radical Response:
  Peter asks if forgiving seven times is enough—a number beyond the norm. Jesus responds with “seventy-seven times,” symbolizing boundless forgiveness.
  • “Jesus says seventy times seven ... To reveal to Peter and to us that this is more than reasonable, he tells this parable.” (06:44)
• Explanations of Debt:
  • The first servant’s debt: 10,000 talents = ~$13.2 billion (deemed unpayable).
  • The second owed 100 denarii = $6,000.

3. Why Does Jesus Call Us to Forgive?

• Forgiven People Forgive:
  • “Forgiven people forgive. That is the biblical expectation ... that if you have been forgiven, you will forgive.” (11:17)
• Forgiveness is the “ethic and practice of the kingdom” in contrast to the world’s norm of canceling and cutting off.
• “In Jesus’s kingdom, we forgive. We don’t cancel. We don’t ghost. We don’t spar, offense for offense. We take up the hard work of forgiveness.” (12:10)

4. Barriers to Forgiveness

Yana identifies and tackles four barriers:

a. Emotional Pain

• Personal Betrayal & Church Hurt:
  • “...it’s one thing for someone who doesn’t know Christ to hurt you, but it’s a completely other thing for someone who does...” (16:53)
• Counsel: Healing is often the first step.
  • “Make yourself available to the healing process ... No one is healed alone. We are healed in community.” (18:55)

b. Anger

• Anger as a Justice Emotion:
  • “Anger is your justice emotion ... What do you do with your anger? Do you submit it to God or to your anger?” (21:12)
• Psalm 37 Guidance:
  • “Trust in the Lord and do good... We can forgive when we know that God is on the case. We can forgive when we remember that God says, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay.’” (23:07)
  • “God can get them back better than you can, so leave it with him.” (23:44)

c. Forgiveness Amnesia

• Forgetting Our Own Need for Grace:
  • Yana describes holding onto her father’s failings for years until realizing her own bitterness resembled the unmerciful servant.
  • “When we refuse to forgive, we are doing the work of forgetting ... the mercy and the grace that we’ve received.” (25:45)
• Practical Step:
  • “Go reach for the cross. Remember what Jesus has done for you and ask him for grace to do the same.” (27:28)

d. Lack of Clarity About Forgiveness

• What Forgiveness Is/Isn’t:
  • “Forgiveness is a merciful decision to release an offender of their debt and not retaliate against them in anger ... It’s not the decision to reconcile ... or to just blindly trust again.” (28:30)
• Memorable Quote:
  • “We do not forgive people because they deserve it. We forgive people because when we didn’t deserve it, God forgave us.” (29:10)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Norms of Forgiveness:
  “We don’t cancel. We don’t ghost ... Forgiveness is the expectation, the ethos, the ethic, and the practice of the kingdom.” (12:20)
• On the Healing Process:
  “No one is healed alone. We are healed in community.” (18:55)
• On God’s Justice:
  “God can get them back better than you can ... but even let that reality stir up compassion and mercy for your offender.” (23:44)
• Personal Vulnerability:
  “For me, anger is probably my biggest barrier to forgiveness. But I have found some help in Psalm 37...” (21:56)
• Forgiveness Defined:
  “Forgiveness is a merciful decision to release an offender of their debt and to not retaliate against them in anger.” (28:30)
• Forgiveness Process in Relationships:
  • “I made the merciful decision that every time [my dad] would call, I would either pick up or call him back ... When I would go home, I would make a point to see him. I made the decision to cease the passive aggressive behavior.” (31:26)
• On Forgiving vs. Forgetting:
  “I grew up where people would say, ‘forgive and forget.’ Sometimes you just can’t forget— it’s in my core memory. ... I had to make the decision to throw my dad’s sins into the depths of the sea and to not draw them back up.” (32:00)

Practical Q&A & Takeaways

(29:58–38:07)

How do you know when you've really forgiven?

• “You just make the decision ... Part of that was working through my pain ... I had to make the decision to treat him differently.” (30:50)
• Forgiveness resolutions: Make a merciful decision on how to act, even as emotions catch up.

The difference between toxicity and humanity

• “Sometimes what we’re calling toxic is just human. Toxicity is abuse, lying, manipulation. Humanity is imperfection.” (33:19)
• Invite community for discernment:
  • “If you can’t discern, invite others to help you.” (34:30)
• If someone is consistently abusive even after confrontation, “Jesus thinks you should restructure the relationship.” (34:54)

Does forgiveness always mean reconciliation?

• No; forgiveness does not require ongoing relationship if harm is ongoing or unaddressed. (36:00)
• “Even if a relationship ends, we still have to forgive— so our heart can be free.” (35:45)

How do we live fearlessly in unsafe spaces?

• “You can’t trust your dad ... but you can trust God ... even if your dad hurts you again, God is going to heal you.” (37:00)
• Quoting 1 Peter 5:10 (“He will Himself restore, confirm, strengthen…”)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:30] Yana’s story & universality of offense
• [06:44] Breakdown of Matthew 18; radical call to forgiveness
• [11:17] Core reason: Forgiven people forgive
• [16:53] Barriers Introduction—Emotional pain & church hurt
• [21:12] On anger & justice; Psalm 37 guidance
• [23:44] Trusting God for justice
• [25:45] Forgiveness amnesia; personal story about her father
• [28:30] Definition of forgiveness
• [31:26] Practical resolutions in hard relationships
• [33:19] Toxicity, humanity, and drawing healthy boundaries
• [35:45] When forgiveness does not restore a relationship
• [37:00] Living fearlessly; trusting God, not people

Final Thoughts

This episode offers not just inspiration but actionable wisdom grounded in Scripture and lived experience. Yana Conner’s teaching invites listeners into honest reflection about their own pain and barriers, equipping them with biblical truths and practical steps to move forward in forgiveness, as part and proof of life in God’s kingdom.