One of Their Own | KPBS

Episode: "The Relationship"
Release Date: November 18, 2025
Host: Katie Hyson

Episode Overview

This episode delves into the troubled relationship between Ciara Estrada, a San Diego police officer found dead under suspicious circumstances, and her boyfriend and fellow officer, Eric Hansen. Through family accounts, case files, text messages, and expert commentary, the podcast explores the emotional dynamics of their relationship, the investigation into Ciara's death, and lingering questions about how police handle cases involving their own. The Estrada family is concerned that the department’s quick ruling of suicide overlooked important red flags and failed to address the possibility of emotional abuse or other foul play.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Ciara and Eric’s Relationship: Early Days & Family Impressions

• First Connection: Eric and Ciara met at the police academy, with Eric in the class behind hers. Ciara was young and inexperienced in relationships; Eric was in his early 30s to her mid-20s ([03:02]).

• Family Observations:

  • Brandi (Ciara’s sister) recalls Eric as aloof and difficult to get to know.
  • Eric "latched onto" Ciara, who helped support him through the academy ([03:36]).
  • Brandi believed Ciara’s naivete and inexperience made her vulnerable to manipulation ([04:42]).
  • "She could be manipulated because she had no other experience." – Brandi, [04:42]

• Ciara’s Own Words:

  • In a high school scrapbook, Ciara wrote:
    • “I don't have very much experience with guys, so I never really know what to do when I get close to a guy.” – Ciara, [05:09]

2. Warning Signs and Emotional Abuse

• Red Flags Raised by Friends and Family:

  • Brandi described the relationship as “very unhealthy” and “tumultuous,” with “arguing all the time” ([05:53]).
  • Ciara confided that she had to “watch her tone and walk on eggshells” around Eric, who would come home angry and put it on her ([10:34]).
  • Colleagues noticed Ciara venting about issues with Eric; one told her, “that isn't the right way Eric should be treating her” ([06:13]).
  • “The way he talked to her... always yelling at her... that’s emotional abuse that, over time, I think, just probably ate away at her.” – Brandi, [10:13]

• Expert Perspective:

  • Verna Griffin Tabor, a social worker specializing in partner violence, explains the severe impact of emotional abuse:
    • “If we could see what that did to us, the damage. It's horrific... By hearing it over and over by somebody that you care about, a lot of times, people start to believe and buy into that they are worthless. And that harms not only self esteem, your spirit, your very being.” – Verna Griffin Tabor, [11:13]

3. Evidence of Emotional Turmoil: Discovering Ciara’s List

• After Ciara’s Death:

  • Brandi searched through Ciara’s belongings and found a note on her iPad—a list of grievances written with a broken heart emoji ([14:28]).
  • Ciara documented instances such as:
    • “He hates when I cry. He raises his voice at me. He mocks me constantly.” ([14:42])
  • Describing a distressing event:
    • “That day in Rite Aid he made me take a pregnancy test by myself... He stayed in bed and was angry at me for disrupting his sleep.” ([14:54])
  • The note concludes: “October 22nd. Admitted to cheating on me, kissing another girl.” ([15:20])
  • This important note was not mentioned in the case records shared with the family ([15:35]).

• Brandi’s Reflection:

  • “That note is like the relationship where he's just like, a selfish guy who has to. It's me, me, me. And she just didn't... She didn't matter at all.” – Brandi, [15:35]

4. Texts and Witness Testimonies of Isolation and Jealousy

• Controlling Behaviors:

  • Eric’s responses to Ciara’s texts about workplace harassment were dismissive and unsupportive ([17:03]).
  • Ciara describes Eric’s jealousy over her job and her interactions with male colleagues; she had to move apartments by herself, because “Eric would get jealous if she asked any of the male officers on her squad to help her” ([19:21]).
  • Eric’s statement after Ciara’s death: “I tried not to take her out in public. We are like hermits together.” ([19:46])
  • Ciara’s text to Eric’s mom:
    • “At some point, I just stopped telling my mom all the bad things because I wanted my family to see him in a good light.” ([19:55])

• Friends’ and Officers’ Perspectives:

  • “She would always be upset if we talked about him in a bad way. And she defended him.” – Brandi, [20:07]
  • “Toward the end, I think she got tired of people telling her he was bad news, because she wanted to see the best in him.” – Former SDPD Officer, [20:15]
  • “Every time she talked about him, I would just... I always would hope they would break up.” – Former SDPD Officer, [22:54]

5. Cycle of Breaking Up and Making Up

• Rollercoaster Dynamic:
  • The relationship was characterized by repeating cycles of breaking up and reconciling, which Verna Griffin Tabor notes is common in abusive dynamics ([26:13]).
  • A key factor tying them together was their shared beagle, Trevor, which required ongoing interaction ([26:28]).
  • Even after breaking up, Eric maintained a key to Ciara’s apartment, leading to an unwelcome, surprise visit shortly before her death ([27:11]).

6. The Night of Ciara’s Death and Family Doubts

• Last Hours:

  • On New Year’s Eve, Ciara and Eric attended a party. Brandi worried that mixing alcohol with their tense dynamic would lead to trouble ([32:30]).
  • “I kept trying to encourage her to, like, not fight… Cause once alcohol was involved, that's what their problem was. They would fight, fight, fight. Alcohol was involved. And then it took it to, like, an unsafe level.” – Brandi, [32:30]

• After the Party:

  • “At 10 o'clock, they're happy. How is she dead two hours later?” – Ciara’s mother Julie, [33:03]

• Family’s Belief:

  • The family is deeply skeptical about the suicide ruling, pointing out the lack of prior suicidal thoughts, and expressing concern over the investigation’s thoroughness ([30:19]).
  • “There's too many factors that point to where it's not suicide. There's just too many red flags…” – Brandi, [30:19]
  • The family filed a legal claim against the department, but it never reached court ([31:33]).

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• “Being an asshole boyfriend isn't. There's no crime for that.” – Recounted by Brandi, reflecting a detective’s comment ([24:32])
• “If the how was suicide, the why was her relationship with Eric.” – Katie Hyson, [31:27]
• “This was like, the only thing that I just, like, couldn't protect her from was this relationship.” – Brandi, [31:49]
• “I wish I was the woman that made him want to be a better man.” – Ciara’s text message ([21:27])
• “I don’t need to be treated like a princess, but I want to feel loved. Instead, I just feel alone.” – Ciara’s text message ([23:23])

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:02] – Meeting at the police academy and start of relationship
• [05:09] – Ciara’s own words in high school about inexperience with men
• [06:13] – Colleagues witness and comment on relationship troubles
• [10:09] – Brandi discusses emotional toll and emotional abuse
• [11:13] – Expert Verna Griffin Tabor on the unseen damage of emotional abuse
• [14:28] – Brandi discovers Ciara’s iPad note detailing grievances
• [17:03] – Example of dismissive and unsupportive text from Eric regarding harassment
• [19:46] – Eric's own statement about isolating behavior
• [23:23] – Ciara’s text expressing her loneliness in the relationship
• [24:32] – Detective’s remark minimizing emotional abuse
• [26:13] – Discussion of the break-up/make-up cycle as a hallmark of unhealthy relationships
• [27:11] – Eric’s continued access to Ciara’s apartment after their breakup
• [30:19] – Family voices doubts about suicide and demands for a more in-depth investigation
• [32:30] – Brandi recalls concerns about mixing alcohol and conflict
• [33:03] – “At 10 o'clock they're happy. How is she dead two hours later?”

Episode Tone and Style

The tone is quietly urgent, mournful, and compassionate, with a strong undercurrent of frustration at the investigational process and heartbreak over the feeling of missed warning signs. Katie Hyson’s narration weaves together intimate family recollections, cold case file details, and professional insight, always returning to Ciara’s voice from her own surviving words.

Summary Takeaway

This episode draws a detailed, painful portrait of a young officer struggling in a relationship ultimately clouded by control, jealousy, and emotional abuse—dynamics the police seemingly discounted as “personal,” not criminal. The Estrada family’s loss is compounded by institutional failings and unanswered questions surrounding Ciara’s death. The episode closes by foreshadowing further investigation and raising profound questions about how police investigate deaths within their own ranks—and how departments acknowledge, or fail to acknowledge, emotional abuse in their midst.