Oprah's Super Soul Special: Nate Berkus — Design for Your Spirit

Date: February 12, 2025
Host: Oprah Winfrey
Guest: Nate Berkus

Episode Overview

In this deeply personal conversation, Oprah sits down with famed interior designer Nate Berkus to explore the soulful side of design and the transformative role our living spaces play in our lives. Rooted in stories of love, loss, personal discovery, and the objects that tell our stories, the interview transcends design tips and delves into the spiritual resonance of the things that surround us. Nate shares the journey of coming into himself—as a designer, as a gay man, and as a survivor of profound tragedy. Together, Oprah and Nate discuss authenticity, grief, and the ways in which our homes become reflections of our inner worlds.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power and Meaning of Objects in Our Lives

• Design as a Spiritual Practice (04:16)
  • Nate shares how, for him, design isn’t just an aesthetic exercise—it’s a spiritual endeavor that reflects and shapes our inner worlds.
  • “A lot of people have asked me over the years, is design a spiritual endeavor? And I’ve always believed it was. I never really had the language to describe why… until I sat down to do this book.” — Nate Berkus (04:15)
  • Oprah connects this to Rainn Wilson’s idea that there’s no difference between art and prayer—a creation is an offering, a gift, in alignment with something greater (04:33–04:46).
• Things as Memory and Legacy
  • Oprah reads from Nate’s book: “Things matter. They have to. They’re what we live with and touch each and every day… they represent what we’ve seen, who we’ve loved and where we hope to go next.” (03:39)
  • Nate reflects, “It reminds us of the good times and the rough patches and everything in between that’s made us who we are.” (04:13)
• Global Universality of Beauty
  • Both share experiences from around the world—Oprah’s trip to Africa, witnessing people decorating in the simplest circumstances, and a story about a Haitian girl making a decorated dollhouse in a tent (07:13–08:13).
  • “Things matter. Beauty matters.” — Oprah (08:14)

2. Discovering One’s Calling

• Early Roots of Passion for Design (06:05)
  • Nate describes his “acorn moment” at 13, getting his own bedroom and finding joy in transforming a raw space.
  • “I cared so much about the way things looked, but more importantly, about the way things felt.” — Nate Berkus (06:05)
• Homes as Reflections of Self
  • “When you are connected to those kinds of things, meaning your inner world, the space around you really matters, because it reflects your inner space.” — Oprah (07:01)

3. The Journey of Coming Out and Self-Acceptance

• Family Responses
  • Nate shares his stepfather’s compassionate approach: knowing but not telling, showing acceptance by treating him no differently (09:40).
  • “He wanted me to know that…there’s your proof. I don’t feel any differently about you now than I did before I found this out about you.” — Nate Berkus (10:29)
• Space to Grieve Parental Expectations (14:00)
  • Oprah and Nate discuss how coming out also means giving loved ones space to process and grieve the life they envisioned for you.
  • “Your child, I believe, should respect that. Give them the space to mourn, to grieve, the life they thought you were going to have.” — Nate Berkus (14:39)
• Learning Dishonesty as Survival
  • Nate reveals how growing up gay led him to develop hiding skills, and how adulthood is about unlearning them (15:11).
  • “When you know you’re gay, you’re trying to hide it. You feel that you have to lie so you’re not cast out.” (15:11–15:47)
• Reaching Understanding with His Father
  • Nate recounts a pivotal airport conversation where he asked for respect and understanding (17:06–19:29).
  • “Dad, why would I choose something to make my life more difficult?...being gay is the way I was born…I would never choose something to make my life complicated.” — Nate Berkus (18:25)
  • His father’s response: “If you say that you were born this way and you didn’t make a choice, then we’re good.” (19:39)

4. Influences, Mentors, and Finding One’s Path

• Strong Female Mentors
  • Nate credits women—from his grandmother, mother, teachers, to Oprah herself—as guiding “angels” in his life (20:53).
• Kindness and Meaningful Words (22:12)
  • Nate shares a treasured letter from his French teacher affirming his kindness and promise.
  • “She knew I would have a life that was filled with joy because I was kind.” — Nate Berkus (22:12)
  • Oprah: “Words are my treasure…best gift anybody can give me is a well-written, thoughtful note.” (22:01)

5. The Design of a Life

• Letting Beauty Find You
  • Nate on inspiration: “I let things find me. I let objects find me. I let beauty find me in any of its forms.” (23:24)
• Defining and Assembling a Life
  • Discovery through relationship: seeing someone construct their own life inspired Nate to launch his own firm and design his timeline (24:04, 24:25)
  • “That freedom to actually create and design my own world and timeline—that was the single thing that propelled me to start my design firm.” (24:25)
• Setbacks, Authenticity, and Lessons from Failure
  • Oprah and Nate candidly dissect why his daily talk show didn’t work: it didn’t allow space for authenticity or for his process (25:13–28:03).
  • “If you cannot be authentic, if you cannot be true to yourself…all the other things that supposedly matter mean nothing. Because that is the thing that really matters.” — Oprah (20:07)
  • Nate: “For two years, I was unrecognizable to myself.” (27:39)
  • The relief at the show’s end led him back to therapy and self-work (29:51).

6. Home as Emotional Archive

• Homes Should Tell Our Stories
  • “A home has to reflect the people that live there, tell the stories of who they are. And it’s not instant—it should be assembled and layered over time.” — Nate Berkus (33:20)
  • Oprah admits she hadn’t “lived” in her homes for 25 years, connecting this with her preference for outdoor spaces designed by God—not people (34:00–34:17).

7. Mindful Acquisition & The Spirit Behind Things

• Acquisition with Intention
  • Nate: “Before you do it, you need to stop and ask yourself the question: Is this really serving me in my home? Is this telling the story of who I am?” (35:14)
  • Warns against buying something just because it’s trendy or seen elsewhere.

8. Loss, Love, and Objects That Hold Spirit

• Fernando’s Story—Loss in the Tsunami (36:19)
  • Nate recounts the immense personal tragedy of losing his partner, Fernando Bingochea, in the 2004 tsunami and the role of Fernando’s handwoven photographs gifted shortly before the accident.
  • The art pieces remain his most treasured possessions, imprinted with Fernando’s essence.
  • “They are the most meaningful things to me. They represent his soul, his heart…And the fact that he wanted me to have them…was just a level of generosity that I don’t think comes around a lot.” — Nate Berkus (38:33)
  • “I was loved that way.” (39:22)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On objects and memory:
  “Things matter. They have to…they remind us of the good times and the rough patches and everything in between that’s made us who we are.” — (03:39)
• On finding one’s spiritual calling:
  “I was the kid that cared so much about the things around me, but more importantly…the way things felt.” — Nate Berkus (06:05)
• Coming out as spiritual practice:
  “I had to get still and really hear what he was saying. I believed him because he showed me.” — Nate (10:59)
• On authenticity:
  “If you cannot be authentic, if you cannot be true to yourself, then all the other things mean nothing. Because that is the thing that really matters.” — Oprah (20:07)
• On grief and letting go:
  “Give them the time to let go of that dream, but make it safe for them in the process.” — Nate (14:51)
• On home and identity:
  “A home has to reflect the people that live there. And it’s not instant, it should be assembled and layered over time.” — Nate (33:20)
• On beauty and survival:
  “You’re living in a tent, you don’t have a doll, you have a cardboard box and you’re decorating. Why? Because things matter. Beauty matters.” — Oprah (08:14)
• On loss and objects imbued with spirit:
  “They are the most meaningful things to me... he touched them, pieces of it...I think to myself, I was loved that way.” — Nate (39:22)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Oprah introduces Nate and sets context: 01:20–03:24
• Meaning of things—spiritual design: 03:30–04:33
• Childhood & discovering love for design: 05:57–07:01
• Universality of beauty & decoration: 07:13–08:19
• Coming out, family reactions, and spiritual lessons: 09:05–14:51
• Learning to be authentic, discussion of talk show: 25:13–29:51
• How home reflects inner space: 33:19–34:47
• Mindful consumption: 35:06–36:19
• Coping with loss through objects: 36:19–39:34

Language and Tone

Heartfelt, introspective, and candid—Oprah and Nate alternate between deeply personal stories, vulnerable admissions, and larger philosophical insights, all delivered with warmth and mutual respect. The tone is both affirming and challenging, pushing the listener towards greater authenticity and self-connection.

For anyone seeking wisdom about design, home, and the deeper story of who we are, this episode is a soulful guide—an invitation to see our spaces, our possessions, and our choices as sacred and meaningful parts of our spiritual journey.