Oprah’s Super Soul Special: Nate Berkus — Surviving the Storm

Podcast: Oprah's Super Soul
Host: Oprah Winfrey
Guest: Nate Berkus
Episode: Surviving the Storm
Date: February 19, 2025

Overview

In this profoundly moving episode, Oprah sits down with acclaimed interior designer Nate Berkus to discuss personal transformation after deep loss. The conversation centers around the traumatic experience of surviving the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami, which took the life of Nate’s partner, Fernando Bengoechea. Together, Oprah and Nate explore themes of survival, grief, love, resilience, spiritual awakening, and the ongoing journey of embracing life after unimaginable tragedy.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Survivorship and the Aftermath of Trauma

• Redefining Identity:
  • Oprah reads from Nate’s book, The Things that Matter:

    “Since December 26, 2004, I've never defined myself by anything other than my ability to survive. ... The only question is can I survive or can't I? That's what matters.” (01:00-02:15)

  • Nate confirms the tsunami is “always” with him and has shifted his outlook, particularly on relationships and fear (02:29).
  • The event left lasting changes to Nate's sense of self; he says,

    “I don’t recognize the person I was before the tsunami” and emphasizes a newfound self-trust and self-liking (03:31-03:56).

2. Love, Loss, & Remembering Fernando Bengoechea

• Oprah highlights Fernando's background and their deep relationship.

  • Nate reflects on dedicating both his books to Fernando and wonders how life might have been if Fernando survived (04:29–04:51).
  • On Fernando’s impact, Nate shares,

    “He showed me a bigger life than I ever dreamed of for myself.” (04:51–05:25)

  • Writing about their love in a book about design was cathartic but extremely challenging (05:25–06:13).

• How Fernando Saw Nate:

  • Oprah asks about Fernando’s ability to see Nate “for how I wanted to be seen.” Nate describes the energy and connection they felt,

    “He captured my humor and my self... There was an energy between us that was really, really powerful.” (06:43–07:38)

• Oprah connects this to a universal need to be truly seen, referencing Toni Morrison’s wisdom:

  “Do your eyes light up? ...Everybody wants to know: do I matter?... We just want you to see us, not just for who we are, but” (07:41–08:12).

3. Their Final Trip & the Tsunami

• Fernando encourages Nate to take a three-week, life-changing trip in Southeast Asia (09:18–10:17).
• Their deep bond and generosity shines through as they assemble backpacks for local Sri Lankan children the night before the tsunami (11:52–12:09).
• The Onset of Disaster:
  • Nate recalls his first impression of the tsunami:

    “The first thing the tsunami took were those backpacks.” (12:16–12:36)

  • The initial moments focused solely on survival,

    “Your brain just calculates... Let me get the next breath.” (12:36-13:28)

4. The Ordeal: Surviving and Saying Goodbye

• Oprah revisits how, in the chaos, a floating mattress miraculously saves Nate and Fernando from a deadly telephone pole (16:00–17:21).

• Nate recounts their fleeting safety and last conversation,

  “We’re together and we’re able to have a conversation...I said, ‘What was that?’ ...[Fernando]: ‘I don’t know, but it’s over now.’” (17:28–18:10)

• The water recedes with force, separating them forever.

  “I felt him hang on to the waistband of my underwear, and then I felt him be torn away. And that was the last that I saw him.” (18:48–19:14)

• Symbolic Keepsake:

  • Nate still wears a bracelet Fernando gave him, likening it to a wedding ring (19:18–20:23).
  • Fernando’s sense of destiny ("couldn’t see himself past 40") is discussed with bittersweet resonance (20:22–21:12).

5. Grieving, Acceptance & Spiritual Lessons

• Witnessing Loss Firsthand:

  “I needed to see what that tsunami really was in order to truly accept that he was gone. I would never have accepted it if I heard about it on the phone...” (21:41–23:07)

  • This direct experience, while horrific, becomes a strange gift, both for Nate and for Fernando’s family (23:36–23:40).

• Growing Compassion:

  • The trauma opened Nate to the suffering of others,

    “For the first time, I started thinking, what has that woman behind me gone through? ... I felt raw, and I felt really open to what it felt really insignificant. And I felt afraid.” (23:40–24:39)

  • Oprah’s wisdom, “When the soul gets what it came to get, it goes,” provided solace and a framework for meaning (24:41–25:39).

• Turning Up the Volume on Life:

  • Oprah:

    “All death is a reminder to turn up the volume on your life.” (28:15–28:28)

  • Nate expresses the vital choice he faced after the loss,

    “I could mourn his death ... or I could choose to honor how loudly he lived his life.” (28:40–29:04)

  • If you don’t “walk through that door,” “there really would have been two tragedies.” (29:05)

6. Building a “New Normal”

• On Holding On vs. Moving Forward:

  • Nate reflects on mementos,

    “They’re there because they give me joy. They don’t make me sad.” (31:23–31:49)

  • Oprah distills a core spiritual lesson,

    “All of your suffering comes from ... wanting the moment, the time, to be something that it can’t be.” (32:38–33:08)

• Current Life & Values:

  • Nate’s new normal is filled with work, everyday joys, meaningful relationships, and living with full awareness of life's impermanence (33:23–34:14).
  • The things that matter most:

    “People, Number one. Truly, number one... Animals matter. Dogs matter.” (34:19–34:49)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Survival:

  “I don’t recognize the person I was before the tsunami.”
  — Nate Berkus, (03:31)

• On Being Seen:

  “He saw me for who I wanted—for how I wanted to be seen.”
  — Nate Berkus, (06:43)

• On Love:

  “That’s what love feels like.”
  — Oprah Winfrey, (08:36)

• On Letting Go:

  “There’s a peacefulness that comes over when you found the right person for you.”
  — Nate Berkus, (09:00)

• On Tragedy:

  “The fact that I can function after witnessing that is a testament to the love and the support that I had when I got back. Period. The end.”
  — Nate Berkus, (18:10)

• On Moving Forward:

  “I could choose to honor how loudly he lived his life... Otherwise there really would have been two tragedies.”
  — Nate Berkus, (28:40–29:04)

• On Life After Loss:

  “When you are resisting the reality of what is, that is where all your suffering comes from.”
  — Oprah Winfrey, (32:38)

• On Advice:

  “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
  — Maya Angelou, cited by Oprah & Nate, (37:19–37:23)

• On Secret Strength:

  “My ability to survive and my perspective. ... When the worst has already happened and you’re not afraid to speak your truth, you get a lot done.”
  — Nate Berkus, (37:29–37:51)

Important Timestamps

• Survival and Identity: 01:00–03:31
• Connecting with Fernando: 04:07–08:14
• The Trip and Tsunami Onset: 09:18–13:28
• Detailed Recount of Tsunami Experience and Last Moments with Fernando: 16:00–19:14
• Coping, Grieving, and Spiritual Insights: 21:41–29:40
• Advice and Takeaways: 34:12–37:51

Final Takeaways

This episode is a testament to the transformative power of grief, the gift of being truly seen and loved, and the necessity of embracing life after profound loss. Oprah and Nate’s conversation reminds listeners that honoring those we've lost means living more fully, discovering strength and compassion within ourselves, and courageously forging a “new normal.” In Nate's words:

“What matters for me is time and being happy. And that's it.” (34:56)

Recommended for anyone seeking inspiration through adversity or searching for gentle guidance through love and loss.