3322: Conquering your "Feelings Phobia" by Rachel Shanken of Mind Body Wise on Facing Your Emotions

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Optimal Finance Daily | Episode 3322

Title: Conquering Your "Feelings Phobia" by Rachel Shanken of Mind Body Wise
Host: Diania Merriam (featuring narration by Greg from Optimal Relationships Daily)
Date: October 19, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode departs slightly from the typical money management advice and explores the concept of "feelings phobia": the fear of fully experiencing and expressing emotions. Drawing from Rachel Shanken’s post on Mind Body Wise, the discussion uncovers how avoiding emotional expression can impact not only our well-being but also our relationships—with ourselves, others, and even with money. Listeners are provided with both context for developing this phobia and practical steps to begin healing, with an emphasis on awareness and self-acceptance as pathways to emotional and financial health.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Origins of Feelings Phobia

• Emotional Expression as Infants:
  • As babies, we express feelings openly—cry, smile, yell—without fear of judgment.
  • Quote: "You cried when you were hungry. You smiled when you were happy... You didn't filter a smile because it might make you more vulnerable to be hurt." (02:00)
• Socialization and Emotional Suppression:
  • Over time, conditioning from caregivers, teachers, peers, and media teaches us to hide, question, or block our feelings.
  • Quote: "You got socialized, minimized, shaped, molded, and influenced by the forces around you... Maybe you stopped freely expressing your true self." (03:02)

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2. The Hidden Costs of Avoiding Feelings

• Short-term Relief, Long-term Impact:
  • Compartmentalizing or numbing feelings may shield us initially but leads to unprocessed emotions showing up in unexpected ways.
  • Quote: "This was all great until those unexpressed feelings started manifesting in other ways… They show up as depression or anxiety, or back pain, or an eating disorder..." (04:05)
• Compounded Difficulty:
  • Suppressed emotions can become more difficult to heal when left unaddressed.
  • Quote: "Once you get to this point, it's much more difficult to heal. Yet it's completely possible." (04:45)

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3. The Way Forward — Healing from Feelings Phobia

• Facing vs. Avoiding:
  • There is "only one way out, and it’s through"; to heal and live fully, reconnect with your authentic self.
  • Quote: "If you want to live your life with all of who you are, then fully experiencing your wide spectrum of feelings and healing from feelings phobia is part of the process." (05:41)
• Blocking All Feelings:
  • Attempting to block negative emotions means filtering out positive ones as well.
  • Quote: "If you're blocking out any of your feelings, you're filtering out all feelings, even the ones that feel really good." (05:54)

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4. A Simple Mind-Body Tool for Emotional Healing (06:06)

The tool is outlined in four steps:

1. Tune In (06:17):

   • Mentally scan your body, noticing subtle physical sensations.
   • If struggling, lightly move or tap parts of your body to bring awareness.
   • Guide: "It starts with tuning into your body. Notice subtle sensations as you mentally scan your body from your toes to the crown of your head."

2. Use Non-Judgmental Awareness (06:38):

   • Avoid labeling sensations as good or bad; just notice and describe them objectively.
   • Examples: "I notice tension in my left wrist...tingling down my back."

3. Body Talk (06:58):

   • For each noticed sensation, ask what message that body part might have for you.
   • Wait, breathe, listen openly.
   • Instruction: "Ask each body part what it is that it might want to say to you… Stay quiet, breathe and wait as you bring your full awareness to that part."

4. Name Your Feelings (07:16):

   • Move from noticing body sensations to noticing and naming emotions present right now.
   • Go deeper than surface thoughts—identify the underlying feeling.
   • Example: "'He's mistreating me' is a thought, but underneath that might be, 'I'm angry and sad.'"

• The Goal:
  • Develop healthy emotional expression, tolerance for presence, and a freer relationship with your emotions.
  • Quote: "The key to good emotional health is a person's ability to express feelings appropriately." (07:56)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the impact of socialization:
  "You began hiding, shielding, questioning, analyzing, and most of all, protecting your heart from hurt." (03:15)

• On delayed consequences:
  "Those feelings hide until they can't hide anymore. The space in the compartment has run out." (04:24)

• On the importance of vulnerability:
  Host commentary:
  "The more vulnerable we are, the more we encourage others to do the same and thus get to know who they really are." (10:21)

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Additional Host Commentary

• Connecting Emotions to Relationships:
  Being open with oneself emotionally fosters better relationships, not only internally but with others as well.
  • "The more communicative we are, the more we encourage others to do the same and thus get to know who they really are." (10:28)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:54] — Introduction to "Feelings Phobia"
• [03:02] — How socialization teaches us to suppress emotions
• [04:05] — Physical/emotional symptoms of unexpressed feelings
• [05:41] — The necessity of facing and feeling your emotions
• [06:06] — 4-Step Mind-Body Tool for emotional healing
• [07:56] — The foundation of good emotional health
• [10:19] — Host reflections on vulnerability and relationships

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Tone & Language

The tone remains empathetic, supportive, and direct—encouraging listeners to recognize and confront their feelings without judgment, and to see the process as a courageous step toward holistic health. Both Rachel Shanken’s post (as narrated) and the host’s closing comments stress authenticity, vulnerability, and incremental self-awareness.

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Summary

This episode reminds us that our relationship with our emotions underpins every area of life, including financial well-being and independence. By acknowledging and expressing feelings through practical, daily check-ins, we take meaningful strides toward wholeness—enriching not just our internal world, but also our connections with others and our financial decisions. Listeners are encouraged to try the episode’s simple tool and start their journey toward healing their own "feelings phobia."

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Transcript

[A]

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[A]

Back to another bonus Sunday episode. This is where we get to hear from one of our other shows in our podcast network and today's comes from Optimal Relationships Daily. So with that, here's Greg as we optimize your life.

[B]

Conquering your Feelings Phobia by Rachel Schenken of mindbodywise.com expressing your feelings or showing your emotions is never easy. If this sounds like you, you may have feelings phobia. If so, you'll want to keep listening. But don't worry, you aren't alone. Initially, when you were first born, you had feelings and you expressed them freely. You cried when you were hungry. You smiled when you were happy, you yelled and pounded your dimpled little fists when you were frustrated. You didn't muffle a cry because it might upset the people around you. All the while, you wanted to express your feelings in words. You didn't filter a smile because it might make you more vulnerable to be hurt. You didn't stifle your frustration because it would be embarrassing to have others witness your suffering. And you definitely didn't block yourselves from what you were feeling. Then, somewhere along the way, during Your development into adulthood, you became afraid of your feelings. Whether it was due to big T trauma or little T trauma. You got schooled in the hardship of life. You got socialized, minimized, shaped, molded, and influenced by the forces around you. Primary caregivers, teachers, friends, family members, media, etc. By the way, none of us are impermeable to these forces. Maybe you stopped freely expressing your true self. You began hiding, shielding, questioning, analyzing, and most of all, protecting your heart from hurt. You learned that feelings were dangerous and painful. So you began to block yourself from your feelings, compartmentalize them, disconnect and numb out. This was a smart move at first. It spared you from feeling the full extent of a broken heart. When someone you loved hurt your feelings, it spared you the suffering and disappointment. When you didn't get the lead in the school play, failed to get an A on the test, didn't get picked for the team, or when life generally didn't go your way, you had the feelings buffer, protecting you from experiencing the depths of your pain. This was all great until those unexpressed feelings started manifesting in other ways. If you've read up until now, you know just what I'm talking about. Your feelings don't just stay in their compartments. They don't disappear into the ether. Those feelings hide until they can't hide anymore. The space in the compartment has run out. They begin to spill out in ways that seem strange and random. They show up as depression or anxiety, or back pain, or an eating disorder, or migraines, or blind rage, or some other mental, physical, emotional pain. And once you get to this point, it's much more difficult to heal. Yet it's completely possible. So here you are, having spent years unconsciously honing your ability to separate your feelings from yourself. And now here they are, causing you pain, taking control of you and taking over your life. Where does this leave you? There's only one way out, and it's through. This means that in order to heal and live a good life, you need to learn how to reconnect with yourself. Communicating feelings and emotions with your body in safe ways so that you can stop fearing your feelings and instead learn to love the experience of your feelings. Sound crazy? Maybe. But if you want to live your life with all of who you are, then fully experiencing your wide spectrum of feelings and healing from feelings phobia is part of the process. Remember, if you're blocking out any of your feelings, you're filtering out all feelings, even the ones that feel really good. I'm aware that you might not like hearing all this because it may challenge your idea of what you need to grow and heal. It might feel scary or impossible, or maybe you like the idea, but you don't know how to fully feel your feelings at this stage of your life. It's never too late to heal from feelings Phobia Here's a tool that gets you Simple Mind Body Tool for healing feelings Phobia do this. Check in at least three to five times per day for just a minute or two each time. Even if when you use this tool you notice almost nothing at all, keep doing it. You're training yourself to get embodied, develop a healthy expression of emotions, and to tolerate being present with yourself, which unearths your path toward healing. Number one Tune in. It starts with tuning into your body. Notice subtle sensations as you mentally scan your body from your toes to the crown of your head. If you struggle with noticing subtle sensations, try moving your body in slightly challenging ways or lightly tap different parts of your body and then check in consciously. Number two Use non judgmental awareness. Try to avoid labeling the sensations as good or bad and instead see what it's like to just notice their appearance. That is I notice tension in my left wrist. I have an interesting sensation in my right foot. I feel tingling down my back. These aren't groundbreaking huge sensations. They are simple and basic. That's what to expect most of the time. 3. Body Talk for each of the body parts where you notice sensation, ask each body part what it is that it might want to say to you. What's its message to you within the sensation? Stay quiet, breathe and wait as you bring your full awareness to that part. I know this sounds a little weird, but try it. And then patiently pause with an open mind to see what each has to say. You might just be surprised to experience your body speaking to you in its own way. 4. Name your feelings. Once you've noticed all there is to notice in your body, then move on to noticing what emotions are present right here and now. Go beyond your default emotions like stress and see what feelings underneath might be. Be sure to name what you notice, and if it's a thought, be sure to go back and notice the emotion beneath that. He's mistreating me is a thought, but underneath that might be I'm angry and sad. I'm confused is a thought, but underneath that might be I'm frustrated. This tool is merely a start on the journey toward creating a healthier, freer relationship with your emotions, with yourself, and with your life. Just remember the key to good emotional Health is a person's ability to express feelings appropriately. You just listened to the post titled Conquering youg Feelings Phobia by Rachel Schenken of mindbodywise.com Nobody wants to pay rent.

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[B]

Okay, and a wonderful read on behalf of Rachel today. This feeling's phobia she speaks of is unfortunately something that many of us don't even know we have. And though it may feel uncomfortable, we have to understand that it's not only the gateway to better relationships with ourselves, but better relationships with others. The more vulnerable we are, the more we encourage others to do the same and thus get to know who they really are. The more communicative we are, the more we encourage others to do the same and thus get to know who they really are. The list goes on, but we have to wrap up here. So thank you so much for joining me everybody. Thank you so much to Rachel and I will see you all again tomorrow with a post about leaving old relationships behind where your optimal life awaits.