3341: My Fear of Spending is a Form of Imposter Syndrome by Kiersten Saunders of Rich and Regular

Summary

Podcast Summary: Optimal Finance Daily

Episode 3341: "My Fear of Spending is a Form of Imposter Syndrome" by Kiersten Saunders of Rich and Regular
Host: Diania Merriam
Date: November 4, 2025

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode dives deep into the emotional and psychological side of spending, as Kiersten Saunders candidly shares her struggle with a fear of spending money—even after achieving major financial milestones. By drawing parallels between money anxiety and imposter syndrome, Saunders explores the nuances of financial independence, the challenge of reframing money as a tool, and the ongoing journey of aligning financial decisions with personal well-being. Host Diania Merriam provides additional reflections from her own experience, reinforcing that money management is about mindset as much as math.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Emotional Cost of Big Financial Decisions

• Kiersten Saunders narrates her recent life changes:
  • Moved to a new home and incurred over $80,000 in expenses (down payment, furniture, moving) in only three weeks.
  • Balances the joy of reaching saving goals with the anxiety of quickly spending those hard-earned funds.
• "It took almost a year to save that money and only like two phone calls, a couple clicks, and a pound of paperwork to spend it." (Saunders, 03:30)
• Expresses the physical and mental exhaustion that comes with major transitions—affecting both her role as a parent and a partner.

2. The Psychology Behind the Fear of Spending

• Kiersten frames her fear as a form of imposter syndrome:
  • Worries that despite reaching financial goals, she’s not truly “allowed” to spend.
  • Spending triggers a dopamine rush and slippery-slope thinking:
    "Spending has always been a slippery slope for me because it triggers a dopamine rush." (04:50)
• Points out that money anxiety doesn’t necessarily disappear with financial security:
  • References Suze Orman as an example of persistent financial worry.
  • Acknowledges the emotional aspect goes beyond numbers and persists even into retirement.

3. Recognizing and Reframing Patterns

• Observes her behavioral patterns during stressful times:
  • Defaults to “consuming” (online shopping, unhealthy choices) as a coping mechanism.
  • Self-awareness: Spouse can spot these cycles, serving as a support and mirror.
• "I am the frog in a pot enjoying my jacuzzi, and he is intensely observing the stove to make sure I don't cook myself." (07:00)
• Discusses the need to be vulnerable and honest within her marriage to address these habits.

4. Strategies for Managing Money-Related Anxiety

Kiersten Saunders lays out actionable ways she’s addressing her feelings:

• Sitting with and learning from discomfort:
  "I'm being vulnerable in my marriage and trusting that my partner won't let the pot boil over because I need to sit here and soak for a while to mull over my money until my skin prunes." (07:30)
• Reframing fear of spending:
  • Consciously reminding herself that discernment and caution are strengths, not signs of lack or inadequacy.
  • Affirmations: Confidence that healthy habits will endure as wealth grows.
• Allowing small indulgences:
  • Mindfully permitting inexpensive joys (flowers, scented trash bags, naps) while steering clear of temptation zones (home goods stores).
  • "It was a hard yes for the grocery store flowers... and the midday nap. I know tiny is subjective, but it's intentional and that's half the battle." (09:30)
• Calendarizing joy:
  • Planning and scheduling future positive events to resist impulsive spending and focus on delayed gratification.
  • "Seeing the moments that make me happy punctuated in my calendar engages another part of my brain. It's a small but powerful checks and balances method." (10:00)

5. The Bottom Line: Fear as a Choice

• Kiersten concludes that her fear is, ultimately, a choice—one she aims to acknowledge and redirect.
• "My goal is to create an environment that makes it easier for me to choose something else." (10:38)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Suddenness of Spending:
  "If time is money, I'm feeling stretched right now. If money is money, I'm feeling spread thin there too." (Kiersten Saunders, 02:40)

• On the Psychology of Financial Independence:
  "The math is the easiest part, but the psychology… this psychology is tough because… you still gotta make room for the fear." (Saunders, 05:28)

• Reframing Money as a Tool:
  "People who build houses don't have emotional issues with hammers. If my coins are going to be a tool for positive change... I can't be afraid to use them." (Saunders, 08:15)

• Host Reflection (Diania Merriam):
  "Money is just a tool we can use to craft the life we want to live. But when we see having money as the ultimate goal, it can lead us to hoard money or not spend in ways that are actually good for us." (12:28)

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Host’s Commentary (Diania Merriam)

• Diania echoes Kiersten's perspective, relating her own experiences with extreme frugality:
  • The habit of analyzing each purchase was invaluable during debt-payoff, but she recognizes the necessity of “relaxing” once in a stronger financial position.
  • Highlights the importance of differentiating between big-ticket recurring costs and occasional, intentional indulgences.
  • Emphasizes that financial independence is about flexibility, not deprivation.

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Important Timestamps

• [03:30] — The emotional toll of quickly spending long-saved money
• [04:50] — Spending triggers and slippery slopes
• [05:28] — The ongoing psychological challenge of financial management
• [07:00] — Self-awareness and marital support
• [08:15] — Reframing the relationship to money as a tool
• [09:30] — Mindful, intentional indulgences for joy
• [10:00] — Calendarizing joy to shift focus and reduce anxiety
• [12:28] — Diania Merriam’s key takeaway about money as a tool

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Summary

This episode is a heartfelt, relatable look at the tension between financial caution and enjoying the fruits of one's labor. Kiersten Saunders humanizes the money journey, showing that even the financially savvy face old fears in new forms—especially when confronting big changes and rewards. Through vulnerability, self-reflection, and actionable strategies, she encourages listeners to recognize money as a tool—not an end in itself—and to intentionally design a life that balances prudence with joy. Diania Merriam’s candid addendum rounds out the conversation, reminding listeners that mastering money means knowing when to let go and live.

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Recommended for anyone pursuing financial independence who finds themselves wrestling with guilt or anxiety around spending—even after doing the “right” things.

Transcript

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You're about to make a trade which you do, you listen to. Is it get optioning those options or let's do a little research. Learn [e-mail] TradeSmart this is optimal Finance Daily. My fear of spending is a form of Imposter Syndrome By Kirsten Saunders of richandregular.com it feels like I've been running non stop for about two months now. Not only have I been traveling for work, but we closed on our new house this same week we returned from fincon. Since I had already taken off work to attend the conference, I didn't request additional time for the move. If time is money, I'm feeling stretched right now. If money is money, I'm feeling spread thin there too. Between the down payment, new furniture and moving expenses, we've spent over $80,000 over the last three weeks. It took almost a year to save that money and only like two phone calls, a couple clicks and a pound of paperwork to spend it. Add that to a missed opportunity to invest at a discount because we're cash strapped and you have one angsty lady. Oh hey, hello, I'm her. Calling it angst feels like an understatement, though fear is more appropriate. Lately my nights and weekends have been filled with packing and unpacking. My 19 month old son is clingy as he's adjusting to his new daycare, our new home, and his seven new teeth. He doesn't have the words to express how he feels, so we just agree to come to grips with change his way. Meanwhile, I'm scared that my mom instinct got left on the truck or maybe just lost in the shuffle of boxes. Or maybe I just unpacked my mom instinct where my wife instincts should be and I just need to reconcile the two once I find them. I also don't know if baby rich and regular is old enough to have a love language, but if he did, it would be snacks. In the midst of all this flux and in the absence of a routine, I find myself conceding to his crafty toddler antics with extra snacks here and extra cuddles there. The other day I carried his little A up three whole flights of stairs while dragging a plastic lawnmower behind me and balancing a bowl of Cheerios between my neck and chin. I'm scared I might be feeding him too much, but then I remember that he's not a fish. Not that it matters. My body aches, my willpower is weakened, and my credit card company upped my limit. Out of nowhere, I'm scared I'll use it as a permission slip to buy more instead of seeing it for what it is. Another form of marketing spending has always been a slippery slope for me because it triggers a dopamine rush. While I wouldn't characterize it as an addiction, I'm using a lot of energy just to look high functioning while cutting these five figure checks left and right. This is why I don't talk about money strictly from an academic point of view. The math is the easiest part, but the psychology. This psychology is tough because even if you do exactly what I did and pay off all of your debt and learn to live on half and enjoy eating at home, you still gotta make room for the fear. I don't think it's something that retirement can fix either. Just ask Susie Orman. She has gazillions of dollars, recently came out of retirement from a private island and is still worried about not having enough money. Every day I stare into space and wonder if I would feel like this if I wasn't working. But then I look over at my husband and realize he fell asleep sitting up with a beer in his hand. That man isn't doing too hot either. I won't lie to myself and say that money couldn't solve 95% of my problems. It very easily could. Instead, I'll imagine that when rich people lament about how it's not about the money, this is what they mean. Because finally, I've reached a point in my life where it's not about the money. It's about my bs and my journey to financial independence requires learning how to navigate this terrain. Just throwing money at it would be robbing Peter to pay. Paul Wisdom without action is a waste One perk of getting older is that I get better at describing how I feel. I'm also better at recognizing key themes in my life. After 34 years, I realized that velocity is one of them. Sometimes it just feels like the months on the calendar are just a series of concentrated weeks crammed with demanding tasks that leave Me waiting for an exhale. In these moments when the pace of life is frantic, I've been conditioned to consume. These are the times where I tend to distract myself via mindless scrolling and social media rabbit holing. These are the times where I make unhealthy choices. I become less present. I use my money to self medicate. I buy a bunch of crap on sale just to get a feeling of accomplishment. It's a familiar cycle and after five years with a front row seat, Mr. Rich and regular can spot it from a mile away. I am the frog in a pot enjoying my jacuzzi and he is intensely observing the stove to make sure I don't cook myself. So what am I doing about it? One Choosing to sit in it and learn. I'm being vulnerable in my marriage and trusting that my partner won't let the pot boil over because I need to sit here and soak for a while to mull over my money until my skin prunes. I need to be reminded that if my coins are going to be a tool for positive change in my life and my family's life, then I can't be afraid to use them. People who build houses don't have emotional issues with hammers. Instead of letting my fear of spending money take me down a path of scarcity, I'm choosing to reframe my circumstances. I'm affirming that I gained this level of discernment as a result of my efforts. I'm affirming that it will stay with me no matter how rich I get. And I'm affirming that we're going to be all right. I know that in hindsight, periods like this will be a reminder of why we got married in the first place. Either that or I've been watching too much. Love is allowing for tiny indulgences. Okay, so look, I probably shouldn't be trusted in a home goods container store or IKEA for a while, but it was a hard yes for the grocery store flowers, the scented trash bags from Target, and and the midday nap. I know tiny is subjective, but it's intentional and that's half the battle. And number three Calendarizing my joy. It's easier to ignore short term impulses when you know there's something greater later. I physically put events on my calendar as a way to upweight my patience. Seeing the moments that make me happy punctuated in my calendar engages another part of my brain. It's a small but powerful checks and balances method to ensure my fear doesn't distract me from being future focused Bottom line the fear that I feel is a choice. My goal is to create an environment that makes it easier for me to choose something else. You just listened to the post titled My Fear of Spending is a Form of Imposter Syndrome by Kirsten Saunders of richandregular.com if you're paying rent every month without earning anything in return, let me introduce you to bilt, the rewards program designed for renters who want to earn something for their largest monthly expense. Let me explain. By paying rent through bilt, you earn flexible points that you can actually use. I'm talking about points that can be redeemed towards hundreds of hotels and airlines, a future rent payment, your next Lyft ride, and more. Now here's the part that really makes sense from a financial perspective. It doesn't stop with your monthly check. You can earn additional points just by dining out at your favorite local spots, get VIP treatment at certain fitness studios, and enjoy exclusive experiences only available to BILT members. This is a great financial hack. It's about time your rent started working for you. Earn points on rent and around your neighborhood, wherever you call home by going to joinbilt.com ofd that's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T.com ofd make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. Introducing your new Dell PC. Powered by the Intel Core Ultra processor, it helps you handle a lot even when your holiday to do list gets to be a lot because it's built with all day battery plus plus powerful AI features that help you do it all with ease. From editing images to drafting emails to summarizing large documents to multitasking. So you can organize your holiday shopping and make custom holiday decor and search for great holiday deals and respond to holiday requests and customer questions and customers requesting custom things. And plan the perfect holiday dinner for vegans, vegetarians, Pescatarians and and Uncle Mike's carnivore diet. Luckily you can get a PC that helps you do it all faster so you can get it all done. That's the power of a Dell PC with Intel inside backed by Dell's price match guarantee. Get yours [e-mail] holiday terms and conditions apply. See dell.com for details. I love this statement in the article Today people who build houses don't have emotional issues with hammers. It perfectly represents how often we confuse the tool with the goal. Money is just a tool we can use to craft the life we want to live. But when we see having money as the ultimate goal. It can lead us to hoard money or not spend it in ways that are actually good for us. One thing that helps me in this regard is to remind myself that I've already optimized on the big ticket reoccurring expenses like housing, transportation and food. So one time indulgences aren't going to completely blow my budget. When I was getting out of debt and fixing my finances, I was a bit extreme in terms of frugality. While I've certainly relaxed a bit, my tendency is to not want to spend money. When I do spend money, I tend to be highly critical about the value of that purchase. Now, this tendency served me very well in the Season of Life when I was getting out of debt, saving an emergency fund, and front loading my retirement savings. A period of time of questioning or debating every purchase was valuable at that time in my life. But sometimes I need to remind myself that I'm in a new season now and I have more financial bandwidth to experiment. That should do it for another edition of Optimal Finance Daily. Have a great rest of your day and I'll see you on the Wednesday show tomorrow, where your optimal life awaits.